That's right, the leader of The 100% Nintendo DS Union can finally see. And it's all because I finally upgraded my DS phat 'n ugly to a DS Lite 'n sexy... 'n can-actually-be-seen-in-the-sunlight! Woo!

I also picked up Planet Puzzle League (a Wi-Fi game)while I was at it. I used to be a monster at it, and I'm still pretty good. Any challengers?

Well, not a "nightmare", exactly, so much as a royal pain in the ass. A buddy of mine from work tells me, yesterday, that it's been 27 days since I last logged onto XBOX Live. That makes today my 28th day, and unless the UPS website is playing a mean trick on me, my $500 XBOX is still in another state, presumably being repaired.

Nearly a month later, I'd damn near rather get a full refund than get my XBOX back. How do you recommend a 360 to someone? Seriously. This is just stupid.

Maybe this will turn me into a not-so-hardcore gamer. Couldn't be that bad. You know... might even make Nintendo like me again.

**** the critics.

In the few short days this film has been in the box office, movie critics - the bona fide buffs and the amateur wannabes alike - have slandered Transformers as a cheesy, run-and-gun, dispensible summer action flick; one that folks are just as well to avoid as to watch. Complaints run the gamut, from the subjective accusation that the film is overly patriotic thanks to director Michael Bay's alleged zeal for America, to the needless observation that the giant-robots-from-space plot doesn't make any sense. What an eye-opener...

The naked truth is that any moviegoer with a shred of sense can understand how and why the United States military is a cornerstone of the movie - at least in the beginning. When giant, transforming robots armed to the teeth with .50 caliber ammunition, missiles, electronic countermeasures equipment, and loads of seriously sharp metal spikes make a battlefield of downtown LA, who's supposed to respond, the police? If you've got what it takes to understand that little, then chances are you've got what it takes to forgive the story for being thin. This is Transformers, after all.

At this point, this review is more patriotic than the movie ever even began to be. It simply used the most logical entity to help resolve the catastrophic occurences within it. Additionally, it handled the inherent handicap of the impossible existence of the Transformers by mostly ignoring it. Instead it emphasized humor, providing more hearty laughs-out-loud than many recent comedies, and as much beefy action as can fit in a movie without making it completely over-the-top.

The only significant failure of Transformers as a film was akin to one of the most prominent problems with Spider-Man 3. That is, it simply tried to go in too many directions at once. The problem got a little worse during the action sequences, restricting their ability to mesmerize. During the climactic battle, one mini-crisis arose before the previous one was resolved, leaving to wonder what, exactly, should be the area of focus. This, in turn, gave no option but to just let it go and soak in the action, thereby rendering much of the buildup irrelevant.

The many paths the film took also prevented the characters - namely the Autobots, and more specifically Optimus Prime - from getting ample screen time in which to develop. Ending with a resolution to the main US Air Force troop's hackneyed "return to home", the inevitable love connection between the geeky teenager and his super-hot female compatriot, it was nigh-impossible to even pretend to care by the end of it all. The high-point of the finale was the inspirational monologue delivered by Optimus Prime, though regrettably, that moment was better than most of his battle sequences.

Moviegoers expected a lot from this film - action, character development, a brilliant story arch, fine acting, and most importantly, authenticity. In the end, Michael Bay and company did a commendable job of swirling those elements together and staying true enough to the core of the saga to satisfy. The fifteen or so bucks it costs to go see Transformers is money well spent for those who can dig a mix of genuine hilarity and explosive action. The people in the theater gleefully proclaiming, "that movie kicked ass!" as the credits rolled think so, and if you have what it takes to just kick back and enjoy a movie, you will too.

IMs can get a little unruly, so I switched a couple comments around so they'd make sense, and deleted some "choice words". Anyway, here's a typical rundown of the very important, profound, influential conversations Austin and I have. I thought it was funny, anyway.

