Something. So. Me. Thin. G. Thing of some.

Quiet you. I'm going to explain a very wonderful game. It's immaculate in its minimalist design, infinitely articulate through its few words, and a profound execution of the accumulation of concepts fundamentally understood. Lessons learned are only truely learned when they are used as the foundation for something new; and there was most certainly some well-done teaching here. This game is also neither 'better' solo or with others, and that is what any game with network capabilities should strive to be.

Red robes, white robes, sentient textiles. The mystical energy of mountains. A cycle of sustainability. Creation through destruction. Perpetual apotheosis. Light.

Yes, I am talking about Katawa Shoujo. Game of the Year 2012. Also going to be game of the year in 2013 too. It's just that good.

Alrighty, so I run on a special graf-only calender that says that the next year starts on the onset of March and not the first of January. With that said, 2011 was a pretty great year. Unless you think it wasn't, then I guess that's just too bad for you.

Portal Integerinbetweenoneandthree came out and every and their grandmas played it, besides me because I was too busy playing the build of Half-Life 3 that Mr. Newell sent me. It wasn't very good; spoilers. While we are on the subject of Valve, my team of ninja spies reported back to me that Valve, Google, and Exxon Mobile are going to merge and initiate Project 2502. They called it Hyron at first, but they realized it was a poorly done reference to an obscure Greek word for shrine so they decided to be sci-fi nerds and went with the current name. Project 2502 is a very complicated and devious plan. The impact it will have on our modern global civilization is indecipherable. It could change the very universe. God himself will be challenged.

Project 2502 is a plan to make real-life versions of Team Fortress 2 hats. I have a bunker full of duct tape, MREs, and a rubik cube; I'm ready, are you?

Also, my spies told me Sony was behind their own hacking. It was Kaz Hirai's final test to become CEO of the company. I guess he succeeded, good for him. Sony also did some other stuff, like release the PS VITAMIN. It's a medicine dispenser that you attach to your belly button. Whenever you are feeling anything, it stabs you with a syringe filled of heavy-metals, light-metals, and other electronic-waste refuse. Comes in both 3-gee and why-phi. I got a Nintendo 3DS instead because I love rushed hardware that is released far too early. I got Lumines: MORE BEATZ for it, which is a pretty cool game. Too bad I need to buy the Secondary Analog Nub 32x to properly play it.

Intermission (actually I ran out of ideas so I went to go play some Dustforce. Thought up some more stuff, returned.)

Anyways, last year Assassins Creed III came out. It is set in the United States during the Revolutionary War. In it you play as Benjamin Franklin and kill Native Americans with your superior technology. Bethesda, who makes the Assassins Creed games, should of just made another Assassins Creed game where you play as Ezio Audiotoreallydouchebagguy instead.

Capcom released Skyrim last year. It sounds like a porn game but instead you run around and shout at dragons. I did not play it. Because I want Capcom to make another 'good' fighting game, like a sequel to Marvel versus Capcom 2. In fact, Capcom should release the vanilla version early in the year, then the inevitable upgraded Super/Ultimate/Championship version only a few months later! Wow, what a great idea, I think I'll skip the vanilla version, as it will obviously be broken and terribly unbalanced. The upgraded version with all the tweaks and changes will be so much better... but for some reason I get this feeling tha- LEVEL 4 X-FACTOR TAKING YOU TO 8.95fm RADIO, WHERE WE SERVE UP AN HOUR OF COMBO HIT-SCALING FREE OPTION-SELECT MIXUPS.

Also in 2011, this anime game came out where you play as this guy who has these nightmares about climbing blocks. The nightmares are metaphors about how you are trying to escape your mother's basement but you only have your own tears to defend yourself. Its a good thing you find this scepter with a talking skull on it that can transform into three different weapons; the Arch, Gale, and Veil. Each weapon is tied to a different gang that you will eventually take over using the power of the color purple and your various homies. These homies are placed in a pseudo open-world, which is not as tightly designed as the hub world from the first game.

Lastly, Rock of Ages was a game where you play as a very masculine witch. You have two swords and yellow eyes. There is a large man who did stuff that you are chasing. It was a great game. Too bad my laptop caught fire when I tried to run it even at low settings, which in turn lead me to not finish it yet. Perhaps I will in 2012.

