Yep. A lot changes when you're gone for a week and not in a very GameSpot-y mood. So many blogs left untagged. So many unions left ungraced by my prescence. So many PMs that I deleted out of the sheer fact that I couldn't read all of them. Truth be told, I'm starting to get bored, and I really haven't felt like visiting GameSpot much (especially since I've become pre-occupied with achieving my ever-elusive dream avatar on Gaia). Really, I don't know what to say. I'm pretty much just a little sick of this place, believe or not. Doesn't mean I won't be coming on, but I'm...just not in a particularly awesome mood. I've been doing various things with my time (like starting back up into my fiction writing, and playing Final Fantasy V Advance which, by the way, is f**king awesome).

Yeah. Until then...

Oh...almost forgot...

That's what 2,000 gold can get you on Gaia.

Until then.

Okay, so now that I got the whole "infantilism/diaper lover/babyfur" thing out of my system, I'm feeling much better :D. Uhhhh, yeah...don't be surprised if I bring anything up concerning that in the future (if I did, it wouldn't be anything fetish-driven :P). Yep...looking for babyfur fiction right now, because I got done with one that didn't end and now I'm pissed :|:evil: (no pun intended :lol: ). But none of you probably care, and you're all probably getting uncomfortable being around me right now :lol:. [is done talking about his weird infantilistic hobbies] Aaaaaaaanyways...:P

News flash from GaiaOnline...I got one of my avatar art commissions finished. It didn't quite turn out how I expected it to...nevertheless, it was a good 2500 gold spent, and I even got a 500 gold discount :P.

That's not quite what I'd hoped it would be, but...it'll do :P. Yes, I'm quite obsessed with avatar art right now (that one was of my dream avatar with a few things omitted, in order to make it easier for the artist to draw). The next one, however, is one I ABSOLUTELY can't wait to get 8).

That might as well be a reference picture for Aeonis when I finally get back to my writing mood and start doing the rest of my fan fic :lol:. It's only a sketch, FYI. The real thing will be colored and look much better...and cost 2000 gold :P. Well worth it, if you ask me...that one's of my current avatar. Still need a s**tload of stuff for it, all of which run on the Gaia marketplace for way more than I could ever hope to afford...well...okay, they're not THAT bad, but...it's gonna be a long haul ;). And, uh...I've vastly revamped my Gaia profile since you guys probably last saw it. It's here. I'm awesome 8).

And I hope you have fun on Gaia, alx :).

Which also reminds me...I purchased a Sealed Envelop that'll open and give me a "donation" item (I use the quotes because I bought the thing on the market...couldn't shell out the $2.50 for it :P) at the middle of the month :D. Hope one of the things is something red and/or black and/or gold. If not...I'll wait for inflation to carry the price up :lol:.

Yep...until then 8).

(No status blog yet...and still no posts in my unions as of late...)

Of course I knew the day would come: the day when I finally confess to you all. No longer will I hide in the dark, in fear of what I am, for I can finally see the light. I have sorted out my depression and sought help with my problems on the internet, and come to the conclusion that it’s time. I thank all of you for being such good friends to me, and for telling me that you’ll still be my friends even after I say this. In my year of struggling for acceptance, I have found it…I’ve found everything I was looking for. Now, for the moment of truth…what I’ve hidden for so long is that…

I’m an infantilist.

I know that at least half of you have never heard of infantilism. Even I, myself, find it somewhat gross (or at least I did before). But now I can finally accept what I am. Quite simply put, it’s the desire to act out as, be treated like, and/or become an infant, whether helpless or not. It is indeed something awkward for me to talk about (I’m shaking as I even type this…), but I have to say something about this…I just have to. Infantilism is divided into two parts: DL (diaper lover) and AB/TB (adult baby/teen baby). From what I can tell, I’m mostly DL (but I differ in certain areas).

It began at age five. That was when I first became more aroused by the thought of diapers. For some reason, I could never get them off of my mind. It was like a great poison, a great plague, that spread across me. I didn’t wanna tell anyone at that age, because even I thought it was weird and strange. I always pretended I wasn’t like that, but I couldn’t get away from it. It was because that we’re trained to grow past that stage of our life. Infancy is something that should never be revisited, but for my kind, it can’t be helped. I hid for nine years, and I always thought I was the only one like this; the only one unfortunate enough to be born with this state of mind.

