I wanted to say one thing- I have always been a shy person, and suffered from some measure of social anxiety. In the last few years, since I came to the U.S., however, it's grown worse. Notably, this has been because of my accent. It's not a thick accent, nor is it a pronounced one. It is just something that I am aware is always there, and it being there means I have to always repeat myself in certain situations. These honest errors I am fine with- indeed, I misunderstand so many accents myself. The problem is I've run into some ugly people who have made fun of me and my accent in the past.
This has, in conjunction with all the other factors that I named above, been debilitating, as you can imagine. It's manifested itself in a lot of ways- I don't talk to people unless I absolutely have to, I hate phone conversations (and Skype even more so), interviews are nerve wracking, social settings lead to visible physiological reactions, making new friends is difficult for me, and so on. More relevant to this site, my gaming experience has also deliberately been curtailed because of this social anxiety- I refuse to voice chat, for example, or indeed, even game online. I dislike dong podcasts as a general rule, or YouTube videos.
However, I have decided that this changes now. Over the last few months, I have steadily been putting myself in increasingly uncomfortable situations where I have to talk to people, and I am realizing that just because I ran into some douchebags who made fun of my accent before, it doesn't mean that everybody is like that. Over the last few months, I have done a podcast, I have managed to game online with not just a voice chat, but a party chat. I even streamed gameplay with commentary. I know none of this sounds like a big deal to most of you- but for me, these are very big steps. I've been exposing one of my biggest insecurities, and hearteningly, I've found that the issue was overblown in my head.
So this is the conclusion I have come to- I will no longer hide myself or my speech or my voice for fear of what someone else might think of the way I say certain words. If there is someone out there who would judge me or ridicule me for how I talk, then that doesn't say anything about me, it says a lot about them and the kind of person they are. In that case, I am not the person who should hide anything, they are. I'm not going to hide. I'm going to put myself out there. There are good people there, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. And for the people who aren't good, who make fun, well, I can safely ignore them and move on with my life.
Sorry that this was so long. It was just something I felt I needed to get off my chest.
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