My mom keeps putting christian stuff in my room...and im not christian

1. have a chat with her; you dont have to admit you're atheist, just explain that you dont share her faith, and you find it offensive she is thrusting it on you.

2. failing compromise, its her house, her rules. Unless you pay rent, you gotta do what she says

3. move

I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.EMOEVOLUTION

This is an extremely ironic statement to me. :o

I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.EMOEVOLUTION

Well im going to take a guess that you dont pay rent to stay with your parents house. If you dont then it is your moms and dads house so you have to go by their rules. If your mom wants you to have religious things in your room so be it, its their house. But really it shouldnt be that too big a deal to have a few christian things in your room, its not like your mom is making you read the bible before you go to bed every night. You could always move out or talk to her and explain why you dont like that sort of items in your room.

I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.EMOEVOLUTION

... Athiesm doesn't preach to spread or save people.. It is a personal belief, Christianity on the other hand preaches directly that.. I don't see how this can be claimed one way or the other..

Her house, her rules. If you really don't like it, calm yourself down and have a peaceful talk with her about it. If she still doesn't relent, then just ignore it. It's not that hard.

I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.EMOEVOLUTION

Its called compassion, EMO

maybe his mom is a devout Christian, and he doesnt want to break her heart

Maybe he still isn't 100% sure about his atheism.

In short, maybe its about respecting other's beliefs because youre caring enough to do so. There is more to life than being a jerk and going "This is what I am, love it or leave it. Oh, and youre all fools for believing in what I do not"

[QUOTE="EMOEVOLUTION"]I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.mrbojangles25

Its called compassion, EMO

maybe his mom is a devout Christian, and he doesnt want to break her heart

Maybe he still isn't 100% sure about his atheism.

In short, maybe its about respecting other's beliefs because youre caring enough to do so. There is more to life than being a jerk and going "This is what I am, love it or leave it. Oh, and youre all fools for believing in what I do not"

.. Not to mention where does it say that any personal belief regardless of what that belief maybe can be kept private? And its better to be DIPLOMATIC in this situation then a self rightous moron.

[QUOTE="mrbojangles25"]

[QUOTE="EMOEVOLUTION"]I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.sSubZerOo

Its called compassion, EMO

maybe his mom is a devout Christian, and he doesnt want to break her heart

Maybe he still isn't 100% sure about his atheism.

In short, maybe its about respecting other's beliefs because youre caring enough to do so. There is more to life than being a jerk and going "This is what I am, love it or leave it. Oh, and youre all fools for believing in what I do not"

.. Not to mention where does it say that any personal belief regardless of what that belief maybe can be kept private? And its better to be DIPLOMATIC in this situation then a self rightous moron.

precisely my thoughts as well

[QUOTE="CUDCUD"]

Well let me start off by saying im 18 and im an atheist. I was brought up christian and even a few weeks ago i was forced to go to church. For a while now i have been trying to take a cross that was hanging above my bedroom door and any other religious things out because i dont believe it so to me its a waste of space and is extremely annoying to have in my room. A few months ago i got new shelves and a new desk for my room and i put all the junk in a box including some rosary beads and apparently there was a bible on the shelf. As long as everythiing stayed in the box it wasnt much of a problem because i recognied it as the "junk box".

Today when i was at uni my mom thought it would be nice to clean the box out, well i guess it was good but what she did with some of the stuff in the box has me furious. When i arrived home from uni i noticed the junk box was no longer in my room and i immediately checked a drawer that she had put stuff in before and i noticed a box of rosary beads and some random toy so i took them out and tried to find another place for them but i couldnt find a place for the rosary beads cos my junk box was gone. A few hours later my mom told me she put a bible on my bedhead thing that has some other books on it and at this point in time i was really tired from a long day at uni and this just really made me so mad. I have a bad temper and i get irritated easily, and there is just no reasoning with my mom she is just horrible. She keeps threatening to disconnect my pc, and probably my tv with my games on it too, in my room if i get rid of the junk that she put in my room. If i cant have my room looks how i want it how am i supposed to relax and feel comfortable at all, i dont think i can sleep with that bible next to me because it is so frustrating.

Im not sure if she knows im atheist but i think she suspects it as it came up in conversation before but i think she tries to deny it by forcing me go to church and have that junk in my room. How does she force me you ask well by threatening to disconnect stuff and make me even more depressed and hateful.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make my mom see reason and let me remove the christian junk she puts in it?

my_mortal_coil

You live under her roof? If you do it doesn't matter WHAT your mom says. She is helping you out while you go to school. She could, if she wanted to, just kick your heathen ass out OR make you pay rent.;) I say be a little more grateful and a lot more patient.

