Okay 1, how do you change which shows appear in your favroite shows include thing since I wanna make them my real favroites not some random group of em. 2, Should I get Mozzila Fire Fox since I heard it was good.

Thanks if you answer and vote for Chris Porter on Last Comic Standing!

[My Notes: Eppisode 2, Some stuff is based on a Conan "Lips" routine, the set is also on Conan's set.]

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Late Night with Joe and Joe-Bob

Joe: Well we are back my friends

Joe-Bob: YEAH!!!

Joe: Ganados!

Joe-Bob: AGH protect me [simpers under desk]

Joe: Resident Evil 4 scared the hell outa him.

[if there was logic in here Joe would of been under the desk but Joe-Bob is the idiot]

Joe: Well our first guest is Miachel Jackson hi wako!

Miachel: Wheres my cardboard cutout of Gary Coleman and The Beav.

Joe: here.

Miachel: Oh good bp.

Joe-Bob: What the hell does that mean?

Miachel: Before #####

Joe: Oh god

Joe-Bob: That is sicker than when I yanked the turds  outa my ###.

[Joe and Joe-Bob begin vomiting into buckets]

Miachel: Boy oh boy boy oh boy boy oh boy heee heee heee oh marshmallowy boy soft supple jiggily boy ohhhhhhh.

Joe: Okay quit having an #######.

Joe-Bob: HAHAHAHAHA he has ##### ###! hey everyone Miachels a broad... where are the #######.

Miachel: Just the ######, I hated the ###### ####.

Joe: Oh not again [vomiting]

Joe-Bob: You GREW body hair?

Miachel: eww stop disgusting me I hate body hair it feels so weird.

Joe-Bob: I've had it with you [cocks a shotgun and fires it at Miachels head]

Miachel: OW! [head shatters] [parasetic growh comes of neck with a organ like blade and ribcage like jaws] [deep voice] FOOLS! I AM A GANADO WHY DO YOU THINK I AM SO PALE!

Joe: I need to turn that game off [turns off Resident Evil 4]

[Joe and Joe-Bob pull out a gun J gets a Red 9 while J-B gets a Broken Butterfly and they blow off Miachels... growth.

Miachel: DAMN YOU [body rips apart, 6 long bone like legs grow from waist, 2 claw like bony growths grow from arms a spiked back is made and he turns into a gray demon] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Joe: Shut up!

Joe-Bob: [Grabs a rocket launcher] DIE! [fires it up Miachifers vagina]

Miachel: AGH BURNING DEAD [dissolves into small tan particles and is absorbed by ground]

Joe-Bob: Rockets kill in 1 hit [winks]

Joe: Well we need to end this now since our set is badly damaged... Conan will have our heads.

Joe-Bob: HOEDOWN!

[Joe and Joe-Bob do a hoedown]

Both: Goodnight see ya soon

DIsclaimer Man: This is not based on Resident Evil 4, Capcom has no assiocation with this show. This is not based on true events. Git R Done.

Well mabye... My computer messed up so now I could not post of mine, I lost the complete ablity to do anything on there and I was currently submiting to SNL ask Stuart I just sent in a lot of em when it happend. Couple days later my connection failed and I could not log on. I am gonna find the admin and see if he can make an altrenate version that works better for us lower "internet explorer" poor people. I gotta get off soon the Librain is watching me.

Okay since I cant post at home I will just comment on this, here is what I will do. I will announce stuff in my Comments page periodicaly untill I can post again and I will probaly do it every day. Announcement for today, lv 12 and kickin ass takin Finals and kickin ass.

I just went up a lot in the last few days. I have over 50 quotes on the SNL page and have 14 pending on there. I may one day overtake Stu as the SNL Contributer, I am also gonna send some in for Dennis Miller Live soon but I enjoy SNL more. Also on Monday I will post a Temporary Blog where all my news is made in the comments since I cant post at home. Have a great day everyone!

[Joe's note: Feel free to debate me I know Bush has done some things wrong like Medicare, Gay Marriage and Abortion/Stem Cell Research and I know that you can use that on me. Some of my examples in here are kind of flimsy but the press is insulting the war and look at the REAL pictures I posted. And Finaly I must say that even though I like Bush and you people may not, feel free to say why you dont like him without saying "he just sucks" and that I had a hard time writing this since I am used to writing stuff filled with cursing, sex jokes, vilolence and just stupid stuff and I kept this relativley clean. Hope you like it.] 

Monday, May 15, 2006

An Editorial: Why I like Dubya, my first "Serious" Blog



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W_Bush

That is the source I did all of my research on which was sadly closed from being edited due to members adding "Bush sucks" into it. But I did a lot of research and here is why I like Bush. Incase any of you are wondering I just checked there to get my facts straight.

