I'm back from vacation. Upon reflection, I have come to realize that, unlike when I was 10, I cannot learn a new skill in one day. It took one day to learn to ride a bike. It took one day to learn to stay upright on a skateboard. It took one day to learn the basics of driving. Now that I am out of my teens, I find it harder to learn skills requiring hand-eye coordination and balance.

Certainly you can fake skill for a short period of time.

But it does not take long...

...to realize you look more like a dancer than a skimboarder.

A great vacation in York, Maine this past week yielded many humiliating pictures, but these were the most entertaining by far. Skimboarding is fun, but plan on a few bruises and scraped knees while learning the basics. Also, it is possible to be further humiliated by a wife who picks it up more quickly than you.

York, Maine vacation tips:
York is a small beach town in Maine. It is an excellent place for a family vacation. Get to the beach early, secure a plot of sand, plan on at least a day or two of rain, and go in late July or August when the weather is warmest. Note that Maine restaurants try to replicate wintertime indoors, so dress in layers for evening dining. Be sure to visit Portsmouth, NH for tax-free shopping, and Kittery, ME for outlet shopping less than a half-hour from York. Mini-golf - a priority for myself and the missus - is located about twenty minutes north in Wells, ME. Cute shops for girlfriends and spouses are located in Ogunquit and Cape Neddick, ten minutes north of York.

The developer of the Unreal franchise of games Epic Games does not care about innovation or novelty in their gaming experience. Instead, they care about creating the best FPS (first-person shooter) available, from graphics - oh the amazing graphics - to sound, to level design.

I do not typically write about upcoming games. I do not buy a large quantity of video games, despite loving to play and having been a video gamer since the Atari 800. It might strike you as odd, then, that Unreal Tournament III is by far the only game I am sweating over, more than Mario Kart or Metroid for the Wii, more than Starcraft II (blasphemy!), and more than Crysis. Unreal Tournament III blows me away like no other. Why?

Unreal is nothing new. When Doom and Quake pretended to have a storyline that the player cared about, Unreal Tournament appeared and said, "Go kill people. Die less often than your opponent."

The developers payed particular attention to multiplayer, being extremely diligent to balance the level design to prevent people from creeping, ghosting, sniping, and camping (though all are still possible on occasion). The weaponry is impressive, visceral, and satisfying to use. The graphics have evolved to become more impressive with every release. The sound is always immersive.

The greatest games of all-time are not always revolutionary. Pong did nothing to impress via technological prowess, it was simply fun to play. The same went for Pac-Man, Galaxian, Tetris, NES Super Tecmo Bowl, and even Starcraft (it wasn't the first real-time strategy game, and it was not 3D, either). If every game needed to be revolutionary, Gran Turismo would never have had a sequel.

Everything about the technology is evolutionary, and the best available at the time of its release. Further, the programmers are very diligent about optimizing the game for legacy systems. I still play UT2004 on a computer nearly a decade old, and it looks okay.

I love the way Unreal takes its subject matter and executes flawlessly, I love its amazing graphics, I love the rush, and I can't wait for more.

And just for U1, a comparison between some of the cast from the movie The Fifth Element and one upcoming female costume from UT3:

Part 1 - Common Stock

This blog will be continued over multiple entries. Please comment with your questions, what topics you would like addressed, and concerns over the content so I can make adjustments.

Common Stock
Contrary to popular belief, buying stock is not difficult. To do so, you will need to open a brokerage account with a firm like Fidelity, Ameritrade, E*Trade, Charles Schwab, or a similar discount broker. A broker is simply an intermediary that executes your buy or sell order on your behalf, retaining a small transaction fee, typically $10 or $15 dollars per trade. Anyone can open a brokerage account, though there may be minimum balance or trading activity requirements.

Common stock is an equity security issued by corporations. Stock is sold in shares, and shareholders are partial owners of the corporation. As a shareholder, you have the right to vote in major corporate decisions, are entitled to a dividend, as well as capital appreciation on the security itself. Dividends are regular payments made to shareholders, while capital appreciation is a rise in the value of the stock itself.

Nonfiction: Getting Emotional
At a very basic level, you buy stock in companies you believe will do well in the future. This can range from telecommunications companies such as Verizon (NYSE: VZ) to video game developers such as Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT). I bought some stock in NYSE: MVL) years ago on the belief that the firm was due for a comeback, having an as-yet unexploited line of characters from which to frachise films and consumer goods. Their balance sheet and income statements, documents used to report a company's financial solvability, were relatively free of debt and it seemed they were poised to grow. I did okay, but did not hold onto the stock long enough, selling early at just over $8 per share.

Buying stock can become an emotional game, as it did for me. I bought Marvel due to its attractive valuation and significant cache of assets in the form of its characters. DC was already licensing its characters like crazy for Batman: The Animated Series, movies, and other licensing deals, and the cash was rolling in; it still is. Marvel had not yet done so, so I bought $500 in stock at $6. The stock dipped to $4, but rose to $8.50 after a few months for a tidy profit. Had I held on, I would have seen even bigger gains (it was over $26 on July 9).

The moral: don't get emotionally involved in your stock.

Picking a stock
There are two ways to pick a stock. One I subscribe to, and the other I do not:
1 - Fundamental Analysis - You research the fundamental value of the common stock you are interested in to determine what you believe to be its true value, rather that its market value (the price it currently trades at). You buy or sell the stock based on your findings.
2 - Technical Analysis - You predict future stock movements based on historical price fluctuations via trend analysis. The assumption is that historical trading patterns will repeat themselves.
Technical analysis is crystal ball hocus pocus, in my opinion, and to be avoided unless you have no problem with treating your investments as a gamble.

I subscribe to fundamental analysis. Through careful review of public company information made available through regulatory documents such as its annual and quarterly reports, you can gain an understanding of how the firm operates, its financial condition, and what type of foundation is in place for future success. While there is some quantitative analysis, there are equal parts qualitative analysis. Who sits on the board of directors? What are their personalities? Who are the firm's competitors? What is the viability of their product line? The list is as long as you want to make it.

To be continued: Conducting fundamental analysis. The annual report, balance sheets, statement of cash flows, and income statements.

Disclaimer: Investing in common stock (equity securities) can be dangerous. I advise most people to consider a diversified, professionally managed or indexed mutual fund before buying individual equity securities. More information on mutual funds can be found by clicking here. The following is my own opinion and is not necessarily a recommendation for your particular investment situation. Equities carry significant risks, including possible loss of principal.

Seen walking home from work in Downtown Boston.

Shy people take note: A Geek to Chic Tangential

It amazes me how many people either refuse to go on blind dates or who are scared out of their wits by the thought. Always go on blind dates! If someone wants to set you up with someone, go for it. If your mom knows a nice boy or girl, take her out. Make them both happy. If you are a girl, do the same as the aforementioned but reverse the sexes (Unless you are gay then do not reverse them!).

On a blind date you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Blind Date Success
I met my wife on a blind date. I was out at a bar in college and very, very inebriated when I (apparently) ran into her roommates. I awoke the next day with a name and number in my pocket and made the call, figuring I had nothing to lose (except the girl I was already dating at the time). In the end, I met a great woman I eventually went on to marry.

Blind Date Failure
Everyone wants to hear about the failed dates. Well, I met a girl that was pretty looking nice once through a fraternity brother, but she ended up being aloof and pretentious. We had no common interests. After a tasty dinner and several awkward silences, we said adieu and never spoke again. I cannot even recall a name.

What to Do
Call and set up your date. Skip email, which is too impersonal to start a relationship. Go to dinner, since it allows you to talk; this way you can find out if he or she chews with their mouth open. Afterwards, do something active together, rather than a movie. A movie is a long period of silence next to each other. You can do that with anyone. If you do something active, you are more likely to be remembered. Bowling, pool, mini-golf (at night!), or anything else that is more physical will be more memorable. If the dinner went bad, cut your losses and end the night early, thanking him or her for giving you a shot. And that is all I have to offer on the dating front itself.

Consolation Prizes
The worst that happens is your blind date is a horse, you have no chemistry, or the date goes awry. Nobody is going to die. At least going on a blind date has the potential to get you somewhere. Not only that, you will always get a story to tell your friends and family, no matter how it goes (*Edit* See U1's comment below for a great example).

So all you shy people out there, saddle up and squeeze some enjoyment out of life by taking a risk without any downsides, should the opportunity arise!

