Worthwhile Reviews: Perfect Dark Zero | X360 | ~$13.33 | Used

Let me say right off the bat that I didn't play Perfect Dark on the N64. I actually own it (bought it new for $10 years ago), but just couldn't ever be bothered to plug in my N64 to play it. I heard it was really good, but in the time before dual-analog, I'd usually turn to my PC for FPS's. Also, to this day I hear people mention how great another N64 game by the same developer (Rare), Banjo-Kazooie is, while I personally thought it was slightly better than terrible. Very slightly.

The buzz I heard about Perfect Dark Zero (PD0) was that it was an example how far Rare had fallen since their glory days on the N64. Since I didn't even think they made good games then, it was only the incredibly cheap Collector's Edition (and paucity of games for my shiny new 360) that made me give it a whirl.

Given my low expectations, I was somewhat pleasently surprised. There's definately a stealth theme going on here, and I've always had a fascination with the Tenchu games, where you may crouch behind the same cover for five minutes, watching patrol patterns and waiting for the right moment to strike. PD0 has some moments that scratch the same itch--you'll find yourself slowly crawling through underbrush until you get a good position, locking on your silencer, scoping in, and dropping guards with a quick succession of headshots. Hearing the silenced squeak of the single bullet leaving your gun's muzzle, then seeing the first guard drop and tapping the others before they can react to it is really satisfying in that Tenchu stealth-kill kind of way.

Cover is a big mechanic in PD0--when you get close to a wall or other solid object, you can crouch behind it or put your back against it and the camera will switch to 3rd-person, allowing you to aim past the cover. When you get your sights lined up, hitting the trigger will have you lean out from cover and fire, ducking back when you stop firing. Some of the best moments in the game are running towards enemy fire, slamming your back to as intervening wall, and taking out anybody who tries to approach your position. Leaning out, scoring a headshot or two, then ducking back, ignoring the bullets hitting the corner inches away from you to calmly reload, then popping out again to drop some more enemies is really pretty engaging.

PD0 has a range of weapons--various pistols, semi-autos, sniper rifles, grenades, and close combat weapons. To unlock a weapon for future play you have to not only find it in a level (which makes sense) but hold onto it until the end of the level. This is a bit irritating when you're trying to unlock the less-useful weapons and have to give up something better, but at least it's entirely optional. I found that the Shotgun and one of the SMGs (the DW-P5) were the most fun and really the only weapons you need in the game. With the DW-P5's ability to zoom and use a silencer, you have long and medium range covered, and the shotgun will destroy anybody closer than that.

The single-player campaign in PD0 is competent, with a pulp sci-fi storyline and very capable voice work. If you spend too much time trying to figure out what to do, your support tech will literally draw a path from your feet to your destination, so you won't be frustrated by trying to figure out where to go next. You'll be doing a lot of the same things over and over again in the game, but level design and situations vary enough that it doesn't feel dull. Multiplayer was not tested, since everybody else got tired of this game over a year ago.

The collector's edition package includes an attractive full-color embossed metal case with slipcover, a bonus DVD I honestly didn't bother watching, and a mini-comic I didn't bother reading.

Was it worth it? Yeah, it was worth playing through, and I'm a sucker for a metal case. One could easily get their fill of this game in a rental, but if you're going to pay nearly the same money to rent or to own, why not pick it up?

Worthwhile Reviews: Ninety-Nine Nights | X360 | $24.99 | New

This was the first game I ever played on the XBOX 360, at a friend's house, and when I saw the number of characters on-screen at once I was impressed. When I saw one of the screen-clearing Orb Spark attacks, I was even more impressed. With my recent purchase of a 360, I finally had the opportunity to explore this game in more detail and picked it up with my console.

Ninety-Nine Nights (N3) is a hack 'n slash game in the Dynasty Warriors vein where you'll mash the attack buttons through entire armies of enemies, often felling several with each swing. Stages can be repeated to gain experience and to achieve better ranks, and characters learn new attacks and combos as they gain experience. A handful of upgraded weapons and other items for each character can be found hidden on levels or awarded for acheiving specific ranks.

