Men, if you learn nothing else from my musings, remember this: keep your woman fed. Women cannot enjoy any secondary activity such as shopping, social events, vacations, and certainly not sex when they are hungry.

Men, we are a simple folk. We can go for hours being hungry when we are doing something fun. If I am hiking or playing video games, I can go forever without food. Ladies, by contrast, have their emotional epicenter intimately wired to their stomach, and that monitor is sensitive. When that monitor becomes sensitive, she will become sensitive to your insensitivity, even when you were actually being quite sensitive.

You begin to prepare for everything once you have been in a relationship long enough. When a journey with my wife takes more than an hour I bring snacks. This is both thoughtful, earning kudos for me with her, and insurance. If I forget snacks and that monitor goes off, she will reach over, grab each of my ears, and bite off my face.

Learn from my mistakes, I beg you, feed your woman a snack about two hours following any regular meal. If you have no woman, be sure when you find one to feed her. You will avoid many arguments by simply keeping her fed. It won't give you carte blanche to be a cad, you still need to be thoughtful, sincere, and a good listener, but it will lengthen her fuse.

Trust me.

An important note on ESD (Electro-Static Discharge): when working with sensitive electronics it is important to ground yourself. All you need to do is touch something metal immediately before handling your motherboard, CPU, or other component. This discharges static buildup on your body. Also, do not build your PC in a room with a rug to avoid static build-up.

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Unpacking
Keep organized when assembling your PC. There are many little parts and screw that might be lost during the process. There are three ways to stay organized. The first is to only open the boxes of the components you need as you use them, and setting aside the packing materials to avoid clutter. The second is to follow an outline. My motherboard manufacturer Gigabyte included a handy, "Hardware Installation Guidebook" which was my bible throughout the assembly process. Finally, get a magnetic bowl (see video). You will use this thing for the rest of your life for all kinds of projects, and they're cheap, available at any Sears store with a Tools department.

[video=IXMylTL55b8PvD7a]

Building Outline
1 - Install CPU and Heatsink onto Motherboard
2 - Install Memory
3 - Prepare Case and Install Power Supply
4 - Install SATA, IDE, and FDD Devices
5 - Installation of Motherboard
6 - Installation of an expansion Card
7 - Connect to Case Indicator Light and Power
8 - Connection Ports on Case

1 - Install CPU and Heatsink onto Motherboard
Leave the motherboard in its box and place all other accessories in the motherboard's packaging to the side. With the motherboard sitting on its foam packing, you can safely install some devices that require putting firm pressure on the board. The first is the Intel LGA775 Processor, which (disconcertingly for me) has no pins. Rather, it sits lightly onto a "bed of nails" in the LGA 775 socket. This means removing the plastic covers on the processor and socket.

With the protective covers off, we can lift the handle that holds down the socket cover, then lift the cover itself to reveal the processor bed (of nails!). The CPU should fit easily onto the bed, and has distinctive markings to indicate which orientation is correct. If you had trouble with round pegs and square holes with your child toys, you might want to get some help seating the processor.

[video=JSAynzX65b8PvD7b]

Once the processor is seated, close the cover and lock the latch back in its original position. This may require some modest pressure, but not force.

With the CPU in its socket we now need to mount the heatsink. The retail CPU comes with a heatsink with pre-applied "thermal compound," a paste that conducts heat between the processor and the heatsink. I, however, needed to make things more complicated, so I carefully removed the original paste with a razor-blade (do not do this, as you can scrape off the copper, use a credit card followed by cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol, instead) so that I could reapply aftermarket thermal compound, called Arctic Silver. You may not need to do this if you are using the factory thermal grease.

[video=cXY0ljP-5b8PvD7Y]

Applying the thermal grease seemed easy, I just slathered on a thin coat. It is important to keep the coat extremely thin, less than a millimeter. Of course, I did it wrong. I applied too much grease, and I should not have spread the grease from edge-to-edge. You need only apply the thermal grease (if you choose to do so, the factory thermal compound is sufficient if you do not plan to overclock your PC) in a thin ribbon on the center of the processor, then insert the heatsink. The pressure of the heatsink will spread the compound for you. An example of what happens when you apply the thermal compound is below:

Oops. That smooshed thermal grease means I applied it wrong. I cleaned the grease off as best I could with Q-Tips and reapplied as directed.

To mount an LGA775 heatsink, place it over the processor with the four feet over the four corresponding holes of the motherboard. Press the top of each leg firmly into the holes until you hear a "click." If it does not click, you may need to turn the black plastic casing 90 degrees using a screwdriver, and try reinserting the feet of the legs into the motherboard. Note that the Intel instructions mistakenly indicate you use a screwdriver to lock down the feet. This actually unlocks the heatsink for removal. I of course had to do this to clean off the excess thermal grease.

[video=JXUywjD95b8PvD7Z]

Once the CPU is in its socket and the heatsink locked down, locate the CPU Fan Header on the Motherboard. While it should be clearly labeled, you may want to check the motherboard manual to be sure. You do not want to plug it into a system fan header. This should plug in easily

[video=K3VlnmH_5b8PvD7W]

2 - Install Memory
You are done with the processor. Installing the memory is easier. Remove you memory modules from their packaging, and check your motherboard manual for the correct slots in which to insert them. Then, open the clips on either end of the memory slots, be sure the memory modules are lined up with the slot in the correct direction, and push them down firmly into the slot. The two clips you just opened should click down to secure the memory in place.

[video=IHIznmSq5b8PvD7X]

Do not worry if you inserted them incorrectly, the motherboard will give you several warning beeps when you first turn it on to warn you if you did it incorrectly.

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Next up: More hardware assembly.

While on vacation a few weeks ago, I was in the Kittery Trading Post. The Kittery Trading Post is a hunting & fishing megastore, with camping gear, gun safes, and all manner of outdoor paraphernalia. I grew up in New Hampshire in a family with deer hunters, and my brother-in-law still hunts pretty much every animal capable of breathing with every conceivable weapon imaginable from bow to rifle. Well, having grown up a bit and moved to the city, I found the following the most amusing (and frightening):

I can understand that boys like toy guns and other weapons. I can even see a situation in which a father might want to buy his son his first compound bow to teach him how to hunt; but "Bring 'em up right?" Besides the frightening grammer, it seems somehow dissolute to imply that children raised without the skill of operating a weapon - particularly a bow - were raised incorrectly. Is the bow really a skill worth developing in the 21st century? Forget piano lessons or hockey and learn to bow hunt? The forthcoming discourse came to mind as I pondered where this bow might end up one day.

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(The following transpires between 8:00PM and 9:00PM, in a small log home in Maine) The dark wood floors and exposed beams cast flickering shadows across the room as a fire crackles ambivalently in an exposed chimney. The aging leather furniture gives way with a squeek to the shifting weight of a middle-aged man with rough hands. His face is shadowed with stubble after the long day's passage. He is watching his son intently, who is watching the fire, in turn. The man leans forward in his chair to speak.

"Son."
"Yes, Papa."
"I have something for you here." (Pats chair)
"Yes, Papa." (scampers to his mentor)
"This is a bow." (holds it out for his son) "Today you learn to be a man."
"Wow, really?"
"Yes. However, you must be responsible. A bow is not a toy, it is a device requiring both skill and strong judgment. I believe today you are ready."
"Oh thank you, Papa, I will use it only for good."
"That's great, Son." (sighs) "After all - uh, what?"
(excitedly) "Now I can be like the Green Arrow, and silently propel bolts of justice at my enemies with the righteous fury of a thousand suns!"
"Huh?"
"The Green Arrow, Papa, the most popular of comic book heroes. He wields his bow against all manner of evildoers, and occasionally other heroes when there has been a misunderstanding of some sort. The Green Arrow is a man of legend."
"Now hold on a second."
"Should I call myself the White Arrow?"
"Wait a minute, Son, I just said this bow is no toy. If I am going to give it to you, you have to be careful."
"Oh, I will be careful, father."
(raises voice)"None of this Green Arrow business, right?"
"Oh, I will be sure to always strike my enemies in the heart or eyes, Papa, lest they bear witness to my identity and I dishonor the family."
"I think you'd better hand that bow back to me, son." (holds out hand)
"Not today, Father." (nocks an arrow)
"Hey! I think you'd best put that...urk!"

