Well hello Gamespot!!

It's been for freaking ever. Here is the low down on what I"ve been doing for the past year: drum roll please : dun dun dun...... Getting my freaking life together. I have a great job, I'm MARRIED!! Yes. I am married. We haven't had or wedding yet, but it's under construction. ;) Who da thunk. Right? I have a house! Not own, renting, but still... Better than living in my brothers basement for dang sure. I got my GED, lived in a homeless shelter for like 5 months, to save monies and such. It's been rough but it has paid off. I haven't had much of any time for anything but work. We bought an xbox! I got the new Skylanders Spyro game: LOVE IT! Of course I've always loved Spyro. We alsobought Bioshock, Dark Alliance II, Infinite Undiscovery, Sonic's Ultimate Genesis collection, Eternal Sonata, Dragon Age Origins, Dante's Inferno, and Kingdom Under Fire Circle of Doom. I'm excited! We went out and got seasons one and two of The X Files, the whole two seasone of Stargate Universe, a few Stargate movies, and started our Stargate Atlantis, and SG-1 collections. Things have been rough but good. We have internet and I have my own computer now so I'll definately be back online, hopefully for good. :)

Is anybody still out there?????????

Well....... There is soooooooooooooo much that I need to update you guys on! I am engaged now! Who da' thunk I would ever meet any one let alone the possibility of getting married!?! My life has changed so much, and yet most everything is the same. I am completely happy and excited to see where things go. We are getting married in a year and there's so much we have to do. One thing I won't do is stress out!! I never thought marriage would be an option or a thing I ever ould even think about.... I have definately changed my mind =)

Anyways onto other things; What is up with the new SH movie? They are doing it in 3D?? That could either go really terrible or be really good. But I'm going to go with terrible because 3D is awful.. At least thats my personal opinion.. SO dont get your panties in a bunch if you loooove 3D movies. LOL. I guess we will see. Despite my hate for 3D movies, I love Silent Hill so that is one movie I will be seeing in theaters. I just hope I'm not disappointed.

I'm ready to get back into the games. My SH buddy and I were supposed to play 4 again but we both have busy schedules so it just hasnt worked out. Which is why I need a gaming system and games. I'd love to be able to play them allll again =) Still havent played the 1st SH but one day I hope to!!

I have been missing being able to play on the ps3 and xbox.... I have so much time on my hands it would be nice to have something to do that I enjoy. I want to get back into gaming but I don't see that anywhere in my near future... Maybe once I'm marreid I'll get a ps3 and I'll play games on that while he plays WOW.. yes. I said it. My fiance plays world of warcraft. I don't know how I feel about that. I have been anti~world of warcraft since birth..... hahaha Oh well I'm over it lol

I hope you gusys are all awesome!

Peace, Love, Berly

Ok. So still no car. Been having trouble getting around to find one, as well as saving money to get one. Its hard saving money when you have bills and rent to pay. Things could be better but they could be worse. My boyfriend has been so good to me.. I'm really falling for him. It's scary, especially since just a few months ago I was anti~love ish...lol sort of anyways... Things def. have changed and I am sooo happy!! I have been thinking about getting an apt. instead of a car. My living situation is about to change drastically and its not cool. I might woind up losing my job over it, which is why im contemplating getting an apt instead of a car. if i just find a place close enough i can keep walking to work. Havent been a member of the gaming world in some time now. Its hard to play games working all the time, as well as not having a system to play them on. My bf let me borrow his deathnote collection!! I mentioned to him that I wanted to read it again so he brought me his copies so I can re read them =) yay! Well, I hope everyone out there (even the ones who dont come on here anymore) are having awesome lives and living it up! I'm sure no one ever checks my blog anymore but eh. its whatever. No biggie. Til' next time!!!

Peace, LOVE, Berly

This past month has possibly been the best I've had in two years. I have a wonderful boyfriend now, he is so good to me. Things are really going well. =)

Pretty soon, as in within a month, I will have a car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohhh yea!! that is what I'm talking about!

Life is good. =D

ALOT! has happened in the past two months... As far as the "new friends" I talked about before, well that didn't quite work out. =)

Buuuttt, things are super awesome at the moment =D I'll tell you about that later, I just wanted to stop by and say that I havent left I'm just not online that often....Have an awesome week everyone!!

This week has been A. Slow B. Strange and C. very interesting...

