My recent blog entry has been removed by Gamespot for "sexually explicit content," and stripped of my moderator status. I am protesting its removal, though not the removal of my moderator status. For those of you that had the opportunity to read the entry, I was hoping to get your feedback about this decision. Was it inappropriate for the 13+ demographic of Gamespot?

Note also that comments associated with the entry appear to have been lost as a result of its removal, so if you had suggestions relevant to the entry, please send them to me via PM.

Thank you for reading,

Boz

Six Days in Fallujah is a video game under development by Atomic Games that was to be published by Konami, but recently withdrew under pressure from critics. It is a depiction of six of the most violent days of Operation Phantom Fury, a joint US-Iraqi offensive into the city of Fallujah, which was then under the control of Iraqi insurgents. The title was slated for release in 2010.

Six Days in Fallujah got plenty of (press coverage). Gold Star Families Speak Out, whose members are families of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, criticized the game immediately after blogs wrote about it. "The war is not a game and neither was the Battle of Fallujah," the group said in a statement. "For Konami and Atomic Games to minimize the reality of an ongoing war and at the same time profit off the deaths of people close to us by making it 'entertaining' is despicable." - Businessweek, April 28, 2009

I have not seen Six Days in Fallujah. According to reports, neither have Gold Star Families' members or the reporters that were allowed to view the Konami product lineup for the year. All commentary on Six Days in Fallujah outside of those working directly on developing the title is speculation based on third-hand information provided to the press by the firm and involved parties. Nobody has actually played the game itself, yet many pundits have already condemned Six Days in Fallujah. The reaction initially appears reminiscent of the public response to FOX News reporting on the sex scene in Mass Effect, which was barely a sex scene at all if one took a moment to review the material in context.

However, the argument against Six Days in Fallujah differs from the Mass Effect commentary in one important way: The criticism is against its concept rather than its content. Gold Star Families, for example, takes no issue with video games in general portraying historic battles or scenes of war, though its full statement does arguably allude to that opinion. Rather, the "trivializing" a current event so soon after it has transpired by making it into a game. The wounds to the affected families domestically are too fresh to absorb a re-creation of those events in a medium that appears to some to make light of warfare.

Three film documentaries covering Fallujah conflicts received little fanfare. Of course, movies and television are a mature medium and passive, rather than interactive, forms of entertainment. Historical fiction film Schindler's List, for example, was entertaining and profitable, as well as disturbing, engaging, and informative. Video games are still very much considered games by the masses, rather than education tools, art, or a viable method for retelling historic events. Indeed, this interpretation of the public's general view of video games is echoed in the following quote from the Gold Star Families Press Release:

GSFSO member Joanna Polisena, sister of Army Staff Sergeant Edward Carman, Killed in Action in Iraq on April 17, 2004 added "When our loved one's 'health meter' dropped to '0', they didn't get to 'retry' the mission. When they took a bullet, they didn't just get to pick up a health pack and keep 'playing'...they suffered, they cried, they died. We - their parents, siblings, spouses, children and friends - absolutely find it disgusting and repulsive that those so far detached (and clinging to denial of reality) find it so easy to poke fun at such a thing."

The majority of Americans will never take part in War due to the volunteer structure of the US military. Six Days in Fallujah, according to detailed interviews with the developers, seeks to reproduce the conflict in extreme detail and accuracy, and in no manner appears to, "poke fun." Indeed, the developers use the term, "game-amentary" in their discussions with the Wall Street Journal. According to interviews, the developers were seeking to reproduce the incursion in every detail in as unbiased a fashion as possible, interviewing veterans involved, acquiring cIassified photos and images from the events and region, and even speaking with actual insurgents for the sake of having the most comprehensive picture of everything that transpired from every possible viewpoint.

