My girlfriend betrayed me...

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="_en1gma_"] Wow...you're judging as well? :?_en1gma_

[QUOTE="_en1gma_"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]That's what I believe in, are you judging my beliefs? If my friends ask me to smoke and I do, it's my fault not theres.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="Serraph105"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]

It's my fault she got drunk and smoked? She's got no one else to blame but herself. You have to accept responsibility for yourself.

No, I do things because I want to, I've done stupid things like shoot rocks at cars with a slingshot, I admit that it's my fault, I don't blame my friends for brining a slingshot to my house, I used it.I've not done stupid things like drink.

just calm down man

Doesn't sound like she did anything, let alone anything akin to betrayl, let alone to YOU.

There is far, FAR worse things she could do to you.

Doesn't sound like she did anything, let alone anything akin to betrayl, let alone to YOU.

There is far, FAR worse things she could do to you.

DigitalExile

I lol'd Stop overreacting Juggernaut140

If only you knew how I fealt.

[QUOTE="DigitalExile"]

Doesn't sound like she did anything, let alone anything akin to betrayl, let alone to YOU.

There is far, FAR worse things she could do to you.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="DigitalExile"]

Doesn't sound like she did anything, let alone anything akin to betrayl, let alone to YOU.

There is far, FAR worse things she could do to you.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]

[QUOTE="DigitalExile"]

Doesn't sound like she did anything, let alone anything akin to betrayl, let alone to YOU.

There is far, FAR worse things she could do to you.

Arctic_Grillz

Not only did she lie to me about smoking, she lied to me about drinking, and getting drunk, both over summer, one was while we were going out.

She's a liar.

gotdangit

[QUOTE="Juggernaut140"]I lol'd Stop overreacting gotdangit

If only you knew how I fealt.

I may not be the right person to say this but I suggest you break up with her. The more you force her to stop smoking, the more she'll feel suffocated and stay away from you.

Besides, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You might find a girl prettier and more decent than she is. ^^

Touch her shoulder. You'll feel much better afterwards.

Be glad she didn't do much worse things to you. Did you ever express to her, explicitly, that you don't want her to get involved with drinking/smoking? Or did you just assume she "doesn't" do those things because she "didn't" up until that point? Yes, she lied to you, but this seems more like a white lie kind of situation... and really, at least she told you about it directly, and you didn't have to find out from someone or something else.

I would definitely say you are overreacting... and make me suspect you are kind of controlling. If she wants to smoke, or drink, then she's entitled to do so. If you express to her that it bothers you, then she should respect that choice of yours, but the way you put it, its like she cheated on you or something. You write like she's torn your heart from your chest because you just saw a video of her having sex with another guy.

Sure, she went to a party, had some fun... but at least she remained committed to you. If you can't forgive something as simple as this, then break up with her. You'll be doing her and yourself a favour. There aren't very many things in this world that aren't forgivable. Having some fun while remaining monogamous isn't one of them.

I've been going out with this girl for 6 months, and we've known each other 3 years before that, and 1 year before us going out we became really good friends. She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.

Over the summer we kinda took a break, we barely saw each other so we just decided to get back together. We talked every once in a little while and I was kinda being dumb, always trying to make sure she wasn't doing anything dumb or doing anything I wouldn't like. She always told me never did anyone went to like 2 parties but she didn't do anything.

After we got back to school I looked through her pictures in her phone and 2 worried me, one was a picture of 2 girls on of them was her and one guy, that I knew was her friend and she was barely in it, only like edge of her face, and another girl and the guys arm was around her, and It looked like it was around her too, she told me it wasn't. I still don't know much about that picture... The other was what looked like 2 girls and one of them my gf again, what looked like the things from the keg where you drink out of but it wasn't. She told me it was nothing I believed her.

She always told me she never did anything never smoked, I believed her and she told me today she smoked Hookah. What's worse is she lied to me and she did it while we were on out break which she told me she never did anything and wouldn't. She lied to me, she said she only did it once. She still did it.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I should break up with her, stay together, just think bout it for a while, I don't know! She's never done anything like this before, I know she has friends who do drugs but she told me she never did, I believe it but now she smoked, which apperantly isn't a drug which is her argument.

Don't say i'm overreacting because she's my first girlfriend and my best friend, things have changed since before summer, and now after it's wierd, what do you think I should do? Should I break it off, this is the worst thing she's done to me, and she's done a lot of things.

gotdangit

Hookahs have tobacco in them... just to let you know.mindstorm

Dude... For her sake. Break up with her.

swizz-the-gamer

I agree.

