Valek1394 / Member

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Valek1394 Blog

Tribute to a NON Halo game... if you can imagine.

I seriously cannot STAND that they are making yet another ******* Halo game.

Sorry for being a bit of a lurker the last several weeks – I've been intending to post something, but I've been so intensely busy at work, I really have just not had the required amounts of time and energy at the same time. I can't promise that this is a triumphant return, I have yet to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, however I've had this blog here on my computer for about a few months now, and I figured now was as good a time as any to get it out there.

It was initially going to be my 100th blog on here and I wanted to do kind of a rundown of one of my favorite franchises. There's actually quite a bit of info to go with these games, so while this blog will be lengthy, it's still going to be a flyby.

My first interaction with a Role Playing game came about 1990. I got my hands on a board game called 'Hero's Quest' which was essentially a watered down D&D. The quests and maps were all laid out in the accompanying manual, which made no sense at all to my 9 year old self, and while I did play it with a couple of friends, following the rules as best we could – it usually ended up just being a really nerdy version of ninja turtles beating up tiny plastic figurines….. with multisided dice as grenades…. I was NINE, back off. :evil:

The game is actually downstairs in my office/guest bedroom closet as I type this. Mostly still together I believe. It has moved with me over the years, but never re opened, and remains in obscurity, reminiscent of my brief foray into RPGs before I was ready.… I'm sure Donatello's +10 bo staff of Radical Awesome is still in there.

The real love affair started with King's Quest V several years later. It was part of a Sierra Classic's 10-Pack that came with my family's first computer that wasn't some kind of hand me down and could actually function. It sported Windows 3.1 and was just the fanciest magic box on our street.:roll: This 10-pack that also had another gem in it called Space Quest IV, which was also a lot of fun. Now – I understand that these are not actually RPGs – they are point and click adventure games to the core… but I'm getting to that. Adventure games to me, looking back, were my spring board. These games had virtually no role playing elements beyond "assuming a role and playing it" - they were digital storybooks interspersed with puzzles. There were no 'unscripted' conflicts, so everything had a set outcome, and usually only one way to get there. This entailed clicking everything in your inventory on every person and item on the screen. The more things you found, story elements and countless easter eggs, the more points that went to your completion score. After completing these games several times over in a silent protest against the FPS genre that had begun to plague me, I thirsted for more. Not really knowing what RPGs were at the time, and having no reliable way to access the then infant internet. I could only go by the company name, and box art. My mother had dragged me to, I believe, an Office Depot. They had some utility software with a very small selection of games. Amoung them, I saw a game then known as 'Hero's Quest' made by none other than Sierra. (Since renamed to Quest for Glory I due to the original board game getting a digital incarnation with the same name and held the rights and trademark)

Using a combination of puppy dog eyes and some verbal maneuvers that would make a politician audibly gasp, I got my mom to spring for the game. I should mention that at the time, I was grounded. Which doesn't sound like it would be a huge obstacle… but bear in mind that grounding me was my parents primary form of punishment at the time, and thus my groundings tended to last for periods much longer than anyone else had ever heard of. I'll spare you the details.

ANYWAYS, all I could do is look at the artwork on the box and read the manual. I read it front to back on almost a daily basis, pining for the day I would finally get this thing installed, and play.

That day finally came about a month later when my parents collectively took pity on my apparent lack of interest in anything, having not played a game or watched tv in months, not to mention not played with friends. They allowed me "computer privileges" which kept me in the house, and they still had control of their TV. (No doubt my father's stipulation) You guys probably remember installing games back in the day. DOS made me it's ***ch on a regular basis by way of overcomplicated installation and setup programs. Set the IRQ to 5 or 7, install and activate the mouse driver separately, test the Soundblaster, do you hear sound? No? Change another variable… and round and round we go.

After probably an hour of battle, I was finally ready to type hq.exe into the command line.

The familiar Sierra logo and its signature accompanying music came on the screen, and I knew I was in for a new adventure. Upon clicking the new game option, I was given a choice that would define my role playing characters from then on. Fighter, Mage, or Thief?

These archetypes have been around for decades, but this was my first real interaction with them. (Aside from reading about it in the manual) Before this, D&D was already lost to me as it seemed too complicated to be interesting to me, and my Hero Quest experience solidified the fact that I would never have interest in the Table Top RPGs… not to mention it requires a certain level of nerd that I hope I never attain, as I like having a social life and touching boobies on occasion… *ahem*

The fighter didn't really interest me…. And I didn't want to be a thief, because I associated it with being bad, which I didn't want to be(I had yet to gain my deviant abilities) – so Mage it was. This was all new to me, so I was completely enthralled – gaining levels, assigning points, getting stronger, smarter, faster. I was the bionic woman. Or man. That was also worth a million dollars circa 1970's money. Shutup. :evil:

I loved it, and promptly sought out Hero's Quest II… joke was on me though. Turns out my copy of the game was actually a REMAKE of a game released in 1989 with basic EGA (16 colors) graphics that was not in circulation anymore, along with its sequel, lost for all time. Now these were also not full on RPGs… they were hybrids of the adventure games, with a lot of RPG influences… again, my relative inexperience kept me ignorant of this. So I didn't care about the semantics.

I'll go ahead and point out now that a major shortcoming throughout the entire series is the combat system – it's very simple, but clunky, and barely worth mentioning beyond that. Click on the sword to use your sword (or physical attack) the spell icons to cast the associated spell, and the bag to use an item. The end.

I showed the game to a friend, proud of my accomplishment in finding this title. He looked at it briefly, and said it reminded him of another Sierra game he had laying around, but due to its being a NON-fps. he had lost interest in it pretty quickly. "Here you can have it." He went into his closet and came out carrying a box; I could hear the disks moving freely about inside, despite being a fairly recent release, it was the signature of an outdated game in a time when all the latest and greatest were coming out on CDs. (i.e. Doom 2) He threw the box in my direction which I caught in that awkward way a kid catches things that are unexpectedly flung at their faces…. By that I mean it hit me in the face and it fell into my lap. The game was Quest for Glory III. I flipped through the manual briefly; the opening page touted it as the long awaited sequel to Quest for Glory II, now in full VGA splendor! The thing that caught my attention and eventually led to the realization of the above few paragraphs was in parenthesis next to Quest for Glory II (Sequel to the formerly named Hero's Quest) Coming to the realization that I had in my hands *A* sequel, if not the direct one was almost too much too handle. I suppressed my excitement, as I didn't want my friend to change his mind. I then promptly started feeling "sick" and peddled my bike back to my house as fast as I could, QFGIII tucked safely under my arm. This game quickly became my favorite, firstly because it picked up my saved character from my Hero's Quest game, and gave me the option to have my character become a Paladin. Which gave me more experience points at the start, and more spells to cast. I couldn't follow the references to the previous game, having never played it – and didn't quite get why I was suddenly the 'Prince of Shapier' however, the NPCs also referred to me as 'The Hero of Spielberg' which was the name of the land in the first game, to which there are numerous references as well. I appreciated the fan service, and the idea that I was still with the same character amused me. That coupled with fun puzzles, side quests, and interesting characters endeared the game to me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