A heather-gray undershirt is invisible beneath a white overshirt.

If you need to wear a white collared shirt, white golf shirt, or any other white shirt you can kind of see through, a heather-gray shirt will not show through a white overshirt (heather gray is a light gray). I'm no optics specialist, but I've worn it and it works.

Great for job interviews, day-to-day at the office, funerals, weddings, and business casual.

"How you look on camera is just as important as what you have to say," Marta Tracy, veteran TV producer

Jean Shorts
Are you a hot woman? Because unless you are, you should not be wearing denim (jean) shorts, known as "jorts." Women have officially stolen jean shorts from men. If you wear jorts, you will always look like a tool. Yes, even at a monster truck rally, where 1,000 other people are wearing them, people will snicker and make fun of you behind your back. Take your jorts, walk to the closest Salvation Army, Planet Aid, or other donation bin, and ditch them.

Do you think either of these guys has a shot?

Summer attire quicklist:
1 - No visible white socks, like knee-highs, wear short socks (ankle-length) if you are prone to foot odor or blisters
2 - Ditch the high top sneakers or Tevas unless you're playing basketball or hiking, try Birkenstocks or flip flops, instead
3 - T-shirts should fit snug, better yet, wear a casual button-down, short-sleeve shirt
4 - Do not tuck your shirt into your shorts or pants
5 - Always wear a belt, and be sure it matches your shoes. If you're wearing sneakers, brown or black is fine.
6 - Khakis are your friends: comfy, good-looking, cool and always in sty1e, khakis are a summer cl@ssic. Try cargo, khaki shorts in summer
7 - Tank tops are for girls and wife beaters. Real wife beaters. You're not a wife beater, are you?
8 - Say no-no to Speedos unless you are on the swim team. And competing.
9 - "Jams" died for a reason, please do not try to bring them back. Old Navy tried to bring them back by calling them "board shorts". They failed. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're better off for it.
10 - Minimize jewelry unless you're Flava Flav. Gold necklaces and gaudy rings make you look like you were hired to break legs and dump bodies.

Suggested Attire

Tops: In the summer you will always look better in a short-sleeve button-down shirt than a T-shirt, whether on the beach, out at the mall, hanging out with friends or whatever. Go for a vertical stripe or retro-pattern, and pair it with a solid color bottom for best effect. Solid color, button-down tops are too formal for summer. Polo shirts are okay, but generally best for casual workdays and sports rather than casually. "Rugby" sty1e polo shirts are also a great look at the moment, particularly with a twill pant or short. The aforementioned having been said, summer is a time to wear those T-shirts as long as they have a snug fit. Go ahead and go to the beach in a T-shirt, hand out in from of Dunkin Donuts, or whatever else. It's summer. Just know that you'll look better doing all that stuff in a button-down.

Bottoms: The latest fashion for young men is "Patchwork" shorts, or plaid shorts. While these look good today, they are contingent on the guy being very attractive himself, and can be tough to match to a top. They can also make you look like a golfer. You are better off investing in a couple pairs of twill cargo shorts in khaki and brown, and possibly a pair of straight-up khaki shorts (non-cargo) for nicer situations. These have been fashionable for some time and are likely to continue to be fashionable for a few more years, as a result.
Footwear: Shoes make the man, and buying summer footwear is pretty easy. If it's warm and casual, birkenstocks and flip-flops are always in among young adults. Sneakers are fine as long as you wear short socks (below the ankle) or go sock-free. If you're at a formal summer evening, a pair of khakis pair nicely with boat shoes, though it will make you look like an old-timer at a bonfire.

Where to buy
For summer clothes you can go to any Aeropostale or American Eagle to buy attire that looks the same as you would get at the Gap or Abercrombie & Fitch. You can also hit Old Navy, but it can be a mixed bag, fit-wise. If you have money to burn, Banana Republic will make you look like a million bucks (possibly excluding you from your less wealthy friends!).

The Geek
I admit, I used to own a few pairs of jorts. I looked everywhere for them this week so that I might don them for your entertainment. Unfortunately, I apparently already expunged my wardrobe of all jorts and jort-affiliated wear some time ago. The best I am able to do is model some of the looks I have suggested, and compare them against the OG: Original Geek.

He is still scrawny, but there is not much we can do about that. At least the stripes are horizontal, which "widens" his appearance.