There is no evidence in the descriptions given by Atomic Games that the events regarding the Fallujah conflict would be trivialized in any way. It is widely believed that US Citizens - and particularly youth - are desensitized to tragic events, war, disasters, homicide, and other news covered in the media. If Atomic Games is recreating real events in a medium that educates and engages the populace in real-world events, it should be a positive. Given available information it is somewhat surprising that with input of veterans in the development of the title, direction that Atomic has indicated it has gone, and attention to detail exhibited, that families affected by the Fallujah conflict are not encouraging the developer to complete and publish what should effectively become a documentary of events in an interactive format. In addition, the fact that it might be published so close to the actual events makes its content more relevant to the audience, and therefore may be of more benefit if released sooner rather than later.

If a video game helps people understand what happened and remembers those that fought for their countries in an effective and respectful format, Atomic Games should be given the benefit of the doubt until evidence is presented to indicate otherwise.

Resources

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Gold Star Families Press Release
C|Net, Is it too soon for a realistic Iraq War game?
Businessweek, Konami Pulls Out of Fallujah Video Game
Wall Street Journal, Iraq, the Videogame
Wikipedia citations or links are given for context and concept and should not be referenced as facts.

I have been invited - for a trial period - into the ranks of Gamespot's volunteer moderator staff. I'd say more, but I'm not quite sure what it means, either!

"Well, what possible harm could one insane, mutant tentacle do?"

Today is the one-year anniversary of the birth of my three children. In celebration, three videos of my babies being babies follow, including some of the first steps of my eldest and the boys playing together.

[video=d3VilWOt5bIPvTDe] [video=cnI1wTqo5bIPvTDf] [video=KnZgkTD75bIPvTDc]

The Dow hit a new six-year low when the markets closed yesterday, but have no fear, because the recovery begins today! Well, this year. Er, soon. In ten years (or so).

The truth is nobody - nobody - knows for certain, and you should be wary of anyone making predictions. Why tease you, then, about a date when the economy might either recover or begin to recover? To remind you, reader, to be wary of the claims of those that do make predictions.

What is important is not to panic and not to be afraid. This should not be any more frightening that taking a drive in your car. Your odds of dying in a car accident at some point in your lifetime are 1 in 84, but I would bet you're not going to stop getting in and out of your car. You have no idea what tomorrow may bring; there is no reason to be any more scared by the market than stepping out your front door every day. Part of life is learning to live with the unknown.

The best and only real advice that I can give is this: Take what you know about the world and make sound, logical financial decisions that you can live with in a worst-case scenario, and hope for the best. Visit this index of financial tips entry for additional general financial advice.

Or you could listen to the prescient words of the corporate liberator, Gordon Gekko, who's first-half of the infamous "Greed Is Good" speech seems to apply as much today as it did over twenty years ago.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're not here to indulge in fantasy, but in political and economic reality. America, America has become a second-rate power. Its trade deficit and its fiscal deficit are at nightmare proportions. Now, in the days of the free market, when our country was a top industrial power, there was accountability to the stockholder. The Carnegies, the Mellons, the men that built this great industrial empire, made sure of it because it was their money at stake. Today, management has no stake in the company!

All together, these men sitting up here (management) own less than three percent of the company. And where does Mr. Cromwell put his million-dollar salary? Not in (company) stock; he owns less than one percent.

You own the company. That's right, you, the stockholder. And you are all being royally screwed over by these, these bureaucrats, with their steak lunches, their hunting and fishing trips, their corporate jets and golden parachutes.

Pick up an outlet timer for your living space. A simple timer is one of the cheapest, most effective ways to reduce the likelihood of burglary when you are away. Plug in the timer and set the light(s) or television to come on at dusk and go off at a reasonable time at night. A light on in the house is an effective deterrent to would-be thieves.

In general, you cannot stop a determined thief or vandal. Locks and alarms do not stop someone from smashing a window and entering your home. However, thieves almost always take the path of least resistance. Car thieves, for example, will walk through a parking lot at a mall just trying door handles until they arrive at one that is unlocked, then open it, take any valuables, and move on to the next car.

