Sign of the Apocalypse #8: Jack Thompson Comes Close to Making Sense
No, really!  I was just as surprised as you are, but this proposal just doesn't measure up to his usual level of bat**** crazy.  He's bringing the regulation from the government level to the retailer level--right where it should be.  If a retailer follows the ESRB as if it were law, requiring parents/guardians to buy games rated older than the child, the problem is resolved.  If parents buy something restricted and are then shocked at seeing what they bought for little Jimmy, they've got no more room to complain than if they bought Jimmy cigarettes and then found out he was actually smoking them.

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Hurt: Wiimote Breaking its Bonds
In case you're new around here, I'm not entirely sold on the Wii's new controller.  Now the news is everywhere that the Wiimote's wrist strap isn't always strong enough to keep the controller from sailing across the room when it slips from gamers' hands, and there's only one possible way to point the blame: at the idiot gamers that are chucking their controllers around. 

I mean, come on... if you can't manage to hang on to the controller, you don't get to play.  It's that simple.  I think putting a hole in your TV because you got too spastic with your wiimote is a valuable lesson--don't try to exceed your limits.  If you can't manage to keep the wiimote in your hand, don't play.  Get one of those hand-exersizers instead.  If I were to severely overestimate my strength and try to bench press 600 pounds, I wouldn't then sue Weider for getting pinned--I'd call myself an idiot and move on.

We are the iBorg: Resistance is Futile; You Will be iSimmilated
Apple is entering the cell phone market with a splash of... you'll never guess... hype!  The company who's mission statement is "To always emphasize form over function, style over substance, to tell the public what they want, to overcharge them for it, and to tell them they want a new one 6 months later" has splashed onto the market with a slick, sexy product that probably makes calls or something.

No, I know--the iPhone has oodles of features and supposedly makes them all easy.  What I don't like is that if phone had come from anyone other than Apple it would be receiving practically no attention whatsoever.  And since I think the "revolutionary, intuitive" iPod contol wheel is a useless load (what's wrong with a hatswitch again?), and Apple just figured out that a mouse can have more than one button, I'm not expecting to love the iPhone interface.

Then there's the propriatarity of Apple products.  No 3rd party software on the iPhone, so you're stuck with whatever Apple tells you is the best software for any given function.  Like iTunes, which is so useless I immediately removed it from my PC after installing it.  Like Quicktime, that grainy and obnoxious media codec that I have also banished from my PC (thank you, Quicktime Alternative).  Like AAC, which keeps you from doing what you want with your music and sounds like propriatary ass.  People scream about Sony pushing Blu-Ray, but bend over and ask for more when Apple pushes its own products. 

Speaking of Sony, people claim the PS3 is too expensive for a multifunction set-top box.  How well do you think the iPhone will sell--at the same price as the PS3?  At least the PS3 should be current technology for a few years until the next wave of consoles.  The iPhone will probably be revised in a year and everyone will buy the new one.  It's a great way to avoid reliability concerns--just make sure everyone throws it away and buys a new one before anything can go wrong with it.  Somehow Apple has trained their customers to consider paying more for Apple's products than the competition's as a sign of elitism.  There's no reason anyone would use the stock iPod earbuds except to advertise that they spent too much for an mp3 player.

Everybody remember that Steve Jobs stabbed his friend and Apple co-creator Steve Wozniak in the back for a few grand.  Do you think he's going to hesitate to squeeze you until you're dry?

(Well, not 2006 different games, but games I played that were released in '06--it'd get way too long the other way)

Okay, first the disclaimers: I don't review games for a living.  That means, unfortunately, that I don't get paid to play and evaluate them, so I have to spend my time getting paid to do something less interesting.  I also have a small... whatchacallit... life, which also takes time from gaming.  I'm also a late adopter of most games and systems.  The upshot of all this is that I don't even come close to playing every good game that comes out each year.

There, all disclaimed; nice and legal.  Here we go:

Best New Character: Amaterasu, Okami (PS2)
Even without talking, I was surprised how much personality Ammy exuded.  Having Issun to react to helped, but so much was done with body language and expression that I shake my fist at the heavens once again that Clover was dissolved.  Especially if you like dogs and understand how they express mood, you'll really connect with Amaterasu, who manages to be seem both human and distinctively lupine at the same time.