I'm back into Little Big Planet :) Still love it.

I made a few new friends :) Go me!

I went out a few times, with my new friends. It was pretty cool...

I deleted most of my old friends from my facebook.

I realized that my life isn't going to live it self, so I need to start living.

I called the police.

Found out my daddy was in the hospital ( his heart is expanding) Doctors say it will go away, but that seems strange.

Spent my whole paycheck.

Have eaten a total of zero full meals.

Eaten breakfast most mornings and toast in the afternoons.

Besides that I've went to bed hungry.

Won't really eat much until payday next week. Unless I borrow a biscuit from work on Sunday :)

Have lost 3 pounds. On top of the five pounds I lost when I was sick last week.

So there. This is what my week has been like, but it is coming to a beautiful end. :) I get to go out tomorrow night, get to know my new friends more, and be rebellious.. :) As long as I don't pick up smoking or drinking I think this will be the beginning of a wonderful friendship. And if I do, well I'll never pick up smoking but the other,..... Well, nah that wont happen either :) So I guess I'm good.

Have an awesome weekend everyone I know I will at least have an awesome Saturday :) If it all goes as planned that is.

I am eating pizza right now. Hot, fresh, delicious pizza. Despite the fact that I have the stomach flu and will probably throwing it up later. TMI I know... I haven't eaten anything but a few slices of toast in what three days now? And I can't even keep water in my stomach so yeah. We allll know how this ends..dun dun dun.. I'll give you a hint (bathroom) My stomach has been turning, you know how back in the old days they churned butter? Well my stomach feels like someone is slowly churning it and it does not, I repeat DOES NOT feel very good.. I went to the hospital Sunday night, they gave me something for the pain, and the nausea. Only exception? I didn't get paid until today, besides what is the point taking medicine when everything you eat comes right back up?? Stupid doctors..They know nothing :)

I didn't even call in to work 8/ I was sent home the first day, Sunday. Worked Monday [ten long painful hours] and still walked home despite that I could barely stand. I'm a soldier yo..lol Not really... I just can't afford to miss work, and it's a good thing I did go to work because my check was pretty much fantastic.

I will be very happy when this sickness is over. Oh wait. Did I forget to mention that I don't just have the stomach flu? I also am dehydrated, go figure. And well, they don't really know what is causing my "other" symptoms.. They suggested I go see a stomach doctor.. Who can afford that? Not me.. That's for sure.. I will just have to suffer...

Onto other things, well... actually...There aren't any other things.. Work is it for me.. I guess I could tell you how my Halloween totally sucked..

Here goes:So my friend always has parties for halloween right. Well this year he said he couldnt afford it. So I called him and gave him all these ideas that wouldnt cost him barely anything. I even thought it'd be awesome to do a pumkin carving! Well, I spent that week getting stuff ready for the party, I bought everything; cupcakes, some food, and some other cool stuff that was kind of expensive. Well, I wasnt informed until that week what time the party was for. It started at 7. I couldnt stay the whole time because I had to work early(5am) the next morning. Well most of our "friends" didnt even show up until after 10, which I had to leave before ten or I didnt have a way home. We waited only two people showed up while I was there, and they happened to be two people I'm not even friends with anymore.. We just sat and waited. Do you know how boring that was? And it kind of hurt my feelings that I didnt even get any credit for anything, of course I took most the stuff I brought home with me. That was alot of money I put into that stuff... I wasnt about to leave it.. Selfish I know but I didnt even really get to enjoy the party. I feel like I wasted my whole day and week getting stuff ready to leave early.. I didnt even get to see my niece trick or treat :( I know this sounds selfish of me but seriously I put like 50$ into getting stuff for that party.... And I wasn't even a part of it. It really hurt my feelings that everyone couldn't be there on time.... Oh well.. It's done I'm over it. Just had to get that out there lol...

Another thing..

I'm really upset with some of my "friends" right now. I'm starting to rethink some of my supposed friendships. I know I don't have a car right now, but if you really wanted to spend time with me you would go a little bit out of your way to hang out. I shouldnt have to give you gas money every time I want to spend time with you. So I stopped thinking about it and decided that if they dont want to see me then I'm obviously not important to them. I don't need fake friends anyways. Would they even be there for me if I really needed it? Well I'm thinking about the past and have they been there for me? Not really there has always been some kind of excuse. There's only one person right now who actually would and they proved it this weekend. I know if I had called anyone else, they wouldnt have come..... Also, I dont think there is a point to me even having a cell phone. None of my 'friends' use it. Ever. I dont get calls, texts, or even a hey i miss you on facebook like I see on other peoples facebooks...So I'm over it. If you're going to be my friend then be my friend. If not , don't waste any more of my time or yours.

