Even if this does not apply to you today, it may someday, so bear the following in mind as very real and practical information you may need to make decisions in the future. I wrote this because nobody has ever done so before, that I have found, and it is very important.

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Consider carefully before signing up for benefits at a reduced cost when they are offered by and through your employer (e.g. working for Metlife and buying Metlife insurance).

You may be taking on more risk than your realize through your workplace. If you do not already, at some point you will have a job. The first day of work is typically spent filling out paperwork for human resources. This involves selecting a healthcare provider, dental, vision, life insurance, your 401(k), optional coverage, and any other benefits they might have thought up that allows the employer to pay you less cash (remember to ask how much time you have to decide on your benefit elections so that you can seek advice from friends or family if necessary, typically thirty days).

General advice aside, your employer may offer you benefits through affiliates, particularly if you happen to work for a major corporation or financial firm. Often this can translate into reduced prices on company stock, insurance, investment options, or even medical benefits if you happen to work in insurance. In addition to the costs of these benefits, there is a hidden risk.

Not that kind of Risk, let's try to stay on topic here, people!

If something happens to your employer, the financial stress of your termination will be compounded if you have a stake in financial options offered through the firm:

-The most common issue is stock purchases at a reduced price. If the company tanks, it can destroy a retirement portfolio. Bear Stearns (this just happened) and Enron employees know this risk all too well. The moral: emphasize mutual funds in your 401(k) to diversify individual stock risk.
-If you have health benefits through your employer, which also happens to be the insurer, you may have to switch providers during unemployment, possibly to an inferior government plan. For example, working for MetLife and having a MetLife policy, having Metlife liquidate, and being forced to find a new insurer. Unlikely, given their size and affiliated businesses, but possible.
-If your 401(k) is filled with mutual funds that are managed by your employer, you may not be getting the best investment selection or lowest cost. For example, being employed by GE and owning GE Asset Management funds.
-If you work for a bank, having a bank account with the firm. Despite FDIC insurance, it may be risky if the bank goes under and you are terminated.

The list continues. The thrust is that certain benefits equate to putting multiple eggs in one basket, and you should weigh carefully the potential downsides of something happening to their provider particularly if the provider is also your employer. You may pay more for third-party asset management, for example, but the consequences of becoming unemployed and the asset manager losing your assets are at least independent of one another.

You may have noticed a new advertisement here on Gamespot for the site College Humor. A thin young girl in a bra is back to the camera. I am a man, mostly, and I like hot young women but, being the skeptic that I am, I wanted to see who this hot girl was before heading over to College Humor. After some rooting around, I found her.

Click me, big boy.

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A return to some decent writing next week, in the meantime, are you a man or a woman? Vote here!

There is a rule I have used ever since I graduated college, and I think it has served me rather well: Never do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your mother at any time you are not in your own bedroom (but particularly at work).

Of course, when I was at college, this rule was right out. However, once I became a working professional, I found that my personality sometimes came into conflict with my colleagues or my business. Emails sometimes ended up with the wrong connotations, a discussion might have been a bit too casual for a particular situation, and a phone message might have been a bit too familiar. An evening of drinking with the office occasionally resulted in some less than high opinions of yours truly. Let's just say I'm not as well-spoken as I am well-written, particularly after a couple Mai-Tais.

"Don't you 'In a minute, Momma' me!"

Mistakes were and still are made, but the rule has served me well. Those times mistakes have been made were generally when I ignored the rule. I am less aggressive behind the wheel (emphasis on less), I am more polite to friends, family, and strangers, I hold the door, I shake hands, I apologize even when I'm not in the wrong, and I swear a lot less. There is little more embarrassing than having an animated conversation with friends, dropping a casual F-bomb, and realizing that a mother and her child are walking behind you. If this situation doesn't embarrass you, it should.

Of course, if your mom is the type to drop an F-bomb herself, you might want to consider using my mom as a proxy.

Yesterday Eliot Spitzer made a public announcement that he - like 15% of the male population - had paid for sex (source - requires subscription). Spitzer worked for eight years as New York State attorney general and has been governor of New York for about a year. Spitzer is famous for landmark cases protecting investors, consumers, the environment and low-wage workers.