"Thank you, Papa, for bringin' me up right."

Thou shalt not wear a tie with a short-sleeve shirt to work unless ye mortal hold the title of Dock Supervisor or Apollo Mission Ground Control Crew.

...never ever wear a short-sleeve shirt.yeah_write

I have to somewhat agree with yeah_write's comment, a long-sleeve collared shirt always looks more professional than its short-sleeved counterpart. However, when it's over 90 degrees and humid in the city, those short-sleeve collared shirts start to look pretty tempting for casual fridays.

If your job is dressed down enough to wear a short-sleeved collared shirt, you should not be pairing it with a tie. You will look like a used-car or door-to-door insurance salesman. When dressing for work, think more Gordon Gekko and less Homer Simpson.

I want your feedback! I want to know what you like and want to read. Which entries have you liked the most? the least? Do you enjoy this blog and why? Do I come off as an elitist jerk? a nice guy? a bourgeois pig? Is it (the blog) ugly? well-organized? Or is this your first time here?

I know there are many people who read my blog, but I do not always get the feedback I need to improve it. I currently cover the following:

*New* - Newbie computer builder (Learn to build a new PC)
Financial Tips (Buying a car, When a $2,300 LCD TV costs $1,600
Geek to Chic (Jorts, Wearing a sport coat, casually)
Advice (Building a car stereo, Free HDTV, Blind Dates)
Humor (Bathroom Etiquette, Rockstar Games Interview)

I want this blog to be one, useful and two, entertaining. Positive and critical comments are both welcome, but be gentle!

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Series goal: You learn to build a new PC along with me. It seems Gamespot is primarily inhabited by console players. I hope my foray into building a PC encourages readers to pop their PC's hood and tinker a bit to improve their own system and maybe try a few PC game exclusives. It will also be an archive for myself to reference.

Where to begin
I started where everyone starts with any research project: Google. After Google came months of poring over reviews of individual PC components to find what was the best compromise in quality, price, and raw power. You can ask questions right here on Gamespot, too. To build a PC, you need more parts than you might think:
- Motherboard
- CPU (Central Processing Unit)
- Thermal Grease (may be included with CPU)
- CPU Cooler (may be included with CPU)
- Memory
- Power Supply
- Graphic Card
- Case
- Hard Drive(s)
- Optical Drive(s)
- Floppy Drive/Card Reader (for Raid or Bios flash)
- Monitor
- Mouse
- Keyboard
- Software, including an Operating System
Of course, most people already own at least one computer and are able to salvage parts from their existing PC, like a keyboard and mouse, as I have. If you are considering a PC, the above is your shopping checklist.

Selecting components
You will have to visit Tom's Hardware (see resources, below) for the latest top components. They have excellent charts showing the performance improvement of each component at each price point that is extremely useful. For example, which video cards are most efficient at each price.

Motherboard - If you are going to splurge, make sure it is on the motherboard. The motherboard determines what you can upgrade in the future, which processor is accepted, and how many expansion cards you might need (and are allowed to use). I selected a Gigabyte motherboard based on the P35 Intel chipset. It will allow me to use newer 45nm processors that will become standard for the next 5 years or more. The price is also very good for the amount of options and backwards-compatibility I get with the board. Should I decide to venture into overclocking, the board is highly rated in that regard.

CPU - Your CPU should be selected from the motherboard manufacturer's compatibility list, available at their web site. The beefier the CPU the more Ken Jennings be your computer. I selected a Intel Core 2 Duo E6550, which is the least expensive of their newest processor line, and will allow me to run pretty much everything conceivable at reasonable quality. I can always upgrade when prices come down, if the need is warranted; CPUs are easy to swap. The retail package includes a cooler, which mounts on top of the processor, and preloaded thermal grease or a pad. The included thermal grease or pad is generally inferior to aftermarket grease such as Arctic Silver, and aftermarket grease is cheap at five or ten bucks, so I picked some up.

