Trigames.NET Podcast Episode 79 is posted. But first:

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Yes. We can't stand your ears. We despise them so.

And now for the episode. The fantabulous Cooper Lawrence and the Blooper to end all bloopers! Because, you know, Mass Effect is really full of porntograny and sexamality. Meanwhile, it objectifies women and according to a Fox News panel, you can't do ANYTHING once it's in the house! God forbid a console's parental control features actually working... oh wait.

Of course, there is other word-dom to be had, and we speak on other topics such as... teabagging in schools. Yes. And then, Gizmondo's sordid tale of revival, shot-down-al, and then re-revival.

In other somewhat sad but really joyous news, Ethan's work schedule has rendered him unavailable as a regular member of the Po'cas'. So, he will be appearing as a guest whenever he can; but for now, we're a three-horse gig. TIMMAH!

Download here.

File size: 46.8 MB

Run time: 1:37:25

P.S. - There is more of "Trigames.NET Hates Your Ears" in the blog post below. We hate your ears more than you can imagine.

P.P.S. - The RSS feed should be updated by noon PST today. It shows up to 78 on my iTunes correctly, but please let me know if you continue to experience glitches.

Nevermind that our scratchy voices cause you immense pain during our podcast (Episode 79 of which is being prepared as we speak). It's time for some awful Rock Band-age. Feast your ears on me and the_antipode blunder our way through Buddy Holly and 3's & 7's. We HATE your ears. Deal. Our Rock Band compatriots and cameramen did, after all.

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We. Hate. Your. Ears! (Content rated M for imMature.)

I was watching (well, nodding off during - had a serious case of food coma) the Cavs-Lakers game on ABC today. During the second half, when Kobe was attempting a pair of free throw (this was the set where he missed both of them), I heard him yelp when he released the first shot because he knew it was too far wide left. His exclamation was clearly, "Awww [expletive]!", but at that precise moment the audio feed from the TV cut out entirely for one second, effectively muting the expletive. This happened intermittently throughout the rest of the game, and then at some points during the ESPN telecast of the Nuggets-Mavs game.

Of course I knew that, after Janet Jackson's Superbowl "wardrobe malfunction", national television stations were more cautious about live events and such. It's just weird to see it now in an NBA game, because up until tonight I'd never seen any NBA telecasts where they used tape delay to mute out errant cuss words.

(Note: I'm not upset at all about it or anything like that - I was just caught off guard by it and found it interesting that they started doing it just now.)

I think today was the wrong day for me to start Assassin's Creed. I awoke to a phlegmy disposition, I'm anticipating having a few friends over (the bashful group) for Rock Band and having to lug the 360 out to the living room and set all that crap up, and I'm quite hungry (but I'm waiting to sit down for lunch with my father). So when I was sitting through the cutscenes and the tutorials for Assassin's Creed, I kept on thinking, "ok, let's get on with it" or "why do I care?". In a word, impatience. Yeah - definitely not the right day to start playing this game.

It just feels so plodding - so ... gooey, if that makes any sense. Where the Prince from Prince of Persia is this spry fellow that responds to your every button press so very quickly, Altair is one of those game characters that seems to respond heavily to momentum - but not in the Mario way. The combat is sluggish and deliberate, and although this probably ends up being really intriguing as you get to more advanced stages, in this mood I'm in today I just hate it. As far as climbing up towers, just holding down A, R and up on the analog stick isn't grabbing me. Sorry. I'm yearning for the Prince's good ol' jump, grab pole, swivel around, jump to flagpost, swing around, fly to other flag post, wall jump, wall run, yadda yadda... and of course, it's never fair to start comparing games to one another just because you're in not in the mood for something; that's just what ended happening.

But, y'know, when I press A, I feel like Altair should jump - not prepare for a jump and then spring when you release. Altair also seems to arbitrarily stop at points, like when he comes too close to a wall without actually touching it, or when climbing a tower and randomly coming to a point where I have to jiggle around the analog stock to make him start climbing again. Altair is obviously an athletic badass, but when you're playing this game, it just doesn't feel like it - it only looks like it. Then again, this is again comparing the game to something that it's not (Prince of Persia, if you've forgotten already). I realize and accept that this is a (different type of) stealth game first and foremost that concentrates on more realistic physics, and I completely understand that there are reasons for the game to control the way it does. Again: maybe this just wasn't the right day.

On a side note, I really, really hope that I fall on the positive side of the fence. This game got wildly mixed reviews, and though as a consumer I don't often find myself necessarily agreeing with the mass of critics or at least taking their words to heart before I try a game, it's absolutely worrisome how wildly negative some of those impressions have been.

I got a new free phone since I was at my 2-year contract renewal with Verizon. I saw that Orcs and Elves II was available and said, what the hey, grab it. I've heard it was quite good, and even though I own Orcs and Elves for the DS I'm sure there will be times where I'm caught DS-less (coming home from a party or a bar, say, and too inebriated to trust myself to keep my DS from being stolen right out of my hands). I played it for about 5 minutes and came away with good impressions. Imagine that - a good mobile game.

I figured, though, that since most of mobile gaming is universally blargh (the simplest of puzzle games notwithstanding), I needed to set the world balance right again by downloading what could be a terrible game. The disgusting experience I had with Empire Earth Mobile doesn't count - that's on my OLD phone, see. Anyway. So I saw Guitar Hero "III" as an option and... decided to ruin my enjoyment of the franchise by buying it.

Here's the gist: it's really stupid and you should not play it. The end.

To expand a bit, actually, it's not completely unplayable - if at all. You just shouldn't bother playing it. It's pointless. For kicks, I'll do a stupid video review or something for it when I've played it some more (no, this won't be for Gamespot; this'll be for li'l ol' neglected Trigames) so you can see how asinine it is. So there you go, gaming community. $12 to tell you what you probably already knew: don't buy Guitar Hero mobile. Aren't you just so grateful for my sacrifice? Or am I really just that idiotic? Actually don't answer that. (Remember, I have mod powersz0rz! OoOoOoOo scary!)

There's nothing shameful about this man. Not even when putting controllers down his pants.

(Note: As I was rendering this video I found that I am not "teh first", but the more the merrier. Check out 31160618's Tribute to Alex Navarro, which you can also get to from the Soapbox, and the first one to go up. Also, props to him for suggesting that I Soapbox this. Navarro Mania, as he calls it, begins now!)

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Alex Navarro was an identifiable reason for Gamespot's greatness. He also did me an incredible solid and gave me a chance in this biz. (Then again, he did crush me in my last playoff matchup in the Guitar Hero League Union... grrr...) After a successful run, Navarrismo rides off into the sunset in search of gold, liquor, and new opportunities. To him, I say, thanks for the memories; thanks for giving me the chance to write; and thanks for helping make Gamespot what it was.

... ... ...Controller pantsing here will never be the same again.

Podcast is up, and available! RSS feed is updated, too.

"For some reason we ramble on for 30 minutes about what we've been playing before getting to some interesting news bits and the NPD sales. Record Breaking! Then we get to a hilarious reader bag of dung, what games we've played that pull us away from our backlogs, and get to our reader questions. All in just under two hours and 23 minutes. Short, eh?"

Some of the bigger stories include the ever-expanding discussion of whether or not videogames directly affect how we behave (man saves other man from bleeding to death thanks to America's Army; elsewhere, man kills other man due to fued on Lineage II, et cetera and the NPDs. Even for the "worst" selling console, there were LOTS of sales to be had and overall it seemed like it was a successful holiday.

Wilkins, we answered your question! Also, cj_hope33's destruction of Graal had us all dying - hence the title of this episode. Congrats, CJ, you got an episode named after your bag of deuce! Be sure to listen for his entry just after the news break.

Finally, music has been provided by Bubble Bobble, Bionic Commando and Ikari Warriors.

Download here.

File Size: 68.4MB

Run Time: 2:22:29

Remember - we'll likely be recording Episode 78 of the podcast tomorrow, as usual, so if you've got questions or comments, send 'em in: mailbag AT trigames DOT net or you can use this form right hurr (just remember to provide your name so we can address you during our reading).

Looks like I'm going in reverse, since I'm going to spit a few lines about the 8.0 I gave Bubble Bobble. It happens to be the first Virtual Console game that I've reviewed that has broken that pesky 7.5 barrier. Nevermind about scores and numbers though - it should go without saying that I definitely think that it's the best game I've reviewed for VC thus far. While it's easy to fall into the nostalgia trap and think that this is the best thing since the wheel, it's not; but it's just so fiendishly fun and simple that I really can't find anything really bad to say about it. Yeah, so it's sugary sweet; maybe that will turn off some people. But unlike those games that almost hit this mark (Axelay, Ninja Gaiden II) that have some things to complain about, there really seems to be nothing with Bubble Bobble. It truly is a great little game. Try to play through it with the focused goal of popping as many enemies as you can with a single cluster of bubbles, and keep trying. I think my favorite part of the game is when you down everyone in a single stage and they go flying around the room, coming to rest as collectible goodies. It would be when the MASSIVE DIAMOND falls from the sky, but I can't figure out how to trigger that...

So, STEAM. My wallet's fallen victim to Valve's service. I just unloaded some moolah on the PopCap Favorites and Rockstar packs. I mainly did the PopCap thing for Peggle and Bookworm Adventures. It's aggravating how simple yet addictive those games are. They aren't even that great. They're mindless fun, yes, but nothing "great." Yet, there's something about the presentation which makes it feel like a casino. Those flashing lights and loud, clangy noises - and because it's so damn simple to play, you feel like it won't hurt to just go for one more mouse click. Peggle is a freaking pachinko machine and yet you might find yourself playing for hours simply because it's so easy to play. The Rockstar pack, of course, had to be boughteded. I am not that huge a fan of Grand Theft Auto. I've played it in spurts on other peoples' consoles and I'm really annoyed with the controls and interface. But considering how much the Rockstar Pack costs ($60 for every Rockstar game released on PC), and the fact that I adore Max Payne and Max Payne 2, and that I do like the GTA games enough to want ALL FIVE (1, 2, 3, VC, SA) for such a price, including Manhunt (much better than Manhunt 2 :P), well... SOLD!

But then there's GameTAP. This is a warning for you prospective digital downloaders out there. If you find a game on STEAM, check to see if they've got it on GameTAP first. I'll definitely take a flat-rate monthly payment for tons and tons of games available for download. Project Snowblind was $20 on STEAM, but it's available on GameTAP. I'd been waiting for the Phantasy Star series to come out on Virtual Console - but GameTAP has all of it. Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale - all of those RPGs - they're available on STEAM, yes, but they're also on GameTAP. I got in on a special deal where I'm paying $5 per month for GameTAP (I think it's still available, not sure), and if I can get ALL of those games - that would normally cost me upwards of $60 in total - for $5 a month, I'd rather take the $5 per month. You can install GameTAP on your laptop just like you can STEAM, so I would actually be able to enjoy SOME of the games on the road (i.e. the ones that run on my laptop) where I don't have my PC.

If PC games didn't come in those goofy boxes, but instead in DVD cases like console games, I wouldn't be so incredibly quick to jump on the Digital Distro bandwagon. I'm vain - I like tangible products. But those heavy clunker boxes are just enough. And to think - they used to be even more mammoth. Ramble end.

Just thought you might find this interesting, in case you didn't scoop this off of Gerst's blog. Jeff will be appearing, along with Dan Hsu (EGM/1up), Francesca Reyes (OXM), and Will Tuttle (GameSpy), on one of IGN's podcasts titled AFK with host Jeremy Dunham (editorial bigwig on IGN - who has details on his blog). The episode is set to air on Tuesday, January 22nd.

Speaking of podcasts, we should be recording episode 78 this Sunday unless disaster strikes. Send in any comments, questions or monetary donations if you wish. You know where: trigames AT trigames DOT net. (No questions sent elsewhere will be answered! Have fun leaving your question in the comments below and not getting it answered, in other words.)

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Taiko Drum MastAr DS. It's still ridiculous. Just, now even more awesomer. And there's more gangsterdom in store... but enjoy this one for now. By the way, Episode 77 of the podcast is uploaded if you know where to look. RSS and blurb coming tomorrow. Right now I'm exhausted and lazy.