Best New Franchise: Okami (PS2)
I don't really see a sequel coming for this game--both because Clover is no more and because it simply doesn't need one.  Still, Okami is a whole new property for 2006, and an incredibly well-presented one at that.  If I had to pick a franchise that will have further entries, I'd probably have to name Gears of War.  But I don't, so I pick Okami

Best Sound Effects: Burnout Revenge (360)
The sound effects were already awesome, but not awesome enough for Critereon, who completely redid them for this iteration of Revenge.  Hearing the squeal of tires, the rending of metal, and the desperate honking of civilian traffic on my 360-owning friend's 7.1 surround system is a transcendant experience.

Best Voice Acting: Gears of War (360)
John DiMaggio (Bender from Futurama) voices the main character, so it wins.  Of course, I didn't play a whole lot of games with voice acting this year, so may indeed have missed some good work elsewhere.  But... John DiMaggio.

Best Soundtrack: Okami (PS2)
Okami's amazing traditional Japanese music perfectly matches the gameplay and immerses you in the game.  A friend of mine bought the box set of music from Okami, and I may yet do the same--it would be the first game soundtrack I ever purchased.

Best Visuals (technical): Gears of War (360)
I can't deny that this is game looks really, really damn good.  The whole "destroyed beauty" thing is done perfectly--it's more than pretty, it's rubbliscious.

Best Visuals (artistic): Okami (PS2)
This game could use a little more power under the hood, but especially considering the geriatric hardware it runs on, it looks simply amazing.  I could take practically any frame of this game and proudly hang it on my wall as art.  I'm going to tell you a secret here (so keep it under your hat): every Christmas Eve I watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and every time I see the Grinch's heart grow 3 sizes (and he gets the strength of 10 Grinchs, plus 2) I mist up.  I bring this up not so you can use it to humiliate me later (that's just an added bonus), but because the animation of life returning to the land in Okami after the restoration of a Guardian Sapling has the same effect on me as the Grinch's heart busting the little x-ray window.

Best New Gameplay Mechanic: Celestial Brush, Okami (PS2)
Such an unusual idea, and so perfectly integrated into gameplay.  When I heard that you drew on the screen in this game, I really wasn't sure how well it would work, but I was delighted at how intuitive it is once you try it.  Plus it tapped nicely into my childhood fascination with Harold and the Purple Crayon.

Best Platform: PS2
The little machine that could.  Sure, the horsepower gap was pretty evident by '06, but like the short and slightly built friend that's the first to go in swinging when the table of rowdies starts throwing insults and peanuts, the PS2 didn't back down an inch.  Hosting great games like Okami and Bully (OK, I haven't actually played Bully, but I've heard good things) up until the end of it's life, the PS2 is a serious challenge to the SNES as my favorite console ever.

Best Game: Okami (PS2)
OK, I've already raved on and on about this game.  Okami has affected me so much that it sits in the company of Star Wars for media experiences--the original trilogy.  From someone who just last summer risked heat prostration to play the role of Various Jedi in a retirement tribute skit, that is praise indeed.

Most Played 2005 Game in 2006: Burnout Revenge (XBOX)
Lord, how I love this game.  It's now 2007 and I haven't even slowed down on it.  If I had a 360, that version of the game (technically a 2006 release) may have picked some more awards this year.

Best Surprise: Xyanide (XBOX)
A barely-noticed budget title, Xyanide turned out to be an awesome game.  Plays like Geometry Wars, looks a bit like Panzer Dragoon.  After all, if you're going to borrow from other games, why not borrow from the best?

Worst Surprise: Clover disbanded.  My rage still builds when I think about it.  I'll need to play some serious Burnout to vent my ire at this tragedy safely.

Worst Surprise That Wasn't Very Surprising: The Red Star delayed.  Again.  If this game actually gets released it might very well qualify as the Best Surprise of '07.

Finest Cheese: Sneak King (360)
I ate BK food for the first time in a very long while when picking up this game, and the consequences of doing so have given Sneak King a special meaning for me.  No matter where you are... working on a construction site, chatting with your neighbor in the driveway, you never know when suddenly you'll be ambushed by a bout of diarrhea.  Given that addition to an already hilariously cheesy game, there was really no other choice for this award.

