[QUOTE="Democratik"]transgendered women need to come clean right at the beginning. its not stupid to say its deception. it is deception.LockedgeIt's on the same level of deception as not informing someone you're infertile, of a past criminal record, of a substance abuse problem, etc. I agree it should be talked about early on, I just don't see it as deception. If I let it go three days before I tell whomever about it, I wouldn't feel I've deceived that person up until then. What facts were I covering up? That I've had a surgery done? I agree with Democratik on this one. If I went out on a date with a man dressed as a woman and he/she didn't tell me about his/her status, I would feel deceived. When going on dates, one's gender status can be a pretty big issue.
Ask a Transgendered Person (a good idea from Wolls)
This topic is locked from further discussion.
[QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"][QUOTE="majoras_wrath"]I've lost a little bit of my respect for humanity as a caring and understanding race after reading certain posts on this topic. Damn, I hate people sometimes.majoras_wrathSince when have humans been caring and understand? I've always had a little faith in the essential goodness of humans. But every time I see bashing like this I lose a little bit of faith. Glad that these forums can fix that... So you believe that human beings are born good, yes?
Would you continue dating them if they told you on the first date? Under these circumstances, I wouldn't continue dating them if they told me on the first, third, or twentieth date. I don't think it's insensitive to have the reaction, "Oh, you say you used to be a man? I'm sorry, but this relationship just isn't going to work for me."[QUOTE="Espada12"] Personally I'd be infuriated if someone didn't tell me something like this up front. No_Hablo_Ingles
[QUOTE="majoras_wrath"][QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"] Since when have humans been caring and understand?No_Hablo_InglesI've always had a little faith in the essential goodness of humans. But every time I see bashing like this I lose a little bit of faith. Glad that these forums can fix that... So you believe that human beings are born good, yes? I try my hardest to cling to the barest shadow of that as truth. Although, more often then not I am convinced to the opposite fact.
[QUOTE="Lockedge"][QUOTE="Democratik"]transgendered women need to come clean right at the beginning. its not stupid to say its deception. it is deception.mattbbplIt's on the same level of deception as not informing someone you're infertile, of a past criminal record, of a substance abuse problem, etc. I agree it should be talked about early on, I just don't see it as deception. If I let it go three days before I tell whomever about it, I wouldn't feel I've deceived that person up until then. What facts were I covering up? That I've had a surgery done? I agree with Democratik on this one. If I went out on a date with a man dressed as a woman and he/she didn't tell me about his/her status, I would feel deceived. When going on dates, one's gender status can be a pretty big issue.
I could see if the date was a transvestite, because they are all part time, and the vast majority are heterosexual men... A transgender who's transitioning but not post-op, I'd expect to talk about it rather soon after meeting the person. Someone who's post op should also, but it's not as imperative to get it out of the way quick(tucking works well, but a slip here or there and there could be an incident, where that wouldn't happen with a post-op). You may feel deceived, true. I'll never say other wouldn't feel we're being deceptive, even if we're not.
It all comes from the idea that we're men, men who look like women, gay men who are preying on straight men or trying to trick straight guys, men who are pretending to be women, transvestites, etc. and it's all just chalked up to a lack of education. While I support the LGBT community, I don't think the T should really be involved, especially transsexuals. LGB revolves around sexuality, T is around gender, transsexuals specifically about physical representation. It just leads to people thinking transgender folk are a super-gay evolution, and that just doesn't fit.
[QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"]Would you continue dating them if they told you on the first date? Under these circumstances, I wouldn't continue dating them if they told me on the first, third, or twentieth date. I don't think it's insensitive to have the reaction, "Oh, you say you used to be a man? I'm sorry, but this relationship just isn't going to work for me." It's not insensitive, and it's not unexpected. It's just something I hope that education can help out in future generations.[QUOTE="Espada12"] Personally I'd be infuriated if someone didn't tell me something like this up front. mattbbpl
It's on the same level of deception as not informing someone you're infertile, of a past criminal record, of a substance abuse problem, etc. I agree it should be talked about early on, I just don't see it as deception. If I let it go three days before I tell whomever about it, I wouldn't feel I've deceived that person up until then. What facts were I covering up? That I've had a surgery done? I agree with Democratik on this one. If I went out on a date with a man dressed as a woman and he/she didn't tell me about his/her status, I would feel deceived. When going on dates, one's gender status can be a pretty big issue. What if they didn't tell you until you fell in love with them? Sure it would alter the way you think about them, but would it matter? Are the feelings that you felt magically disapper?[QUOTE="Lockedge"][QUOTE="Democratik"]transgendered women need to come clean right at the beginning. its not stupid to say its deception. it is deception.mattbbpl
It's on the same level of deception as not informing someone you're infertile, of a past criminal record, of a substance abuse problem, etc. I agree it should be talked about early on, I just don't see it as deception. If I let it go three days before I tell whomever about it, I wouldn't feel I've deceived that person up until then. What facts were I covering up? That I've had a surgery done? LockedgeI agree with Democratik on this one. If I went out on a date with a man dressed as a woman and he/she didn't tell me about his/her status, I would feel deceived. When going on dates, one's gender status can be a pretty big issue. What if they didn't tell you until you fell in love with them? Sure it would alter the way you think about them, but would it matter? Are the feelings that you felt magically disapper?It wouldn't matter. I can't have children with a transgendered woman, for one. For two, knowing that they left that crucial part of their history out of their conversations with me for that long would immediately make me feel like I didn't really know them and that I had been deceived by them.
No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times.If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Pixel-Pirate
I'll try to reply to the transphobic posts as best as possible here with my own views and feelings:
I am not a man, I may look it on the outside, but on the inside I'm very much a woman in terms of how I think, feel and act. To be calleda man, to be regarded as a man and to be told to be such is frankly very offensive and very close minded.
If I do end up falling in love after the op, big if, I would tell the one I love straight from the start, in fact I would tell them well before, so that there's no lies and deceptions. Honesty is the best policy.
A man's man has trouble feeling maternal, however I don't, I tend to feel very maternal instead of fatherly.
I am fully incapable of feeling and thinking as a man, I've tried many times over the years because of the demands of society, but all it did was cause me a lot of misery and make me contemplate suicide many times in order to get away from it all, I hated being expected to be male just because of my external appearance.
Someone who's TG can have feelings for men, women and both, it all depends on their personal preferances. I know I fancy both, and that was hard for me to accept but answered a lot of questions when I came to accept myself.
Living as the gender we are told to be because of society when we don't feel that gender is a form of oppression and highly abusive, it forces that person to live a lie just to suit others who are close minded and incapable of truly seeing life beyond a black and white ideal. It causes a great deal of harm.
The saying 'Be true to yourself' and 'To thine ownself be true'is very important, people have to be able to find and accept themselves in order to be at peace with themselves. That's something everyone goes through in their lives and many never truly accept themselves, they just tend to go along with what the many demand. Accepting being TG has been hard, but I'm glad that I've finally come to accept myself because I can finally be true to myself instead of to what others demand.
So to put it simply - I am a woman, I think and feel as such, I act as such. At the same time I have to deal with the male aspect until I can be done with it years later, it's undesirable to not be the full gender that I am, I hate being male on the outside, I hate being expected to be male. And quite frankly I don't see why anyone should tell me how to think and live.
[QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"][QUOTE="mattbbpl"]I agree with Democratik on this one. If I went out on a date with a man dressed as a woman and he/she didn't tell me about his/her status, I would feel deceived. When going on dates, one's gender status can be a pretty big issue.What if they didn't tell you until you fell in love with them? Sure it would alter the way you think about them, but would it matter? Are the feelings that you felt magically disapper?It wouldn't matter. I can't have children with a transgendered woman, for one. For two, knowing that they left that crucial part of their history out of their conversations with me for that long would immediately make me feel like I didn't really know them and that I had been deceived by them. Interesting... but does the love simply go away? The conversations you did have still occurred. The laughs you had still occurred. Every hug and kiss still occurred. So if you simply wouldn't stop dating them because you felt they lied to you. Also would you stop dating a man or woman (I'm not sure if you are a guy or not) simply because they have a low sperm count/barren?mattbbpl
Aye, as normal as anyone's really. Though I tend to keep to myself due to what I had suffered in my childhood which makes it hard for me to be around people for very long without feeling scared.
Nothing really changes once someone who's TG has accepted themselves, they make choices for their life, but everything else more or less stays the same, well if friends and family are accepting of it.
I know this question is kind of irrelevant, but what kind of games do you play?
