I've always been a pretty big trash-talker when it comes to video games. This is mostly because growing up, I was typically better than everyone else at playing games and I liked to remind my friends of that fact. Yeah, that was kind of a jerk move. I'm also a really competitive person, so if there's anything I can do to get in someone's head, I'll do it. Then, one day, I had nobody left to talk trash to. Many of my friends had moved away, gotten married, or simply weren't interested in games anymore. I spent my time running up the score against the CPU in Madden, but no matter how creative my insults were, the game just didn't seem to care. I tried playing online, but I quickly grew tired of the cheesy tactics that everyone seemed to use and the fact that people didn't seem to know the difference between insults or flat-out hate speech and good, creative trash talk. But then came online leaderboards.
Online leaderboards are great for two reasons: They bring (back) meaning to high scores, since you can actually share your scores with people, and they're a great way of inspiring some good, old-fashioned smack talk. This is how I found myself in an epic battle for bragging rights with Carrie Gouskos, former GameSpotter and current content developer for Warhammer Online. I've met Carrie a few times and I always enjoyed reading her work, but she had already left GameSpot by the time I arrived, so I don't really know her very well. I knew that she liked playing games, though, especially on the Xbox 360, so I sent her a friend request and she added me shortly thereafter. Before she added me I had been playing a ton of Pac-Man Championship Edition, and I think it's pretty safe to say that I had a bad case of Pac-Man fever. I had the top score on my friends leaderboard, but other than Brendan and Jeff, nobody looked like they'd ever get close to my scores.
But then things changed. I logged on one day and saw that Carrie (and forum moderator Carolyn Michelle) had beaten most of my scores. I quickly got to work and after a few hours, reclaimed my rightful position atop the leaderboards. Being someone who loves to talk trash, I couldn't wait until I got on instant messenger the next morning. I complimented Carrie on her Pac-Man prowess and then informed her of my accomplishments. She, of course, assured me that this change in rankings was only temporary. A day or two later I logged on and was dismayed (actually, deep down I was happy because I enjoy the competition) to find that Carrie had beaten all of my scores, logging an impressive 466,000+ on one game mode. Once again, I buckled down and took back four of the six high scores. And once again, I reported to Carrie that I had taken the lead.
My mom had been in town for a visit, so I hadn't played Pac-Man in a week when I finally logged on last night. It seemed that Carolyn Michelle and Carrie had both been busy, as I was no longer the leader in any of the game modes. To make matters worse, Carrie was ranked #21 IN THE WORLD in one of the modes. (Pro tip: Before you talk smack to someone, make sure they're not one of the best people on the entire planet at whatever it is you're talking smack about.) I knew that crying wasn't going to improve my scores, so I hunkered down and did my best. It turns out that my best is pretty darn good. I broke 500,000 points in one mode, took the top spot, and snagged the top position in extra mode 3, and I'm proud to say that by the time I was done playing for the night, Carrie was #22 in the world--a few thousand points behind the #19 ranked player--a guy named Aaron Thomas.
Becoming one of the top Pac-Man Championship Edition players in
the world wasn't what I had in mind when I started this little feud.
Needless to say, the first thing I did when I got to work was hop on instant messenger and let Carrie know about this Aaron Thomas guy who had leapt ahead of her on the worldwide rankings. She took it surprisingly well, though I like to imagine her at her desk, bursting into tears with her coworkers wondering what horrible tragedy had just occurred. After I broke the news we discussed strategy a bit--after all, this is a friendly competition. Here it became obvious to me that I'm going to have to rethink my approach to championship mode, since I'm currently stuck at around 242,000, which is way behind both Carrie and Carolyn Michelle.
No matter the outcome, when the dust finally settles on our little competition, I will have enjoyed the chance to hone my skills at the game and do some friendly trash-talking while I'm at it. Of course, I can say this because I know I'm going to win. ;)
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