It was about that time I found the first Final Fantasy game for the NES, which was technically my first real RPG, it solidified my love of the genre, but aside from Phantasy Star on the Genesis, my interaction from that point was fairly limited and I was reluctantly returned to my sidescroller action games by the lack of other options. (It's hard for a kid to feed this expensive habit)

Sometime later, as a sophomore in high school, during a lull in my gaming life, as my friends were wrapped up in Goldeneye, I was wandering aimlessly around a best buy, having just gotten my drivers license, wandering aimlessly was sort of a hobby. I strolled down the PC gaming aisle, and out of the corner of my eye, and I saw it. Quest for Glory V : Dragon Fire.

There was a Quest for Glory IV!? Why did no one tell me this!? BLASPHEMY! I grabbed the box from the shelf and promptly went searching for part IV. Which I did not find.

I played through the first part of V, and it was a real treat – point and click adventure games had by then lost their place in the spotlight, replaced my more advanced gameplay mechanics and graphics intensive games. So I was pretty much alone in my enjoyment, and I didn't mind one bit. I did research QFGIV a bit and found that it had more or less bombed and had become notorious for an excessive amount of game breaking bugs and glitches. However, it still existed and could be found in an anthology that had the first 4 games in a reportedly patched form. Which I set out to find and purchase soon after, abandoning my Quest for Glory V game thinking I will return with a character that has played through all 4 games. A lofty goal, and a foolish one at that. I played through Quest for Glory I : So you Want to Be a Hero in a day. It was effortless as I knew the game backwards and forwards. I installed Quest for Glory II : Trial by Fire, and was met with the original EGA version. I tried to make it past this, but the graphics were so awful, I literally could not tell where I could and couldn't walk, let alone figure out where I was going or what I was supposed to be doing, on top of this, it turns out the original two games used typed commands, and thus no mouse interface. (There is finally a remake floating around out there by AGD Interactive released late last year free of charge, which I admit is making me consider trying this series again from start to finish) So beaten, but not broken, I moved to Quest for Glory III: Wages of War. This game took me about a week, this one didn't stick with me as much as the first one had apparently, but it was still every bit as enjoyable as I remembered. Then on to Quest for Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness. This game was significantly more difficult that the previous entries, and it sported a much darker theme and more adult oriented humor.. not x rated by any means, but definitely more mature. I remember the lines between good and evil being a bit more grey – where before you always KNEW who the bad guy was. I did not complete this game however as I came face to face with one of those glitches that were supposed to be fixed and I lost the game save. After several days of giving the box angry looks, I put it out of my sight and focused on Quest for Glory V: Dragon Fire. This game sported a great story, and was kind of a return to form, while still retaining it's more mature themes – a fan service for those of us who aged along with the IP I suppose. These games can't hold up to our standards 10 to 20+ years later, but they were fairly outdated already by the time I found them except for part V, which it was on the dying end of the genre anyways. So that never entered into it for me, I guess I get to view them with more nostalgia than most fans probably would. Each game had a different story, and setting, the first one was more of a Germanic story town; part two (apparently) has a Middle Eastern or Arabian Nights kind of thing going on, part three is more of an African plains motif, part four has heavy Russian influences and the final entry is based on the Roman Empire. Throughout all these parts, there are recurring characters from the previous games, and new characters each time, and they manage to keep most if not all of them interesting. It's odd that a series in which I've only played every other one can keep itself with me for so long. I don't know if I'll ever play them again, I'm not even sure I can, as old games aren't exactly a favorite task of newer, more powerful systems. My laptop is probably 100x more computer than the desktop I had when I first typed HQ into the command prompt. The mere thought of trying to get a game more than 10 years old running gives me a headache by itself… I know there's DOSBOX out there – but I have Vista and I'm afraid of what it will do to me and my loved ones if I ever tried to enjoy doing something that it doesn't allow on its own.

None the less, the memories have earned this crazy, but charming series of games with the quirky humor a permanent place on my gaming shelf.

Achievement Unlocked

you ranted 19 times without using the word 'squeegee.'

You know something? I hate achievements. I hate trophies. I hate them because they reward me for doing or finding little buried things inside a game, they push me to do things that I might not have thought of on my own, or even better, getting them while I'm just messing around in a game and unlock something on accident, then I scream a high pitched "EEEE!" in delight, and I can't wait to get the next one.

EEEEEEE

"EEEEEEEE!"

I hate them because I love them, some of you may understand what I mean, and might even know where I am going with this – and hats off to you, because I'm not entirely sure myself yet, but let's just see where this train takes us.

choo choo!

I see nothing wrong with this picture being taken out of contex.... oh.

On the minor points, as I said before, it's great that you can see this list of goals and things to do outside of the normal play, but I have a problem with them being listed out for me, games have a tendency to give out achievements/trophies for completing the game over the course of the story, which is fine. Some of them have clever titles that are silly, but still somehow sum it up in a few words. Whoever decided it would be a good idea to have these listed out BEFORE you've achieved them, and why everyone around them agreed is beyond me. You get a cliff notes version of the game and you risk spoiling plot points for yourself if you decide to check it out to see what you get if you collect the 8 billion shiny pebbles scattered throughout the game. I hate that, and it IS getting better, but still, this seems like a no-brainer, or maybe a little bit of brainer.

braaaaain(s)

Pictured: Very little brain.

This one is more game specific and requires a bit of background first: I've let a good friend of mine move into my spare bedroom while he saves up some money and gets himself back on his feet… being a primarily (read: ONLY) single player gamer, I don't have much in the way of two or more player games, on top of that, he himself is the absolute definition of casual gamer as far as I'm concerned. He doesn't himself own any consoles, and to my recollection he has only had a PS2 in his possession once for about a month like 6 years ago. IF he games, it will be a current gen Madden game. Personally, I hate sports games, as I've no interest in them. The only sport I can even follow is Baseball, and even then I'm not thrilled with it. I just don't care and I doubt that I ever will. In any case, in an effort to cheer him up a bit as well as give us something to do, I went and bought Madden 2010 and an extra controller for my PS3. This was the second game I had ever purchased for my PS3, the first being Infamous, which I managed to get ALL the trophies for (something I'm quite proud of for inexplicable reasons beyond me being easily pleased and sating my need to see that 100%) I had decided at that point that I would not buy any more games for my ps3 until the current games were beaten, the idea being to not have a shameful backlog like on my 360. And PS2. And Gamecube. And Xbox. And PC. :cry:

I didn't think about this when I put the game in, I SHOULD have created a new gamer account, I SHOULD have just not bought the stupid thing in the first place. I SHOULD have stopped after that tequila s—wait what was I talking about? Oh yeah – so my friend is a very skilled Madden player, his knowledge of the sport AND the game is frighteningly encyclopedic, I tried but it was just too much for me. (To me, all those lines and squiggles mean zilch, usually when I state this, I'm accused of being gay… remember, I live in Texas, and there is a whole different breed of stupid down here. Fortunately they tend to stay out of the cities for the most part. However, I find it immensely amusing to point out to these angry redneck homophobes out there that they are themselves getting a little too excited about a sport where large men in tights jump on top of each other as much and as often as they can manage. This also gets me into a lot of trouble…)

hot man on man action

No comment.... orgy.

