Stories by starduke

I am an old man:

Sounds really nice. Escaping humanity and live on an island like that. If there is internet connection there, I'd love to do the same one day.

Arius the Eternal Warrior:

I like it a lot, but I'm a little bothered by how you construct the paragraphs. I am used to a new paragraph starting whenever someone says something, and it bothers me to see two people talking, plus there being narrating in the same paragraph.

Also, I feel like the tone of writing makes me a little too distant from the characters. Kinda like watching something through the window of your living room instead of being downwhere it happens.

EDIT: Mythological creature I want to see taken out. I would at least like to see Fenrir taken down. Mostly because he is a beast who the gods just barely managed to get under control. The question is if it is a point though, because the only thing I know is that the gods fooled him by letting them bind him with a thin yet extremely powerful thread. As a guarantee Tyr had to place his hand in Fenrir's mouth, and once Fenrir discovered that the thread was actually powerful enough to hold him, he ate Tyr's hand. I don't know if Fenrir ever broke free from the thread (I think its name was Gleipner or something), if not there would be little point in killing him.

How about Loki. He is the god of chaos, and the father of both Fenrir and the Midgard serpent. He is also responsible for killing Baldur.

Old Man:

Great read! Though I feel for his children. :P

The Great Caper:

Eh, I actually enjoyed this! A pretty good read tbh. :)

Arius the Eternal Warrior:

Good stuff again! I really enjoyed the idea of telling it pretty much all through memories, and thought yo upulled it off pretty well!

"The worlds gone to hell"

World has or world's, not worlds.

I did find it a bit strange that the president told the stranger on the bus stop about his plans to nuke Soviet. Even if the president was depressed and not thinking straight, srely his agents would point that out.

I'm not far into it, so I won't give any over-all comments yet

Strokes of a Pen

Great stuff! Thoguh I would say the less you learna bout it the better. :P

We are the last

Great rhythm I thought. Great work here too!

"But, he could afford to take no chances."

Sounds very strange. Go for the good old, couldn't afford to take any chances instead.

alright, taking another break halfway through to read something else.

Hello, goodbye:

:lol:

Damn them! Okay they're pretty awesome actually.

There is a spark:

Some great rhyming here, and pretty great in general! 8)

"They played chess for the next few hours, and then it was finally time to take the bandages off."

Woah, slow down there duke. How did the chess go? Don't you think the readers will be interested in hearing who takes the lead in the "tournament"?

I didn't check for typos, but I noticed you said "reveling" instead of "revealing" more than once.

By the way, I don't quite understand why the hotel owner would take him for a biker dude if he looked like a younger Sherlock Holmes. I mean, at least in my book there is a big difference between a biker and a guy who rides a motorcycle.

"The End…?"

I certainly don't hope so.

To me the composition of the text was really strange. All the action was done long before the halfway point and after that it was very slow-paced. It was definitely good, but I must say that many readers would be put off by such a twist. There is not a build-up to anything, more like a build down really. You just get the reader attached to two characters that you aren't really going to use for anything, which is why I hope this isn't the end of it. A story about two former KGB agents trying to live a simple life and avoid their past could be really interesting.

Strange thing is that even though I liked it, I couldn't read for too long without taking a break. I think it has a lot to do with the font. You have really long paragraphs and to make it easier on the eyes I would have liked if you used tab instead of three spaces out and maybe a larger font as well.

Strokes of a pen:

Yeah, writing really is a unique feeling. The tough thing about it is that you might get too attached to your creations. I started writing when I was twelve (at least that was the first time I started on something I ended up finishing) with a series that was basically a Harry Potter rip-off. Two thirds through the series, I started realizing that it was crap, but I still had to finish it. It ended up having five volumes, each being about 50k words. There are projects I have managed to abandon though. One of them was the longest piece I have ever written (about 130k words) and was 60 percent finished. I still ocassionally think about what directions I could have taken it in if I resumed writing.

We Are the Last:

To me it was more intriguing than satisfying. Looking forwards to see the aliens' version of it.

Break Out:

First of all, I would advide editing the original post of the thread and have an index with all your pieces and explanations as to how they stand in relation to each other. I mean, since I've been reading your stories from the start, it isn't a big problem to me, butin case we get some new members who want to get into your writing but doesn't like scrolling up and down every page you should probably make it a little more accessible.

Then on the piece itself:

"Unfortunately, the Prisoners number six desperate individuals with only (mostly) minimal experience in combat"

The "only (mostly) minimal" part sounds pretty clumsy.

"Since our sensors only detect people who aren't wearing Guard Armor (to limit false alarms)"

I think most readers can figure the reason out, and it seems insulting to the emperor that he is explaining it in his note.

"Because if they do escape you know whose head I will be after"

To me the part after head is kinda boring and doesn't sound as threatening as it has the potensial. There are so many ways you could write this in so many ways. You could go with cIassics like "whose head will be rolling" or try to come up with something original like "whose head will be found expendable" (assuming that having him executed is what the emperor is threatening about).

