Hey! How's Everyone Been?

I hope you've been doing well. Now that we've got that out of the way, on to how I've been!

I'm doing well. Thank You, Goodnight!

That was the Reader's Digest version of this blog. Does anyone read Reader's Digest anymore? My grandparents on my father's side (read mamaw and papaw) used to buy us a year's subscription to Reader's Digest every Christmas. The reading was porcelain friendly.

And I really appreciated that, because my grandparents had an outhouse. Literally. Their home had running water and a bathroom. But it was built on land and property that originally didn't have such conveniences. When they built the new house, they kept the old outhouse out back.

And it was functional. It even had a Sears and Roebuck Catalogue to peruse. Papaw would replace that catalogue every year, even though nobody used the outhouse! To the best of my knowledge. Because they had a regular toilet in the house. Papaw was old school.

Anyhow, how's everybody doing? I really want to know. Nobody blogs much anymore, except for a couple of friends. HA! :) So I thought I would blog about... something. Then I would find out how you're doing in your comments! Genius!

When last we left my blog, there was oil spewing like an underwater volcano into the Gulf of Mexico! They took care of that. Pretty much. They're still picking up tons of oil soiled beach along the Gulf Islands National Seashore. They just don't talk about it. Bad PR. But they stopped for a few months, so the turtles and birds could hatch their babies. God Bless new life.

I got a new car. Last October. Pretty happy about that! I mean I'm purchasing it, from my sister-in-law. It's a Nissan Sentra, and it's in good shape, because she takes good care of her stuff. It's gold colored. When I bought it, it was "harvest gold." Because it was October, my favorite month of the year. Autumn. Sigh.

Been having tooth problems. Started around New Year's. I went to a dentist, then an oral surgeon. You know the difference between a dentist and an oral surgeon? About four hundred bucks! Seven hundred total.

Had my wisdom teeth removed on the right side. But I've still got the same pain, a little bit worse. A little bit. A little bit more. I told the oral surgeon I still had pain. He's like, "You talking to me?" Dr. De Niro. We'll see what happens.

What else. How have you been? I mean it.

Haven't been watching much new tv. I watched celebrity apprentice a couple of times. They show reruns on bravo on the weekends. I found myself caring, and it concerned me. They shouldn't manipulate me that way. I hope it comes down to Gary Busey and Meatloaf. And I hope I don't watch it. On principle.

I found out about Goren and Eames just a couple of days ago. That's Law and Order, Criminal Intent. Those two characters had been written off, but they're bringing them back for the show's final season. It was funny how I found out about it. Bobby Goren is one of my favorite tv characters, just behind Greg House. They're totally different, but I have an affinity to both of them.

Anyways, I had been thinking about their last episode, the one where they had their last goodbye. I wondered if I'd ever see it again. Then, late Friday night I think it was, USA Network showed it! Towards the end, they aired a commercial about the new season, and how they're coming back, one last season. It's been known since last fall. Except by me. Duh.

I can't tell you how happy that made me. And how I feel so silly feeling that way. But it is what it is. Maybe it comes with getting older. As time goes on, you start losing things, in different degrees. If you can get something back, for just a little while, it's reason to celebrate.

Again, tell me how you've been. You've got to be better than an old man saving an outhouse!

:)

TG

It's after midnight now. I haven't blogged in such a long time, I feel if I don't blog now, I might never blog again.

There are many stories to tell. (I'm trying to get a twilight zone meets dragnet feel) It was a Friday. A day like any other.

I was doing my job. I'm a graphic artist at a newspaper. Make ads, do some prepress work. Keep to myself. Somebody came off the streets and said to one of my coworkers, "What's that paint on your car?"

My coworker went outside. I sat at my station. Big windows at the office front. I'm glancing outside, and there's people congregating. Then there's people in the streets, then there's police officers! With Clipboards! I had to spring into action.

Turns out, they've been building this huge parking garage behind the office. It's not really a secret. Some days were like Cloverfield, or Godzilla vs. Anything That's Not Supposed To Move. But, we were good with that. Until now.