Anyways, he gets plenty of use out of the game. However, not.one.bloody.trophy has been earned. We've had this game for over 3 months and the big fat goose egg is an eyesore to me. It's not like he hasn't tried either - I looked at the list, not only is a large portion of them online only, a lot of them are RIDICULOUSLY specific. Things like a certain player intercepting a pass to another certain player. WHILE it's SNOWING. There's several like that – and that annoys me, and the rest are earned online. I will never play the game myself, I know I won't – and he'll be moving out soon. Bah.

Now, let's get to the nitty gritty. The whole reason for this nonsense and what I believe to be my initial gripe, although there's no telling with me. This is kind of a dual blog, single player games and their online modes and the trophies and achievements that can only be gained through online… *groan*… 'multiplayer'.

I've said this many times, I hate, hate multiplayer. Specifically the online variety… I don't mind a co-op every now and then, and I've done my share of death matches. However, once again, something in Kelly's blog pushes me into a seething rage – not at her, mind you… just call it angry enlightenment, like "Yeah. …. YEAH. DAMNIT. EXACTLY! #*&$*$!!!1!"

If Kelly got me started, it was our own soapboxed JohnSteed (congrats by the way, it's a good read and glad it got out there) that knocked me over the cliff with his take on Dragon Age, and his theory on the split of MMOs and RPGs vs. say the FPS games which more and more rely on a multiplayer element as a primary game play function and tack a SP mode on incase Xbox live is down that day.

Noooooooooo

No indeed.

Lengthy, meaningful and VALUABLE single player experiences are hard to come by. Value is key, in Johns blog, he talks about paying full price for Dragon Age, and getting more value out of it than games he waits for the price drop. I'm paraphrasing, but that speaks volumes to me. This is not a cheap hobby we all share, I don't want to think about the thousands I've spent on it over the years. It's a money pit, and we all know it. If you didn't, well – now you do…also, PM me your bank account information. So getting value for my dollar means a lot. Multiplayer means nothing to me, I detest it and it's disheartening to me to see the online modes starting to take up so much of the spotlight. I'm looking at Dragon Age myself. It is SINGLE PLAYER ONLY. How often do we get to say that anymore? Sure there are always some in the pipeline, the next few months are actually starting to look really good to me, which contradicts everything I've just said, but this is an oddity rather than the norm and the majority are sequels – so let's talk numbers. The ratio given to me by the highly paid research team that I just pictured in my head is 34 to 1. (citation needed)

SCIENCE!

"Okay, but let's go ahead and make the velociraptor way more dangerous. We're kind of stupid that way anyhow."

Okay so I don't have "real numbers" per se to back that up, but its "common knowledge." You can't argue with me on the grounds that putting things in quotes makes them "vague enough to mean several things."

laserbeam

Not Pictured: Sharks with frikken laser beams attached to their frikken heads.

More often than not, I buy a game because it looks to be entertaining, (except Madden) I'm not one to pick up a crappy game on the cheap in a bargain bin for easy points a la 'Barbie's Super High Fashion Adventure on a Pony II'. (Part I was better anyway) For example I picked up Brutal Legend, played through it, beat it, and like many games, it has this BS multiplayer element tacked on. I'm fine with ignoring that, nothing says I HAVE to play it, and god knows I don't want to - unless of course I want those %&*$# Trophies! This, friends, irritates me to no end. Place 1st in a ranked game, Compete in 100 matches, Beat Opponent in some specific and frustratingly difficult manner 10 times. I get that this is a pointless gripe – I'm not holding my breath for a change, but am I alone here? Why must I allow a 10 year old (boy?) to scream into my ear how awesome his mommy tells him he is so I can have 100% completion on one of my games? I would submit the solution is to keep multiplayer trophies separate. Playing within the SP mode will allow for 100% completion and the multiplayer can have its own set beyond that. That makes sense right? Play the game to completion and its reflected on your card, and multiplayer is separate, as it's not part of the main game anyhow, so it stands on its own. If you don't play it, then you just never see it. Makes sense to me anyways. Right, that will happen. :roll:

Achievement Unlocked : Went online for an ultimately meaningless trophy, now your girlfriend hates you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Cursed chastity belts.

So, Digital Downloads eh?

oh yeah. I went there.


The hot topic in the industry lately seems to be 'Digital Downloads' – This is partly spawned from Kelly's post on the topic, but it's something I've wanted to sound off on myself for awhile.

The short answer is simply this: I can't get behind DD.

The not short answer is :

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer having a physical copy of my media, be it game, movie, music or otherwise. EBooks? HA. My inner gamer is not threatened by this idea, I don't see the industry switching entirely to DD anytime soon - they would cut their own business down by a huge amount - I'm clearly not the only one who prefers a physical product, but also most people with anything less than a high speed connection are not going to try to download a massive game over a period of what could be days or even weeks depending.

Not only that, but what about the ever looming presence of next gen? When we all invariably upgrade to the PS9, Xbox9000 or whatever phallic joke Nintendo comes up with, are we supposed to just forget about all the money we've sunk into our old DDs? Surely they won't maintain those servers for all time, and we will eventually run out of room on whatever console we have, and fairly quickly too if current hd space is any indication. "But V, you amazingly handsome manbeast!" I hear you exclaim, "Surely you don't care about games that you've already played through and beaten (or not beaten) enough to play them again when you have a shiny new Nintenboxstation with TURBO GRAFIX!!"