Best Enemy Death Sprawl: Resistance Fall of Man (PS2)
Examining the interesting positions of the corpses can almost make you forget to keep progressing.

Most Chou Aniki moment in a non Chou Aniki game: The Gold and Silver boss fight in God Hand (PS2).
Hey, Sweetie!

Best Rubble: Gears of War (360)
Considering that I had to make up a new word to describe it, there's no competition.

Best Comic-Nerd Fanservice: Marvel Ultimate Alliance (various)
I didn't like how removed I felt from the action in the X-Men Legends games (like an RTS with heroes for units), but I hear MUA is more of a beat 'em up, a genre close to my heart.  The expansive roster of characters and cameos in MUA makes me twitch with anticipation.

This is staggeringly important, so I’m going to get right to it: The video games that our children play are a menace to the safety and moral fiber of our great nation.  You'll be shocked to hear that our teenagers aren't playing the nice video games that you assumed... the ones that star Barney the dinosaur (not that dinosaurs ever existed, because the Bible said that all that evolution business is a filthy lie) and teach sharing skills.  No, our teenage gamers are playing a game that teaches-no, TRAINS-them to be ruthless killing machines.

What?  You've heard all about Grand Theft Auto and are fashionably outraged about it?  Well I'm not talking about GTA.  Forget GTA... that's such a 2006 thing to wage a never-ending moral crusade about.  No, I'm talking about a WORSE game.  What could be worse than a game that teaches children how to kill police officers by running around them in circles and hoping the auto-aim points vaguely in their direction?  How about a game that teaches children to be TERRORISTS?

I know it's shocking, but I found one of these game tapes the other day called Burnout: Revenge of Evil Creek (which I think is some kind of drug reference) that rewards kids for driving recklessly.  If you drive on the wrong side of the road and do other dangerous things the game congratulates you and gives you "boost," which I think is some kind of drug reference.  You also get the boost by hitting cars going the same way you are (without even exchanging insurance information) and for making your opponents crash.  If their own cars crash, our poor unsuspecting progeny are encouraged to go into "impact time" (which I think is some kind of drug reference) and try to cause as much damage as possible with their last breath.

All that would be bad enough, but there's a mode of this game that is simply called "Crash" mode (possibly a drug reference... those kids keep changing them faster than I can keep up), which is nothing but a pure terrorist simulator.  You get behind the wheel of a car and launch yourself as fast as possible into traffic, trying to cause as much carnage as possible even after your car is disabled.  To do this you use a "crashbreaker" to make your car explode.  Yes, you read right: you drive into traffic and blow your car up.  Now, everybody knows that it’s a scientific fact that if you see something on TV you have no choice to do it yourself, so just think of what will happen when all these children get their driver's licenses!  All I can say is that it's a good thing that no adults play video games.

But wait--it gets even sicker!  After you've caused as much destruction as possible by ramming and exploding, the game wants you to revel in it.  It pans over the devastation and tots up the damage you caused, slowly turning you into a more and more efficient killing machine.  After you commit enough atrocities, your "Revenge Rank" (almost certainly a gang reference) goes up.  These ranks go from Harmless to Elite, reflecting how close to detonation these ticking-time-bomb children are to going off.

Well, I say no more!  Why can't games teach good American values?  If there's a driving game, why not teach kids constructive skills like driving with your knee so you can use your cell phone while you trim your nose hair in the rear-view mirror?  Or how to put yourself so deep in debt that you'll never get out so you can impress random strangers by driving a fancy car?  Instead, games are cramming our kids’ minds with things like "drifting," (which I think is some kind of drug reference) and "takedowns."

Well, everyone, we have to rise up and show those video game factories that we don't like this kind of filth in the hands of our children.  They need to get the message that they can't just release anything they want here in the Land of the Free!  No, old men and women that have absolutely no interest in playing video games should have to like a game before it gets released is what I say.  We have to set rigid limits on what's allowed in video games, because the alternative is actually paying attention to our kids and supervising how they spend their time, and we don't go in for that kind of thing in the America I know and love!