NY Goveror Eliot Spitzer announcing his temporary employment of a prostitute

This author is - sadly - not shocked. Men that spend days at a time away from their families working are prone to weaknesses of the flesh. His brother Daniel Spitzer, a neurosurgeon, said: "If men never succumbed to the attractions of women, then the human species would have died out a long time ago." What does surprise the author is that Spitzer only hired one prostitute on February 13, and paid her $4,300 (partly as a deposit for future trysts), with the New York times pegging the rate at $1,000 per hour (though the ring had prices ranging from $1,000 to $5,500 an hour). For that amount I might consider having sex with Spitzer.

What do you get for $1,000 an hour, let alone $5,500 an hour? For that amount, after we had sex, I would expect her to clean up the apartment or hotel room, then fly back to my home to have sex with my wife, do my tax return, my laundry and take out the garbage. Then she should babysit for awhile. Most medical doctors and lawyers make less than $1,000 an hour, after all, so I'd hope she'd be a registered notary as well, at the least.

An ad for one of the call girls from Spitzer's prostitution ring of choice

Maybe I have it backwards. Maybe she does nothing except what she was hired to do. But in that case, it would only be about five minutes, at least for me. How negotiable is the rate? Would she charge by the minute? The price of $16.67 a minute for a $1,000 an hour prostitute seems much more manageable. Knowing the cost, I bet I could keep it under $40 if I had to, with tip.

A $1,000 an hour prostitute is just impossible for me to imagine, like putting into context 10 million years or twenty billion dollars. It is simply outside the scope of my comprehension.

Where have our role models gone? When the mighty fall, they fall, er, hard.

In response to sabru8's (now old) discussion and link to a certain MSNBC article, I have expanded the criteria to ANY sword, not just video-games. In fact, the list was too big for five, so I expanded it to ten, as well.

10 - Tetsusaiga - The sword of InuYasha from the anime of the same name was made from the fang of a mighty demon, InuYasha's father. The weapon is incredibly lame in its normal state, a rusty old blade. When used to defend humans, however, it expands into a mighty weapon not unfit for certain hentai. Further, a talented wielder can cleave the air itself, creating an impressive "Wind Scar" capable of slaying 100 demons. The sword grows in power with its wielder as well, gaining the ability to turn an opponent's attack back on itself, and amplified. Whoopdy-doo, only InuYasha can really wield the damn thing, and its name is practically un-spellable, so it gets bumped down to the bottom.

(Tie) 9 - Tyrfing - A cursed sword forged by dwarves that required its bearer to kill someone whenever it was drawn, as well as the death of the bearer him/herself. Why a cursed sword? First of all, it was made by dwarves. Dwarves get no respect when it comes to sword making, that honor goes to elves, gods, and the Japanese. So the dwarven folk finally make a sword of incredible power, and it's cursed. The name "Tyrfing" also sounds like onomatopoeia for vomiting. Still, cursed swords are cool in their own way, like black knights and ninjas. Tyrfing is impressive, and anyone can use it, they just happen to get killed by doing so. Plus, there is not one single good picture of it online. As a result, it ties for number nine.

(Tie) 9 - Dragon Sword - The blade of Ryu Hayabusa of Ninja Gaiden was forged from the fang of a dragon, and possesses untold power to destroy demons and annoyingly timed birds (sound familiar?). It is still a pretty obscure sword, but if it was good enough to take out the Dark Sword of Chaos and Jacquio reborn (multiple times), it's good enough to tie for number nine.

8 - The Master Sword - It allowed you to travel through time, and was the only weapon that could kill Ganon. When Link was feeling pretty good - i.e. full on heart containers - the sword could project itself as a condensed, physical light at its enemies. Too bad it could only be handled by an adult - or at least, young adult - Link. And the traveling in time feature? It was only good for one other point in time, and not such a great one. Oh, and apparently it forgot how to shoot blades of light somewhere along the line (glowing does not count), or it might have rated higher.

7 - Green Destiny - In Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the Green Destiny was a sword that could only be wielded by the most skilled swordsman. In the right hands, it could cleave individual hairs, or embarrass an opponent with a cursory slap to the cheek. In the wrong hands it wobbled and became completely unstable. It is flexible, light, and possibly made from a meteorite. Extraterrestrial swords are cool.