It wouldn't matter. I can't have children with a transgendered woman, for one. For two, knowing that they left that crucial part of their history out of their conversations with me for that long would immediately make me feel like I didn't really know them and that I had been deceived by them. Interesting... but does the love simply go away? The conversations you did have still occurred. The laughs you had still occurred. Every hug and kiss still occurred. So if you simply wouldn't stop dating them because you felt they lied to you. Also would you stop dating a man or woman (I'm not sure if you are a guy or not) simply because they have a low sperm count/barren? On the first topic of your post, under the circumstances you stated I'd imagine we would either fall into a friendship role or we would eventually drift apart as so many other relationships do when the partners realize that is simply won't work out over the long haul regardless of how much they may want it to. This boils down to not only reproduction but to attractiveness as well. I simply would no longer be physically attracted to that inidividual. As for the second topic of your post, indeed I would stop dating someone if they were infertile. A family is something that I want out of my life, so I would either have to move on or change my life goals. Moving on is the more sensible option.[QUOTE="mattbbpl"][QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"] What if they didn't tell you until you fell in love with them? Sure it would alter the way you think about them, but would it matter? Are the feelings that you felt magically disapper?No_Hablo_Ingles
[QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times. You're speaking as if we're lying to the masses or something. Let's say once I finish transitioning, I'm at a club. Let's say I look pretty good and a dude makes a pass at me. Where is this "leading on"? What does it entail? Is it simply making myself available? Dressing up for the club and potentially being attractive? Or is it continuing conversation and inciting interest? Where does "leading on" begin and end? In this example, I would have had surgery. All my ID would declare female to fit how my mental position has always been. When would I tell a lie and say I'm not a girl?If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Democratik
[QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"]Interesting... but does the love simply go away? The conversations you did have still occurred. The laughs you had still occurred. Every hug and kiss still occurred. So if you simply wouldn't stop dating them because you felt they lied to you. Also would you stop dating a man or woman (I'm not sure if you are a guy or not) simply because they have a low sperm count/barren? On the first topic of your post, under the circumstances you stated I'd imagine we would either fall into a friendship role or we would eventually drift apart as so many other relationships do when the partners realize that is simply won't work out over the long haul regardless of how much they may want it to. This boils down to not only reproduction but to attractiveness as well. I simply would no longer be physically attracted to that inidividual. As for the second topic of your post, indeed I would stop dating someone if they were infertile. A family is something that I want out of my life, so I would either have to move on or change my life goals. Moving on is the more sensible option. OK, thanks for answering.[QUOTE="mattbbpl"]It wouldn't matter. I can't have children with a transgendered woman, for one. For two, knowing that they left that crucial part of their history out of their conversations with me for that long would immediately make me feel like I didn't really know them and that I had been deceived by them. mattbbpl
[QUOTE="Democratik"][QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times. You're speaking as if we're lying to the masses or something. Let's say once I finish transitioning, I'm at a club. Let's say I look pretty good and a dude makes a pass at me. Where is this "leading on"? What does it entail? Is it simply making myself available? Dressing up for the club and potentially being attractive? Or is it continuing conversation and inciting interest? Where does "leading on" begin and end? In this example, I would have had surgery. All my ID would declare female to fit how my mental position has always been. When would I tell a lie and say I'm not a girl? Legality =/= truth. If a guy comes up to you and you think hes flirting with you, tell him. pretty simple. some guys are into transgendered. but youll never gain acceptance by lying.If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Lockedge
I had no idea you were a transgender (I don't want that to sound offensive, I just didn't know).
Anyway, you might not be able to answer this question since you haven't lived an equal time as both genders, but which gender do you think it is harder or more difficult to be and if you think one is more difficult than the other, which is it? I'm just curious.
I know this question is kind of irrelevant, but what kind of games do you play?
No_Hablo_Ingles
Almost anything, my gaming is tied in with the woman I am, so in a sense I'm, and always have been, a female gamer. I'm very fond of RPG's and puzzle games, love strategy and sometimes play shooters and sports games, mostly tennis and golf in that genre. I also love Harvest Moon and other peaceful games. Racing games are alright if they always have something to do, not all that good at music games.
To answer the post above: I find it a lot harder to be male, near to impossible in fact. So I tend to not even bother trying.
As for the post above that one, wrong. Humans are created as female first and foremost, while there are the X and Y genes to consider, but it's a change in the womb that ends up being part of the gender of that developing embryo, a slight chemical change that will either use estrogen or testosterone that ultimately defines what that embryo will develop into in terms of gender.
