I'm not going to disect to explore the reason why this seriously offensive serires is still on the air. I've already gone into detail in my review why it's not funny, but I have to ask, why do so many people think this show is funny. The father has an aneurysm that causes him to hallucinate and possiblyAlzheimer's on top of it, the mother is in denial, the daughter has an inferiority complex, the son has Down's syndrome, the midgetis psychotic, everyone in town ismaladjustedand everyonethinks the dog can talk. It's like the Simpsons on acid. The show is pretty much Fox TV's little whore; they did the right thing by cancelling it, but they couldn't stand allowing just Comedy Channel to milk it dry. How much longer can the show last on one joke?

This is why I wish I had the friends and equipment to create short comedy films I could post on YouTube. I get a lot of funny ideas, but I never know what to do with them. I was watching Pawn Stars yesterday and I had a neat idea about an entirely POV sketch with some aliens trying delling selling the suit from "The Greatest American Hero" toRick Harrison. The whole thing involved a lot of dickering and figuring out just how much it was worth and ending with Chumley wearing it and jumping off the roof at the end.

There weretwo Irishbrothers who owned a bar. They had had a burglary and decided to get a guard dog, so the younger of the brothers went to buy a guard dog from the best dog place in town. The owner of the place showed him a little chihuahua. The Irish man was not convinced:
"That? A guard dog? You're out of your head!"
"He's not only a guard dog." The owner insisted. "He's also a karate expert!"He places a board before the dog and gave the command. "Karate dog, board."
The dog broke the board in half, but the Irishman wasn't convinced.
"I still prove it to you." The dog owner said. He placed a bigger board before the chihuahua. "Karate dog, bigger board."
The dog shattered the board, but the Irshman still wasn't convinced. The dog owner brought out a brick.
"Karate dog, brick."
The dog broke the brick. The Irishman bought the dog and brought it to his brother who thought he was nuts.
"That? A guard dog?" the older brother yelled."You're out of your head!"
"He's not only a guard dog." Theyoungerbrotherinsisted. "He's also a karate expert!"
"Karate expert, my left nut!!!"

If I had the power to restore five dinosaurs to life, I'd pick:

Sauropods - I'd bring back a herd of them and place them in the African Congo, mostly because the ones there might like company...

Triceratops - I'd let several loose in the wilderness of the Pacific Northwest to mess with the Bigfoot hunters...

Hadrosaurs - I'd like to see a herd of them loose in the Florida Everglades

Pterosaurs - Technically, not dinos, but I'd put them in Texas just to freak out the ranchers

Plesiosaurs - Technically, not dinos, but I'd release a pack of them in the Gulf Stream off the East Coast of the USA to freak out the whalers...

I don't think so. No disrespect to Taylor, but she's a bit too petite for the heroine and her Tennessee accent wouldn't fit. I've done several short stories with the character, and can think of several other actresses (Kaley Cuoco, Hillary Duff, Ashley Tisdale, Elisha Cuthbert, Sara Michelle Gellar, Britney Spears....) MUCH better and more ideal for the role! Another thing, if the first movie is any indication, the script will play a BIG factor in how the movie will go.

I've been using public internet access a long time, and it used to be that if I left my TV.com open without closing it, it'd still be on days after I returned to the same computer. That can be bad for anyone who came to the site while my account was open, but since I linked my account with Facebook, it's finally logging off when Windows closes down. Hooray for BIG favors!

I watched "Titanic" last night on DVD, and because of that, later in the night I had a dream I was starring in the Mel Brooks version of the film with jokes, parodies and satires in it and all the fun stuff that made parodies funny before "Epic Movie" and "Meet The Spartans" ruined all that. The first time I had this dream a year or so ago, it was Kirk Cameron and Alicia Silverstone as Jack and Rose; this time it was Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgins. A few of the scenes I recall and made up after I woke up:

* Cameo of Kate Winslet as Julie the Cruise Director

* Very slippery pool scene as people climb out then slide back in

* Cruise is overbooked so the crew stick one guest in an elevator disguised as a room. He's changing clothes as it stops between floors. The crew finally get tired of one passenger constantly complaining so they toss him overboard and give the overbooked guest his suite, but now the first guy has to share his suite with the ghost of the obnoxious guy.

* Rose's mother desperate to get her daughter married puts her in a bra that inflates her bra size and then getting her to promise that she has sex on the first date.

* Leslie Neilsen as the captain very obnoxiously boasting his ship is bigger and faster than their's. When he needs help, they have to decide whether they want to help.

* Neilsen running his ship with an angry fist, constantly warning his crew not to hit an iceberg. The moment he shows compassion and leaves them in charge, guess what happens?

* Bar scene: "Can I have some ice" as the iceberg pokes through.

* Britney Spears as played by Nicole Parker singing "My Heart Will Go On." When Zac and Vanessa as Jack and Rose take the stage to sing, passengers start leaving the lounge because they've heard those HSM songs way too many times, but they return when it's a different song.

* When the ship starts sinking, the crew goes into a massive cover-up insisting "Someone left the water running" to "We're just going through the rinse cycle." When one passenger asks if the ship is sinking, one crewman says, "Why do you want to start a rumor like that?"

* After the ship sinks and Rose and Jack are floating in the ocean, the camera pulls back too far to reveal the dorector and camera crew on the far side of the water tank.

* As Rose is bobbing in the ocean, she recalls the air bra her mother put on her, pulling a cord, inflating the bra and saving her life.

* Rose in the present after asked what happened to Jack. She has a flashback to burying him in the basement of the house after a big fight. She lies to the crew of the Keldesh and claims he went down in the ship.

* As old Rose is tossing the necklace over the side, she changes her mind and keeps it, the spirits of the Titanic victims now climbing over the rails.

I had a dream, it was an awesome dream...

I dreamt that I was the announcer of an Avengers/JLA baseball team to raise money for charity. The Avengers team included:
Captain America, Thor, the She-Hulk, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Storm, Wolverine, The Thing
The JLA team included:
Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Nightwing, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, Aquaman
Dragon of the Image Universe was umpire
Spiderman and Supergirl were co-announcers and everyone looked like their movie star equivalents (Keaton, Reeves, Carter, Mcguire...)
Reed Richards had the ball created out of adamantium covered in unstable molecules and linked to a gravitational force field to protect spectators and keep the game fair. Athlete level heroes had special mitts to absorb extreme impact...
Needless to say, the best part of the team were the egos between Quicksilver and the Flash and Hawkeye and Green Arrow

I've always believed that my preferences in women run a bit different. I mean, busty women don't really intrue me that much, possibly because I've seen unattractive women with big boobs. I would much rather date Reese Witherspoon, Sara Michelle Gellar or Melissa Joan Hart for being svelte and attractive over Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz or Pamela Anderson for being busomy and alledgedly attractive because some else tells me they're hot. I mean, I've had crushes on Elizabeth Montgomery, Cyndi Lauper, Lynsey Bartilson from "Grounded For Life," Erin Moran from "Happy Days," Nancy Barrett from "Dark Shadows" and Beverley Owens from "The Munsters," and several of them have never really been credited with being notable sex symbols. Although, in my dreams, Lauper has a sexual appetite that would make Madonna blush, and Liz Montgomery uses witchcraft to do very weird things. I guess what I'm saying is - don't tell me who is supposed to be a sex symbol, because I have my own ideas on who is.

I'm the dark reflection of your soul
I follow you wherever you go
You can find me at day or in fog
Whether you runor whether you jog
I'm always after your feet
And near you where you sleep...