6 - Sword of Omens - The sword of the Thundercats was an incredible source of power, granted sight beyond sight, and called other Thundercats to its aid. Best of all, it retracted to a dagger for easy storage, like a giant switchblade! Carrying around a big long sword would have been cumbersome for the nimble Lion-O, after all. Anyway, claw shield scabbard, sword, telescope, and retractable blade make for the Leatherman of weapons.

Arthur pulls the sword from the stone; wait a minute...

5 - Sting - More of a dagger than a sword, the elven blade from the Lord of the Rings glows when orcs are nearby. The sword played a larger part in the novels, but was still key to the survival of our young heroes in the film adaptation. The blade may not have taken down the embodiment of evil, Sauron, but it traveled through four books with the young hobbits, and never broke once. Take that Anduril!

4 - Sword of Power - The power of Grayskull flowed through this mighty sword, taking young Prince Adam from tight, pink-shirted royalty to He-Man, Master of the Universe! No matter the challenge, summoning the power of Grayskull was good enough an answer. Besides, it turned his cowardly tiger into a, uh, brave tiger. With a seat. In any event, it was cool and nostalgic so it gets fourth place.

(Tie) 3 - Masamune - The ultimate sword in the original Final Fantasy, it remained the most powerful sword available in every sequel. The sword was named for Masamune Okazaki, the greatest swordsmith to have ever lived (really) in Japan. Many swords in fiction have been named after Okazaki, therefore Masamune has come to reflect the ultimate sword. Besides, it was pretty cool looking when sported by Sephiroth, despite its comical length. The only sad thing is that you only get to wield it at the very end of the game, so the player only got to use it on a dozen enemies at best, particularly in the original.

(Tie) 3 - Marine Sword - The Marines use their sabers as ceremonial dress swords mostly, which might make them seem kind of lame. You may think, this tied with the Masamune? First, Marine swords are real swords used today that symbolize the Marines themselves. For good or ill, there are real lives behind those swords honoring the bravery and sacrifice of men and women trying to make the world a better place. In fact, the sword alone in Marine advertisements is likely responsible for at least a few hundred recruits, and the Marine saber has probably caused the fewest deaths, being fairly useless in modern warfare. Sure, it would be cooler if the Marines used light sabers, but that will take some time to implement, and a bit of explaining to the U.S. Treasury.

2 - Light Saber - Forget about Star Wars, Darth Vader, Jedi, and Episode II for a moment. Light Sabers are inherently awesome. First, they will never rust, dull, tarnish, or otherwise wear out. Supposedly they run on some sort of fancy crystal that never needs recharging, so a light saber is environmentally-friendly. It would be fantastic for field medics, cauterizing wounds as it cut. It would also make can-opening so much easier. In a pinch, it would be a useful flashlight. Returning to Star Wars, but sans Jedi powers, it makes for a pretty cool duel, too. Unfortunately, the author would almost certainly accidentally turn it on while it was in his pocket, taking care of a certain region that is fairly important, particularly to Dr. Boz (well, sometimes). As a result, it gets demoted from the top spot to number two.

1 - Excalibur - The ultimate blade of legend is believed to be an allegory for the cup of Christ (by some interpretations) and symbolic of eternal life. Excalibur has spawned more stories, tales, and yarns than any other blade ever. According to at least one tale, the sword was lodged in a stone for years and - despite spending ages underwater with some chick - never oxidized or lost its edge. Not only that, its scabbard had its own powers, preventing the wielder from dying no matter how much blood was spilt. Further, the blade may have actually existed, contrary to many of the other blades previously listed. Not being able to die was really the clincher, propelling Excalibur to numero uno.

Would you buy "special edition" content on its own for the same price?

Grand Theft Auto IV is set to be released soon, and will undoubtedly be an entertaining thrill-ride of mayhem and destruction that will have Jack Thompson chomping at his bit. The game cost $59.99 on Amazon at the time of this publication; the special edition cost $89.99, an increase of 50%! For the additional outlay the gamer gets:
- A "customized" GTA metal safety deposit box (bank not included)
- A GTA IV art book
- The soundtrack
- Rockstar keychain to get into the safety deposit box
- Rockstar duffle bag
Rockstar is a fantastic game production firm, but there is no chance of this individual spending $30 for the aforementioned items. Art books and CDs are nice, but he would rather spend it on another game at that cost, diapers, an evening at the movies (with popcorn, Goobers, and a soft drink), or beer (preferably Harpoon IPA).

GTA 4 and Special Edition "goodies"

When was the last time the special edition of a game actually added value of substance to the game itself? Today every game seems to have a special edition upon release, and gamers are willingly being turned upside down for their pocket change, victims of the marketing machine. How does a decapitated head of Master Chief add to my gaming experience? What about the miniature Big Daddy included with the special edition of Bioshock? Or the tin case and extra character skin for Unreal Tournament III? How many art books would gamers buy if they were only available separately at the same price? The worst part about it all is how eager gamers are for shiny thermoformed figurines that they will generally end up tossing after a few weeks.

This author, for one, throws away most of the contents included with his games. The instruction manual is almost always available as a PDF online, if there is not already a tutorial built into the game. The retail box itself is just so much more clutter. If someone wants to view art from the game, almost every conceptual sketch is made available on the internet in one form or another. Rare is the player that might actively frame and hang an art book image on their wall, one of the only real reasons for buying an art book.

Special editions are designed to squeeze extra margin out of game sales. The average game costs consumers about $50 when it is released, but the special edition costs $60 or more, an increase of at least twenty percent. Is there ever twenty percent more game? Or does the special edition ever offer twenty percent more game time? Sometimes, but rarely.

Gamers should expect more for their dollar from special editions than molded plastic and a metal box. At least the special edition of a movie includes footage that adds to the film experience (sometimes, anyway), such as the additional scenes included in The Lord of the Rings and Terminator 2: Special Edition. Further, including peripherals necessary for the full enjoyment of the game does not make an edition special, it makes it playable (ahem, Rock Band).

Not the kind of helmet I wanted

Special edition games typically make little sense unless they are released after the original game when the publisher can include patches, additional content, level designers and other modding tools, and then even the frills such as behind-the-scenes footage and assorted tchotchkes.

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The author is referring to special editions that are released at the same time as the original title, not re-releases of old titles for new systems or similar situations.

Part II of II. Part I can be found here.

Geeks seem to have an unnatural affinity for unusual hairstyIes. Sometimes they believe it is something that defines who they are, that they are making a social statement, or that by sporting a ponytail they're telling other people that they don't care what others think. But the geeks have it wrong. Hair does not define who we are, but it does determine the way we are perceived and therefore how others treat us until they get to know us. First impressions are the most important impressions, and are difficult to change. Expand not just your dating pool, but your job pool by checking your premises. Just how important is that handlebar moustache to you, anyhow?

Dome Hair
If you have long hair, are over the age of 18, and are not either in a rock band or working in an Apple store, you might want to consider remodeling your cranium. Certainly there is a select group of women (and men) that are attracted to men with long hair. There are even a few men with long hair that are attractive (the members of Whitesnake, for example). However, whereas someone might hold long hair against a man for purposes of love, business, or both, nobody is going to hold short hair against them.

Most men might consider more Clark Gable and less Vivien Leigh

But how long is too long? When someone mistakes you for a woman from behind - even jokingly - it is probably time to cut your hair. Pick up the latest issue of Esquire or GQ, flip to any page with a man on it, and get that Def Leppard tribute band do snipped to a mop top, crew cut, or even a Lex Luthor Bic job. Jason Statham, Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, Justin Timberlake, and the male cast of Prison Break are doing something right, after all.

While length is a simple and quick fix for many a geek, styling is another issue. StyIes change frequently, but people do not. It is best not to become overly comfortable with a particular look because you do not want to be sporting a mohawk when everyone else is spiking. If you get a haircut once a month, allow the barber or hair designer to do the part of their job they enjoy most: styling. You may find you prefer their work to your own but if not, the only downside is a trip to the shower to reset your coiffure. Changing your hairstyIe is an extremely small risk, after all.

To add, if you have a mullet, please stop reading, commenting, or otherwise tainting this article with your presence.