So for TG it's a case of the brain receives a larger amount of estrogen while the rest of the body receives a large amount of testosterone, there by creating a rift between the mind and the body. The brain develops as female while the body develops as male, just as for female to male it would be testosterone to the brain and estrogen to the body.
[QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"]
I know this question is kind of irrelevant, but what kind of games do you play?
Smokescreened84
Almost anything, my gaming is tied in with the woman I am, so in a sense I'm, and always have been, a female gamer. I'm very fond of RPG's and puzzle games, love strategy and sometimes play shooters and sports games, mostly tennis and golf in that genre. I also love Harvest Moon and other peaceful games. Racing games are alright if they always have something to do, not all that good at music games.
Final Fantasy fan?[QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times.If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Democratik
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
[QUOTE="Smokescreened84"][QUOTE="No_Hablo_Ingles"]
I know this question is kind of irrelevant, but what kind of games do you play?
No_Hablo_Ingles
Almost anything, my gaming is tied in with the woman I am, so in a sense I'm, and always have been, a female gamer. I'm very fond of RPG's and puzzle games, love strategy and sometimes play shooters and sports games, mostly tennis and golf in that genre. I also love Harvest Moon and other peaceful games. Racing games are alright if they always have something to do, not all that good at music games.
Final Fantasy fan?I used to be, until the series began to go downhill and become little more than interactive movies with highly generic, over done gameplay with dull characters. I love western RPG's more these days, games like Oblivion, Fallout 3, Dragon Age, Baldur's Gate, that kind of thing.
No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times.[QUOTE="Democratik"][QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]
If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Pixel-Pirate
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
Aye, thanks for the support Pixel-Pirate :) Yeah, risk assessment needs to be taken seriously in social situations. Information will be given out rather quickly, to people we feel may be tolerant. Anyone who doesn't seem tolerant, we'll split with anyways. "Gay/Trans Panic" is a real issue, and too many times is is used as an actual legal defense in murder cases, often hand-in-hand with character assassination, letting the killers get off with a small assault sentence or even free, depending on the jury. The more people who know I'm trans, without knowing me as a person, the greater risk to my health.To Lockedge:
I'm curious as to when you think it's appropriate to tell someone you're interested in/dating that you're transgendered. Conversely, at what point do you think you've crossed the line by not telling them soon enough? It's a bit of a sticky situation...
How do people react when you tell them that you're transgendered? And I'm really sorry if this sounds rude but were you gender confused for a small period of your life?
I think it all depends on who you're interesting in, and/or dating. I think it's appropriate to tell the person in a non-social environment that's non-threatening or too public, sometime soon after interest has developed on both sides. I think that a time when you and the other person are genuinely getting to know each other, that it's a good place to bring it up.To Lockedge:
I'm curious as to when you think it's appropriate to tell someone you're interested in/dating that you're transgendered. Conversely, at what point do you think you've crossed the line by not telling them soon enough? It's a bit of a sticky situation...
mattbbpl
Like I've said before, giving away info that I'm trans is not something that should be thoughtlessly given away; that's too dangerous. If the person is willing to get to know me, that person gets to know. As soon as I see signs that discussion is heading from small talk to more detailed conversation, I'll gauge the situation to see if it's appropriate to throw it in. If, for instance, I'm at a friend's house with the person(think a small hangout) then that's probably the ideal spot. There's usually enough isolation in an apartment or house to be able to bring it up privately, allowing the person to react as they normally would.External pressure to react a certain way just doesn't mesh, and a room to talk and eventually break the news is, at least what I think to be, a good spot. Ideally, if it's the first real hangout between us, and the person is showing genuine interest in me.
I wouldn't want to go on for to long without bringing it up, I've heard enough info about people thinking up sexual fantasies over periods of time, and the last thing I need is backlash from someone stemming from some daydream fantasy they had the day before, and their confusion about whether this entails homosexuality(which is doesn't, but due to lck of education, I can understand why someone would think it).
So with the above in mind, there's really no prancing around the bush to be had in the relationship. No leaving things for a few days unless you have really good, really positive info on the person(like, a friend's friend). Things will be rushed a bit, and issues will be pressed a bit.