If having a bible and a cross in your room will make her happy and keep you connected to the interweb, I say it's a small price to pay. That doesn't mean that she expects you to become a choirboy or to go to school for ministry. It won't change your views on the matter, it will just apease your mom. Also, she's still your mom and she just doesn't want you to burn in hell. I think that's sweet.

I had a similar experience with religious family members. It's just not worth the effort to have a passive-agressive tug-o-war over religion.

I lol'd hard at that :D

Oh ****, here comes his mom now..

[spoiler] [/spoiler]

Wow this makes me so glad my parents are atheist as can be.

I doubt you're really an atheist if you don't have the courage or conviction to be up front about it with your own parents.EMOEVOLUTION

It's a personal belief, nothing more.JustPlainLucas

Your 18 your living under her roof she doesnt have to let you live there you know.

@ theone86

I couldn't agree more buddy, I though I was insane for a minute seeing all those ''it's her house, her rules'' crap.

On topic: It's a question of respect, mutual respect and it's very important your mom understand that you respect her beliefs and that she learn to respect yours. It might comes out as blunt but it's really time you get a discussion about it if it ticks you off. Yes there will be yelling, maybe some tears shed, some anger flowing in the air and words that weren't meant to be said but that's how it happens on the moment. I say this since it rarely hardly ever go quietly, nicely and peacefully but hey, I wish you the best.

A parent will be far more proud and know their child became grown up when they can stand up to them and show some of their personal character even if they don't like it. You're a human, not a puppy rolling for treats and the sooner you make that clear, the better. A parent's job is to support their child through their entire life no matter what they do (in general cases). When you have a children and procreate that's what you signed for. It doesn't end up when he's old enough and it certainly doesn't end up when you stop doing what they want out of you.

I've been there, done that for different reasons but trust me, what you need to tell yourself is that you don't live under your mother's roof but rather coexist with her under the same roof, as it should be. If everyone would coexist together, the world wouldn't be such a dirthole, although we're not doing to bad compared to the past and getting there slowly. You are not being ungrateful for being who you are, you're doing both yourself and your mother a favor by telling her who you are, what you believe into and what you aspire to do in life.

I don't agree with the "her house, her rules" response. However, I don't think religious items are sometime to fuss about. Just respect her wishes, what's so hard about that? Telling her to stop may just encourage her to put more things in your room.ghoklebutter

[QUOTE="ghoklebutter"]I don't agree with the "her house, her rules" response. However, I don't think religious items are sometime to fuss about. Just respect her wishes, what's so hard about that? Telling her to stop may just encourage her to put more things in your room.JustPlainLucas

18 and still with ur parents. just move out

It's just a bible and other stuff, it won't kill you.

The church thing is a problem though - tell her you have better things to do (assuming she knows you're Atheist).

@ theone86

I couldn't agree more buddy, I though I was insane for a minute seeing all those ''it's her house, her rules'' crap.

Cenerune

@ theone86

I couldn't agree more buddy, I though I was insane for a minute seeing all those ''it's her house, her rules'' crap.

On topic: It's a question of respect, mutual respect and it's very important your mom understand that you respect her beliefs and that she learn to respect yours. It might comes out as blunt but it's really time you get a discussion about it if it ticks you off. Yes there will be yelling, maybe some tears shed, some anger flowing in the air and words that weren't meant to be said but that's how it happens on the moment. I say this since it rarely hardly ever go quietly, nicely and peacefully but hey, I wish you the best.

A parent will be far more proud and know their child became grown up when they can stand up to them and show some of their personal character even if they don't like it. You're a human, not a puppy rolling for treats and the sooner you make that clear, the better. A parent's job is to support their child through their entire life no matter what they do (in general cases). When you have a children and procreate that's what you signed for. It doesn't end up when he's old enough and it certainly doesn't end up when you stop doing what they want out of you.

I've been there, done that for different reasons but trust me, what you need to tell yourself is that you don't live under your mother's roof but rather coexist with her under the same roof, as it should be. If everyone would coexist together, the world wouldn't be such a dirthole, although we're not doing to bad compared to the past and getting there slowly. You are not being ungrateful for being who you are, you're doing both yourself and your mother a favor by telling her who you are, what you believe into and what you aspire to do in life.