There are 7 characters in N3, although some of the characters you unlock later get shafted on the number of stages available to them. You'll begin the game as Inphyy, A goblin-hating young warrior whose breasts command the Temple Knights. She's a good all-around character with some nice combo attacks and decent speed. Aspharr is her adopted brother (with whom she has the most uncomfortably charged sibling relationship since Luke and Leia) and is also a well-rounded character. Myifee the mercenary has a decent number of stages and attacks, but somehow manages not to be all that fun to play. Well, except for his Orb Attack, which is so devestating that it can't not be fun.

Dvingvatt the goblin is actually on the other side of the conflict from the other characters, and in playing him you're supposed to see that there are two sides to every conflict, and that nothing is as black-and-white as it seems. Whatever. That's not why I play a game like this--I play a game like this to cut through opposing armies like I'm harvesting grain. Dvingvatt is incredibly fast (while the other characters are rather plodding), but other than that he's not very interesting.

Next up are Klarran and Tyrryu, a priest and a witch repectively. These two have less stages to play than the other characters, and their play mechanics try some new things. Klarran can't jump but has great combos, weilding what appears to be a church steeple, and was one of my favorite characters to play. Tyrryu differs completely from the others by having no melee attacks at all. Instead, she uses her magical control of water to damage enemies, from blasts out of her palm to an impressive Orb Spark that drowns everything out to the horizon.

The last character is hidden until you complete the game with everyone else, and isn't all that interesting anyway. His attacks aren't bad, but he gets only 2 stages, meaning a lot of repetition to level up.

Although N3 does a good job of keeping a lot (and I mean a LOT) of characters moving on-screen at once, the frame-rate does dip when there's a lot of chaos, and especially during an Orb attack or Spark. There's also a lot of little glitches and rough spots, which is understandable for a launch game, but no less irritating. Cut-scenes are annoying because they can cut off the Orb Attack/Spark you just initiated, and enemies often get free hits on you before you regain control from the cut-scene. You also have to be extremely careful with some Orb Spark attacks--face even slightly the wrong direction and the gauge you spent the whole level filling will empty on the side of a mountain instead of on your enemies.

Was it worth my $25? Yes, although its not exactly going to go in my top 5 games of all-time list or anything, N3 was an enjoyable introduction to the current generation of gaming. A gaming pop-tart that's quick and easy to enjoy, but not something you'd want to make a staple out of.

I've seen a lot of different review scales for games out there, from approve/disapprove to scores out of 100 (or 10.0). My problem with most scales is that they are reflective of the launch window and of launch prices. Since my own general gaming strategy is to wait until a game drops in price, my viewpoint on a game's merit is sometimes different than the release-day purchaser.

For my Worthwhile Reviews series, I'll be boiling the matter down to one simple question: was the game fun enough for the price I paid? I'm not going to score them and I'm not going to try to approach it as clinically as one should for a scored review. I'm just going to give you my impressions and tell you if I felt satisfied with the deal I got.

That's it. Simple, huh?



Oh, I almost forgot... since these aren't scored reviews, they aren't going to be in the Reader Reviews section. I'll be tagging each entry with "worthwhile", though, so people can at least find a list of reviews in this series that way. Keep in mind also that most of the games I'm reviewing are old and I'm the last person on the planet that hasn't played them, so I doubt there's going to be a widespread problems with people looking for these reviews.

Well, that last entry certainly seemed to get some attention. Most of the respondents seemed to miss the fact that I wasn't calling for an end to Achievement Points, only better implementation, but at least it got people talking, right? Anyway, I've packed my editorial pen away for a while so I can throw out some quick thoughts and introduce a new feature.

I've never considered myself a graphics whore, but playing several 360 games and then deciding to try Bully really made how ugly that game is stand out. I had to skip the later bikes and stick with the slower ones, because the frame rate and camera tracking are so bad at higher speeds that I began to feel nauseous.

I then moved on to a game that was at one point known for its graphics: Doom III. I got as far as one of the Alpha labs, and I'm having a really hard time finding the interest to continue. People complain about Halo's environments looking the same, but Doom III's alcove-ridden industrial hallways make them seem like the winning entrants of a Completely Dissimilar contest. OK, so that didn't make much sense, but I basically mean that Doom III's maps are incredibly tedious. I honestly don't know if I'll finish playing through this one.

