During our mandatory diversity training at work, I learned that you can't spell "inclusive" without "us".

Somewhere out there is a person who actually got paid to come up with that.

I bought a Nintendo 3DS, and I'm having a blast with it so far. Hooray! It's my first handheld since the Gameboy Advance.

For starter games, I grabbed Street Fighter IV and Ocarina of Time. What other games should I be adding to my wishlist?

Oh, what am I saying - of course you don't.

Oh, it took years, but I earned my way to the top. I own Chillfurrow Farm, you see. Very successful business. Obviously.

I actually advise the Jarl on political matters. My input is invaluable, of course. But this is all probably a bit over your head.

I'm not too fond of the new rules. ****ing amateurs don't know how to troll. Clever subtlety has become lost, overwhelmed by obvious derp-derp. I want the seed of doubt planted in my head; lead me to believe there's a slight chance that you're being genuine. Lay the bait and slowly lure me towards the ultimate punchline. Don't show me the hook before wiggling the worm, you'll never catch anything that way.

Loyal Huzwog Huzblog readers may recall a rumor from a few months back that I was going to be given a summer intern to help out with a project of mine.

I was afraid I may have screwed myself by finishing the project on my own ahead of schedule. Stupid Oleg! Stupid stupid stupid! An engineer who finishes early is an engineer who says to management "Go ahead and reduce our budget next year. It's cool; I'm super efficient!"

Fortunately, news of my stupid display of super skills had not reached the ears of the people in charge of hiring. As far as they know, I still require the extra hand. Excellent news! My naive, impressionable college intern arrives next week. I shall soon being molding his malleable mind into the perfect drone, eager to carry out my will!

I do a fair amount of flying, both business and personal. For some reason, security has never been a bother for me. I've seen countless people be ordered to stand in front of body scanners, and countless more get patted down. But never me.

Why not? What's wrong with me? Nobody wants to see my naked body in all its x-ray glory? Nobody wants to get their gloved hands all over this ass and parts beyond? My pride, my self-esteem, my ego...

Well, at long last, it finally happened to me before a flight out of Phoenix. Hooray!

I was instructed to stand in front of the machine, slightly spread-eagled with my hands over the top of my head like I was being arrested. I asked the woman running the machine if I could see the image, and was given a stern "no" along with a suspicious glare. (I didn't think it was an unreasonable request; I was curious to see what I looked like.)

Then I was told I was going to be patted down. Sure, whatever. I've been patted down outside stadiums before sporting events. No big deal. Yes, those are my legs. Yes, that's my ass. Meh. I don't understand why so many people get so upset about this. It's not as invasive as some people clai... WHOA, wtf?!? I wasn't expecting those gloved hands to be THAT friendly. You're supposed to buy me dinner before you get the privilege of reaching 3rd Base. Jerk.

I enjoy browsing Ask the Mods every now and then. I usually get a chuckle or two there. But this? I don't know how to describe it. I can't stop reading. I'm reading it over and over.

It's just so... well, I don't know what it is. Fascinating? Enrapturing? Read it and report back here with a single word description.

Do it! Do it now! Oleg_Huzwog has spoketh!

It's that time again - the time where managers and leads start interviewing potential college interns. I've just been asked to serve as a mentor for one, as he/she will be assigned fulltime to help me with a project I've got coming up this summer. Me! Just me! I'll have my very own personal minion to order around! To carry out my evil will! To mold and shape into an instrument of destruction!

I'm... so... HAPPY!

Alright, all you residents of San Francisco, Oakland, etc. Time for you to step up and give me some answers.

So I was in the Bay Area over the weekend. Rather than bother with a rental car, I decided to use the trains to travel around.

At first, I thought "wow, this BART system is pretty snazzy". (That's Bay Area Rapid Transit, for those of you who aren't in the know). I like the debit system you've got going with the tickets. I like the frequency of trains. I like the coordinated transfers. Yep, that's a pretty nice transporation system you've got there.

But then I stepped onto the train...

Why do your trains smell like urine and french fries? What was that greasy stuff that got all over my hands when I grabbed an overhead rail for support? Whywere their two homeless-looking guys yelling at each other? What made those stains on my seat? Explain yourselves!

Went to the opera and saw Lucia di Lammermoor.

Remember the blue alien diva in Fifth Element? That piece she was singing is from the climax of Lucia (only, y'know, without the techno remix). You hear it and think "oh, what a pretty melody". Ah, but that's until you see the visuals that are supposed to go along with it.

The solo is being sung by the title character, Lucia, wearing a wedding dress. A pretty image, yes? Nope. That wedding dress happens to be completely soaked in blood. And that blood happens to belong to the groom, who the bride so happened to brutally murder on their wedding day.

So now she's aimlessly wandering amongst shocked wedding guests in her bloodsoaked wedding dress. The guests are all too stunned to do anything but watch her descent into madness as she dances and sways with the groom's blood all over her, disrobes herself down to bloodsoaked undergarments, briefly tries to seduce her horrified brother, slices her arms with the same dagger she used on the groom, and smears her own blood all over herself.

And I bet you thought opera was boring.