Also from the website I linked in my blog yesterday... I entered my first and last name. Here's what it said. My soul urge # is dead on! ---------------------------------------- There are 14 letters in your name. Those 14 letters total to 65 There are 4 vowels and 10 consonants in your name. Your number is: 11 The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer. The expression or destiny for #11: Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents. The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form. The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need. Your Soul Urge number is: 7 A Soul Urge number of 7 means: With a number 7 Soul Urge you are very fond of reading, and retreating to periods of being alone and away from the disruptions of the outer world. You like to dream and develop you idealistic understandings, to study and analyze, to gain knowledge and wisdom. You may be too laid back and withdrawn to really succeed in the business world, and you will be much more comfortable in circumstances that are tolerant of your reserve, your analytical approach, and your desire to use your mind rather than your physical being. You are very timid around people that you don't know very well, so much so at times that casual conversation and social situations can be strained. You tend to repress your emotions to the extend that some people have a good bit of difficult understanding you. You tend to be very selective with friends and you don't easily adapt to new environments or to new people very quickly. The negative traits of the 7 include becoming too much the introvert and isolated from others. Your Inner Dream number is: 4 An Inner Dream number of 4 means: You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

I just found this link (ya know me-- the information superhighway is my friend) on another person's blog and decided to share. http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp Once you enter your birthdate, a bunch of "facts" come up Here are mine for today: You entered: 10/28/1968 You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Scorpio. Your Life path number is 8. ** The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440157.5. The golden number for 1968 is 12. The epact number for 1968 is 0. The year 1968 was a leap year. As of 6/20/2005 7:12:49 PM CDT You are 36 years old. You are 440 months old. You are 1,912 weeks old. You are 13,384 days old. You are 321,235 hours old. You are 19,274,112 minutes old. You are 1,156,446,769 seconds old. There are 130 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 37 candles on it. Those 37 candles produce 37 BTU's, or 9,324 calories of heat (that's only 9.3240 food Calories!) . You can boil 4.23 US ounces of water with that many candles. Your birthstone is Tourmaline The Mystical properties of Tourmaline Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewlers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources) Opal, Jasper Your birth tree is Walnut Tree Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises. There are 188 days till Christmas 2005! The moon's phase on the day you were born was waxing crescent. ---------------- **8 With the Life Path of the number 8 you are focused on learning the satisfactions to be found in the material world. The Life Path 8 produces many powerful, confident and materially successful people. You are apt to be very independent, forceful and competitive. Your routine is involved in practical, down-to-earth affairs, and there is relatively little time for dreams and visions. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. Most of your concerns involve money and learning of the power that comes with its proper manipulation. This Life Path is perhaps the one that is the most concerned with and desirous of status, as an accompaniment to material success. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you are well-equipped for competition in the business world or in other competitive fields of endeavor. You know how to manage yourself and your environment. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead. The negative 8 can be dictatorial and often suppresses the enthusiasm and efforts of fellow member of the environment. Often, the strength of their own personality excludes close feelings for other people with whom they come in contact. Material gains and rewards often become issues of utmost importance, even to the neglect of family, home and peace of mind. Dedication to success can become an obsession. Emotional feelings are often suppressed by the negative 8, resulting in isolation and loneliness. All Life Path 8 people must avoid discounting the opinions of others. ------------------------- appendix: Golden Number: A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold. Epact Number: The moon's age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year. The Life Path Number The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

We have a Science Center here in Columbus and it has an exhibit on the TITANIC until Sept. I took a friend of mine (despite the nagging chest cold I have) to see it for her birthday. I loved the movie the TITANIC. I loved watching the specials on Discovery, TLC, and PBS about the exploration and excavation of the TITANIC. I would love to be part of something like that--- discovering artifacts and actually touching/owning pieces of history. I have been excited about this exhibit for weeks-- ever since we set a date to go. There was a similar one in Vegas a few years back while I was there on vacation and I didn't get to go. That said-- I was disappointed in the exhibit. The admission price was $20. The rooms were small, dark and overly warm. The number of exhibits per room were few. Some weren't labeled. Some were hard to see because the room was too dark. At any given time, there were at least 20 people trying to crowd around the exhibits. :( I did like seeing the artifacts and reading the stories from survivors and families of victims. I enjoyed how they recreated the different parts of the ship-- the first class cabins, the second class cabins, the third class cabins, the bowels of the ship... even the grand staircase. Alas, no photographs were allowed and there were guards everywhere to make sure it didn't happen. I was impressed by how well some of these items have held up over the years. Still-- I feel like I didn't get my $20 worth of history. The "funniest" part of the trip was listening to how many people were looking for "Rose and Jack" on the manifests and in photos as if the characters in the movie TITANIC were real. I remember hearing when the movie came out that Rose and Jack weren't actual passenger names and were a reasonable representation of a couple who could have met and fallen in love on the TITANIC. After we toured the exhibit, we visited the other sections of the science center, feasting on some DIPPIN DOTS ice cream and perused the gift shop. I bought some "grow your own geek", "grow your own dork" and "grow your own nerd" kits for $3 each. Just like those little dinosaurs which expand in water, in just 72 hours, I will have my very own geek, dork and nerd to adorn my computer monitor at work. I can hardly wait. :) I have a soft spot for geeks, nerds and dorks. Now, my Sunday is almost over. (sigh) WHERE does the time go??