Here's the thing, I am a gamer, and like most gamers, my nature is to horde the **** out of my favorite games. The majority of us I'd wager are collectors to one extent or another. The developers know this – How many of you went and found all those damn stars in Mario 64? Or every blast shard in Infamous? I did. I can't help myself. I love that feeling of 100% completion, and I love having a good library to run my fingers across when I'm trying to decide what to play, sooo sexy… but I digress. The point is that I still fire up my NES or my Genesis from time to time - I love those old games, Somewhere in my collection of junk there is a box with an Atari 2600 in it with a modest collection of games. It's where I started, and I enjoy going back there every now and then just to remind myself what it's all about. Particularly when I find myself losing interest in games, it's good for me to go retro for awhile and get a little taste of the old school. There's a huge nostalgic factor with gamers and their games. I still have an old 36" tube in my guest room that's main function is retro gaming. Whether you are reliving the first time you picked up a NES controller and squished a goomba, or arguing with an unsettling amount of passion about spelling her name Aeris or Aerith, we all have games that we think back to and say "yeah that's the good stuff". That said, there is a very high chance that I will feel the same about some of the games I've played through in the last few months. Maybe I'll break out my PS3 to play some Arkham Asylum, just to show some young upstart what games were like before you just downloaded them into your brain. Okay, that's pushing it – but DDs would take all this away from me eventually – As I said in the beginning I'm old fashioned, and I have the preferences to match. I'm sure that 20 years from now none of that will matter to the modern day gamer, but as for me, I'll be the creepy old man with a huge stash of the old school and I'll love every bit of it.

In the meantime, if they want to offer the OPTION of a DD alongside the pressed disc, then that is perfectly reasonable, it's a great way to distribute independent games, and budget titles… little gems that otherwise wouldn't see the light of day… it just opens up the market that much more, and those that want to deal with it, great. Those that prefer the box have their cake too, or a combination. Everyone wins.

Cable > DSL

Blog is posting... come back in 3 hours.

My already infrequent post schedule will become even more sparse and random, the reason for this is that I have told Comcast to kindly go **** themselves. I was paying over 120 bucks a month for digital cable and internet. I had no movie channels at all, and internet by itself with no tv package is about 60 a month. So, I once again find myself without television or internet that would keep my otherwise deviant mind pre-occupied with Family Guy and youtube videos of idiots setting their pants on fire.

I may chance a foray into the world of Satellite TV when next I decide I can't go another day without channel surfing, I can get ALL their movie and sports packages for like 80 bucks a month. I just have to stick an ugly dish to the side of my condo. However I will *NOT* get DSL. I'm using a DSL connection right now... and I seriously want to strangle a kitten. Sure, it's broadband, (more like dialup2.0)but it's aggravating since I'm so used to cable, the difference is just shocking. This must be how the Jetson's felt when they traveled back in time from the distant year of 2002 to visit the Flintstones. Damn you Hana-Barbera. Who decided that every move a character makes, from blinking to peeking around a corner requires a crappy sound effect? WHO?

Anyways, I've just about beaten InFamous, I'm holding off on the last mission to get all the damn shards. Suffice to say the game is extremely fun, and I've really enjoyed it for my first PS3 game. When I've finished, I may post something a bit more in depth for no other reason than to take up space on your list for a brief time.

As an aside, I had been really looking forward to Prototype, and most of the reviews I've read have been positive, except they all come with a 'BUT' and proceed to make a laundry list of technical problems. This makes me hesitant to purchase it, since I've no access to XBL right now, and getting any forthcoming patches, etc. would be impossible.

I miss my internet. She loved me like no one else could.

*heart*

Aquaman's Lament

Do you know what sucks? I mean, really, really sucks?

Not having any superpowers, that's what.

Oh sure, I have *a* power... I can talk to fish, but honestly, it's hardly "super," and for that matter, how many of you out there have I saved using my telepathic link to seasnails? Show of hands?

I thought so.

Don't think I don't know that I am forever relegated to the punchline side of the Superfriends. I see your snarky comments on the internet, and the mocking references in the media. I can get OUT of the water you know. Even the cheapest motels have internet access. (I can't afford swanky caves like SOME superheroes... that prick)

I notice that pretty much everyone is getting a movie deal now. I was actually approached myself, but it was by that Uwe Boll guy - and even Aquaman has standards folks. Frankly I'm holding out for a part in Harry Potter. I love that fuzzy little wizard! I bet Batman won't ever be in a Harry Potter movie. Maybe Twilight, he's certainly moody enough to be a gay vampire.

It's not that I hate Batman, or that I'm bitter... I just, you know, wouldn't mind if he died more often. Seriously, that ****** has more money than he knows what to do with, having money basically IS his superpower! He uses it to build these ridiculous, completely impractical gadgets that Rube Goldberg would call complicated, swing around like some kind of emo bat-monkey, and then goes and broods on top of a building... a building he probably owns, yet he can't lend me twenty bucks to get a hot meal and wash my uniform at a Laundromat. Suck it, Bruce. You billionaire jackass.

Anyway, I was crashing at Robin's pad on Castro Street in San Francisco, which I generally don't like to do... he always finds some reason to touch me in some way, which is profoundly unsettling. I slept over 2 times before I realized he was lying about it being a one bedroom apartment and insisted we share his twin size bed. (He covered the door to the guest room with a full length mirror) You don't know horror until you've been spooned by a 93 pound man in a mask. On the bright side, he has a Playstation 3 which is fun to kill the time while he's off... doing whatever it is he does. (Don't ask, don't tell) On this occasion, I noticed he had a new game, this one is called "inFamous" - I wasn't sure what it was about to be honest, but the box looked neat, so I threw it in and, wow. Just wow. Like I didn't already have enough of a complex about my own lack of impressive powers, especially compared to everyone else and their mom... and dog. (Even Underdog is more impressive than I am, what is THAT all about??) Now there's a videogame character with awesome electro-sparky-magic shooting out of his ass. Are you guys TRYING to make me kill myself with this crap?

I have to admit though, this game is a lot of fun. Once I got past the fact that I now have that much more competition to overshadow me, I am in control of this digital bastage. As such, I took it upon myself to unleash the evil Aquaman like you've never seen (or cared about) before!

...........Except less dolphins and more mayhem.

Windex and a papertowel.

*dusts off blog*

Okay, so it's been awhile.

Not that it's imperative that I post on a regular basis, or that it really matters. The short version of my excuse is that I've been ridiculously busy. Even for me!

So originally, I wrote out a blog that was going to be my 100th blog blowout bash superfunhappytimestravaganza! TM I was ready to rip into my own beloved RPGs with all the whinybi*ching that I could manage. The blog was written; I got sidetracked, and came back to a laptop with no power. I had left it unplugged and thus lost it all. Not unlike that crazy game of poker. (Points if you get that reference)

So, what else is there for me to do but spout off the random happenings of my life since February... ish. We will go in order so you can put yourself in the moment. Prepare for an assault of a bunch of very tiny and uninteresting blogs: (remember my life is not all that interesting at the moment)

February 20, 2009

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I tried paying my Comcast bill. They made it very difficult and I cried about it. Later I wrote a blog.