Cenerune

It's not a case of mutual respect. She is the boss of the house and makes the rules. The world would not be a better place if people move in for free in someones house and think they can do as they please. As many have stated, she is doing what she feels best. One day you will understand but with all these posts telling you this, I think it will take you some time.

i suppose its her house and she can do what she like.

dog_dirt

Thats presuming that every parent knows best than their adult offspring in all matters.

Sometimes parents should listen too.

[QUOTE="dog_dirt"]

i suppose its her house and she can do what she like.

Teenaged

Thats presuming that every parent knows best than their adult offspring in all matters.

Sometimes parents should listen too.

That's how it is. You want to make rules where you live....you foot the bill for the home. You want to live off someone else....you deal with their rules.

LJS9502_basic

Umm no? It's not a rule, it's personal beliefs we're talking here. It's not like he refuses to do chores around the house.

@Scream Dream

It's beliefs like I said, not required house rules. Frankly the parent deserve no respect at all if he cannot himself respect his children choices. You are a pretty craptastic and irresponsible parent if you treat your children like a toy and oppress them like a tyrant for your own enjoyment or to achieves your own goals.

We're talking about a mother and her son here, not a freaking hobo or random stranger squatting in her house. If money really is that much of a matter to you between a mother and a children then wow... That's pretty **** up and no I will never understand this mentality of money and personal greed over family. You made the child, you have obligations towards your child and providing it food and shelter in time of need is one of them.

If you really follow this mentality, i'm curious to know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. I know for a fact that my mother and I have a very powerful bond exactly because we both have our own personality, character, beliefs and our disagreements.

Tell her to back the **** off.

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]

[QUOTE="dog_dirt"]

i suppose its her house and she can do what she like.

LJS9502_basic

Thats presuming that every parent knows best than their adult offspring in all matters.

Sometimes parents should listen too.

Just sayin'...

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]

That's how it is. You want to make rules where you live....you foot the bill for the home. You want to live off someone else....you deal with their rules.

Cenerune

Umm no? It's not a rule, it's personal beliefs we're talking here. It's not like he refuses to do chores around the house.

Speakign as an atheist myself, I think you are overdoing it just a tad. So you have a bible on your bedhead, it's just a book. Think of it as Moby Dick or something. It's her house she can do with it what she wants, including your room. Objects hold religious significance for certain people. If you don't believe in it then it shouldn't bother you. You seem to be internally fighting against that which you see as an argument for your own nonbeliefs.

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="Teenaged"]I disagree.

Thats presuming that every parent knows best than their adult offspring in all matters.

Sometimes parents should listen too.

Teenaged

Just sayin'...

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"] No...the adult offspring should move out if he doesn't like the rules in his parents house.LJS9502_basic

Just sayin'...

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]Or perhaps, parent and child should have a relationship that entails mutual respect and discussions being had to solve issues where both listen to what the other has to say, in stead of imposing discipline at the age of 18 with threats.

Just sayin'...

Teenaged

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]

That's how it is. You want to make rules where you live....you foot the bill for the home. You want to live off someone else....you deal with their rules.

Cenerune

Umm no? It's not a rule, it's personal beliefs we're talking here. It's not like he refuses to do chores around the house.

@Scream Dream

It's beliefs like I said, not required house rules. Frankly the parent deserve no respect at all if he cannot himself respect his children choices. You are a pretty craptastic and irresponsible parent if you treat your children like a toy and oppress them like a tyrant for your own enjoyment or to achieves your own goals.

We're talking about a mother and her son here, not a freaking hobo or random stranger squatting in her house. If money really is that much of a matter to you between a mother and a children then wow... That's pretty **** up and no I will never understand this mentality of money and personal greed over family. You made the child, you have obligations towards your child and providing it food and shelter in time of need is one of them.

If you really follow this mentality, i'm curious to know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. I know for a fact that my mother and I have a very powerful bond exactly because we both have our own personality, character, beliefs and our disagreements.

Somebody has to be be in charge in a parents house. It's as simple as that. Yes, she can make a deal but she doesn't have to argue. A parent can give respect if the child wants to try out for the basketball team, etc. I'm not talking about slavery. But if there is a disagreement, it's the parent who should be in charge. That's part of the problem these days with kids being in gangs, no curfew, etc. Some parents don't care. Somebody has to be in charge and it's the parent. When you get a child, I hope you remember some of this. You don't want your child doing as theyplease.