I've been feeling kind of crappy for the past few days. I wonder if I picked up something when I was in the doctor's office the other day. They should have two waiting rooms--- one for people who are sick and one for people who are just coming for check ups. Of course, that won't stop the sick people from touching the doorknobs, etc. Bleck! :P So-- I've been "gested" (a co-worker's child's way of saying congested) for the past three days. I'm rundown, irritable, achy and such. Not fun. There should be a law about illness when the sun is shining, the air is warm and the humidity is low. In order to try to make myself feel better, I got a haircut today. There's just something relaxing about lying back and letting someone massage your scalp and then treat you like the only person who exists for a little bit. I've had the same hairstyle more or less for the past decade. I've gone really short. I've even let it get to my shoulders. I have fine hair and it just doesn't grow into long, flowing, wild woman hair. So, I'm happy if I can get it to touch my collar. I look best with shorter, bob-style cuts. I used to get something like looks like a shag cut but a former co-worker used to call it my "mini Mullett" haircut so I stopped getting that one. I've even learned the exact phrases to tell the stylist so that I'm guaranteed the cut I want every time. (I'm too cheap to establish a relationship with a salon with a specific stylist and opt for those fast-food style chains that get you in and out in less than 30 minutes!) "I'd like the top trimmed and the layers evened out. I'd like the ears cut out and the back cut to jaw-length with an undercut in the back for body. No layers in back. Side part and short bangs." Thankyouverymuch and haveaniceday. :) It made me feel good. Right now, I look shiny, stylish and cute, but once I wash my hair, the look will be gone because I can never ever recreate the exact amount of body the stylist can. Even if I spend a gazllion dollars on "product" (as those Queer Eye guys say), I'll never be able to do it. (sigh) When I win the lottery, I will have my own stylist who will do my hair everyday. I'm really bummed that the machine Jane Jetson used never came to fruition. I loved that thing. She put her head in... and five seconds later, she was perfectly coiffed. Another thing I've been doing to "perk myself up" is creating a list of "feel good" songs so that I can have a custom CD made for my driving and typing pleasures. I know, I know-- most people just download and burn the CD themselves but, alas, my computer is ancient, my connection is slow and I'm not even sure I have a burner on my computer. I discovered that for under $15, walmart.com will create a custom CD and mail it to you. No more buying those NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC CDs just to get one song I like. No more buying an entire CD by one artist to discover that I only like the one song the radio station plays all the time. So.... I have a notebook in my car and by my computer and as I hear songs I like on the radio, I've been writing them down. At the end of the week, I'll sit down, choose the top 12 songs and create my CD. I love technology. Here's my list so far: 1. Connected - Stereo MC's 2. We Like To Party! - Vengaboys 3. Hey Ya! - OutKast 4. I Don't Want To Be - Gavin Degraw 5. Bubble Toes - Jack Johnson 6. Roll To Me - Del Amitri 7. All For You - Sister Hazel 8. Naked Eye - Luscious Jackson 9. Collide - Howie Day 10. Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney 11. Lonely No More - Rob Thomas 12. Southern Cross - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young 13. Away from the Sun-- Three Doors Down 14. You get what you give-- New Radicals 15. Let me go-- Three Doors Down 16. Freshmen-- Verve Pipe 17. Get Low- Lil Jon 18. Suga Suga-- Baby Bash 19. Don cha-- P U S S Y cat dolls (the site wouldn't let me put the first word all together) 20. One Thing-- Finger Eleven 21. You and Me-- Lifehouse 22. Someday-- Nickelback 23. Hanging by a moment-- Lifehouse 24. Why don't you and I-- Santana (and Chad Kroger) 25. Wonderwall- Oasis One of these days-- I will upgrade my computer and become one of the hip-crowd with downloaded music and home-made CDs. Now, I'm gonna go crawl into bed with some DVDs. I have upgraded to THAT technology. :)

I lifted the following from a friend's blog... Feel free to share with your friends. It's very interesting to read the answers that others give. The answers below are, obviously, mine. ------------ "Book Talk" Total Number of Books I've Owned: Unfathomable. Right now, I read an average of 150 books a year. Probably more. I'm almost 37 years old. I started reading when I was 4. It amazes me to think that millions of words have passed before my eyes. Last Book I Bought: JAMIE by Lori Foster Reinventing Mona (can't remember author) Beach Blanket Bad Boys (several authors) They are all romances. :) Last Book I Read: WHATEVER REILLY WANTS (a Silhouette Desire romance) Five Books That Mean A Lot To Me: 1. GOD ON A HARLEY by Joan Brady It's about a woman in her 30s going through a "mid-life" crisis and "GOD" comes to her in a form she can approach-- a man on a Harley-- and helps her simplify her life. The book came out long before the JOAN OF ARCADIA tv-show. And it's not a romance. :) 2. The Dictionary. I got my first real dictionary when I was in junior high and I would read some of it every day, with the goal of having read the entire book by graduation. I did it twice over. 3. JOURNEY TO QUIET WATERS by Dixie Browning. It was my "first" grown-up romance novel which I "snuck" when I was 13ish. I located a used copy on the internet last year to add to my keeper shelf for nostalgic reasons. 4. FOREVER by Judy Blume. Sex ed classes have nothing on this book. I read it when I was 14. It was written in the mid-70s when "free-love" was practiced. It was about a 17 yr old's journey from "innocence" to adulthood. I can still remember the line "Once you have sex, you can't go back to holding hands" that the girl used to describe how it felt to rush into sex too soon. 5. THE ELVES and THE SHOEMAKER. It was the first book I read on my own.