As a diversion from the tedium of Mars City, I opened my copy of DOA4. Wow, the game is pretty! All the seismic activity that goes on for ten minutes after one of the characters make a sudden movement--like a blink--is hypnotic. The stages are detailed and in some cases quite elaborate. The gameplay, however, feels terrible to me. True, I've never taken the time to get a good handle on any of the DOA games, but it doesn't look like this is going to be an exception. To me the game (what admittedly little I experienced, at least) seemed basically like that hand-slapping game that tests reaction time with a truckload of cheesecake dumped on it. Maybe I'll try this one again sometime and see if I can get into it.

As for the feature, its an idea I've been toying with for a while now, of reviewing a game based solely on whether I feel ripped off or not for buying it. The next entry will serve as an introduction to the series, and has to be a separate entry so that I can link it in each of the reviews so people will be able to tell what the review criteria are. Stay tuned!

Since finally taking the plunge last month and buying a 360, I've spent quite a bit of time checking out what the current generation brings to the table. In particular, I was curious to see if my perspective on Achievement Points changed at all once I was confronted with them. Many people indicated that it would, that once I unlocked one or two I would become hooked on them, compelled to drive my Gamerscore ever higher, no more able to resist than Icarus flying ever closer to the sun.

I have to say that almost immediately after I started playing, I felt a little pull towards the Achievements. What were they for this game? What would it take to start racking them up? This is exactly what 360 owners had been telling me would happen, and that it would end with me renting College Broom Ball '08 and Barbie Horse Adventures Sigma just to briefly assuage my pointlust.

The thing is, the little pull remained little. As it stands now, I could very quickly and easily add to my Gamerscore with the games I've already played, but just don't see (if you'll excuse the pun) the point. Very briefly, points mattered. They could get you something, be useful. But outside of contests like that, Gamerscore is just a number. Seeing a huge number next to my name on XBOX.com means no more to me than just writing "Pete: six hundred bajillion zillion" on a piece of paper would.

Like much of what MS has brought to the table with the 360 (DLC, microtransactions,etc), Achievements aren't a bad idea in and of themselves. Its the way they're being implemented that robs them of purpose. Having extra challenges to test yourself on after you've tried all the ones built into the game itself is fine--it prolongs the life of the product. But I primarily see Achievements being used two ways by developers, and neither of them is, in my book, a good use.

1.The trophy for showing up.

These are Achievements unlocked by doing nothing special beyond loading the game. You played the first level? You get points! You successfully pressed the jump botton? Everybody gets a gold star! These Achievements (wow, you managed to get the disk in the tray!) rob the idea (and the word) of meaning. Something can't be all that valuable if its handed out free, can it? If I buy a game, chances are that I'm going to play the first level even without being given a cookie for doing it. This type of Achievement also suggests a profound lack of imagination on the developer's part--not a good sign for the game itself.

2. The second job.

This type of Achievement is something that very few people would ever do or care to do in-game, were it not for the fact that there was an Achievement attached to it. They're metaachievements--Achievements that are only about Achievements, and nobody would jump through the hoops required if they couldn't increase the little number next to their name. This isn't an extra challenge, its a chore, and the only payoff is increasing that little number. There's only three reasons I can think of that someone would spend several hours methodically running over 53,000+ zombies in the maintenence tunnels in Dead Rising: they want the Achievement, they want the unlockable weapon (like me), or they just really hate zombies. If you hate zombies, running them over is its own reward--fun. If you're after the weapon, you get the Real Mega Buster to enhance your subsequent playthroughs--fun! If you're after the points, you get... points. Not fun, not something you can trade for something fun, just points*.