I go out into the parking lot. The problem was, someone was contracted to paint the new, multi-story parking garage. They didn't use something called over spray protection.

So over spray cascaded over the building and drifted, like fairy dust, onto many automobiles. Including mine. Oh, I could go on with this subject, but I shall not subjugate you, my personal friends, with such trivialities! I will say, I am not satisfied with the current state of affairs!

Back to that Friday. When I arrived at work that day, I told the news editor, "The President's coming to town Monday. I can take some pics if you need some body." This is not absurd. The president was visiting, and it was about 30 miles outside our... circulation area. But not far from where I leave for work! In other words, I'm on it. :)

The news editor gave a nod and smile. Then we went through the whole over spray debacle. Then, the news editor is having a conversation with another co-worker. And I try to keep to myself. But their conversation goes something like...

News Editor: We don't have anybody!
Coworker: Somebody should go!
News Editor: Everybody's on assignment or out of town!
Coworker: Somebody should go!

I can't listen to this and be dormant. Finally I ask, what? WHAT? News Editor told me the deal, and, for the first time in my life, I looked like the one kid in clash who knew the answer: (this is where you see a pic of me with my right hand stretched well above and over my head, with my gapped tooth mouth establishing its own zip code)

Turns out, the Mississippi National Guard was taking the media out to the Deepwater Horizon Site. Not only that, but they were going to cruise around the barrier islands. I took the tour. Here's a few pics:

In this pic, we're getting situated. I decided to sit in the middle of the plane, so I'd be ready for anything. Here was my view:

Yes, the ultimate rookie seat! I felt as stupid as I do now. I've come a long way. Up Next...

Just a couple of shots from the site. This was a month ago. I know they messed up bad. And I believe many people are working hard to make things right. I hope, when all is said and done, people will remember that many tried to make things right.

This is such a stripped down version of the blog I wanted to do. I'll tell you what happened. We were in this cargo carrier, converted for personnel transport. Including AC.

It was the Guard Guys and Media Guys. We would go up 2,000 feet to travel, then drop down to 1,000 feet or less for the hot spots. That's the Deep Horizon site, or the barrier islands. When we dipped down to 1,000 feet, it got wicked hot.

So towards the end, we went around this island, where rumor had it, there was oil! Sheen! Tar Balls! So we circled this island, Petit Bois, a few times. And it was wicked hot. Eventually, somebody puked. Then other people started puking. It was awkward. Finally, one of the Guard Guys suggested we wing it back home. Good call.

For the record, we didn't see any oil that day. That's not the case today. It is not difficult to find what we were looking for any longer.

I have so many more stories to tell! :) But I'll let it go for now, as I have to work in a few hours. So to speak. Love you all.

:)
TG

Alright, it's time for a new blog! Woohoo! The Tuckgraph Show is being pre-empted tonight, because of breaking news.

Hopefully we'll have a new Tuckgraph Show soon. The tomatoes have been planted (or hung), and the peppers just might steal the show! :) But we have some other matters to address.

Last week, on Tuesday, this oil rig off the coast of Louisiana blew a gasket. The platform was about the size of two football fields! Yes, I speak in the past tense.

After two days of spewing fire like a mini volcano, the entire rig fell into the ocean. It was a deep oil rig, meaning the oil it was extracting was 5.000 feet below the falling platform. Eleven people were lost in the blast. The rig fell into the ocean on Thursday, globally known as Earth Day!

At first, they said no oil was "spilling." Then they said there were a couple of leaks, and there were 4,200 gallons of oil being released from the accident at the bottom of the ocean.

I thought that was quite a precise number! Till I googled out that a barrel of oil holds 42 gallons. So it's a thousand barrels. Still no big deal, in spin parlance.

Then there was a disagreement!
The Coast Guard held a news conference, saying there was more like 5,000 barrels a day leaking from this monstrosity 5,000 feet below the surface of the ocean, and we are in a world of hurt. That means... over 200,00 gallons a day! Assuming their new estimates are accurate. Hopefully more accurate than their original estimates.