Things can get really boring when you are a cubicle dweller. I get really stir crazy and feel like screaming sometimes. Lately, I've been trying to figure out a way to go to my car and take a nap without anyone in management finding out. Unfortunately, the only way I can do that is to become management. I have no desire to be in management. Too much stress. Too much blame. On that note, one of my co-workers and I have been causing mischief in the office to help alleviate the spring-fever cubicle boredom we are all feeling. It's called e-mail tag. Our company has very strict policies about protecting privacy. We are not to leave our computers "unlocked" if we are away from our desks. Period. Yet, there are a few people who persist and just getting up and going on break, to lunch or to the potty without locking their computers. So, we've been on alert for these people. The minute one of them gets up and leaves, one of us will run up to their computer, open the in-house e-mail program and shoot off an email to another co-worker and then immediately go into the "sent" folder and delete the sent email so that there is no trace of the e-mail. Then, we go back to our seats and wait. We wait on the co-worker to come back and find some kind of response to the e-mail he/she has recently sent. It's fun to watch the reaction. It goes like this. K gets up and goes to the copier. P (my partner in crime) will run up and send an e-mail to C (who hangs out with K) saying something like, "I think I have a fever." Then, he'll delete the sent email and go back to his seat. Meanwhile, C opens the email, reads it and replies to K. K returns to her desk and there is a "Message Waiting" message on her monitor. She opens it and it is a response from C saying something like "I have some tylenol" or "Why don't you go home?" K is puzzled and writes C back, "What are you talking about?" C then gets up and comes around to K's cubicle and says, "You sent me an email saying you were sick." K will deny it. C will think K has lost her mind. K thinks C has lost her mind. Meanwhile, P and I are trying not to laugh out loud. Eventually, K and C stop bickering and realize they've been pranked. P and I are friends with K and C so they look at us. We burst into laughter. People stare at us. C responds, "You suck!" and goes back to her desk. K giggles a little and then the moment of whimsy passes. OK, yes, it is immature. We don't do it to everyone. We keep it within our little circle of friends. Yet, day after day, it is amusing. K and C can't quite learn to lock their computers so there is at least one point in the day where we do this to them... and they always fall for it at first. Wanting to change things up a little, P broadened the playing field yesterday afternoon to include B, the guy who sits behind me who always talks about redneck jokes, NASCAR and his hot tub. He thinks his hot tub is a chick magnet. I tell him it's just a huge bubbling soup bowl of his germs. So, yesterday, B got up and went for his afternoon "newspaper time" in the bathroom. He's usually gone for a good 10-15 minutes. He didn't lock his computer. On the other side of the wall from B is D, who has nicknames for everyone and who likes to dip into everyone's conversations. They are like two peas in a pod. So, P went to B's computer and sent D an email saying, "Do you have any mail?" We all take turns taking mail to the mailroom and yesterday was B's turn. Every day, D is never ready with his mail. We always have to wait on him to slowly fold and stuff all of his envelopes. D also hates email and if he gets one, he will get up and walk to the sender and answer it in person... and then stays around to talk about other stuff for a good 20 minutes or so.) P told me what he did so we sat there waiting the rest of the day for D to come over to talk to B. He never came. Today, P and I were discussing it and he said, "I don't know what happened. Maybe he didn't open the email?" Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked B if D had sent him an email. He said no. So, P and I told him about the email joke. B got up and went to D and asked him if he got an email from him. D said no... then advised B that there were 7 people in our company with the same name so you have to put in his middle initial for him to get his mail. B told P about this. P said, "Oh sh*t! I didn't include a middle initial." So, we looked in the directory and tried to figure out who P had sent the email to... turns out he sent it to an AVP in Texas. We retired the e-mail tag game immediately. Now, we're faxing blank paper from the company fax machine to K and C's phones. You'd think at some point they'll realize that the "beep beep beep" they hear every time they answer the phone ISN'T some weird glitch in the system. Until then, we sit back and wait for our inevitable "You suck!" :)

I'm listening to the new Backstreet Boys CD. Yes, I like boy bands. I may be 30something but I happen to appreciate a cute, younger man. If he can sing, it's a bonus. Unfortunately, I've now reached the age where the "cute" boys bagging my groceries are almost old enough to be a son. Hmmm... oh well, I still have the Backstreet Boys. :) In 1994, I hadn't discovered the beauty of the younger man. As I explained before, when I first got my computer, I was an on-line virgin. On-line dating was relatively new to the world and it was intriguing to me. I was really into pen pals when I was in school-- had them from all over the world. I also found something romantic about falling in love with someone based on mere words on a piece of paper. After the "V" in Vermont episode (scroll back a few blogs if you don't remember), you would have thought I would have been wiser about my on line exploration. I wasn't. I met "E" in a similar fashion as "V". "E", from Kansas, responded to the same posting wherein I looked for "help" with researching a romance novel. "E" was also a few years older than me. "E" was very eager to help. Almost too eager. I've always considered myself an open book. WYSIWYG. (What you see is what you get.) Ask me a question, I'll give you an answer. "Too much information" has never really been a problem for me. (Unless, of course, it involves someone describing bodily functions then I'm outty.) Anyhow-- "E" was just as prone to diarrhea of the mouth (er, fingers) as I. He was willing to answer any questions I had... and I had many. I didn't exactly "click" with him romantically because he seemed a little on the needy side and I just don't do needy very well. I thought we were developing a genuine friendship, though, and I was thankful for the "male insight" he provided. It was a little intense at times, but we all have our hot buttons. He expressed an interest in dating me, but I never led him down that path. I maintained my "this is just for research" stance. Yes, I had placed the post looking for romance, too, but it wasn't happening with him, so I decided to actually do some research. At some point in our friendship, things started to get weird. He became more and more strident with his attempts to woo me. I had told him on more than one occasion that I wanted to be his friend and nothing more and kept pointing out to him that I was just doing research. He kept insisting that he WAS the one for me. Nevermind that I never once really told him that I was actively looking for anyone. At one point, I threatened to cease all contact with him if he didn't stop pressuring me. He said to me in an e-mail, "No matter where you go, I'll find you. We are meant to be together." (insert creepy music here) At that moment, I immediately regretted that I had been so forthcoming with my personal information as we were building a friendship. True-- I knew just about as much information about him as he knew about me, but I never intended to use it for ill purpose. I stopped writing "E" as soon as I got that e-mail. It was just too horror-film for me. The word "stalker" wasn't even in my vocabulary in 1994. My disappearance from "E"'s inbox did not stop his attempts. I admit that I stupidly opened his emails, curious to see what he had to say. Mostly they were pleas for me to keep writing and promises that he'd stop being so persistent. I didn't respond to them. Then... the snail mail began. When he couldn't rouse me with e-mail, he sent me letters. The letters contained the same message for awhile-- "Please write me. I miss you. You are the best thing that has happened to me." I ignored them. Then, one day, I came home to this thick envelope from him. I opened it and it was 6 pages, front and back, of the most graphic stuff I had ever read. It takes a lot to shock me and I have a rather large collection of erotica. This man went on for pages about all of the things he wanted to do with me, to me, near me, on top of me, inside of me, etc etc etc. Major ick factor. I sent an email to the system administrator of the on-line service about his harassment and forwarded them copies of all of the emails he had sent me and told them that he had even taken it to real mail. The system administrator took my complaint seriously and blocked/closed his account, set me up with a new account and gave me instructions on how to block my private information in case he went looking for me again. I cancelled the service altogether and even got a post office box for my personal mail. It didn't even occur to me to turn his letters over to the police. I got one more after the "long creepy one" which I did not open. I wrote "return to sender" on the envelope and sent it back. I never heard from him again, but every now and then, I'd look over my shoulder a few times when I was out alone "just in case" he came looking for me. As I told a friend about the encounter later, she said to me, "Isn't there a major prison in Kansas?" That didn't make me feel any better. I'm still pretty open (as you can tell) but I do have some trust issues and it takes me awhile before I just give out information like addresses, phone numbers, etc. I know that it's hard to hide everything in this technologically savvy world and I don't want to walk around fearful that everyone I meet will become a stalker, but I am a little wiser now.

... therapy. (Now I've planted visions of Olivia Newton John in a leotard, dancing with handsome gay men in your mind....) If Olivia Newton John married Wayne Newton then divorced him and married Elton John, her name would be Olivia Newton John Newton John. :D Just an inane thought for the day. OK-- physical therapy. About 3 1/2 years ago, I ruptured a disk in my back. It healed over time causing some nerve damage in my left leg. It's annoying to have a leg that permanently feels like it's asleep and a damned nuisance when you want to do things like hop, skip and jump (which ultimately leads to my tripping, falling and looking dumb.) But, I dealt. There could have been worse things that happened as a result. Over time, though, I've had mucho wear and tear on my lower vertebrae and disks. About a year ago, I started to experience excruciating pain and stiffness that oftentimes prevents me from moving. I have a hard time with any kind of twisting, turning, bending, stretching etc that happens at the waist and lower back. Very inconvenient. I can't just lie down to take a quick nap and then hop right out of bed when the alarm goes off. It takes me about 15 minutes to go from prone to sitting to standing to hobbling across the floor. I feel like I'm about 40 years older than I am. I've always been a pretty mobile person. Fairly active. I used to go to the gym for 2 hours a night, go for 3-4 mile walks with friends and climb 2-3 flights of stairs with ease. No more. :( That said, my doctor has sent me for several X-rays, MRIs, and consultations with spinal specialists to try and determine the best course for me. The latest diagnosis/revelation is that three of my disks are losing fluid and because of that, they offer no "shock" resistance between my vertebrae, causing my vertebrae to rub, lock, and irritate one another. Nice. So-- my options are surgery to fuse the vertebrae and further limit my range of motion or physical therapy and pain meds to help me "cope." I opted for the PT and pain meds. Today, I met with my doctor (and the nice medical student interning with him) to discuss what kind of PT I want to do. After lengthy debate (me? lengthy and debate-ive? nah!), we decided that pool therapy will be best for me. Luckily, I have a gym membership at a place that has a pool so I don't have to pay any exorbitant physical therapist fees. However, pool therapy means getting a bathing suit. I know what you might be thinking--- "Books, you like the beach. How is it that you don't own a bathing suit?" Well, I do own a bathing suit, but I somehow irreparably tore the seat of it at the beach last summer so it is not wearable. I didn't discover the tear until I got home so I wonder how many unfortunate people I mooned in Sandbridge, VA last summer. I stopped by a clothing store on my way home and was dismayed to find bathing suits in the clearance bin already. The sales clerk told me that "back to school" fashions arrive in two weeks and they are getting rid of summer stuff now. (gasp! horror!) Luckily, the spandex and other man-made stretchy material gods were smiling upon me because the first bathing suit I picked out was in my size, fit perfectly and consisted of a nice pattern and color (pink and black squiggly lines on a black background) that suited me. It was also 50% off. WHAT A BAHGAIN! I'm a big believer in signs, as I've said, and I was thrilled that I found the suit so quickly and easily after deciding that pool therapy is the best way to go. So, this Thursday, after work, I will don my pink and black squiggly suit and hop in the pool and think to myself "let's get physical, physical..." :)

At the beginning of the year, my company requires all seasoned employees (anyone with 3 or more weeks of vacation) to put in their vacation requests for the entire year so that any "conflicts" can be dealt with early on. I sat down with the holiday calendar and the first thing I did was go to Thanksgiving and Christmas and took a day or two off there to extend the holidays. Then, I went to October and took my birthday off. Then, I went to the three-day holiday weekends and made them four-day weekends by taking off the day before or the day after. Usually, I pick one week in either July or September for "possible traveling." This year, I chose September since last year, I went in July and it was too hot. Then, whatever was left, I went through the calendar and in the months where there is no paid holiday (like March, April, June and August), I randomly picked a day to take off and marked them as "Bevy Days"-- my own holidays. My very own mental health days to do absolutely nothing. Today was that day for this month. I set the alarm so that I could have the pleasure of turning it off and going back to sleep