My girlfriend betrayed me...

[QUOTE="dracula_16"]

You are overreacting to the extreme. As far as I can see, she's under no obligation to be your puppet. You had no business sticking your nose into her private pictures, but even if we ignore that, you are trying too hard to control her. Maybe it's time you found someone who likes having no say in what she does.

gotdangit

And if you are going out with and girl and she cheats on you, and you say don't do that or even before she does is that controlling, because I think everyone controls then, it's a given.

I know I get paranoid and I'm also the jealous type, she knows that, she of all people knows that better then anyone else. Does that help in this situation? It's not somethingI can control.

gotdangit

You can control it and change if you want to...take from someone who has been there.
In your heart you know you are wrong

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]I know I get paranoid and I'm also the jealous type, she knows that, she of all people knows that better then anyone else. Does that help in this situation? It's not somethingI can control.

mindstorm

So then she is required to accept your imperfections but you cannot accept anything wrong that she does? I'm sensing a double standard. Btw, if you want the relationship to last, then you need to learn how to control it.

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]I know I get paranoid and I'm also the jealous type, she knows that, she of all people knows that better then anyone else. Does that help in this situation? It's not somethingI can control.

mindstorm

So then she is required to accept your imperfections but you cannot accept anything wrong that she does? I'm sensing a double standard. Btw, if you want the relationship to last, then you need to learn how to control it.

All the things she's done have had something to do with guys but this is with smoking. At least with the other things she didn't lie to me.

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="mindstorm"]

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]I know I get paranoid and I'm also the jealous type, she knows that, she of all people knows that better then anyone else. Does that help in this situation? It's not somethingI can control.

gotdangit

So then she is required to accept your imperfections but you cannot accept anything wrong that she does? I'm sensing a double standard. Btw, if you want the relationship to last, then you need to learn how to control it.

All the things she's done have had something to do with guys but this is with smoking. At least with the other things she didn't lie to me.

[QUOTE="Velocitas8"]

You're freaking out over her puffing on a Hookah? Are you kidding me?

Adrianstalker

It's good OT material. So it's serious

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

rawsavon

It's hard to change, how did you do it, it must have been hard, but it probably got better after you got more girlfriends right?

[QUOTE="rawsavon"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

gotdangit

It's hard to change, how did you do it, it must have been hard, but it probably got better after you got more girlfriends right?

I've been going out with this girl for 6 months, and we've known each other 3 years before that, and 1 year before us going out we became really good friends. She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.

Over the summer we kinda took a break, we barely saw each other so we just decided to get back together. We talked every once in a little while and I was kinda being dumb, always trying to make sure she wasn't doing anything dumb or doing anything I wouldn't like. She always told me never did anyone went to like 2 parties but she didn't do anything.

After we got back to school I looked through her pictures in her phone and 2 worried me, one was a picture of 2 girls on of them was her and one guy, that I knew was her friend and she was barely in it, only like edge of her face, and another girl and the guys arm was around her, and It looked like it was around her too, she told me it wasn't. I still don't know much about that picture... The other was what looked like 2 girls and one of them my gf again, what looked like the things from the keg where you drink out of but it wasn't. She told me it was nothing I believed her.

She always told me she never did anything never smoked, I believed her and she told me today she smoked Hookah. What's worse is she lied to me and she did it while we were on out break which she told me she never did anything and wouldn't. She lied to me, she said she only did it once. She still did it.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I should break up with her, stay together, just think bout it for a while, I don't know! She's never done anything like this before, I know she has friends who do drugs but she told me she never did, I believe it but now she smoked, which apperantly isn't a drug which is her argument.

Don't say i'm overreacting because she's my first girlfriend and my best friend, things have changed since before summer, and now after it's wierd, what do you think I should do? Should I break it off, this is the worst thing she's done to me, and she's done a lot of things.

gotdangit

for the love of christ, loosen up man.

Hookah? That doesnt really count as smoking. I mean, I know its tobacco, and its smoke, but its not even 99% as bad as smoking a cigarette (Im talking from a habit and principlepoint of view).

As for the guy with the arm around her, where was is arm? Around her shoulder or back? Or down by her ass? If the former, no worries man guys do that all the time without meaning anything by it.

