Count Chocula

Count Chocula, 33, died Saturday night, when I discovered that the once iconic cereal legend can no longer be found in regular grocery stores and supermarkets. Over the past month, I had gone on a journey to find my hero, the man who shattered all breakfast time stereotypes in the early 70's. I hadn't been able to find this man at my local Hy Vee, or at Cash Wise across the street, or even at the nearest Wal Mart Supercenter. What happened to this man? Was he whacked by Tony the Tiger's gang? Did Snap, Crackle, and Pop have anything to do with his mysterious appearance? The answer was no. The fact is, General Mills lost faith in this aging icon. In this day and age of Pokemon and "Xtreme" brands, Count Chocula just wasn't hip anymore. General Mills decided to phase out the Count, and kick him out of the mainstream. But the Count still lives on in the underground. You can still find this man and his delicious breakfast broth online, and if you're like me, you'll have your credit card out in support of this legendary figure. But for the mainstream masses, who buy their cereal in the stores, and not on the internet, Count Chocula is dead, and he's never coming back. Count Chocula, you truly are a man among boys. You will sorely be missed.

Count Chocula is survived by his brothers Boo Berry and Frankenberry. He was preceeded by his brothers Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy.

OK, before you go all crazy about that Entry title, keep in mind that it was a joke. Ha ha ha ha ha, wasn't it funny. Anyways, I'm gonna fill you in on a little something: I don't really like gay people. That doesn't mean I HATE all homosexuals, and wish for them all to be sprayed with a giant Super Soaker full of Tartar Sauce. No, it means that I don't like them. And is it a crime to not like someone or something? Not really. Hating and just not liking are 2 different things. Let me tell you WHY I don't like them. They just creep me out. I don't really mind most gay people. I'm talking about the people who don't openly flaunt their homosexuality. Those people are fine with me. It's the people who populate night clubs and Bette Midler concerts that give me the willies. Like those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys. I dislike them because they exploit their homosexuality for their own personal gain. Whatever happened to just being gay, not telling anyone, and just doing your own thing in a private matter? It's those people who I cannot stand, the people who make it known to everyone how gay they are. I don't run around in a wife beater and yell out "I'm straight, please ladies, have sex with me!". Have you ever seen a straight pride parade? No. So that's my rant about gay people. I'm sure a bunch of you will only read the title, then send me angry PM's and go tell the editors.

EDIT: The original title has been changed.

I would like to preface this by saying one thing: Be thankful for what you have. I know, that sounds incredibly wussy, especially coming from someone as manly and rugged as myself. But it's true. You never know how good or easy you have it until some unexpected occurence comes along and takes a dump right in your bed (figuratively speaking, of course). With that out of the way, let me give you a description of what my week was like:

Sunday-OK, things started off great, since Papa Murphy's Pizza had Customer Appreciation Days from last Friday to last Sunday. A large Pepperoni was only $4. Not a bad deal, so before the noon kickoff for the early NFL games, I went to Austin and picked one up. If you have read my journal before, you know I'm a big fan of food, and after you get done reading this entry, you'll believe it even more. So anyways, I get home, slide the pizza into the oven, and pig out on it while I watch my boy Kevin Jones get shut down by the Bears. Thankfully, I started Onterrio Smith in his place just an hour before the roster deadline. So then the Vikings game starts, and I start to get pissed. The Dallas Cowboys and their trio of washed up offensive goons (Vinny Testicles, Eddie George and Keyshawn Johnson) march right down the field on my beloved Vikings. But eventually, the Vikings wake up, and go on to slaughter the overmatched 'Boys, 35-17. Sweet. So far so good. I love listening to Vikings Fanline after the show, where everyone calls into the hosts and either cries and second guesses Mike Tice, or pimps their favorite team. In a sick way, I kind of like it when the Vikings lose, because it makes for a great 2 hours of radio on Fanline after the game. So Sunday comes and goes, and it turned out to be a pretty damn good day. But the trend wouldn't continue. If you're not already bored out of your mind, keep reading.

Monday-Time to go to work. Today, my usual delivery route went to the old guy, and I took the OTHER old guys job. I had to drop off the food at Head Start, a local pre-school first, which was a biatch, since I missed the turn and had to circle the block, thus waisting 10 minutes. Oh well, I wasn't in a hurry. So I get to Pickett Place, the senior center where I help serve the food, along with the Hunchback of Austin (I'm dead serious, this woman has a giagantic hump in her back. Not just a bulge, or a protrusion, a GOD DAMNED SPEEDBUMP LEARCHING OUT OF HE BACK!) She's nice, so I digress. I get home, and on comes WWE Raw. A lot of the time, I watch WWE programming just so I have some fodder to post over at General Wrestling Discussion. Monday's Raw was no different, with Gene "Human Coat Hanger" Snisky causing Lita to probably have a miscarriage. Thank god. So I go to bed on Monday, a normal day, thinking "Gee, I wonder what kind of adventure I'll have on Tuesday." Well, not the one I had planned.

Tuesday- On Tuesday, I usually don't go to work, it's my day off. But since the Senior Center I work for had a night meal that night, I had to come in for a couple hours to help serve. But before that, I stopped into town to hit up the Pizza Hut buffet. As usual, the Pepperoni went fast, but I got about 3 slices, and then serviced myself to about 8 slices of Sausage. It was grubbing. When I came out and noticed I had left my headlights on, I thought I was f******. But thankfully, the battery didn't go out. So I go home, and go right back into town at 4:30 to serve. I get there, and I see a bunch of seniors dancing around to polka music. I use the term "dancing" loosely, since it sounds better than "80 year olds swaying back and forth". I put in my modest 2 hours, and begin my trek home. Then the skies opened up, and the rain came. One of my cars has a "broken roof", which leaks, so I had to put it into the garage, while wearing only my boxer shorts (it's a long story as to why I was wearing only boxer shorts at 7 pm on a Tuesday). Thank god I put it in the garage, because if I hadn't, the damn thing would have been completely destroyed. I go to bed on Tuesday night not paying attention to the massive amounts of rain that keeps coming down. So I hit the ol dusty trail, and wake up at 2 in the morning and step outside my bedroom door....

Wednesday-To find that my entire basement was filled with about an inch and a half of water. Not only that, but the sewer backed up also, causing human excrement to splash all over the washer and dryer. Hooray. So after I move all my valuables (Xbox, PS2, and to a lesser extent, GameCube) upstairs, I go to sleep on a 6 foot long smelly lime green davenport. Keep in mind I'm 6'5", so you know how comfortable I was on that damned thing.

Now, let me tell you this: I can't sleep without a TV or radio on. I don't know why, but if I try to sleep in complete silence, my mind thinks of crazy things, and it keeps me awake. I need some source of nosie to kind of drown out my insane thoughts so I can sleep. I put in my newest Chris Rock CD, and that put me to sleep in about a half hour.

I wake up in the morning and look outside the storage room window (where I slept), and thankfully, it stopped raining. However, the rain is still flowing into our house. After about 3 hours of pushing water down into our enormous sump pump hole, we decide that it's just not doing any good. It's not working at all, so we decide to take a long break. Me and my mom go to the local pizza establishment to take a load off, then we hit Owatonna Wal Mart for some groceries. I searched the cereal aisle and noticed that they don't sell Count Chocula anymore. WTF is up wit that? So we get home, and the water is still coming in, but not nearly as bad as it once was. My brother is on his way to our house with a portable sump pump, one that needs to be submerged in water for it to work. Well, our basement isn't filled with enough water, so we had to brainstorm as to how we use this damned thing. But before that, it's sleepy time, and I went to sleep thanks to my good friend Dave Chappelle.

Thursday-I wake up in the morning with my mouth tasting like I had just spent the entire night licking Courtney Love's butthole. I brush my teeth and go downstairs to discover that, e gads, some of the water is gone! Thank god. My mom came up with the idea to fill up our 2 Shop Vacs with water, then stick the sump pump in the tank and suck the water away. This method really came in handy. So after spending about 4 hours using this method, I take a break to watch the news. Austin, the town I work in, and the home of Spam, is completely flooded. They showed one camper who was stranded on top of an outhouse, it was quite funny. After the news was over, I went back to work until about 7 pm, when I took a break to watch Smackdown, the most unintentionally funny show on television. I chuckled at the return of Viscera and Gangrel, and held my breath in awe as Heidenreich raped Michael Cole on broadcast television. So much for that whole "We won't show murder or rape" policy, eh WWE? First Taker gives Paul Bearer a concerte shower, then Heidenreich takes a page out of Pat Patterson's playbook and rides his Beamer down Michael Cole's Hershey Highway. Hooray! After Smackdown, I continue to clean until it's time to go to bed again on that same stupid couch in that same crappy storage room. I put on a newly burned Bill Engvall CD this time. If you have kept reading to this point, stay patient, the good stuff is coming up.

Friday-Payday! And most importantly, the entire basement is now dry. Thank you Allah. So before I leave for work, I jump on USBank.com and see how much my paycheck was (I have Direct Deposit). It was $170 something, plus the $44.05 I got on Saturday for my mileage. Not bad for someone like myself. So I head on over to EBGames.com and RoHWrestling.com and make the purchases I have been wanting to make. I picked up Sly 2 and Silent Hill 2 from EBGames.com, and both stages of Death Before Dishonor 2 from RoHWrestling.com. Sweet. So I go to work, and it's the usual day. I decided to stop off at Arby's after work for lunch, and I purchased the chicken fingers combo with an order of Mozzarella sticks. Grubbin. Other than that, Friday was a pretty normal day.

Saturday-On Saturday, me and my mom went to Rochester to pick up some new carpeting for our basement. But before we did that, I stopped at Taco Bell. I wanted to try their Spicy Chicken Soft Taco, which was incredibly tasty. I also got a Chicken Quesadilla and a Chili Cheese Burrito, in case you cared. After I was done feeding myself, we went over to Hiller Carpet to see what we could buy. We ended up buying 3 remnants for a total of $160.50, not bad at all. The sales chick was incredibly nice too, which is good to see. We had to wait an hour and a half for our friend to show up with his truck so we could haul the stuff back home, so we hit up ShopKo, and I rummaged through the $12.99 bargain games bin. I found PSO I and II for Xbox, and using my incredible skills of persuasion, I got my mom to pay for it. I, however, paid for a couple of own things, like 4 new G.I. Joe guys. These guys are freaking sweet. Beachead is one of my favorite GI's, so I picked him up, and I also got a sweet looking Dr. Mindbender, some Cobra robot guy who has interchangeable forearms, and Hi-Tech, another GI guy. I know what you might be thinking. "You're 19 and you play with G.I. Joe guys?" You're damn right I do. So anyways, we go home and slap the carpeting down in my room, and put the entire place back together again, so thankfully, I can sleep in there that night. I finished the night by watching my beloved Gophers whoop up on Colorado State. I listened to a new Bill Engvall CD as I drifted off into slumber.

Sunday-Finally, our basement is back to normal. Actually, it's a lot nicer than it was before, now with fully carpeting instead of a couple area rugs. The day started off awesome, with the Packers getting beaten at home by the crappy Bears. Killer. I went to Subway and although they ran out of chicken (I couldn't get my usual Chicken Pizziola), I just got 2 footlong CCT's for $7.99. Then I watched some of that PBS special on video games. Now, I'm finishing up on my longest and most boring journal entry. Loyal readers, I promise better and shorter entries from now on.

At least, voting for the President of the United States is. Why? Because no matter who you vote for Kerry, Bush, Nader, or the delegate from the Female Circumcision Party, you're voting for someone who is NOT looking out for your best interest. It's all lies from all these people. They say one thing, and do the complete opposite. It's never what the American people want, it's what their special interests and what their wealthy friends and big businesses want. IT was like this with Carter, Regan, Bush Sr, Slick Willy, and it will happen with whoever is elected President. That's why I will never even register to vote, because it won't make a difference. MTV will say it does, but MTV is the epitmore of bullcrap. They will run a documentary about the horrors of consuming alcohol, then show a Real World marathon which makes drinking look like tons of fun. So to that I say *** you MTV and ***you, eventual President of the United States (which WILL be Bush, whether you like it or not).

I woke up at 2 this morning to find my basement, which contains my bedroom, FLOODED. Water an inch deep all over the basement, seeping into my room, destroying my carpet, which I'll have to pull up and replace. Luckily, it's not deep enough to cause major problems, but cleanup is going to be a serious biatch, as the water is STILL coming in slowly and steadily. The toilet won't flush, which is great, because my brother dropped a nice 5 inch long dookie in there, and it won't go away now. God I hate life sometimes, this really sucks ass.

Lately, a lot of health "experts" have broken the shocking news that fast food places like McDonald's aren't as healthy as you would think. They are saying that a regular meal from McDonalds or Burger King, or any fast food joint for that matter, is bad for you. Honestly, I'm shocked. Never did I think that the chest pains I got after eating 5 MCDonald's double cheeseburgers in 20 minutes were bad for me, I just thought it was my heart growing and getting stronger! When I noticed my ass expanding horizontally about the same time I decided to stop at Taco Bell for lunch everyday, I had just assumed that I was growing into a mature young man. But, to my amazement, this was not the case. Of course, I am being sarcastic. Does ANYONE eat at a fast food restaurant because they think it's healthy, because I certainly don't. I know the risks that come with pigging out on fast food, and I choose to ignore them, because you can only life once, and I have chosen to live my life by eating whatever the hell I want, regardless of how many grams of fat are in it, or if it has too many carbs, or if it's loaded with trans fatty acids. I think this goes for a lot of people here, they eat fast food because they like it, or because it's convienient, I don't think they stop off for a Whopper on their way to the health club.

I have actually seen people try to eat healthy at a place like McDonalds. But why even bother? Is a McDonalds salad so great? Come on people, eating any kind of fast food is bad for you. So quit trying to find all these secret diet tips that allow you to eat your 20 piece box of McNuggets, then drop 10 pounds. Instead, put down the burger, and get your tubby butt outside and get some exercise.

5. "Is it worth it?" God I hate this freaking question. Why do people insist on posting threads that vaguely ask if a game or system is worth it. what is your definition of worth? And why can't you figure this question out by simply reading a review for said game? Typically, the reviews will answer that question a hell of a lot better than some random internet schlub who will post "Yes, the games owns!!11 Buy it suxorz". Only YOU can determine if something is "worth it" or not, not anybody else. And this is a little bit off the subject, but can't people make decisions for themselves anymore?

4. The indifferent smiley post. Why do people insist on posting replies that are nothing more than one single smiley? It contributes nothing to a post, wastes your time and the time of anyone reading the thread, and it's the most played out, overused thing on the forums, besides from the typical stupid buzzwords. It's not funny or clever anymore, and I personally take it as a sign that the poster is too braindead and stupid to come up with a worthy, intelligent response to a thread. Then again, these forums aren't exactly filled with intelligent people. I think you all know who I am talking about....

3. "I just bought a GameCube, now what games shoudl I get?" I see this question all the time, and it's not just for the GameCube, it's for every system. Now, when I bought my PS2, I knew exactly what games I wanted for it. If I didn't, I wouldn't have dropped $200 on it. The same thing goes for my Xbox and GameCube, both times I bought those consoles, I had 4 or 5 games in mind that I wanted. So why do people buy a console, and then ask other people what games they should buy? Why did you buy the system in the first place if you don't know of any good games for it?

2. Ban dodgers and general morons. I love these guys who will make one account, just so they can go on a tirade about how much GameSpot sucks, just so they can get banned. What did they hope to accomplish with this? Do these losers get some kind of gratification out of annoying others for a short period of time? People like these should take some advice from my boy Homeless Jobber and go play in traffic.

1. System Wars. Now I know, most of the stuff in System Wars is just meant to be stupid, but I have a feeling that a lot of the mental defectives on that board are serious in their hatred for gaming. Why would any real gamer want a system or game to do badly? It doesn't make sense. If a game for the PS2 only does badly, in a way, it hurts all games for all systems. But these people just don't get that for some reason. And their catch phrases that they use are ridiculous. How many times can you use the word flop before the meaning of it starts to diminish? I guess, in a way, System Wars is a good thing for GameSpot, since it lets all the goofballs stay in one forum, instead of dispering themselves all over the forums.

Seacrest out.

Have you ever seen those "Anti" commercials, where the black kid will break out his box of weed, but instead of finding some sweet, sweet reefer, he finds one rolling paper with a note written on it. "We need to talk-Mom". is what is incriped on said paper. Now, I don't know about this fictitious TV mom, but if I found a big box of mary jane in my house, and I knew it belonged to my son, I wouldn't find a creative way to tell him that we just "need to talk". I would hunt that little bastard down and whip him with my belt, Kunta Kinte style. Another commercial features this other dude who passes out after a night of heavy drinking. He wakes up to see "We need to talk-Dad" written in magic marker backwards on his forehead. Right......again, if my underage kid came home and passed out on my couch, I would wake that little punk up and scream right in his face. The thing is, these commercials are supposed to promote good parenting, yet, the methods used are anything BUT good. Whatever happened to taking the switch to your kid when he did something bad? I have never touched drugs or alcohol in my life, mainly because when I was young, my mom made me know it was wrong, not by just "talking", but by tanning my hide many times.

Another commercial I hate are these McDonald's "Chicken Select" ones. They are god awful. If I was in an office, and some nice looking lady wanted to nibble on my chicken select, I would tell her to have at it. These commercials are just plain stupid, come on people, don't threaten your co workers just because your fat ass wants some chicken fingers.

Another retarded commercial is for Coors Light. They tout that the main reason why their beer is better is because they ship in in these super duper ice cold freight cars. I highly doubt ANYONE drinks Coors Light because it's colder than other beers. People drink the beer that is the cheapest, or the one that is available to them, not the coldest. Come on.

Before I got back into wrestling about 6 months ago, I had always thought that the WWE/F could do no wrong. It wasn't until I started visiting GameSpot's Wrestling game Discussion forum that I realized that what I was watching wasn't as great as it could be. I saw a couple people talking about Ring of Honor, and myself, being someone who actually liked guys like Goldberg and WCW era Scott Steiner, had no clue what they were talking about. Then, I discovered it. I found Ring of Honor, and Ring of Honor found me. Well, not really. What I actually found was a guy on Soulseek with a whole slew of wrestling matches to download. Now, before I heard about RoH, I downloaded stuff like Goldberg vs Bret Hart, and HBK vs Taker in a casket match. I downloaded a match between Michael Shane and Paul London one day, and despite the poorly compressed video quality, i was enthralled. That's not something I can say about the WWE's product these days. Well, I did some looking around on the internet, and found out how to order some Ring of Honor DVD's. It helped that the shipping was very reasonably priced and shipped very fast. Anyways, I bought Death before Dishonor, and watched the entire DVD in one sitting one early Saturday morning. Since then, I have been craving more Ring of Honor.

If only the people who are tired with the WWE's same BS could see Ring of Honor. Ring of Honor seems to do everything right, even with their small indy budget. I remember watching a bloodied CM Punk shoot a promo about Raven after a match, and the intensity was just amazing, rarely do I ever want to re-watch a PROMO time and time again. Their in-ring styles are incredible, you'll have a great technical match to start off the card, then they will break out the Scramble Cage or have a Fight Without Honor. Sure, Ring of Honor doesn't have a lot of name guys, but the guys they do have are more talented than 95% of the stiffs populating the Raw and Smackdown locker rooms. And all these guys lay it out on the line every single night, not because they want the money, it's because they want to entertain. These guys would rather hear the crowd chant "Holy $Hi+" or "Please Don't Die" than cut some stupid commercial for energy drinks. I respect each and every one of those guys in the ring, something I can't say about the WWE. It's just a shame that a promotion is doing almost everything right these days, yet a lot of wrestling "fans" are stuck watching Kenzo Suzuki and Renee Dupree win titles.

And there is the main difference between WWE and RoH. Ring of Honor's titles actually mean something. Samoa Joe has been RoH champ for more than a year and a half, and nobody deserves it more. He is the anti-JBL. He is the Anti-Jarrett. And you would NEVER see a woman or a pip squeak like Spike Dudley win the Pure Title. It just seems like the WWE uses their belts to try to coerce fans to cheer for who Vinny Mac wants them to cheer for. Well, in RoH, the fans know who to cheer for, and they always do, because the product is so great.

Paris Hilton is the definition of why everyone in the world hates us. She was born rich, hasn't had to work for anything in her life, is famous for being famous (and for being an online whore), and people in this country can't get enough of her. This is why the terrorists hate us. We as Americans worship scum like Paris Hilton, who cares about nothing more than publicity and money, and nice fancy clothes. The world hates America and the way we idolize talentless pieces of human filth like her. It must be nice to have everything you ever want without ever having to lift a finger (although she did have to spread her legs).