Well, it's done.  The next generation is upon us and the consoles are all off and running in the great market-share race.  Across the globe people are weighing choices, listing pros and cons, and investigating 2nd mortgages to help them make their decisions.  Cut through all that deliberation, though, through all the features comparisons, launch lineups and brand loyalty, and they're all asking themselves one simple question: what does Pete think?  Well, I'd hate to leave all those people up in the air, so I jotted down my updated impressions of the contestants.  The world can breathe easy.

Wii:  My only experience with the Wii was playing Wii sports for a while, so it would be precipitous to say that my predictions about the Wii were completely accurate.  I can say, though, that Wii Sports itself is exactly what I predecited for the console in general.  It's novel, kind of fun for a little bit, but was already wearing thin after a half-hour of play.

I am, surprisingly, much more open to the concept of the Wii than I was previously (I had an eye-opening experience with an unrelated controller that reimagines the gamer/game interface... more on that later), but I'm still concerned about the implementation.  For one thing, gesture commands need to be used correctly--which means sparingly.  The tracking technology in the wii controller is really nifty, so why do games ignore it and instead have you make gestural commands, which are in effect no different than button presses?  These gesture commands are fine if, like puns, used infrequently and with great care, but also like puns, they'll fall flat if used incorrectly. 

I hope that the abundant use of gesture commands are a learning-curve issue, and as developers grow more comfortable with the Wii, they will either really use the motion-tracking features well or just have the player press a button.  I'm concerned about how completely Nintendo has staked the Wii on the controller, though... at this point they really can't afford not to force as much use of motion-sensing as they can into Wii games, since they've declared that traditional controllers are dead for anything other than classic games.

Still, if they can strike the right balance with the controller, I might actually pick up a Wii.  This is a staggering statement if you consider my attitude towards the Wii even a month ago.  Still, and a lot of Nintendophiles will absolutely splutter at this, I think the Wii is overpriced.

PS3: I have little to say about the PS3, because I've had less playtime with it than with the Wii.  Every time I've spotted a PS3 display unit except for the one in the Sony Style store in some mall in Southern CA, it's been frozen.  Not encouraging.  Admittedly, those display kiosks could be better designed... they have the PS3 cramed down in a little, poorly ventilated box (the one under the glass is just for show), but that's something Sony might have thought about before they shipped them all across the country.

I at least got to get a closer look at the controller at those broken-down displays.  I'm very serious about my controllers, and unhesitatingly back the Dual Shock 1/2 as the finest first-party controllers (well, Neo-Geo's sticks are awesome, too, but you get the point) out there.  When I saw that they had kept the same basic design for the PS3, I breathed a sigh of relief, because there's little room to make the design any better (trust me, you do not want to get into the left-analog placement issue with me here).  However, I'm not wild about some of the tweaks they did make.

A while ago MAILER_DAEMON posted impressions of the sixaxis in the VU, and said that the triggers felt weird and the analog sticks were too loose.  I dismissed him as a Sony hater and put it out of my mind completely... until I held the sixaxis.  I have to admit that he was right.  The triggers feel weird, like Sony couldn't decide which way they should move.  When they're fully depressed they become flush with the housing, which could cause fingers to slip out of position.  However, despite the loose feel of the analog sticks and the weird motion of the triggers, I'm reserving final judgement for gameplay.  It could be that the controller will feel entirely natural in actual gameplay... Sony has done right by me before in the controller department.

Xbox 360:  I don't have a lot to say here.  Still a little thin on the killer titles, but that's not unusual for this point in a console's life.  Dead Rising rocked my resolve not to buy one before Halo 3 pretty hard, and when I saw Gears of War, I almost caved.  Only continued reliability concerns are keeping me from running out and buying one right now.  This will probably still be my first current-gen system, but probably not for a while yet.

While nowhere near as bad as my friend Baroque-Legacy's Transformers: The Movie disappointment, I've had a few instances of having my hopes built up and dashed recently.  The first was entering the latest in a string of hotels on this extended business trip to CA I'm on, and seeing A/V posts on the front of the TV.  Since I've been stuck in a few hotels where the TV's didn't have any inputs, I was excited to be able to relax after work with some gaming.  Until I plugged in my PS2 and actually tried it, that is.  Their stupid custom TV system had locked out the A/V ports, so I was able to plug my console in, just not play it.