February 29, 2009

Dear Diary,

The weird part about this entry is that this isn't even a leap year, but I'm writing under the date anyways. HA. Take THAT society!

March 3, 2009

Dear Diary,

Work sucks. I do it a lot. It seems like I do very little else. Perhaps I should drink more to numb the pain

MarH 4q, 03984

DERr DIARHeahh!@

BOOOoozwE! Heeeeeeeee ^_^

March 9, 2009

Dear Diary,

I apologize for my last entry and my unwelcome forwardness. I will never touch you like that again... unless you ask first.

March 19, 2009

Dear Diary,

I shouldn't complain about working so much I guess... at the end of the day I'm pretty lucky I have a job.

March 20, 2009

Dear Diary,

GOD****** MOTHER******* WORK SUCKS!!! If I lived on or near a cliff, I would certainly throw myself from it. Or at least someone I could do without.

March 29, 2009

Dear Diary,

I have food poisoning. My whole body is so weak, I can't even move without exerting a tremendous amount of energy.

April 3, 2045

Dear Diary,

I've traveled to the past to warn myself about eating that tuna sandwich. It seems I've miscalculated and I've shown up a few days too late. It is rather amusing to watch my younger self struggle to make it to the bathroom, only to trip and fall halfway and stuff his (mine? our?) head in a bucket and give up. I've taken pictures to show my prostitute turned wife, Elizabeth Hurley. (Things get very bad for her in about 6 years)

April 5, 2009

Dear Diary,

The food poisoning seems to have passed, it must have been pretty bad, I was hallucinating. I could swear I saw myself laughing at my situation while dancing around taking Polaroid's. Man. No more tuna sandwiches for me. On the bright side, I made it downstairs today just in time to see that movie where Elizabeth Hurley is the devil. Man, if she was a prostitute, I would buy her for a LIFETIME baby! Wooo!

April 16, 2009

Dear Diary,

You know, I just realized that outside of work, I don't really know anybody anymore. That is profoundly sad... great now I'm depressed. Thanks a bunch DIARY. Stupid diary. You can't come to my birthday party.

April 27, 2009

Dear Diary,

Stupid Mondays. I hate Mondays. They're a plague.... A weekly death plague. Tuesdays suck too. If I had the power, I would drown Tuesdays in a deluge.

April 28, 2009

Dear Diary,

No work today, as my office has been flooded in a deluge. Apparently I have that kind of power. I'm just as shocked as you are.

April 29, 2009

Dear Ndugu,

I had to go back to work today, but not to my office. No, instead I had to bring my personal laptop in and hang out at a satellite office, in a tiny little room that was not designed to be inhabited for more than maybe 10 minutes at a time, by one person. We have four, with several fans for purposes of air circulation. It's not working, the end of the month is approaching and I have no access to our main servers, and thus none of my reconciliations, spreadsheets, or any other information I need to make April, you know... balance - which means the first part of May will suck as much as the end of April. Oh, Ndugu, you may not understand what is going on here, or maybe you do. I can only imagine as you spend your nights playing the latest version of Pong, or perhaps Space Invaders that you look up into the night sky (I'm assuming there is a hole in your roof) and wonder what it is that I am doing. Well, the answer to that, young Ndugu is : I am getting drunk. Very, very, very drunk.

-----------------------------------------
Anyhow, you get the gist. Mostly nothing except work and my office flooding.

In gaming news, I picked up Street Fighter IV, which promptly kicked my ass rather mercilessly, I did finally manage to have some fun with it though thanks to a rather severe ass whipping from our own GodModeEnabled. Seriously. We played like 70+ rounds straight, of which I won 30ish, and he won 40ish. It was a marathon that had my thumbs bleeding. Fortunately, I didn't notice as we had also started drinking during this smashathon. Good times.

I grabbed Wolverine for the 360 as well last week, and I have to say, as far as movie games go, this is by far the best. In fact I would argue that it's better than it's movie counterpart in a lot of ways. It's just a fun beat'em up. Not particularly challenging on the 'Normal' mode, and I beat it over the weekend. I may go through it again on the newly unlocked hard mode just for the heck of it while it's still fresh in my mind, I could probably tear through it pretty quickly.

Well, that was all pretty anti-climatic wasn't it?

..... and that's why I don't date. *zing!*

SNIKT.

A love letter to Comcast

You wish I was YOUR Valentine

I hate Comcast. For the blessedly uninformed, Comcast is the internet/cable service that is taking over everything digital slowly but surely across the United States. I miss Time Warner. They still sucked, but.. well let's put it this way, if you're going to be raped, you want the one that uses lube.

After reading over my email sent to Comcast, I realize that they have driven me further to the depths of insanity. Not in a dangerous, Godmode kind of way, but more of a giddy cartoon monkey sort.

I was limited to a 1500 character maximum in their message field. I was suprised I fit it all in, particularly with the ending being total madness/indifference. Behold my nonsense:

I've been trying to pay my bill since last week, but your site stops working right when I click Pay Bill or when I click continue after putting in my payment info. So I decided to pass on the online payment and phone it in. When I call, I'm told if I want to pay by phone I will be charged a $4 "Convenience Charge" - which I find nothing convenient about, by the way. I am then given a number to call for an automated system. Here I am told I was given the wrong number, but they can take my payment for a $4 "convenience charge" this time I am transferred to the automated system. My payment is declined, at which time I am transferred to yet another rep who discovers that my phone number is not updated on my account, despite having updated it with your company TWICE before. Once again, I'm told that my payment can be taken for a $4.95 convenience charge, why it's more is beyond me. I said no, and this time I am given a number which does, in fact, take me directly to your automated system where I am once again declined. My account has the funds required to pay this(on which I am now late) I have become extremely frustrated, all I want to do is give you money! Why must this be so difficult? Everyone else will take it. AT&T loves my money, so does Visa. Hell, ask my ex, she took it all the time and never once charged me convenience fees, presumably because she loved me so much. Where is the love Comcast? Where. Is. The. Love?

Love,
Aaron
Daytime#:***************

Beware the Devil......

....for he is a woman that used to be a man.... in a dress.

I completed Fable II (finally) over the weekend. Despite the disappointing and abrupt ending, I really enjoyed the experience. It smoothed over the cracks from the first one (and made a few new ones all its own) and made it overall a very good game. My time with the game was artificially extended with my side quest indulgences, my two previous blogs about this game kind gives you a rundown of what my character was up to... He started as an overweight alcoholic gambler paying for his vices with money made from working as a really crappy blacksmith. Which was amusing, but ultimately I was just messing around. It was during this time that something happened - something I did not expect.

The dog. The dog managed to endear himself to me. At first, it's just more of a "okay, there's a dog, whatever..." but he really grew on me. Mostly I think because he was always there. So I was surprised that Molyneux's gimmick managed to do what he intended it to for me. Bravo.