But thoughts of that soon changed…

It began with a simple internet search a little less than a year ago. I remember it well. For the sake of you, my friends, I will not go into detail about what I found. It was a Geocities site on Yahoo!. All I can say is that I found images of what I sought after, and two words: diaper lover. I was horribly confused by this. Further research on Wikipedia led me to the page listed above, where I learned most of what I now know. Three days of further research into my condition, and I snapped. I tried to bury all tracks on the internet and all thoughts in my mind about what I saw, panicking all the while. But nothing I could do would erase those images…but…it was both horrifying and pleasuring at the same time.

It was the first time I’d felt like this: relieved and scarred for life all at once. Why? I’d found out that others, thousands of others, were like me. And yet the practices they did, while similar to what I desired, were such alien things to me that I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I pushed it all to the back of my mind, and kept it there for four months. It was bad enough that my “sin” of wanting to revert to a previous time of age was tugging at my conscience, telling me not to blab to anyone at all, but it was even worse that I now knew exactly what it was and to the furthest extent of what it held. I hid it as best as I could. Then, after four months had passed…

…I discovered something even more…

But this something was…different. While it did involve my DL side, it was truly innocent in nature. An extension to my infantilism was revealed to me when I decided to revisit it all. I looked on deviantART and found artwork depicting animals (most being children and some being adults) wearing diapers or acting like infants. Confusion hit me…was this just simply art that depicted it for the purpose of just doing it, or was it more? Some were the first, others were the second. Two months ago, I looked into it on Wikipedia, and found another term that would come to haunt me. It combined both infantilism and furry fandom, with which I wondered were possible…

I was also a babyfur.

This term is a generalization of a generalization (a generalized subgroup of a bigger grouping). Babyfur covered different roles, but I myself preferred artwork of the child animals, nothing more. Some adult pictures aroused me, but…well, it wasn’t the same. This time, I wasn’t disgusted by what I saw. Moreover, though it involved the disgusting things I’d seen before to a small degree, I was perfectly fine with it. When I learned about this, I had matured mentally a bit from my previous encounter with the world of infantilism. As such, I accepted it somewhat with open arms.

I had embraced the furry fandom lifestyle in various ways, but not wholly. It was somewhat just the part of being a babyfur that I embraced. Believe it or not, the docile nature of this part of infantilism had taught me to come to terms with what I was. I can’t explain it, but something about it made me realize that not everything in my condition was bad. My mind processed everything differently now, and I was no longer disgusted by it all.

Infantilism is defined in multiple ways. Webster’s describes it as: "1: retention of childish physical, mental, or emotional qualities in adult life, esp: failure to attain sexual maturity 2: an act or expression that indicates lack of maturity." So what does this mean for me? Something about sex doesn’t turn me on, but rather the object is sexual to me. This indicates possible sexual immaturity, which means that it might take another year or two for me to actually be sexually active. Yes, it’s weird, I know. But it’s natural for me. People have their freaky fetishes and habits, and I’m just now starting to embrace my own.

I don't know how this happened, exactly...there are no traumatic events in my past that may have caused this, as far as I can tell. For those who ask "why is it a sin?" should know that it's because I'm going back on everything I've been taught. I'm going back on the things I was told that an adult should do. I'm going back on the lifestyle that society wants me to have. For none of these things am I sorry, because I have no choice, nor do I want one. I'm happy with what I am, whether it's a sin of the highest kind or not. The feeling I'm having is the ecstacy of relief and safety. I know I'll be safe, regardless of how or why I'm like this, and regardless of whether it's a sin or not.

So does that mean that normal sexual acts don’t arouse me? Quite simply, yes. I’ve indeed seen all kinds of porn on the internet, including those that cater to my own needs. I could want to be normal all I want (which I don’t), but I’d never be normal, and that’s what I’ve been hiding. I appeared normal, but I wasn’t. I have hope for the future that you’ll all still see me as normal in your own eyes (as normal as society can be). I hid it impossibly well for ten years, and I always dreaded that the day would come I’d have to say something. That day is today…and I could never be happier that I said something.