The same holds true for homes. Contrary to popular belief, most burglars do not case a street and look for the most luxuriant homes. Most are unplanned and spur-of-the-moment people, desperate, poor, or drug addicts. Anyone out to commit a theft will walk through a neighborhood and look for the house with no lights on and no car in the garage: the path of least resistance. Most police recommend a dog, another one of the most effective deterrants, but they are certainly not as cheap as an outlet timer and - if you're like me - can cause allergy problems.

If you have some motivation, installing motion-sensitive floodlights on the outside of your home can also deter thieves that have the temerity to step onto your property. You should not worry about professional thieves because they are extremely rare and, when they do decide to break into your home, there is nothing you can do about it. That is why we have insurance.

So stop worrying and take cheap, simple steps to deter the majority of crimes: put a light on a timer, lock your doors, and change your passwords once a month.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Short, short version: Cut your spending, postpone purchases, save more money, open a brokerage account, determine an appropriate asset allocation for yourself, maximize your Roth IRA contribution, maximize your employer 401(k) match if available, and stay employed at all costs.

Diversify - If you own one stock and it bombs, you've lost 100%. If you have twenty stocks of equal value and one bombs, you've only lost 5%. The same holds true with bonds, mutual funds, real estate, and other investment vehicles, so spread your wealth whenever possible.

Open a brokerage account - If you have not done so already, open a Roth IRA account with a broker/dealer firm like Fidelity, TD Ameritrade, E*Trade, or similar firm, and make the maximum contribution possible given your income. The money grows tax-free until you reach retirement, and you can access those assets tax-free for certain expenses like college and disasters. There is no better investment vehicle in existence in the United States, today, even if you put the money in and let it sit in a money market it will make more than it will in your checking account.

First Step 1 - Pay down debt, if any In 95% of situations you should pay off your debt before you invest. Credit card bills, car payments, personal loans, student loans, and similar debt are in this category. The exception is typically a mortgage because it offers tax benefits and a low interest rate. However, given the uncertainty in the marketplace, it may not be a bad time to consider either refinancing to a lower rate if you still have a long mortgage period or paying off some of your loan principal. If you have no debt, increase your savings rate by cutting expenses. This is "taking your lunch instead of buying it" type stuff.

Step 2 - Reassess how much cash you need Everyone caught like a deer in the headlights for the past year has been rewarded handsomely by Not Losing. Unfortunately, Not Losing is not the same as Winning. Cash has been attractive, but those investors will inevitably get caught with their pants down as inflation - the slow rise in prices - eats into the value of their savings. T-Bills and Savings Bonds are cash-alternatives due to their low interest rates, but are often below the rate of inflation. Keep only what you need for the next two to three months in cash to meet expenses should it be necessary, but put the remaining assets to work in appropriate investments.

Step 3 - Asset allocation Once you have determined your cash needs, you need to figure out where to invest, and how much of your money to put into each type of investment. The longer your time horizon, the more risk you can take. Even in a tough economy, for young people it will look something like 10% cash, 20% fixed income (bonds), and 70% stocks. Retiring folks are more conservative, with 20% cash, 70% fixed income, and 10% in stocks. A very basic asset allocation model can be found here, or you can perform a basic Google search to find more information.

Step 4 - Start Investing Whatever your preference - bonds, equities, commodities, etc. - there is generally a mutual fund (or ETF) that invests in those securities in a diversified portfolio at a low cost (see this entry for more about mutual funds). Typically you are going to find your lowest cost options in indexed funds. For example, if your asset allocation model calls for 70% stocks and 30% bonds, you might consider 70% iShares Russell 3000 Index Fund (NYSE: IWV) and 30% Fidelity U.S. Bond Index Fund (FBIDX). Follow your asset allocation model, reassess that model annually, and make adjustments as necessary.

• Maximize your 401(k) match if available - It's free money you are forfeiting, otherwise
• Maximize your Roth IRA contribution if you are a qualified U.S. investor - It is the best tax-free investment vehicle available
• Open a brokerage account, and start investing - Consider tax-sensitive investment vehicles like municipal bond funds rather than corporate bond funds if you are in a higher tax bracket

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"HELP! I have no money to buy expensive investments!" Refer to Step 1 and this blog entry.

Disclosure: I am just one man; I have taken in a limited amount of information - like anyone - and have drawn my own conclusions. It is up to you, the reader, to make your own decisions. I am not a financial adviser, and my opinions are my own. Nobody, nobody, nobody knows what anyone should do. There are many people who will guess what might be the best course of action based on historical information - and every model and bit of advice is based on historical information - but you cannot guarantee that the past will reflect the future, despite what historians may have you believe.

Index of Personal Finance Entries
Part 1 of this series located here.

"Stupid gray hair!" I shouted on Sunday, a little louder than intended.

As I reached up to yank the sucker, though, my wife burst into the bathroom, "Don't pluck it!" she shouted. She proceeded to comb her fingers through my hair and examine me in minute detail. "Honey, you're head is flecked with gray!" she said, appearing genuinely surprised, "I love it, it's so sexy!" She then proceeded to kiss me - a long, deep kiss - remarking about the male celebrities with gray hair she finds attractive.

Today I hit 30 years old; or 3 decades, or 7,680 days, or 184,320 hours, or 11,059,200 seconds. I'm not sure why, but 11,059,200 seconds does not seem like such a long time. Most people would tell me I'm young, and to be sure, I feel young. Still, thirty years is a long time. An antique car, for example, is defined as any vehicle over 25 years old. That would be 1984, the height of the Trans Am, and I am older than a 1984 Trans Am. I am more like a 1979 AMC Pacer.

This week I did what anyone of my generation would do when faced with a birthday milestone, I Googled the year I was born. It turns out that I was not the only miracle in 1979 (I know, shocking). That year:

• It snowed in the Sahara desert for 30 minutes
• Mr. Ed died
• People still cared about outer space
• President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a swamp rabbit
• The first British nudist beach was established in Brighton
• The Chrysler Corporation asked the United States government for $1 billion to avoid bankruptcy (some things never change)
• The eradication of the smallpox virus was certified, making smallpox the first and (to date) only human disease driven to extinction
• The iPod was invented by a Briton

In thirty years I have gained the humility to admit that next to a 60- or 80-year old person, I know very little, but I have learned a lot. I began this web log as a way to pass on useful knowledge to others, chronicle that knowledge, and to entertain. However, this web log rarely features my own feelings or opinions, except maybe in the comments. To borrow a page from Esquire...

What I've Learned...

