Does it count as a couplet poem when all the sentences rhyme with each other?
waZelda
It seems to me that AAAA is a special case of AABB, considering that the requirement for it to be a couplet is that every second line rhymes with the line immediately before it.
Yes this is going up early, but that's just to give you more time!
Contest Week 4 [Submission Week #3]: December 13 - 19
- The 'required' poem is an epic poem,
An epic is a typically long, serious poem that tells the story of a heroic figure. I do not expect the pieces to be true epics (which can be made into books), but I expect them to be at least of a decent length (no less than 16 lines) and tell the story of some heroic figure of your choosing.
---------------------------
- The 'free-write' poem has to follow standard free-write ramifications (see first post).
--------------------------Note: All submissions must be submitted in this topic by 11:59 PM EST on December 19, or face penalty. For specific information on penalties, consult the Deadlines section of the Contest Information.
----------------------
Secondly:
-The following is listed on the marking Calendar:
Contest Week 1 Marks [Nov. 22 - Nov. 28]: Posted December 12.
Contest Week 2 Marks [Nov. 29 - Dec. 5]: Posted December 19.
I would just like to say that Contest Weeks 1 and 2 will be posted together on the 19th. I have exams until the 17th @ 7 pm, and do not have the time to give a just response to your works, so I am sorry for the inconvience.
I would just like to say that Contest Weeks 1 and 2 will be posted together on the 19th. I have exams until the 17th @ 7 pm, and do not have the time to give a just response to your works, so I am sorry for the inconvience.
BlinDShoT95
damn, i was looking forewards to that :lol: but i guess now it'll be twice as good when it does come :P
can the hero be made up... like within the poem kinda thing?
and also what is your definition of hero? like superman? or like John McClane, or like your dad, or just anyone who is an iconic figure... so to speak
[QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]I would just like to say that Contest Weeks 1 and 2 will be posted together on the 19th. I have exams until the 17th @ 7 pm, and do not have the time to give a just response to your works, so I am sorry for the inconvience.
lerfish
damn, i was looking forewards to that :lol: but i guess now it'll be twice as good when it does come :P
can the hero be made up... like within the poem kinda thing?
and also what is your definition of hero? like superman? or like John McClane, or like your dad, or just anyone who is an iconic figure... so to speak
Think Paradise Lost, The Illyiad, and all that kind of stuff. They present heroic figures, the beautiful thing about this week is that it does not contrastrict you from making a mock epic in which you apply heroic and high language to a frivilious situation (Pope's Rape of the Lock is a good example). And yes, the hero can be fictional.
The first thing that came to my mind, was to write a poem about my campaign in Dragon Age, and it became a pleasant and nostalgic ride. The 80 line maximum limit was just for the free poems right? Because this poem is 104 lines. Large spoiler alert by the way.
The uniter
Xaleb, the mage elf, was ready for his harrowing
In the Fade, a demon was ready to be slain
He teamed up with a Mouse and went into battle
Mouse got a bear form from a sloth demon
Victoriously they reduced the demon to ashes
In the tower of Magi, he faced a dilemma
He would have to help or betray his friend
His friend was experimenting with blood magic
Banned throughout Ferelden
Xaleb chose to go through with betrayal
But Jowan got away
Yet his heroic act was awarded
When Duncan recruited him to fight
He would battle Darkspawn
And prevent the upcoming blight
Xaleb and two men went into the joining
Drinking the Darkspawn blood
Xaleb got through it alive
Sadly the others did not
In the battle of Osteghar he thought
But the Grey Wardens suffered defeat
Xaleb and another Warden was saved by an Eagle
And brought to the hut of a witch
Flemeth couldn't joined them in battle
But her daughter Morrigan came along
While recruiting more to their party
They went out to unite the land
And prevent that the throne went to Logayn
The traitor who just stood by and watched
When king Caylan was slain
They found the tower of Magi
In a truly terrible state
Demons were filling the halls
And mages' lives were at stake
Xaleb and his party bravely entered
Risking both life and limbs
They thought the demons off
In a battle rather grim
The town of Redcliff was on the edge of battle
But they needed armour and arms
The smith would not cooperate
Until someone saved his daughters life
Xaleb promised to help
And the battle was won with ease
But in the castle there was an evil demon
Possessing a little child
Xaleb comprimized his ideals
And went into the Fade
The demon died, the kid was spared
And his mother died instead
In the deep caves of Orzimmar
A great evil was going on
Branka the Paragon was responsible
For the suffering of her followers
Xaleb defeated the bloodmother
And found the anvil of the Void
His party defeated Branka
And the anvil were destroyed
When travelling through the Elfish forest
An important lesson they learned
Do not judge a book by its cover
Or a werewolf by his fur
The werewolves were normal men cursed
By a vengeful sorceress of the Elves
Xaleb sorted the battle out
And the poor people were saved
But the war could not be won
Without a political ally of importance
Arl Eamon was poisoned and dying
And no cure could be found
Xaleb travelled to find a sacred relic
The Ashes of the prophet Andraste
He faced villagers, fanatics and drakes
But the ashes he eventually reached
A pinch he took to cure the Arl
Then they were of to the great landsmead
In the city of Denerim
Xaleb unravelled all Logayn's sins
The landsmead saw the traitor for what we was
And they went against him
Logayn proposed a duel
And Xaleb ensured his defeat
But Xaleb was a merciful master
Letting Logayn continue to live
At the day before the final battle
Morrigan sought Xaleb out
She gave him attempting offer
That could potentially save his life
To slay the archdemon
Would take a Grey Wardens sacrifice
But there was a loophole
Known to the witches of the wild
Xaleb excepted the offer
And lay with her that night
Into Denerim the armies stormed
Killing Darkspawn in vast numbers
Finally reaching the tower
Were the archdemon was waiting
A tough battle they fought
But Xaleb stabbed the dragon in the end
That way he defeated the blight
Before it even began
Without his own sacrifice
He had united and saved the land
Hmm, I'll have to think about this one; I can't say I've ever done something along the lines of an epic before.GabuEx
Well my goal is to make you write every type of poetry throughout this contest :P
Hmm, I'll have to think about this one; I can't say I've ever done something along the lines of an epic before.GabuEx
me neither.. still not sure what to do... but i'll have a shot when i get in the right mood/frame of mind etc blah blah skfbhasdjkfbdjkbfdj
Well my goal is to make you write every type of poetry throughout this contest :P
BlinDShoT95
*gulps*
[QUOTE="lerfish"]
etc blah blah skfbhasdjkfbdjkbfdj
waZelda
This could be your catchphrase, like flash's MOAR.