I joined a guild on GaiaOnline that understands me and has other members like me (called the Infantilists’ Guild). I’ve finally admitted what I am to all of you here on GameSpot. I searched everywhere for advice on what to do and have attained great knowledge as a result. And I can finally rest easy, knowing that what I’ve said here today will not be discriminated upon. Because all of you are my friends, I know you’ll think of me and cherish me all the same. Because that’s what makes friends…friends. I now see the world as full of people with their differences. As such, I never make fun of someone for what they like. I know all of you will do the same…

Until then :).

For more information, you can always check out this site.

(Questions, comments, and concerns are welcome, and I will do my best to answer them...and don't ask why I gave URLs for some of the sites...just don't :|)

No status blog for now...but I just wanted to share something...critical and personal...if you're a friend of mine at all, you'll wanna read this...[takes a deep breath]

Lately, like I said, I've been in a depression and I haven't been able to post in almost all of my unions (save two for important reasons). This has cost me my position as officer in the All Things Nintendo Union (I willingly resigned, knowing I couldn't keep up the pace). GaiaOnline, however, has been somewhat of a sanctuary to me these past few days. I can't exactly explain yet...perhaps later in the blog. But I've had a much more fun time of participating in stuff there than here on GameSpot. No matter what anyone says, I'm starting to like Gaia better than GameSpot, possibly because of the "opportunities" it offers me...

I said Gaia was like a sanctuary. Well it is...it's not only a place for me to relax, but embrace openly in the things I like without fear of social disacceptance or anything otherwise. One interest of mine, however, is something so secretive that I've never revealed it to ANYONE until about two weeks ago (not the cause of my depression). It's a part of me that's so frowned upon in society, and yet it's also one of those things you don't hear about often. No, I'm not gay...it's different. It doesn't have to do with my sexual interests...well, sort of...but rather parts of my sexual maturity. Gaia works like GameSpot in some areas: it has guilds (which are like unions), you can post on a multitude of boards, and there are several other things to do there and millions of ways to personalize yourself. It was here that I knew I was safe to reveal my secrets.

Less than a year ago, I'd discovered what I was and that there were actually others like me. Before that time, when I was only five years old and discovering my true personality, I'd always feared that, if I told my parents or anyone else, I'd be disowned and shunned in my social life. That is actually quite the case, as I learned soon enough. At this time in my life, telling people openly what I am would undoubtebly have consequences, no matter what any of you think. Even saying it on the internet would mean consequences, both on the internet AND real life. I chose Gaia to finally come out on because no one I knew on GameSpot or in real life went there. Only one of my Gaian friends knows, and she won't tell: of that, I can be sure. I joined a guild full of people who are just like me: different from what you people think is "normal".

At first, after discovering what I was, I was even more scared of it; was I truly like this? Are there really others like me? Will I still be normal if I tell someone? The internet doesn't care...it understands...

That time, less than a year ago, I shoved so much information on my condition down my throat in a process of three days that I "choked". I just cracked under the pressure, and tried to forget about it frantically, whilst I panicked and wanted to escape my entire life and leave it behind. But everywhere I went, I was constantly reminded of it, and I began to find everything I needed to know on the internet. First it was just a simple search on Yahoo! that led me to some pictures and a site. The term I found there was such an alien set of two words that I was truly confused. I did more research on the term, and I was left stunned and shocked. That's when I wiped my mind clean of everything, tossing aside my previous thoughts. But it didn't stay like that for long...

A while later, I found an additional part of my interests that was just as big as the one before it while scanning the artwork of deviantART. These two things worked hand in hand. I was absolutely scared since my mind first got aroused by my condition, and even more so when I began to explore it even more. I'm scared...scared of what I am. Or at least I was before...but a week ago, I finally accepted what I was when I joined a guild on Gaia for people similar to me. I accepted it when I blabbed to one of my Gaian friends. I accepted it when I chose to search the internet for others like me, and when I'd made the search on dA. There's no more time for running, and no more time for hiding. Soon, every one of my friends on both GaiaOnline and GameSpot/TV.com will learn what I am. In two days, I'll spill it all out.

But there are conditions...