I honestly wish it wasn't a big deal to people. I honestly wish people would understand that it's just some obstacle that had to be hurdled over to live a normal life, but I can wish all I want...the lack of education on the subject and the social stigma currently rampant won't allow that. So I have to play safety, and I have to play smart, and fair. And I think fair, in this case, is likely first week, hopefully first or second time you really hang out with the person and get into talking, and not flirting.
Take a look back at the post from transphobic people who posted, that's the general reaction.
I've known since I was a child and the male mindset was beginning to be drummed into me at school and by my dad, I always found the mindset to be wrong and I was never able to connect with it. That's when I knew something didn't click, as I got older the feeling of not being the male I was expected to be increased, it was quite confusing when I was young.
It wasn't until recent years when I came to understand it and last year when I accepted it.
To Lockedge:
I'm curious as to when you think it's appropriate to tell someone you're interested in/dating that you're transgendered. Conversely, at what point do you think you've crossed the line by not telling them soon enough? It's a bit of a sticky situation...
I think it all depends on who you're interesting in, and/or dating. I think it's appropriate to tell the person in a non-social environment that's non-threatening or too public, sometime soon after interest has developed on both sides. I think that a time when you and the other person are genuinely getting to know each other, that it's a good place to bring it up. Like I've said before, giving away info that I'm trans is not something that should be thoughtlessly given away; that's too dangerous. If the person is willing to get to know me, that person gets to know. As soon as I see signs that discussion is heading from small talk to more detailed conversation, I'll gauge the situation to see if it's appropriate to throw it in. If, for instance, I'm at a friend's house with the person(think a small hangout) then that's probably the ideal spot. There's usually enough isolation in an apartment or house to be able to bring it up privately, allowing the person to react as they normally would. External pressure to react a certain way just doesn't mesh, and a room to talk and eventually break the news is, at least what I think to be, a good spot. Ideally, if it's the first real hangout between us, and the person is showing genuine interest in me. I wouldn't want to go on for to long without bringing it up, I've heard enough info about people thinking up sexual fantasies over periods of time, and the last thing I need is backlash from someone stemming from some daydream fantasy they had the day before, and their confusion about whether this entails homosexuality(which is doesn't, but due to lck of education, I can understand why someone would think it). So with the above in mind, there's really no prancing around the bush to be had in the relationship. No leaving things for a few days unless you have really good, really positive info on the person(like, a friend's friend). Things will be rushed a bit, and issues will be pressed a bit. I honestly wish it wasn't a big deal to people. I honestly wish people would understand that it's just some obstacle that had to be hurdled over to live a normal life, but I can wish all I want...the lack of education on the subject and the social stigma currently rampant won't allow that. So I have to play safety, and I have to play smart, and fair. And I think fair, in this case, is likely first week, hopefully first or second time you hang out with the person. Yeah, that's pretty much what I had envisioned. From some of the earlier comments in this thread I was beginning to think that people had the idea that it's acceptable to keep it under wraps even as the relationship turned toward the physical side of things. I would think that such a situation would be an invasion of the partner's trust and rights. Thanks for your insight.To Lockedge:
I'm curious as to when you think it's appropriate to tell someone you're interested in/dating that you're transgendered. Conversely, at what point do you think you've crossed the line by not telling them soon enough? It's a bit of a sticky situation...
