Give it up 

A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend, and of course, came whining to me about it. I tried to give him the two ole speeches: "You'll find another" and F*** that B*** (what can I say I'm a romantic at heart).

Failing this I realized that there wasn't any reason to believe that: A) There was another girl out there for him or B) That he would find another better for him. So I did a little bit of research on a few common "errors" that most people in relationships make and tried to settle the score:

First of all, the most common phrase in relationships, or rather movies about relationships is "You're one in a million". This I find to be a grossly insulting insinuation.  There are currently 6.5 billion people on earth, which means that even if you are 1 in a million, there are give or take 6,500 people just like you. That's a little over 500 soccer teams. While that last sentence proved nothing, it gave me an excuse to use my expensive graphing calculator.

Let's pretend that you can't follow a logical pattern and/or you can't do math, so you don't believe me. Since she broke up with you, there's a 1 in 1 million chance (better than your chance of winning the lottery) that she's going to end up stuck with someone just like you anyway. Serves her right.

Another wonderfully worthless saying is that "You'll never find another girl like her". First of all, WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU WANT TO? Do you want to be dumped AGAIN? But let's assume that you're a dumba** and you want to get back with someone just like her.

Let's say again that there are 6.5 billion people in the world. According to our census data, 56-60% of the world is female. Yes, most of the world is female, straight men and lesbians rejoice.

Now, since I'm lazy and need to come up with an excuse to use a nice round number, let's assume the best possible scenario - 60% of the world is straight women. That means that there is about 3 billion women (3.9 rounded down) in the world. According to the Human Genome Project there are about 20-25,000 protein-coding genes arranged in combinations of G,A,T,and C. This works up to something almost like 8 trillion different combinations. Basically: It ain't happenin. Get over it.

But the good news is that there are about 3 billion women in the world. But, let's assume (yes, yet again) that you've met "The One". Not Neo.

Just to make my point I'm going to over-compensate the numbers. I'm going to assume that the ladies love you, and you get around. So I'm going to say that you've met everyone in the USA. That's a tad over 300 million people, 60% of which are female, which works out to 180 million women that you've met. You dog you. Now of that group, let's say that you've dated 50% of them. Personally I've never known anyone who's dated 50% of the women that they've met, but let's just assume that you're the stud that I think you are.

That means that you've dated 90 million women (at 5 dollars a pop that's about 450 million in flowers alone). Why the interest in this number? Well, if you've dated 90 million women, AND there are 3 billion women in the world that means that you've met 6% of the women the world has to offer and only dated 3%. No search in any field of study would be considered complete if you've neglected 97% of the applicable sources. Which means that  because you've seen the shoes of more people than you've dated, you have a better chance of knowing who has the coolest shoes in world than if the person you are with really is "The One".

What does all this prove other than I can use TI-83+? It proves that chasing the Hollywood dreams of the perfect romance is not only statistically improbable, and scientifically impossible, its F***ing stupid. Get over her and get the new Virtua Fighter game. At least you can win at that.

Seriously James, get the f*** over her.

    -Your friend, CJ 

 

Sources:

(1) ibiblio.org/lunarbin/worldpop
(2) webmath.com/cgi-bin/lottery.html
(3) ornl.gove/sci/techresources/Human_Genome/faq/genenumber.shtml
(4) howmanyofme.com

20. Someone has an airship, and it's probably Cid.

19. The game is continued on Disk 2.

18. "..." is a sentence. It's profound, not lazy.

17. Being run through with a sword is only deadly when you're not in battle.

16. Every antidote cures every poison.

15. People don't die. They just lie on the ground for a while or disappear.

14. If you have a gun, get really mad and you'll do more damage.

13. Swords weigh nothing and can be tossed around like styrofoam cut outs. Not like the 200 pound hunks of metal that they are.

12. Going in to someone's house and taking things is not illegal.

11. However, doing so in a store is.

10. No matter how much she hates you, the cutest girl will always fall in love with you.

9. Everything explodes. Everything.

8. Giant robots can be defeated with swords.

7. Dungeons are where bad guys and treasure hang out.

6. Ugly = Evil

5. There is no need to go to a hospital. Inns cure everything.

4. Enemies are evil, but not so evil that they won't pause for a bit while you power up your supermove. It's only fair.

3. It doesn't matter how many times your sword went through them, you still missed.

2. All attacks can be dodged by leaning slightly to one side.

1. If anyone mentions an "ancient" anything, you're probably going to be fighting it.



-cjdaweasel

Number 4 in the series for CJdaWeasel's Top 10 Worst RPGs has been posted on the homepage of the Final Reunion. You can view the article here:

10 Worst RPGs Ever: Number 4

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CJdaWeasel.com will not recieve a version of this article any time soon as the series was created specifically for the Final Reunion.

