YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS THE MOST POINTLESS RANT IN THE HISTORY OF RANTS

But I have to you see. Because I hate LOL. What a  horrible phrase it is.

Are you laughing out loud?

No!

Then why say you are!!!!?????

Is it to act as an icebreaker in conversation?

Because then this convo is clearly over and you should discuss something else

I don't really know why the phrase "LOL" annoys me as much as it does.

IT JUST DOES YEH?

And so as we go into 2007, I feel that we should reflect on 2006. A grand old year it's been eh? ER saw its best seasons since Season 6, Desperate Housewives gave us DrunkBree, Hollyoaks became respected as a new producer was drafted in and the villainous Clare Cunningham almost conducted a Christmas killing and Veronica Mars got grittier and made good usage of the awesome Mac.

And Marissa died!

Of course, there were the bad. In The City started off terribly but got fantastic towards the end of its run before it was unfortunately cancelled, Mandy Hutchinson said goodbye to Hollyoaks, Desperate Housewives didn't have the strongest of seasons and Grey's Anatomy had a more suiting name in Grey's Borefest

And so as we head into 2007 (happy new year btw), there are bright sparks ahead - Bree looks set to marry Orson in Desperate Housewives but we all know he ran over Mike. What's she getting herself into? Bill Ward and Kate Ford wave goodbye to the cobbles of Coronation Street early this year as Charlie Stubbs finally gets his comeuppance - how will he leave? Will Channel 4 ever stop advertising the waaaay overhyped Ugly Betty and will it actually be remotely interesting? Which other American imports will catch my eye? Will John Paul ever come out on Hollyoaks? And how will Sam and Luka get out of their various predicaments on ER (4 days!!!)?

I predict pretty good things for this year ...

I shall begin this blog with a children's poem by Kenn Nesbitt which I quite enjoyed.

I often contradict myself.

Oh no, I never do.

I argue with me day and night.

That simply isnt true.

Oh yes it is. Oh no it's not.

I do this all day long.

Oh no I don't. Oh yes I do.

That's right. No way! It's wrong.

I'm really quite agreeable.

I argue night and day.

I love to be around myself.

I wish I'd go away.

So if you see me arguing,

it's certain that you won't.

I like to contradict myself.

I promise you I don't.

Onwards with the article ...

Is Catherine Tate losing her touch? Is there nothing Hollyoaks' Clare Cunningham won't do? Is this the beginning of the end for Dr. Cox? Can Precious convince gormless Troy to marry her in In The City? And will Corrie end this sick incest storyline?

With each episode of The Catherine Tate Show, I can't help but feel she's lost her touch this year. This is apparent as she is coming off the back of two very strong seasons, so much so that her book of sketches has its place on my Christmas list. And while there were some good sketches this week (the Aga Saga mother in Tottenham, Nan on the Paul O'Grady Show), Catherine has become a comedienne with one big problem - she's just not that funny anymore.

In amongst the storylines of Jacqui returning to jail (yazoo!), Steph's Z-list adventures (boo!) and Becca returning to the village (yazooish), there is one storyline which has been going on for what seems like years on Hollyoaks. Word from the DigitalSpy forums is that Clare gets her comeuppance at Christmas, but I honestly can't wait that long. There is no TV character I want to die more. And the problem is, they've really been dragging out the storyline of Clare's golddigging wenchness. This week, Max found out about Clare and Warren's drug deal leading to a heart attack as well as conning £50,000 out of him in order to visit a "pregnancy specialist" ... which turned out to be a New Zealand immigration office. And after then poisoning little Tom Cunningham, is there any more evil she can stoop to?

A great episode of Scrubs aired this week did what no other episode had dared to do yet - examine and focus on a recurring character. And I loved the depth they tried to give to The Todd this week, as well as Carla and Elliot's reaction. The story with the kidney transplant patients was also funny yet really emotional and well-scripted. I especially like the route we are bound to explore with Dr. Cox over the next few episodes as from the looks of it, he'll be in for a bumpy ride.

To my surprise, I was gutted to find out that In The City hasn't been commisioned for a second series. Here was a show I was slating after its first few episodes, calling it a laughable attempt at a drama. Yet here I am completely captivated by it and, believe it or not, it's the highlight of my week. I'm fed up of Ben and Lisa, but the introduction of Claire King as superb**ch Stella has made this show a lot more exciting. What exactly is her relationship with Burton? I was also quite amused at the story of Troy's deportation and Precious' suggestion of marriage. Those two are great.