I'd have to say, stay together with her... unless she starts doing "real drugs" then she would have completely lied to you.

I'd have to say, stay together with her... unless she starts doing "real drugs" then she would have completely lied to you.

-Russ93

[QUOTE="-Russ93"]

I'd have to say, stay together with her... unless she starts doing "real drugs" then she would have completely lied to you.

foxhound_fox

Just wanted to point out that alcohol DOES NOT increase aggressiveness.
It is a depressant...therefore it works by lowering inhibitions (the walls we put up)...so it lets out "true" feelings...whatever they may be (for some aggression, for some passion, etc.)

[QUOTE="-Russ93"]

I'd have to say, stay together with her... unless she starts doing "real drugs" then she would have completely lied to you.

foxhound_fox

That's exactly what I was thinking, but some a lot of the posts I read didn't consider it such a big deal. and by real drugs I meant illegal ones.

Just wanted to point out that alcohol DOES NOT increase aggressiveness.
It is a depressant...therefore it works by lowering inhibitions (the walls we put up)...so it lets out "true" feelings...whatever they may be (for some aggression, for some passion, etc.)

rawsavon

Dude... For her sake. Break up with her.

swizz-the-gamer

You seem very controlling and paranoid, that will definately scare her off, young man.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

Just wanted to point out that alcohol DOES NOT increase aggressiveness.
It is a depressant...therefore it works by lowering inhibitions (the walls we put up)...so it lets out "true" feelings...whatever they may be (for some aggression, for some passion, etc.)

foxhound_fox

I understand what you are saying...but there are many on here that will take what you said literally...they will take that "alcohol = aggressive"
I just wanted to point out that that is false...alcohol = release real you (inner desires)...which for some is aggression
-so yes, aggressive people will get more aggressive and pick fights (less inhibition to stop them)
-but people can also get more "lovey", etc.

I understand what you are saying...but there are many on here that will take what you said literally...they will take that "alcohol = aggressive"
I just wanted to point out that that is false...alcohol = release real you (inner desires)...which for some is aggression
-so yes, aggressive people will get more aggressive and pick fights (less inhibition to stop them)
-but people can also get more "lovey", etc.

rawsavon

I've been going out with this girl for 6 months, and we've known each other 3 years before that, and 1 year before us going out we became really good friends. She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.

Over the summer we kinda took a break, we barely saw each other so we just decided to get back together. We talked every once in a little while and I was kinda being dumb, always trying to make sure she wasn't doing anything dumb or doing anything I wouldn't like. She always told me never did anyone went to like 2 parties but she didn't do anything.

After we got back to school I looked through her pictures in her phone and 2 worried me, one was a picture of 2 girls on of them was her and one guy, that I knew was her friend and she was barely in it, only like edge of her face, and another girl and the guys arm was around her, and It looked like it was around her too, she told me it wasn't. I still don't know much about that picture... The other was what looked like 2 girls and one of them my gf again, what looked like the things from the keg where you drink out of but it wasn't. She told me it was nothing I believed her.

She always told me she never did anything never smoked, I believed her and she told me today she smoked Hookah. What's worse is she lied to me and she did it while we were on out break which she told me she never did anything and wouldn't. She lied to me, she said she only did it once. She still did it.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I should break up with her, stay together, just think bout it for a while, I don't know! She's never done anything like this before, I know she has friends who do drugs but she told me she never did, I believe it but now she smoked, which apperantly isn't a drug which is her argument.

Don't say i'm overreacting because she's my first girlfriend and my best friend, things have changed since before summer, and now after it's wierd, what do you think I should do? Should I break it off, this is the worst thing she's done to me, and she's done a lot of things.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]I understand what you are saying...but there are many on here that will take what you said literally...they will take that "alcohol = aggressive"
I just wanted to point out that that is false...alcohol = release real you (inner desires)...which for some is aggression
-so yes, aggressive people will get more aggressive and pick fights (less inhibition to stop them)
-but people can also get more "lovey", etc.

foxhound_fox

All I am going to ask is: "do you have a degree in this?"
-I do

I can tell that all people have all emotions...you drink, your walls come down...all the walls you have built up over the years of your life (because it lowers the inhibitions that keep up the walls of your psyche)
You have aggression in you (all people do)...you are not aggressive in your daily life...it is suppressed...hence why it comes out when you drink.