Now, I recognize that just because I don't find any inherent value in unlocking Achievements doesn't mean that others can't. Perhaps to others, that little popup telling you you've earned an Achievement is a big old kick in the pants, but to me its just a popup. I don't derive any entertainment from seeing it--I derive my entertainment from the game I'm playing. Giving me Achievements for things like playing the first level of a game is like clapping at someone when they come out of the bathroom--it's not like they weren't going to do their business anyway, and attempting to "reward" them for it is just embarassing. Conversely, expecting me to spend time doing something inherently unfun for abstract compensation (money may be as abstract a thing as Gamerscore in that it doesn't do anything for you by itself, but at least money can be used to get things that benefit you) sounds suspiciously like work, and I consider my worktime to be worth reward considerably greater than empty applause.

It's a fine line to walk, between handing out Achievements like candy on Halloween and making them onerous chores to be suffered through. If Achievements are to be used properly, they have to be something to work at, but not something you're working at just for the Achievement. I'm fine with Achievements for finishing a game, maybe one for each difficulty level. If you find all the hidden keys/coins/golden sporks/whatever in a game instead of just the 70% you need to get to the end of a game, that could be an Achievement. If you beat Boss X without taking a hit, or only using a weak weapon, that could be one. Those are all things you're going to be doing anyway in the course of playing the game, but if you do it exceptionally well or with a handicap, you get recognition for it, if you like that kind of thing.

As long as Achievements are handed out for basic gameplay or are so annoying to get that only the dedicated point-enthusiast will bother unlocking them, and as long as there's no contest like the Old Spice Challenge running, I can't help but find Achievements to be... well, pointless.

(I had to use Zombie Genocide as an example here because it's the only Achievement I've unlocked that I wouldn't have done through normal gameplay. Dead Rising has in-game unlockables for several Achievements, which is why I did Zombie Genocide in the first place. I'm sure there are better examples to be had, with no extra reward for tedious Achievements, but give me a break--I've only had my 360 for a month)

Imagine being trapped in a shopping mall with a numberless horde of zombies bent on eating your brains. Suppose that all you have to fight them off with is whatever you can find on-hand. Now suppose that there are other humans trapped in the mall and that the only way they'll survive is if you fight your way to them and lead them back to safety.

I'm sure by halfway through the first sentence you guessed that I was talking about Dead Rising. The premise of the game got my attention immediately, but I've only recently got the hardware necessary to play the game. So far, I have to say that I find some things about it very frustrating indeed.

I get that the survivors scattered around the mall are terrified-sometimes injured-and that its the player's responsibility to keep them safe on the way back, I do. I can even dismiss the piss-poor AI of the survivors as simulating their confusion and panic. But why, by Odin's eyepatch, does their health drop if I'm not with them even when I leave them somewhere safe? I should be able to lead survivors to the Flexin' Gym and save, then leave them there while I go make more survivor pickups or hunt for weapons and food. I should be able, in a pinch, to drop some survivors off in a store, barricade them in to keep them safe, and strike out on my own. I should be able to leave one wounded survivor in a safe place temporarily while I carry another wounded survivor back to the Security Room.

I think game developers are the only ones that haven't gotten the idea by now that escort missions just aren't fun. This game could have broken that convention if only it wasn't so arbitrary and punitive, because carrying a woman with a sprained ankle through ravening mobs of the undead, setting her down only to lay into a group thats right in the way is tense and compelling, and at its best, its actually fun. Its just the ridiculous save system and the inflexibility of survivor-herding (say what you want about the difficulty of herding cats, but at least cats are smart enough not to walk directly into huge crowds of revenants) that cause frustration. Spending 20 minutes trying to get a group of these slackwits back to safety only to have one of them decide to run straight for the biggest group of zombies around and get killed is annoying as all heck.

So the question is, if its that annoying at those moments, why do I keep going back to the game and trying again? Well, I have to admit that there's something very compelling about the situation. I may find the people I'm rescuing to be annoying, useless sacks of zombie chow, but I still want to save them. Something clicks in and makes it almost impossible to resist trying to collect these hapless schmucks and get them out of harms way.

I actually tried to justify it to myself at first by saying I just wanted to save these people to cut down on potential zombie reinforcements, despite the facts that zombies infinitely respawn and that it would be much easier just to let them become zombies and then kill them than to get them to safety. When it comes right down to it, though, the real reason I keep going back to the game and keep trying to save the others despite themselves is simply because I can't NOT go back and try to save them.

