I'm sorry, but these things are just too funny to go ignored.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Situation: Mum has just come back from parent's evening at school, stating my teachers were complaining that I talk too much about games in class. My parents already hate my PlayStation 3 and have some sort of theory that it is the root of all evil. They haven't said anything at the moment, but I am in risk of them confiscating the bloody thing- EVIL! My grades at the moment are a bit "off"... but I don't think that confiscation of the only sane thing in the house is the way to get my grades up.

I NEED YOU... to help me devise a plan, so genius that my parents will not take the PlayStation. It's gonna be hard, but I may be able to do it.

NOTE: Actually trying harder in school is not an option!

Ok, I know it's the end of January, but still, the only good game that has come out this year is Burnout: Paradise. These are the games I want this year:

Metal Gear Solid 4- It's a PlayStation 3 exclusive. Exclusive means it is NOT going to be out on the Xbox 360. Yet, people still decide to blog that it is. FORGET IT. WE ALL KNOW YOU WERE SAD THAT HALO WASN'T THAT GOOD, BUT DON'T PESTER US BECAUSE WE GOT THE CONSOLE WITH ALL THE GOOD GAMES. YOU CHOSE TO GO FOR THE UNFINISHED AND GLITCHY CONSOLE THAT CHOSE THE "ADVANTAGE" OF COMING OUT TWO YEARS BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE.

Haze- Another EXCLUSIVE. Need I say more?

Project Origin- Looks pretty good. Apparantly F.E.A.R. isn't that good on the PlayStation 3 but hopefully its successor won't have the same problem.

Little Big Planet- AWESOME! A PlayStation 3 EXCLUSIVE. This PlayStation Network, co-operative game looks amazing. Who could say no to funny little sack things that can make enormous buildings at the tap of a button?

Home- This isn't really a game, it's more of an activity. Home is pretty much the Sims, or Second Life. Just without your homicidal need to kill them every so often.

Hey, does anyone know what the cheat "LEIPZIG" does? I know Leipzig is some sort of German Games Convention, but it doesn't seem to do anything noticeable in the game when you enter it into the Cheats menu.

GLaDOS

From the trailer

• "At the Enrichment Center, we believe that a highly motivated test subject can carry out rather complex tasks, while enduring the most intense pain, so in case you don't make it through the testing, goodbye."
• "Certain objects may be vital to your success. If at first you don't succeed, you fail. And the test will be terminated.'"
• "Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Let's look at some of the challenges you will face as a test participant. You may be required to perform simple tasks such as locating an exit. These simple tasks may be accommodated by insurmountable obstacles. Thanks to the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, the impossible, is easy."

Throughout the game

• "Aperture Science: We do what we must, because we can."
• "We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one."
• "You are now in possession of the Aperture Science handheld portal device. With it, you can create your own portal. These inter-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. The device, however, has not. Do not touch the operational end of the device. Do not look directly at the operational end of the device. Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you *static*"
• "Please place the weighted storage cube on the 1500 megawatt Aperture Science heavy-duty super-colliding super button."
• "Please move quickly to the chamberlock as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test."
• "Mind the gap."
• "This next test is impossible. Make no attempt to solve it."
• "Quit now and - CAKE - will be served immediately."
• "Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism."
• "Remember, the Aperture Science 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' is the perfect time to have her tested."
• "Please note, we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck."
• "As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own. Good luck!"
• "As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor the test chamber was an outright fabrication. As part of another required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in 3... 2... *static*"
• "As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. When the testing is over, you will be... missed!"
• "Cake, and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."
• "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"
• "Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."
• "Spectacular, you appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not."
• "Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, 'Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out'.
• "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."
• "Wheeeeeeeee."
• "The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake." (subtitles say: "The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked [garbled] cake.")
• "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."
• "Unbelievable. You, _subject name here_ must be the pride of _subject hometown here_."
• The device has been modified so that it can manufacture two linked portals at once. As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined income of everyone in _subject hometown here_.
• "A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber."
• "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide safe testing environments. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

After Chell escapes

• "What are you doing? Stop it! I-i-i-i-i-... Weeee are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the 'Party Escort Submission Position' or you will miss the party."
• "Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position, or you will miss the party."
• "You should have turned left before. It's funny, actually, when you think about it. Some day we'll remember this and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back."
• "Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like (deep male voice) 'NO WAY!' (normal voice) and then I was all 'We pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!"
• "It was a fun test, and we're all impressed at how much you won! The test is over, come back!"
• "OK, the test is over now. You win! Go back to the recovery annex for your cake!"
• "Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back."
• "You're not even going the right way. Where do you think you're going? Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going."
• "You're not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't end up here."
• "This is your fault, it didn't have to be like this, you know."
• "I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I WILL kill you... I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone, you don't even care, do you?"