I will be making my profile available to friends only starting tonight, and I'll be keeping it that way until the day I leave GameSpot for good, should that ever happen (this is to prevent people who aren't my friends from reading it and ridiculing me). If any of you are really my friends, you'll think of me no differently than before after I say it (no one is ever "normal" in this world). If you're one of my two friends in real life, you must never, I repeat, NEVER speak of this to anyone else. You truly have no idea how heavily this would impact my life if others knew about me...the internet is a fine place to keep this, but I won't share it with others in my life that could possibly cause me harm with it. Anyone who makes fun of me WILL be banned from my profile. This is a big deal, and I'm not in the mood to joke around.

It all really did start on Gaia...I became so comfortable with my life there that I decided it was time to stop hiding. So what if others knew? I couldn't stay in the dark forever, and I no longer cared. I finally figured it out: my depression was the result of all of these pent-up emotions, collected over, literally, ten years, being released all at once in my great realization and relief. I can't explain the feeling I got from it all...it was such ecstacy that I've never felt before. It was such a state of security and safety that I've always wanted in my life, but could never have. It was like a dream. It may have been a nightmare at first, in which I writhed about in panic and watched and worried as others made fun of me, but...I'm finally awake...

...And there's no going back to sleep now...

In two days, you'll all know the truth...

EDIT - I've changed my mind...I think I'll tell everyone tomorrow instead of Monday ;). Plus, as an unfortunately necessary precaution, I'll be needing to take a particular two people off of my friends list for just a while, starting before I make my next blog (it's not that I don't trust the two of you, but this is a confession so great that I can't risk social disacceptance). I thank everyone who's been my friend, especially those that are good friends :). I'm glad to know that I'll be accepted no matter what peculiarities surround me 8).

So to all of my unions, please be patient. I haven't been feeling quite like myself, so it's not exactly easy to bring myself to post. It's really not easy when you're depressed -_-'.

And, uh...Happy Late Halloween...I guess I'll do a status blog tomorrow, or...whatever :roll:.

...But someone followed the rules and did it on GameSpot :D! Okay, that's still not too good :P. But even still...I can't help but laugh at this, because I was moderated for not obscuring offensive language, and yet the thing I suspected of getting me moderated (which they said got deleted) didn't get deleted. I speak, of course, of the blog below this one...and they said it a was a topic, but the only topics I recently created are still there :P. So what got me moderated? I don't care, because I didn't lose any points :P. No locking my profile down this time :lol:. And, uh...too tired to make a status blog right now ;).

Until then 8).

EDIT - Also moderated on TV.com, and for the same thing, but nothing deleted (probably by the same person who reported me). No point in going into lockdown yet :lol:.

No offense to my other unions (especially those that I still need to post in :?), but I just got promoted in my favorite union of all: the Creators' Guild :D. I'm active, I participate in the creative fun-fests, and I'm even hosting the SSB 4-Way Brawl in another union, which might have contributed to my promotion. Thanks a lot, alx 8)! Yep...I made a roleplaying thread there; my attempt at doing something creative rather than making posting games that have long died out ;). Well...it's one officership that I'll gladly do my best to keep :D. You know, I was thinking I was about to say something, but now I forgot what I was gonna say...weird :|.

In other news, I've "bought" a commissioned drawing of my GaiaOnline dream avatar, as well as signed up for two freebies, all three drawings of which are chibi versions of Aeonis of Blood (my Gaia avatar, and basically my fan fic character). They're varying styles, but each one will be awesome...of that, I can be sure :D. Well, if the commissioned one sucks (which it hopefully won't, and the artist person will hopefully PM me the sketch before actually coloring and inking it), then...I don't know what I should say :|. I spent 2500 gold on it :P. Eh, it'll be fine...maybe one of my chibi drawings will become my About Me picture, or maybe my new avatar :D. Go Chaos of Blood :twisted:! The freebies are probably the most promising...free, they are 8). Plus, the styles looked like they'd work ;). Might be a few days before I get them...

Oh, and, ummm...no status blog this week :|. Been busy with AdventureQuest...and stuff...yeah, level 19 isn't very fast for a level. Now, watching videos is worse than tagging :?. And I'm trying to revise Chapter 2 right now...but I have writer's block, AGAIN :x. Anyways, level 20 is coming up, and we all know that's not good :(. I'm running out of ideas to talk about...oh yeah! Mogloween has come to AdventureQuest :D! It's a fun video game holiday. Expect my next Editorial soon...yeah, that's all I have to say :|.