Memory - Should be selected from the motherboard manufacturer's compatibility list, just like the CPU. I selected two gigs of Crucial Ballistix memory based on positive customer feedback at Newegg and compatibility, but mostly because of a $30 rebate that put it below $80. The timings, an indication of speed, were also good at 4-4-4-12 and a CAS of 4. In memory, lower numbers are generally better, but may require more technical skill in setting up the PC, such as adjusting the voltage in the BIOS (more on this later, if it becomes necessary).

Power supply - They vary in price more than any other component, and technology improves little from year to year, unlike processors and memory. Wait for a good deal on a positively-reviewed power supply and buy it at any time, even if your PC will not be built for awhile. Power supplies will not go bad with disuse, and will not become obsolete with time if it is high quality. Just remember, the more stuff you plan on running, the beefier a power supply you will need. I am only going to run a single graphics card, so the 500W Thermaltake Purepower, on special with free shipping and a $20 rebate, will do me fine.

Graphics card - The easiest part of the buying process; I went to Tom's Hardware, clicked their current chart for the best power/price ratio in my price target ($150-$160), and selected a Sapphire Radeon X1950PRO. The card is certainly not top-of-the-line, but will get me through a couple years of gaming and Photoshop.

Case - Some are easier to work in than others, but unless you need a small form-factor PC any ATX case will generally do fine, you pay extra for bells & whistles. I picked up a really nice Ultra Wizard ATX case for free after rebate. You can't beat free.

Hard drive - Easy: buy as much as you can afford. Storage is a mature technology, and it is getting constantly cheaper to store more information on smaller disks. Even if you buy a small hard drive today, odds are you can pick one up even cheaper in the future. A $55, 200GB Western Digital is more than enough for my purposes, as I will also be salvaging a 160GB PATA (the interface type) hard drive from my old PC, great for storing music and *ahem* videos. The newer SATA interface on the Western Digital will be faster than the PATA drive.

Optical drives - Just as easy to select as hard drives. Any DVD burner rated highly on Newegg will work well for most users. I selected a Lite-On that is on special with free shipping.

The remaining components were salvaged from my old PC with the exception of the monitor, which will be determined by your needs. I picked up a 22" Acer from Woot a number of months ago that I will be using. I will be using Windows XP. Vista is simply not mature enough to warrant purchase, especially in the three-digit price range.

The final list of my components:

Intel Core 2 Duo E6550 Conroe 2.33GHz ($179)
GIGABYTE GA-P35-DS3R ($130)
SAPPHIRE Radeon X1950PRO 256MB DDR3 ($137)
Crucial Ballistix 2GB 4-4-4-12 ($110, $80 after rebate)
LITE-ON 20X DVD±R (SATA) ($29)
Thermaltake Purepower 500W ($60, $30 after rebates)
Western Digital Caviar SE 200GB 7200 RPM SATA 3.0Gb/s ($55)
Ultra Wizard ATX Case ($40, free after rebate)
Total Cost: $640 plus shipping

Placing the order
Multiple special discounts forced me to purchase my items from Newegg in separate orders (you do what you have to for the discounts!). I already have my case, splayed open on a table at home, awaiting the components that I will place into its currently empty shell. Newegg is fast, and the components arrived the day after order placement. Impressive!

I began installing the components last night, and will take you along with me to learn how to build and troubleshoot a working PC.

Resources
PCStats - Beginner's Guide to PC Building
Tom's Hardware - Hardware reviews and recommendations
Anandtech - Hardware reviews and recommendations
ExtremeTech - Hardware reviews and recommendations
Bootdisk.com - Excellent resource for BIOS flashing and other basics
Newegg - Online PC Supply Store
Slickdeals - Collection of current bargains (the best)
Ben's Bargains - Collection of current bargains
Freeafterrebate - Collection of free stuff (sort of)

Physical pain and video games do not exactly go together naturally.