You're right Zelda. .. I mean
You? You've got spunk kid, and an idea. Ideas wlil take you far, beyond your wildest dreams, you just gonna run with it,. Do it, run with your dreams, fly the wind.
Bonus goes to whoever can tell where I refrenced that from. And for the record, I don't even know, it just popped into my head.
[QUOTE="waZelda"][QUOTE="lerfish"]
etc blah blah skfbhasdjkfbdjkbfdj
BlinDShoT95
This could be your catchphrase, like flash's MOAR.
You're right Zelda. .. I mean
You? You've got spunk kid, and an idea. Ideas wlil take you far, beyond your wildest dreams, you just gonna run with it,. Do it, run with your dreams, fly the wind.
Bonus goes to whoever can tell where I refrenced that from. And for the record, I don't even know, it just popped into my head.
Hopefully you didn't reference Rathergood.com or that use of spunk is very inappropriate. You should be ashamed.
Week 1 Limericks
Sandyqbg first limerick:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
While still being quite humorous it actually manages to paint quite an evocative image for such a short piece! Enjoyably surreal!
Substance 1.5/3, Style 2/3, Rhythm and flow 2/3,
Overall value 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
What an odd cl.a.s.sroom you have there! Interesting take on the limerick form, and though there isn't much to it, it's interesting.
Substance 2/3, St.yle 1.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 1.5/3
Overall Value: 2/3
Total for this piece: 14.5/24
---------
waZelda Nature's Smile:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Another one that manages to paint a very nice picture, and it has a little more depth to go with it as well. However the flow and rhythm is a bit intrusively stop-start and the ending seems to be a bit of a mouth full.
Substance 2.5/3, St.y.le 2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
Overall value 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Consistent St.y.le and form, I like that. However, the ending was consistently jarring. Other than that, it flowed quite well. There is definitely substance to this, but I feel like there is something missing.
Substance: 2.5/3, St.y.le2/3, Flow 2/3
Overall value: 2/3
Total for this piece: 17.5/24
----------------------------
Gamegadge's Stuck spear/ Apollo ahead.
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
The stanzas do not quite compliment each other in terms of St.y.le but in terms of content it is somewhat of an enjoyable roller coaster ride with the poem being taken in a different direction with each new stanza while still making sense and staying satisfying
Substance 2.5/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 1.5/3
Overall value 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
It flows, it stylistically is fine, but the content of it is lacking to say the least. I'm not feeling it at all. It's like I was watching the intro to movie and you blew into something that was unexpected, but not in a 'good way'. Not saying this piece is bad, but the substance of it is either not there or has gone way over in my head. Now I suppose the thing that gave you a bit of a score was the final line, because I could draw something out of that, but anything else is well, a good story with nothing to it.
Substance: 1/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall Value: 2/3
Total for this piece: 15/24
----------------------
Lerfish's limerick:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
The first two stanzas here are absolutely perfect in terms of flow and rhythm! Moving perfectly not just from syllable to syllable but from stanza and stanza too. The third stanza does seem a little jarring, though, and while the last begins to flow a little better, it doesn't quite get there. It does however deliver the limerick's punchline with glee!
Substance 2/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
What an amusing piece you have here! A limerick in its true form! It flows well, though I had some issues with stanza 2, and well your opening line should be "Thanks are" not "Thanks is." Other than that, solid piece, great writing!
Substance 2.5/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3.
Overall 2/3.
Total for this write: 17/24
-----------
Kingkilla's My Friend:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Ah, Grand Theft Auto IV! You know if those social outings were indeed spent trolling they would've a lot more fun! As this poem is-err not less fun than trolling-a lot of fun!
Substance 2/3, St.y.le 2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall: 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
The rhythm is just off from being perfect, this poem has a good substance to it, and well I like the St.y.le
Substance 2/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall: 2/3
Total for this piece: 16.5/24
---------------
GaubEx's A Controllers Lament
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Quite similar to the previous limerick (obviously in content) in that it has another very momentous ending! And of course is very funny! :D
Substance 2/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
If I could give you 4/3 for Substance, I would. This piece is wonderful! The rhythm was slightly off as I kept reading through it, but it's nothing to worry about.
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 18.5/24
------------------
Week 1 Freewrites:
waZelda's Aida:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
I think this has a little more depth than the limerick and I think he absolutely kills the rhythm and flow. It moves effortlessly from stanza to stanza and the swapping of 'it's' and 'it is' is a rhythmical masterstroke!
Substance 2/3, St.y.le3/3, Rhythm and flow 3/3
Overall value 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Sadly, this poem seemed to just drone on. I mean it flowed well, and had a decent amount of substance to it, but the St.y.lejust bugs me. I must say that the 'saving grace' of this was the repetition of 'Aida ain't a person.' And on that note, the other great thing about the repetition is the constant alliteration (err assonance in this case), which makes it easier, and more entertaining to read.