Until then 8).

It's probably a dispute as old as time...the Ocarina of Time, that is :P. I know I'm gonna get a lot of disagreeances on this, but hear me out. In my mind, I've always loved the Legend of Zelda series. When Ocarina of Time came out, everything was awesome. Not even the Playstation could compete with that game (well, maybe Final Fantasy VII was the closest thing they could get to competition). It revolutionized the gaming industry and set goals for the following games to achieve. It had state-of-the-art graphics, it had stunning and epic gameplay, it had a story to it...everyone who's ever played it would understand how everything worked in it. It was the best selling game of its time, setting records in the millions.

...Then Majora's Mask came along...

I, along with many other people, were even more impressed with this game than Ocarina of Time. It had a darker story, multiple occurances, more strategy necessary required to play, better graphics and rendering, more interesting characters, etc. etc. It was definitely harder and more challenging, what with its time system of course. With all of these great factors, you'd think that it would've sold even better than its predacessor, one of the few unanimous 10s on GameSpot. Of course, something went wrong...apparently, people were expecting more, but more wasn't enough. Despite being greater than Ocarina of Time in almost every way I could see, it only got an 8.3...why? I don't understand some of the complaints at all...

For starters...it wasn't as revolutionary as some people expected, indeed looking too similar and relying too heavily on the mechanics that Ocarina of Time began. Another complaint was the saving system, where you had to use the owl statues, and that sometimes became an inconvenience. Then of course the difficulty and time restraints were too much for others. Not to mention that Majora's Mask also relied on multiple sidequests and only had five bosses (all temples and the final battles with Majora as a whole), compared to Ocarina of Time's nine (the first three dungeons, the sage temples, and Ganondorf and Ganon as a combined fight). And some complained that the mask system was too complicated and sometimes made things completely and unnecessarily intricate.

Now for my perspective on the above. It looked better than anything I've ever seen at the time...and what's wrong with following in Ocarina's footsteps? Every LoZ game in the future is bound to have to do that. I never, I repeat, NEVER used the owls to save...not once. I completed whatever it was I had to do, then used the Song of Time. The "saving system" was never an issue to begin with. This was probably due to the amount of warning messages in the saving text I saw (when you have the option of saving at the statues). The difficulty is what a lot of Zelda fans should expect in the future. I found Ocarina too easy. Majora's Mask was a refreshing change of pace (and the time restraints made things interesting). I also heavily enjoyed the sidequests, which could be repeated and sometimes needed to be discovered. And who wouldn't wanna be able to fight bosses over and over again? Lastly...why the **** did they complain about that :|?

I direct your attention to this site. I agree with almost everything it says. Know why? Because they recognized the quality of Majora's Mask and ranked it higher than Ocarina of Time. Despite being supposedly more epic, the father of today's games lost to its son. It might've taken four years to make, and Majora's Mask one and half, but time isn't always the determining factor. Now pay attention to this. They gave it just 0.1 less than Ocarina of Time. At least they can see how close it is to OoT's quality. And now...some comparisons -

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

This game single-handedly set the standards for games. It combined an epic storyline, rich textures and graphics, an impressive array of weapons, and an overall solid experience. You get a background story for Link, which is an awesome touch, rather than just the "he's here, now deal with" scenario. And who can forget Navi the fairy? It's now wonder Link hasn't already gone crazy at her persistent talking...oh wait, he has ;). It seems that everything is balanced well. The main story goes along a good line, collecting gems to gain access to a sword that destroys evil, but in the process strengthening evil as time moves forward and Ganondorf quickly gains his power...Link was the weaver of his own destruction. And the final battle...priceless. Link versus Ganon, only it starts out with a twist.

As any good game should, it should have things to do after the main game is completed. There's all of the sidequests to do, and getting all 20 hearts on your life bar, and even solving quests between past and future (with two sets of items essentially). Satisfaction comes with each accomplishment, like triumphing over that pain of a boss that you've probably been having trouble with, or that temple that takes forever (those were Phantom Ganon and the Water Temple for me). And mini-bosses...probably the best of them was Dark Link. Beyond awesome ;). The last thing that I probably should have said earlier is the musical score...other than Majora's Mask, it's the most impressive I've ever seen.