I have no idea how I'd handle a situation like Dead Rising in real life. Maybe I'd be paralyzed with fear like survivor Aaron, and just let zombies walk up and eat me if someone wasn't constantly fending them off and pushing me along. I can't imagine that, though... I think my panic would be so adrenaline-charged that I'd have no problem moving or trying to attack zombies that came near me. I'm not saying I'd be strolling casually around the mall trying to get my shopping done despite the zombie infestation (although they can't be much worse than holiday crowds of humans at the Mall of America), but I think I'd be more spastically active than paralyzed.

So would I leave a safe room to brave the concourses of the dead and rescue others? Of course I like to think I would, but can anyone really know how they'll act in a crisis until they're in one? If I managed to force myself out there once, and actually brought back a survivor or two, would I be able to do it again? Would I consider my part done, and let someone else worry about rescuing any other stranded survivors? I know that if I did I'd never be able to forgive myself, but would I be able to force myself back out there again and again?

As a lover of science fiction, premise means a lot to me. If the central idea is something that sparks my imagination, I can forgive some clumsy dialog or plot progression in a sci-fi story, and likewise, I find the premise of Dead Rising interesting enough to play despite the poor survivor mechanics and the what-were-they-thinking save system. I found the question "what would you do in Frank's place?" to be interesting enough that when I was leading a couple of lame survivors back to safety, leapfrogging from one quasi-safe abandoned store to another, carrying one of them at a time, I let a main plot Case expire, ending any chance I have at progressing the main story, because I was too invested with the survivors to leave them or load an earlier game.

To be honest, I'm not even that sad to see the main plot dry up. Aside from a few zombie-bashing sessions to blow off steam, I'm playing this first time through as I would as if I were really there. I try as hard as I can to find my way to people and lead them back to safety, and have to make a lot of hard decisions along the way. This is what attracted me to the game in the first place, not Homeland Security agents or the mysterious old professors holed up in bookstores. What I've seen of the main storyline so far seems out of place anyway, and kind of... clumsy, like in the RE series.

Capcom should realize that they don't have to cram a conspiracy into every game--the introduction of Umbrella in the 2nd half of the original RE ruined any interest I had in the story, because it was unnecessary, hackneyed, and detracted from the spooky, zombie-filled mansion that was going so well up until then. If you look at the world of film (which is undisputedly the leader in all things zombie), a huge majority of the best cases don't have elaborate plots--they just have terror, gore, and oodles of zombies. When in doubt, Capcom, just remember this simple truth: sometimes zombies are enough.

Hey, how's it going? Have a good weekend? Oh... with a spoon, you say? That's too bad. My weekend? Well, I thought you'd never ask!

My birthday fell in the middle of last week, so I spent the weekend celebrating it. A friend of mine and I have played through each of the Resident Evil games since the original, and we finished Separate Ways on the PS2 version of RE4 on Friday. Now I just have to do a run through the main story to get the million pesetas for the Chicago Typewriter before next time he comes over, and we can play super revenge mode.

On Saturday my brother and niece came over and gave me an awesome TARDIS USB hub. If you're a sci-fi nerd like me that grew up watching Doctor Who and Star Trek, a USB hub that not only looks like the TARDIS, but actually makes the dematerialization noise when you unplug a device is pretty damn cool. He also gave me a Thermos that could be used to smash rock (should the need arise) to protect my precious, precious coffee on the way to work.

On Sunday I bought my XBOX 360 Elite. Despite Archie Gates' wise advice to buy at Costco for their superior return policy, I couldn't resist the QUADRUPLE Reward Zone points I managed to rack up at Best Buy. I still had $35 in RZ certificates from the purchase of my TV a few months ago, but the total still made me wince a little. I picked up Ninty-Nine Nights (shut up, its good mindless fun) and Burnout Revenge to start with, a charge and play kit, and a 4000 MS-point card (I got $5 off by buying them in card form). I also got the 2-year replacement plan for the Elite, which is incidentally $20 more than the plan for the Premium. I'm not going to get into the whole debacle of 360 reliability, though, because thats a big old buzzkill.