Then there was the mom & pop pizza place I went to a few days ago, that had a Neo Geo cab (obviously a conversion) with Metal Slug in it.  It also had a completely messed-up button layout, making actual play nigh impossible.  Again, I was so close to quality gaming, but unable to partake.

The next night I was at Target picking up some Advil for my neck, which was locked about tight enough that someone could have broken a chair over me like they do in Westerns and it would have felt like a gentle tap.  Anytime I'm somewhere that carries games, I have to at least walk through the aisle, and I saw my first PS3 display there.  I ran up like an excited 4-year-old and grabbed the controller, only to find that the game was completely frozen, and the staff weren't very interested in fixing it.  *&^#!

As bad as all this was, the worst is still being 1500 miles closer to the best Thai food I've ever had than I am at home, but still 45 miles through LA traffic away.  Its even worse to be this close, but just barely too far, than it is to be at home pining for it.

After considering these factors, I can only assume that there is a global conspiracy of shadowy organizations with unlimited resources whose sole purpose is to *&^# with me.  The truth is out there, people!

Arrived at John Wayne airport (sooo much better than LAX): 12:00PM PST. 

Placed lunch order at Sweetee Thai: 1:40PM PST.

Seriously considered moving to Thailand: 1:53PM PST.

I know several people are playing Resident Evil 4 for the holiday, and I thought I'd offer the sketchy draft I started of a miser's guide to RE4.  I went through the game once trying to figure out the optimal way to handle each part... if I missed (wasted ammo), or took damage I'd restart from the last checkpoint until I got it right.

I was going to set it all down and put it on GameFaqs so that I could claim I was a "freelance journalist" at parties, but as a lot of bright ideas I have, it somehow managed not to happen very much.  I say "very much" because I did record the best route I found through a couple of areas later in the game that were where I happened to be playing through at the time I thought of writing a guide and before I got distracted by something shiny.  I also jotted down some general strategies, and since I doubt I'll ever really sit down and finish the guide, I'm sure as heck going to recycle those here!

Watch out... as spoiler-free as possible, but describes most of the basic enemies you'll face in the game.  No bosses, though.

General strategies:

Knifing is Free
For unarmed villiagers/monks in most situations, your knife should be sufficient.  Aim for the head and each hit should stagger them a little, and you can actually keep several enemies at bay at once like this.  Be careful of the rabid lunge they sometimes do, though, because they seem to be impervious to any kind of knockback from knife damage during this.  If they go into the full stagger animation, kick them down.  When they fall, from a kick or repeated knifestrokes, knife them like crazy, again aiming for the head if possible.  For the helmeted enemies, aim for the legs to make them fall, then go at the torso/legs.  Suplex when possible.

One Shot (and a lot of stabbing), One Drop
Enemies with weapons or in groups CAN be handled with the knife in some cases, but I indulge myself with 1 handgun round each.  Shoot the enemy (or lead enemy) in the head, then kick them down.  If they're advancing with their hands blocking their faces, shoot their kneecap out to drop them.  Once on the ground, knife them like crazy.  Shoot helmeted enemies in the knee, then suplex if possible and knife them on the ground.  If someone lobs a Scythe at you, one handgun round will knock it out of the air, leaving them unarmed.  In groups, shooting one enemy in the head to enable a kick can take down multiple opponents, and if they land near enough together, you can knife them all at once.  Budget one bullet for each enemy, then try to come in under par.

Ladders Are Your Friends
I don't know if it's the parasites infesting them, or if there's some inbreeding going on in that village (everybody does look an awful lot alike), but the enemies aren't very bright.  If you can get to the top of a ladder, they'll line up to climb up after you.  Stand at the top and swing your knife at them.  One hit will knock them down, and they'll take extra damage from the fall.  They'll keep climbing right back up for more, though, until they're all dead.  Just make sure that your position at the top of the ladder is secure.  You can also, of course, kick the ladders over on them, but then you have to wait for them to raise them back up again.  I just knife 'em.

