If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

-There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

-Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

-Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

-When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

-Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

-There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

-When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

-Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

-Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

-For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

-Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

-When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

-Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

-Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

-Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

-If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

-Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

-Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

-Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

-The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

-You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

-The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.:roll: