It's hard to believe that it's been over two years already. Sometimes, it seems like it was just a couple months ago that I was still living in Pittsburgh, still adding those first few games to my Watched list. Wow... I don't feel as though I've accomplished anything big, but it's kind of nice that I've found an online community that I can at least make a two year, one day commitment to.

So, about 11.18 levels a year? Maybe in three years, I'll be all caught up with some of the veteran users. Or caught up to where some of them are now, at any rate.

A lot of things have changed in those two years. Not so for me on GameSpot, despite some sweet new features as I've gained the odd level. I've gained and lost friends, experience the odd new thing, though I still haven't been to a foreign country or gone snowboarding--maybe Shaun White Road Trip will count? I've changed schools and majors pretty drastically, from video game design in downtown Pittsburgh, PA to journalism/undecided minor in a more rural area of Ohio. I had work for a while, now I need to find it again...

Oh, and I quit World of Warcraft. It's not that I hate it. I loved it some times, hated it others, but they eventually evened out into neutrality, and when I no longer cared at all for it, I knew it was time to stop. I might go back to it someday, but with school and looking for some kind of work, I'm thinking I'll probably stop playing for a very long time. Here's to it, I guess.

I recently learned that one of my favorite book series is getting a film series, as well as one of my favorite books. Respectively, they're Stephen King's The Dark Tower and David Wong's John Dies at the End. This might mean a lot to some of you, but to most, I guess it probably doesn't mean a whole lot. And for that, shame on you! Shame, I say!

The Dark Tower is something considered by a lot of people to be King's finest work--and those who believe it isn't generally favor The Stand. (I'm pretty fond of both, myself...) It's sort of a western/dark fantasy series that spans pretty much his entire career and has virtually endless connections to his other works. And it's really, really good. Seven books long, but very worth it. I could say some things about certain other seven-book series (or even a certain four-book series that recently concluded), but at the risk of lynching mobs, my tongue will be held.

John Dies at the End... Here's one a couple people have seen me ramble about. JDatE is sort of an internet phenomenon that was published for free online and, unlike most internet fiction, was extremely good. Good enough that it landed a publishing deal and got about 5,000 paperback copies in print. Unfortunately, despite selling out quickly, not much effort was made to continue printing, and now prices have soared into the triple digits. But that'll change this summer, when the book goes back into publishing for a more reasonable price of around $20, hopefully to accompany the film. For those who want a summary of the tone of the novel, the most accurate description I've ever heard is this: JDatE = Stephen King + HP Lovecraft + Douglas Adams + Harold and Kumar. I am not making this up. Read it when it comes out again. Please?

Oh. I also have a sinus headache while working on homework. I thought you might like to know. Ibuprofen has not done much good, so I'm thinking of knocking myself unconscious. ...With NyQuil.

But anyway, I guess the whole point of this is my way of saying that I caved and subscribed to GameSpot Total Access. Yay, me!

Love it or loathe it, you can't deny that Disney's enjoyed a great deal of success over the years, commercial and otherwise. And if you're like me, you've seen a whole mess of their films, both old and new, and even grown up on their cartoons, from Steamboat Willie to Rescue Rangers. This is a tribute, though, to some of the more recent villains from Disney fare. You may not agree (and probably won't), and you may not even like Disney at all, but here are my top ten picks for best Disney villains of the past 20 years.

10. John Silver (Treasure Planet, 2002): "Well, I was never much good at games. Always hated to lose."

Well, this guy sort of came out of nowhere. John Silver is, in case you didn't know, inspired by Long John Silver of Treasure Island fame. (I know! I was surprised, too!) Silver is a charming sort of rogue, but if there's treasure involved, expect betrayal. He does eventually come around to a sort-of good way, giving up his lifelong obsession to lead a slightly less insidious life in the end.

9. Ian Howe (National Treasure, 2004): "You know the key to running a convincing bluff? Every once in a while you got to be holding all the cards."

Starting off as a financier to an expedition in search of a fabled treasure, Ian Howe learns that the next clue is on the back of the Declaration of Independence. The main protagonist, Benjamin Gates, sees a problem in this while Howe doesn't. Shortly thereafter, the two then engage in a desperate race to get to the Declaration first. It's often unclear as to who has the advantage, but many times, Howe's ability to manipulate and his merciless nature very often puts him ahead of Gates. Howe has a lot of resources and henchmen at his disposal and makes it clear that he'll spare no expense or effort to get his hands on the treasure.

8. Davy Jones (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, 2006): "Let no joyful voice be heard! Let no man look up at the sky with hope! And let this day be cursed by we who ready to wake the Kraken!"

Davy Jones is an interesting sort of villain in that you can almost pity him sometimes, and others absolutely despise him. Selfish, ruthless, and cold, Davy Jones owns the sea. In exchange for your soul, you can make a deal with the misshapen immortal--and it seems like a lot of people do, many of them to escape death. Wielding his Kraken as a massive beating stick with tentacles to hunt down anyone who dares try to doublecross him, Jones is a menace to his targets as well as everyone around them at the time. He doesn't care who goes down with them, and seems to delight from it when other people do. Davy Jones is malicious, spiteful, and... just a downright jerk.

7. Hades (Hercules, 1997): "Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? I own you!"

Yep, Hades, the scheming God of the Underworld. The short-tempered deity, a little more than upset over the job his brother Zeus gave him, sets into motion a plan to both kill his nephew and take out all the other gods of Olympus using the insidious Titans as his ace in the hole. For nearly two decades of manipulation and conspiracy, Hades builds himself a small army of monsters to do battle with anyone in his way, until the son of Zeus, grown into a true hero, eventually stops him just short of the finish line, sending him back to the depths of the Underworld for good. Actor James Woods really brings a lot of character to Hades, portraying him as sort of a smooth-talking con artist. Hades is one of those villains that just "worked."

6. Gaston (Beauty & the Beast, 1991): "No one plots like Gaston, takes cheap shots like Gaston! Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!"

No way Gaston wouldn't be on here. A big, mean jerk who aims to make the protagonist, Belle, marry him--no matter the cost. Be it through violence, charm, or using her father as a bargaining chip, he will get his way. Wait, did I just say charm? Maybe not charm, but Gaston sure thinks he's charming, and the air of confidence about him makes a lot of people agree with him. Gaston is manly. Really manly. And besides being built like a tank, he's got a certain cunning about him that he doesn't often show. Gaston's an opportunist, using every dirty trick he can to get his way.

5. Ursula (The Little Mermaid, 1989): "Life's full of tough choices, innit?"

Exiled by King Triton to the unsightly depths outside the kingdom of Atlantica, the sea witch Ursula amuses herself by preying upon hapless passersby looking for something. Playing to their weaknesses, Ursula acts the part of a Good Samaritan, roping them in with sweet talk about giving them what she wants because she's so very nice--but for a small price. Usually, her bargains are steep and stacked against the other party, and if they fail to meet their end, they become her pet. The cold, cunning witch strikes a deal with the king's daughter, manipulating the circumstances and forcing the King into a losing deal that makes her the queen of the ocean. For a very short time, her power is nearly absolute. Unfortunately for her, the bad guys always lose.

4. Hopper (A Bug's Life, 1998 ): "First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault."

Kevin Spacey is always the villain. Always. And he's always a darn good one. Hopper is a greedy mobster grasshopper, taking advantage of a colony of ants for food. If they get out of line, he comes down on them. Hard. Which he does, near the end of the movie, putting them to work at a grueling pace. Hopper is very intelligent, but he prides himself too much in his cleverness and strength--pride is eventually his undoing, in one particularly morbid scene.

3. Hector Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, 2003): "So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?"

Another Pirates of the Caribbean villain? Come on! But this one is totally justified, because Barbossa is one of the downright coolest villains in recent memory. His mutiny was what started him on his downfall, and Barbossa came to regret it soon after. Selling off nearly a thousand pieces of cursed Aztec gold turned him into an undead pirate captain. He became immortal, but in exchange he couldn't feel, and couldn't satisfy thirst or hunger. Hector is generally unpleasant, dishonest, and prefers shooting first and then opting not to ask questions at all. While the reason behind his brutal quest isn't an inherently bad one--just to go back to being a mortal pillager again--Hector's delight in violence and the fact that he looks for fights around every corner make him every bit the villain as the final two on the list.

2. Jafar (Aladdin, 1992): "How many times do I have to kill you, boy!?"

Jafar is easily one of the most memorable Disney villains, and it's not hard to see why. Grand viszier to the sultan of Agrabah, the man is consumed by his lust for power, even going so far as to wish for ultimate power from a genie--a wish that's shortly granted, against the will of his servant. Jafar has it all: the cool voice, a wise-cracking pet parrot, and an awesome cape--not to mention the awesome hypno-cane that's shaped like a cobra. Jafar is the man, and although his plans eventually fail, he briefly rules all of Agrabah and has the lovely princess Jasmine at his side, for--well, use your imagination.

1. Scar (The Lion King, 1994): "Well, as far as brains go, I got the lion's share. But, when it comes to brute strength, I'm afraid I'm at the shallow end of the gene pool."

Scar is a parallel to Claudius, from William Shakespeare's Hamlet; he doesn't like the fact that he's not the king, so he plots to kill his brother and his nephew to free up some space. And he does it all while manipulating an army of savage hyenas and droning out some remarks, loaded with dry wit. Scar is brilliant, condescending, manipulative, and heartless. Despite his lack of strength, Scar gets his way through everyone else around him while still managing to appear absolutely terrifying. Not only is Scar the best Disney villain in recent memory, but he's also one of the best villains of all time.

So, I haven't been all that social around here, and I've said next to nothing about myself, so I figured I'd go on about some random things in case anyone was actually curious. Not that I figure many people think to themselves: "Man, I wonder what makes that ScionofEntropy guy tick! He sure is an enigma, that one. If only I could get into his head..." That would be weird. Very weird.

But anyway, I guess my point is that, I see these "oh man, here's some random stuff about me I bet you guys didn't know!" things all the time, and it got me thinking. I said to myself: "Self, you should do one of these, just to get it out of your system. Maybe only this once, but definitely do it. You might even not hate it." So, here I am, rambling on about why I did this while anyone who's actually reading is thinking, "Get to the poin, man." But I like dragging things out needlessly for the sake of it looking as if I'm actually saying something here. That's the fun of it. Anyway, the stuff this is all about is listed below:

-My favorite bands are Soundgarden, Alter Bridge, Queens of the Stone Age, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mute Math, The Wallflowers, and The Pillows; pretty much in that order.

-It is my firm belief that The Sandlot is one of the greatest films ever made. I also enjoy a good action film; it doesn't have to actually be good, but if it keeps me entertained, I'm content. I also believe that Hey Arnold! is the undisputed greatest cartoon series ever made.

-I'm majoring in Journalism (magazine, specifically); some already know about this, because I've mentioned it here and there.

-Science fiction is my favorite genre in just about everything. (Please, don't tell me to read Neuromancer. I plan to, but I haven't gotten to it yet.)

-My favorite authors are Stephen King (Dark Tower, The Stand), David Wong (John Dies at the End), Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide), Ted Dekker (Circle Trilogy, Lost Books), and Orson Scott Card (Ender series).

-Cult hit games tend to attract me like flies to... something that attracts flies. (Beyond Good & Evil, Shadow of the Colossus, No More Heroes; weird things that critics generally like but usually end up being commercial failures--though I haven't played Psychonauts).

-Small children tend to cry when placed too close to me. I was also once called a "stove" by a little boy for no particular reason.

-I have a soft spot for kittens.

Well, my first semester at KSU went all right for only having one textbook, but I can't see myself going textbook-less again this next semester (although a lot of classes don't necessitate them anyway, so hopefully I'll only have to buy a couple). It looks like my lineup is more or less settled upon, and although I can't remember most of the dates, I'll get an e-mail about that at some point or other. Here's what I've got:

-American Politics: This is probably as easy as it sounds (and easy as I've heard). Basically, they say that, as long as you have rudimentary knowledge of what's happened in the past several years and have even an inkling of how our country was formed, you'll pass easily. Yay for freebies!

-Media Writing: Now this is kind of an enigma to me, but I figure it'll make more sense in the near future. I wasn't sure how they could make a class about media writing last fifteen weeks, and I still don't wuite know, but I imagine I'll be doing a lot of writing (gee, I wonder why...).

-Photography Basics: I apparently need this. You're free to draw your own conclusions as to what goes on in this class.

-Videography Basics: (See: Photography Basics)

-Principles of Microeconomics: Okay, this is just ridiculous, but it's apparently easy and necessary. I, uh, took a business math class once to fill space on my schedule, so maybe that'll help. (Also took Logic once...) I doubt it, but I've never taken an Econ course, so I'm not sure about what to expect here.

Like so many of us, I've succumbed to the whim of the masses (about eight of my friends) and bought World of Warcraft. Like a lot of us, I often find it hard not to play the game, but if anything, I find that it cuts into my time with other games more than anything else. I still finish my homework on time and go to class like a good little college student.

1-58 Paladin (PVP):

Yeah, this is pretty cool. Paladin was the second class I picked up, but I enjoy it the most so far. PVP can get really hectic, but I do all right when I feel like fighting. Paladins have a lot of interesting skills, especially Retribution--besides hitting hard and healing, they also have a lot of interesting spells that deal with hitting your opponents back when you're struck. Of course, mages seem to have a bit of an edge over Paladins, which is for the best, since there aren't a lot of classes I can take on and have a good shot at winning. Seems like Paladins are at their best when fighting multiple undead enemies at or slightly above their level.

1-29 Rogue (PVE):

Definitely different, and they can't really handle more than two enemies at once in versus environments, so it can be tricky to play one right, especially when you're in a minidungeon with several enemies at or above your own level. Fortunately, they have a lot of means of escape, from stealth (which requires you to be outside of combat, though you can also use a Vanish skill to hide even when in combat, allowing for a quick escape in a pinch) and sprint, which allows you to make a mad dash to safety, usually escaping adversity. These guys don't have a ton of survivability, and classes wearing heavy armor can usually easily have their way with rogues.

1-16 Warrior (PVP):

Obviously, I haven't had as much experience here, but the gyst of it is this: Warriors aren't a horrible class, but a lack of escape methods at lower levels and little means to fight multiple enemies can make them tricky, unless you're in a party. It's wise to level First Aid (extra profession anyone can have that allows you to use some effective healing abilities outside combat) as you level your warrior, since you'll often find yourself low on health after a couple fights, unless you can get in a stun and leave your enemies open a while. It's not that leveling at low levels is hard; just that it can be tricky on your own. Fortunately, Thunderclap (slows your enemies and increases time between their attacks, while also dealing moderate damage) is immensely helpful at these low levels, as well as skills like Charge and Bloodrage build up your Rage (lets you use special warrior-specific moves) fairly quickly.

1-11 Shaman (PVP):

Good lord, I suck. I know nothing about this. But totems are neat, and weapon augment spells make physical combat much more bearable. This is actually sort of a fun class, and I plan on leveling this one a bit more seriouly down the road.

Chat Elitists:

You'll meet a lot of these, and they have a habit of saying some really stupid things. For example: "You do realize a bunch of 46 could easily take down a level 70, even one in really good PVP gear?" A lot of you (unless you play) probably don't get it, but that idea is just... I can't even tell you how laughable it is. Five levels can make all the difference in a fight, but 24? Even with nine other guys, somebody with 24 levels on you can handily kill you in one shot, and if they have an area-of-effect move, kiss your butt good-bye. But anyway, my initial point: even if you do make a valid point on one of these elitists, the general response is "Noobs should stop QQing" or "Welcome to PVP, you die." The latter is a "that's life" sort of thing and generally helps you get over your nerd rage, but the former is essentially "Crap, I've got nothing left. Time for my trump card!" and really shows a lack of a convincing argument more than anything.

Trade Chat:

Dear God, avoid it. Leave it. It's the worst thing in the world, at least in MMOs.

Bottom Line:

So, I've ranted about all this stuff, but what does it mean? Do I like WoW? All told, it's an okay game. Whether or not it's deserving of the heaps of praise it gets, I can't really say, because most seem to agree that "the real fun is in the endgame content."

Honestly, it seems decent, but it all comes down to how much time you have to blow and how much money you're willing to spend. WoW isn't a bad game, but it's definitely not for everyone either. There's an immense amount of variety in the content--when it feels like having one. Quests, a lot of the time, are incredibly repetitive, and this will drive a lot of people away. PVP may also drive a lot of people away, since bored players at max level will find you, and they will kill you for fun. It just happens. A lot.

I can't wholeheartedly recommend WoW, and even if I were in the endgame content, I know this would be the case. Again, this game is not for everyone, for a couple reasons. First, and most important, you probably don't have a ton of time, unless you're on vacation or unemployed; if you have some other stuff you need to worry about (school, work, relationships, life in general), you should probably avoid WoW, and play it sparingly if you get it. Second, the fantasy thing drives a lot of people away; if you're not a fan of the fantasy genre in any way, WoW isn't going to change that, and you're not doing yourself a huge favor by playing it. Finally, WoW is costly, but it offers a lot of bang for your buck; in this case, it's just a matter of deciding if the monthly fee is worth the price to you.

The Verdict:

I enjoy WoW a bit, and it's definitely the best MMO I've played so far, but it can be tiresome, often boring and repetitive. The overall fun factor makes up for it adequately, and I'd probably give it a 7.5/10 so far.

Portal references aside, this is a post to assure anyone who watches my contributions that I am still out here, and that more activity is coming soon. Said activity includes five new reviews (including The Force Unleashed, Grand Theft Auto IV, and Super Mario Sunshine) and maybe a blog post or two if I feel like it.

...

Rock on with your bad selves.

I saw this one night while watching The Colbert Report (some of you may know that it's one of my favorite television programs), and as the guest they had talking about it said, it's a "no-brainer." Three thousand people in Africa die every day from malaria, and it takes $10 to supply a mosquito net for someone over there.

It's a good cause. I hope you guys (anyone, honestly) will check this out:

http://www.nothingbutnets.org/

This amusing tidbit was sent to me via e-mail by a friend. I hope someone else enjoys it as much as I do, but given that politics is such a touchy subject with most people, I'm not sure about that. Anyway, enjoy:

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* If you grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you're a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack, you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* If you name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* If you graduate from Harvard law School, you are unstable.
* If you attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system, while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

Been a while since I've dragged myself through the toil and drudgery of posting a blog (just kidding, I occasionally enjoy doing this), but I have things to go on about.

First off, I recently read the online novel cult hit "John Dies at the End," and I feel compelled to rant. Simply put, this book is awesome. Author David Wong's style is reminiscent of Stephen King's matter-of-fact style and demented imagery, as well as Douglas Adams's sarcastic, dry sense of humor, and the two characteristics combine into a great package.

The book itself follows the author surrogate David, and his exploits as a sort of paranormal investigator. He and his friend John were exposed to a strange chemical that gives them enhanced senses and allows them to see and hear things that no one else can. The two are shortly thereafter drawn into the plot of a being from another plane to dominate the world. It sounds fairly standard, but believe me, the novel is filled with a lot of great twists and several that are downright disturbing. Anyone fond of paranormal/mystery or science fiction and horror should definitely check this one out. The best part? It's free to read online at: www.johndiesattheend.com

What do you want for nothing?

I've been playing Grand Theft Auto IV lately, and I've actually so far been sort of underwhelmed with it. It's a good game, don't take me wrong, but it's been hitting some off-notes with me.

First off, I'd like to address the driving; this was one of the things I loved most about previous entries in the series, and I would steal a car just to drive it all over and crash it to watch it explode. This was, to put it mildly, a heck of a lot of fun for me. Especially in San Andreas, where there was a lot more to do, and more to see. A lack of space doesn't detract from the experience quite as much as I make it sound, and considering IV is the second largest of the games, it's actually not so bad. The inherent problem is that the driving has now seemingly become needlessly complex. Use of the handbrake is fine, considering I used the brakes quite a bit in San Andreas anyway, but it seems like it's become a crutch now for virtually any driving situation. Not all cars can stop on a dime, to be sure, but the braking with some of these vehicles is very sluggish. One thing I do like a bit more about the driving now is that steering has been noticeably improved; vehicles are more responsive now, and once you're used to it, there's a lot less swerving going on than in previous games. I also like that escaping from cops has been made a little more technical, with the addition of a radar indicator to point out positions of cops and patrol cars. Before, it seemed a bit more about luck than anything.

It's a good game, though. The combat has been mostly improved, despite that hand-to-hand fighting seems to have gotten dumbed down from San Andreas. Shooting is much better now, although the cover system has its slip-ups. Hanging around with people and going on dates is better than in San Andreas, with the addition of scenes between Niko and the women you take out, as well as some fun little side games like billiards to mix things up.

I picked up Metroid Prime a few months back and only recently had the courage to play it. I was pleasantly surprised with the controls and how well they work, especially considering I was concerned about how a FPS would work without dual-sticks. The action is great, and the fighting is pretty intense; the bosses are mostly pretty challenging (with only the later ones inducing any real frustration). I like the save station deal, but it seems like Prime could also stand to have a checkpoint here and there for when you're first going through a tough area. Usually, you're okay, but in some of the later parts, you can run into a spot of trouble here and there.

Graphically, Metroid Prime looks great even by today's standards. Apart from a few minor blemishes in texturing and a couple jagged edges here and there, it's a really nice-looking game with a lot of cool effects and filters.

(Gee, guess what two games I'll be reviewing sometime.)

I turned 20 about a week ago and am now living on campus at KSU in Ohio. My major is journalism and I plan on eventually rocking some face once I get into the industry by writing reviews for games, hopefully doing interviews and coverage on events like E3 and TGS. I've got a lot of work ahead of me, and I'll need to get some experience under my belt, but it'll be a great experience once I get going.

About a year ago, while living in Pittsburgh, I received a $50 gift card to Macy's from a friend. Not one to pass up the use of such things, I located the nearest Macy's in the city and went there after school. Over the course of my shopping spree (which was short-lived), I purchased a Claude Monet calendar, The Alchemist, The Stand, a Sauron bookmark (complete with a flaming eye bead on the tassel), and a t-shirt that is too small, despite its being my size.

Moving on, I should say that my purchases are of little to no relevance to this story. The most significant occurrence actually took place before I found anything to buy, on the second floor. I had stopped for a moment beside one of those glassware displays, on which plastic foods are often placed to enhance the appearance of the merchandise, when an old woman walked up beside me and stared at the display "food" for a few moments.

"Now, it's not that interesting," I thought to myself as she gazed at it for what must have been the better part of a minute. Then, something quite unexpected happened: she reached for one of the display cookies and snatched it up, taking a bite out of it and walking away. All I could muster was an awed stare for several moments as I stood there, dumbstruck.

After the initial shock wore off, the problem of the inevitable fit of laughter ensued, and I could already feel it building in my stomach. I quickly turned and darted for the nearest escalator, which was conveniently located not ten feet from where I stood. Halfway up, I could contain myself no longer, and immediately burst into a fit of hysterical laughter, nearly losing my balance. Around two minutes later, I managed to regain my composure.

Later, after having all but forgotten the events at the glassware display, I was making my way back to the first floor to return to my apartment and I saw that nearly half of the cookies were gone, and the woman was still hovering around the display. I stifled a laugh and shuffled past, eyes cast to the ground.

I love old people, sometimes.