The oil should be reaching the Louisiana marshes sometime tonight. Within a day or so, it will reach the beaches I travel every day. And my life will change for... ever.

I could have posted some pics for this blog, but the subject is just too depressing. I hope you understand. It will be more entertaining next time! Life goes on.

In their best case scenarios, they say they can stop the oil gushing from the ocean's floor in a few months. There's so much I could say, but I'll save it for now.

On the bright side, Miss Priss is comfortable, and the garden is coming along. Always, always have a bright side.

TG

Hello! Good evening! It's been a while. How's everyone been?

I hope you're doing well. Rarely do you find yourself in a place where you couldn't be doing worse, or better! I hope The Tuckgraph Show lets you forget about those considerations for a little while!

Here at The Tuckgraph Studios, we don't let such things concern us. When we lost The Little Red Shed (RIP), there was much apprehension. Then, a really big truck, with a forklift on the back, delivered a special package!



We'll get back to that in a minute. It's time for a new feature, called:

Things That Aren't Right

Why is it that a "bag man" is someone who collects money for the mafia, but a "bag lady" is just a homeless person? That's not right!

And another thing. Sometimes I'll get a roll of paper towels, and the whole role isn't right. I try to tear a tile off, and it's defective. It doesn't tear all the way, it leaves this tail coming off the next tile. I want to form some Paper Perforation Assurance Foundation, but I have no organizational skills. But still... :)

Speaking of tails, we have a guest tonight. We might have never had a guest on The Tuckgraph Show before, so it's kind of a big deal. It is, of course, my companion Miss Prissy. And it's also my first post to youtube! Without further adieutube, please welcome Miss Prissy!

Miss Priss Shows Her Tail

Well that was different. :) No Tuckgraph Show is complete. Ever. No, I mean no Tuckgraph Show is complete without a cooking segment. That last TG show, it went on forever. But that chili will kick the most enormous butts! :)

Tonight it's simple. Stuffed jalapenos. People see jalapenos, and they rush out of the audience like they just saw The Blob!



Settle down. Once the jalapeno is cooked, it loses its heat, for the most part. Here's the recipe:

Get some medium sized jalapenas from produce. Slice them lengthwise, and dig out the seeds and stuff.

Stuff them with creme cheese. Sprinkle them with some spices. I use onion pownder and cayenne pepper. Wrap them in bacon! The ratio is one half bacon slice to one half jalapeno. You might consider using tooth picks to secure the bacon.

Bake at 376 farenheit for 36 minutes. Don't deviate! :)

I apologize about not having pics for the cooking segment. Use your imagination! :) Here's a pic af Daisy and Lilly instead.

Did that seem contrived? Okay, we've covered the cooking deal. :)

We'll finish up with the new shed. It seems kind of anti climatic, because so much went into the building of this shed:

I'll tell you, rarely do I hold so much pride in something I had so little to do with. And I hope you can carry that sentiment with you, because we're all in this together. Thank you. Love you guys. Goodnight!

I said goodnight. This isn't necessary. Alright.

From the Emails

This email comes from Kelly O. Belly, from Land of Lakes Toes Intolerance, Michigan

"Why don't you have any recipes that are healthy?"

That's a legitimate question Smelly, I mean Kelly. It's because there are many healthy recipes out there, health is all the rage right now. The Tuckgraph Show is a refuge from all that common sense nonsense! Love your belly, btw. :)

Now that we're running long, we're going to bring out tonight's musical guest. We have much respect for this artist.

Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please welcome...

I invited Van Morrison, and they gave me this sad sack. But you guys, you ease my troubles, that's what you do. :)

Respect Your Elders

Outstanding. I do hope you're all doing well. Good Night Everybody!

TG
:)

I went to the doctor Wednesday. I go twice a year, to renew my prescriptions. Doc said my blood pressure was a little high. And I'm there to get my blood pressure prescription! He's about to prescribe me a new BP supplemental med, when I say "Doc, let me tell you a story..."