I don't care about anything anymore. Except the new Knights of the Old Republic 3: MMO Version update. It has taken over my life. I don't go to cIasses anymore. I barely even eat. There's just so much trolling to be done concerning it that I can't let up for even a second. Do you play it? If so, I am laughing at you now, although I'm probably asleep. But I'm still laughing. In my dreams. Yes, in my dreams I am laughing.

Games of the video; I play them.

My main man Mr. Hiryu is back. Mr. Doom is already at the party. All I need is someone who can do an assist uppercut no matter what's on the screen and my team is back. Get ready for chip damage victories and surprise robo-animal stampede supers. Ultimate Marvel versus Capcom 3 is looking to be my jam.

This isn't all about recently announced version 2.0's of fighting games though. There will be some other things... like this really poor ending sentence.

Videogames. They are thing that is happening. And it is good.

It's secretly all about;

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6

Actually, I just saw the 'G' Gamespot logo icon and I thought it was the number six while I was somewhere else on the internet. I combined the letter and number to form 'G6'. I heard Far East Movement's song earlier on the radio. Inspiration for a fail blog, that's how it works.

Did something important happen last week? I feel like I missed out on something pretty important... oh well, back to playing Photograph Boy. Damn, I can't wait for Mortal Kombat II next year.

Grumble. Putting a digital axe to the wheels of blog bandwagons is my specialty, but I guess I'll play along for this tagging charade. Grumble.

Rotund violins... and what instrument involves a telescope and a huge lemon, Mr. Fellow in the Bottom Right.

phoenyx9 tagged me. What's that? No link to my taggers profile? I only create links with BBcode, thank you very much. I have principles that must be followed.

Incase you don't know the rules for this tagging game yet:

1. Put Your iTunes (or other music player) on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag at least 10 friends.
6. Anyone tagged has to do the same, because fun pointlessness spreads like a virus.
Do it! Don't cheat! It's creepy how odd some of the answers turn out...

The graf version of instructions.

1. Put your music player on the setting that randomizes the songs.

2. Play music.

3. For each question press the 'next' button and use the name of the song that comes up for your answer.

4. Write some comments in brackets, if you wish.

5. Torture ten others.

Alright, enough beating around the bush, here it is.

1. If someone says, "Is This Okay?" You Say:

November by Helix (I am putting comments for every answer, because I can. This was a terrible comment, I know, the others will be better.)

2. How would you describe yourself?

55 Dollars by Visioneers (Fifty-five greenbacks is the monetary value right in between the launch retail prices for video games of last generation and this generation; now that's got to be symbolic.)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?

Death Wish by Force of Nature (You have to kill me to be my friend.)

4. How do you feel today?

Groovitron 11 by David Bergeaud (Groovy, all day every day. This is a song from Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction and there are no official names for the music tracks, but this is one of the songs that can play when you use the groovitron.)

5. What Is Your Life's Purpose?

Twilight on Mars by Thomas Schwartz (I am not going to that rock; ya'll got to terra-form it for me first.)

6. What is your motto?

I am Ahab by Mastodon (I will conquer that mountain put to sea.)

7. What do your friends think of you?

L'Oiseau Du Bonheur by Capcom (French!? In English that translates into 'the bird of the good man.' Also, there are multiple composers for each Megaman Zero game [where this song comes from], and since I don't know which game this is from, and I don't know who composed this song, and since all the artist text for this song is in Japanese, I just said Capcom.)

8. What do you think of your parents?

The Golden Star Fallen During a Short Night by Natsuko Naitou (I am just as confused.)

9. What do you think about very often?

Absolute by Fat Jon (Immaculate extremities or bust.)

10. What is 2+2?

Sea of Frozen Crystals by Kimihiro Abe (This is from Mushihime-sama Futari v1.5 and this is the song that plays in stage 2, good enough.)

11. What do you think of your best friend?

Highs 2 Lows by Nujabes (Heh.)

12. What do you think of the person you like?

Smoker by Visioneers (I hate everyone, but that person is probably a smoker.)