Baroque was along, and being the awesome guy he is, got me Lego Star Wars II for my birthday. Having piled all this into my trunk, I proceeded to ignore it for most of the rest of the day. Baroque and I had an awesome dinner at Khan's (which is always awesome), then tried out the co-op on The Red Star. The co-op is so good that we couldn't put it down, and actually played further through the game than I had been in single player. There's a very few instances when you get in each other's way during the shooter bosses, but most of the time its even better than single player. The Red Star just keeps getting better and better.

When I finally got home, I unpacked the Elite and couldn't resist hooking it up. I actually redid all the wiring behind my entertainment center yesterday, and finally got to use that HDMI port on my TV. The Elite itself is sharp-looking, like something you'd see in the Death Star's rec room. I got signed up for my Gamertag, but some jerk was already using Shifty Pete, and some other jerk was using ShiftyPete, so I got stuck with Shifty Pete 1.

I also received the RAZR I ordered this weekend, to use when I want a pocket-sized phone. I got the MDA pretty recently, and its really neat with the slide-out thumbboard and the wi-fi browsing and all. Its also big and clunky, and I use the PDA and web-browsing features very, very infrequently. The RAZR may be practically a cliche by now, but it fits easily into a pocket, so I'll be switching my SIM into it whenever I don't want to lug the MDA around. I've been a very good little consumer all around lately, replacing my horrible Sleep-D-Prive matress with a Tempurpedic and my cheap Best Buy gaming chair with something better.

As if I didn't have enough competition for my free time with all this gaming goodness, I also received James Burke's Connections series on DVD, which I've been wanting for ages. This is history presented in a way that you don't have to be a history buff to enjoy it, and more educators should copy its sty.le.

Now, what to play first...

 

Warning: this journal entry has absolutely nothing to do with video games whatsoever. It is not cleverly worded and does not make humorous pop-culture references. That's nothing new for my journal, but what is new is that this time I wasn't even trying to be funny or relevant. You may want to leave now and just come back next time for more of my attempts at being entertaining.

Every day, each of us negotiates a series of contracts. There are the overt kind, like the employment contract between individuals and their employers, between lenders and mortgage holders, and then there are the implied contracts that are just as important and binding.

When you sit down in a restaurant, you are voluntarily entering an agreement that you will be served food and drink, after which you will pay the bill. More than that, you're entering an unspoken social contract with the server. They will act as your liaison to the kitchen, be attentive and accommodating, while you will be respectful and appreciative of their efforts.

Unfortunately, some people don't understand the social contracts that form our society. We've all known (or been on the receiving end of) bad tippers, rude customers, and other who don't understand the balance involved in social contracts. The worst contract of all to take lightly, though, is the one between humans and domestic animals.

For a very long time, human animals and nonhuman animals have allied themselves because our skills and personalities compliment each other. Dogs fit especially well with people, and its with dogs that I most often see the contract break down. You see, when a person makes the decision to join forces with an animal, its not like the purchase of a new coat... something to be shown off and then thrown into a closet and forgotten as soon as fashion or the weather changes. Choosing to share your life with an animal should be taken as seriously as getting married (actually, more seriously than most people take that) or adopting a child.

I bring all this up because I recently found out that a cousin of mine got a puppy and completely stopped paying attention to his older dog (Gus), because Gus wasn't cute anymore now that he'd grown up. Gus is actually pretty lucky, since most dogs in his position wind up in a shelter, then dead. My uncle has at least taken over Gus' care, so he's better off than many dogs that have "outgrown their cuteness."

I find the idea of seeing a living thing as a possession... as an accessory to be so appalling that I actually begin to choke if I try to verbalize it. Dogs understand the contract instinctively (and so should we, but we disregard instinct as lesser knowledge), and in return for food, shelter, and companionship, they'll give you their heart without reserve. It doesn't even take much... I've seen dogs barely alive on the scraps of affection they're shown that wouldn't hesitate for a second to step between their human and any danger that might confront them.

Our part of the contract is pretty simple... care for and protect the animal in the ways we can, just like they care for and protect us in the ways they can. We can make sure that Fido always has food and water, a place to sleep and most importantly, we can return their love. Just like adopting a child, adopting a dog adds a permanent responsibility to your life. If your child needed surgery, would you tell the doctor to give him a lethal injection instead, because it was too expensive?

Humans have lost much of our empathy, you see... drown it out by calling it primitive and unscientific. We can commit acts of disregard and carelessness on epic scales, and often not even notice. That's how we can look at animals as merely nonstationary property, because we can't empathize with them. We can't understand that they feel hunger, pain, loneliness and despair as well as humans, and don't enjoy it any more than we do. Because they can't tell us in our own words what they feel, we assume they don't feel anything at all.

Dogs, on the other hand, are great empathizers. They don't neeed to know why you're happy; they just get happy right along with you. If you're sad, they know it and usually won't leave your side, will even press against you as if to try to soak some of your sadness into themselves, share your burden.

Douglas Adams wrote this of dolphins: "Man has always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much...the wheel, New York, wars and so on...while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man...for precisely the same reason." Now look at ourselves and dogs, at who just naturally understands the nature of the relationship between our species and who uncaringly treats the other as property, and tell me: which ones are the dumb beasts again?

Yar, there's many tales of that elusive beast... Many have sought it and come to rue its name. I have me own story of it, o' course, if ye'd like to hear. Bring me a drink to warm me old bones and I'll tell ye of my adventures seeking the beast.

I first heard of it from a mate o' mine who'd already been trapped by its deadly lure. I might've left at the moment he mentioned it to me (and by tar sometimes I wish I had!), just shrugged off his obsession and gone about me own business, never giving the matter another thought. But I didn't. No, I allowed him to spin that web of intrigue about me, pull me into the mystery. I let him show me the demo.

I cursed under me breath when I saw the thing in action... half beat-'em-up, half shooter, and all mean. What unhoy series of events had given birth to this monstrosity, I don't know; what ancient and insane god could have breathed life into such a freak, I could not imagine. From that moment, the beast owned each fevered breath I took, wrapped the diseased tentacles of obsession around me heart until I was its creature as much as was me mate.

I followed rumors o' the beast, determined that I would become its master in the end, or die trying like so many before me. There was sightings o' it, but ye can never be too sure o' those until ye've checked on 'em fer yerself. I chased word of it fer what seemed like an eternity, though it couldn't 'ave been more than a few months in truth. I met up with fellow chasers Buy.com, which allowed me a preorder at only $12.99. I did it--ordered fer me and fer the poor bastard that passed the curse on to me, but I laughed at the idea that it'd be that easy to land the beast.

Still, I have to hand it to the crew at Buy.com. They were as persistent as I were, and they kept me appraised o' their own quest fer the beast. They came close a few times-closer than I had, even-and let me know that they were still after the beast, but their timetable had slipped a bit. In truth, I began to despair a bit of ever seeing more than that accursed demo that drew me in in the first place.

But when I get home on Saturday, I find that old Buy.com's sent me a cardboard chest, unlabelled. I opens the chest thinking it be some kind o'confession that they'd finally admitted defeat and stopped chasing the beast. Instead, I finds what I least suspected... there in the chest, starin' out at me, was The Red Star itself. Right there in me hands, the two copies I'd preordered with Buy.com, as if it were just any other game instead o' the snarlin', wily beast I'd been trackin' all this time. I could scarce believe it... that Buy.com crew must be the toughest bunch since the Argo sailed after the Gold Fleece!

But true it were, and I had the proof of it in me own hands! I even played through the first couple o' levels, to make sure the disc weren't blank or filled with Madden or porn (or, worse than anything else, Madden porn), and found its complely genuine. Aye, after riding the brink of cancellation fer months, having the publisher go bankrupt, and countless delays, The Red Star finally came out. And it's gooood!

 

 

Level 1 gameplay video:

[video=cHZlwmSv5b4OvTfa]

 

 

Level 2 gameplay video:

[video=JHxikTKt5b4OvjHZ]

I don't talk much about music for various reasons. I have a tin ear, for one thing, and just can't appreciate the nuance of what I'm hearing. If you've ever been having a really meaty conversation about a character's motives and conflicts in a movie, say, and someone pipes up with "I liked his car... it went fast," you know how much I have to add to musical discussions. I've also got tastes so eclectic that even I don't really understand them. My entries lately have been pretty heavy, though, and I've got some things to mention, so here we are, with a music entry.

Despite growing up during the peak of its popularity, I never got into Heavy Metal. Part of it is that I found the whole faster-louder-harder-more thing Metal has going a little overwhelming, but mostly I think it's the vocals. There are three vocal techniques that jangle my nerves almost instantly: the Growl, the Break, and the Shriek. The Break is one of the reasons I'd rather remove my ears with a cheese grater than listen to most Country/Western music (Johnny Cash is a special case because... well, it's Johnny Cash. Anyway, he doesn't do the Break). Metal doesn't use the Break much that I know of, but my god are the Growl and Shriek overused! Because I disliked most of what I heard incidentally, I never really explored the genre. Like Country and Rap, I assume there is some good stuff out there, but I've never been willing to go searching through all the bad to find it. Until recently.

I have a friend, Paul, who is a very accomplished musician with broad interests and a particular affection for Metal. One day he decided that something must be done about my ignorance, and handed me two CD's by a band he'd mentioned to me before: Dragonforce. He'd brought them up before, mentioned the video game influences he heard in their music, their technical ability. What I'd heard playing while over at his place was OK, if kind of loud and fast like most Metal. When I got home I popped in Sonic Firestorm, and about 5 seconds in, my concerns melted. This was the first time I "got" Metal.

They play fast and loud, yeah, and like to show of how technically skilled they are by doing ridiculously fast, precise guitar work, but it all comes together as a sense of energy rather than showboating. The sense of energy is so pronounced, in fact, that I may have to stop listening to them while driving, because I find myself having to supress the urge to smash other cars off the road, screaming "out of the way @^&%ers, I've gotta go fight the boss!"

Yeah, these guys are gamers. You can tell.

Importantly for me, the lead singer has a good voice, and though the way he sings is recognizably Metal, I enjoy it. He flirts with the Shriek sometimes, but tastefully, and stays right the heck away from the Growl, which suits me just fine. Unfortunately, Dragonforce is an unusual group, without a lot of directly comparable bands. Still, it's sparked me to take a second look at Metal and to go looking for music in general.

With Paul to advise, I went rummaging at my local music store and came out with a stack of CD's. I've barely started in on that stack, and it's already proved worth every penny just for introducing me to Los Straitjackets.

There's almost no chance I ever would have tried these guys on my own... I know you're not supposed to judge by covers, but guys dressed in Mexican wrestler masks make me think of some kind of hard/alterna-rock band that I wouldn't dig. When I mentioned that I wanted some good surf-rock, though, and there was no Dick Dale to be found, Paul led me to Los Straitjackets.

I bought two of their CD's: Supersonic Guitars in 3D (with 3D art and glasses included!), and Sing Along With Los Straitjackets. Supersonic is an instrumental album and is more consistently good than Sing Along, I think, but a couple of tracks off Sing Along (13 tracks of various guests doing vocals) are really good, and the whole album exudes an infectious sense of musicians just having a good time together that's difficult not to enjoy.

Speaking of Paul, he's busily preparing his own 2nd album, and I was privileged to get to hear several of the tracks early. Last weekend he got a few people together for a sneak... er, listen to most of the tracks. Its going to be tough to say until I have both albums and can listen to them back-to-back, but I think this is going to be even better than his first CD, which itself is 12 kinds of awesome.

That CD, What Do You Play? is a disc that immediately grabs your attention by the lapels, pushes it into a chair, and tells it to get comfortable, because its going to be there for a while. Just try to listen to A Son's Retribution on What Do You Play? for instance, without a glint of steely resolve finding its way into your eye. Go ahead, I dare you.

I don't want to give anything on the new album away, because like I was, you should get to be surprised and wowed by each new track. I really don't think I need to say much more anyway, except that everyone that reads this should be ordering their copies of What Do You Play? now, and checking Paul's MP3.com page frequently for updates on the new album.

Contact Paul to order What Do You Play? at: pauls.musica.ficta@gmail.com