In any case, as time went on and the story progressed, I would get distracted for long periods of time on these little sidequests - finding gargoyles, buying properties, opening the demon doors, the crucible, the shooting range, etc., etc., all of it was fun - although the property income eventually makes the games a lot less challenging since it's perpetual, game on or off. You're making money.

At some point, I started a family with a hooker I met outside of a hotel in Westcliff. Whether or not I have prophesized my own future or not remains to be seen. Anyhow, I left her to her own devices for the most part and kept on doing what I was doing. On my first visit back she gave me an experience potion that was gave over 60,000 xp. My trips home became much more frequent, which finally generated some kind of demon, red headed stepchild. I say this, because 1 - the kid was redheaded and 2 - looked nothing like me. This means that she must have cheated on me while I was away, and now I had to pay for the result. Maury, where were you on that one!? :evil:

From that point, I had all but finished the story, expecting something on an epic scale, as I was told returning to the mansion in Bloodstone meant that any active quests I had going would not be able to be completed afterwards - I spent a lot of time wrapping things up, and maxing out all of my abilities. I completed everything I could with a few exceptions; I thought would surely still be available in the end game. (I was right)

Off I went to finish this....

The story kind of lost me here - it took a weird question mark-like turn into the land of "WTF?" I mean, I got it - I understood what was going on, I think, but I still had to ask... WHY?

[spoiler] So Lucien shows up after I, I guess take the other heroes powers (?), and tells me that he's killed my family (caused genuine anger in me! wow!) then as he was about to kill me, my dog jumps in the way, and he kills him too! Bastard! (RAGE) :evil: Then he kills me. Again. Here I get, I guess a glimpse into my hero's life before he was an dirty street urchin. Then it's on to the Spire, where I was listening to Lucien give a speech about a better world, and kittens or something, then Reaver shot him... Once. Then the game was over.... I was hoping for a battle to the death, but no. I chose the Sacrifice. My original intent was to reload, and get the other two endings, but I screwed that up too. Afterwards, I wandered around, checked out my newest statue, and went and bought Fairfax Mansion. In here, they wanted me to sleep in the bed. They were INSISTANT that I do this. So I did - then bandits broke in, and I ended up in one of the tombs under the city. This is where I discovered my save was now moved to when I slept on that damn bed. So I decided to just roll with it, let the chips fall where they may and all that. At the end of this tomb is a potion that will change your gender, permanently. I didn't want to do this, but I thought there might be an achievement for it, so I took it with the intention of reloading back to the bed... but NO. No achievement, and worst of all, it saves FOR you right after you change! :evil: :evil: :evil: Now, having severed any and all attachment to this character, I decided to go ahead and destroy everything in sight, and work on getting the rest of the achievements. I got the polygamist right away since it was easy. I killed one of my spouses and began to run amuck in Bloodstone, killing everyone in my path. I jacked up rent, and was really starting to enjoy myself - then... after casting a level 5 fire spell... the screen went black. I felt an eyebrow involuntarily arch, and my eyes focused intently on the ring on my 360. "Oh... TURN RED! I ******* DARE YOU! TURN RED, YOU MOTH... "*ahem* Turns out it was just frozen - and it corrupted my Fable II save - however so relieved was I that my 360 wasn't bricked - I didn't care as much as you would think. [/spoiler]

After that whole debacle - I picked up Lost Odyssey again - I was on disc 4, and very near the end... however it had been SO long since I had last played it, I had NO CLUE where I was, or what I was supposed to be doing. I quickly lost interest and moved on.

While I should have probably tried to figure out LO so I could get it out of my backlog, I opted for Assassins Creed on a technicality. I have played and beaten this game already - however, I did so on a guest account late 2007 when live was down for like a week after xmas. So it is not reflected on my Gamertag. I will now remedy this.

The key to enjoying AC, because it's so repetitive, is moderation, which works out nicely for me since my gaming time is severely limited, and that's precisely how I enjoyed it the first time around.

Absolutely Brutal.

A hangover from hell.

Is it not enough that humans are forced, by nature of their own bodies, to pay a pennance for enjoying themselves through the use of alcohol? We all know what a hangover is (assuming you, dear readers are of age) We know it's coming.... we know the price that must be paid, but we do these things to ourselves anyways. From the outside looking in, I know the idea of drinking excessively both looks and sounds completely idiodic. I, having stood on both sides of the proverbial looking glass, can tell you. You are absolutely right. It is completely, 100% stupidifferific.

HOWEVER, it is also FUN.

Now I know there are preachers amoung us whom like to lay it on real thick about how they don't NEED alcohol to have a good time and we just love to hear about it. Here's the thing though : No one NEEDS alcohol to have a good time - some people may think that they do, and you know what? It's their business. I am very much an advocate of the live and let live policy. If you don't like what I do, that is fan-*******-tastic, please adjust your contact list as necessary and leave me alone.

This is not to say if you or a friend has a problem you shouldn't tackle, or be tackled to the ground and beaten with stale bread until you or your friend snap out of it. (the bread is purely optional, and of course interchangeable with other humorous objects including, but not limited to: pretzels, funnel cakes, slim jims, or banjos.)

I have a pretty high tolerance myself, which, provided I don't change up my drinks too much (meaning going from whiskey, to vodka, back to whiskey, etc.) and stay the HELL away from tequila, generally allows me to bypass the hungover state that I currently find myself in. I broke this rule last night, and I am now suffering for it. I can't complain - like I said, it's my fault I asked for it the second I switched from crown to grey goose, and I really ran the point home when I started shooting tequila. =X

So I've paid my dues. Several times. Over the course of the entire morning. I am now past being hungover and I should be good to go. Free to use my day as I please....run and frolic in the fields, playing catch and chewing bubble gum.

"But Aaron!" I hear you ask. "Whatever are you doing at home on your laptop!?"

Well kids, I'll tell you.

It seems that somewhere between that first shot of tequila, and the peak of my hangover, I contracted some kind of death virus that has run my temperature up to 103 degrees (roughly 39 celsius for those that care) It seems my body feels that in order to teach me a lesson it has to kill me.

Great.

A Gamer's Rage vs. FPS

Last week, I commented on one of JohnSteed's blog about how I stay away from top 10 lists and such, as it often ends up with me just ranting against the FPS genre. His response, to paraphrase, was basically to say it must be difficult to be a gamer that hates that sort of game, since they make up such a large part of the market.

This got me thinking - where exactly did all this start? I've not really thought about WHY I hate the things in a long time, it's just one of those accepted facts. Sort of like tying your shoes, you probably don't remember when or how you learned - but you did, and you don't give it any thought every time you tap into this knowledge. It's a stretch for an analogy, but I'm still kind of drunk from last night, so bear with me.