ShenlongBo: You on?
MrCHUP0N: nope
MrCHUP0N: i am imaginination
ShenlongBo: Damn.
ShenlongBo: IM me when you get on.
MrCHUP0N: ok
MrCHUP0N: later!
MrCHUP0N: lol
ShenlongBo: Oh you tricked me!
MrCHUP0N: whut up homey
ShenlongBo: Dude, I'm probably going to break a Wii remote.
MrCHUP0N: lol
MrCHUP0N: for whies
ShenlongBo: Monkey Ball
MrCHUP0N: oh
MrCHUP0N: oh...
MrCHUP0N: that'll do it :/
ShenlongBo: Evil, evil little game.
MrCHUP0N: man see, i haven't even played the main game
MrCHUP0N: i just tried the minigames
MrCHUP0N: and
MrCHUP0N: oh man were they horrid
MrCHUP0N: try monkey golf
MrCHUP0N: you will probably indeed break the remote
ShenlongBo: Some of them are cool.
ShenlongBo: The homerun derby ain't bad - better than Wii Sports, imo.
ShenlongBo: And the little shooter thing is dope!
MrCHUP0N: homerun derby is ok
MrCHUP0N: the shooter thing is serviceable
MrCHUP0N: it's the one thing i did like
MrCHUP0N: but golf? oh my god
MrCHUP0N: golf..
MrCHUP0N: golf.
ShenlongBo:[The little shooter game]no**** reinvigorated my hopes for Prime3
MrCHUP0N: golf!
MrCHUP0N: golf!!!
ShenlongBo: Bowling was a***** too.
MrCHUP0N: i don't think i tried that
ShenlongBo: Most of the games suck, but the couple that are good make it all okay, imo.
ShenlongBo: But dude... I just beat the boss for World 5... oh my ****ing..... *head explodes*
MrCHUP0N: in ball?
MrCHUP0N: there are bosses?
ShenlongBo: There are bosses.
ShenlongBo: And the camera... is on their side.
MrCHUP0N: but
MrCHUP0N: i
MrCHUP0N: monkey
MrCHUP0N: remote
MrCHUP0N: ball
MrCHUP0N: crap game
MrCHUP0N: explode head
ShenlongBo: :lol:
ShenlongBo: No, the game's pretty good, man, if you don't mind getting your eyesockets drilled in by the difficulty.
MrCHUP0N: i see
MrCHUP0N: kinda like bill laimbeer's combat basketball
MrCHUP0N: an awesome game as long as you like terrible toilet-bowl-grade games
MrCHUP0N: lol
ShenlongBo: And the difficulty slope is way off. Doesn't matter too much, though, since you can go about the levels in whatever order you like.
ShenlongBo: Anyway, yeah, I almost can't play it around the kids, because it makes me cuss.
ShenlongBo: makes me.
ShenlongBo: Earlier, while watching me play, Adam said, "I hope Daddy wins. He says bad words when he doesn't win."
MrCHUP0N: LOL bad words
MrCHUP0N: tsk tsk!
ShenlongBo: I'll have an aneurism if I don't cuss.
ShenlongBo: I threw my hat at the TV, as well as a squishy ball.
ShenlongBo: ...this is why the Wii remote has a lanyard.
ShenlongBo: Not because of "accidental" throws.
MrCHUP0N: he said squishy ball
ShenlongBo: Oh no... it's cuz Monkey Ball.
MrCHUP0N: right
MrCHUP0N: i actually tested how sturdy it is
MrCHUP0N: by flinging my hand at the hotel bed
MrCHUP0N: thinking "people are just really [not all that smart]. it can't be that flimsy."
MrCHUP0N: and the little strap broke.
ShenlongBo: Youch, lol.
MrCHUP0N: and then i thought, "ok whatever people are still [less smartful than theyawt to be]. myself included."
ShenlongBo: There you have it, :P
MrCHUP0N: rawfulz
ShenlongBo: This game gets ri-goddamn-diculous starting at World 4.
ShenlongBo: LEVEL 4 of W4, that is.
ShenlongBo: I'm going to beat this game though, dammit.
ShenlongBo: Oh, and the worst part is the way the happy monkey music in the background just tweedles along while you cuss like an old sailor.
ShenlongBo: bee de dededee deeee, bebedede boop boooo
ShenlongBo: F-WOOOOOOORRRD!
MrCHUP0N: oh god
MrCHUP0N: lol

See there? That's deep.

So I really like going as fast as I can through the levels of New Super Mario Bros. on DS, and I decided to log the times for my favorite levels in my blog here. As soon as GameSpot's uploader starts working again, I'll post vids for each of these levels, and try to duplicate the times. I'll also add more levels when my five-year-old relinquishes the house DS.

Alright, I have my first video up, and before anyone mentions it, yes - it's very blurry. Please forgive. I'm using an 8.1MP regular camera that happens to have a limited video option, not a real camcorder. There is a way to make it more bearable, though. The trick is, before you watch, hold your breath and cross your eyes as hard as you can until your head hurts. When you're in a reasonably large amount of pain, breathe again and uncross your eyes. The video will still be extremely blurry, but hey, at least you won't have a headache anymore. Think positive.

For more speed run vids from more users, head over to the official thread on the DS Union's board.