I Don't Want Any *&^#$ Encyclopedias!
If you run though a normal door (not a reset point) and let it close after you, pursuing enemies will cluster outside it and try to hammer it open.  As soon as the door begins to shake, kick it open and you'll damage anybody standing right in front of it.  By the time they recover, the door has usually swung shut again, and you can keep repeating the process.  Be ready with a weapon (I recommend the shotgun, as there's usually a crowd out there) because if the crowd is large enough, the ones in the back won't get knocked over, and may make through the door.  You can either let them in and deal with them with the knife or blow them back and let the door close again.  If you're into pyrotechnics, you can also kick the door open and lob a grenade out (be careful not to get caught in the blast) to deal with a large crowd.

Fire Good!
Use the environment and even other enemies to your advantage.  Explosive barrels are often placed where they'll do you a lot of good, as are the oil lamps you can shoot to drop on enemies.  One handgun round to a stick of dynamite that an enemy is about to throw or has just thrown at you will detonate it, killing any enemies in the blast radius.  Try to make enemies throw explosives at other enemies before taking them out, and trick enemies into walking into tripwires or under catapult shots whenever possible.

Unarmed Ganados/Zealots
Knife 'em.  If you want to make it extra easy on yourself, give them a handgun round to the face first, then kick them down.  If you keep at them with the knife, they shouldn't be able to recover enough to attack again.  Be careful of their rush attack, though--if they start hissing, back up or plug them in the head with the handgun.  During their charge, they shrug off knife damage, but they don't run that far, and are vulnerable for a second after missing.

Pitchfork/knife Ganados
They're vulnerable after missing a swing, but it's generally easier to just give them a headshot and follow up with the knife.

Hatchet Ganados
These guys can store a lot of hatchets in their back pockets!  They never run out, in fact, so take these guys out quickly.  They have a pretty fast melee attack in addition to their range attack, so it's definitely worth setting them up with a headshot.  You find them skulking at the back of crowds a lot of times, lobbing hatchets while their friends keep you from getting at them.  Leon can knock hatchets, scythes, and even crossbow bolts out of the air so use a bullet if you need to--better that than having to use a healing item!

Torch Ganados
These guys are really easy.  If they try their overhand swing, which they wind up for really slowly, just walk backwards.  They'll miss you by a mile, and then be vulnerable to you dashing in an knifing them.  If they take a deep breath and prepare to blow fire at you, just hit them once and they'll set themselves on fire.  You'll never even need to use a gun on these guys.

Dynamite Ganados
Try to get these guys to take out some of their buddies, then wait for them to light a stick and shoot it in their hand.  It will explode and kill them and any other enemies that are nearby.

Flail Zealots
Contrary to what some other guides say, these guys are not carrying Maces.  A mace doesn't have a chain.  Anyway, their attack is pretty fast and has good range, so use the headshot/kick/knife method.  If they get back up still holding their flail, you may have to use a second bullet, but keep on them with the knife until the very last second, and they might go down before you need to.

Shield Zealots
One good shotgun blast should take out their shields, after which they become Flail Zealots.  Try to get as many shields as possible in one blast.

Scythe Zealots
Don't mess around with these guys.  They do vicious damage with range or melee attacks, and their scythes somehow home in on you when thrown.  That's fine, though--you actually want them to throw their scythes.  Once thrown, you can knock them out of the air or duck behind cover and deal with them like unarmed opponents.  They don't pull more scythes out of their back pockets like the Hatchet Ganados, and they won't pick them back up even if they walk right over them, so get them to throw away their weapons and they're a lot more manageable.

Crossbow Zealots 
These guys are wussies.  They may be really annoying at a distance, but if you get right up in their face, they'll try to run away.  Take cover until they've shot their two arrows, then run out and knife them while they reload.  They don't use melee attacks no matter how open you leave yourself.  If you can't get close, snipe them--it's worth the rifle round to get them off your back while you're fighting a horde of other enemies.  They aren't very tough, so you shouldn't even need to hit them in the head with your rifle--anywhere will do.

Helmet Zealots
You can't knife these guys in the head, so go for the hamstrings.  Keep at their legs, and they'll go down.  If they're armed, shoot their knees to drop them, then knife their torso.  Suplexing doesn't do much to them, and takes you some time to recover from, giving them time to get up.  Just keep at them with the knife instead.