Substance 2/3, St.y.le1.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2/3
Overall value 2/3
Total for this piece: 18/24
----------------
Lerfish's When Cyclops Run the Town
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
The cycle of power! Wonderfully told with excellent use of punctuation to further control the flow and rhythm of the poem and it definitely has depth too. While psychics and Cyclops might not be to everyone's taste they should still absolutely be appreciated as a metaphor. And besides what kind of a cold hearted person could dislike psychics and Cyclops?!
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
I don't know why, but this line "A cold look. There. A lost one there" bothered me so much. Other than that, great piece! It flows almost perfectly, the St.y.leis good, and there is definite substance to the piece (recurrent cycles anyone?).
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3.
Total for this piece: 21/24
------------
Kingkilla3's Through my Window
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
For me it creates a very strong atmosphere of seagulls and seaside windows on a dull rainy day with lonely people out in the cold feeding the birds while I watch on unwilling to join them. That's really damn high praise! I'm also hesitant to fault the flow in the middle where it doesn't seem to be quite as sharp as other times because that uneasiness adds to the atmosphere. And the ending here was momentous too!
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Stylistically, if you are going to punctuate part of the piece, punctuate all of it. This piece flowed quite well in some spots, but fell off that rhythm occasionally. As for what this poem holds in its substance, well this is deep.
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 19.5/24
-------------------
GaubEx's The Foreigner:
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
The second stanza and these two lines really stood out for me: "smile at you when I see you, sure,
But discomfort is what I feel inside." Both wonderfully telling the reader of fear of foreigners, yet in that fear also showing that you already having something in common with them. ;) Brilliant!
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Wow, what write, although the ending didn't have the intended effect on me. It was actually quite trying to read the final stanza (even though it isn't that long). Other than that, great writing!
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3.
Total for this piece: 19/24
-----------------
gamegade's The Boy, The Freefalling Fairy and The Burnt Beautician.
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
3 poems in one! Well sort of. >_> Anyway it's a damn good one with flowing language and rhymes to half-rhymes to stanza to stanza! Still nothing can beat this stanza for me: "His murder weapon is his sarcastic outburst, his conscience is his confusion, his full bag strained and bursting. They never understood him." Almost telling the whole poem (not that the rest seemed unnecessary) in one wonderfully crafted stanza. Some of the similes were also a highlight, while not always flowing, they hit the mark perfectly in terms of content and imagery.
Substance 3/3, St.y.le2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
This poem carries substance, but I feel like it is lacking. It holds the imagery, it holds a good rhythm, and it tells a story, so perhaps the fault is in the story itself. But I digress; this piece is good, not fantastic, but good and deep enough to warrant it being re-read.
Substance 2.5/3, St.y.le1.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 18.5/24
---
Week 1 Totals:
Sandyqbg:
Required: 14.5/24
Freewrite: 0/24 (Not submitted)
Total: 14.5/24
waZelda:
Required: 17.5/24
Freewrite: 18/24
Total: 35.5/48
Gamegadge:
Required: 15/24
Freewrite: 18.5/24
Total: 33.5/48
Lerfish
Required: 17/24
Freewrite: 21/24
Total: 38/48
Kingkilla3
Required: 16.5/24
Freewrite: 19.5/24
Total: 36/24
GaubEx
Required: 18.5/24
Freewrite: 19/24
Total: 37.5
----------------------------
Rankings:
Lerfish: 38 Points
GaubEx: 37.5 Points
Kingkilla3: 36 Points
waZelda: 35.5 Points
Gamegade: 33.5 Points
Sandyqbg: 14.5 Points
----
Week 2 marks will be posted soon.
While the others are busy fighting their fear for epic poems, I'll just go ahead and add my free poem (The pictures aren't part of the contest, but they are added for poetic reasons).
Heart
Your heart is not a glass figurine
It's not so fragile it must be put on a shelf
And used for decoration
Don't treat it as such!
Your heart is not a solid rock
It's not so strong and unbreakable
That you can use it carelessly
Don't treat it as such!
Your heart is more like a sea star
Vulnerable and easy to break
But able to heal itself over time
Treat it as such!
Sweet! We also like bribes!
And well I must say I was suprised that you weren't atop the leader board :P
"fear of foreigners"?
...I kind of think that the metaphor was lost somewhere along the way. :P
Congrats to lerfish for his first-place finish in the first week!
(By the way, since you misspelled my name every single time, I thought I'd note that it's GabuEx... :P)
"fear of foreigners"?
...I kind of think that the metaphor was lost somewhere along the way. :P
Congrats to lerfish for his first-place finish in the first week!
(By the way, since you misspelled my name every single time, I thought I'd note that it's GabuEx... :P)
GabuEx
Oh damn. I'm sorry :(
i don't know if we're allowed to criticise the results :lol: but i'd like to sharer my thoughts on them
Week 1 Limericks
Gamegadge's Stuck spear/ Apollo ahead.Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
It flows, it stylistically is fine, but the content of it is lacking to say the least. I'm not feeling it at all. It's like I was watching the intro to movie and you blew into something that was unexpected, but not in a 'good way'. Not saying this piece is bad, but the substance of it is either not there or has gone way over in my head. Now I suppose the thing that gave you a bit of a score was the final line, because I could draw something out of that, but anything else is well, a good story with nothing to it.
BlinDShoT95
i actually thought this piece was very good and i would agree with foolz, i thought this piece was one of the poems in week one with the most substance. I thought it dealt with a very intresting feeling/subject and showed it very well, probably one of my fav poems from Gamergadge =] (not having a go, im just saying i liked it =])
Lerfish's limerick:
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
What an amusing piece you have here! A limerick in its true form! It flows well, though I had some issues with stanza 2, and well your opening line should be "Thanks are" not "Thanks is." Other than that, solid piece, great writing!
BlinDShoT95
obviously i'm very very pleased with my results for the first week and thanks you for the comments! I never thought about the "Thanks is" so thanks. And it wasn't supposed to be amusing but ok :P :lol:
GaubEx's A Controllers Lament
BlinDShoT95
i too liked this, v humourous :P
Week 1 Freewrites:
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Sadly, this poem seemed to just drone on. I mean it flowed well, and had a decent amount of substance to it, but the St.y.lejust bugs me. I must say that the 'saving grace' of this was the repetition of 'Aida ain't a person.' And on that note, the other great thing about the repetition is the constant alliteration (err assonance in this case), which makes it easier, and more entertaining to read.BlinDShoT95
Lerfish's When Cyclops Run the Town
BlinDShoT95
again, very happy with comments here :D
GaubEx's The Foreigner:
BlinDShoT95
i liked this one a lot too
gamegade's The Boy, The Freefalling Fairy and The Burnt Beautician.BlinDShoT95
i've said it already and i'll say it again, probably one of my favorite pieces ever so far. it's fantastic, the content is great and it's told beautifully :) Well done!
i don't know if we're allowed to criticise the results :lol: but i'd like to sharer my thoughts on themlerfish
Go for it.
i actually thought this piece was very good and i would agree with foolz, i thought this piece was one of the poems in week one with the most substance. I thought it dealt with a very intresting feeling/subject and showed it very well, probably one of my fav poems from Gamergadge =] (not having a go, im just saying i liked it =])lerfish
The reason that Foolz3h and myself are judging this together is because we have vastly different tastes in poetry. We both appreciate style, and the flow that a piece has -- that's mostly an objective thing (and the scores mostly seem to reflect that), whereas the substance of a piece is something that we are divided on. What poetry does for us is vastly different.
I looked at my scores at the write you refer to, and it is not a bad write, it just wasn't amazing for me. Foolz3h loved it, and that's fair for him. I know Gamergadge is a great writer who has posted a lot of good stuff (which I really enjoy reading), but this piece didn't blow me away by any stretch.
We know that the ratings are subjective, and we did talk about where we were divided in our markings, but ultimately we decided that we held fair views about the pieces. I wouldn't say that anyone in this contest is a bad writer (in fact I'd argue the exact opposite with confidence), but pieces vary and thus reactions will vary accordingly. The beauitful thing about literature is that individuals can draw very different things out of it. We do our best to grade things fairly, and thus are bound to have differences in our ratings.
Hope that validates the markings for you :)
The reason that Foolz3h and myself are judging this together is because we have vastly different tastes in poetry. We both appreciate style, and the flow that a piece has -- that's mostly an objective thing (and the scores mostly seem to reflect that), whereas the substance of a piece is something that we are divided on. What poetry does for us is vastly different.
I looked at my scores at the write you refer to, and it is not a bad write, it just wasn't amazing for me. Foolz3h loved it, and that's fair for him. I know Gamergadge is a great writer who has posted a lot of good stuff (which I really enjoy reading), but this piece didn't blow me away by any stretch.
We know that the ratings are subjective, and we did talk about where we were divided in our markings, but ultimately we decided that we held fair views about the pieces. I wouldn't say that anyone in this contest is a bad writer (in fact I'd argue the exact opposite with confidence), but pieces vary and thus reactions will vary accordingly. The beauitful thing about literature is that individuals can draw very different things out of it. We do our best to grade things fairly, and thus are bound to have differences in our ratings.
Hope that validates the markings for you :)
BlinDShoT95
Oh yeah, i wasn't accusing you of calling anyone a bad writer or anything i just thought i'd share my view. It's fair enough, you're right, everyone has their own interpretation and is entitle to it and i appreciate that :)
Sweet! We also like bribes!
And well I must say I was suprised that you weren't atop the leader board :P
BlinDShoT95
Well, you did give my free-poem 7.5/12, so it shouldn't be all that surprising.
I think that ideally we should have had more judges, because poems effect people in different ways (I mean foolz gave Aida 10.5 while you gave it 7.5), so to get the right idea of how well it is, you should have an average score from a greater number of people. But well, it is a small union after all.
[QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]Sweet! We also like bribes!
And well I must say I was suprised that you weren't atop the leader board :P
waZelda
Well, you did give my free-poem 7.5/12, so it shouldn't be all that surprising.
I think that ideally we should have had more judges, because poems effect people in different ways (I mean foolz gave Aida 10.5 while you gave it 7.5), so to get the right idea of how well it is, you should have an average score from a greater number of people. But well, it is a small union after all.
Fair enough, I guess my own stupidity expected you to be in first. Well I think that is the biggest difference and in a score of 12, having a difference of 3 is a 25% deviation, so that's not that bad. Correct me if I'm wrong though. I think we'd only have a problem if one of us gave it a 5, and the other a 12, then there are definite problems there. As for more judges, it may be too late for this, and well there are only a few people in this competition, it would be a little ridculious to have more than one more judge. I don't know though. What I do like is that both scores matter equally so they do average out ... And well, I hope the scores aren't that controversial :P
"fear of foreigners"?
...I kind of think that the metaphor was lost somewhere along the way. :P
Congrats to lerfish for his first-place finish in the first week!
(By the way, since you misspelled my name every single time, I thought I'd note that it's GabuEx... :P)
GabuEx
Fear of strangers, the unkown?Could you elaborate?
Either way I'm standing by my interpritation. It is poetry after all. :P
[QUOTE="waZelda"][QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]
Sweet! We also like bribes!
And well I must say I was suprised that you weren't atop the leader board :P
BlinDShoT95
Well, you did give my free-poem 7.5/12, so it shouldn't be all that surprising.
I think that ideally we should have had more judges, because poems effect people in different ways (I mean foolz gave Aida 10.5 while you gave it 7.5), so to get the right idea of how well it is, you should have an average score from a greater number of people. But well, it is a small union after all.
Fair enough, I guess my own stupidity expected you to be in first. Well I think that is the biggest difference and in a score of 12, having a difference of 3 is a 25% deviation, so that's not that bad. Correct me if I'm wrong though. I think we'd only have a problem if one of us gave it a 5, and the other a 12, then there are definite problems there. As for more judges, it may be too late for this, and well there are only a few people in this competition, it would be a little ridculious to have more than one more judge. I don't know though. What I do like is that both scores matter equally so they do average out ... And well, I hope the scores aren't that controversial :P
You're forgetting about a certain ILF! But even with two it should all even out by the end.
[QUOTE="GabuEx"]"fear of foreigners"?
...I kind of think that the metaphor was lost somewhere along the way. :P
Congrats to lerfish for his first-place finish in the first week!
(By the way, since you misspelled my name every single time, I thought I'd note that it's GabuEx... :P)
Foolz3h
Fear of strangers, the unkown?Could you elaborate?
Either way I'm standing by my interpritation. It is poetry after all. :P
[QUOTE="waZelda"][QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]
Sweet! We also like bribes!
And well I must say I was suprised that you weren't atop the leader board :P
BlinDShoT95
Well, you did give my free-poem 7.5/12, so it shouldn't be all that surprising.
I think that ideally we should have had more judges, because poems effect people in different ways (I mean foolz gave Aida 10.5 while you gave it 7.5), so to get the right idea of how well it is, you should have an average score from a greater number of people. But well, it is a small union after all.
Fair enough, I guess my own stupidity expected you to be in first. Well I think that is the biggest difference and in a score of 12, having a difference of 3 is a 25% deviation, so that's not that bad. Correct me if I'm wrong though. I think we'd only have a problem if one of us gave it a 5, and the other a 12, then there are definite problems there. As for more judges, it may be too late for this, and well there are only a few people in this competition, it would be a little ridculious to have more than one more judge. I don't know though. What I do like is that both scores matter equally so they do average out ... And well, I hope the scores aren't that controversial :P
You're forgetting about a certain ILF! But even with two it should all even out by the end.
A certain ILF cannot committ to doing it because of time issues :P
Fear of strangers, the unkown?Could you elaborate?
Either way I'm standing by my interpritation. It is poetry after all. :P
Foolz3h
Fair enough, I can't argue with that. Maybe we should get the judges to say what their interpretation of each poem was each week - that might be a fun read. :P
My intent, however, was this:
- The speaker (who is the titular "foreigner") is one who is introverted and socially inept.
- The castle is the state of being apart from other people.
- The castle is "far away" because it represents being away from other people.
- The castle is "seen quite nearby" because anyone who is living in their own world is living there - hence, anyone you see on the street who is averting their eyes from passers-by might be there.
- The speaker feels "at home" (find our home) when he is in the castle - that is, away from interaction with others.
- Anyone who lives in the castle will not know anyone else there, because they are all keeping to themselves, and thus are unaware of whether or not anyone else is the same way.
- The speaker must leave his state of solitude anytime he has to do something in life that involves interaction with others, especially when, say, the speaker's co-workers invite him out for a night on the town and won't take "no" for an answer.
- The place where the one lives to whom the speaker is speaking is away from the place of solitude - that is, it is in a place where social interaction is almost guaranteed.
- The speaker understands every word the speaker says because they are speaking the same language.
- The speaker understands nothing of what the person says (what the he declares that he wants to do), nor the "rituals" he does (going to bars, picking up girls, etc.), nor the friends he has (who are like him), because he doesn't get social interaction.
- The speaker muses about why he doesn't like social interaction: is it because he doesn't like people ("Do I not wish to hear? Do I hate you and your kind?"), or is it because he's afraid of rejection ("Is it that I can't understand? Am I paralyzed by fear?")?
- Finally, the speaker's engagement with other people comes to an end, and with relief, he can go back to being alone.
Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around to post more up/leave comments on other works and also missing a few weeks of the poetry competition ( :( ) - I moved house and it has taken yonks for the internet to get re-connected. I (allegedly...) get it back on friday.
I can't really check much about the competition or the union otherwise at the moment - i'm in class, a boring as hell subject, with the teacher giving me suspiscious glances .
Not overjoyed with my results (which i did manage a peak at) but hey-ho. Hopefully i'll be taking part again soon.
'grats to lerfish for coming top, nice one man. Also GabuEx - good stuff man, really, i enjoyed it. And the others too (Dissapointed to see honkyjoe have to drop out - i checked some of his stuff, was impressed) . Hopefully be back soon guys.
P.S. BlindShot, i hope i don't appear rude or just an arrogant douche but i do think my limmerick had more content than you gave it credit for. Just to say! But hey, no arguin' with the ref huh, peace!
Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around to post more up/leave comments on other works and also missing a few weeks of the poetry competition ( :( ) - I moved house and it has taken yonks for the internet to get re-connected. I (allegedly...) get it back on friday.
I can't really check much about the competition or the union otherwise at the moment - i'm in class, a boring as hell subject, with the teacher giving me suspiscious glances .
Not overjoyed with my results (which i did manage a peak at) but hey-ho. Hopefully i'll be taking part again soon.
'grats to lerfish for coming top, nice one man. Also GabuEx - good stuff man, really, i enjoyed it. And the others too (Dissapointed to see honkyjoe have to drop out - i checked some of his stuff, was impressed) . Hopefully be back soon guys.
P.S. BlindShot, i hope i don't appear rude or just an arrogant douche but i do think my limmerick had more content than you gave it credit for. Just to say! But hey, no arguin' with the ref huh, peace!
gamegadge
Lol feel free to argue. It won't change anything :P. We tried to be fair, and well someone is bound to gripe at the end of the day. Oddly enough it's nice that it wasn't just you that stood up about the score (kudos to lerfish). All I can say that hasn't already been said is that writers' intent =/= readers' reaction. It's not a science, it's an art, and believe me when I say that we are doing our best.
As for your personal situation. If you could submit week 2, and week 4 by saturday then consider the penalty waved. If you were moving and all that, then an exception is most certainly acceptable :)
Ok, here's my entry for week 4. I've not really been in a creative mood at all this week, i really struggled with the set one even but it'll have to do, i hope it's ok. I've used another prewritten one for my freewrite... again, sorry, i hate doing it but i've just not been in the right frame of mind at all this week, i'll try and actually write something new next week.
Required
He, The Nameless Man
He was no stranger to the place
but the place was strange to him
with little purpose he wandered
round and in the tree he went
then one day whilst drinking tea, alone
a message arrived with a gasp
everyone was in jeopardy
but he was an exception
You see he was a little different
his backround was not the same
he was not born of woman
or even man for facts.
He came from the ground
the earth itself, rich
in all it's forms
but he grew up troubled
never to see
another eye to eye.
For years he kept his hood up
he was affraid of looking up
then one day he thought
"what's the point?"
and attempted suicide.
Upon the bridge he epiphanised
he did not hate this world
it was the world that hated him
and so he packed his things and left.
He walked for days
he walked for nights
until his feet were swollen
he could not walk further on
and collapsed against a tree
He was on no path, or trail
those he'd long forgotten
and the tree he came to rest upon
was the largest of its kind.
A mighty oak, undiscovered
and so he made his home.
Day by day he carved the oak
he made his home inside.
He lived alone, a happy life
nature was his friend.
Then this one day a message came
in the form of a small child
he looked quite scared
and ten times tired
but his message did recite:
"The p-people of
your native land
n-need a saviour please
a h-h-horid
curse was cast
i'm awfully scared
so p-p-p-please!
Don't hurt me Mr, Please!"
He pondered for a moment
deep amongst his thoughts.
The people who refused him
and had treated him abnormal
were now in great great danger
and requested for his help
The boy waited quietly
he looked more scared than ever
he consider him for a moment
then bent down to the small soldier
"don't be scared, your innocent
i have no need to hurt you
but your ancestors hated me
they drove me near to death.
I fled their land, in spite of them
that's what they gave to me,
and now you ask despite all this
for me to save their lives?
Well heres a shock,
a stroke of luck
i'll do my best to help
to show your people kindness
that they never showed to me.
I'll show them i'm a rightous being
not a gruesome beast
and maybe when i save their lives
they'll say hello to me"
Freewrite
The Rainbow Runs Clear
The singular star,
and the little girl's scars
with the yellow sun
and the orange sky,
but cupid flies high
when the rainbow goes clear.
It's a wonder to all,
but the bullets don't fly
when the little girl cries
so she fights back her tears
and keeps on a smile,
despite the occassion,
the rainbow shows clear.
Even when the end's near
it's an essential assignment
to stay just the same,
and it occurs to each one of us
even me and you too
so the rainbow runs clear
when the disaster gets here.
Poetic Prodigy Week 2
waZelda's All That Matters
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
It flows extremely well and it's a very nice touch having the realisation being much more abrupt than the rest of the poem. Nice stuff!
Substance 2/3, Style 2/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95
Not a bad poem at all. A few spots here and there where there were too many syllables in a line, but solid flow. I like the **** and there is a solid base for this piece. Some lines were fantastic, especially: "I will show what you need to see // And tell you who you need to be" One note is that I think you misspelt serious: "Use less time being series // And more being delirious"
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for This Piece: 17/24
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Lerfish's Whispers
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Another I think starts a little unsatisfyingly. It feels like the rhythm that permeates the rest of the one is still developing, rather than a deliberate effect. Once again when it gets going it's rollicking stuff with a strong rhythm and the jarring pauses are thrown in perfectly! In terms of substance, though I think the opposite! Extremely satisfying with hypocrisy (maybe too strong a word) left well exposed in a satisfying light.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Not a bad piece, I like the contradictions which work to bring out the meaning of your piece, but what I'm not feeling about this write is some of the rhymes used. They seem forced at points, and well stylistically, it's an interesting way to bring forth your point, but I feel like it is not all that phenomenal. It is a solid write, but not that amazing in my view.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 19.5/24
-----------
Kingkilla3's Ominous Becoming
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Ah yes, to be buried in Crice would truly be a terrible thing! :P Another entertaining couplet with just the right amount of humour and description. And even perhaps a little darkness, and not to forget fantastic lines like this: "The builders have arrived to build another bay //They built a set of hundreds, but what do they say?"
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Nice writing; it flows beautifully, has a solid base of substance to it, and was delivered nicely.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this write: 18/24
-----------
GabuEx's A History of Twenty-Seven
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Witty and definitely entertaining! Extra points for the multi-syllable rhymes! At times it does seem a little forced, but that fits perfectly with the tone of the poem so that's not really a criticism! Gilbert and Sullivan would be proud! :P
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3,
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
The first two stanzas were fantastic, but I feel like the third stanza dropped off a bit (especially line 2 of that stanza). It's a good write, I love how it flows for the most part, and well good job.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this write: 17.5/24
------------
Helios_Rietberg's Required Piece
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Some great imagery despite the rhymes feeling a little laboured at times! Boats ftw! :P
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
Overall 2/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
Methinks that is must be one of the weakest writes you have ever written,however I suppose that isn't saying much. It isn't a train-wreck in terms of substance or s.t.y.l.e, but the flow is another story. You aren't a couplet poem person so don't worry too much about it.
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 1.5/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 15/24
---------------
--------------
Freewrites
waZelda's Circle
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Now this is great! Fantastic structure and flow both as a whole and within each stanza. Brilliant stuff! The substance is simple, sure but is presented in such a pleasing way that it doesn't really matter.
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
I couldn't help but feel like this piece was begging for another stanza, it seems to just drop off at the end. It flows wonderfully, has a strong content base behind it, but seems unfinished. Other than that, the line: "Spiraling, rotating" bugged me, it just seemed off with the rest of the stanza.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 19.5/24
-----------
GabuEx's Exodus
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
I feel that the first stanza doesn't quite flow as it should, and its lack of consistency doesn't for me add to the poem. Nevertheless after the first stanza it really gets going and flows effortlessly forward, line to line, stanza to stanza. The shorter stanzas between each longer one is a nice touch too, and really help give the poem a rhythm and speed. Great work!
Correction: On second thoughts the shorter first stanza makes the fear and death far more powerful, so my apologies on my first read! I'd also like to my point that: "Kindness gone from house of white.
Shotgun-shredded olive branches" is a brilliantly realised passage, especially the latter line. Wonderful use language!
Substance2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
What a write! Powerful, meaningful, and well is all around fantastic - well almost. The final stanza bothers me, it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the piece in terms of how it is stated (content wise it's fantastic). But I digress, that is one blemish amidst a fantastic poem.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 20.5/24
--------------
Lerfish's The Prophets
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Brilliant imagery, flow, description and meaning! Not much more to say except I loved it! :)
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 3/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
I see what you're trying to do with this piece, and at points it's hitting me, but I feel it's lacking at points. Other than that, it flows wonderfully, and has a strong idea behind it
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 20/24
--------------
Kingkilla3's The Cinder March
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Very cold indeed! And wet, yet not dreary by the end of it! It reminded me very much of a Russian religious poem with all the hurting and hope and I greatly enjoyed it because of it!
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
This is a fantastic write with a great title. At the end of this, I was hoping for more, but alas no more was received.
Substance 3/3, s.t.y.l.e3/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Total for this piece: 21.5/24
---------------
Helios_Rietberg's Freewrite
Thoughts by Foolz3h:
Rubbish quality? Well I certainly enjoyed it greatly! Apart form a slowish start when it got a hold of me it was a very satisfying read. Great imagery, great flow, and the rhyming in it was used to great effect, to the point where the rhymes seemed a coincidence. And I mean that as a compliment, I really do!
Substance 2/3, s.t.y.l.e2.5/3, Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Overall 2.5/3
Thoughts by BlinDShoT95:
This piece at points underachieves what you have set out to do, and accomplished in the more refined parts of the piece. My point? Some of this piece is fantastic, some of it lacking - but all of flows nicely, and stylistically isn't too shabby.
Substance 2.5/3, s.t.y.l.e2/3, Rhythm and Flow 2.5/3
Overall 2/3
Total for this piece: 18.5/24
---------
Week 2 Totals:
waZelda:
Required: 17/24
Freewrite: 19.5/24
Total: 36.5/48
Lerfish
Required: 19.5/24
Freewrite: 20/24
Total: 39.5/48
Kingkilla3
Required: 18/24
Freewrite: 21.5/24
Total: 39.5/48
GabuEx
Required: 17.5/24
Freewrite: 20.5/24
Total: 38/48
Helios_Rietberg
Required: 15/24
Freewrite: 18.5/24
Total: 33.5/48
----------------------------
Rankings:
Lerfish: 77.5 Points
GabuEx: 75.5 Points
Kingkilla3: 75.5 Points
waZelda: 72 Points
Helios_rietberg 33.5 Points (No week 1 Freewrite or Required Write)
Gamegade: 33.5 Points (No Week 2 Required or FreeWrites)
Sandyqbg: 14.5 Points (No Week 1 Freewrite, No Week 2 Required or Freewrites)
*Any missing writes that are submitted will only suffer a 2 point deducation, I would like if everyone participated who has signed up, so until Saturday December 19 @ 11:59 PM EST all past writes will be accepted at the cost of 2 points off the total score (not from the score by each judge).*
GaubExBlinDShoT95
Oh dear. The Google thing isn't working properly for me, so I will post my first poem here.
The Soldier and the Wicked Ones
Path the Walk
A barrel and a bottle of wine
A soldier on a heated decline
And a castle with towers numbering four
Clouds on the outline
Living on the concave
A gift for one's own kind
A prize for the lone brave
On the horizon lay not wicked of one
Nor did lie wicked ones of two
One wicked one per tower
Unus, duo, tres, quattuor
Each dead soul held one crown each
Which lived upon the silent breath
One for tactics, one for speech
One for lies and one for death
A Master for the Trick
The ways of this age feel stronger
The waves are not getting any shorter
The ways that are desire
Are like evaporating water
We have here a trick for the master
The days feel strangely slower
We have paved the walkway
To plot the extraneous hall–may I interrupt?
No, thou canst not!
I live in the castle and I rule the plot
One man cometh, canst thou not see?
I've told thee before
When?
Once in a dream!
