Sweet Jesus, this mom is crazy.

Did half of you guys even read the article? Read the article before making silly assumptions. In my opinion, I think the woman raises children that are destined to success. Feel free to argue against me.

ferrari_102

[QUOTE="GabuEx"]

[QUOTE="Lonelynight"] It's not like they can't pursue another career once they are out of their parents house.cmdrmonkey45

The mother basically has a box for both her children that she's determined to shove them into regardless of how well they fit. She's not allowing them to have any sleepovers or to watch any TV or play any video games (something that will likely severely hamper her children's social growth); she's not allowing them to pursue extracurricular activities of their choice; she's expecting them to be the #1 student in every single academic subject (a completely ridiculous expectation); and she's forcing them to play instruments of her choosing, whether they want to or not. By the time these kids are eighteen, they will basically have no self-identity whatsoever and will know nothing other than pleasing their mother out of fear of the consequences if they don't.

I have seen many, many people who are outrageous perfectionists. Their histories always inevitably are like this, and they are always inevitably miserable, whether or not they let on. Children need to be able to express themselves. Parents outright forcing their children to be exactly how they want them to be, not for a moment allowing the child any input regarding what her actual interests are, are absolutely committing child abuse. There is no way the child is getting out of that without being psychologically damaged.

This style of parenting also crushes any sense of creativity, and I think it's why the Chinese never invent anything, and just end up copying and cloning western ideas and inventions.

[QUOTE="cmdrmonkey45"]

[QUOTE="GabuEx"]

The mother basically has a box for both her children that she's determined to shove them into regardless of how well they fit. She's not allowing them to have any sleepovers or to watch any TV or play any video games (something that will likely severely hamper her children's social growth); she's not allowing them to pursue extracurricular activities of their choice; she's expecting them to be the #1 student in every single academic subject (a completely ridiculous expectation); and she's forcing them to play instruments of her choosing, whether they want to or not. By the time these kids are eighteen, they will basically have no self-identity whatsoever and will know nothing other than pleasing their mother out of fear of the consequences if they don't.

I have seen many, many people who are outrageous perfectionists. Their histories always inevitably are like this, and they are always inevitably miserable, whether or not they let on. Children need to be able to express themselves. Parents outright forcing their children to be exactly how they want them to be, not for a moment allowing the child any input regarding what her actual interests are, are absolutely committing child abuse. There is no way the child is getting out of that without being psychologically damaged.

edgewalker16

This style of parenting also crushes any sense of creativity, and I think it's why the Chinese never invent anything, and just end up copying and cloning western ideas and inventions.

"Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent."

Problem, weaaboos?

If the goal of parenting is to create successful adults, I think the Asian mothers win. wstfld

Asain kids with strict parents like this **** made up 40% of my high school. The ones with the strictest parents had no sense of creativity, no social skills, and were puny little pip-squeaks.

Pressuring kids to do well in school is extremely important, but letting them develop a sense of independance is equally as important. Oh, and lets not forget sprots. I will raise my kids to be Nietzschien overmen!

the only obligation a parent has, outside of their child's physical and mental well-being, is to provide opportunities for growth and happiness for their child, in balance.

Too much growth and you suffocate your child; too much happiness and you spoil them.

I think my parents got this concept right: I got what I needed; shelter, food, education, the opportunity to play sports and socialize, and good performance was always encouraged, albeit sometimes a bit too much. I was rewarded on occasion, but generally if I wanted anything, I had to work for it. I think this is how it should be.

Seems like this article generalizes that Chinese parents force too much growth in their kids, and that Western parents are too lax and concerned with happiness.

the only obligation a parent has, outside of their child's physical and mental well-being, is to provide opportunities for growth and happiness for their child, in balance.

Too much growth and you suffocate your child; too much happiness and you spoil them.

I think my parents got this concept right: I got what I needed; shelter, food, education, the opportunity to play sports and socialize, and good performance was always encouraged, albeit sometimes a bit too much. I was rewarded on occasion, but generally if I wanted anything, I had to work for it. I think this is how it should be.

Seems like this article generalizes that Chinese parents force too much growth in their kids, and that Western parents are too lax and concerned with happiness.

mrbojangles25

Winning rebuttal is winner.

Winning rebuttal is winner.

Choga

hahaha bravo, sir, bravo

They are going to have a bad childhood, nad kids who have a bad childhood will probably have problems as an adult.

No idea what to say.

Sure, pain builds, but this is just too excessive. What is she, a military instructor? And this is why suicide rates go up-no joke. The pressure drives the kids to their limits and eventually they snap and find no reason to continue to live.

But yeah, this is like a big fat laugh to those 7 year olds running around with their iPhones.