  I recently got a copy of Windows Vista RC1, and to tell you the truth, it moved me. I was swept away in a river of emotion that when it had subsided, I had written this thoughful and introspective poem. I give you now the bearing of my soul on paper (or webpage, whatever):

Ode to Windows Vista RC1

O! dear Vista RC 1
that I installed while watching Clerks;
Why do your windows
always go berserk?
O! dear Vista RC 1
your tabletPC tool was fun
but why did my writing "Dude WTF?!?"
Turn into "Dude Well 21" ?
O! dear Vista RC 1
my NIC drivers won't install
I told you where they were
and you could not find them at all;
O! dear Vista RC 1
your sidebar totally rocks
in fact it reminds me of something
called the FREAKIN DOCK;
O! dear Vista RC 1
my Harddrives you renamed
I don't know where anything is
Vista: The File-finding Game;
O! dear Vista RC 1
your gadgets are absurd
they're just like Mac's Widgets
can't be bothered to change the whole word?
O! dear Vista RC 1
gone is the Blue Screen terror
But still no one knows
what the hell is a x500 error?
O! dear Vista RC 1
My GeForceFX you found
but nothing else installed
it's okay, I don't need sound;
O! dear Vista RC 1
that I installed while watching Clerks
You're just so like MacOSX
except that OS works.

Added Bonus! Swearing Included for Free!

20. After reading the Gamespot Terms of Service, several Board FAQs, and Union Rules, I can now pass the Bar Exam in seven states.

19. Am I the only one that knows what a paragraph is? Does anyone else have the enter key?

18. Most Union banners suck. It looks like you have a rudimentary knowledge of MS Paint.

17. Stop constantly talking about yourself in your blog. Other people have their own boring-a** lives and as Youtube clearly shows: no one cares.

16. Bring something new to the table in your discussions. Simply restating an opinion adds exactly ZERO to the conversation and makes you look like a dummy.

15. If you do decide to bestow your wonderful opinion on everyone please improve it by doing one of the following:
1) Follow it with some meaningful insight into life, like how grapefruit can improve your love life and cure amnesia.
2) Back it up with some information (and this is key) THAT YOU DIDN'T JUST COMPLETELY MAKE UP.
3) Delete it.

14. A single paragraph with no punctuation where every other word is misspelled is not a game review. That's a collection of letters with a score.

13. There doesn't need to be a Union for everything. There's only so much one can say about Yogurt.

12. The fact that there probably is a Union dedicated to Yogurt.

11. Doods uze teh spelcheker. Itz ther so I, the reeder, have a fooking clue what ur sayin. Seeriusly, it lookz like ur playin Scarbble wit haff the peeces mising.

10. If I wanted to join your union, I'd contact you.

9. Stop reporting everyone who says "a**" "b****" or "s***". The internet primarily for 3 things: games, pirated media, and pron. If these words offend you then fly to Florida, go to Disney World, get on the Small World ride and stay there for the rest of your life.

8. Stop lying. We don't believe you. We're just humoring you.

7. Don't upload videos that suck. If your video is up more than 3 months and no one has anything good to say about it, then take it down. You're wasting space on our internet.

6. Stop saying "Graphics Don't Matter". While I love that you have enough self-righteousness in your life to spread it around to videogames, I hate to be the one to break this to you: They do. If they didn't, we would all still be playing NES.

5. Emulators don't count. Period.

4. LOL is only for use when you actually "Laugh out Loud". No really, I'm not making this up.

3. Don't quote a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote of a quote.
Th
is
is
ab
*t
ch
to
re
ad

2. The PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii all suck. The PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii all rule. The PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii all have the worst games. The PS3, Xbox 360, and Wii all the best games. All game genres rule, and all of them blow. Every reviewer sucks, and couldn't review their way out of a paper sack. All reviewers rule and I couldn't agree with them more. No delevoper could ever make a bad game or a good game. No company will ever be able to enter the game industry. There, I've covered 90% of the arguments on this site. Moving on...