We need an opponent
A man of fair wrath
The walkway's old ants
The curtain's sole moth
Our plans cannot slip
We need a master
For the trip
I Know Your Genre
Olden gifted eagle gliding at the breeze
The spider is alive and writes the way he weaves
The soldier knows the signs
The soldier knows the way
He will drink all the wines
He will drink them one per day
"I know thy kind, soldier"
As he steps towards the gate
Thy kind is indebted
Thou art several payments late
"We shall take thy money if we find it in the blood"
I take it from the vein, you take it from the heart
I leave my arms in the home, but the legs in the mud
I dare you to come over here and just you try to start
Master Soldier in (Alb)ion
Master soldier in a war against himself
The ones in the towers took a vial from the shelf
One more sip is death and it's certain
One fewer, prepare to lower the curtain
And you'll fail
Master soldier in a maze of halls
Glaring at him are paintings on the walls
One more look is fear to subside
One fewer look and he'll have to decide
What to do
And you'll see war
Not to do things from the floor
Master soldier in a mysterious...
"We await"
We Are
"We are the wicked ones"
The soldier stared
Wicked ones were just what he had feared
But note the "had" and give me your pen
I'll save you
As the writer, I can help to mend
"We are the wicked ones
We are under control"
Look at them soldier
And look at them roll
All those towers in the fiery darkness
For you to hold
Are there and cold
And bare and old
And beer is sold
Because all I want is my bottle of wine
So the evil spirits won't take my mind
And the wicked ones died in tragic fishing accidents
[QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]GaubExkingkilla3
Damn it was spelt wrong because I copy and pasted that section. Tsk tsk.
I find it interesting that nobody has ever done better to date on their required poem than their free-write poem.GabuEx
Hmm, that is interesting. I guess it makes sense though -- people are more comfortable and are better skilled at writing their style of poem rather than being confined to a specific structure.
[QUOTE="BlinDShoT95"]Rankings:
Lerfish: 77.5 Points
GabuEx: 75.5 Points
Kingkilla3: 75.5 Points
waZelda: 70 Points
waZelda
I got 35.5 the first week, and 36.5 the second, meaning a 72 point total, not 70.
Sorry. I don't know how I managed to screw that up.
Okay, my horrible writer's block is still acting up on me. This is my make-up for Week 1:
Required:
Spilt coffee and disfigured mugs
Plague the canteen like dishonoured thugs
Invigorating the patrons' dissolute eyes
With impalpable and ambiguous ties
On the strip-teaser's belt studs.
Free-Write:
I am often confronted by speechlessnessAs my writer's block continues... this is for Week 4!
Required:
I say, dear Harrison
What brings thou to thy knees?
While the world awaits thy heroic deeds
Here thou lies, charred and covered by fleas
Impatience and shame covers their faces
To see thou cowering in their places
When thou wast once hero in their minds
Thou released them from their binds
To give them peace and harmony be
In line with lore long carved upon the tree
But now thy body lies impossibly wrecked
Void and incapable of drawing respect
How any man could fall so far from grace
Is something unfit to be told on this space
Where weeping mothers and bawling children
Will lay their flowers for the kingdom
As they celebrate the death of one once so pure
For thy disgrace is not one to endure
Alas, Harrison, I will let thou be
While thou rot away here beneath the sea
Incomprehensibly so forgotten and discarded
So soon by the people that thou rewarded
Thy memories shall remain on their lips
Until the bard receives no more tips.
Free-Write:
Scent of Autumn
The fireflies of the summer dimmed into the past
So many things fade like dust and winter's gusts
I've taken the empty words and trembling hourglasses
To sail the world with me in dazzling, chapped horizons
Endeavours upon disguises, silence in our minds
We envy the buzzing timelessness of the lighted fireflies
Chalked and restless grey, a distant opal of deceit
Unmasking, silent, and you, ever discreet
Cooling rain and sauntering songs, words and echoing tunes
Joyous dances and tittering ladies, potter through the dunes
Nostalgia and nausea rush to me, seeming none so different
While we talk and smell the hallways, so dried of yesterday
The chapel rings in amber mist, rays of tomes and light
Choral bells and bowls of memories, shine in blinding sight
Moaning in the shadow of the past, cringing past the ocean
Cloaked and yielding in the needs
Of explicit and deceptive motions.
I see you in the scent of autumn
Waving distant goodbye
As we raise our hands and talk the emptiness
Of vague and hollow skies.
Quattour? Is that Portuguise or did you write it wrong on purpose to make it rhyme with two?
waZelda
It is Latin.
And here is my other poem:
Could It Be... Murder?, Part 1
Sipping from the mug of Dravidian root
Under the glass chandelier
A man with a letter opener sat on his chair
The breeze shut the window as though it was fair
Then the glint of the blade took in the design
And the letter appeared in a moment of time
"Live from the distant lands you know
But this is a private source
There is a union up here conversing by Morse
One of your old friends is in on the game
I have here a note from which you will see
The plans of a murder of both you and me"
His eyes gathered space in the light of these words
He then blinked in his disbelief
It's not daily that of one's murder one learns
So who was the one who brought forth this grief?
I do not know if there will be a second part! I left this as it is because either it would have seemed rushed, or it would have seemed too long, especially when I've just posted another long one.
I do not know if there will be a second part! I left this as it is because either it would have seemed rushed, or it would have seemed too long, especially when I've just posted another long one. kingkilla3
Honestly, no one really notices that let alone cares :P Post what you think is the best :). And remember you have until Saturday Night (Tomorrow Night) to submit your work!
What's an epic poem?
My week 4 free-write
All around battle rages,
I stand all alone.
I could have been working for wages,
And here I'm far from home.
The foe is in front of me,
Standing tall and proud.
And yet, this is what I see,
A man hidden by a shroud.
His heart still aches for it to end,
As does mine.
How I'd love to call him 'friend'
And toast a glass of wine.
He drew his weapon and our eyes met,
I knew what that meant-
Rolled down, a bead of sweat,
I had to take the torment.
It had to be only one of us,
One had to finish the other.
It makes me sad, I confess
But that was the law of war.
Pardon me if its a little sloppy. If this fits the styIe of an epic poem, you can take it as one.
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