I am the opposite.
I am an ahole in daily life...I suppress the lovey side...it comes out when I drink.

What you describe as mood swings is, in fact, suppressed emotions bubbling out when the walls come down.

If you have some literature/studies to back your argument I would love to debate this (seriously, not in a sarcastic way...I love talking about my field of study)
But if not...
Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

Lol hookah is nothing, if it were crack or meth then u would have a reason to get upset. Just relax guy.

All I am going to ask is: "do you have a degree in this?"
-I do

I can tell that all people have all emotions...you drink, your walls come down...all the walls you have built up over the years of your life (because it lowers the inhibitions that keep up the walls of your psyche)
You have aggression in you (all people do)...you are not aggressive in your daily life...it is suppressed...hence why it comes out when you drink.

I am the opposite.
I am an ahole in daily life...I suppress the lovey side...it comes out when I drink.

What you describe as mood swings is, in fact, suppressed emotions bubbling out when the walls come down.

If you have some literature/studies to back your argument I would love to debate this (seriously, not in a sarcastic way...I love talking about my field of study)
But if not...
Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

rawsavon

Before you ask, yes I do have a degree. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology with a focus in addictions. And honestly, "suppressed emotions" has little, if anything, to do with the addiction field. I do agree though that alcohol does affectour inhibitions, however, this is more due to alcohol's affect on your ability to reason because of alcohol's affect in the prefrontal cortex.

*edit~ I would like to add suppressed emotions do have a part in addictions, however, not as you mean. Most people in the addiction field agree that mental health issues (depression, anxiety, bipolar) are highly correlated with substance use. In affect, people self-medicate themselves with drugs and/or alcohol to supress or cope with mental health issues. They are what is referred to as a dual diagnosis.

Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

rawsavon

[QUOTE="gotdangit"]She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.RedruM_I

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

All I am going to ask is: "do you have a degree in this?"
-I do

I can tell that all people have all emotions...you drink, your walls come down...all the walls you have built up over the years of your life (because it lowers the inhibitions that keep up the walls of your psyche)
You have aggression in you (all people do)...you are not aggressive in your daily life...it is suppressed...hence why it comes out when you drink.

I am the opposite.
I am an ahole in daily life...I suppress the lovey side...it comes out when I drink.

What you describe as mood swings is, in fact, suppressed emotions bubbling out when the walls come down.

If you have some literature/studies to back your argument I would love to debate this (seriously, not in a sarcastic way...I love talking about my field of study)
But if not...
Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

Eddie5vs1

Before you ask, yes I do have a degree. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology with a focus in addictions. And honestly, "suppressed emotions" has little, if anything, to do with the addiction field. I do agree though that alcohol does affectour inhibitions, however, this is more due to alcohol's affect on your ability to reason because of alcohol's affect in the prefrontal cortex.

The only book that I have on me is "uppers, owners, all arounders" by Inaba and Cohen.
The rest are either in my office or in storage.

I am not talking about addiction though...addicts behave very differently than non addicts.

Here is a short version of Moderate Dosage effects (once again, not addicts):
"Alcohol affects people by lowering inhibitions, increasing self-confidence, and promoting sociability. It calms, relaxes, sedates, and reduces tension....But (it) deepens emotions, so for some drinkers that means sociablity and talkativeness and for others, verbal or physical aggressiveness and even violence"

-addicts are different though, not my specialty, by far...only 2 clases in dealing with addiction
-also, your view will depend on your philosophy...how much emphasis do you place on internal emtions, outside environmental influences, social factors, childhood, motivation, etc. etc.

I put a great deal of emphasis on the internal psyche of person (as evidenced by what I said)

Also, in my experinece, mean drunks are mean no matter where they are and lovey drunks are lovey no matter where they are.
-so I do not place much emphasis on the social aspect in this instance
-I place a great deal of emphasis on the social aspect in other situations though...I just think that the depressive impacts of alochol (which I mentioned in earlier posts) negates the social impact by getting rid of social inhibitions.

But my feeling is that we will have to agree to disagree because I place so much emphasis on repressed emotions and the health of the psyche.
But this whole thing was because one poster said that alcohol caused aggression...which I said was false...IMO it lets out what you have pent up inside you...it amplifies it (no matter what it is)

[QUOTE="RedruM_I"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.Eddie5vs1

[QUOTE="Eddie5vs1"]

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

All I am going to ask is: "do you have a degree in this?"
-I do

I can tell that all people have all emotions...you drink, your walls come down...all the walls you have built up over the years of your life (because it lowers the inhibitions that keep up the walls of your psyche)
You have aggression in you (all people do)...you are not aggressive in your daily life...it is suppressed...hence why it comes out when you drink.