And I hate Frankie and Jamie. Sick. And the worst part is, they think they can justify it. Poor Debra Stephenson is being given awful material - and they aren't doing a thing to cover up her pregnancy.

... it may actually happen.

As in tonight's Hollyoaks, Jacqui returned to prison! I am eternally happy.

The rest of this blog will be music based. Just some of the stuff I love at the moment is "Rock Steady" by All Saints. I also love a new band named The Noisettes who are producing some really good stuff. I'm also into "Whistle for the Choir" by The Fratellis (and there's another song I'm obsessed with from Costello Music), "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance and strong contender for Song of the Year, "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse.

Look! It's a shawn-esuqe article. I'm experimenting with how I blog ...

Ex-jailbirds take over Coronation Street and Hollyoaks, Surrane Jones gets raunchy in Strictly Confidential, there's trouble for Lisa in In The City and in a shock move, Ray Fearon leaves Strictly Come Dancing

Pictured above is the woman who is ruining Hollyoaks for me. Jacqui McQueen was introduced in the middle of September as the 6th McQueen sister who had just been released from jail after serving 5 months for shoplifting. For starters, the actress is awful as Claire Cooper's only facial expression appears to be a gurn. And then of course since she's been inside, the necessary ex-jailbird characteristic of "bad attitude" has been applied. Pair her up with Tony Hutchinson and you have the worst couple the soap has ever come up with. And the worst part is, they're giving her lots of screentime.

But it's not just the Oaks getting a dose of prison life. Coronation Street has reintroduced Barmy Becky and unlike a lot of fans, I actually quite like her. But she too has been given the conventional ex-con attitude that has been applied to Jacqui. However, Katherine Kelly is a decent enough actress to not make the character completely annoying and it's always good to have screentime with the Croppers. But not with Bev Unwin ...

Did anyone else watch Strictly Confidential? And anyone else find it to be utter hishtosh? I don't know what's up with low quality drama at the moment. Torchwood, Robin Hood, Goldplated and now this. I didn't particularly enjoy it and although Suranne Jones is a great actress, the show just didn't appeal to me at all. And the worst part, I sacrificed Catherine Tate for it.

It's pretty gritty in In The City, what with Lisa and Ben's break-up having terrible consequences for almost everyone. Lisa Hunter is taking it the worst though, her behavior almost childlike and making a show of herself at every opportunity. But even she has second thoughts about taking drugs at the tremendous Gucci's insistance, and I'm sure the fact she has now been raped will drive her even further downhill. But on the non-Lisa front, could the slow buildup between Adam and Josh finally be showing signs of getting somewhere? If I were Adam, there'd be no way I's marry Moaning Millie

And finally we move onto Strictly Come Dancing, and I think almost everyone was shocked at the results. No-one was expecting Ray and Camilla to leave what with Peter and Erin's last two performances being significantly awful compared to everyone else's efforts. Shocking stuff.

... even Sainsburys won't give you a job. They were my last hope. And there's no way in hell I will work at Woolworths. And it seems that I need money to be in a relationship.

I just realised yesterday that it's only two months until ER, Shameless and Desperate Housewives are back on. It made me smile. =)

But referring to recent TV, I thought I might write about my thoughts on the new series Goldplated on Channel 4. It's a shame that Channel 4 spent so much money hyping up a show which is actually quite terrible. It's obvious they're trying to create their own Desperate Housewives/Footballers' Wives-esque drama. But it just doesn't work.

There is one thing keeping me watching - the girl in the mental home who couldn't talk until last week. What's her story? I hope we find out soon because then I can stop watching this drivel.

I enjoyed seeing Bernie and Elaine Figgis were back on The Catherine Tate Show. These two are two of my favourites from the first two series and both their sketches (or Elaine's four ... which implies she won't be back for the rest of the series) were fantastic. I hope they bring back the gay Irish mother though.

And I saw Borat today - atrociously offensive yet incredibly hilarious at the same time.

I haven't really meant to abandon blogging. But with A Levels comes a lot less free time. To be honest, I have no idea how Shana quite managed last year. So I have a fair amount to say

I think Robin Hood isn't all that great. It's average at best, but I've stopped watching. But it's nowhere near as bad as the cringingly awful Torchwood.