"Drazz was a general in the army before the tests. He betrayed the Empire, but the Emperor secretly decided to give him a chance to redeem himself by becoming a guinea pig. Drazz accepted, having little other choice. He is a supreme example of perfect health. At least he was before we tested the genetic strain Mutant-Z on him. He now has the complexion of a skeleton. The strain gave him immense strength and agility. The initial tests indicated that the strain also increased his mental powers, the extent of which is unknown."

Doesn't quite sound like how a file would put it. How about this:

"John Drazz is a former general from the royal army. He was found guilty of betrayal against the Empire, but on the Emperor's authorisation he was offered immunity in exchange for participating in a series of experiments. Drazz accepted the offer. This matter is labeled confidential." And so on... The last sentence sounds fair enough, though I believe files like that would refer to the test results in present tense.

"It was conceivable that he would think that he could betray them to save his own skin, because of that, even though the Empire would never do that, because, even though Max had been a failed experiment, we was still a guinea pig, and too dangerous to let live."

That's a rather long sentence, and using both "because" and "even though" twice in a sentence make it repetitive.

Good work even though I'd like to see the files written differently.

There is a Spark:

I know that feeling. It haven't happened to me that often, but there have been times when I've had to open my laptop in the middle of the night and write it down.

Hello, down there, goodbye:

Man, what a dlck move!

Time Moves So Slowly

Second half of this is really damn good! Good stuff.

What's Not to Like

Hey, this reminds me of that Brother Ali song! All you need is some Ant slaps. Good stuff again. :P

Becuose! :shock:

These videos are very enjoyable! :lol:

First of all, if by weekend you meant Saturday, then happy birthday.

Secondly: Seems we have a lot in common in terms of appearance. At least I have glasses, fangs, big nose, neutral expression, big feet, moustache and a (so far very small) beard.

Thirdly: I think the biggest problem might actually be a neutral expression. People judge you on first impression, and a neutral expression often translates to boring (trust me, I have the same problem). If it is accompanied by a somewhat stiff body language that further increases the problem. I don't know what any of us can do about it. Probably just accept it as a social handicap and try our best anyways.

Fourth: I like the two pieces.

You're not an evil genius until you have laugably horrible companions (just look at Lex Luthor's side-kicks in the old Superman movies).

Love the Evil Genius poem.

War/Peace

The fight for state peace: a mind blowing paradoxical oxymoron---literally mind blowing if you're actually fighting for peace.

Just a picture:

"Definitely they kind I want"

Typo. A lot of this would also apply nicely to a non-internet relationship. Insecurity about the thoer person, and all that jazz! Good stuff.

The Stars:

The city sky looks just fine without the stars. and the suburban sky looks just fine with them. Hell, the sky just generally looks damn good. Pollution can be aesthetically pleasing in itself. A Los Angeles sunset is especially pretty for that very reason! The sky ftw.

Me and my Robot:

The ultimate...buddy poem! Sort of. That should totally be a genre, though. :P

The fight:

Sorry, closed it before I wrote this and forgot the title! The poem itself was good, though. In fact another good batch. :)

Time for some serious catching up.

Enter the ring:

"Captain Jeffery is the winner,"

Anouncers usually say it like this

"The winner is Captain Jeffery"

And I also think it sounds better that way.

"The Gloved Assassin

Don't you mean his first tournament? Because one of the other lines said he won the whole thing, and I doubt the "tourney" had only one match.

Anyways, great prequel. Original form for an action scene.

The stars:

The "it is there all the time" argument is quite ridiculous. By the same logic you should never ever look at your wife. Sure, I'd get the argument if it was to someone who was watching the sky like all the time, but in general I find it strange how we can be constantly surrounded by such beauty and never take time to enjoy it. I must admit I rarely take time to look at the sky, but I do jog in the woods on a weekly basis and enjoy nature in general.

Me and my robot:

I'm picturing a transformer-eaque robot that is fifteen feet tall when he is sitting, being in a park and be startled by the birds. And I find the thought half funny half poetic.

War/peace:

"On this world"

In this world?

I don't think it flowed very well, but on the content: Personally, I believe that Peace can exist without war. I do see how some things can't exist if their opposite doesn't. Fun would not exist if there was no boredom for instance. With Peace and War I think it is different. The only reason why War will always exist is that it is in Man's nature and we are too lazy to build a world without a need for war. I like the lines about how a war should be fought to return to peace though.

Just a picture:

Nicely sums up what is natural to think when you are dating online. I haven't tried it, but if I don't find a women in real life, I just might check it out one day. There are a lot of good reasons to when you think about it.

A) You know for sure that the timing isn't wrong for them, otherwise they wouldn't be on a dating site.
B) Looks can be deceiving, so what you write online might actually give a more accurate first impression of you than they would  otherwise have got.
C) It is kindof safe. If it doesn't work out with someone, it is easier to just put and end to it and be done with it,
D) It seems to me that dating offline means first picking someone based on looks and then try to get to know them, which is a slow way of doing it, while online you will start by getting to know them.

On the other hand, it seems almost frightening to meet someone for the first time when you've only known them online. And of course there is the risk of scammers.

I'll catch up with the rest of it later.

We Have Been Travelling.