I'm sick of people. I'm sick of being the nice one, and always getting crapped on. If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all...

Sorry about all of that... I just havent had anyone to talk to recently... which I guess that means I'm pretty lame. Espescially if no one wants to spend time with me..... This sucks.

I wish I had someone that I could talk to, that will be there for me no matter what. Is that too much to ask for? Some one who wont ignore my calls. Or at least calls me back... blah blah blah blah blha.....

yaddee yaddee yadda... I could go on forever on this rant but I wont because its not worth it.. Life is good, but could be better.... Being sick isnt all that bad when you dont ever go out when your not sick...

How come it's always the guys you like, the ones you can never have, the ones that will never want you for more than a friend that tell you that any guy would be lucky to have you. Why do they always build up your confidence just to tear you back down, unintentionally that is of course. I just don't understand, if you tell me my heart is good, and there are so many great things about me why don't you see me the way you say guys should? It makes no sense. Don't tell me how great I am. Don't tell me that any one would be lucky to have me. Don't tell me that if any guy doesn't see those things then he is missing out. I can't be that awesome, I'm not that great. You see me but you don't really see me.You hear me, but are you really listening? I smile with my eyes, you're not perfect but to me you would be so worth it. Maybe I'm jealous of you, maybe that's why I like you. You're everything I've always wanted, and yet everything I'll never have. They lie to make you feel good. They lie to make you feel better. They lie.

Truth is, I give up as soon as I like a guy. It never works out, that's just my life. It's getting harder as I keep getting older. The more I try to not like a guy the harder I fall for him. I used to be good at this, hiding my feelings and forcing myself to stop liking someone. If only this were easy I could move on with my life. I guess I'm not the girlfriend type. I don't think I'd ever make a good wife. I'll always make a better friend, and that's it.

Suddenly, I'm ok with that. Friends are good, but I always say that. I want something more this time. I don't want to be the friend this time, I want to try. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I'd know I tried. But, that's a lie. Because I won't try, because I know that the feelings are not mutual. And because every time I do, I get hurt. I'm not going to live with a broken heart so I'm not going to let it be broken.

I'm sick of guys ALWAYS complaining about being in the darn friend zone. Hey guys, you're not the only ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're not the only ones.

My life has come to this= Work, sleep, sit at home watch tv.

I know that things will go back to normal once I get a car, but that won't happen for a long time. I'm sick of being in this house. No one asks me out, I don't meet people, my friends, well who knows where they are. I'm sick of the only faces I see being my stupid jerk of a brother and his wife. I'm sick of sitting around not doing anything......I can't stand it. I need to get out.

Please don't take this message the wrong way!! I am very happy right now, life is awesome, how can it not be with a love like the love God has shown me? I just need a change of scenery every once in awhile. And this is my only way of venting, and since I know no one will read this, and no one I know, then this is the best way. Ha, because if anyone I know reads this they will for sure take it the wrong way.

And, the whole first part, well that's been something that's been building up for awhile. There's this guy I like right now and I'm trying so hard to not like him. To forget about him, but every time I see him he makes me smile. I can't not smile when he is around. He is so nice, but I can't see him with some one like me.Not saying he is judgemental or anything but his family would never approve of me if he did like me. (which he doesn't). It sucks but I'll get over it, ialways do. I'm just not good enough, and that's the truth. And not in a way that I'm putting myself down, cause I'm not. That's just the way it is. Ok, i'm going to shut up now because I'm making it worse lol

Wow.. That was really close!!! I still have my job thank goodness!! I sold my car, it wasn't doing any one any good sitting in the yard. I'm paying rent again, and well nothing really exciting going on. I haven't been anywhere besides work in the past couple of weeks. Had my cell turned off, and no one has even tried to contact me. I feel special.. Anyways things are pretty good right now and that's about it...

So keep on thinking about me while your getting your game on!!!

Later guys..

Peace, Love, Berly

I think I just lost my job... You have GOT to be kidding me.