The Uniter
Solid poem. The rhymes generally seemed to carry the poem along very well, while the few stanzas without rhymes seemed to drag a bit more. But overall it managed to make a concept that I would normally find boring quite entertaining!
Flow and rhythm 2/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe 2/3
Heart
Once again not a subject I'd necessarily find that interesting normally, but I really enjoyed this one! The illustrations were used nicely too! Also really liked your use of a repeated line through out the poem and the very short stanzas. Great work!
Substance 2/3
Flow and rhythm 2.5/3
StyIe 3/3
He, the nameless man
Another strong poem, though it did seem to not quite flow at times.
Speaking of flow, though:
"For years he kept his hood up
he was afraid of looking up
then one day he thought
"what's the point?"
and attempted suicide."
That part flowed absolutely brilliantly, and so did the final stanza I think! Great work overall. So, the moral of the story is: treat someone as badly as you like as long as you don't kill them, so that you can rely on them in the future! :D :P
Substance 2.5/3
Flo w and rhythm 2/3
StyIe 2/3
The Rainbow Runs Clear
This one I really enjoyed from a flow/styIe perspective! I actually thought you pulled off the rhyming extremely well, even if you hate the damn thing. :P
Substance 2/3
Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
StyIe 2/3
The Soldier and the Wicked Ones
Not sure if it counts as an epic, but it was epic! Very much had the feeling of slow days drinking beer and waiting to die for me. In the trenches of course, with a little dandruff in your bearshine for flavouring! The only area where it mostly faulted for me were the short rhymes in the first half, and the long rhymes in the second, but otherwise I really did greatly enjoy it!
Substance 2.5/3
Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
StyIe 3/3
Helios:
Required
Bah, writer's block, writer's smock! Once again I actually very much enjoyed this. Very succinct, sure, but it's got a good rhythm to it, and the final rhyme cracks a very nice punch!
Substance 1.5/3
Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
StyIe 2.5/3
Free-write
Another good-un though I didn't enjoy it from a technical stand point as much as the last one, it still served its purpose successfully and conjured up nicely lonely humid days! For me anyway...
Substance 2/3
Rhythm and flow 2/3
StyIe 2.5/3
Required week 4 Helios
While the rhyming didn't hit the right note all the time for me, it was still an entertaining read with good comic timing! :)
Substance 2/3
Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
StyIe 2/3
Scent of Autumn
Once again I think the rhymes were off at times, but when they were on it was great to read! The last stanza flowed especially well and illustrated nicely the rest of the poem! The very jagged punctuation structure exaggerated the less successful rhymes, but they also did the same with the successful ones, so I've got to give you kudos for that!
Rhythm and flow 1.2.0/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe 3/3
Could it Be... Murder? Part 1
Short but mostly sweet! I think the first stanza flowed extremely well and managed to rhyme on his chair with chandelier in a very enjoyable way which is a feet in and of itself! So overall another humorous and successful read!
Rhythm and flow 2/5 (that's right! Take that New Zealand!)
Substance 2/3
StyIe 2/3
Sandyqbg's week 4 free-writ
A reluctant soldier! Got the point across very nicely, I think, and I enjoyed the very simple structure. :)
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe 2/3
Life and Death
I don't think this entirely worked. As the stanzas began to increase in length they began to become a little bit meandering to me, and said a little more than seemed necessary. But that's not to say there weren't times when it worked, and when it did it was brilliant. These two stanzas:
"And you replied in kind.
And as we kissed,
And as we both cried,
It seemed like the world melted away,
Just like that."
"Don't you remember
The warm evening sun
On your fair face?
It's still there,
Even if clouds hide it
From our yearning sight."
I think they absolutely hit the spot technically and emotionally and were very succinct and expressive. Fantastic work there. 8)
Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
Substance 3/3
StyIe 2.5/3
Helena
I think this suffered a little from the problems of Gabu's poems, but overall I do think it worked technically. Don't get me wrong, I'm not basing the scores on comparing the two or anything, though. :P Anyway I thought the best parts were when it rhymed, and that's actually quite an achievement! It's often quite hard to take a serious poem and infuse it with rhymes without adding an element of unwanted humour that doesn't work. You pulled it off nicely!