1. Quit making long-a** posts that have no business being long-a** posts. All of us are getting two sentences in and deciding that a forum post that basically says "I like this game" is not worth 15 minutes of our time. We're skipping down to the next guy who makes a funny joke about a monkey in 3 words.


-cjdaweasel

Monkeys eat poo.

It appears that The Farthest Land has been moved back to the Final Reunion, so my articles are just going to stack up until that gets sorted out. So, completely ignore the previous Archive (which is now incorrect) and I'll update it later.

To make you feel better, here's a picture of me at work. :D



And a Breakdown of my desk:


1. Some Creature from a Megablocks set
2. MacOS 10.4 playing a Robot Chicken Episode
3. An Ice Dragon
4. A Security bot from Front Mission 3
5. Halo Wars Background, to remind me that there are things worth living for
6. Caffiene (presented in Pepsi-flavored form) Absolutely required
7. A Star Trek TOS mouspad
8. Sealab 2021 poster
9. Kenny, because I can't kill my co-workers
10. Nerf, so I don't kill my co-workers
11. Filing cabinet filled with reports that should have been sent off sometime last week
12. 1 Black Rat and 1 Fire Goblin deck, in case a Magic game breaks out.
13. A racing car that I only have because it says Zombie Racing on the side, which I thought would be a great idea.

Since the move to the new Union (from Final Reunion) The Farthest Land some of my blog entries are invalid; pointing to pages that will soon be deleted. So here for your convienence I've set up this archive to make navigating them easier until the archive is set up in the new Union properly.

xVxObliVioNxVx is always pretty much on it, so I doubt that this Archive will be required for too much longer

The Farthest Land Union

---

10 Worst RPGs Ever

Introduction
10. Quest 64
9. Unlimited Saga
8. Ephemeral Fantasia
7. Fatal Labyrinth
6. Blaze and Blade
5. Heroes of the Lance
4. (Postponed Until Union Setup)
3. ????
2. ????
1. ????

Bonus
Clarification on the Nature of Pastry-based RPGs
What Makes What S*ck

---

Create Your Own Japanese RPG

Episode I
Episode II
Episode III

---

Final Fantasy VII : The Spinoffs

The Spinoffs - Part I
The Spinoffs - Part II
The Spinoffs - Part III

---

Non-Review Game Reviews

World of Warcraft
Final Fantasy XI
Pariah
Phantasy Star Online: Blue Burst
Matrix Online

---

Game Related Blog Posts

20 Things That P*ss Me Off About Videogames
Breaking Down the System War
An Open Letter to Team Sonic

---

Non-Game Related Blog Posts

The Terrorists Have Won
F*ck Spam

Still can 't get enough? There's more! Check out cjdaweasel.com

We Like Buttons

The console war is just around the corner, and fan boys everywhere are getting their panties in a wad. All you hear is "Wii is a dum namb it 2 sux!" "PS3 is knot 4 teh poorR iTsuxorz" and "XbOOx iz mades bi M$ that means it sux!" And while I don't mind idiots expressing their opinion, I would like it if I could kill whoever decided it would be a good idea to get them a computer. Nothing personal.

You see, ever since the advent of the TV, one thing about humans has become painfully clear: We like buttons. The monkey in us has to have buttons strapped to waists on phones and pagers. We have to have them in our backpacks on PDAs, and Laptops. We have them in our cars in GPSs, cruise Control and radios. The monkey in all of us is a button wh***.

If you're still not convinced of this, lets map the acquisition of buttons in an typical adult's life:

First, we buy a house or apartment, which has breakers, light switches, faucets and other buttons that we flip, push, and even sometimes snap constantly.

But this isn't enough buttons. We need more buttons. So we buy things to put in our domicile that have buttons themselves: Microwaves, d*ld*s, refridgerators, electric b*tt-pl**s, hairdryers, vibrating s*x dolls, computers, or my favorite: the TV.

Now the TV, of course, doesn't seem have enough buttons itself, so we buy more things to add to it to get EVEN MORE buttons. We buy VCRs, DVD players, Universal remotes, and the subject of todays little talk: the gaming system.*

And then for this system, what do you have to have? A controller, a light gun, a glove, and a headset. All with TONS of buttons!

We are literally paying thousands of dollars to have these buttons. So the question arises: How do we tell which buttons to purchase CJ? Help us!