This is going to be a very long entry - so I won't be offended if you aren't up to reading it. I make no promises that this won't end up just another angry rant at the rotting carcass that is the FPS genre, stinking up the gaming Indus.... *ahem* I'll do my best to show that my opinion actually has a background with some merit and keep away from the ranting as much as possible.

That said, the best place to start, I suppose, is the beginning.

The year is 1992. My PC gaming days were still ahead of me, and I was entirely focused on my precious console systems, the NES and the Genesis. My experiences were firmly planted in side scrolling platformers, vertical scrollers... basically "go right" games. I had a few computers in my life at this point, but all of them were hand-me-downs from my grandfather's office, which meant they served no purpose other than to allow me to say "yes, I have a computer." I could play SimCity in glorious monochrome or CGA madness, or Commander Keen in similar color schemes. Incidentally, playing SimCity without a mouse is a *****.

Sim City Original

The PC gaming was left to my best friend - He always had the latest available tech in his system. He was the first to get a CD-rom, he was the first of us to upgrade to an independent graphics card, blah blah blah, you get the idea. So it was no surprise when he calls me up and tells me I *HAVE* to come check out this new game he got. :roll:

So I hop on my bike and off I go. I can't say I wasn't intrigued - new games were few and far between for me back then, so I had to get my fix through my friends. What he showed me was by far the most badass thing I had ever seen.

The game was of course Wolfenstein 3D. I think there may have been one or two other games before Wolfenstein that used the first person perspective, but for me, and most gamers I'd wager, this is the first of its kind, and certainly my first exposure to it. That said, my reaction was probably similar to a lot of gamers back then... it was something completely different, you were IN the game - looking through the eyes of the character! "HOLY MONKEYS! This is sweet! Is that supposed to be me there!? What's the story!? Oh well who cares! This is AWESOME!" bam bam bam!!

As luck would have it, my parents had decided around that same time that it was time we had a proper computer in the house, and it wasn't long after that I had my own copy of Wolfenstein 3D, and life was good.

For a little while anyways... You can only play one game so many times. Fortunately, my mom saved the day, and gave me one of those Sierra 10-packs. Among these ten games was King's Quest V. The remake with the awful voice actors (curse you stupid owl!!) and full color, and it was also my introduction into the point and click adventure games, as well as the beginnings of what would evolve into a very unsettling obsession with RPGs, gaining levels, and deep storylines.... That's another blog.

Around Christmas time in 1993, I was unceremoniously dragged to a Christmas party by my parents. They had kids also, but they were an infant and a 4 year old. I was 12. Socializing was out of the question... so I sat quietly as the adults talked about... whatever it was that adults talked about at Christmas parties in 1993. I went outside and amused myself playing fetch with the dog. Woo. Bill, the man half of the couple who was throwing the party stepped outside. "Bored?" he asked. Not wanting to be impolite, I said no. "Yeah you're bored. Come on in, I'll set you up on the computer" I followed him into his office, and there sat the biggest screen I had ever seen. When he turned it on, it was like a turbine revving up. I stood at his shoulder and watched the system load itself to the c prompt. He handed me some headphones, and typed something in. He had me take his place in the chair and simply said "just press enter when you're situated." I looked at the screen and this is what I saw :

C:doom

Ooooookay. So I pressed enter, not sure what to expect, and was met with a whole new level of badassery. Holy crap! This is awesome! Is that me!? What's the story!? Who cares! This is freaking AWESOME!!

This game was MUCH darker than Wolfenstein, there were more guns, more enemies, more levels, and frankly just MORE of everything. The environment was creepy, with the headphones on, in the dark, I could hear the heavy breathing of the demons that may or may not have been hanging around the next corner. I did not leave that chair until my parents came to collect me several hours later to go home. So delighted was I with this new found magic, I told them allllll about it on the way home... and wouldn't you know it, for Christmas - I got my own copy. I also asked for a BFG9000, but that was strangely absent from under the tree.

My best friend got one as well - and it was then we discovered that we could connect our games together... it was also here that we discovered the beauty of the deathmatch.

Doom grabbed a larger part of the market, all my friends had this game, it was THE game to have if you were a gamer. If you didn't have it, you were a lesser being... you were tainted, your mother hated you, your dog blamed awful smells on you, and basically, you just flat out sucked. I would argue the elitist attitude that you run into with some gamers in online FPS's has its roots here, but I think it's more to do with people liking to be **** with the cloak of internet anonymity protecting their precious egos.

In any case, many, MANY morning hours were spent deathmatching, and we had a great time. This online aspect gave it a much longer life, and it carried it to its successor in 1994, Doom II.

NOW we're in the thick of it! The upgrade was a no-brainer. Doom and Wolfenstein were not even a blip on the gamers radar when this gem hit the shelves, and I was all over it. My first reaction set me apart from my friends for the first time. Theirs was "HOLY ****! This is ******* AWESOME!!" (We were older and cursing had become infinitely more fun) Whereas I was much more on the "This.... This looks the same as Doom." And, having become semi-spoiled with my moonlighting as an RPG'er "Where is the story!?"

"WHO CARES? IT's DOOOOOOM TWOOOOOOO!" cried my friends in unison.

Okay, fine. I'll go with it. So we play through the single player campaign separately, and we are back to deathmatching. Now I'm getting burned out on this sort of gameplay, but it was popular - and if I wanted to play my friends, then this was the only option. Eventually, I gave up - as much as I kept telling myself I liked Doom, I just couldn't take it anymore, and I distracted myself with the Sierra's Hero Quest. (Later renamed Quest for Glory for reasons of copyright)

Enter Heretic. This game was doom all over again - and when my friend showed it to me I gave a very audible sigh. "no no! it's not the same! Look!" With that he brought up an inventory screen.

:shock:

Do my eyes deceive me!? An INVENTORY SCREEN!? Good heavens! This element reminded me of my Sierra games, and immediately I was intrigued.... It was short lived though. The inventory was clunky, the story, while they tried on this one, was still unintelligible, and it quickly passed from the forefront of my mind and into this vague recollection I've just given. As a side note, it's the first game of the genre I can recall being able to aim up or down. So in that respect, it made use of, if not started a new gameplay mechanic.

As luck would have it, Blizzard came out with a little game called 'Warcraft : Orcs and Humans' - this game more than sated my desire to play friends, not to mention to build my own little mini empire. It appealed to me to start from the absolute minimum, and every map I made in the editor was always on the largest available, and each player started with one Peasant (or Peon if you were Orc) and building up the cities or whatever and blitzing your opponent was WAY more fun than deathmatching...Well, I thought so anyways. I love the RTS genre, and it starts here with one of the pioneers of its kind.