Tuesday night, a little after midnight, my car horn goes off. It's not a honk-honk like a security alarm, but a hoooooooonk, non stop blaring. I try everything. Start the car, blare. Put the key in the door lock, blare. Only thing I've got left to try, I remove the positive cable from the battery. That cures most things electrical.

And it works. I raise my head from the hood, and there's this lady across the street, in a pink robe standing on her porch, arms crossed. I apologized. For the record, I yelled, "Sorry about that!" :)

The next day, I've got my doctor's appointment pending. I retouch the positive cable to the battery, and the honker goes off. This is trouble.

My brother-in-law comes over (30 minute drive for him), and helps me disconnect the car's two horns. Yeah, there were two horns. Safety first.

So Bro-in-law leaves, and I keep my car running, to build up the battery. I lock up the house, and approach the car. It's locked tight. Kit and Kaboodle. House is locked. Just locked it up. Spare car keys are in the house! I can't get into my running car!

So, I have to call my bro, who calls sis-in-law, who reveals where the hidden house keys are. It was in the rock with the life like looking dragonfly sitting upon it! I open the house, find my spare car keys, open the running car, and make my way to the caring Dr. Know.

He decided not to change my BP meds. The high blood pressure could have been caused by external circumstances! :)

Then, Thursday, I came down with a wicked chest cold. And I knew, I must have gotten it from the doc's office! Man, I just spent all that money for a casual checkup, and now I've got a real need! They should have some sort of half-price callback or something. I would never expect it, but I could really use a doctor now. I don't think irony is the right word. But it's close.

Friday, I was sent home from work because I was coughing, and shivering a bit. But I'm feeling great now! I chalk it up to vitamins. Take good vitamins.

Now We'll Go Back In Time... Cue The Harps!

A couple of weeks ago or so, I sent a telegraph about the destruction of the back yard. Here's some pics!

We'll begin with a homage to The Little Red Shed.

I've featured The Little Red Shed a few times in my blogs. It's always been a great view. It was home to the lawn mower, but I never held that against it. We had a good relationship. Then...

NOOooooo! Bulldozers came and demolished The Little Red Shed. And a tree. It was a red and a blue dozer. They danced and butted... cradles of dirt, much like...

Rockem' Sock'em Robots!

Sorry about that. I've always wanted to use an image of Rock'em Sock'em Robots in one of my blogs. Thank you for your patience. Meanwhile, whenever you see bulldozers, don't be surprised to see BULLDOGS!

Miss Priss was not too happy about that!

But we got through it. After hauling off the debris, they brought in a bunch of fill dirt and top soil. They spread it all around:

Now we're dealing with this:

Which brings us up to date. The garden is still a go, probably just tomatoes and peppers this go around. I will keep you up to date. Consider this your future virtual farmer's market!

I hope this sucker posts, went through movietome! And may your next week be better than your last!

TG
:)

I have tried to do two blogs and one Tuckgraph Show (stop) All have been denied (stop) Situation stable (stop)

They've torn down The Little Red Shed in the back yard (stop) Torn down a tree (stop) Now there's nothing but dirt beyond the patio (stop) Pics would tell the story (stop)

I have been compelled to start a garden (stop it, please) Not since my youth, such responsibility (stop) Going with tomatoes, maybe peppers (stop. I mean it) Open to suggestions (stop) Miss Prissy says hey (meow)

TG

:)

I did a blog about the movie awards they're having tonight. Wouldn't take. I even stripped the visuals. Now I squint, sigh, and have those downturn mouth ends. I did it the same way I always do it.

Edit! I didn't have any thoughts that first time! That was more of a narration. My thoughts are, maybe I'm not doing something right. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I'd rather blame myself, than blame the place I've relied upon for so many blogs. I hope tv.com, whomever and whatever they are, have a lick of sense. I'm not counting on it, this is just a shout out. Your bloggers are your soul.

Best Actor, Jeff Bridges, Best Actress, Sandra Bullock, Best Picture, Inglourious Basterds, Best Director, James Cameron. But maybe I'm wrong.