And lastly, the reason she is not telling you the full truth is likely because she sees you as being A.) uptight, and B.) not understanding. Let her do what she wants, man, or the relationship aint going no where

I don't date girls that smoke/drink/do things like that and i understand why it would upset you. also, why is everyone being so mean to the kid, he's obviously more angry that she promised multiple times that nothing had happened when it had, and probably that he thought she was better then to go and smoke whatever at a party. Also, if someone lies so boldly to you how can you trust them, obviously he has reasons not to trust the girl if she adamantly denied doing the things that she did. However, the whole photo thing isn't really a big deal. I have a lot of friends who are girls that i hug and put my arm around all the time and stuff like that where there's no sexual implications, its just in a friendly way.

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]

Have you guys ever had a friend you've known for years and all of a sudden they start smoking or doing drugs, and they change completely? If you are a true friend you would try to stop them from doing those things, it will ruin their lives.

She's only done it once, but it can turn to worse things.

I guess no one feels the way I do. All the people against me probably do drugs, and to me it's wrong.

gotdangit

It's hard to change, how did you do it, it must have been hard, but it probably got better after you got more girlfriends right?

I don't date girls that smoke/drink/do things like that and i understand why it would upset you. also, why is everyone being so mean to the kid, he's obviously more angry that she promised multiple times that nothing had happened when it had, and probably that he thought she was better then to go and smoke whatever at a party. Also, if someone lies so boldly to you how can you trust them, obviously he has reasons not to trust the girl if she adamantly denied doing the things that she did. However, the whole photo thing isn't really a big deal. I have a lot of friends who are girls that i hug and put my arm around all the time and stuff like that where there's no sexual implications, its just in a friendly way.

Jph625

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

swizz-the-gamer

Why are you still here just to make fun of me and tell me everything I don't want to hear.

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

swizz-the-gamer

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

gotdangit

Why are you still here just to make fun of me and tell me everything I don't want to hear.

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

I don't date girls that smoke/drink/do things like that and i understand why it would upset you. also, why is everyone being so mean to the kid, he's obviously more angry that she promised multiple times that nothing had happened when it had, and probably that he thought she was better then to go and smoke whatever at a party. Also, if someone lies so boldly to you how can you trust them, obviously he has reasons not to trust the girl if she adamantly denied doing the things that she did. However, the whole photo thing isn't really a big deal. I have a lot of friends who are girls that i hug and put my arm around all the time and stuff like that where there's no sexual implications, its just in a friendly way.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.

jimmyjammer69

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

I don't date girls that smoke/drink/do things like that and i understand why it would upset you. also, why is everyone being so mean to the kid, he's obviously more angry that she promised multiple times that nothing had happened when it had, and probably that he thought she was better then to go and smoke whatever at a party. Also, if someone lies so boldly to you how can you trust them, obviously he has reasons not to trust the girl if she adamantly denied doing the things that she did. However, the whole photo thing isn't really a big deal. I have a lot of friends who are girls that i hug and put my arm around all the time and stuff like that where there's no sexual implications, its just in a friendly way.

rawsavon

Uhm, actually, i look for girls who feel the same way that I do and because I don't like some things that other people doesn't make me controlling when i say nothing about it. I avoid girls that do things i don't like and find the girls who have my same values. I have plenty of close friends that drink and smoke and do whatever and i couldn't really care less, but when it comes to someone i'm supposed to be the closest with, and the person who i'm supposed to love i'd like to have some things in common, like the most basic things, our values. I don't know who made you the king of relationship advice but why don't you actually talk to someone before you make assumptions.

[QUOTE="jimmyjammer69"][QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"] Good job! Interrogate her some more, maybe she had a beer!swizz-the-gamer

[QUOTE="rawsavon"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]Thank you, and enough everyone about the arm thing, I got over that, I believe nothing was going on.

Jph625

Uhm, actually, i look for girls who feel the same way that I do and because I don't like some things that other people doesn't make me controlling when i say nothing about it. I avoid girls that do things i don't like and find the girls who have my same values. I have plenty of close friends that drink and smoke and do whatever and i couldn't really care less, but when it comes to someone i'm supposed to be the closest with, and the person who i'm supposed to love i'd like to have some things in common, like the most basic things, our values. I don't know who made you the king of relationship advice but why don't you actually talk to someone before you make assumptions.