13. What is your life story?

Jupiter Calling by Thomas Schwartz (It's like there's a planet sized magnet out there trying to get me. Also this is similar to question 5, to an extent.)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ordinary Joe by Nujabes (Extraordinary Bob sounds cooler.)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Show No Tears by Nemesis Theory (This is just like question 12. Also, who started this thing anyways? It needs better questions, and more of them.)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Serah's Theme by Square-Enix (I didn't even play Final Fantasy XIII, but I have the OST for some reason. I'm not sure which of the three composers for the game composed this.)

17. What will they play at your funeral?

World's End Rhapsody by Nujabes (I am the final nocturne, the last requiem, the omega waltz; enter my office and your iPod explodes.)

18. What is your hobby/interest?

If Anything by Orland Beltran (Seriously; who has hobbies or interests?)

19. What is your biggest fear?

Summer Gypsy by Nujabes (You know it.)

20. What is your biggest secret?

So High (remix) by Fausto Fanizza (How else can my mind go from thinking about anime maids with scythes fighting velociraptors to Roccoco architecture?)

21. What do you think of your friends?

Fly [Small Circle of Friends] by Tsutchie (No joke, that bracket and text is really after the song title. Small Circle of Friends is a rap group, but this song is produced by Tsutchie.)

22. What will you put as the title?

Modal Soul by Nujabes (I am a relaxed jazzy processed beech tree spirit.)

23. Are the rest of the questions part of the original 'interview'?

Oblivion by Mastodon (Obviously.)

24. What is your car's nickname?

Dead Season by Nujabes (Mother Nature's Oldsmobile or Pestilence's chariot?)

25. Did you enjoy the Reagan administration?

Electric Relaxation by A Tribe Called Quest (Wasn't alive then, but it seemed pretty relaxed.)

26. What would you do in a zombie apocalypse?

Thank You by Nujabes (Not you, but the zombies.)

27. When walking down the street, what do you think is the first thing that comes to mind when people see you?

World Without Words by Nujabes (Cannot express this mental universe, that is me alright.)

28. What did you think of Evo 2010?

Kimi ga Irukara (long version) by Square-Enix (I was melancholy in fact.)

29. The purple pill or the green pill?

Save Me Dear by Ghostface Killah (Yeah man, neither.)

30. Why did graf add more questions?

Omoide wa Okkusenman! by Jam Project (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... the irony is so think.)

Those who are now tagged by me.

1-10. Mufujifi

Mufu, you have to do it 10 times because you were tagged ten times. Deal with it.

Slept through the first in line;

9:00 AM?

That is nowhere near divine.

I lack the Are-E-Em.

-

Tretton starts my day.

I like the new feeling of confidence.

But I think in the end it won't pay;

there's only enough room for one in providence.

-

E3 Home virtualization.

That's a nice touch.

I'll make one proclamation;

appreciated; not so much

-

as the PSP resurgence attempt.

Marcus seems cool.

But it'll be met with contempt,

This style makes you quite a fool.

-

More Snake, Kratos, and Sackboy.

At least the latter's editor

made me feel joy.

But it's nothing compared to the many PC victor.

-

Delusions are fine, but Gran Turismo does not exist.

I know this for a fact so do not resist.

November second 2011,

Please, let's not get our dates towards heaven.

-

My crew returns, you gave me tears.

Helicopters, snipers, two special attacks… I have no fear.

Nuke mode, oh god, yes yes yes.

I look forward to the eternal mess.

-

I seemed to have came a bit late and missed all the Move.

Perhaps my timing is impeccable; or maybe it had a real groove.

Your conference was, quite nice and splendid.

I'm being absolutely… candid.

The laughter; I could not stop.

You're just too funny.

But I'm proud you didn't bleed a single drop

of your true green blood to make some money.

-

What with the animals, sports, and another new console Ess-Kay-You;

I believe it's needed and the built in wi-fi is a positive point,

but deep down I know it made you think too...

The corset, vent, and stylish new angles; the design team? To whom did you appoint?

-

Lucasarts, Rare, and Crytek as well;

my my, a line-up of high potential

that's really quite swell.

But don't you forget the most basic essentials.

-

I'm aware hardware is your forte,

but, indeed, that is no good excuse,

to have your own studios seem slightly bjork.