Draqq_Zyxorian raises the question: Still, would you play a game that had outside effects, like being dumped into a water tank if you were defeated in a fighting game or slapped on the wrist with a ruler every time you did poorly in Brain Age? How far would you go? And which games would such an addition be cool?

Almost every comment stated no, the player was uninterested in experiencing pain (or yes, but without reason). I found my predecessors comments surprising, given the constant stretch for reality in gaming. Having real consequences for your actions within a game is not only a good idea, it is necessary to replicate the real world within the virtual.

Why we need pain (eventually) in gaming
It goes without question that people would love to have their own holodeck. As such, you need to be able to elicit a physical and tangible response from the virtual interface, good and bad. Without pain, you are simulating only the appearance of reality, instead of reality itself.

I am no masochist, but even if it felt real I would appreciate the added realism pain might bring to certain games, as long as the pain came with potentially equal rewards of pleasure. The player might have the option of adjusting the pain level, and turning it off. Take Unreal Tournament, for example; if every time you were hit with a flak cannon you felt a paintball-esque impact in the applicable are, I would gamble you would change your tactics pretty fast. Similarly, if you felt immense pleasure wash over you when you picked up a health pack, or a little high when picking up adrenaline, the game itself would fundamentally change. Game servers might be set for "pain" and "wimp."

Pain brings us a step closer to virtual reality, partially forgotten as the public became disenfranchised with the bulky helmets that had been a staple a decade ago. I agree that pain for the sake of pain is unwelcome in the gaming world. However, if it is relevant and adds to the experience in a positive manner, I say bring on the pain!

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Afterthoughts on Virtual Reality
I am not sure when VR died. Maybe it was after Lawnmower Man 2, or maybe the Virtual Boy killed it; either way, the fervor of interest in VR that beset the 1990's has long been replaced with interest in personal gaming, evolving existing technology, and the pursuit of nanotechnologies. Certainly research persists, and technology from artificial limbs and robotics will inevitably be adapted to VR purposes, but the excitement of total immersion has certainly gone by the wayside. I hope someday interest will resurface. Perhaps an exciting discovery or new invention will be made that can be appropriated for VR. Until that time only hardcore geeks still work feverishly on VR in unlabeled laboratories at MIT and RPI, dreaming of the day the robots will insert us into the Matrix. Sigh.

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Note: These images were used without the permission of their original author(s). They were found via Google image search, and appropriated for this article. Should their reuse constitute a violation, I will change them at the behest of the original owner.

Hopefully a female reader or two will back up some of the following tips for dressing to impress.

Hot guys wear sport coats
I probably lost a few geek readers with the words, "sport coat," but a sport coat (also called a suit jacket or blazer) can make the most awkwardly shaped man look more attractive. Besides, if you own a suit - and you should - you already own a jacket you can wear with casual clothes, why not get some value out of it?

How to buy a sport coat
Get measured at a store that sells suits like Men's Wearhouse, Filene's, or Macy's. They will let you know your jacket size. You want a black or charcoal coat if you do not already own one, because it is the most versatile. If they ask you whether you want single- or double-breasted, select a single breasted for the same reason. You will also have to select between a two- or three-button jacket. Personally, I do not think it matters. Just be aware that when buttoning a suit, you only ever button one button. On a two-button suit, it's the top button. On a three-button suit, it is the middle button.

Get your sport coat tailored. A coat that is untailored may make you look disproportional. You do not want to look like you are trying on your father's clothes, or vice versa. The tailor will either take in or let out the sleeves and adjust the fit. This is always necessary, but particularly if you buy a used coat.

Wearing a sport coat casually
A dark sport coat, such as black, navy blue, or charcoal, will complement jeans, khakis, or dress pants in most situations. Make sure that your belt and shoes match the jacket, and that your shirt is a contrasting color. For example, you would not want to wear a blue shirt and blue blazer because it washes out the effect, making your torso look like a giant blob instead of defining its contours. You can throw a sport coat over jeans and a t-shirt for a "Ryan Seacrest" effect, or over a collared shirt for something more formal. Tuck or untuck the undershirt based on the situation, a sport coat makes everything look a little better.