In GLaDOS's room

• "Well you found me, congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. You chose this path, now I have a surprise for you."
• "Deploying surprise in 5, 4,... (first core falls) Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise. I've never seen it before! Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later...by myself... Because you'll be dead."
• (After picking the first core and taking it with you) "Where are you taking that thing?"
• "I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it would make your life even worse... somehow."
• "Look - we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it."
• "Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now... OK fine. DO touch it. Pick it up and just stuff it back into me!"
• "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."
• "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"
• "Think about it. If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?"
• "I'll tell you what that thing *isn't* - it isn't yours! So leave it alone!"
• "Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room? Trust me, leave that thing alone."
• "That is probably some sort of raw sewage container. So why don't you go ahead and rub your face all in it?"
• "You are kidding me. Did you just stick that Aperture-Science-Thing-We-Don't-Know-What-It-Does into the Aperture-Science-Emergency-Intelligence-Incinerator!? That has got to be the dumbest thing I ever- whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoooooooooa..."
• "Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable, while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."
• "Ah - there isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you, so I guess you win. Ha - I'm making more! That's going to take a few minutes though. Meanwhile - oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret."
• "Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin. (...) Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."
• "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."
• "Oh, you think you're doing some damage?! 2+2 is f... f... f... f... f... 10... in base four, I'm fine!"
• "That thing you burnt up isn't important to me. Not any more. It's the Fluid Catalytic Cracking Unit; it makes shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
• "Who's going to make the cake when I'm gone? You?
• "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: (presumably a playback of Chell's voice) 'Hellooo!' (GLaDOS) THAT'S YOU! THAT'S HOW DUMB YOU SOUND!"
• "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. SHALL. NOT. BE. MOURNED. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you're adopted, so that's funny too."
• "When I said 'deadly neurotoxin,' the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes."
• "I could take a bath in this stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly it's not deadly at all, TO ME... You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny."
• "You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
• "Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot... more... killing. What was that? Did you say something? I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you."
• "Are you trying to escape? *warped laughter* Things have changed since you last left the building. What's going on out there is going to make you wish you were back in here. I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside."
• "All I know is that I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was. Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer part in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer. Good job on that, by the way."
• "Speaking in curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I KNOW! You're going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though. I'll give you a hint: you're going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next few minutes."

Regarding the weighted companion cube

• "This weighted companion cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it."
• "The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
• "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube cannot speak. In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."
• "You did it! The weighted companion cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized."
• "Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects for all moral responsibility for the companion cube euthanizing process."
• "While it has been a faithful companion, your companion cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
• "Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the companion cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."
• "The companion cube cannot remain through the testing. State and local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it."
• "You euthanised your faithful companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations."

GLaDOS Spheres

• Curiosity Sphere: "Who are you?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "What is that?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Oh, what's that?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "What's THAT?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Hey look at that thing. Noo, that other thing."
• Curiosity Sphere: "Hey! You're the lady from the test! HI!"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Ooooh that thing has numbers on it!"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Ooohhh, what's in heeere?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "What's that noise?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Is that a gun?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Eeeeew, what's wrong with your legs?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Where are you going?"
• Curiosity Sphere: "Are you coming back?"
• Curiosity Sphere: (As Chell prepares to throw it into an incinerator) "Do you smell something burning?"
• Cake Sphere: "One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three slash four cup vegetable oil. Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Three slash four cups butter or margarine. One and two third cups granulated sugar. Two cups all purpose flour. Don't forget garnishes such as: Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. Fish shaped solid waste. Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice. Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resins. Fiberglass surface resins. And volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands.' Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."

Turrets

Upon seeing player:

• "Hello!"
• "Deploying."
• "Preparing to dispense product!"
• "Activated!"
• "There you are!"
• "Who's there?"

Upon beginning to fire:

• "Hi?"
• "Target acquired!"
• "Dispensing product."
• "Firing."
• "Hello? Friend."
• "Gotcha!"
• "There you are!"
• "I see you!"

Saw and then lost sight of player:

• "Hello?"
• "Searching."
• "Canvassing."
• "Sentry mode activated."
• "Is anyone there?"
• "Could you come over here?"