Obligatory Manhunt 2 Coverage

For those of you that do not frequent Gamespot, Rockstar Games developed an extremely violent game (think Saw and Hostel) called "Manhunt 2" that earned an AO (Adults Only) rating from the ESRB, effectively preventing the game from being distributed in the United Kingdom. Sony and Nintendo also have rules against releasing AO games for their systems. Rockstar is the same developer that created the controversial Grand Theft Auto series that had Hillary Clinton up in arms, as well as Bully, that also garnered some overdramatic attention from the media. Rockstar has been forced to shelve Manhunt 2 as a result of the aforementioned. The question now becomes: What will Rockstar develop next to follow-up its legacy of drugs, crime, murder, and bullying?

I asked Founder and Executive Producer of Rockstar Games Sam Houser what was in store for Rockstar.

Boz: Thanks for coming out today, Mr. Houser.
Houser: I'm happy to be here.
Boz: Mr. Houser, I don't want to beat the Manhunt issue to death. You've shelved the project, so what other games are in the pipeline for Rockstar?
Houser: I'm not supposed to discuss this, but we have almost finished this new game. You have a cannon, and have to fire a kitten as far as possible. It would bounce a few times and there would be explosives, and...
Boz: Excuse me...
Houser: ...bombs, spikes. The cute kittens would be eviscerated. It's so...
Boz: Mr. Houser!
Houser: What?
Boz: That idea has been done. It's already freely available as a Flash game.
Houser: Really? Did it get a lot of press coverage?
Boz: Not really.
Houser: We'd get a lot of press coverage for it.
Boz: That's nice, Mr. Houser. Do you have anything else lined up?
Houser: Well, yes. There are tons of unexploited ideas in gaming. At Rockstar, we're shocked nobody else has come up with this stuff already. We have a team working on a necrophilia game where you have to sneak through graveyards, find fresh corpses, and...
Boz: Thanks, but I get the idea.
Houser: But I haven't even gone into the Wii controls, yet.
Boz: That's okay. What else is Rockstar working on?
Houser: All kinds of stuff. Our crack creative team has a huge list of ideas. There's Baby Seal Clubbing, that uses the Wiimote, too. You have to...
Boz: Any other titles?
Houser: Yes, but I'll never get to them if you keep interrupting me! We have a dolphin-killer game coming up, a rainforest logging game, one where you get to be a child molester - they're so misunderstood - and one where you get to play as an Al-Qaida terrorist!
Boz: Mr. Houser, don't you think that is a little politically sensitive right now given the World Trade Center bombing and ongoing conflict in Iraq?
Houser: Nonsense! Think of how great the game would be: You start out as a recruit in a Middle-Eastern country like Pakistan or Iran, smuggle your way into Afghanistan and work your way up the Al-Qaida ranks. Eventually, you move up to become an Iraq insurgent, and recruit women and children to go on suicide missions. Eventually, you would go on to attack U.S. installations yourself. Eventually, you get to be the right hand of Osama himself!
Boz: Wouldn't it be better if you played an undercover U.S. operative rather than an insurgent? The game would be pretty much the same, otherwise.
Houser: Don't be ridiculous, we'd get no press coverage!
Boz: Don't you have anything a little less graphic, like the table tennis game you developed for the XBOX 360?
Houser: We did a table tennis game? Was anyone impaled?
Boz: Mr. Houser, is there anything else you might like to say about Rockstar's future before you go?
Houser: Oh sure! We have lots of great stuff on the way. Keep an eye out for the Ku Klux Klan FPS (first-person shooter). We're still working on the licensing of the Unreal 3 engine so we can get some great lynching effects in full Directx 10. We want the flaming torches and crosses to appear extra-real. We're thinking of calling it "Triple-X, Triple-K", or something along those lines. We've also got a Trauma Center inspired game set at Planned Parenthood. We're not sure if we're going to go FPS on that one or not, yet. Oh, and one more. We're planning on doing a full remake of the original Wolfenstein using a new graphics engine.
Boz: Really? Wolf3D was one of my favorites!
Houser: Except this time you get to be a Nazi
Boz: Uh, okay then. Mr. Houser I have another meeting to go to.
Houser: I thought you said you were free all afternoon?
Boz: Yes, but The President called and I have to go.
Houser: The President? Come on, I'm not stupid. You said we'd go to Red Lobster!
Boz: Mr. Houser, I really have to go.
Houser: Come on!
Boz: Hey, stop touching me!
*End of tape*

This interview was a parody, and never actually happened, except in my head. Rockstar and Take-Two are in no way affiliated with me or my crazy ramblings. It was for your entertainment only. Mr. Houser is probably a really nice guy, like those South Park fellows.

The Violator continues to lurk in my office. Sadly, there are always pretenders to the throne.

The Note-Taker He comes into the bathroom with a pad of paper under his arm and a pen in his pocket, approaches the urinal, unzips, and gets to business. Even though he is a serious violator of bathroom etiquette, I cannot help but be impressed by and pity The Note-Taker. As soon as he opens stream, he lets go the steering column and furiously scribbles on his notepad. What job do you have that is so important you need to take notes while urinating standing up? Is he not working; are the notes personal? Is he cataloguing color (pale), direction (20 degrees left), and power (one teaspoon per second)?

The Note-Taker might have been given an exemption from "Violator" status if he would only wash his hands after using the john. Sadly, he does not.

The Stairmasters The Stairmasters are multiple violators, and you are unlikely to have met them. You see, I work in a skycraper on the 15th floor. We have a nice bathroom on fifteen; nothing special, but it is clean. The 16th floor employees have a cr@ppy, shared bathroom with separate businesses. So what does The Stairmaster do?

The Stairmaster travels a flight of stairs to take care of his private business. This might be impressive, considering the laziness of the average American. Unfortunately, it is merely an excuse to not do work, travel a flight of stairs (which eats up time), and hit our far superior break room for some coffee, tea, soda, or all of the above. I might not care if, in the midst of a call of nature, every stall and urinal was not full of employees that work in a different division. But what am I going to do, tell them to leave?

The Noisemaker You guys, and you know who you are, insist on making every sound that the human body is capable of at the urinal, when all you really need to do is take a leak. You cough, spit into the receptical, fart, and yawn, all while going "Number One" into the tiny pool of water in the urinal. The bathroom is like a gym locker, and you are given some leeway for making these noises while therein, but not in combination.

The Librarian "You've been in there for 20 minutes, what's going on?"
Silence.
"I can hear you turning the pages, some of us gotta go!"
Silence. Turns page.
"Man, this isn't a library!"
Paper shuffling.

Bathroom etiquette Violators are everywhere, and they do not care what you think. You might be drunk late at a bar at the urinal and have another guy tap your shoulder, you might be alone in a McDonald's on the highway only to have someone stand next to you at a long row of urinals, or you might just have some creepy guy take a peek; so watch out.

Kudos to you if you got the "throne" joke earlier in the entry.

I love the Soapbox, and so do many other users. I would like to keep it great.

I have noticed that the Soapbox has some peculiarities that you might want to be aware of, if you are not already. It seems as though any article written by a user that has 1 - already garnered the Soapbox emblem and 2 - who marks their article "Editorial", then automatically has that article featured in the Soapbox section of Gamespot. This has meant that some of us "Soapboxers" have been featured repeatedly.

What you may not know is that there have been complaints previously about this very thing from Gamespot users who stopped frequenting the Soapbox because they were sick of the same people all the time (though they were only a small percentage of users). You can also, apparantly, lose the emblem and the privelege. To prevent complaints and increase the value of the Soapbox, I would suggest a measure of self-regulation on our part.

I believe that we might want to avoid posting a new editorial when our current editorial is still featured in the Soapbox section of the site. This will create a steady rotation of new content from an increasing pool of users (as staff select new Editorials), so the same users will not always be on top. It requires little effort: just check the Soapbox to see if you still have an article up. If not, feel free to post a new one.

If you have a time-sensitive editorial (such as commentary on current events) by all means post it. If you simply have a great idea that has no immediate priority, you might want to wait awhile to post it by saving it elsewhere, such as in a Word doc.

This is, of course, only a suggestion. If I have made a mistake, or I am way off-base, drop a comment below.

Sincerely,

Boz

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*Update* Note that entries marked editorial and submitted in Filmspot or other affiliated CNet sites will appear in the Soapbox for users with the emblem! *Update*