A sport coat does not go with sweat pants or stovepipe jeans. The rest of your outfit must be a good fit, or the coat is going to look silly. I am personally against wearing sport coats with sneakers, though I have seen it done to positive effect. For example, John Cusack often wore/wears Converse with a sport coat.

You need not worry about the coat defining your contours if they are, say, gelatinous. Sport coats make fat men appear trim, skinny geeks bigger and more defined, and everyone look a bit more manly. You will always look better in a sport coat.

While you might not want to wear a sport coat to the mall, you will look better at a high-cl@ss bar, pool hall, or dinner. Matching a coat to casual pants or even jeans is great for family gatherings and church as well, and would make mom proud.

Geek objections
Save your, "That's not my sty1e," arguments, wearing the wrong clothes can be as rude as giving someone the middle finger. Regardless of race or religion, all men should own at least one suit for weddings and funerals, at a minimum. Even if your entire wardrobe came from Eastern Mountain Sports, you need to own a suit. Going to a formal event in slacks and a collared shirt is disrespectful to the host, and it may be disrespectful to your date.

The Geek
Our geek has come a long way from his oversized T-shirt and tapered jeans. Let us put a sport coat over his existing clothes to see how it changes his appearance.

Not bad, appropriate for cocktails.

Very nice, great for shooting pool.

These clothes are all the same clothes he was wearing in prior Geek to Chic entries. This underscores the versatility of the sport coat. I hope I encourage at least one geek to impress his girlfriend or spouse with a nice dinner!

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Still need more help?
Tailors and suit salesmen are as slimy as used car salesmen. However, they almost always know what they are doing. Try on an ugly coat to be sure they would not let you buy it, effectively verifying the validity of their advice.

A word on dry cleaning
Dry cleaning lowers the life-expectancy of your clothes. Dry cleaning is a misleading statement, as dry-cleaned clothes are typically washed using special - and often harsh - chemicals. Thankfully, you almost never need to dry clean a suit. I have read once every two to three months with wear, but if it's just sitting in the closet and you wear it once a week in the evening or less, it can go a year or more without dry cleaning. The smell test is absolutely valid, just make sure someone else does the smelling (it can be tough to smell ourselves).

Most video games and video game devices are not innovative. Innovation is a word tossed around in the video game world as much as, "Pwned!", "Fanboy", or "FPS." But innovation in gaming is usually an evolutionary affair, instead of revolutionary, which is rare, like the slinky, hula-hoop, and Rubik's cube. If you want to find revolutionary gaming, you need to go to York, Maine. There you will see the following truly innovative arcade machine:

This is an arcade claw machine that allows you to win real lobsters (click the picture for a larger version). The arcade this machine was discovered at, Fun-O-Rama, also had a large selection of cl@ssic arcade machines such as Operation Wolf, Joust, and a full-size, sit-down version of Afterburner. It is unlikely, however, that you have even read this far after a picture of a lobster claw machine. A live lobster claw machine.

More lobster madness:
Buy your own claw machine (with video)
Boston news coverage
Kotaku coverage
Outraged activist hippies

Wootex Wants Wealth

1. It sounds like keeping your eyes open for effective stocks or mutual funds is quite a time consuming process. As such, is there a high possiblity for large returns , it seems that your marvel comics story is more of an exception than the rule. Since I only have about 1,000- 2,000 to safely invest, is it likely to get big enough gains to make it worth my while?

Just because you do not have a lot of money does not mean you should not invest. The sooner you begin investing, the better. Not only will earnings today compound to increase future earnings, the sooner you start investing the more familiar (and therefore more comfortable) you will become with the natural ebbs and flows of the market at large. At your age you can easily afford to lose that $1,000 to $2,000 entirely, if you wanted to take on some aggressive risk (you wouldn't like losing it, but it would be relatively inconsequential in the grand scheme).

If you want to simply dip your toes into the investment marketplace, a great place to start is with a balanced fund. A balanced fund is an actively managed mutual fund that allocates its portfolio among stocks, bonds, and cash (i.e. money markets and short-term bonds). Balanced funds range from ultra-conservative to aggressive.

Second, open a Roth IRA. A Roth IRA is a tax-advantaged retirement account. You put after-tax dollars into the account and it grows tax-free until you reach 59.5, when you can withdraw any amount tax-free. You can withdraw the principal prior to that date at any time for any reason. I will not go into extensive detail about Roth IRAs, since the Wikipedia link explains them better than I, except to say that everyone who can should make the maximum contribution possible (currently $4,000 per year) if they are able. A Roth IRA is one of the best investment vehicles you can own.

You can buy shares of your balanced fund through the Roth. You can open a Roth with any of the major brokerage houses (online if you'd like). For example, Fidelity, Charles Schwab, TD Ameritrade, E*Trade, and even Bank of America all offer Roth IRA accounts with access to their fairly sizable mutual fund supermarkets (unlike stocks, you can only buy certain mutual funds through certain brokers).

Keep in mind that the minimum amount necessary to invest in most mutual funds is $2,000. So you can open a Roth IRA, deposit your $2,000, and select a balanced fund from the broker's list of available funds. I can help you select a balanced fund, but will need to know the broker first to make sure the funds I suggest are available on their platform. Some great funds include:

Moderate
PRWCX - T. Rowe Price Capital Appreciation
FBALX - Fidelity Balanced
VWELX - Vanguard Wellington
IFAFX - American Funds Income Fund

Conservative
FKINX - Franklin Income
PRSIX - T. Rowe Price Personal Income
SWCGX - Schwab MarketTrack Conservative

Aggressive
Includes Global securities
UNASX - Waddell & Reed Asset Strategy
CIBFX - American Funds Capital Income Builder
SGENX - First Eagle Global

Some of the aforementioned funds carry loads (sales charges). Do not buy a fund if it carries a load; ask for a load-waived version or another fund that does not charge a load.

2. Speaking of safety, I have about 3 grand in the bank that is earning me some interest, yet as you and I know, the banks give very little interest, if you were in my situation, where do you think the best place to put it would be (any specific bank, stock, cd or mutual fund) to earn decent return without too substancial a risk (though some is ok)?

When you open your Roth IRA, open a regular taxable brokerage account as well and transfer your cash into the account. When you open your regular account, you will be asked to elect a money market "sweep." This is the money market that your cash will invest in automatically when you are not using it to buy stocks and mutual funds. Money markets used by the brokerage houses pay a much higher interest rate than those available to brick & mortar banks like HSBC or Bank of America without much additional risk.

Some brokers will even allow you to write a small number of checks from your account, potentially replacing a bank account. If your brokerage is with a bank, like at Bank of America, you can easily transfer money in and out of your regular bank account. When you get into a higher tax bracket, you can elect to have your cash sweep into a tax-free municipal money market fund, rather than a taxable fund. However, it may not be worth it if you are in a low tax-bracket, like the 15% bracket. You will need to check this based on your annual salary, but I'd guess you are best off with a taxable money market.

If you are not interested in opening a brokerage account or just want a better interest rate on the cash sitting in your checking account, consider using ING Direct. ING offers some of the best money market and CD rates, as well as some comprehensive bank services.

3. In the song "like a rolling stone" what event do you think led to the financial downfall of the woman who is the subject of the song and what should be done to avoid a similar situation happening to us?

I believe Dylan alludes to her drinking and/or drug habits during her school years as leading to her downfall. Rather than paying attention in cl@sses, she was busy getting "juiced." Subsequently, she had no academic nor practical experience to fall back on, and therefore no means of income save her jewelry (i.e. hawking her diamond ring) and herself.

My theory, however, is that she did not open a Roth IRA soon enough, tossing her money at booze and charities when she should have been securing her own financial future. However, that is merely my own interpretation.

Disclaimer
With his permission, the aforementioned were reprinted questions sent by PM (Private Message) to me by Wootex concerning his financial issues. These are my opinion only; investing is risky. You may lose some or all of your principal investment. The ultimate decision on what investment to select is ultimately your own. I accept no liability for your investment decisions, though I do believe the preceding is sound advice.