This is a essay one of my friends wrote last year before school ended. The topic was how you spent Father's Day Last Year, and well...she doesn't have a dad.
She says my name in the essay, because we had a fight that year. I don't wanna say who's fault was what, because it's not really anybody elses business, but we solved it.
I thought that this might help Brenda, because I read her blog, and she's upset, so I wanted to do something to show her that I really do care.
You're not alone Brenda, and I know that you may feel like you're placed in a basket with a bunch of other kids with the same problem when I say that, and that you need individual attention, but people do care about you individually. You just have to realize that.
Here's the essay...
Growing up without a father is hard.
I've suffered from it, and I know how it feels.
Instead of growing up in a house with normal (however normal it may be) brothers and sisters, and loving parents, with tons of money where I can buy anything and everything, I ended up living with my single mother, her boyfriend, my annoying younger siblings (four), in an poor neighborhood, in a small stupid house that isn't even ours.
I guess it's not right to complain, but I have so much hurt inside that I just have to let it out.
I've tried hiding it by getting boyfriends, but when they break up with me, it hurts so much worse.
I wanna feel acceptance from someone, and that's why I have boyfriends all the time. I don't feel loved at home.
Friends, if I don't even know my dad then he isn't gonna know them. Besides most of the time, I don't count them as my friends.
I can tell most of them don't like me, and I put a fake smile on my face when I see them.
My friend Carissa was my best friend for a short period of time, before she hurt my feelings, and I avoided her for quite some time.
After that it went further down the drain.
Mom kept yelling at me, and her boyfriend didn't help either.
My brothers and sisters were (and still are) annoying as ever.
After Carissa and I worked out our problem, she insisted that I go to her church youth group, and I went, that is until the youth minister decided to leave.
I vowed never to go back to church since then. I trusted her youth minister, and he left. He left the whole youth group with broken hearts, and watery eyes.
It's been harder and harder to trust people, the way my life's been going, getting my heart broken over and over again, and putting a fake smile on my face.
It seems endless.
I pray every night, besides the fact that I won't ever go to church again.
I wish that my life was better, instead of being crummy.
I've tried to commit suicide I don't know how many times, but something keeps stopping me.
The urgency of life?
How I might be affecting my younger siblings lives if I kill myself?
God?
These questions are never answered.
And I know that this has nothing to do with Father's Day and how I spent it, but I think part of it is.
I don't have a dad, not even a step-dad...yet, or anyone like a fatherly figure. (Except for God, but he doesn't really care.)
But what I really find upsetting, is when people say that they hate their parents, because they have no idea.
Some people understand, and are grateful for having parents, but those who don't, should really try living a day in my shoes.
Father's Day?
In my opinion it's a day when you can celebrate, appreciate, and be grateful for someone who loves you, and is there for you in a loving manor.
I don't have a father, and I don't really know if having one would affect my life or not, but I'm happy for the people that can spend a day with theirs, even though I might feel somewhat jealous.
I truly hope that you feel better Brenda. If you get on IM, you talk, and I'll listen, I promise I'll always be there for you whenever you wanna talk to me.
-Chrissy :P
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