I am the opposite.
I am an ahole in daily life...I suppress the lovey side...it comes out when I drink.

What you describe as mood swings is, in fact, suppressed emotions bubbling out when the walls come down.

If you have some literature/studies to back your argument I would love to debate this (seriously, not in a sarcastic way...I love talking about my field of study)
But if not...
Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

rawsavon

Before you ask, yes I do have a degree. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology with a focus in addictions. And honestly, "suppressed emotions" has little, if anything, to do with the addiction field. I do agree though that alcohol does affectour inhibitions, however, this is more due to alcohol's affect on your ability to reason because of alcohol's affect in the prefrontal cortex.

The only book that I have on me is "uppers, owners, all arounders" by Inaba and Cohen.
The rest are either in my office or in storage.

I am not talking about addiction though...addicts behave very differently than non addicts.

Here is a short version of Moderate Dosage effects (once again, not addicts):
"Alcohol affects people by lowering inhibitions, increasing self-confidence, and promoting sociability. It calms, relaxes, sedates, and reduces tension....But (it) deepens emotions, so for some drinkers that means sociablity and talkativeness and for others, verbal or physical aggressiveness and even violence"

-addicts are different though, not my specialty, by far...only 2 clases in dealing with addiction
-also, your view will depend on your philosophy...how much emphasis do you place on internal emtions, outside environmental influences, social factors, childhood, motivation, etc. etc.

I put a great deal of emphasis on the internal psyche of person (as evidenced by what I said)

Also, in my experinece, mean drunks are mean no matter where they are and lovey drunks are lovey no matter where they are.
-so I do not place much emphasis on the social aspect in this instance
-I place a great deal of emphasis on the social aspect in other situations though...I just think that the depressive impacts of alochol (which I mentioned in earlier posts) negates the social impact by getting rid of social inhibitions.

But my feeling is that we will have to agree to disagree because I place so much emphasis on repressed emotions and the health of the psyche.
But this whole thing was because one poster said that alcohol caused aggression...which I said was false...IMO it lets out what you have pent up inside you...it amplifies it (no matter what it is)

In regard to your emphasis on repressed emotions, that's fine as psychology has a lot of differences depending on your school of thought. I however utilize reality therapy in exploring addiction issues while explore the underlying mental health. The specific program I use in the treatment of addiction is usually the Stages of Change.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]Also, if you would like some documentation, I can provide plenty.

foxhound_fox

From the same book I listed:
(short hand...too long to type all)

Blocking of inhibitions is caused by alcohol's effects on higher centers of the brain that controls reasoning and judgment.
First effects cortex, then lower centers of limbic system that rule mood and emotion.
Psychological effects come from interaction with neurotransmitters (met-enkephalin...reduces pain; serotonin; dopamine...causes pleasure, GABA...the major inhibitory transmitter in the brain)

= lower inhibition and slow brain processing
==== less inhibitions = do what you really want to (no matter what they happen to be)

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

[QUOTE="Eddie5vs1"] Yeah, I'd love some documentation. I can kind of see what you're saying, but how alcohol affects us isn't necessarily affected by your "psyche". It has a lot to do with current moods, your social environment, etc. Additionally, alcohol is a depressant.

Before you ask, yes I do have a degree. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology with a focus in addictions. And honestly, "suppressed emotions" has little, if anything, to do with the addiction field. I do agree though that alcohol does affectour inhibitions, however, this is more due to alcohol's affect on your ability to reason because of alcohol's affect in the prefrontal cortex.

Eddie5vs1

The only book that I have on me is "uppers, owners, all arounders" by Inaba and Cohen.
The rest are either in my office or in storage.

I am not talking about addiction though...addicts behave very differently than non addicts.

Here is a short version of Moderate Dosage effects (once again, not addicts):
"Alcohol affects people by lowering inhibitions, increasing self-confidence, and promoting sociability. It calms, relaxes, sedates, and reduces tension....But (it) deepens emotions, so for some drinkers that means sociablity and talkativeness and for others, verbal or physical aggressiveness and even violence"

-addicts are different though, not my specialty, by far...only 2 clases in dealing with addiction
-also, your view will depend on your philosophy...how much emphasis do you place on internal emtions, outside environmental influences, social factors, childhood, motivation, etc. etc.