TG
:)

Hey everybody! I hope you all enjoyed the first half of The Show! I was so excited, I forgot my banner! Welcome back, banner! It's time to wind this puppy down!

It's been a great ride. The Saints and I are just happy to be here! So go ahead, roll over us! :)

BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS

The sporting news network ESPN has been purchased by some blue shadowy organization. Not much is known about how the network's programming will change, but here's a clip from its flagship program:

Hello, thank you all from Peyton Manning! Peyton couldn't be here tonight, as he's doing a commercial for #2 Lead Pencils! Though Mr. Manning is not here, we still must pay homage!

Today on The Peyton Manning Show, we ask the burning question: (dramatic pause) Does anyone know anyone who deserves to live on the same planet as Peyton Manning? And why?

We didn't think so!

Okay, that's enough fun. :)

Things have been crazy around here. There's big block parties for the game, and Mardi Gras is in full bloom! Things can get out of hand.

For instance, one Saints fan found her fanaticism a little too close to her heart:

These things happen. One night, she put her earrings on her dresser. When she woke up, she went to take her "vitamins," and snagged an earring down her throat. She was fine, after a few hours working it out. Still, cool x-ray. :)

But I'm not involved in any of that. I'm making Chili. This is serious business. If you've followed my blogs, you know I like to cook.

I've never made chili. My mom made some outstanding chili, and I feel like I'm starting a new legacy. I'll be making it Saturday, but I thought I should start this blog tonight! Geaux Saints! We'll be right back. Here's a musical interlude:

Musical Interlude

Okay, we're back! It's Saturday Morning, and we're making THE BEST Chili Recipe Ever! And this is coming from someone who has never made chili. Ever.

Wasabi Super Bowl Chili!

Here's the Ingredients:

4 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided
2 onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound ground beef
3/4 pound spicy Italian sausage, casing removed
1 (14.5 ounce) can peeled and diced tomatoes with juice
1 (12 fluid ounce) can or bottle dark beer
1 cup strong! brewed coffee
2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
1 (14 ounce) can beef broth
1/4 cup chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon wasabi paste
3 (15 ounce) cans kidney beans
2 Anaheim chile peppers, chopped
1 serrano pepper, chopped
1 habanero pepper, sliced

This recipe serves eight. I bumped the ingredients up to serve twelve or so. Don't let it scare you! Never be scared.

And skip the coriander. I mean, please. What is it, anyhow? Sounds like the bad guys in one of those cheesy SyFy movies. The Coriander have invaded earth! Actually, it's a relative of Cilantro. Don't worry with it, unless you've got it in the cupboard already. But do add some onion powder! I put onion powder in everything these days.

I get most of my recipes from allrecipes.com. I like this site, because they feature comments from "chefs" who have tried the recipes. They make comments like, "This recipe is perfect! Here's what I changed..." :)

You can read their comments and make changes before you even start! Then that recipe becomes your own. This is a spicy recipe. Here's how you cook it, including alterations and pics from my culinary journey!:

Here's The Recipe, verbatim, from allrecipes.com:
1. Place 2 tablespoons of oil in a large pot and place the pot over medium heat. Cook and stir the onions, garlic, beef and sausage until meats are browned. Pour in the tomatoes, beer, coffee, tomato paste and broth. Season with chili powder, cumin, sugar, oregano, cayenne, coriander (meh), salt and wasabi. Stir in one can of beans, bring to a boil, then reduce heat, cover and simmer.

2. In a large skillet over medium heat, heat remaining oil. Cook Anaheim, serrano and habanero peppers in oil until just tender, 5 to 10 minutes. Stir into the pot and simmer 2 hours.

3. Stir in remaining 2 cans of beans and cook 45 minutes more.

Simple recipe, till I get ahold of it! :) First off,

WARMING WARNING WARNING WARNING

Do not chop up hot peppers without gloves!

I learned that the hard way a while back. Ended up soaking my hands in milk, covering them in baking soda, almost chopped them off. Not really! Also, if you don't want as much heat from your peppers, take the seeds out! They're the hottest part of the pepper I do believe.