W1-1: 372
W1-2: 363
W1-3: 370
W1-4: 373
W1-5: 357?
W1-Castle: 550

W2-A: 245
W2-3: 438

W3-3: 446
W3-B: 342

W6-4:

W8-8: 372

Anybody else like doing this? Anyone interested in trying? It's fun! I promise! Give it a shot, yeah? Here are the rules I go by:

1- Must start level as small Mario or small Luigi.
2- May use items that naturally occur on the level being run. No pink "flying" box, touch screen, or hammer bro items allowed.
3- Times are not valid when starting from mid-level checkpoints.
4- Run times based on time remaining on in-game timer once the level is completed and the timer stops.
5- May use any path available on a level to achieve best time.
6- No code-altering devices, such as GameShark, allowed.

"Manhunt 2 was created for mature audiences and we strongly believe it should receive an M (Mature) rating, aligning it with similar content created in other forms of media. We are exploring our options with regard to the rating of Manhunt 2."

-a Take-Two representative, regarding the recent"initial" AO rating assigned to Manhunt 2 by the ESRB. Source - GameSpot

What, precisely, does it mean for a person to qualify as M for mature, but not be adult enough for AO? Perhaps I'm just not looking at this maturely. Or no, maybe I'm looking at it maturely, but not in an adult fashion. Or neither. Or no wait, maybe both two times at once...

Wait... what?

I just finished having my Street Fighter Anniversary Collection arcade stick modded so I can play it on my 360. Look out, Third Strike.

Less than a week later, my XBOX dies, and I find out I have to send it in. I was really enjoying the new Pac-Man, too.

The options for modern consoles suck. More on that later.

I need two, because I have two equally important things to say.  Nothing major, just some shameless plugs for stuff that's cool.  Ahem...

My new pet: The 100 Percent Nintendo DS Union. I am now da rula!

Today, MrCHUP0N stepped down as the leader of The 100% Nintendo DS Union and passed the torch to me.  He also recognized DidiCardoso, an unsung talent here on GameSpot, as the union's lead officer.  I hope every one of you who has any interest at all in the DS will come check us out.  If you don't, then fine. I hope Sub-Zero rips your spines out instead. *slams fist*

We've got some great people, cool features, plus more awesomeness to come.  If you want to come on board as a member, the door is wiide open (WII SUBLIMIANL OH NOES!) We've also got officer positions available, so if you're interested in that, inquire within.

Circus animals: MrCHUP0N and The Trigames Crew present: Tricast #46, and something I bet you didn't know about ducks.

MrC also gave me the distinguished misfortune... I mean honor... of being a guest on the Trigames.net Podcast, episode 46.  At first, he, Tony, Al, and I pretended to want to talk seriously about gaming news and interests, but we just made a mockery of everything instead.  Ever heard the term "virtual rape"?  I'm serious.  Al found a story on Kotaku about it, and it became one of the running jokes of the episode.  Every one of us made our own knee-slapper with it.  Not Ethan, though... he showed up late.  Something about fire or something... and Godzilla... *shrug* I don't know, at least he arrived in time to enlighten us with a fascinating, weird, "why-the-hell-do-you-know-that-you-psycho" piece of trivia about ducks.

Anyway, if you don't already know, the Trigames crew are some hilarious, knowledgeable, potty-mouthed em-effers, and every episode is worth downloading.  Check out their latest episode, with distinguished unfortunate sap, GameSpot's very own, Alex Navarro.  Just know this before going in: the Trigames podcast crew say bad words, and other things you might take offense to.  It's totally worth it, though.

Just thought I'd share for those who haven't seen it yet.  I crack up every time I see it.

Check out these "immature little boys" playing the Pokemon Trading
Card Game at the 2000 Super Trainer Showdown in New Jersey (15+).
Haha, yeah.  Look at their baby mustaches.

'Kay seriously, I used to really like the Pokemon TCG - it's quite a bit deeper and more entertaining than it might seem, in spite of the kid-appeal.  This is pretty shocking, though.  Where on earth do adults play Pokemon?  I'm pretty sure I don't even know any person, age be damned, who still plays it.  Weird.

Well apparently, the TCG is thriving still, as I discovered when I went and checked out one of my old stomping grounds, Pojo.com.  They're still analyzing single cards, full decks... just like it was years ago when I was still hanging around.  Only difference now is that many of them look like daddies and uncles.  Check out how involved they get with this stuff (feel free to just skim over it.  I don't really expect anyone to read it in detail):

Absol EX
Power Keepers
Date Reviewed: 03.16.07

Ratings & Reviews Summary
Unlimited: 1.75
Modified: 3.67
Limited: 2.75

Ratings are based on a 1 to 5 scale.
1 being the worst.  3 ... average.  5 is the highest rating.