like I yearn to do every morning. Then, around 9, I crawled out of bed, made a late breakfast and watched some TV. Then, I played around on the computer, read a little, watched more TV, made lunch and then, finally, around 2 pm, took a shower and got dressed. I then went to the post office to mail a package. There was a long line and the AC was working. Only one person was working the counter. I made small talk with the semi-cute military-looking guy behind me in line who kept complaining about the two kids who were running all over the place. "If that was me, my mom would have ripped me a new one," he said. I added, "and then Dad would have added to it when you got home." He laughed. I laughed. Then, I suddenly lost all conversation skills and stared at my feet. After the post office, I ran to Target and checked out the "dollar section" for any cool new things I can't live without and then I came home, watched some more TV which was interrupted by "breaking news" that yet another celebrity was acquitted and then I made dinner and poked around on here for a bit. I also found time and energy to empty the litter box, refill the cat dish and vacuum the carpet in my living room. I just ordered $30 worth of paperbacks from AMAZON and now I'm getting ready to make lunch for tomorrow and then crawl back into bed with a nice allergy pill and a thick romance novel. I wish I could win the lottery so I could have more days like this. :)

I was watching the movie ALEX AND EMMA this afternoon. It stars Luke Wilson as a writer who has hit a writer's block and Kate Hudson as the stenographer/temp he has hired to type up his book as he recites it to her. He's making it up as he goes. There's a scene where Kate Hudson's character, Emma, picks up a book, flips to the last few pages of the book and Luke Wilson's character, Alex, is outraged. She makes the statement that if she likes the ending, then she'll like the rest of the book. As I was watching the exchange, I realize that I do that, too. I never really consciously realized that I do it until she did it and it made me smile. Whenever I'm in a book store, I have a very methodical way of selecting a book to read. First, I look at the cover. If the cover art isn't appealing, I don't want to pick up the book. Then, I read the blurb on the back. If the blurb holds my attention, then I read the excerpt that most editors put just inside the front cover. If it's a romance, usually this is a snippet from a love scene or the "foreplay" prior to a love scene. Then, if that holds my interest, I flip to the last page of the book. If I like the way the book ends, then I flip back to the first chapter. If I like the way the books ends *and* begins, I buy it. Seems like a lot of work, I know, just to select a book. It occurs to me that I apply this practice to just about everything I do. I don't live in the moment. I wish I did. There was a time when I did and I miss that. On Fridays, just as the weekend is beginning, I make out my "things to do" list for the weekend, trying to figure out everything I need to do before I go to bed on Sunday night. Instead of just enjoying the fact that I have two full days to do whatever I want, my mind is already focused on 11 pm Sunday night. The clock begins and my weekend suddenly becomes a countdown to that moment. At the beginning of the month, as soon as I flip that calendar page, I'm already looking at the end of the month and all of the things I need to do, the bills I need to pay, the birthday cards I need to send, the doctor's appointments, the pay days, etc. I don't even get to enjoy the fact that I've been just given another 30 days to get things done. I worry about the "what if" of not getting everything done before "time runs out." Alas, I also apply this theory to relationships. Whenever I start a new relationship, I start to worry about the end. Will we still be friends? Will we talk to each other? How long will it last? Will there be bitterness? Why did I even bother? Then, when the inevitable happens and the relationship does end, ulimately, I have this feeling of morbid success that I was right... that everything I predicted would happen did happen. Some may call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like-- if you tell yourself you're going to succeed, you will and if you tell yourself you're going to fail, you will. How does one learn to live in the moment? How does one learn to just live day by day? Even as I'm writing this blog entry, I'm thinking about what I can write about tomorrow night or the next night. (sigh) Another weekend is over. I will not think about Friday. I will not think about Friday. I will not think about Friday. Oh crap! Now I'm thinking about Friday! :) Have a good Monday everyone!