Facial Hair
Facial hair must be held in check by proper grooming and hygiene. The problem with most geeks and facial hair is an inability to care for it properly, a mis-perception of how it appears to others, or (again) the naivete that they should be able to dress and groom regardless of what society thinks. Mostly it's just grooming, though. Either the facial hair gets unruly, expands beyond a controlled space, or becomes one with the hair on the penthouse, otherwise known as "Cousin It Syndrome." You might think it is cool or unique, but everyone else thinks your face looks like a hairy crotch on top of your neck.

Sans beard and a new haircut, this gentleman might be quite a looker

In these situations it is best to fall back on the "hot guy" rule: poll a couple friends on hot guys with facial hair of the desired styIe and cut and maintain to match. Once you have found a facial hair styIe that works for you it must be trimmed at least half as often as you would shave. If you would normally shave every other day, at a minimum every four days you should trim your facial hair and shave the areas you want to remain bare. If you would normally shave every day, then every other day should work for most people. The goal is to keep it short, uniform, and clean.

Short, clean, and neat facial hair (if a bit piratey); avast!

As for five o'clock shadow: it's hot, sometimes. Most women polled by the author preferred a short, rough five o'clock shadow on men because it looks more masculine, rugged, and strong. Think dirty mechanic, sweaty cowboy, or tired action hero. The drawback is that five o'clock shadow only works infrequently, meaning you must remain clean shaven most of the time for five o'clock shadow to be attractive some of the time. Otherwise you just end up looking dirty, lazy, unkempt, or all of the above.

Hot guys that have or who have had facial hair that worked include Brad Pitt (at his hottest, it might be said), Justin Timberlake, Sean Combs (Puff Daddy), Johnny Depp, and Chris Regan.

Additional notes on sideburns, the goatee, the Fu Manchu, and the GoFu follow: Long sideburns only work on men between the ages of 21 and 25 who are out-of-work artists, and then only for one night. The goatee is not facial hair that wraps from the lips around to the chin, as is popularly believed. A goatee alone is chin-hair, and looks ridiculous. The wraparound hair mentioned is technically a GoFu, a hybrid of the goatee and Fu Manchu where moustache meets goatee. This is the popular look sported by the aforementioned celebrity examples. The Fu Manchu alone looks like Lo Pan from "Big Trouble in Little China" or Earl Hickey from television's "My Name is Earl," neither of which is good.

The Mustache
No. Just no. Are you Burt Reynolds? Billie Dee Williams? A State trooper? Tom Selleck? Mario? No, you are not, and neither is this 1979. Though Esquire is an excellent resource for styIe guides, they certainly got it wrong when they recently endorsed the mustache. Having a moustache does not make you a rebel, unique, or artsy cool. A moustache makes you look like you have a dead animal on your lip. Even if it looks good on some people, it does not look good on geeks.

The Beard
College professors, cavemen, homeless people, and ZZ Top have beards, hot young single men do not. There is a good reason Charlton Heston cut his beard the first chance he got in the original Planet of the Apes: it adds ten years. If you have a beard, trim it way, way back to a GoFu or shave it entirely. A beard does not give you character, it makes you a character. Unless you are Amish or a hasidic Jew, in which case a beard is perfectly acceptable, cut the beard. It is with firm conviction this author believes young men to look their best sans beard. Then again, if you have managed to wrangle one of the minority of women that prefer this styIe of facial hair, kudos to you, and rock on.

Antonio Benderas, with and without the beard

What we have learned

1 - Short or medium length cuts are hot
2 - Clean shaven or barely-there scruff is hot
3 - Bare chests are hot (as are rippling pecs and biceps)

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All images in the entry were taken from public web spaces and were used without the permission of the original photographer. If any of the geeks portrayed herein would like their image removed, please contact the author via private message.

I wonder how often the best day of anyone's life occurs immediately following their worst.

FRIDAY

When your spouse is in the hospital life is anything but typical. When you are expecting triplets, every moment is extraordinary. Dr. Boz was under observation for signs of pre-eclampsia, and I had gone to visit her on Friday.

10:00PM - Dr. Boz is checked by her attending nurse, and her vitals are good. Her blood pressure is good if bit above her average, steady for the past several weeks around 130/80. The nurse checks the heart rate of our three babies, and all three rates are steady and strong as well. With everything looking pretty good, the nurse departs. My wife is being a bit emotional, so I decide to stay the night to support her and just be there for her if she needs some water or anything. Dr. Boz is acting a bit strange, not abl to figure out where to write down the volume of her urine flow on the chart and putting her toilet paper in the sink instead of the toilet, but we chalk it up to over-exhaustion and head to bed.

11:10PM - I wake up to an unnatural sound that could only be described as a huffing, burbling noise. When I put on my glasses and look at the source of the noise, I am shocked to see that it is my wife, convulsing and shaking her head slightly, drooling on her pillow. She responds to my voice, but it's readily apparent she has no idea who I am and is unable to focus on me. In less than five seconds from assessing the situation I have a nurse from next door. What happens next is a blur, as she somehow summons a legion of nurses and aids to the room. Dr. Boz is having a seizure of which, like multiple pregnancies and thyroid cancer, her family has no history. But the fact that it had never happened before was little comfort, because there she was now, unable to tell me from the nurse, and convulsing rapidly. The staff is nothing short of exceptional, telling me that things are under control, asking short, informative questions to determine what is happening. A quick blood pressure check, and it seems she is having a sudden onset of eclampsia, potentially deadly. If I had not decided to spend the night on a whim, it was entirely possible things would have gone comprehensively wrong.

SATURDAY

12:00AM - Things do not go wrong. Dr. Boz has stabilized from the quick administration of magnesium, among other drugs to control high blood pressure. She is lucid, but remembers nothing from the seizure. Watching her go from out-of-control to her normal (though panicked) self was at once calming and cripplingly frightening, particularly when she did not know who I was, that she was pregnant, or in the hospital as she transitioned back to rational thought. But transition she did, and now she and I are talking calmly to one another. The staff has informed us that they will shortly be changing the status of our unborn from fetuses to infants. We are quickly moved from the prenatal arena to the labor/delivery floor. Dr. Boz is panicked, I am nervous, though oddly almost completely relieved. As I console my wife and try my best to assuage her fears, she is asked to sign paperwork for anesthesia and the surgery itself. Not entirely lucid, panicked, and pressured, I wonder if any of the paperwork even matters having been signed under distress. A moment later I wonder why I was worrying about legalities and not my wife and possible future children.

Bozanimal pretends to be Dr. Boz

1:30AM - Dr. Boz has resigned herself to the inevitable, and places her faith in one of the best hospitals in the country, if not the world. I am asked to wait outside the operating room as she is prepped for surgery and the staff is brought in; three babies require a huge team to operate, deliver, check and monitor the infants, assuming they are delivered safely. Dr. Boz is wheeled through double-doors that creepily resemble those on television and film, and I cross my fingers that nothing worthy of television or film occurs unless it qualified as a comedy.

The world's longest 30 foot hallway

2:00AM - A few doctors, residents, and assorted staff members I vaguely recognize enter the hallway and put on scrubs similar to the ones I put on in the labor and delivery room (separate from the operating room for Cesareans). I am told it will be a while before I am allowed to enter, but will be able to be there for the births. Nervously, I hop in an abandoned wheelchair nearby and roll around. One of the surgeons asks me with a hint of fear and anger if I am handicapped, to which I reply, "No." and promptly discontinue my nervous wheelies. I am welcomed into the operating room shortly thereafter to a cramped room of about sixteen to eighteen assorted members, the operating table, my wife, three incubators, and a whole lot of tubes and instruments. I am instructed to sit by my wife who is awake and lucid, looks at me for reassurance, and I smile, squeeze her hand, and tell her how excited I am. I leave out the parts about how nervous and ill I feel inside, and keep up her spirits. She smiles, I smile, the anesthesiologists smile, and they begin to cut.

2:30AM - In the course of five minutes all three babies are removed from my wife. I grab pictures of each with my camera phone, the only cameras I am in possession of, having gone directly to the hospital from work. Each baby lets out little cries that can only be described as the most heart-wrenching, beautiful thing you could ever hear. Thirty-one weeks after conception, all three fetuses have become infants, are out in the real world, and appear to be in good shape. My wife is splayed on the table, unable to move or see her children, but I am allowed to go to the incubators where they are being inspected and take some quick snapshots. While I am able to see and touch each of them briefly, Dr. Boz gets only a passing glance at the last child before the surgeons begin the hour-long process of closing. I watch every stitch with an iron stomach, reassured by the obvious skill and dexterity of the doctor and support staff despite the early hour.