And because that's all I'm here to do, help you, I spent almost minutes compiling data and building my ATBR (Awesomeness-To-Button-Ratio) Theorm to help you decide which console to purchase so you can get the buttons you want and need. Also I've added in some one-liner launch game reviews and an overview of each system. You're welcome.

Theorm Breakdown:
The scale for the ATBR Theorm is 1-100% depending on the theoretical maximum amount of awesome that a button could potentially contain. The scale ranges between:

100% - After pressing the button it spawns a naked supermodel who cleans my house, makes me dinner, and then proceeds to give me a bl**j*b.

1% - When I press the button it burns down my house, reports me to the RIAA, and implants a small chip in my head that feeds a constant stream of Nora Roberts directly into my brain.

To arive at an overall percentage, we take all the awesomeness ratings for each button, average all of the buttons together and divide by a number that I pick at random. Then that number is run through a dehydrater, sealed in a plastic bag, and shipped to NASA for further testing. Then the number is returned in an official envelope marked "RETURN TO SENDER - Please stop sending these to us CJ" where the number is compared to various fruits. Or alternately, if I have to get this posted on Gamespot before my connection flakes out again, I just make up a number.

This number is the Total ATBR. This is an exact science and must NOT be altered.

The Systems:


Nintendo Wii

Overview:
The Wii, sporting an awfully goofy name, looks to be built off of Ipod technology and the "We hate lots of buttons" mentality. I haven't actually seen a Wii (snicker) but from all the screenshots I've seen it looks to be about 500 ft. tall and made of porcelain. But, despite this seemingly expensive construction it's retailing for the low price of $250 USD or about $3,867 Canadian.

Launch Games:
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Nintendo remembers that we never asked for a gay little cartoon Link.
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - Stars a videogame girl that doesn't take her clothes off; bor-ring.
Wii Sports - Not to be convused with "Water Sports" (search for that in Limewire and you'll get that joke).
Madden NFL 2007 - In case you can't get off your but to play the real thing.
Dragon Quest Swords: The Masked Queen and the Tower of Mirrors - As an anacronym is extremely f***ing long.
Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz - -10 points for bad pun referring to an even worse TV show.
Trauma Center: Second Opinion - Trauma Centers take the time for a Second Opinion?
Elebits - Nintendo forgets that we never asked for a Pikimin clone.
Rayman Raving Rabbids - Beating up bunnies? Count me in.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab - Dear. God. No.
Disney/Pixar's Cars - Another movie to game adaptation that I'm sure will rock like all the others before it.

ATBR: 3% - The Wii will have to spread its thin veil of awesomeness over about 12 buttons, which doesn't bode well for the system. If it didn't launch with a Spongebob game, it would have scored around a 23%.


Playstation 3

Overview:
Capitalizing mostly on name, and the confusion that there are enough losers with enough free money to buy it, the PS3 will sport the super-powerful CELL processor. It's not all rosey news about a low-low $600 (that's 5 billion Canadian) price tag since according to my 5th grade science book, only living things have cells. This knowledge coupled with my intimate familiarity with the Terminator series leads me to the conclusion that the PS3 will become self-aware and destroy humanity as we know it. By my calculations this won't be a big loss, though it may make tech support hold times unusually long.

Launch Games:
Resistance: Fall of Man - Some guy gets sick and goes around shooting things.
NBA 07 - Now you can see the guy in the third row hurl his hotdogs and beer at 1080p.
Genji: Days of the Blade - Run around and hit things with a sword. (Not to be confused with the Final Fantasy Series)
Blazing Angels Squadrons of WWII - A completely original game that's also availabe on the Xbox, Xbox 360, PC, and the Wii (snicker).
Call of Duty 3 - Good thing they're releasing another World War II first-person shooter. There just aren't enough of them.
Fight Night Round 3 - Just what you want to see: Two sweaty guys in boxers beating each other's meat.
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion - About as fun as golf, but with a sword. Come to think of it, golf with a sword would be pretty d*** fun.
Need For Speed Carbon - Carbon's atomic symbol is C, which is what I give this game.
Sonic the Hedgehog - The camera will drive you bat-s*** insane.
Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas - At least they stopped numbering these. What is Ranbow Six 2? Rainbow 12?

ATBR: 4% - While the PS3 has anywhere in the vicinity of 12-14 buttons, it has some real issues with its look. Ignoring that it looks to be impossible to stack something on top of it, it has chrome trim on the premium version. Chrome trim on your PS3 is like chrome trim on your car from Wal-Mart. You might as well cover it in Christmas lights because it looks stupid.