Headbursters
If a parasite bursts out of any of these enemies, take it out quickly.  If you shoot it right away, one shotgun blast or even a handgun round can take it out before it become a real pain.

Novistadors
The first type you run into will be initially invisible and move very fast.  Scout ahead with your rifle zoom and snipe them when possible.  One headshot with the rifle should take them out.  The winged variety is easier--try to knock them out of the air for an instant kill.  For both types on the ground, the shotgun is your best bet.  If they get too close, you get an option to kick them back, but it goes by quickly.  The kick animation swings the camera around for a few seconds, too, which can throw you off.  Better to make sure your back is always clear and use the shotgun to blow them back when they get close.

Colmillos
I really hate these things.  The pistol won't get you very far with them, and you can't outrun them to find cover.  The best you can do is get your back to a wall, wait for them to lunge, and blast 'em with the shotgun.  Luckily they don't show up very often.

I love Halloween, but I have to admit that I usually just don't get it together in time to do a costume and really get into it.  The last time I really put any amount of effort into a costume at all was many years ago when I went as a Gumby, which I was afraid was too obscure.  Given the social circles I move in, though, I shouldn't have worried--I was recognized immediately.

This year, though, I started early.  During the planning for our OM reunion skit for our coach's retirement party, we needed a Palpatine/President Bush costume (yeah, I know it's almost too easy, but we were working on a deadline), and I bought a suitable black cloak even though I was playing Assorted Jedi instead of Emperor Bush--because I knew a good black cloak would always come in handy for Halloween.  Things almost got derailed by all this travelling I've done recently, though... but I managed to pick up the last few bits to make a serviceable, if generic costume based on a classic boss.

No scythe I'm afraid, because I'd get arrested for carrying a proper one, and the plastic ones are just... sad.  It will be an interesting choice of putting my glasses on inside the mask and fogging myself blind on each exhilation or just having things naturally blurry.

For something possibly more interesting, though, check the next entry, located directly above ^^

Well, I'm finally home (at least for a week), and still trying to get used to CDT again. There was some high drama in the social microcosm of my company on Thursday...I'll spare you all the details, but I got back to my room even more stressed than usual.  Everyone knows that the absolute best thing you can do when stressed-out is to add alcohol into the mix, so popped a Beck's.  About halfway through the bottle, I realized I hadn't eaten yet that day (unless a triple-shot mocha counts as breakfast), so I decided on one last order at Sweetee Thai before I went home.

Although all their food is good, I've liked the Hot Stuff Tofu the best so far.  A few bites and another Beck's later, my mood had changed considerably.  I felt very jovial indeed, so I grabbed my digital camera, switched it to video mode, and recorded a rambling three minute description of the food.  My reasons for doing so escape me at the moment, but I remember it seeming like a good idea at the time.

[video=dnBmkWT_5bgPujDZ]

I hate having my picture taken (notice I have as little of me in the frame as possible at all times), and don't care for the sound of my voice, either.  Still, I'm willing to humiliate myself once in a while for the amuesment of others... it keeps a person humble.  I probably won't leave this up long, but thought somebody might get a chuckle out of it... it's funny when someone else makes an ass out of themselves.

I accomplished very little on Saturday.  I slept late (hey, 2pm only felt like noon to me) and hung out with family.  I convinced my dubious parents to try Thai food, got all the orders for them, my brother and his wife (they didn't need convincing on Thai food) and ordered from my local go-to Thai place, Grand Thai.  While I was waiting for my order, I managed to cobble my broken glasses together with a twist-tie and a toothpick.  It wasn't pretty, but at least they stayed on my head.  We all met up at my brother's place, and the food went over very well with everyone.  I couldn't help missing Sweetee Thai a little, but Grand Thai is also excellent. 

The big thing was getting to spend some time with my neice, who's not quite a year old, and the all-time champion for both the cutest and best-behaved baby competitions.  Having her burbling and laughing as she was passed from one adult to another while the others chowed down was the ultimate in dinnertime entertainment. 

