Wednesday started out as any other day. I got up, took a shower, went to school, went to class, got told by Daniel that he liked me, went to the gym... wait a minute! Daniel told me that he liked me? Huumm...just wasn't expecting that.
Let me start from the beginning. Lately Daniel has been very touchy, touchy. Always hugging the girls in our group of friends, myself included, and I had started to realise that I was finally getting over him. So, Wednesday I went to school, just like any other day, and on the morning break Daniel said he wanted to talked to me. So we got away from the group and he admitted that he liked me. That he felt this way for a very long time, just didn't say anything because he doesn't want a serious relationship. He doesn't like to be "tied" down. Imagine my reaction when he told me this. I honestly didn't believe him. I told him that maybe he was confusing love with friendship. But he stood strong and told me that what he felt was real. I didn't take him seriously because Daniel has phases. One day he likes one girl, the next he likes another one, and the next he doesn't want anything to do with them. So, I decided to skip my next class so we could talk about what he supposedly "felt".
We went be hide the gym to talk because we wanted privacy. We talked about how we felt. I told him I was getting over him but I never stopped caring for him. While were talking he would sometimes hold my hand and pull me towards him and we would be face-to-face, but I would always pull back because I didn't want anything to happen until the air was clear. Meanwhile, we sat down, talked and he took me hand and well, we held hands. I'm not gonna say I didn't like it, of course I did, but it was a very strange sensation. I was holding hands with the guy that a couple of weeks ago said I was like a sister to him.
Then, I looked at him and he was like an inch from my face. I knew what he wanted, and to be honest I wanted so bad to kiss him too, but I couldn't stop imagining what it would be like after the kiss. Just imagining that that moment could 'ruin', so to speak, that so special relationship that we have... That thought didn't get out of my head. So, I didn't kiss him, and he asked me why I wouldn't look at him. I didn't know what to say so I said what came to mind: "I have a problem looking people in the eyes" Ok, it's stupid but sometimes it's actually true. So, until the bell rang, we sat there, holding hands, talking about what we felt, what we wanted, didn't want... It was very strange but ate the same time comforting.
In the afternoon I went with him to the gym and we were 'normal'. It was like nothing had happened. Honestly, I was Ok with that until he took me home and he said that maybe what happened in the morning was a mistake. That he doesn't know what he feels. I knew that was gonna happen. I knew he would make me feel like I was on top of the clouds and then just ripe my heart out. I just didn't expect it to be all in one day.
While he was taking me home he told me that for now he didn't want anything serious. He wants to (in his words) "make out with any girl" and enjoy life before 'tieing' himself down. I actually understand him but that didn't stop my 'pain'. He asked me if I was gonna be mad at him. Of course I was, but I wasn't gonna say it. He said we're more than brother-sister, more than boyfriend-girlfriend, we have this understanding, this language that no one else understands. I help him, he helps me. What we have, no one gets. So much confidence, so much complicity... We're just... more than that. I can't explain it.
And now, I wish what happened Wednesday, had never happened. I'm in pain, I'm hurting inside because of Daniel's inability to know what he feels and what he wants. Oh well... like everything, this too shall pass.
Thanks for the atention and your comments
Kisses for all my friends here :) *
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