Anything that goes on is that house is under the purview of the owner. If he doesn't like his parents rules....he is free to move. Nothing keeping him there......

LJS9502_basic

And in the end bring what? A broken relationship between him and his mom? If if feel like shaping my kid into a mess I can because it's my house, my rules and if he don't like it, he can gtfo? No, like I said she has obligations towards him as her children, another one of them is to listen to what he has to say and support him in his personal growth. I can't believe how you guys seem to be so disconnected to your parents as if living with them was just a way to save money.

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]What threats? His mom found some religious items in a box and put them out. His mother is under no obligation to provide for him now. He's an adult. He should be glad he has room and board while attending school.

LJS9502_basic

Like I said, depends on what one expects a family to "do". Its a matter of idiosyncary. You are of the idiosyncrasy that a parent can do what the hell they like just because they are providing for the child and I am of the idiosyncrasy that parents need to be taught some things in time and learn to respect their own children.

If you were in his shoes you could just move out; I wouldnt. I would expect what is reasonable. And what is reasonable. For "me" (the TC) to do what is definitely not unreasonable.

Different approaches dont change the critique one can apply to the mother.

[QUOTE="Teenaged"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]What threats? His mom found some religious items in a box and put them out. His mother is under no obligation to provide for him now. He's an adult. He should be glad he has room and board while attending school.

LJS9502_basic

I'm sensing that LJ will kick his kids out of his home unless they listen to The Cure on a daily basis. While they are out of school he wikll sneak in a copy of The Head On The Door into his kids stereo and provide some make up and hair spray on his/her desk and if that stuff is cast aside then that's the last straw.

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="Teenaged"]The TC mentioned something about her threatening to disconnect his PC and what not....

Nifty_Shark

I'm sensing that LJ will kick his kids out of his home unless they listen to The Cure on a daily basis. While they are out of school he wikll sneak in a copy of The Head On The Door into his kids stereo and provide some make up and hair spray on his/her desk and if that stuff is cast aside then that's the last straw.

[QUOTE="Cenerune"]

@ theone86

I couldn't agree more buddy, I though I was insane for a minute seeing all those ''it's her house, her rules'' crap.

LJS9502_basic

Completely not the issue, a room is a personal space for an individual, a sanctuary. If they cannot find another place where they can be comfortable, a room is the one place where they can. If a parent chooses to lettheir adult child stay there for free that's their business, but if they do so they do with the understanding that this is an independent person with independent needs and that they are granting use of that roomto that independent person. If they feel they deserve to be paid for providing that room then that is fine, under the condition that they are not doing so in order to manipulate their child's belief as that's unethical on just about any level I can think of.

That's not the issue, though, the issue is that the mother is intimidated by her son's beliefs, that she feels out of control, so she's doing everything she can think of to re-exert control, and one of the last outlets she has to do so is owning the house. It's just not right or healthy to do so, though, not only is she psychologically torturing her son, she's repressing difficult feelings of her own and throwing off her own mental health. It simply is not a healthy thing to do, any psychiatrist will tell you that on any level trying to barter with people to get them to change is one of the most massive red flags you can set off. The house and his living there is secondary to the issue at hand, that's what's getting lost in all this.

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="Teenaged"]The TC mentioned something about her threatening to disconnect his PC and what not....

Nifty_Shark

I'm sensing that LJ will kick his kids out of his home unless they listen to The Cure on a daily basis. While they are out of school he wikll sneak in a copy of The Head On The Door into his kids stereo and provide some make up and hair spray on his/her desk and if that stuff is cast aside then that's the last straw.

j/k

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]

[QUOTE="Cenerune"]

@ theone86

I couldn't agree more buddy, I though I was insane for a minute seeing all those ''it's her house, her rules'' crap.

theone86

Completely not the issue, a room is a personal space for an individual, a sanctuary. If they cannot find another place where they can be comfortable, a room is the one place where they can. If a parent chooses to lettheir adult child stay there for free that's their business, but if they do so they do with the understanding that this is an independent person with independent needs and that they are granting use of that roomto that independent person. If they feel they deserve to be paid for providing that room then that is fine, under the condition that they are not doing so in order to manipulate their child's belief as that's unethical on just about any level I can think of.