• "When I was little it always made me sad that my father disliked comedies, because I loved to laugh. It wasn't until much later I realized that it was not laughter itself he didn't like, it was that most comedies did not make him laugh. I respect that more as I get older."
• "In general, most people are good. The products of that quality are everywhere if you take the time to look, or we wouldn't have skyscrapers, national parks, cars, a legal system, the international space station, or fire departments. All this requires a large number of people working together towards a common goal, and they would not succeed if most people were evil."
• "The fight for equality for lesbian, gay bisexual, and transgender persons in the United States is this generation's abolishment of slavery, segregation, and the discrimination of women. In one hundred years our children's children will read about our bigotry in their history books and wonder why our prejudice continued for so long when we had so recently abolished racial and sexist discrimination."
• "Formal attire is a sign of respect to others; be they someone that is getting married, recently deceased, or office party. People that refuse to dress formally, to wear a suit or a dress, are being selfish. Even Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, the champions of casual attire, will put on a suit when they need to."
• "Every successful person you might meet, be they CEO of a multinational corporation or Olympic athlete, has one thing in common: that they have nothing in common. Read the bio of ten different Presidents, and you'll find ten different paths to their role. Some are kind, some are jerks, some are bright, and some are a bit dim. Everyone has to find their own success."
• "Nobody is harder on someone than themselves."
• "Actually, you usually can judge a book by its cover. The key word is usually."
• "Parents are constantly inventing ways to reward their children regardless of their actual achievements, if any. What we have is a generation of people accustomed to hearing, "Good job!" all the time. Nobody can handle criticism anymore; certainly not me."
• "You can - but should not - blame your government, lawyers, or corporations for the problems of the world because, when you get down to it, those entities are all comprised of people; neighbors, friends, and relatives. They're all trying to get by and do what's best for themselves and their families, just like you and I."
• "In general, people are too quick to blame. Nobody wants to accept responsibility even when they are clearly at fault, including me."
• "I wonder, probably more frequently than is healthy, what my survivability would be in a post-apocalyptic world. Does the planet need a finance professional when it's overrun with bandits and short on water and food? Maybe it's silly, but it makes me wonder at my value in this world now."
• "Life is so good in some places today that people lose their perspective. Road rage, for one example, is a product of that lack of perspective. When one person feels so angry about the way another person drives that they intentionally smash into another car, they have lost all perspective on what is important in life."
• "It is not nature or nurture, it is both. I have very little in common with my siblings. Similarly, I have fraternal triplets, and each is completely different, though my wife and I are raising them the same. You simply cannot control certain things, only push them in the right direction and hope they walk where you want them to go."
• "It is surprising to me that anyone still questions what the meaning of life is; one look at my kids and I knew the answer."
• "My parents still don't understand why I love video games, which is a shame. I can go online and play a game with a monk in Tibet, a Muslim woman in Pakistan, or a child in Australia. Video games are the great equalizer, because it strips the player of all preconceptions about their partners and opponents. Even ten years ago this was unlikely at best. Despite the money they make, video games are an overlooked and underappreciated medium."
• "In a successful marriage you talk about everything together, and sometimes you fight; it's not natural otherwise. Fighting - among other things - keeps you interested. But there is a line for everyone, and when you cross that line, even once, you're done."
• "You don't have to love someone's faults to be married, but you do have to accept that those faults may never change, and possibly even indulge them. When one partner tries to change another, you're going to have major problems."
• "Always start first with questioning and trying to change yourself when faced with a problem, be it academic, social, or otherwise. It is easier to change yourself than established systems or other people."
• "Sure, I wish I could marry another woman, but I would want that second woman to be my wife. When you really love someone, you just can't get enough of them."
• "When a person is left alone and they believe that they are alone, unwatched, they will do things that would not be considered normal otherwise."
• "There seems to be a consensus that people are getting divorced too easily today, but are they? How many lives would have been better if women in the past held the power and had access to the resources they do today? I've known too many good women that were abused at some point in their life, but they were all able to get out of those situations without being ostracized or judged by their community, as might have happened centuries or even decades ago. Certainly there are plenty of couples getting divorced for frivolous reasons, unable to work out minor issues about cleaning up after themselves or issues with their in-laws, but how many are better for it?"
• "It's important to question our premises. Why does, 'Grow up, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids,' seem to be the ultimate goal in life? Many people might be happier alone, or dating people throughout their life, or living with multiple partners, or some other alternative lifestyIe. Who am I to judge if it has no impact on my own life, and it makes them happy?"
• "What is and what is not normal changes every few years. Fifteen years ago I might have said in public that something was Gay or 'Retarded,' and meant no offense to anyone; not anymore."
• "If you work hard, you should be compensated appropriately. If you do not work, you deserve nothing."
• "Sex sells, it always has, and it always will. Look at the viewership for Olympic Women's Beach Volleyball at the Olympics versus Men's; the women win every time."
• "People seem to think everything can be addictive; video games are addictive, they're addicted to shopping, they're addicted to sex, they're addicted to television. Those people are obsessed, not addicted. It's insulting to a former drug addict to compare what they went through with someone who's supposedly addicted to World of Warcraft."
• "As much criticism as there is in the world, we blow a lot of sunshine up the skirts of our kids. Watch any American Idol audition and you will quickly find that some contestants will never, ever become American Idol, but think they're God's gift to mankind. This does not mean they cannot be successful on their own path and that they cannot nurture other dreams and talents, but focus on something that is at least attainable."
• "It's not work that kills a man, it's not working. Losing a job is one of the hardest, most traumatic things that can happen to anyone."
• "The Golden Rule is not a good rule. Be kind to others regardless of how they treat you, and you will be better for it."
• "Gamespot does not seem to like bulleted lists."