I think it all depends on who you're interesting in, and/or dating. I think it's appropriate to tell the person in a non-social environment that's non-threatening or too public, sometime soon after interest has developed on both sides. I think that a time when you and the other person are genuinely getting to know each other, that it's a good place to bring it up. Like I've said before, giving away info that I'm trans is not something that should be thoughtlessly given away; that's too dangerous. If the person is willing to get to know me, that person gets to know. As soon as I see signs that discussion is heading from small talk to more detailed conversation, I'll gauge the situation to see if it's appropriate to throw it in. If, for instance, I'm at a friend's house with the person(think a small hangout) then that's probably the ideal spot. There's usually enough isolation in an apartment or house to be able to bring it up privately, allowing the person to react as they normally would. External pressure to react a certain way just doesn't mesh, and a room to talk and eventually break the news is, at least what I think to be, a good spot. Ideally, if it's the first real hangout between us, and the person is showing genuine interest in me. I wouldn't want to go on for to long without bringing it up, I've heard enough info about people thinking up sexual fantasies over periods of time, and the last thing I need is backlash from someone stemming from some daydream fantasy they had the day before, and their confusion about whether this entails homosexuality(which is doesn't, but due to lck of education, I can understand why someone would think it). So with the above in mind, there's really no prancing around the bush to be had in the relationship. No leaving things for a few days unless you have really good, really positive info on the person(like, a friend's friend). Things will be rushed a bit, and issues will be pressed a bit. I honestly wish it wasn't a big deal to people. I honestly wish people would understand that it's just some obstacle that had to be hurdled over to live a normal life, but I can wish all I want...the lack of education on the subject and the social stigma currently rampant won't allow that. So I have to play safety, and I have to play smart, and fair. And I think fair, in this case, is likely first week, hopefully first or second time you hang out with the person. Yeah, that's pretty much what I had envisioned. From some of the earlier comments in this thread I was beginning to think that people had the idea that it's acceptable to keep it under wraps even as the relationship turned toward the physical side of things. I would think that such a situation would be an invasion of the partner's trust and rights. Thanks for your insight. Aye, I'm a big advocate of knowing the person in the relationship before much of anything physical happens, and that door swings both ways :PHow do people react when you tell them that you're transgendered? And I'm really sorry if this sounds rude but were you gender confused for a small period of your life?
Vesica_Prime
In response to your first question some take it well, and others take it horribly. I usually just remove the people that hate me for it from my life completely.
In response to your second question, I felt there was something wrong with my body my whole life. I always secretly wanted to be a girl throughout my childhood. I figured out what was wrong when I first learned about transgendered people when I was about 13.
No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times.[QUOTE="Democratik"][QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]
If it is deception then I support that deception. It should be tackled early on at the relationship but at first meeting/before knowing the person well enough? No, that would be stupid, reckless, and dangerous. Of course the other person has a right to know, but people are intolerant about this and transgendered people have, and continue to either be assaulted or even murdered for being who they are. Telling someone such a thing without first knowing they will not act in a violent manner or run around town telling everyone about it is foolish.
Pixel-Pirate
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
ifmore people were honest, the world might be more tolerant. Also, if you lie about it your chances of getting hurt increase. If a guy comes up to you and flirts, and wants to take you home or whatever, you should tell him. We have a culture based around lying to yourself, part of the remedy here is telling the truth.[QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"][QUOTE="Democratik"] No, truth is important at all times. Its more dangerous to lead a guy on. Once the guy finds out youre not a girl, a lot of rules get thrown out the window. especially if he finds out hes been lied to all this time. Its always better (emphasis on ALWAYS) to be honest at all times.Democratik
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
ifmore people were honest, the world might be more tolerant. Also, if you lie about it your chances of getting hurt increase. If a guy comes up to you and flirts, and wants to take you home or whatever, you should tell him. We have a culture based around lying to yourself, part of the remedy here is telling the truth.So....you honest to God believe a transgendered person should tell everyone who hits on them about their past, and that they will be at less risk if they do that?
Yeah...no. If you are gonna go out with someone, you should tell them once you can trust them, but telling everyone who is interested in you is pure stupidity and borderline suicide.
Logic dictates to me that the more people who know=the higher chance of harm. There for blabbing to numerous people who then blab to others until everyone knows=VERY high risk of assault or death. I can understand the whole truth thing, but someones safety is far more important.
My opinion would be to get to know the person, do not get serious with them at all untill you know them well. If you know them well and think they will act well, tell them. If you know them well and think they may act violently or tell others, break off contact with them and don't date them further. And no, I don't think if more people were honest the world would be more tolerant. I think if more people were honest about this sort of thing, there would be alot more murders that killers will likely go free on. A transgendered person being worried about violence against them isn't some frivilous thing. It's not like it never happens, it seems to happen with startling frequency. And from what I've read, alot of murderers/assaulters who target a transgendered person seem to be able to get off without that big of a punishment.
ifmore people were honest, the world might be more tolerant. Also, if you lie about it your chances of getting hurt increase. If a guy comes up to you and flirts, and wants to take you home or whatever, you should tell him. We have a culture based around lying to yourself, part of the remedy here is telling the truth.[QUOTE="Democratik"][QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
Pixel-Pirate
So....you honest to God believe a transgendered person should tell everyone who hits on them about their past, and that they will be at less risk if they do that?
Yeah...no. If you are gonna go out with someone, you should tell them once you can trust them, but telling everyone who is interested in you is pure stupidity and borderline suicide.