She said she didn't tell me because she didn't have the nerve to tell me, so whatever that means. I got it out of her after I asked her if she smoked and she hesitated.gotdangit

It's pretty obvious what it means; mrbojangles25 already mentioned it:

And lastly, the reason she is not telling you the full truth is likely because she sees you as being A.) uptight, and B.) not understanding.mrbojangles25

^This is probably why she "didn't have the nerve" to tell you. You should really lighten up a bit and try to be a bit more understanding. Your reaction might make a little more sense if she started drinking/smoking/doing drugs. But she hasn't. In the presented situation, if you are indeed telling the whole story: your reaction is just ridiculous..

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"] Good job! Interrogate her some more, maybe she had a beer!swizz-the-gamer

Why are you still here just to make fun of me and tell me everything I don't want to hear.

Listen, this girl, She's Christian she doesn't believe in having sex before marriage, she believes doing anything sexual is bad, I thought she thought drugs, alcohol and smoking were bad, and I guess she only believes 2 of those 3 things are bad.

She said she regretted it and it was peer pressure that got her to do it, but she still lied, andshe still did it. Why do you hate me so much, please just leave.

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

[QUOTE="rawsavon"] Both of you are wrong...you cannot expect a person not to do things just because you do not want them too. You cannot draw a line in the sand on every issue (drink, smoke, dance, party, do this, don't do that) -of course there are major issues that you have to put your foot down on (cheating) But you have to let people live their lives and enjoy itrawsavon

Uhm, actually, i look for girls who feel the same way that I do and because I don't like some things that other people doesn't make me controlling when i say nothing about it. I avoid girls that do things i don't like and find the girls who have my same values. I have plenty of close friends that drink and smoke and do whatever and i couldn't really care less, but when it comes to someone i'm supposed to be the closest with, and the person who i'm supposed to love i'd like to have some things in common, like the most basic things, our values. I don't know who made you the king of relationship advice but why don't you actually talk to someone before you make assumptions.

In 4 years i won't care because I will be off age and it won't be a problem with me. Its when kids my age do that bothers me. I'm not gonna be that guy who doesn't ever go to parties or drink but I'm not gonna be the party animal either. At this point in my life i have no need to drink and i don't need people in my life who want to convince me to do otherwise. I'm very laid back and trusting when it comes to girls and I figure that when I find the "right" one i won't have to worry about stuff like cheating and whatever else. To answer your question though, say after a year of dating a girl, If i found out that she had betrayed my trust like that then i'd be upset. I'd probably talk to her about the decision and tell her that I'm not comfortable with her doing it and if she doesn't want to then whatever, its not like I'm gonna marry the girl.

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]All she said was nevermind and I said tell me then she did.

Why are you still here just to make fun of me and tell me everything I don't want to hear.

gotdangit

Listen, this girl, She's Christian she doesn't believe in having sex before marriage, she believes doing anything sexual is bad, I thought she thought drugs, alcohol and smoking were bad, and I guess she only believes 2 of those 3 things are bad.

She said she regretted it and it was peer pressure that got her to do it, but she still lied, andshe still did it. Why do you hate me so much, please just leave.

If she honestly regrets it and you know she's a good girl then give her a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance.

I don't think people here hate you, they are just trying to helprawsavon

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]All she said was nevermind and I said tell me then she did.

Why are you still here just to make fun of me and tell me everything I don't want to hear.

gotdangit

Listen, this girl, She's Christian she doesn't believe in having sex before marriage, she believes doing anything sexual is bad, I thought she thought drugs, alcohol and smoking were bad, and I guess she only believes 2 of those 3 things are bad.

She said she regretted it and it was peer pressure that got her to do it, but she still lied, andshe still did it. Why do you hate me so much, please just leave.

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="swizz-the-gamer"] Look, your sounding like you have serious problems. Seriously speak to your parents or something, if not these problems will ruin every relationship you ever have.Jph625

Listen, this girl, She's Christian she doesn't believe in having sex before marriage, she believes doing anything sexual is bad, I thought she thought drugs, alcohol and smoking were bad, and I guess she only believes 2 of those 3 things are bad.

She said she regretted it and it was peer pressure that got her to do it, but she still lied, andshe still did it. Why do you hate me so much, please just leave.