Perhaps, it is time to find another muse?

-

A while ago, when the market was narrow, I remember,

when the sting of another was treated like that of a silly little bee.

But I suppose now it's better to just suit-up and become another member.

As the French say; 'Oui oui'.

-

I am not a cynic nor a terrible pessimistic.

You're performance was simply, quite.. anachronistic.

Had you been 'first', ironically you presently are;

my reaction would only be, when compared as now, slightly ajar.

-

However, amongst all the insanity and profanity

I think I saw a glimmering sliver of intellectual humanity.

Oh wait, that was just a long forgotten anomaly of jolly,

how ridiculous of me to have had any preemptive feelings like that of a happy little collie.

-

Although this part may not rhyme and it's barely even connected to the rest above

I think it'd be to your advantage to heed my advice like an olive-branch weilding dove.

Do not become like me, for I sap away the magic, wonderment, and joy;

I replace it with numbers, stats, and ship it away in my own personal convoy.

At least, in this case. That's right ya'll… I'm going to get Resonance of Fate and I'm going to not get Final Fantasy XIII. "You scrummy little hypocrite graf, you're the guy who always says 'Instead of deciding on one game over another… why not just get both?' ". I still follow that mantra. It's a maxim that I hold close, but you see, my headline for this blog is worded in such a way to simply draw you in, and nothing more. Now that I have fulfilled my honesty quota, of a whopping amount of 'one', I will write lies for the rest of this piece.

I've always considered games in their own separate individual spheres. Although I can easily convince any of you to not get God of War 3 by tearing it apart and using big words that make me look smart, that task would be all the easier if I were to compare it to other games. However that is not my agenda, at least today, and I'll let you all be free of the knowledge that comes from thinking about games far, far too much.

I never directly compared Resonance of Fate and FFXIII; in fact I was considering getting both ever since they were announced. But now it's different. I guess; the magical allure of FFXIII has worn off. In the back of my mind I always felt like it was never going to get released, and if it does, well it'll be like the release of Duke Nukem Forever… in other words, its awesomeness would be too much to handle. Well it's out now, and to be honest, I just don't care about it now.

It's not the JRPG I want at all; it revels in its orthodox design and acts like a franchise reboot. It's a 'My First FF game' type of deal. And I don't want that; I want a FF game that doesn't take 15 hours to finally open up, and one that doesn't condense the formula to just the very core. Although FF games have never been the most robust JRPG's, FF13 has absolutely no meat on it. I'm not saying it is a bad or a good game; what I'm saying is that from a mechanical and functional standpoint it is simply not the JRPG I want to play.

Also it follows the tradition of many recent Squenix titles by not including traditional Final Fantasy themes, music, and characters. Where are my moogles (I know about this one, but don't say anything to spoil it for others)? Where is my airship? Where is Cid (again, I know, but don't spoil it, playability/NPC statuses do count as spoilers)? Where is the Prelude? Please, I'm not one to wallow on old traditions and I'm the last person to write off FFXIII as a non-FF game simply because it lacks these elements. But to me, their absence is just another notch on my list of frowny-faces that FF13 has given me.

So, why didn't they put one of these in again?

So yeah, that's why I'm not going to get FF13. Even in the future, when it's real cheap and whatnot, I just won't bother with it. Just a quick history of me and the FF franchise: I've only played II, IV, and IX by myself. I back-seat gamed V, VII, and VIII. I played through most of X, and XII, but never finished them, since I grew to dislike them the more I played. Although I know the whole story of X, but I don't know how XII concludes, nor do I really care. I know most of what goes on in I, III, and VI. Of course X-2 and XI don't count. So perhaps that will give you some perspective of me and the FF franchise.

It seems I have very little reason to make such an adamant decision to not play FFXIII, especially considering I am a fan of the series. However, although I will never criticize JRPG's as a genre, I will always be the first to criticize a game within the genre; and FFXIII has certainly fallen under my cranky old eagle-eye of denigration.

---

Now Resonance of Fate caught my eye the moment I saw it. The flashy gunfights, steampunk setting, customizable characters… all in a JRPG? I would like that very much please. While it is unorthodox in nearly every facet, it still feels like a JRPG.