Xbox360

Overview:
Microsoft decided to skip 359 other iterations of Xbox and jumped straight to this one. It features an HD-DVD player, a controller that you can get some great distance with, and a lot of the color green. It comes in two versions:
The Premium version, the more expensive one, which comes with a remote, a Hard Drive, a Wireless Controller, Xbvox Live Silver, a Headset, Component HD AV Cable and the cure for Cancer.
The Core system, the cheaper of the two, comes with an "I.O.U. 1 Worthwhile Game System" and some dust. Oh, and a nice cardboard 360 box.

Launch Games:
Amped 3 - Any game with commercials this dumb can't be worth anyone's time.
Condemned - A game about a guy in a jail with bad things.
Kameo: Elements of Power - A game about turning into fluffy cute things.
The Outfit - Probably some sort of Barbie game.
Project Gotham Racing 3 - Between Project Gotham and the Xbox, it's becoming apparent that Microsoft doesn't understand the phrase "Working Title"
Quake 4 - A completely original game about aliens who come to earth to do mean things to us.
Ridge Racer 6 - The sixth in a series of racing games that probably has ridges in it somewhere.
Tony Hawk's American Wasteland - Another Tony Hawk game that ties up some of the loose ends from the previous games.

ATBR 2%: The 360 has 13 buttons but doesn't pack enough punch for them. In fact, the only thing that keeps the 360 from earning even less is that it has Xbox Live which allows you to get online and talk to people just as uninteresting as yourself. That aside lets hope that I don't need 2 Service Packs and 70-something updates before my console will read my sound card.


Conclusion:
Buy a Dreamcast.



                                                                              -cjdaweasel





*I have it on very good authority that the first videogaming system was just a mass of buttons and levers. I believe it was called "The Saxaphone".

In case you didn't know by now, the terrorists have kicked our collective Coalition a**es. And while I'm always right and for the most part not accountable to anyone, I'm sure that there are those of you out there that can't believe me at my word. You need "facts" and "information" to make a decision rather than just agreeing with the butthole that shouts the loudest and then switching over to Deal or No Deal.

For those of you who fit in the latter category I'm going to make you a deal. You read this post and I'll show you a fool-proof way of stopping those crazy fun-loving terrorists from crashing our huge planes into buildings. Deal? Deal.

So if you're not sure I'm correct (You Commie), I've gathered some research to prove my already-true point: The terrorists have flippin' won.

First Study Sample: Beatrice
Beatrice is a lady that I work with that is unbelievably huge. She imbodies the two extremes of hugeness.
The pity: "Oh, that poor thing, she she can barely sit in her chair." (Usually said while convulsing with laughter)
The envy: "I wish I could get that fat and not give a sh**."

The Case:
Prior to 9/11 Bea ate at least 4-6 Little Debbie snack cakes a day. One when she came in, two at lunch, and one after. Sometimes she'd sneak one more in just before then end of work. My crack research squad misses nothing.

Now she eats only about 1 a day and a granola bar. Some say this is because she's trying to lose weight and get better than 12 miles a gallon out of her Fiesta*, but I know the real reason she's trying to lose weight. She's preparing for they day that she will be forced to outrun a crashing commercial airliner.

I know this because every week on the news some terrorist somewhere is crashing, getting piloting lessons for, attempting to blow up, hijaking, or boardind a plane. Who cares about your gas mileage when Northwest Air could drop on your head at any moment?

Second Study Sample: Myself
Remember, if you don't buy things and support the economy, the terrorists win. If you're not spending your little Capitalist heart out, then you lose and bearded guys with AK-47s (At least that's how they are in Rambo movies) totally freakin win. I hate to admit it guys, but I lost the war for us.

The Case:
I am a terrible back to school shopper. I had a couple of classes that I needed to buy some supplies for. Being the unpatriotic self-centered jerk that I am, I cannibalized what I could from my last semester's classes and ended up only needing to buy two things. A folder and a ballpoint pen two-pack which added up to something like 2.39.

2.39?!?! The Economy majors out there will notice that this is even less when you consider the taxes that get taken out. Only something like 30 cents of the total actually goes to the government. You can't build a bomb on that! You can't even buy an entire cartridge of bullets for that. Heck that's not even enough to buy a folder and a ballpoint pen two-pack. What are we going to do? Teach them to death?