Meanwhile, the FPS genre had established itself, and was growing. Rise of the Triad came out and my cousin bought it for some reason. I played it, and my first thought was.... "This looks a LOT like Wolfenstein" Turns out it pretty much was. It was based on the engine behind Wolf3D, and it was incredibly dated for the time, it was the last game to use the Wolfenstein engine I think... and it vanished as quickly as it came.

This made room for a game released about the same time that actually pulled me back into the genre for a time. Dark Forces.

This game did some new things (at last) The environments were multi level, and for the first time you could actually look all around. Time was actually spent on having a story line, which you got with cutscenes and briefings. There were a good number of weapons to choose from, and a lot of items that were handy, most notably the headlamp.

This game took all the good things about Doom, expanded on them, and added its own touches as well. I had hope again. Limited as it was.

It was with this game that I also discovered something new to hate. Jumping in a first person view is a pain in the butt. Trying to jump from ledge to ledge and not being able to gauge where you are standing relative to where you are trying to get to is something that plagues these games to this day... and also made me realize these games are just a camera with a bobbing gun in front of it. When I look down, I see legs. Period. Despite my growing list of complaints, it was a good game, and, despite a growing excess of poor quality FPS, I would argue that Dark Forces was the start of this genre's golden age.

Hexen. Back like a case of herpes, this was Heretics sequel. This game suckered me in almost the exact same way its predecessor did. This time with the advent of being able to choose a c_lass just like in my beloved Quest for Glory series, Mage, Fighter or healer (Thief in QfG).... And once again, it was just another run of the mill FPS based on the Doom engine. Again. Ugh. The game apparently warranted some expansions but I didn't touch them.

On to Duke Nukem 3D! I know there were a couple of games before it; Duke Nukem I and II, but I never played them. This game subjected a lot of us to our first look at pixilated bewbs, and man did that sell. It was the only game you could go into a strip joint, watch a dancer, and the OJ Simpson car chase on the TV. Good times. As a game I suppose it was decent, but beyond the adult themed gimmicks, it was just another shooter to me.

That same year we got Quake. As soon as I heard about this I could feel shards of glass or something beginning to dig into my temples. My computer was beginning to struggle anyways, and just barely ran Duke Nukem. Quake was out of the question. However, like I said, my best friend always had the best crap, so I got to play it over at his place. This game was graphically superior to any before it thanks to its Quake engine, which helped, but as usual the story was barely present. :roll: This game eventually pushed my friend to get the first 3d accelerator I had ever heard of. I didn't notice much difference, I think it made the water look more.... Watery or something.. it was minimal. The big thing with this game was that it finally made use of the internet connectivity, and allowed for computers to connect to a server, and thus several players could be in one game at once, deathmatching to their hearts content. It was here I was introduced to the obnoxious world of 'other people.' For someone like me who had been trying to escape this festering genre, I had quite the handicap when playing against those who devote their lives to this. If I managed to frag someone, it was luck and I will suffer for my insolence, if I myself am fragged, then it's because my mother beat me with a brick and my dog blames awful smells on me, and I just flat out suck. Wow.

As compelling as it was to play with these charmers, I passed. I appreciated what the game was doing on the multiplayer level, but I decided at that point that I just want to play my friends, or play by myself... and I did try to play through Quake on the single player, all I could think was "... this is just.... Doom. AGAIN." Just as well, my computer, as I said, couldn't handle it anyways.

Then came Jedi Knight : Dark Forces II, I took my first stab at building a computer from scratch for this game. I saved up my weekly paychecks from working at a grocery store for 2 months... which gave me a budget of like 600 bucks. (yeah minimum wage is balls)

Oh BLESS you LucasArts! You have shown me the light once again, THANKYOU! This game was the definition of awesome. It was FPS... or was it? This game gave you the ability to switch to a 3rd person perspective, which that alone was breath of fresh air to me - but then the game hands you a lightsaber.... And then force powers! This may as well have been labeled porn. It was the greatest thing ever. It had story, it had weapons variety (why? You have a LIGHTSABER!) puzzles, and a main character that you could finally start to invest in as he was being developed. A FIRST. Plus, taking a page from the book of Quake, it allowed for online connectivity for up to 4 people, which was perfect for my cadre of misfits. This game clicked with me, it didn't force me into the first person perspective, it didn't make me use guns, and it had a great story. I know it had its flaws, as no game is without them on some level - but for the life of me I can't think of any.

This game was awesome enough to make the release of Quake II go relatively unnoticed by me and my friends, which looking back I'm very thankful for. I never played Quake II, so I'll leave it alone.

As it turns out, it doesn't matter... consoles had a big push back into the spotlight, Nintendo 64 hit the market, the Playstation was making its own splashes, and the Dreamcast was trying it's hardest to keep up. (I miss my dreamcast.... *sniff*) One of the breakout hits from that generation of consoles was Goldeneye. This was the first time I got to play an FPS using an analog. It made the overall experience more enjoyable, but....I kept getting that awful feeling of déjà vu... "this is just... Doom.... AGAIN."

I'm sure you get the point by now.

DEAR HOLY LORD MONKEY **** BALLS, does no one else notice this!? It's the same ******* game over and over and over and over and over again!!! It's been this way for over a decade! How do you not get tired of this!?

Now, I realize that the same could be said for most any genre of game, but with the FPS - and this never fails, there is little to no story, and for me it takes away immensely from the game - if I am to play doom over and over again, at least give me something more engrossing than "there are aliens/demons here. Kill them all." Conversely, a great deal of RPGs have basically the same story, but for me, I can still be involved in it - even in the crappy ones, there are always a few little twists or something that change it up juuuust enough to make it bearable.

So another decade has passed, and in that time, I've seen stealth FPS, (which is a complete contradiction, but I'm not going there) the team based FPS, i.e. Rainbow 6, etc. and one type of FPS that I think should just be a genre all by itself at this point, the ENDLESS barrage of WW2 shooters. The whole genre is completely over saturated; it's like dipping a stick of butter in a vat of lard - which is not only extremely unhealthy, but all kinds of gross.

Sure they've all upgraded their graphics, they add new weapons in from time to time that do different things, and try to pass it off as a 'groundbreaking' game mechanic, but frankly - it's just Doom.

Is it easy to be a gamer that hates FPS in a time where there are so many? Well, yes. It is easy. We have a lot of options. It's true, I think there are WAY too many shooters out there, but that's what most everyone likes, and I'm in the minority here. Which is fine... one of the great things about being a gamer today is we have so many choices, a lot of us just don't even know what to do with ourselves. I will never be the one to get between a gamer and their controller, whatever game he or she chooses to play, more power to them. Just don't ask me for a deathmatch.... Or I will seriously kill you.

With a spork.



:evil: