Four guys are going along, a guy from Saudi Arabia, a guy from Russia, a guy from North Korea, and a guy from New York City. A reporter comes up and says, "excuse me gentlemen, could I have your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "what's a shortage?" The Russian says, "what's meat?" The North Korean says, "what's an opinion?" And the guy from New York City says, "what does 'excuse me' mean?"
An engineer dies and ends up in Hell. It's pretty miserable down there, so he starts working and soon they have flush toilets and air conditioning and he starts building escalators. One day God calls up Satan and says, "how's it going down there?" Satan says, "not bad. We just got flush toilets and air conditioning and soon we'll have escalators." God says, "you're not supposed tohave any of that stuff down there. How'd you get that?" Satan says, "you sent an engineer down here and he's doing great." God says, "obviously there has been a mistake, you need to send that engineer up here where he belongs." Satan says, "no way. I love having him down here." God says, "if you don't send him up here immediately, I'll sue!" Satan says, "oh yeah, where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Two guys are walking their dogs, one guy has a doberman, the other guy has a chihuahua. The come to a bar and the guy with the doberman says, "gee, I could sure use a beer." The guy with the chihuahua says, "me too, but they won't let us bring our dogs in there." The guy with the doberman says, "just follow my lead." He walks into the bar and the bartender says, "sorry pal, you can't bring that dog in here." The guy says, "this is my seeing-eye dog, and the law says I can bring him in." The bartender says, "I didn't know they were making dobermans into seeing-eye dogs." The guy says, "oh yeah, he's a great seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "OK, whatever." A few minutes later the other guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, "no dogs allowed in here." The guy says, "this is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "since when are they making chihuahuas into seeing-eye dogs?" The guy says, "what? They gave me a chihuahua?!"
A priest, an eye doctor, and an engineer are waiting to play golf. The greenskeeper comes by and they ask why it's taking so long. The greenskeeper says, "the blind firefighters are playing today, so it's going to take a while." They ask who the blind firefighters are so he says, "a year or two ago, our clubhouse caught on fire, and some of the firefighters lost their sight while they were putting out the fire, so we let them play golf whenever they want for free." The priest says, "that's so kind, I'll pray for them." The eye doctor says, "I'll talk to some of my eye doctor friends, maybe there's something we can do for them." The engineer says, "why can't these guys play at night?"
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