1 The War: I think Bush is doing the right thing with the war, he is staying and he has done a lot of good, infact I here are a few pics about the good we are doing.

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/SoldierswithKids01.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/SoldierHoldingChild02.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/iraqsoldiergirlcrop1.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/IraqiSocer.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/iraq_game_boy.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/IraqiThankYou01.jpg

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j23/TheRedneck14/030508_laughing_girls.jpg

Also we need to keep going in there, Bush had troops sent into Iraq and we have captured Saddam Hussein and several of the Insurgents and brought Democracy to Iraq. Last year Iraq had its first Democratic Election and I just want to thank Bush for helping out the Iraqi people by overthrowing Sudam. Also a lot of people chastised Bush when we did not find the WMD's in Iraq after going to war but it took a long time to get in there. The UN stopped us from going right in with our strike force and finding the Weapons giving the Iraqi enough time to hide the WMD's thus making Bush look like a War Monger. And I must reming you of 1 more thing, this is true by the way. During the 2004 Elections Ossama [or Sudam I dont rember] said that he wanted Kerry to win and you know why, he knew Kerry would pull out of Iraq and Afganistan and then we would all be speaking Arabic in a few years.

2 Immigration: [note partaily quoted from Wikipedia]

Immigration
"Bush proposed an immigration bill that would have greatly expanded the use of guest worker visas. His proposal would match employers with foreign workers for a period up to six years; however, workers would not be eligible for permanent residency ("green cards") or citizenship. The bill is opposed by some Democratic Senators, including Barbara Boxer and Edward M. Kennedy, as well as by conservative House members like Tom Tancredo. "

Bush has also publicly stated he would like to tighten security at the U.S.-Mexico border, which includes speeding up the deportation process, building more jail cells to hold illegal immigrants, and installing more equipment and immigration officers at the border. He does agree with "increasing the number of annual green cards that can lead to citizenship" but does not support giving amnesty to those who are already in the country illegally, saying that it would only serve as incentive for increased illegal immigration."

Well I think that is fair but not going overboard. Also people are calling him racist for the Illegal Immigration thing but rember this, "Illegal" means "not legal" which means it is a crime to be in this great Country Illegaly and I am suprised we are arguing so much about this.

3 Drugs and Medicine: The Medicare bill is one of the things I dissagree with Bush on since I beleive that medicine is important to the elderly and should be affordable, and I also disagree on Abortion since I beleive that if someone needs or wants one they should be allowed too. I also dissagree with his stand on Stem Cell Research which is mainly using Aborted Fetuses [Babies] after finding that their cells could be used to fix damaged cells on people or Animals. He is opposed to it but I beleive he shouldnt be.

4 Education: Well I think he is doing good since I am in High School and other than dealing with idiots all day I enjoy it now. The No Child Left Behind Act is a good idea but since Schools dont have enough money it isnt being enforced enough.

5 Energy, Enviroment: Now I dont really care about the enviroment but he is doing some stuff to try to fix it without going overboard and making the country look like a giant forest. He is trying with Energy like Gas, he has proposed mining for Oil in Alaska which is a great idea but Enviromentalists are completely opposed to it even though he just wants to get oil to lower the gas prices so people will be happyer, and hippies whats more important having low gas prices, or that some Caribou's snowy freezing cold paradise isnt intruded upon by a Oil Tower.

6 Terrorisim: This is currently the most important issue with me seccond to Immigration since I am worried about the Insurgents being able to drop bombs on us. and like I said earlier we are doing a good job we have captured several Insurgents and other Military Leaders from Iraq and Afganistan and we have Suddam but Ossama Bin Laden has still eluded capture and I think we need to kick the war into overdrive and begin taking down the terorists before they destroy us. I know I am being hipocritical caring more about us than the other countries but I just want America to take down the evil Militas of the world and that the entire world can stop this crap before the sun carreens into the planet in 5 billion years.

7 Ecconomy: Okay Bush is trying to lower Taxes but the forms are kind of confusing so I dont know what to think here. But the Ecconmy has rose up you have to admit it we are living in a hard time and he is trying.

8 Post Clinton: Okay when I think of Bush I just need to respect him for taking over Clintons inbred sex train of a 8 year ruler ship. I just have to thank him for allowing me to respect the presidency again, he built that field on the White House lawn for the kids and I respect that but then I think of Bill running around in his drunken stupor with the Maid. Bill Clinton is a liar and we all know if rember that he said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" well that turned out to be a load of crap. Bill Clinton was popular but I just think that is because of the diminished expectations of the American society and I know that sounds redundant but I just respect Bush for being a normal person.