There are two big questions: How did this financial crisis happen and what should I do?

IS IT REALLY A CRISIS?

Make no mistake: We are staring into an economic black hole unlike any in nearly a century. Most people will wake up, make their sandwich, and go into work or school to come home at the end of the day as usual. However, many thousands of people have already lost their jobs. The United States unemployment rate climbed to 7.2% in December, the highest level in 16 years. People have lost their homes, cars, cell phones, and other assets on which they had been making payments. The question is not whether the abyss is there, but how deep and how wide that chasm extends.

HOW WE GOT (DOWN) HERE

The short short version: Borrowers were unable to pay their debts, and their defaults set off a chain reaction that has crushed financial markets worldwide.

The short version: The Clinton and Bush Jr. administrations set a stage for inappropriate lending to sub-prime borrowers with aggressive policies to increase home ownership in the United State. This was not a Democratic or Republican initiative, and no one party is to blame; but over time it did create an atmosphere that encouraged lenders to seek out every level of borrower.

Shortly after 9/11 the Federal Reserve reduced the overnight lending rate to 1.0%, offering easy money to almost anyone that wanted funding. The amount of borrowed money increased dramatically, and firms began leveraging - or using a larger percentage of debt to fund continuing operations and new projects - than ever.

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two largest mortgage lenders in the country, were/are perceived to have government backing, and were able to make loans at rates below that of the open market. This forced private and public firms without the perceived government backing to lend more aggressively, charge higher rates, and target high-risk borrowers. Lenders introduced more creative mortgage products such as ARMs, which offer a low rate initially before ballooning to a market rate after five- to seven-years.

In order to lend to low-income and high-risk borrowers banks packaged debt into securities, including mortgages. A bank could take a hundred high-risk mortgages and sell a security tied to those mortgages under the premise that, even if a percentage defaulted, the remainder would make up the difference due to their higher interest rates. At the same time other unique securities were being invented, such as credit default swaps. These allowed a firm to buy insurance against the failure of a third-party. In this instance you might buy insurance against the failure of certain debt obligations. If those obligations failed, you received the insurance payment. In essence it is a reverse incentive akin to burning your home to collect the insurance payment, but more complex (and therefore somehow more legal).

Securities regulators failed to regulate these markets because their fundamental assumptions about what was and was not a sound security were faulty. Mortgage-backed debt obligations tied to questionable debt became a huge underpinning of the investment strategies of financial firms, investments such as hedge and mutual funds, employers, and educational institutions.

In 2006 consumers - who had been leveraging themselves to the hilt with cell phone plan contracts, car loans, flat-screen television payment plans, vacation homes, and other extravagances - began to default on their payments. As the default rate crept upwards, firms with assets connected to mortgage debt, largely through derivative securities such as futures and other options contracts, began to encounter financial stress. In early 2007 Bear Stearns collapsed, and like dominoes other financial firms began to either fail, as was the case with Lehman Brothers, or pursue bailout from the government, as happened with Bear Stearns.

The issue was not exclusive to the mortgage crisis, as aggressive lending was extended to firms, small business, large business, and nearly anyone that needed capital, almost regardless of their plan to pay back those assets. Large firms dependent on revolving credit lines, not only Morgan Stanley but manufacturers such as Ford, found themselves recently unable to borrow cash for short-term obligations as banks and other lenders tightened credit lines. When banks stop lending, the economy grinds to a halt, and the Government has to decide whether it is in the best interest of the company to come to the rescue.