The first two steps are kind of interchangeable. I sauteed the peppers first:

Then I browned the beef, sausage and onions:

I used ground chuck, and I thought it was a little fatty (my nickname when I was a kid), so I drained it, then added the peppers. Perfect!

A few notes on the remaining ingredients:

Rather than plain canned tomatoes, I used Rotel Tomatoes with Green Chiles, for a little extra kick!

And no, I'm not getting paid for this! :)

Also, the beer you use is important. Always! For this recipe, I used Samuel Adams Honey Porter!

(Sam, you can cut me a check if you want.)

Finally, I used prepared horseradish mixed with dry mustard instead of Wasabi. And after about an hour, I added some cubed spicy chicken that I baked the night before. That makes it MY recipe! Here's the near to final product:

Mmm-Mmm good! I'm taking it over to my buddy's house tonight. There's a big UFC pay-per-view, so we'll have some chili for the fights.

Did I mention that my buddy works for the cable company, and gets every cable channel and pay-per-view for FREE? He's my Best Friend! :) His girl is making something called White Pizza, which I think alludes to the cheeses. Should go well with chili. I'll be staying over for the Super Bowl. Marathon visit! I'm the thing that wouldn't go away! :) Kind of like this blog!

Unfortunately for Miss Prissy, they have a weiner dog, so she'll be unable to tag along. She'll have to watch the game here, but she's kind of a homebody, so it's okay. She's ready for the game!

WHO CAT!

UPDATE! I decided to stick around the house tonight, rather than go to the fights. I'm saving my energy up for The Big Game! And finishing this blog!

Before we go, we'll have a session of...

FROM THE EMAILS

This email comes from Pierre Pardone Contrare, from France, Italy:

"Meissure, why do you call it Wasabi Chili, if you do not put any Wasabi in it?"

Oh, you're a sharp one, aren't you Mr. Contrare? Can I call you Peepee? I call it Wasabi Chili, because I like to say Wasabi! WASABIII! And it's My Show, so shut up.

This next email comes from Taos, New Mexico. I used to live in Taos, and I've got a buddy there who sends me stuff from time to time. As a tremendous coincidence, I received this email today, while I was making chili! It's kind of funny, and remember, I didn't write this! It may contain... questionable language! Here goes...

New Mexico Chili Cookoff

For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off when the Taos Fiestas comes around. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Fort Wayne, Indiana. (I made that last part up. :) )

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.' Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick..

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili with Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. It should be noted that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 – TAOS MOUNTIAN TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 -- No report.

Taos is a cool place. :)

You know, we haven't hardly talked about the game at all this half! I was going to explain how The Saints became known as the Who Dats, and the Colts are called the Blue Meanies, but we're running late. That's okay, I needed a break from the hysteria! I guess this would be a good time to predict the final score:

Saints 103, Colts -17

:)

Tonight's musical guest is a lovely lady with a fantastic song. Her name is Sarah Bareilles. She's going to be performing her hit, Love Song.

Many of you have heard this song, but how many know the story behind it? Sarah, if you could, please tell a little about how this song came about, okay? Thanks.

Love Song

Excellent! Thank you so much, Sarah! Thanks to everybody for coming out for The Tuckgraph Show Super Bowl (Feud) Spectacular! Oh, and my real prediction?

Saints 31, Colts... 27! And best of luck, Indianamom!

Goodnight Everybody!

:)
TG

Hello Everybody! Who Dat? So great to see so many smiling faces. Who Dat! How's everyone been? Who Dat?!

This is a very special broadcast of The Tuckgraph Show, as it is our Super Bowl (Feud) Spectacular! And some might wonder why we've included that word, "Bowl," but that's not why we're here tonight. It's Super! And it's a Feud!

