For those readers that might be unaware, this author is fathering triplets, due March, via Dr. Boz. Bozanimal has three car seats, three high chairs, hundreds of diapers, and all sorts of "layette" (a pretentious word meaning baby stuff). This was completely unexpected, as the pregnancy was spontaneous, meaning without any fertility drugs or treatments. In fact, it happened in the first month of trying (that was a great month). As he thought back to how it was possible that his wife - with no history of twins, let along multiples - might have come into this situation, several explanations became possible:

Incredi-Sperm - Alas, though the author would like to believe himself more virile than the average member of the species, multiple births have nothing to do with the father, at least in fraternal sets. The mother releases multiple eggs, which are then fertilized, making it entirely her fault.

Offended the Lord - It is possible that some action or inaction has brought the scorn of the Almighty. Certainly one might look at the situation as a miracle and a blessing, but he or she would only be kidding themselves. God is angry with us, and we do not know why.

Lived Under Power Lines - Dr. Boz lived underneath powerlines as a child. Somehow the high voltage energy crackling over her head on a daily basis exuded a power over her womb unrivaled by peers. This is unlikely, as most of the theories concerning high voltage lines near residences have been debunked, much like how Gamma Radiation and the the X-Gene do not provide superhuman abilities.

Pheromones of Power - Dr. Boz has a personal theory that the author exudes a powerful pheromone that causes enhanced ovulation. He has done nothing to dissuade a theory that says, "Boz emanates a powerful chemical that attracts women and makes them fertile." In fact, he is inclined to believe the former of the theory without argument.

Desecrated the Fertility Goddess - Alas, all of the above theories are all well and good, but it was the desecration of an icon of the Fertility Goddess that brought her wrath. Several years ago Bozanimal and his wife purchased a fertility Goddess for her brother, who was trying to get his own wife pregnant. The following year the Goddess was regifted, but modified with a set of lights. The process of modifying and regifting the Goddess continued until the most recent year, when the brother made the Goddess mobile. You will likely agree that her desecration brought her scorn when you view the results:

The Modified Goddess of Fertility

I am a liar, a nasty, nasty lying hypocrite of a gamer.

I love World of Warcraft. I love it.

I was thinking how much I wanted to nail Chok'sul, that fat Ogre that has been harassing my Dwarven brethren, at one of the baby showers held on the behalf of my future children here in reality. Chok'sul was the furthest I had gone in my questline as a level 18 Dwarf Hunter before my trial account expired. My real unborn spawn have little to fear nestled in the womb of Dr. Boz, but the residents of Thelsamar live in constant dread of the Ogre menace!

Bozanimal contemplates his future

One of my brother-in-laws (and I use the term "in-law" for reader benefit rather than my own, as I think of both as my own brothers) has subscribed me to World of Warcraft as my baby shower gift in perpetuity. With pricing out of the way, I have thrown caution to the wind, devoting an hour, give or take, each night to saving and slaying the residents of Azeroth. The best part is I can now spend more time with my real brothers by spending time with them virtually. I love those guys.

The primary concern is that World of Warcraft is so much fun and such a huge time-suck that I will miss out on sleep and family. Luckily, game publisher Blizzard has already addressed this concern with Parental Controls. I will be imposing strict limits and windows to my play time so that I can tend to things like eating, sleep, and my family.

---

If you would like to visit or speak to Bozanimal in-game, you can find him on the Scarlet Crusade server as a Dwarf Hunter of the Alliance. Sometimes you might even catch his Horde counterpart, the shifty Troll Rogue "Bozrath" at odd times.

That's right, I managed to escape.

World of Warcraft was incredibly fun, drawing me into its massive, detailed fantasy world, and even made me think about it when I was not playing, a rarity considering my busy schedule. It left such an impression I wrote a review for the game (feel free to vote for it!). I would go so far as to say that World of Warcraft is a requisite experience for any role-playing gamer, even if they end up not liking it for one reason or another; ten million active players worldwide attest to that appeal.

A Dwarf Hunter with pet Bear

Regrets
If there is one thing I regret it is that I was unable to play World of Warcraft with my brother-in-law and adopted brother-in-law. Both have Level 70 characters that they play in a guild, doing instances and raids, and my character was just too low level to really participate with them in anything of value. I did get to talk to both of them, which I rarely do in real life, which was great. I was able to hook up with Allicrombie briefly one evening for some shared questing and chit-chat, which was fun. I had meant to meet up with several other Gamespot users, but we never intersected for one reason or another. I regret that I am unable to go back in and play with friends. That being said, I enjoyed myself most when I was soloing (questing by myself), mostly because it seemed every time I hooked up with another player they antagonized too many enemies at one time, resulting in my death.

In the end, I would keep playing if not for the high cost in both time and money.

Time
World of Warcraft is a huge time suck. The irony is that you pay for time to play, so not playing feels like a waste of money. You are in effect incenting yourself to play by paying for your subscription.

You can just hang around outside in the sun all day tossing a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do something that matters!

Payment aside, I want to play all the time. There is such a huge world to explore and so many things to do that I am eager to get back in and continue leveling up, acquiring new gear, and visiting new people and places. The problem is that I would play for just a few minutes beyond the time I wanted to stop, then a few minutes more until it spiraled into a couple hours of lost sleep, something an employed professional cannot afford. This means only that the game it too fun, which is a bit ironic, no?

Pricing
I have a problem with their pricing structure. Assuming the cost of $15 USD (U.S. Dollars) translates internationally, Blizzard is taking $150M in subscription fees per month, plus about $50 per player in initial costs/income - depending on how you look at it - to purchase the game itself (which cannot be translated, because we would have to know how many people have ever purchased the game, not just current players), a single subscription equates to 600 diapers or 22 cans of infant formula over the course of a year. It's also about the same as a Netflix subscription, or going to the movies and ordering a popcorn once a month.

The Valley of Kings

The argument is that these fees pay for maintenance and ongoing development, such as new content and balance adjustments issued in patches. There are at least 223 servers for World of Warcraft that are used and maintained in perpetuity. While there are costs to operating, maintaining, and troubleshooting servers, there is no way it could begin to approach the $150M level of income Blizzard generates from subscriptions every month. Further, additional content from patches and expansions is primarily targeted at the level 70 users (the current leveling cap). It makes sense for Blizzard to focus on these hardcore players because they comprise the base of suscription revenues, but the high subscription revenues and lack of updated content for lower- and mid-level users diminishes the appeal of paying.

In addition, I lack the time to take advantage of that $15 subscription. As it is, every minute I am not playing I am wasting money. Every minute of the month you do not play your cost per minute goes up. Assume there are 744 hours in a month, that would be $0.02 per hour of gameplay if I played nonstop. If I play one hour per day for 31 days, my cost rises to $0.48 per hour. Certainly it beats playing in the arcade any day of the week, but if Blizzard offered a pay as you go system with rollover minutes, much like a cell phone service or even a parking meter, at least I am paying for my actual play time.

I would rather pay $50 for a game or game collection like the Command and Conquer Saga that I will play for the next six months to a year (or longer) than subscribe to a service. If I play the Command & Conquer saga for the next six months nonstop, it would be $0.01 per hour, half the cost of World of Warcraft. I get unlimited playtime for a single price, and I typically go through games slower than other gamers due to other commitments that occupy my time.

The ogres of the Mo'Grosh Stronghold will have to wait

The Refund Anticipation Loan is a financial service designed to skim additional money off tax returns by appealing to the desire for instant gratification.

H&R Block - Receive up to the amount of your anticipated federal tax refund (minus bank and H&R Block fees) or a loan check on the spot after filing your (federal tax) return. Plus, your H&R Block tax preparation fees are paid out of the loan, so you pay nothing out-of-pocket.

Jackson Hewitt Definition - A Refund Anticipation Loans is a loan that is made available to qualified customers by a bank based upon several criteria, including the customer's anticipated tax refund. When you choose the Refund Anticipation Loan and are approved, there will be no out-of-pocket payment required because all fees will be withheld from the loan amount. The Refund Anticipation Loan is paid back with your refund.

What's wrong with it?
Nothing; these firms are offering a basic loan against an expected tax return. In a pinch, the loan might help pay overdue credit card bills or medical costs. But these loans are prohibitively expensive, and take advantage of those people who can least afford it. The cost comes out of the loan itself and offers instant payment, so many people take the loan because they want the money immediately. There are also many, many things that can go wrong and cost the taxpayer more money.

Some firms even combine the tax refund with a credit card, such as H&R Block. In many cases, a low-income individual uses the credit card to pay off interest on another credit card, loan, or bill, goes over the amount of the refund loan or cannot pay the new outstanding balance, and the cycle begins all over again.

Think about it this way: if you or another borrower had to pay the cost of the loan out-of-pocket rather than from the loan itself, would you take it? While people are responsible for managing their own finances, creative lending methods such as the Refund Anticipation Loan exploit the ignorant and uneducated for money they need.

General Tax Advice
Use family friends or a computerized tax program like Turbotax or even Taxcut (although Taxcut is affiliated with H&R Block, and will try to sell you on products during the course of the program). Tax preparers are only necessary for people with complicated returns, high income, or unique situations, such as a large inheritance or winning the lottery. If you work a regular job and have basic savings like a 401(k) and/or Roth IRA, you should skip the chain tax preparation offices. Tax software is simple and straightforward, and you'll save a lot more money.

Crazy scam letter definitely worth a read

I have been using the internet since the inception of Prodigy (1990), and have had the same hotmail account since 1996. I have received plenty of junk mail, but most of it was either spoofs (such as EBay spoofs), forwarded viruses from existing contacts, or regular and irregular porn (and not always the ones to which I subscribed). I have been wondering when I would finally get a 419 scam (info here). Today was that day and it came not to my Hotmail, Gmail, or Yahoo! accounts (yes, I have all three), but to my work address. Upon reading, I was saddened to think that many people are actually duped by these con-artists.

The following is the content of that email reprinted in full for your entertainment. Only one modification was made; where "Bozanimal" is shown in the following text my real last name appeared. Enjoy!

Dear Bozanimal,

I will like to solicit your help in a business proposition, which is by nature very confidential and a Top Secret. I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one worried and apprehensive but I am assuring you not to worry, as all will be well at the end of this endeavor.

I am Mr. Jones Green, Client Service Manager of Capital Trust Bank Lagos Nigeria, My partners and I have decided to seek your help in transfer of some amount of money requiring maximum confidence from my bank. A foreigner, Late Dr. Edward Bozanimal, who was an oil merchant and contractor was our customer here at Capital Trust Bank and had a balance of US$32 million which the bank now expects his next of kin to claim as the beneficiary .

So far, valuable efforts has been made to get to his people but to no avail, as he had no known relatives more because he left his next of kin column in his account opening forms blank and he has no known relatives . Due to this development our management and the board of directors are making arrangements for the funds to be declared unclaimed ,returned to Nigeria being the point of origin and subsequently paid into the federal government purse. Usually, funds of this nature end up in the greedy pockets of some politicians due to our corrupt society.

To avert this negative development my colleagues and I have decided to look for a reputable person to act as the next of kin to late Dr. Bozanimal, so that the funds could be processed and released into his account, which is where you come in. We shall make arrangement with a qualified and reliable attorney that will represent you in liaising with my bank for inconveniency of you coming to my country.

All legal documents to aid your claim for this fund and to prove your relationship with the deceased will be provided by us. Your help will be appreciated with 20% of the total sum (US$6,400,000). Please accept my apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this letter if you do not appreciate this proposition I have offered you. Thank you very much for your time.

I wait anxiously for your response.

Get back to me through this email, jgreenz6@yahoo.com

Yours faithfully,
Jones Green

Apparently, I was rejected by 31160618. After spending four days in an undisclosed location, I awoke in my own bed next to my wife. I was still in my pajamas, but showered and clean after my ordeal, which was tracked publicly by 31160618 (here and here).

I told my wife what happened and she got really upset, calling me a liar, amongst other things. Apparently she had a note that was written and signed by me in my handwriting saying I would be gone on business for a few days. She's pretty mad that I did not contact her, and every time I mention what happened she accuses me of cheating on her.

When I called the police they basically told me I was crazy. Even when I insisted on them sending a car so I could speak with an officer, but the policewoman just nodded her head and took some notes. "We'll look into it," she said. What a load of crap.

You believe me though, right Gamespotters? You believe me that 31160618 isn't just some guy, it's an intelligence, something out of Ghost In The Shell or The Matrix. Sure, it is possible I was just kidnapped by some crazy cult, but it looks like nobody is going to do anything about it, either way. Even the Gamespot moderators laughed at me when I submitted the entries in 31160618's blog for moderation. Kidnapping and imprisonment aren't covered by the Gamespot Terms of Service. Besides, I can't prove anything.

I'm letting it go. Back to real life. Back to taking care of my wife, who's still ticked off at me. Thank God she's having my kids soon, or she not have even taken me back.

All this, and I didn't even do anything.

Part I of II

From bottom to top, this author explores the disturbingly hairy male form in a two-part Geek to Chic in-depth entry.

Toe Hair
Your toes do not require any maintenance beyond toenail clipping unless the hair has grown to Hobbit-proportions. Some hair on the toes will not affect your perception by the opposite (or same) sex as attractive or not unless they bear some inner foot fetish.

Leg and Arm Hair
Women shave their legs and sometimes their arms, but this is not an issue for men. Male swimmers shave to improve their movement through the water and reduce weight, and bodybuilders shave to improve the appearance of their physique. Most men, however, can ignore their arms and legs almost entirely, a fringe benefit native to our sex, at least in modern Western culture. No manly man should ever shave their armpits.

Special Special Hair
This author does indeed refer to the hair down there. Women have been getting it styIed regularly in bikini shapes, runways, and completely removed for at least a decade. Men, you must take charge of the area. You are your own master. You must handle the situation.

Whose lawn would you rather mow?

However, recognize that you are a geek. Getting someone down there is a major task in and of itself, but if you do finally reach this most noble of goals, you certainly do not want to offend. If you have an Amazonian jungle of hair in your personal mangrove, trim it to a reasonable length. Use a trimmer or scissors. Do not go too short or shave entirely, what works for porn stars does not work for you. Keep it manly but reasonable (think knuckle-length), wash, and use a little baby powder or Gold Bond to keep the region fresh. It is the least you can do.

Chest and Back Hair
No surprises here: chest and back hair is uniformly unattractive. You and a minority of the opposite sex might find it to be manly, but the vast majority of ladies (and even men) are going to look at you like you are Austin Powers. Never has there been a steamy scene on film or in concert where a topless man had a hairy chest (the author concedes that James Bond might have pulled it off once or twice, but you are no 007). Get your back and/or chest shaved, waxed, or have it permanently removed by a dermatologist (not a clinic). If you think this is asking too much, consider what society demands of the fairer sex: shaved or waxed armpits and legs, trimming (at minimum) of the nether region, and all sorts of other hygienic nightmares. Wax it and think pleasant thoughts of blissful, blissful sex.

If you were a woman, or a man who prefers men, which would you desire?

-------------

All images in the entry were taken from public web spaces and were used without the permission of the original photographer. If any of the geeks portrayed herein would like their image removed, please contact the author via private message.

I never make it to community game night, but was pretty excited I had learned of the Unreal Tournament 3 game night tonight. Alas, it was not meant to be! Connection problems and a chat closed to Registered User ranked GS members ultimately led to an empty server (eventually found the server with the help of another user).

Unable to connect to the given IP address

A sad, sad empty server

I am hopeful Gamespot will try again next week, as I rarely have time to game, and will have even less time when my babies are born in March!

:cry: :cry: :cry:

There is a list that exists between every couple. This list is compiled, edited, and debated continuously. The list I refer to is The Celebrity Exemption List, the list of celebrities with whom cheating is allowed should the opportunity arise.

Don't act like you don't have one, you do. You're only fooling youself to claim otherwise. Every human being on the planet knows at least a few celebrities, and we would sleep with most of them if they let us.

This list is constantly changing, of course; it has to. Whereas Britney Spears might have appeared near the top of that list in 1999, today she barely registers a blip on the radar against that pimply girl you knew back in Junior High. Spears' sister managed to completely avoid the list before she could even become a candidate (a legal one, anyway). Brad Pitt was pretty smokin' in Fight Club, but today...oh heck he's still hot, the punk. Even Jennifer Aniston is getting on in years, sad as the fact may be, so you can understand why the list requires constant maintenance and retooling. We age, but our dreams do not.

Thankfully, there are a number of semi-fictitous encounters I am granted. My list currently stands at a mere two women: Scarlett Johannsen and Natalie Portman. Both ladies are intelligent and sexy, and I require both. I do not require both women, though that would be great, but rather women on my list must be both intelligent and sexy. If you're getting permission, you might as well shoot for the moon, after all.

Hello, ladies, my name is Boz. No, no, my wife is totally cool with it. No really. Hey, where are you going?

As it stands I have been barred from considering either Keira Knightley or Drew Barrymore. The former annoys the heck out of my wife due to her jutting chin when she talks (keep an eye out and you'll see it) and lack of bosom. As a general rule, I am not allowed to consider anyone with a cup size below that of my wife. The latter I would never consider anyway due to Barrymore's incessent whining.

My wife would actually allow me to maintain a larger list (she is very understanding), adding someone like Angelina Jolie, but I have problems with seemingly every major actress and songstress outside the two currently on my list. Jolie, for example, was with Billy Bob Thornton. Ugh, Thornton. In the highly, highly unlikely event of my unholy union with Jolie, the whole time all I would be able to picture and hear would be Billy Bob reciting one of his lines from Armageddon, "You drill the hole, drop the nuke, and you leave."

Happy Festivus!