And now for a full-fledged card review from one of their contributors who goes by the presumed alias of Otaku:

Name: Absol ex
Set: EX Power Keepers
Card#: 92/108
Rarity: Pokémon-ex
Pokémon-ex Rule: When Pokémon-ex has been Knocked Out, your opponent takes 2 Prize cards.
Type: Darkness
Stage: Basic
HP: 100
Weakness: Fighting
Resistance: Psychic
Retreat: (C)
Poké-Power: Cursed Eyes
Once during your turn, when you play Absol ex from your hand onto your Bench, you may move 3 damage counters from 1 of your opponent's Pokémon to another of his or her Pokémon.

Attack: (DC) Psychic Pulse [30]
Does 10 damage to each of your opponent's Benched Pokémon that has any damage counters on it. (Don't apply Weakness or Resistance for Benched Pokémon.)

Attributes: Absol ex is a Basic Pokémon-ex.  This means it needs to be roughly twice as useful as a normal Basic Pokémon to offset its double Prize penalty, inability to make use of certain cards, and vulnerability to anti-Pokémon-ex cards.  Basic Pokémon are nice because they are easier to fit into a deck, and a Basic Pokémon-ex is often on par with a normal Stage 1 Pokémon.  In this case, Absol ex has 100 HP, which is the third best you can get for a Basic Pokémon (ex or otherwise), but still above the practical minimum (though not by much).  Still, this should let it survive at least one hit that doesn't match it Weakness.

Fighting Weakness is not happy for Pokémon-ex.  As stated, while I don't know exactly what Type or Types will come out on top after States, I do know we got back the Overzealous version of Machamp in EX Power Keepers.  That means that with a Double Rainbow Energy, Machamp could hammer Absol ex for 120 points of damage thanks to the Weakness!  On the bright side, Absol ex does have a Resistance, Psychic.  Any Resistance is welcome, so even though I don't know the post-states metagame, we know this is at least "nice" and could be "great".  Finally, it has a nice, affordable Retreat Cost of one Energy, which is rarely going to be an issue.

Abilities: Cursed Eyes basically makes Absol ex into a Trainer.  When it's played from hand, you can move three damage counters (all if there are less than three) from one of your opponent's Pokémon to another.  This is almost as good as an "extra attack" in the right deck.

Psychic Pulse is an alright attack.  It is a tad underwhelming on a Pokémon-ex, but the Poké-Power might be good enough to warrant it.  Either the Power can set up for the attack or the attack can set up for another use of Cursed Eyes (either via recycling the same Absol ex or playing a second.

Uses and Combinations: As stated, think of this largely as a searchable but potentially costly Trainer.  I saw it used with a lot of Bench damaging Pokémon, including Jolteon ex to get a decent amount of damage in play without ever attacking (the deck did attack it scored some KOs just via this).  Just remember that as a Pokémon-ex, to retrieve it from play you must work a bit harder to recycle it without giving up a lot of Prizes.  Super Scoop Up works, though it only on heads, as does Holon Farmer after using Giant Stump to discard it from your full or nearly full Bench.

Ratings

Unlimited: 3/5 - I think it might actually be worth it here.  If an opponent pulls a miracle survival with a Focus Band, and you'll KO them this turn anyway even after removing 3 damage counters from them, risk it: you have normal Scoop Up to effortlessly retrieve it for future use, Baby Pokémon and Pokémon Flute to ensure its generating KOs.

Modified: 3.5/5 - Not as easy to abuse in general, its still pretty handy even as TecH: think of all those "almost got them" moments when something retreats and survives.  Now, without even burning an attack, you can finish them: remember, it's not like most Pokémon are precisely KO'd (you can "heal" the Defending Pokémon but not enough for it to survive the next attack).

Limited: 4/5 - This is even without Darkness Energy, folks.  Though it's horrid if you have to open with it and then just retreat it to avoid it being KO'd, if you don't start with it you can hopefully save it for that final, surprise, KO.

Summary
Absol ex is a card that keeps becoming more and more intriguing.  Its ability to take what would have resulted in excess damage and put it somewhere useful might make it a key piece of TecH for many decks, and even a focus for a select few.

-Otaku

Kinda bizarre, ain't it?  As a fan of the video game, and a formerly avid player, I understand how and why adults would get involved with this.  Still, this is pretty surprising, even to me.  Oh well, more power to 'em.  And I guess more power to Nintendo, GameFreak, Wizards of the Coast, and whomever else might be involved with producing this game.  They've given the "gotta catch 'em all" slogan a whole new meaning.

Which reminds me... I need to hurry up and come up with a brilliant idea to make lots of money fast.  Anyone want to give me a dollar?