I'll be perfectly honest with you, if anyone plays a JRPG looking for a great story, they make goldfish look smart. JRPG's have crap stories and they always will. And Resonance of Fate has a, at best, below-average story. Although, what is considered an 'average' story in the world of the JRPG? I don't care though. I hear it has its moments of humor and from what I've seen the characters appear bearable; and that's all I ask out of the narratives in my JRPGs.

Resonance of Fate's combat system is the good-old 'so punishing until you finally learn it, and even then it's still really tough' type of deal. Also, it doesn't do the metaphorical 'gray-out' method of limiting the battle mechanics until the game is absolutely sure you've learned what it wants you to learn, like majority of JRPG's. There is no gradual spoon-feeding of mechanics; instead it dumps all the bells and whistles on your head the moment you fire it up and lets you sort them out for yourself. Tutorials? From what I've heard there is one, but it's very brief and doesn't help that much, that's a plus in my book. I haven't played a game like that in a long time, so I'm rather excited to sink my teeth into this combat system.

This is what I'm talking about.

I would like to point out that I am not a fan of Tri-Ace, at all. I've never enjoyed the Star Ocean series and their recent works haven't caught my eye in the slightest. But after I get Resonance of Fate, I'll be more willing to take a second look at their works. Squenix on the other hand… well, I'll just say that I miss the Softer days.

Twisted Metal is amazing! I was a fool for being turned off by the series as a kid. The weird metallic flaming clown face on the box art always gave me this weird feeling. Plus at that age the box art on games, or just about anything, was at times, enough to push me towards or away from a game.

Yeah... I'd rather get the game with the oversized koala thing wearing sunglasses whose sitting on a motorcycle on the box art.

But I was browsing amazon for cheap PS2 games, because that's what I do in my free time, since I'm still trying to create the PS2 library to slay all PS2 libraries. Seriously, the PS2 has an infinite amount of awesome games. My PS2 library is just under 60 and I still have some games that I'm hunting for. Anyways, I saw Twisted Metal: Black... for $3.95. I think to myself; 'that's that weird car-combat series of games with the funky box art with a fiery shark clown... eh, might as well, it's just four bucks... although the box art for this entry in the series is like the psychotic surreal remix version.' Well the shipping and handling was a bit steep, don't remember exactly but it was over five dollars, but I was still eagerly awaiting its arrival.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiigggghht... because this is much more appealing than the flaming t-rex circus clown backup man.

Well I shipped the game to myself in college, but my PS2's back home. I wouldn't be able to play it until I go back home anyways, so I just put it in my desk drawer. So, I've been home since last friday, I have this week off for some reason (my college is weird), and after having put quite a lot of time into Twisted Metal: Black, I'm shocked.

Shocked at how it seems this series is almost forgotten nowadays. Now, I will say that I think I have played the earlier games, Black is the fifth game in the series, a little bit. I vaguely remember playing the first two for a wee bit at a friends. Or maybe I just saw him play it a little? Either way, I was familiar with the gameplay, sort of, and at least I knew it was a car-combat series. But still, as I said to begin this article, Twisted Metal is amazing. I don't think the series was ever super popular, but with seven games in the series it had to be doing well commercially, right? Even so, I did hear about a rumor that a new next-gen Twisted Metal recently, to say I'm excited is kind of downplaying it.

Alrighty then... you stay far away from me.

Now I did some research and it seems after Black there were only two other games, one for PSP and one that came out back on the PS1. The latter sounds weird and it was criticized as such. It's clear that Black was the last hurrah of sorts, as anything after it seemed to just vanish like free pizza at an anime convention. The second one seems to be the fan favorite of the series, while the third and fourth are given props, of course the original is shown respect as well.

Black is considered by some to be the tightest gameplay-wise, but most seemed 'indifferent' towards the new creepy, dark sort of aesthetic. I say indifferent as fans still enjoyed the game, and not many were turned off by the new vibe, rather the turn in cosmetical attention to a gritty, slightly disturbing atmosphere seemed to not affect the reception of the game greatly. The change was noticed and is always mentioned, but it's never brought up as a negative point. I for one really dig the aesthetic.

I say 'AWESOME!'; but some fans said 'errr, what?'.