Today the marketplace is dealing as best it can with the fallout of years of inappropriate lending and investing in credit-based derivatives. This has meant cost cutting, liquidations, buyouts, mergers, and bailouts. Firms will cut spending, which in turn will slow the economy further, and reduce the number of available jobs as firms call in, "the Bobs" to eliminate non-critical employees. The downward spiral will eventually end as the unemployed find new jobs or start businesses of their own due to reduced interest rates and the ability to (somewhat ironically) borrow at a lower rate, but there is no indication as to how long this period of cost-cutting will last, or if it may be over already.

Simulcast on GiantBomb.com.

If prostitution were legalized it would save more marriages than it would ruin. Visiting a prostitute is not the same as cheating in a relationship. Just give me the benefit of the doubt, for the moment. A prostitute is performing a service to satisfy a need, like going to the barber or having a pedicure. The problem is not prostitution, it's that people have difficulty dissociating sex from a relationship, religion, and reproduction.

Sex, you may be surprised to find, is not the same for a man as a woman. And not just physically, every wife discovers, at some point, that their husband masterbates (shock!). Every man masterbates and anyone that denies that they do is a liar. And yet, for some reason when a wife first discovers this fact, whether by discovering bestiality pictures in the temp directory of their web browser or a slave tucked in the back of a closet, they're always surprised. And offended. It's always the same thing:

"What, I'm not good enough?"

No, you're not. Of course you're not: You are nowhere near enough! It is simply not possible for any one woman to satisfy completely and indefinitely any man. As my father once said, "Bees move from flower to flower, not the other way around." Admittedly, he is old-school, but there is some wisdom to those words (and lechery). Look, men need visual stimulation, we need variety, and we need frequency. So unless you are able to provide us with a steady rotation of blonde, brunette, and redhead wigs, a cup size that grows and shrinks between double-A and triple-D, the ability to change ethnicity on a regular basis, and happen to know a lot of hot friends that want to make out with you, you are simply not enough.

This brings us back to the issue of prostitution. To preface, the most common wedge in a relationship is - statistically - either money or sex. Now, in a magical world where prostitution were legal and accepted, all sex arguments would cease. Think about it: You get up every morning, shave, shower, poop, and get dressed; head off to work. Then after a long day swing by the local sex worker for a quickie before returning home. Kiss the wife, have dinner, and enjoy a good book or round of cards before hitting the hay. You might even be motivated enough to mend that broken fence or change the oil on the wife's car. No pressure on either party to perform, no arguments about how one person is or is not in the mood, and no mess.

In fact, prostitution shouldn't just be accepted, it should be expected. If a crabby husband comes home from work, the response would be, "What's wrong with you, you forget to make a pit stop on the way home? I told you not to come home without stopping by The District first, you're always such an jerk when you skip your session! Oh no, don't you look at me that way, my booty stays in its pants tonight: I'm watching CSI."

Let me tell you something, I'd be a hell of a lot more productive if I visited a prostitute on a regular basis. I'd wake up every day and make breakfast. In the evenings, I would balance the washing machine and mow the lawn. I wouldn't have to expend all my energy thinking about how I'm going to cajole my wife into sex, as I do today. No worries about her being too tired or what positions she is or isn't comfortable with. If I want to do something in particular, it costs a few extra bucks on the menu instead of weeks of whining and several hundred dollars on massages and flowers afterward. I can't afford to buy any more jewelry. With legalized prostitution, I could focus on that second language I've always wanted to learn, or maybe pick up the guitar (a real one this time). Maybe I'd even spend some time with the kids and enjoy myself for a change!

Seriously, if prostitution was a regulated industry that provided a safe, secure environment for its employees, what would be the problem? Too many happy people? Too many husbands that are content to stay with their wives? Divorce lawyers out of work? Cops with fewer job perks? We'd certainly get a few people back into the confession booths. Tax the hell out of it like we do booze and cigarettes, and maybe we'd even balance a budget. I, for one, wouldn't mind paying that tax.

Every day.

Sometimes twice.

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Disclosure: The above is satire. I've searched high and low in the site Terms of Use, but cannot find where any of the above content violates those terms. However, if anyone feels offended in any way, please let me know either in the comments or via private message.