How to Beat the Terrorists

We seem doomed. Beatrice is so scared of falling airliners that she's started eating more healthily and I've sentenced us all to certain death by not buying a day planner. Since Terrorists love to board planes and slam them into buildings that most Americans are only half aware even existed, then we need to head this off at the source.

First of all, we need to understand the terrorist mind. This breaks down into three basic thoughts:
1) Kill everyone who disagrees with me.
2) Women should not wear short-shorts or tanktops.
3) The Alf TV series sucked and therefor the culture that created it must die.

Now, while I'm pretty sure that to some degree all of us agree with the third statement, the first and second are rediculous.

If you kill everyone that disagrees with you then who are you going to pick on in highschool? And of course, who are you going to flame at 3 in the morning on a message board on Gamespot for thinking that Mario is better than Sonic? I'll tell you, NO ONE.

Number two actually confuses me more than number one. Is there any straight male out there that does NOT want to see half-clothed women? I'm not asking if your morals or religion allow it, I'm asking if you want to see it. Deep down every male will answer yes, more please. We all want to see it. In fact we'd all be happy if you women wore nothing. And ergo, we have my solution to the terrorist problem.

Some airfare companies are already taking measures to protect us, the scared-sh**less American. They've been banning obviously dangerous things like knives, nose-hair trimmers, and deoderant.

But just recently though they've expanded the list to include things that I didn't even know people brought on board airplanes (Why in the world would you bring a camcorder on a plane? Like your home videos weren't boring enough). This list consists of a number of items that even if you gave all of them to a team of McGuyver, Terminator, and Ninja Steve they'd still have difficulty killing anything more vicious than a retarded wombat.

My problem with this list doesn't lie in its extreme number of potentially unharmful carry-ons as much as it lies in the system not going far enough. Airlines should ban EVERYTHING including earrings, toasters, and... wait for it... clothing.

Follow me on this. If terrorists don't like seeing women in regular clothing (see above research), then they really won't like seeing them naked, right? So they won't board the plane in the first place. Now, assuming that a terrorist overcomes his desire to avert his eyes from temptations, and boards the plane, then where the h*** is he going to stick a bomb? All security would have to look for is the middle-eastern guy walking a bit funny. Blamo! Captured terrorist. Am I a genius or what?

Before you go and say "Ha.ha. Very funny CJ." and pass it off as an semi-amusing thought remember that one terrorist tried to blow up a plane with his shoes. Which if memory serves, is indeed an article of clothing. You know I'm right. No Clothes = No Bombs bigger than your anus.

I'm going to make you nay-sayers a deal, at the first sign of a terrorist putting a bomb up his butt and walking onto a plane naked, we'll revise my plan. Deal? Deal.





*For those of you who don't know what kind of car a Fiesta is: good. You should keep it that way. They suck.



-cjdaweasel

Dear Team Sonic,

What the f*ck are you doing? I've been a devout fan of Sonic the Hedgehog since the Genesis. I love Sonic, and I like Tails, and I will usually crush Dr. Eggman (Eggman, Egghead, Robotnik... whatever) if given the time. But I feel that the Sonic series has taken a decided turn for the crappy, and someone needs to say something. Through research, time and frustratingly boring gameplay I think I've narrowed down my three major complaints with the new games:

1) Please stop adding characters to my Sonic games.

Really and honestly Sega I give less than a sh!t about Peach and that stupid alligator. I don't want to beat the game with 52,000 different characters that are just clones of the three main characters: Sonic, Tails and Knuckles. I never asked for that, and from my reasearch (see above) neither did anyone else. Please remove all of them, except for Shadow. He can stay.

2) Please stop making levels so flippin slow.

I play sonic so I can fly through a level a top-notch speed. Unless I missed a meeting, which is entirely possible, that's what Sonic is about. I will take the time to admit that you have been pretty good about this, but there should never EVER be a time where I have to stop Sonic and line up a shot before I jump. If I wanted to play something slow and easy I'd play Mario.

3) Please stop making Final Fantasy 7 : Sonic Edition.

All of the sudden Sonic can gain levels and pull off limit breaks. Let's stop pretending. He's already got the spikey hair, why not just give him a sword and be done with it. I'm up to my scrotum in bad RPGs, I don't need another one.

Seriously guys, what the h*ll are you smoking?,
CJ