I put a great deal of emphasis on the internal psyche of person (as evidenced by what I said)

Also, in my experinece, mean drunks are mean no matter where they are and lovey drunks are lovey no matter where they are.
-so I do not place much emphasis on the social aspect in this instance
-I place a great deal of emphasis on the social aspect in other situations though...I just think that the depressive impacts of alochol (which I mentioned in earlier posts) negates the social impact by getting rid of social inhibitions.

But my feeling is that we will have to agree to disagree because I place so much emphasis on repressed emotions and the health of the psyche.
But this whole thing was because one poster said that alcohol caused aggression...which I said was false...IMO it lets out what you have pent up inside you...it amplifies it (no matter what it is)

In regard to your emphasis on repressed emotions, that's fine as psychology has a lot of differences depending on your school of thought. I however utilize reality therapy in exploring addiction issues while explore the underlying mental health. The specific program I use in the treatment of addiction is usually the Stages of Change.

I knew that we end with the "agree to disagree"...too many schools of thought... :(
1. I would be interested what your book says for addicts...which are totally different effects than the rest of the population (different effects on brain chemistry, etc.)
2. But it seems like we only differ a little
-We both agree that it lowers inhibitions
-We both agree that it amplifies emotions (because of decreased inhibitions)
-I just think that the repressed ones (the ones we work hardest to control) are the main one that "come out" when you drink

You did not put your 2 cents in on the other poster's view though:
He said alcohol causes aggression...your thoughts?

[QUOTE="foxhound_fox"]

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

Just wanted to point out that alcohol DOES NOT increase aggressiveness.
It is a depressant...therefore it works by lowering inhibitions (the walls we put up)...so it lets out "true" feelings...whatever they may be (for some aggression, for some passion, etc.)

rawsavon

I understand what you are saying...but there are many on here that will take what you said literally...they will take that "alcohol = aggressive"
I just wanted to point out that that is false...alcohol = release real you (inner desires)...which for some is aggression
-so yes, aggressive people will get more aggressive and pick fights (less inhibition to stop them)
-but people can also get more "lovey", etc.

Hmm... I don't know if you can really say that alcohol releases "the real you". I like your floodgates analogy which you mention in a later post, but surely that super-ego is no less a part of our identity than our ego, and when we subtract it, we're no longer the "real" us.

[QUOTE="RedruM_I"][QUOTE="gotdangit"]She was like the best girl, hard to find, she never smoked, never done drugs, never drinks, real straight edge.Eddie5vs1

Is not so much an insult as it is an observation. From the post it is clear that the TC suffers from some control issues and he should have to start dealing with them one day or he's going to be miserable and make someone else's life miserable too. It's better to say things straight away than to try to sugarcoat them, it's probably better for the TC anyway if he realizes it sooner.

I know what I'm talking about. I used to be a kind of control freak until I decided it was enough. Now I'm a whole lot better.

[QUOTE="rawsavon"]

[QUOTE="foxhound_fox"]
It still increases aggressiveness, due to the eliminating of inhibitions. It is quite common for people to pick fights while drunk. I was at a football (Canadian) game last night, and two people in my section were removed by the police for picking fights with other fans.

jimmyjammer69

I understand what you are saying...but there are many on here that will take what you said literally...they will take that "alcohol = aggressive"
I just wanted to point out that that is false...alcohol = release real you (inner desires)...which for some is aggression
-so yes, aggressive people will get more aggressive and pick fights (less inhibition to stop them)
-but people can also get more "lovey", etc.

Hmm... I don't know if you can really say that alcohol releases "the real you". I like your floodgates analogy which you mention in a later post, but surely that super-ego is no less a part of our identity than our ego, and when we subtract it, we're no longer the "real" us.

I will agree with that...should have phrased different.
It lets out "unregulated" desires...(not our true self, since all parts make up the self)

For someone who does not like psychologists, you sure know a lot ;)
hmmm....I am now very curious

TC is pathetic. I hope for her sake that you break up with her. This is just sad, give her a little freedom, Hitlercpo335

[QUOTE="cpo335"]TC is pathetic. I hope for her sake that you break up with her. This is just sad, give her a little freedom, HitlerDystopian-X

Omg lol. you are overreacting. Smoking hookah isn't that bad. It isn't liking smoking cigarettes or anything. But still, you cannot control her.