In Soviet Russia, instrument plays you.

wow. and i thought my mom was an overbearing megatron wannabe... O.O

So they can play a instrument and they do good in school

doesn't mean it was right taking there childhood fun away from them. This doesn't make "Chinese mothers superior" either, it makes them repulsive.

kill her with fire!!

Yeah, I'm a Malaysian-Chinese and I find this woman utterly ludicrous. Setting extremely stringent and unreasonable standards for your kids does NOT guarantee that they'll be able to acquire financial success later on in life. The most academically successful people I know in my country tend to have no less "off-time" than the challenged. I'm a consistent top-ten student and my parents don't push me all that hard.

We live in a society where social skills and charisma can count for just as much as the ability to crunch numbers and interpret graphs. You ignore one aspect in favour of the other and chances are your kid's going to turn out unbalanced.

Oh wow...

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences."

What kind of awful logic is this :?? They won't have fun so you have to make them work to have fun?

Upparoom

That part is actually absolutely true. You get a great deal of satisfaction from things that you're able to do, and many of those things (like learning to play an instrument at a professional level) simply can't be accomplished without a great deal of work, much of which isn't fun. If you suck at sports, you probably won't find them enjoyable. If you suck at a video game, you're more likely to find it stressful and aggravating than fun. And she's right - kids don't want to work, and they don't understand that they NEED to work if they're ever going to get good at something challenging which may then become central to their life and happiness. People react to this article negatively because of the extreme to which she goes in pursuit of her childrens' academic success, but the truth is that many of her concepts hold a great deal of merit. She just takes them too far.

However, I don't believe you necessarily need to come from this sort of background to do well academically. My parents limited my video game and TV time when I was young (which was a good idea in my opinion looking back on it), but I played plenty of video games and watched plenty of TV as a teen, and it didn't stop me from winning 150 grand in university scholarships, nor from becoming a pianist who can play at a professional level. The one big difference is that I'm not a perfectionist, and so I won't ever play at a world class standard. Frankly, that doesn't bother me, and I'm glad I was given the choice as a teen.

Wow my mom can be unfair sometimes but gee I would hate to have their mom. Sucks to be them.

[QUOTE="Upparoom"]

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences."

What kind of awful logic is this :?? They won't have fun so you have to make them work to have fun?

pianist

That part is actually absolutely true. You get a great deal of satisfaction from things that you're able to do, and many of those things (like learning to play an instrument at a professional level) simply can't be accomplished without a great deal of work, much of which isn't fun. If you suck at sports, you probably won't find them enjoyable. If you suck at a video game, you're more likely to find it stressful and aggravating than fun. And she's right - kids don't want to work, and they don't understand that they NEED to work if they're ever going to get good at something challenging which may then become central to their life and happiness. People react to this article negatively because of the extreme to which she goes in pursuit of her childrens' academic success, but the truth is that many of her concepts hold a great deal of merit. She just takes them too far.

This is something we can both agree on. Kids don't want to work for anything and worse, there are a lot of parents that have this "I want my kids to have the things I didn't have while growing up" mindset that give their kids what ever the kids want without thought. I remember a tale of a man who had bought his son a Hummer. The kid wrecked it and what did the Dad do? Bought the kid a second Hummer. The kid never learned anything that way. Such thought processes have given rise to more kids who have a sense of entitlement and that they can have what ever they want, when ever they want, how ever they want. It is ridiculous when parents rush to a kids school due to the fact the kid received a bad grade that the parent feels is unwarranted when it really was and complain or try and browbeat a teacher into giving a better grade.

While this Mom is a bit overboard, she at least understands that kids need to be pushed in order to succeed instead of being given everything and making them a bunch of whiny brats that think everything should be given to them for nothing.

Sucks to be them, they won't ever live a normal childhood :(

Where I work we have this saying: Good initiative, bad results. Her good initiative is to try and make her daughters the best. The bad result will be them having no social life and possibly rebelling when they are 18 and move out. It's just like food, the longer you hold it back from somebody the faster they'll eat it when they finally get hold of it because of their hunger. When they get out of the house they'll probably embrace the childhood they missed out on. Anyway, you have to give the kids some room for growth. It also amazes me that she seems to have no concern about them being the best in gym. Guess she doesn't want them be in shape, as long as their academic skills are better than everybody else. But who knows, maybe they'll get full scholarships to some huge university, invent the next Facebook, and become billionaires. Or, maybe they'll say screw it, act like idiots when they get out the house, and find themselves having a bunch of kids in their 20s. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

God my Indian parents are nowhere near as crazy as this lady.

She played in Carnegie **** Hall... she is amazing.. however.. .I wonder if she is happy.

I found this link here:

http://www.thirdage.com/news/tiger-mom-amy-chuas-daughter-defends-her_1-21-2011

I looked it up after posting; apparently a lot of what she wrote may have been satire and she really isn't that strict. This is assuming her oldest daughter is telling the truth in her article and didn't make it up to save face for her mom.