"Through them I did not
Just see you
I saw you
And you saw me"
This I think flowed absolutely perfectly thanks to its simplicity and repetition and expressed everything the poem was about. :)
"Every time we took a break
And realized that it was impossible
For us to live apart
Every single kiss
It was all worth it"
Bit of a half rhyme, but a brilliant one!
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2.5/3
StyIe 2/3
Reflections
One I really enjoyed! Sure it was a little cliché, but well, I've said it before. :P Flowed very well, used rhyme extremely well and had a nice etic sharpness to the language!
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe /3
Contrast
Very succinct and perhaps a little too abrupt, but it got its point across nicely, and had some solid line work! :P
Rhythm and flow 1.5/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe 2.5/3
The Road
The end I think was perhaps a little abrupt again, but otherwise I thought it was pulled off extremely well! All the symbols were all satisfyingly evocative so that they lived on not just as metaphors, so great work there.
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2.5/3
StyIe 2/3
In the Weather
Strong weather indeed! I thought the second stanza was especially good with some excellent use of language, and overall it was another solid piece!
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2.5/3
StyIe 2.5/3
Tell me
I thought this was extremely good actually! As passionate as the content dictated and it never really over stepped theboundary and became corny or overt the top. Excellent work!
Rhythm and flow 2.5/3
Substance 3/3
StyIe 2.5/3
One Man's Dance
A bit slow at the beginning, but once it got going I thought it was great! A strong rhythm to it, and decent rhyme to. Good stuff!
Rhythm and flow 2/3
Substance 2/3
StyIe 2/3
NO RATINGS: (we were going to post the raings before this went up, so I had not read them! Breezed through them, but didn't do any ratings due to the winner decision! Hope you two dont' mind)
Safety Protocls for Flying
Very, witty, funny what more could you want?
Cruelty
Man is capable of both great and evil! Luckily this is great. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Lerfish:
Time
A very nice epitah. Thoughtful, and just a pleasure to read in general!
Return of the Cyclops
I loved the Cyclops and this didn't disappoint! Excellent stop start flow, great word choice, and nice structure. Seemed a bit like a conclusion to the Cyclops saga, though.
Crout
I don't think you quite pulled off the rhyme scheme. Personally some of it seemed a tad forced, and didn't quite flow satisfyingly. But despite that it was still a very enjoyable read. Great language as always!
The Origin of the Box
Without the burden of a foreign structure I thought this was another good'un! Just had a satisfying circular sort of feel.
The Seeds
Thought this finished really strongly after a slightly slow start. Really picked up momentum as it went along! Good work.
Helios:
Epitah
Completely different use of the same structure than lerfish! And another great one too. Good word choice, and great flow!
Free-write
Some fantastic moments int his.
"Inundated, there are streams
Burning, molten and grey"
And
"Your hands have always given me
Whatever you said they never would
Because contrary to your belief
There's nothing in the world that you could do
To say what you were meant to say."
Really stood out for me. Fantastic stuff.
Sonnet
I think you pulled off the structure perfectly well, but overall it didn't quite seem entirely satisfying for me. Not sure why, though.
Free-write:
Another freewrite and another epic highlight:
"The hands and faces and
Multiple touches
Of those foreign and strange
I feel them beneath my fingers
Feel and understand it
Because fingers are my eyes
And words are my silence."
Grandiose!
Monologue
Maybe just felt a tad to long, but there were some fantastic rhymes in there and this was just epic:
Sticks in my mind as an empty face, a distant glance
Love of Rain
Wasn't liking it at first, but it grew on me. Especially the second stanza. Good stuff!
Didactic
Maybe not your best, but it was funny! C'mon!
Pocket, Palette, palace
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