Quick background. Tonight we're leaching off a sports spectacular (this could be a long blog), which is the pinnacle of American football. That means it's not soccer or rugby. It's the championship of the National Football League! This year's combatants are:

That's the game part. As for the parenthesis (Feud) part, it's a friendly rivalry between:



Okay, stop it. Stop The Show right now. For the record, I know neither of the people in the photos above. That is not me, nor is it Indianamom. As far as I know. :) Indymom lives in Indianapolis Colts Country, while I reside in New Orleans Saints Country. It's a geographical thing. Now, on with The Show!

I got to wondering, why did Indiana name their largest city Indianapolis? Wouldn't it have been easier to name it Metropolis, and name the state Metro? :) Could be worse. Can you say Louisianapolis Saints? Oh, we're just getting started! :)

This is where I need to say something. Every "expert," every "prognosticator," every "Colts Fan" I know, has predicted a Colts win. And I've had enough of it. Let me say this right now, as a Saints fan:

"We're gonna win the game.
I guarantee it."

Don't get me wrong, we're here to have fun tonight. But this game means oh, so very much to Saints fans. And to Colts fans, I know. And there's a lot of people who really don't care. I hope this Show will be a fun Show for all of us!

With that in mind, I would like to dismiss the "X's and O's" of the game. Believe me, it is an intriguing matchup! We'll gloss over it here, but there's a couple of websites that are outstanding for up to the minute Super Bowl news, from both teams' fans perspectives.

For Saints Fans, I rely on this website:

Saints Big News Page

For Colts Fans, this website is a great resource:

Colts Big News Page

Tonight, I'd like to take a look at The Big Picture. We'll look at a history of the Colts and Saints, and how it relates to the history of the Super Bowl. We'll also look at how it weaves into a great tapestry, much like a fine quilt, or an automobile into an oncoming lane. Let's break it down.

The Saints Super Bowl History

Thank you, goodnight everybody! :) Yes, the Saints have never been to the Super Bowl. But there's still some interesting stuff here! The Saints were founded in 1967, the first year of the Super Bowl. Chew on that! :) Sadly, it took the Saints 21 seasons (like 21 years) to even have a winning season! No offense to the Redskins, but what a Trail of Tears! That was a bad joke.

But the Saints did start having winning seasons, going to the playoffs, and eventually got to within one game of the Super Bowl. In 2006, they lost to the Chicago Bears in the NFC Championship game. Meanwhile...

The Colts Super Bowl History

When you think of the Colts, what do you think? One name. Peyton Manning. He is the standard of excellence, a first ballot to the hall of fame. Despite all the MVP awards and accolades, he's only won one Super Bowl. In 2006, when he beat the Bears. Yeah, the same team that beat the Saints to go to the Super Bowl! So chew on that! :)

Before that, the Colts had been to the Super Bowl only once.

A Brief History of the Super Bowl
As It Relates To What I'm Talking About

There was a time when there was no Super Bowl. I know that's hard to imagine. It was just the NFL, a tough as nails league of guys with names like Otto Graham. Old School. I mean, how many people do you know named Otto? If I ever have a son (It could happen!), I just might name him Otto. Otto Tuckgraph. Get Otto here! :)

Problem was, there was this upstart league called the American Football League. They couldn't settle their differences, so they became one league with two conferences, the AFC and the NFC. And they play each other for the Super Bowl! This is like the Don Pardo version of Wikipedia. :)

We need to make this relevant quick. In the first couple of Super Bowls, the Green Bay Packers won, under the tutelage of Vince Lombardi.



The Super Bowl Trophy is called The Lombardi Trophy. 'Nuff said about that man! And it was well established that the NFC was dominant over the upstart AFC.

Then, in Super Bowl III, something happened. The NFC was represented by the Baltimore Colts (they moved, get over it), and the AFC was represented by the New York Jets. The Colts were a 17 point favorite.

The game was played in Miami, same as this year's contest! Everyone ragged on the Jets about the disparity. Then the Jets quarterback, "Broadway" Joe Namath, said:

"We're gonna win the game.
I guarantee it."

A nation sat in stunned silence (not to mention their lazyboys). The rest is, as they say, history. Yeah, the Colts got beat by this guy:

At the time, I was an eight year old snot nosed kid. I thought Broadway Joe was cool. He was flamboyant, a party guy, and a ladies man. He carried that moniker long after retirement, to some rather awkward moments:

Joe Namath is Struggling

On a side note, after seeing that video, Joe sobered up. He went on to earn his college degree at his alma mater, the University of Alabama. I am a vessel of irrelevant knowledge.

Joe cemented his place in history in 1970. And while he was cool to me, I discovered someone else that year who was much cooler to me. On a Sunday afternoon in Tulane Stadium, the New Orleans Saints captured my heart and imagination.

They were playing the Detroit Lions. I happened to be watching the game. It came down to a field goal. And this kicker, Tom Dempsey, kicked it 63 yards to win the game. Just a regular season game, in a losing season. But here's the kick:

I want to hug Tom Dempsey's foot.

And here's Tom's kicking foot:

At the time, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Still ranks up there. No one's beaten that kick, I hope they never do. When someone has half of what the Good Lord has given everyone else, and does something no one else has ever done better, I still smile and shake my head. Maybe I get misty. I keep that to myself.

Where was I?

Back to the Super Bowl. After the Jets/Colts game, there came a string of dynasties, the Steelers, the Cowboys, the 49'ers.

Then, in 1985, something happened. It was the Chicago Bears! They were led by Coach Mike Ditka (who later coached the Saints!), and a band of brash but talented players, like Jim McMahon, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, and Walter Payton. And the game was played in the Superdome in New Orleans!

I can't even remember who they played. Might have been the Patriots. All I remember is their swagger. Does anyone else remember that? It was a time when the media was changing. MTV was still in its infancy, and they still played videos!

In fact, 'Da Bears made their own music video, called The Super Bowl Shuffle. If you missed it, here it is:

I Can Bearly Stand It.

I only bring this up, because today the Colts have made their own fan spirit inspiring music video. It's actually better than expected:

Good Luck Sunday

Alright, we've reached the halftime of The Tuckgraph Show Super Bowl (Feud) Spectacular! We'll be back in a couple of days for more insights and analysis! :)

Tonight's halftime entertainment features the same halftime entertainment for this year's actual Super Bowl!:

Furball Wasteland

:) After your bathroom break, I'd like for you to check out a couple of links.

The first is a brief commentary by LeCharles Bentley. He was a Pro Bowl (meaning he was good) center for the Saints. He now lives in Cleveland (he's an Ohio native), and wrote a piece about the relationship between New Orleans and the Saints, for the local paper up there:

This is the way that we live

The second is a link to a mashup of the last game the Saints played, against the Minnesota Vikings for the NFC Championship. Whether you saw The Game or not, I think you'll appreciate this most excellent video:

This is the way that we live.

Okay! We'll be back with the second half of The Tuckgraph Show Super Bowl (Feud) Spectacular in a few days (before the game).

And major props to Indymom, a real clas$ act!

:)
TG

Hello Friends! I wish I had a new Tuckgraph Show for tonight. I've worked on quite a few that I've never posted, and they became old news. Life goes on.

But this is Breaking News! I have entered into a friendly feud with my friend, Indymom. That's Indianamom, for those who can't read shorthand!

This is about the Super Bowl, coming up February 7, 2010, in Miami, Florida. Indymom is a fan of the Indianapolis Colts. The best thing to come out of Indiana, after Larry Bird, is John Hiatt. He is a musician who now resides in Tennessee, but is a native son. He is my favorite musician, I've seen and met him many times. So, the Colts have that!

If my team wins, Indymom has offered me a race car or a big gulp of milk, whichever comes first. Either one works for me! :)

My team is the New Orleans Saints. I don't need to tout their prowess right now. It is going to be a fantastic game. But, I do need to put a wager on the table. So, I place upon the table Our Lighthouse*:



Or, at least one handful of sand**:



*Photo of Lighthouse only
**I'll so mail you some sand! :)

This is much fun. Hopefully more to come! Go Saints!

I'll leave with a song, this time from that native son, Mr. Hiatt.

Real Fine Love

:)
TG