Anyways, Twisted Metal is amazing, third time saying that, and if you have a PS2 and are like me, trying to build a killer library for it, this is a much worthy addition. I could talk about the game itself; how it's simply designed in overall structure and gameplay, and how that simplicity greatly helps it (menu's are clear and your goal is always the same, kill the other cars); or how the controls, to a newcomer like me, seemed absolutely horrid at first, seem extremely natural after a few rounds (protip: try each of the three schemes and see what fits you best); or how the manifestation of its digitally coded visuals and audio through a TV are still impressive today (it looks and sounds pretty damn good).

It's a very interesting game and one that I know I will be putting a lot of time in. The challenge is steep but nowhere near impossible; in fact the difficulty is pretty much set at the perfect level. All-in-all, Twisted Metal: Black is so great that it inspired me to write this specific article; that's right, instead of waxing poetic about my lamentations on Bioshock 2; praising Bayonetta for it's clever references; talking about the reasons, both from a design and gameplay perspective, on the inclusion of the fishing mini-game in Muramasa; bragging about how I so easily beat SYNSO 2... my pen, or rather my laptop keys, were brought out of writers retirement to write this. Oh, I play Roadkill.

I did not know that jackhammers ran on compressed air until recently, I am somewhat surprised at my ignorance. I thought an electric piston or something powered it, but I was always wrong. Oh well.

Oh yeah, games, we are here to talk about them, or rather you are here to hear me talk about them, so here I go.

So I lied; I don't really want to discuss any one game or anything, I kind of just wanted to write about my... life, actually, and a certain engine that came out last month that has gotten me very excited. You see, I've come to a point in my life where I've finally been able to look back and realize that I've been one stupid nincompoop.

Here I am, in college, taking classes aimlessly and doing well without putting in any effort, just like public school back home. Right now is the time I can, and should, be going after my goal as a game designer. But no; I'm in a school where even media arts and physical arts themselves are not supported strongly. I'm not taking any courses that can help me make a game. I have no knowledge of programming at all either. I want to make games, but I'm not doing anything to help myself.

Come late last year and everything changed. Good old Rock, Paper, Shotgun decided to make a game from scratch using the Unity engine. Now of course this isn't the first time a solid, adaptable, 3D capable engine has been availible for free, but it's the first time one's been released since I actually learned that games are made by people and don't just appear on the shelves in stores.

While the RPS crew aren't very bright, they are from England (har har har), with the help of community members, mainly for art and music assets, and just the sheer userfriendliness of Unity; their game project is really coming along nicely. I have been inspired, truely, and I have decided that I will make a game by the end of this year using Unity. Or at least fully design a game.

Do I honestly see myself in the game industry in the future? No, I don't. But I do see myself working solo on my own game projects. Will I be able to live off of my video game works? Absolutely not, since I'll probably release them for free. But hey, I love games so much I just want to make some.

I don't know about you guys. But ever since Unity has been released for free, I've just had this feeling in me that causes me to grin randomly. I get happy just thinking that I really can make my own games, the games I want to play, the games that I love. You may think that it's not a big deal, but it is to me. There's tons of solo game makers that have created some amazing things, I never thought I would ever be able to do that. I'm not very good with computers, and I really don't know my way around any media or art program. Hell, putting in a header in Microsoft Word is hard for me already.

Even now, with all the research I've been doing, tentatively fooling around in Unity, watching tutorials on animation and texturing and whatnot, I still don't feel like I can ever make a game, even a 2D one. But, I still randomly get the grinning sensation just as strongly as I did the day Unity was released. It's like the iron wall that seperated me and the game making process has been lifted slightly thanks to Unity. Perhaps I'm getting way ahead of myself, I have much to learn, but the barriers in front of me aren't going to stop me from grinning at the impossible possibilities.

So there it is, the most intimate glimpse you will ever get of me probably. The game making process may not seem so insurmountable to you as it does to me, hell, maybe some of you are talented in flash, or C++, or something, already. But I just feel good, even though I have nothing done yet, Unity is simply making me a happier person.

Note: I didn't write this in Word first, just used the GS blog box. Hopefully it's not too painful to read... oh wait, if you're reading this you already read it... then, I guess, I hope it wasn't too painful to read.