I don't care what anyone says, Strictly Come Dancing makes for fantastic viewing. However the judges are really quite biased towards Emma Bunton this year. I think I've overdosed on Scrubs though, it's the only show I'm pernamently watching atm. Apart from Hollyoaks of course. And strangely Coronation Street.

Which brings me onto my next point - Hollyoaks: In The City isn't actually that bad. It's embarassing that I'm hooked on it, but for some strange reason I am. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Glad that The Catherine Tate Show is back on. I love the "I can do that" woman. And Bernie's back next week!

Onto my personal life, I'm out at school which has had a positive reaction of which I'm quite glad. My sister "accidentally" told my parents though which resulted in me throwing water over my sister which resulted in my grounding. Lost computer privilages for a week.

Lost on Sky1. There is a God. Would that God be kind enough to put 24 on terrestrial TV?

I have a boyfriend though now. Ish. I don't really know what it is to be honest. We only started going out this afternoon really - well, officially. He's not at my school or anything though so making time for him is expensive.

A-levels are hard.

I might dress up as a mime and go around scaring people, there is nothing more scary than a mimeAnd also, very excited for Strictly Come Dancing and Robin Hood this Saturday, while GA is going from strength to strength

I'm sorry if I sound really heartless or if some of you find this offensive, but Richard Hammond has had his injuries coming for a while now. So has Jeremy Clarkson and that other idiot who presents it.

But the fact is that they're rallying people to help save Top Gear from BBC cancellation. And the worst bit is, the public are buying into it. Here are people who would obviously love nothing more than to watch a group of pikeys complete ignore the Highway Code in an extremely dangerous fashion, and are likely sadists.

It's been reported that Richard Hammond is hoping to help save the show by doing a live broadcast from his hospital bed, and having them replay the tape on Top Gear. Yes, I'm sure he'd love to be reminded of how he crashed and maybe he would just love to crash for a second time. Is he really this much of an idiot?

And while I'm ranting about this subject, how insensitive are the press to drive a rally car up to the hospital he's being treated at? Get real.

(Oooh, sounds a bit like a dirty novel title)

Totally worth hurting my neck for. Best (and sweatiest) night ever, a ton better than The Subways were (and they were great but that was months ago).

My neck is so ****ing sore from headbanging and Im finding it difficult to walk due to all the jumping and standing on the person behind me's Converses all night. We got an awesome view near the back where we could see practically everything.

Tyson Ritter is a goddamn prophet (and my friend Chelsea wants his ring and babies). Their set was intense and the in-between talk banter was awesome. Of course they did save "Move Along" and "The Last Song" til the end of the set when I had run out of energy to jump (shame seeing as they're like my favourite two) but the whole night just blew me away. Even the supporting acts were pretty cool (and they usually suck)

Dissapointed that I didnt buy a T-shirt though ... =(. Stoopid me only taking £5 with me. That bit wasnt good, wish Id got one now.

So yeah to sum up this blog, there's nothing like spending a night drenched in the sweat of yourself, your mates and total strangers if the All-American Rejects are there throwing water at people and rocking the **** out of Birmingham.
=)=)=)=)=)


Also, thank god Patsy Kensit's left Emmerdale. Good episode on Thursday. Nothing more, nothing less.

... my mission is to convert at least one of you blog regulars into watching Hollyoaks. And I'm not sure I can do it, but I'm going to give it my all. You may want to tune in tonight for the funeral of Mel and Sophie (*sniff*), two of the victims taken from the village after the fire.

I missed Weeds last Wednesday, but I can't stay up to watch it tonight. School's taking it's toll on me, but you might be glad to know that my situation has improved from last week.

Very excited about the return of Strictly Come Dancing this week. I'm hoping this series will be another great one, but how many more of Bruce Forsythe's bad jokes can we take?

Emmerdale is very yawnable at the moment.

I've given up on trying to watch Veronica Mars as I keep dipping in and out and I don't know what's going on. The only reason I'm doing this is because my Dad's going on business to America next February, and I'm hoping he'll be able to bring back the Season 2 DVD with him.

I enjoyed the Bad Girls finale, a show which I've also been dipping in and out of this season. But where was Pat?

And finally, we come to the marvellous Grey's Anatomy. I really fear that it may just take ER's place soon, but this could just be because of the ER withdrawal symptoms I'm going through at the moment (I hope all you US folk enjoy the premiere of Season 13 on Thursday). But I love GA at the moment, and I loved Alex's talk about a very first kiss (was that this week's or last week's?) with that patient of his. He's still a tool though.