Logic dictates to me that the more people who know=the higher chance of harm. There for blabbing to numerous people who then blab to others until everyone knows=VERY high risk of assault or death. I can understand the whole truth thing, but someones safety is far more important.
My opinion would be to get to know the person, do not get serious with them at all untill you know them well. If you know them well and think they will act well, tell them. If you know them well and think they may act violently or tell others, break off contact with them and don't date them further. And no, I don't think if more people were honest the world would be more tolerant. I think if more people were honest about this sort of thing, there would be alot more murders that killers will likely go free on. A transgendered person being worried about violence against them isn't some frivilous thing. It's not like it never happens, it seems to happen with startling frequency. And from what I've read, alot of murderers/assaulters who target a transgendered person seem to be able to get off without that big of a punishment.
That's not what he said. You left out the very important part about them wanting to take you home.
I actually missed that part. I assume the thought was that if you go along you'd have to tell them? Not "Hey wanna come back to my place?" "No, oh by the way I'm transgendered!"
Agreed. A lot of people know of my being TG and I've had a lot of death threats, as well as my bedroom window smashed by yobs and treated like some thing by yobs. While my mum and my brother are accepting of it, as well as a few friends, there are many who think it's wrong of me to not be as they demand.
Until difference is accepted by humanity, anyone who doesn't conform to narrow minded demands are always at risk.
ifmore people were honest, the world might be more tolerant. Also, if you lie about it your chances of getting hurt increase. If a guy comes up to you and flirts, and wants to take you home or whatever, you should tell him. We have a culture based around lying to yourself, part of the remedy here is telling the truth.[QUOTE="Democratik"][QUOTE="Pixel-Pirate"]
No, I'm afraid honesty isn't worth risking death or serious harm just to spare someone some misplaced gay panic. It should be addressed early on, but if you go up to every person you see and say "I was born with male genitalia!" then, yeah, you probably will eventually be either beaten badly or murdered.
I think it was around like 130ish transgendered people have been murdered this year? The truth is not worth risking your life over.
Pixel-Pirate
So....you honest to God believe a transgendered person should tell everyone who hits on them about their past, and that they will be at less risk if they do that?
Yeah...no. If you are gonna go out with someone, you should tell them once you can trust them, but telling everyone who is interested in you is pure stupidity and borderline suicide.
Logic dictates to me that the more people who know=the higher chance of harm. There for blabbing to numerous people who then blab to others until everyone knows=VERY high risk of assault or death. I can understand the whole truth thing, but someones safety is far more important.
My opinion would be to get to know the person, do not get serious with them at all untill you know them well. If you know them well and think they will act well, tell them. If you know them well and think they may act violently or tell others, break off contact with them and don't date them further. And no, I don't think if more people were honest the world would be more tolerant. I think if more people were honest about this sort of thing, there would be alot more murders that killers will likely go free on. A transgendered person being worried about violence against them isn't some frivilous thing. It's not like it never happens, it seems to happen with startling frequency. And from what I've read, alot of murderers/assaulters who target a transgendered person seem to be able to get off without that big of a punishment.
if more people were honest, more people would understand each other. everything else ownage_denied covered.thats where the whole lying thing comes into play... our society is built for intolerance based upon unrealistic expectations, which leads to deception. if people were honest, we would have more realistic expectations, and thus be more tolerant. its really obviousAgreed. A lot of people know of my being TG and I've had a lot of death threats, as well as my bedroom window smashed by yobs and treated like some thing by yobs. While my mum and my brother are accepting of it, as well as a few friends, there are many who think it's wrong of me to not be as they demand.
Until difference is accepted by humanity, anyone who doesn't conform to narrow minded demands are always at risk.
Smokescreened84
[QUOTE="Smokescreened84"]thats where the whole lying thing comes into play... our society is built for intolerance based upon unrealistic expectations, which leads to deception. if people were honest, we would have more realistic expectations, and thus be more tolerant. its really obviousAgreed. A lot of people know of my being TG and I've had a lot of death threats, as well as my bedroom window smashed by yobs and treated like some thing by yobs. While my mum and my brother are accepting of it, as well as a few friends, there are many who think it's wrong of me to not be as they demand.
Until difference is accepted by humanity, anyone who doesn't conform to narrow minded demands are always at risk.
Democratik
How the hell would telling everyone I meet upfront make people more tolerant?
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