If she honestly regrets it and you know she's a good girl then give her a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Stop being such a control freak. Good luck finding a girl that doesn't do at least one thing you don't approve of.

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]Speak to my parents about what? That I'm strongly against drugs, smoking and alcohol? Or that I get jealous easily.

Listen, this girl, She's Christian she doesn't believe in having sex before marriage, she believes doing anything sexual is bad, I thought she thought drugs, alcohol and smoking were bad, and I guess she only believes 2 of those 3 things are bad.

She said she regretted it and it was peer pressure that got her to do it, but she still lied, andshe still did it. Why do you hate me so much, please just leave.

gotdangit

If she honestly regrets it and you know she's a good girl then give her a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Well obviously talk to her but there's really nothing to think about. If she did something wrong, apologized, and regrets it then why wouldn't you just get over it and see what happens? If she does it again and it troubles you so deeply then yes, you can seriously think about ending it.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"][QUOTE="Jph625"]

Uhm, actually, i look for girls who feel the same way that I do and because I don't like some things that other people doesn't make me controlling when i say nothing about it. I avoid girls that do things i don't like and find the girls who have my same values. I have plenty of close friends that drink and smoke and do whatever and i couldn't really care less, but when it comes to someone i'm supposed to be the closest with, and the person who i'm supposed to love i'd like to have some things in common, like the most basic things, our values. I don't know who made you the king of relationship advice but why don't you actually talk to someone before you make assumptions.

Jph625

In 4 years i won't care because I will be off age and it won't be a problem with me. Its when kids my age do that bothers me. I'm not gonna be that guy who doesn't ever go to parties or drink but I'm not gonna be the party animal either. At this point in my life i have no need to drink and i don't need people in my life who want to convince me to do otherwise. I'm very laid back and trusting when it comes to girls and I figure that when I find the "right" one i won't have to worry about stuff like cheating and whatever else. To answer your question though, say after a year of dating a girl, If i found out that she had betrayed my trust like that then i'd be upset. I'd probably talk to her about the decision and tell her that I'm not comfortable with her doing it and if she doesn't want to then whatever, its not like I'm gonna marry the girl.

if the worst thing she has ever done is tried smoking out oncethen you should be just fine. I know you told me not to say it but you are overreacting.

Ewww... she smokes. Umm try privately talking to her and see if it works out well.

I'm not that good when it comes to girls.

Well obviously talk to her but there's really nothing to think about. If she did something wrong, apologized, and regrets it then why wouldn't you just get over it and see what happens? If she does it again and it troubles you so deeply then yes, you can seriously think about ending it.

Jph625

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

[QUOTE="rawsavon"] What will you do if she changes her mind later on and wants to drink? -say after 4 years togetherrawsavon

In 4 years i won't care because I will be off age and it won't be a problem with me. Its when kids my age do that bothers me. I'm not gonna be that guy who doesn't ever go to parties or drink but I'm not gonna be the party animal either. At this point in my life i have no need to drink and i don't need people in my life who want to convince me to do otherwise. I'm very laid back and trusting when it comes to girls and I figure that when I find the "right" one i won't have to worry about stuff like cheating and whatever else. To answer your question though, say after a year of dating a girl, If i found out that she had betrayed my trust like that then i'd be upset. I'd probably talk to her about the decision and tell her that I'm not comfortable with her doing it and if she doesn't want to then whatever, its not like I'm gonna marry the girl.

It seems as though he just needs to have more experience with women before he'll understand how to react and what is normal and what isn't.

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

Well obviously talk to her but there's really nothing to think about. If she did something wrong, apologized, and regrets it then why wouldn't you just get over it and see what happens? If she does it again and it troubles you so deeply then yes, you can seriously think about ending it.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

Well obviously talk to her but there's really nothing to think about. If she did something wrong, apologized, and regrets it then why wouldn't you just get over it and see what happens? If she does it again and it troubles you so deeply then yes, you can seriously think about ending it.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="Jph625"]

Well obviously talk to her but there's really nothing to think about. If she did something wrong, apologized, and regrets it then why wouldn't you just get over it and see what happens? If she does it again and it troubles you so deeply then yes, you can seriously think about ending it.

jimmyjammer69

Why do I need to smoke? I don't, I don't need to try these things.