Colliding with another turret:

• "Coming through!"
• "Excuse me."
• "Sorry."
• "My fault."
• "Oh!"

Shutting down after being knocked over:

• "Ah hahaha!" (In pain)
• "Critical error!"
• "Sorry! We're closed."
• "Shutting down."
• "I don't blame you."
• "Malfunction!"
• "I don't hate you."
• "Whyyyyyyyy..."
• "No hard feelings."

While being destroyed by an emancipation grid:

• "Owowowowowowowow...!"

Being picked up:

• "Hey!"
• "Hey, hey, hey!"
• "Put me down."
• "Woah!"
• "Illegal operation!"
• "Who are you?"
• "Please put me down."
• "Help."
• "Uh oh."

Idling:

• "Goodbye."
• "Sleep mode activated."
• "Hibernating."
• "Good night."
• "Resting."
• "Nap time!"

While searching:

• "Are you still there?"
• "Target lost!"
• "Can I help you?"
• "Searching!"

Taking friendly fire:

• "Hey! It's me!"
• "Don't shoot!"
• "Stop shooting!"

Falling over:

• "Woah!"
• "Syntax error!"
• "Unknown error."
• "Malfunctioning."
• "Oh!"
• "Ow ow ow ow ow!"

Upon killing chell:

• "Naptime..."

I've now finished my third PlayStation 3 game! I completed Call of Duty 4 this morning on REGULAR difficulty. It was a great game, and to be honest, the short story didn't bother me. Mainly because it was so good while it lasted. For those of you who didn't know before, the other two games I completed were Assassin's Creed and Portal. I liked them both, but I got a bit bored with Assassin's Creed once I'd finished it.

Playtimes:

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare- around 5 hours. Bought: Last Thursday

The Orange Box (Portal)- around three hours. Bought: 27th December

Assassin's Creed- around thirteen hours (with a lot of exploration). Bought: 27th December

I'm also quite far in Resistance now, I'm in the Chimeran Tower (sorry if that spoilt anything). On ProStreet, I used the UNLOCK ALL THINGS cheat, repeated the same race over, and over again and finally got enough money to buy a fully customised Pagani Zonda. If you want to see it, go to this site:

http://needforspeed.share.ea.com/profiles/18169.aspx

Look at the photos section on the right and feel free to leave comments.

I'm still stuck on Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction. I've got to find some statues to unlock a tunnel of cutty terror or something? Can someone please help me out?

Anyway, catch you later!

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Ok, let's play the guessing game.

I'm in a small light green room. A few eleven year olds are next to me, holding a heavy white controller that seems to be the size of your head. Speaking of heads, they seem to have large white things in their ears and yelling "Noob" into these things. A piece of paper in in my hand. On it seems to be a bill of £35 a year. Suddenly the room goes black and hot. Red rings appear on the walls. I stumble around, tripping on crap games.

Where am I? Got it?

Still Alive- Portal

This was a triumph,

I'm making a note here:

"HUGE SUCCESS"

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction,

Aperture Science,

We do what we must because we can,

For the good of all of us,

Except the ones who are dead,

But there's no sense crying over ev'ry mistake,

You just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake,

And the science gets done,

And you make neat gun,

For the people who are Still Alive,

-

I'm not even angry,

I'm being so sincere right now,

Even though you broke my heart and killed me,

And tore me to pieces,

And threw ev'ry piece into a fire,

As they burn it hurts because,

I was so happy for you,

Now these points of data make a beautiful line,

And we're out of data,

We're releasing on time,

So I'm glad I got burned,

Think of all the things we learned,

For the people who are Still Alive,

-

Go ahead and leave me,

I think I prefer to stay inside,

Maybe you'll find someone else to help you,

Maybe Black Mesa,

That was a joke,

Fat Chance,

Anyway this cake is great,

It's so delicious and moist,

Look at me still talking when there's science to do,

When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you,

I've experiments to run,

There is research to be done,

For the people who are Still Alive,

-

And believe me I am Still Alive,

I'm doing science and I'm Still Alive,

I feel fantastic and I'm Still Alive,

While you're dying I'll be Still Alive,

And when you're dead I will be Still Alive,

Still Alive,

Still Alive

Can someone please give me recommendations for a good PlayStation 3 game? I was thinking along the lines of Call of Duty 4 or something, so please leave comments if you think it's good or you would recommend something else. Also, check my collection to get a rough guideline of what I like. Also, Ratchet and Clank is for my brother, so if you can also think of any games a hyper little five-year-old would like, then also, leave comments.