So Saturday down, I resolved to get down to business Sunday before my flight left at 5:15pm (Central).  This is why snooze buttons on alarm clocks are a bad idea.  When I finally dragged myself into consciousness, it was just after noon.  I called the place I'd gotten my glasses, explaining I just needed a new left temple to screw onto the hinge.  The woman on the phone reacted as if I'd asked for a new dilithium crystal for my warp reactor.  "We don't do welding," she explained.  After a futile attempt to explain that welding wouldn't be necessary or even desirable, she suggested I try their Mall of America store, which appearently has a machine shop in the back or something.

I used to work at MOA, and I try to avoid it now.  Luckily, I had backup, as I called Baroque and he said he wanted to come along to look for some stuff for his Halloween costume.  A few steps inside and I remembered why I dislike the MOA so much... people walk so damn slow there!  And always they walk abreast, blocking as much of the hallway as possible, but with just barely too little space to get between them. 

After a couple of stops, I found a place that said they'd be willing to try a temporary fix to get me through the week.  The cute, criminally underage girl who took my glasses (Baroque said he thought she might be 18, and I explained that that was still underage for someone past 30) started to work on them, then turned back and warned that she couldn't be held responsible if she broke them further while trying to fix them.  Well, they couldn't be of much less use to me, so I agreed.  Basically, she put shrink-tubing on them, like you would if you were manufacturing a cable.  I think the toothpick might actually have worked better.

This whole adventure left me without time to run to my office, which I'd needed to do, or go shopping for some of the things I'd found out I needed in CA... like sunscreen.  Actually, I hadn't even repacked yet.  I gave Baroque the certificate good for double Reward Zone points at select local Best Buys (triple if you spend $2,000 or more) from 7-9pm (Central) that day, since I'd be in the air at the time.  Damn, though... that would have been perfect to use on picking up my HDTV, which I've decided will be my reward to myself for this whole ordeal and for the massive overtime I'm racking up.

I got smart on the packing this time: I took just the discs for games, carried in a CD wallet, rather than the whole cases.  I got down to just my laptop bag (with PS2, camera, and other delicate items inside) and 1 checked bag.  The flight was uneventful, and somehow that ordeal on Friday seems to have left me with the ability to sleep on airplanes, because I snoozed through most of the trip.  I did wake up in time to see the sun set over the surreal California landscape, though.  It hardly looks real, which opens all sorts of jokes about Southern CA that are just too easy to bother with.

Bill (he was suckered into coming back, too) and I went to pick up the rental, and he disappeared inside for quite a while, trying to get a smaller vehicle since it was just the two of us rather than a group like before.  He ended up with an Explorer, which we loaded and pulled halfway out of the parking space before he decided it was garbage and went back in to get something else.  Another wait and we ended up with a Tahoe more to his liking, and pulled up at the hotel (a different one this time) around 10pm Pacific. 

We checked in and found our rooms, then nearly collided in the hall as we went out to see if the other had an overpowering paint smell in his room.  We called down and got switched to two other rooms, but mine still smelled like paint, and neither of us liked the one-bedroom suite as opposed to the studio.  The one-bedroom ones were too cramped, and the kitchens weren't as nice.  We got moved again, to another building.  Bill got room 332, I got 333.  Except there is no room 333.  I called down again, and finally got a key brought up for a room that was both free of paint fumes and non-imaginary.

Overall, I liked the look of this place better.  There's no seperation between living, sleeping, and kitchen spaces, but it flows nicely.  Only one TV, but it rotates to face whatever area you're using.  Later that night I went to hook up my PS2, though, and found that there's no inputs.  Not one.  All covered up by their TV Commander hardware.  Supressing my panic, I called the front desk.  They told me that there was 2 TV's in the common area that had inputs, and I was free to use them 24/7.  I'm not about to carry my PS2 and associated cables across the courtyard to the common building every time I want to play a game, so I had to improvise...

I had brought my Adaptec Gamebridge along this time, to capture some Okami footage, and that ended up saving me.  It isn't the best setup (in fact, it's pretty crappy), but I gots to have my Okami fix somehow.

As I post this, it's already old news--I actually typed it up yesterday, and much has happened since then.  But that'll have to be a story for another post...