6:00AM - I have no idea what happened between the time they closed my wife and now. I am somehow teleported into the Au Bon Pan, a cafe in the entryway of the hospital. My wife and all three infants are stable and doing well. I begin to call the parents of both Dr. Boz and myself, and remember how lucky I am to have married into a family I loved as much as my own. A few hours later I am in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) looking at the children - my children - who will spend at least the next four weeks being monitored closely. I am allowed to touch them as long as I have washed my hands and/or used Purell, and place my pinky finger inside the pam of my littlest boy. He grips my finger from the front knuckle forward. I never cry, but in the center of my chest I secretly flush with adoration and appreciation for just how lucky I am, and lament that my wife was unable to be by my side as she recovers.

Saturday Afternoon, Time Unknown - Dr. Boz is brought into the NICU in her hospital bed, the only means of transporting her as she is still recovering from surgery. She is allowed to stay only briefly, and sobs quietly at how surreal the whole experience has become. I continue to comfort her, hold her hand, and inspect each of my children, who are all doing well despite the many monitors and controls attached to them. They are all beautiful, and I realize that all the warnings given to me from so many parents, all the, "Just you waits" and, "Good luck with thats!" were so much bull. This was the most amazing place to be on earth, and I was at its center.

Girl, Boy, and Boy

Pre-eclampsia is a particularly risky condition that can affect pregnant women. Its cause is unknown, and requires immediate delivery in order to prevent progression (which can lead to death is left unchecked). Some of the signs include increased blood pressure, high levels of protein in the urine, persistent headaches, blurry vision, and other issues.

Dr. Boz had high levels of protein and sporadically high blood pressure, but was released from the hospital on Sunday after spending the night being monitored. Yesterday morning she was readmitted due to high blood pressure again.

All three fetuses are fine, though. In fact, you can hear them in her first and second trips into the labor triage unit at Brigham & Women's (a hospital in Boston I cannot recommend enough). Two short videos follow, one from late January and another from last week.

[video=KyNikDr45bwLvDPb] [video=dyRmwTb45bwLvDPa]

You'll have to turn up the volume to hear the heartbeats.

The normal heart rate of a 20 something adult is in the 90 to 100 bpm (beats per minute) range. The normal heart rate of the unborn is between 120 and 140 bpm. Someday knowing this will calm you, when you're sitting in the labor room watching the fetal heart monitor.

Bozanimal has not been on vacation, though it might seem that way.

Boz at South Beach

For the past several weeks, he has spoken at a conference, carried anything over 15lbs, driven to the Hospital twice, been to the hospital five times, completed several major projects at the office, cooked dinners, cleaned the house, and done pretty much everything at work and home as his wife is multi-gestating on the bed or couch (as she should be).

Dr. Boz at the Hospital

Some intense pain in the groin caused the first trip to the hospital. Unmentioned in the pregnancy books is a condition called Pubic Symphysis, which, in layman's terms, means that there can be pain for women as pressure is placed on cartilidge in the pubic region. The condition is fairly common, and the babies are not at risk.

Dr. Boz at the Hospital, Again

A little over a week later, now into about the thirtieth week of pregnancy, it appeared that Dr. Boz had elevated blood pressure and high levels of protein in her urine. These can be indicators of Pre-eclampsia, a potentially dangerous condition for both mother and fetuses. Suffice to say: back to the hospital. However, all three of the unborn were moving around - a lot - and appeared healthy, with solid, steady heart rates in the normal range.

Now the Boz family has moved to a stage where the good Doctor has difficulty moving around, and needs quite a bit of help physically and emotionally. Both families have pitched in, and the support has been tremendous. The Boz home is overflowing with baby strollers, holders, transportation, diapers, clothing, and all sorts of toys.

Ah, Business Conferences

This author should like to return to normal blogging and commenting within the blogs of other users, but it may be several months before any sort of normality ensues. The administration apologizes for this period of transition.