Lately I've been played a lot of Guitar Hero. Having confined my previous experience to drunken rocking sessions in the pub, receiving Guitar Hero II, Guitar Hero III and Guitar Hero: Aerosmith for my birthday really kicked things up a notch or two. Up to eleven, perhaps.
Anyway, since nobody in the Guitar Hero community has anything better to do than endlessly discuss who should or should feature in the next game, here are my highly important opinions on this matter.
Out Now:
Guitar Hero: Aerosmith
I'm incredibly biased when talking about this one. Aerosmith are not only one of my top three favourite bands, they are the band that got me into rock music when I was a wee bairn. I thought Joe Perry was god at one point. So when I heard they would be recieving their very own Guitar Hero I squealed, fell over and kissed the cat. There's surprisingly less Aerosmith in the game than I was expecting and the tracklist is a bit iffy, but hey: they do good bluesy guitar music and are therefore an appropriate choice for such a game.
Upcoming:
Guitar Hero: Metallica
Oh, I know they're now saying it isn't happening, but I think from a commercial perspective this is too good for Activision to pass up. One of the biggest fanbases around and a massive following amongst spoilt, chain-wearing, spiky-haired teenagers living off their parents' income? Tell me that's not good for the bank. I'm not the hugest Metallica fan; they need a new drummer and their egos need some deflation and as soon as they get back to riding the lightning like a mechanical bull the happier we'll all be. The game should focus on everything up to and including the Black Album. That means lot's of heavy guitar material, plenty of solos and nary an over-tightened snare in earshot. That equals good Guitar Hero material.
Now I'm just going to say a few words about some Guitar Hero spin-offs that would be awesome from my rose-tinted viewpoint.
Hot to Rock:
Guitar Hero: Bon Jovi
Everyone likes Bon Jovi, even if they don't know it yet. I like Bon Jovi. My cat likes Bon Jovi. My great-aunt likes Bon Jovi and she's been deaf since 1976. I've gathered that Bon Jovi are a bit of a laughing stock in the US; well they certainly are not here. In Europe one can love Bon Jovi and still be cool. So mabye a PAL-only release? Anyway: a Guitar Hero with more hooks than a tackle shop and the guaranteed ability to get both parents jamming? I'd buy it.
Guitar Hero: Iron Maiden
This doesn't really need an explanation. The biggest metal band on the planet with a thirty-year catalogue of pounding, galloping, shred-tastic, catchy-as-chickenpox, anuerysm-causing heavy metal? If that isn't Guitar Hero material I don't know what is. We could follow the band from toilets in the East End to the Rainbow to the Powerslave-era arena tours to Donington, back to toilets for a bit then end up rocking Rio. Simple.
Guitar Hero: Purplerainsnake
No, not Prince. As a British citizen it is my duty to believe that a Guitar Hero based on monster 70s rock legends Deep Purple and the melting pot of related bands from that era would be A Good Idea. We're talking Purple, Rainbow, Whitesnake, maybe some Gillan, perhaps even some Trapeze. Hell, chuck Dio and Sabbath in there too, they were pretty much all the same band by this point. It even allows me to sneak in the shredtacular Yngwie via the immaculately coiffered Joe Lynn Turner. Basically, this one is my excuse to construct a Guitar Hero featuring whoever the hell I like based on some bizarre Six Degrees of Ritchie Blackmore type thing.
There are more I could mention; there are so many awesome rock and metal bands out there that would rock a Guitar Hero game. Judas Priest, Guns N' Roses, Van Halen, even Queen to name just a few. Instead of spending all day with that I'll now move onto a few bands whose names have been thrown around by the Guitar Hero community, but who I feel should not be the focus of a Guitar Hero game.
Too Hot to Handle:
Guitar Hero: The Beatles
Ignore for a minute my total ambivalence towards The Beatles. Ignore the fact I think they are shockingly over-hyped, possessing a mere handful of actual great songs, with two of the most overrated musicians ever and one of the most underrated musicians ever (and then there was Ringo, who was better off as the voice of the Fat Controller). Ignore all that, it's personal opinion. Focus on the facts. The fact that the vast majority of Beatles songs feature very little in the way of strong lead guitar. I mean, they don't exactly shred, do they? The Beatles would be much better suited to a full band game such as Rock Band or the upcoming Guitar Hero IV (if that does indeed feature a full instrument set).
Guitar Hero: Dragonforce
I don't know who keeps suggesting this but seriously: are you people sado-masichists? I like Dragonforce as much as the next person; in fact, I liked Dragonforce back in the Dragonheart days. Remember Demoniac? Thought not. Anyway, long-term appreciation just convinces me further that only a crazy would buy this. Playing Guitar Hero: Dragonforce would be somewhat akin to having your fingertips dipped in milk then licked by starving cats before being forced to play Mozart on a piano fashioned from hot coals, with flames licking round your ankles as you are slowly lowered into the firey pits of Hell while Rick Astley serenades you from afar... possibly.
Guitar Hero: Dream Theater
The sado-masichist comment probably applies here as well, although the main reason I don't want to see this game (ever) is that I don't want to see the hot progressive wanking from another of my top three bands getting butchered down to below the four-minute mark. I've already suffered that once this year with that ill-advised Greatest Hit(s) set and I've only just recovered.
I'm well aware that Guitar Hero: Aerosmith may have opened the floodgates, with any commercially successful band being fair game for the next Guitar Hero solo installment. It's such an obvious way of sucking more money out of the public that I'm surprised it hasn't been done sooner. No amount of complaining from the moral soapbox will change the fact that by 2012 there will be more Guitar Hero games than Sims expansion packs, so let's just roll with it.
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