That's not the issue, though, the issue is that the mother is intimidated by her son's beliefs, that she feels out of control, so she's doing everything she can think of to re-exert control, and one of the last outlets she has to do so is owning the house. It's just not right or healthy to do so, though, not only is she psychologically torturing her son, she's repressing difficult feelings of her own and throwing off her own mental health. It simply is not a healthy thing to do, any psychiatrist will tell you that on any level trying to barter with people to get them to change is one of the most massive red flags you can set off. The house and his living there is secondary to the issue at hand, that's what's getting lost in all this.

[QUOTE="Nifty_Shark"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"] Again.....if he doesn't like the living arrangements...he can begin paying for those he likes.Teenaged

I'm sensing that LJ will kick his kids out of his home unless they listen to The Cure on a daily basis. While they are out of school he wikll sneak in a copy of The Head On The Door into his kids stereo and provide some make up and hair spray on his/her desk and if that stuff is cast aside then that's the last straw.

j/k

Actually I'd feel very offended if I had a child that tossed out a Nirvana CD I was trying to force on them. That stuff pretty much is sacred when you've been enjoying the music all your life.

[QUOTE="theone86"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]That's how it is. You want to make rules where you live....you foot the bill for the home. You want to live off someone else....you deal with their rules.

LJS9502_basic

Completely not the issue, a room is a personal space for an individual, a sanctuary. If they cannot find another place where they can be comfortable, a room is the one place where they can. If a parent chooses to lettheir adult child stay there for free that's their business, but if they do so they do with the understanding that this is an independent person with independent needs and that they are granting use of that roomto that independent person. If they feel they deserve to be paid for providing that room then that is fine, under the condition that they are not doing so in order to manipulate their child's belief as that's unethical on just about any level I can think of.

That's not the issue, though, the issue is that the mother is intimidated by her son's beliefs, that she feels out of control, so she's doing everything she can think of to re-exert control, and one of the last outlets she has to do so is owning the house. It's just not right or healthy to do so, though, not only is she psychologically torturing her son, she's repressing difficult feelings of her own and throwing off her own mental health. It simply is not a healthy thing to do, any psychiatrist will tell you that on any level trying to barter with people to get them to change is one of the most massive red flags you can set off. The house and his living there is secondary to the issue at hand, that's what's getting lost in all this.

A. Way to dodge the point that what she's doing is a psychologically unhealthy manner in which to conduct oneself.

B. Believe me, she can be intimidated by them. He's not going to church, that's way more than enough for most parents to be intimidated by. Like I said, many religious people build heir beliefs on a system of communal reinforcement, their natural inclination is to attack any behavior that runs counter to their beliefs, but when it's their own child they're at a loss of what to do. That intimidates them, and they lash out by trying to re-assert control.

C. A room is a personal living space, if they want to grant use of that living space then they are essentially ceding control of the room to the child short of any illegal activity. If they feel they need to charge for that then they are within their rights, but obviously they don't as he had been living there without paying rent presumably under some sort of agreement having to do with school. This is even legally supported, if they threw him out on the street tomorrow he could sue them and win based on a spoken word contract that he was allowed use of the room and was thrown out without given proper time to find other living arrangements. Either he pays for rent because he's an adult, or he doesn't because he's going to school and needs help, his choices of decoration are a completely seperate issue.

Somebody has to be be in charge in a parents house. It's as simple as that. Yes, she can make a deal but she doesn't have to argue. A parent can give respect if the child wants to try out for the basketball team, etc. I'm not talking about slavery. But if there is a disagreement, it's the parent who should be in charge. That's part of the problem these days with kids being in gangs, no curfew, etc. Some parents don't care. Somebody has to be in charge and it's the parent. When you get a child, I hope you remember some of this. You don't want your child doing as theyplease.

ScreamDream

Being in charge = oppressing and forcing you views now? Stop taking things way out of context, like I said over and over it's about personal beliefs here not about a parent laying off a child and letting it do whatever the hell he want with his life whether it's joining a gang, stealing and doing drugs. There's a limit to letting your child do whatever he wants but when it comes to religious beliefs, I think he has a right to express himself don't he?

I hope if you have a child, you understand this. Your just gonna end up breaking the relationship AND the kid himself by forcing your views and opinions upon him. He's 18 btw, I think he's old enough to know what he wants and I really doubt his mother could stop him from being in a gang if he wanted to. You treat this as if it was about a 12 years old kid we're talking about and being way over dramatic in your approach. Protecting your children is different than opressing him, in this case he's being oppressed rather than protected.