Probalby one of my favourite of your continuing series...es, and this was another solid installment. Some stand out stanzas here and there as well. :)

Magic Robot

This I really, really liked! Some great rhythm and language, and was great through out. Excellent stuff.

PokeFanFic:

Wait a minute. Was Jerald a neighbourhood bully after he got his pokemon? Why would he otherwise pick on Artor for not having one? So does that mean Jerald didn't start his journey right away? If he didn't, how did he manage to become the champion in less than a year?

How much older is Jerald's big brother/sister, because if that boy is just ten years younger than his uncle... I don't know if there is any statistics on it, but somehow it seems strange to me that someone with a way older brother would be a bully.

I laughed at the last part of the e-mail.

Oh and I'm looking forwards to see how this develops. I'm sure Mewtwo won't be an easy one to handle. The pokemon universe seems perfect for fan-fiction.

We Have Been Travelling:

I hope they are planning to conquer the planet of the Bombers, because that would be only fair.

Magic Robots.

Seriously one of your best poems.

I'm off to read your blog now.

@waZelda

Man chooses war, he is not lazy, he makes his choice. War is not something for lazy people, lazy people get killed quickly in war. Of course, countries wouldn't exist if man couldn't choose peace. It is man's greatest gift, and greatest curse, the power of choice. Oooh, now i want to write another poem!

starduke

I agree that war is not for the lazy people. The lazy people are the ones that could work to build a world with such harmony that war never will be better than the alternative. Sometimes war is necessary, but only because of the way the world works as of now.

As an example. If a big river runs through two countries and the first country dump chemicals in the water so that it isn't drinkable, then the second country will have to go to war unless they want millions to die of thirst. If on the other hand the first country had been forced by other countrys to stop dumping chemicals in it, then the war would not happen after all. That is one of the cases with simple sollutions, but there are some way more complex ones.

Starting from the top.

The Gamer Recruit:

"Saw a red stein"

Stain.

Pretty interesting that the military is hiring people with gaming expirience. While you do make a point about the fact that you might die in a war, that is the case for everyone. I don't think they're hiring people who can't tell the difference between war in games and real war. it might acctually be a good idea.

Antrozous:

Very good poem. I'm a little confused by your description, is it about batman or your original character, because it fits very well for batman.

The end of Bombers: The Fleet:

You posted the wrong link (I was transfered to the Gamer Recruit piece.

I must go:

Another good poem. I don't have much more to say about it though.

I'll get to the rest later.

The Fleet:

I don't have much to say about the piece itself, but I am glad that justice will come to the bombing bastards.

A man once was adviced:

Funny stuff, and you pulled it off with a great ending.

My wife she done run away:

Parody, I pressume?

"She done tried to bob a bank"

bob a bank :P

Pretty funny. Like how you use the grammatically incorrectness to make it more like a country song.

Ballad of a dyin' cowboy:

Well, if MWDRA is not parody, then this certainly worked out better, though this one as well seems a bit cliched.

To me:

My favorite out of those eight. Particularly enjoy the repetition on "to me".

Just reading a bit, and had to ask:

"She done tried to bob a bank"

Hillbilly slang? :P

a2+b2=c2 is the Pythagorean theorem, which is "In any right triangle, the area of the square whose side is the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle) is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares whose sides are the two legs (the two sides that meet at a right angle)." 

starduke

What makes you think I didn't know that? Heck, I've even tried to prove Fermat's Theorium, that a3+b3=c3 can't have any integer sollution (the theory was discribed in The Girl Who Played with Fire, which is where I saw it first). I actually came a long way too, but at one point I didn't know the math to continue.

Wait, you actually like the repetition of "To me"? Hmm, if I remember right, you did say you liked it if it worked, or something like that.

starduke

Think of it as spice in cooking. You spice something the wrong way, it will taste horrible. Spice it right and it improves the dish.

Yes, but can you figure out why it made his wife want to make him sleep on the couch?starduke

Not quite. Though it definitely have something to do with size.

The reason I haven't been posting on here a lot lately is because I've been working on a short story to submit to a magazine.

I actually want to become a published author, to have my work in print and get paid for it. 

The magazine I want to submit my story to is Asimov's Science Fiction. So, the only way to see my story is to buy a copy of that mag, and that's only if they accept it and publish it. If they don't publish it in their mag, I'll send it to some other mag. Hopefully they will accept it.

Anyway, wish me luck. 

starduke

Good luck man!

How much do they pay?

Yeah, good luck!

Being a published author would be nice. I'm planning to send in the first volume (after one and two getting combined into one) of the Super Police. That will be the third time I send something in.

It's not like anybody cares, but I'm officially declaring Stories by Starduke dead.

 I just don't have the time, nor the engery to write anymore, and I all my time I manage to grab to write is taken up by working on my books.I'm just too busy with college.

I've deleted all the posts with links to my work. I may regret it later, since I also deleted my notes in those posts, but probably not. I can still remember most of it, anyway, and what I don't isn't important. 

 So, writer's lounge, it was fun, but I must say goodbye.

starduke

That's a pity, but good luck with the books!