The game does have a few problems, however. For its good graphics, the textures seem to get repetetive, boring, and dull after some time. Background effects are also a little blurry sometimes. Maybe a mystical ride, but I've seen better. The difficulty is also too easy compared to other games. On most bosses, I rarely ever got hit, and if I did, it was almost nothing. Lastly, things got predictable after a certain point in the game, where all you really did was go from one temple to the next, maybe stopped here and there to get something for completing the temple. MM, however, makes you follow the storyline to a bigger degree and usually solve some of the problem before you can actually partake in the dungeon.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

This game has everything (or almost everything) Ocarina of Time has, and more. To compensate for the lack of main bosses, more mini-bosses were added in, like Gomez and Eyegore. You can also go back in time and fight the bosses over again, which is equally awesome. Though unlike OoT, MM relies on a majority of sidequests, each offering rewards like masks, to tell the story. It's actually very good, because that way, you can piece together the story and plot on your own, rather than have it fed to you through a very small straw...one thing that's dramatically different are the masks. Before, they were just there for show. Now they actually do things, and you need various ones to truly experience and complete the game (like the Bunny Hood...you can't live without it 8)). The game features better aspects of gameplay, better sound and orchestral compositions, and updated graphics thanks to the Expansion Pak (and its extra four megabytes of RAM). And unlike OoT, Majora's Mask is real-time and not fixed 3-D.

The story is quite simple and yet quite complex. You play as the kid version of Link through the entire game (in a sense). After losing the Ocarina of Time to a skull kid wearing a strange mask (Majora's Mask, as you find out later), he steals your horse, Epona, and drags you through the rest of the Lost Woods. Soon, however, you find a companion fairy who wants revenge on the skull kid for leaving her behind: Tatl. Soon, you're thrust into a world filled with doppelgangers of people in Hyrule. The world, Termina, is about to be crushed under a gigantic moon with a face that the skull kid has sent out of orbit. To make things even worse, you've been trapped in the body of a deku scrub. You soon find help from a mysterious mask salesman, who offers to un-curse you if you get back your ocarina. And it kinda goes from there...yeah, I won't spoil it too much ;).

The only things I consider a real problem are (sometimes) the difficulty, the length, and the dark nature of the story. Sometimes it leaves you asking for more, sometimes opening up a world of possibilities (like the thing behind the Fierce Diety Mask). Difficulty might throw off some other Zelda fans, because Ocarina was easy compared to this (the dungeons were easily navigable). It does somewhat seem like the game ends too soon, but that's if you don't experience the full story by completing the sidequests. And the dark story...well, it's just confusing sometimes, but I understood most things.

Majora's Mask is superior to Ocarina of Time in a lot of ways. Probably not THAT superior, but I believe that story-wise, graphics-wise, and music-wise, I would rather play that than OoT. I probably didn't do a very good job of describing my point, but if you'd like to learn more about their differences, you can compare stuff from here and here, as well as check out the IGN review. Perhaps some of you might have suggestions on how I can make this better?

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Thank you for reading, but I know I won't shift many people's opinions :P.

Yep :|...don't worry, really. I only cleared out those who are never on anymore, those who were banninated, or those who just never stop by anymore or make blogs that I care about (well, a blog that I care for at least once in a while :P). That's that :|. [drinks his Dr. Pepper] Among other things, I still need to go on my weekly or bi-weekly union posting sprees. Sorry, it's just hard to take time from my day to post in my unions. Please don't demote me :(. In other news, I created my first potentially-successful, roleplaying thread in the CGU :D. Rebellion: The Future Is Dead...has a nice ring to it :P. Yeah, I'm trying to contribute as much as I can, keep the union going and all...oh, and the revising of Part 1 Chapter 2 is still not underway yet -_-'.

Next order of business: I'm wanting to do another Editorial, hopefully this one getting into the SoapBox (they go by each one daily, so my last one wasn't good enough apparently...yes, the section is still up, just a b**ch to get to). The thing is, I need some ideas on what to do it on. I have experience in a lot of things, so feel free to suggest crap...or not. I'm doing this for the sake of discussion and a brandy new, shiny-ass emblem :P:lol:. But uh...yeah. I was thinking of a few things, but I don't think I could manage writing one tonight. So I need ideas ;).

Until then 8).