9 Overall: I just respect Bush and I think he is a good man but I beleive that he has been chastized by the Liberal Media because they want him to go away, just listen to Sean Hannity [a person on a talk radio station here in AZ I dont know if he is anywhere else] infact the Liberals insulted Bush during Loreta King's funeral a few months ago and that is just proof that we are being brainwashed into thing Bush is the equivilant to Hitler and is an idiot and that Cheny is satan with a pace maker. Rember people call Bush an idiot, I am pretty smart and I know more about Politics than some of the people in my class who just listen to their parents forcing their beleifs on them, I cant understand some of the big words Bush uses and beleive me I know a lot of big words. Good night and I hope you enjoyed this GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got on LV 11! I hope I need to send extra stuff since I sent in a lot of submisions during the last 2 days and I think I got more than the 15 I needed. Hope it gives em to me tommorow!

I sent this to Diamond Dog on May 3rd, I have also posted it on a Fourm and on Myspace, it has gotten good reviews everywhere I posted it. It may be a little "profane" but I just write that way. 2 new ones soon 1 is a thing I wrote in Drama and the other is about the Immigration problems.

 

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The School Skit

[SCENE]: A day in Algebra Class

Teacher: Okay students what is the Square Root of X Greater Than or Equal to 124 Squared by 4 and Divided by the 1.2303 and Mutliplied by...

Joe: Excuse me but WHO THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!

All: [speachless]

Teacher: What?!?!

Joe: You are teaching us useless **** that 85f us will never need again IF we graduate.

Teacher: You are a retard just like all of these people.

Joe: Yes and that is why we will never need it

Teacher: Explain this for us so we will understand how stupid you are.

Joe: Its simple mr Douchebager..

Teacher: Its Douchenberger dumb ass.

Joe [Rolls eyes] Whatever..... Anyway you see Kandi there

Kandi: What?!

Joe: Look at her crappy grades in all of her subjects and her..... giant boobs.

Teacher: Your point.

Joe: Proccesss of elemination says she will be a Ho.

Kandi: Hey **** you Joe

Teacher: Please quit cursing you idiots or I will have to give you a time out!

Joe: "Time Out"....... what kind of **** invented that?! More proof that the hippies are ****ing up the country!

Teacher: God.... Continue, Kandi let him speak he wont shut up anyway.

Joe: Alright [looking at Kandi] well you have bad grades and will **** anyone with a wallet so you will be a ho, I can send you a Book called "Velvet Jones': Be a Ho" if you need proof.

Teacher: Please shut up.

Joe: COME ON HER BOOBS STAND OUT LIKE MALCOM X AT A KLAN RALLY!!!!!

Tyrone: You racist little Honkey!

Joe: Proving a point, by the way you would be a pimp.

Tyrone: So.... I cant **** Kandi.

Joe: No, mabye if you pay her extra.

Tyrone: If Douchenbagger wasnt here I would kick your ass.

Joe: So, I'm part Italian and Irish I would kick your ass.

Teacher: Please shut up.

Joe: No, listen this crap youre teaching may be useful for some of us but for the vast majority it will be more useless than Miachel Jackson's **** at the Playboy Mansion.

Teacher: If you dont quit cursing I will give you a Time out and call your parents

Joe: Oh **** you, Ill explain this for you one last time, some people will use this crap but the rest of us will be Strippers, Hookers, Mechanics, Food Monkeys[Fast food worker term... sorry if you work there and are in your 30's], or just Beggers now I'm gonna get the hell out of here.

Teacher: Fine I dont need you corupting these peoples minds anyway, who wants to learn.

All: **** you you bastard!

[everyone kills Mr. Douchenberger]

Narator: And the **** was killed, so the Moral to this story is, you will be a **** up in the real world..... unless youre rich or hot.

Is it any wonder that our professional atheletes are have become overpaid injury prone prima donnas? When I was a kid in grade school we had swings, jungle jims,(monkey bars), vertical ladders and teeter totters. Hell some of the swingsets had metal chains, and we played dodge ball up against a grick wall. What are these kids going to do on a play ground, play hop scotch on the grass with painted squares?

How many of today's kids even get a chance to swim in a lake or pond? Probably they don't even get to wade in a mud puddle after a summer rain. Sure I had lots of cuts, scrapes and bruises as a kid, but damn it was fun being outside and playing. No wonder todays kids want to play video games. There is nothing fun left to do outside. Kill all the lawyers and suit happy ways that has forced this on us.

Is litigation taking the 'play' out of kids' playgrounds?

PORTLAND, Ore - Most adults can remember the carefree days of childhood, climbing trees and jumping from swings, often on schoolyard playgrounds.

Climbing, swinging and sliding was once a rite of passage during recess, a time for adventure, to see how high, how far and how fast we could go as a kid.

Today, kids find themselves grounded, victims of a culture of fear and injury litigation.

A growing number of school districts are going so far as to ban the game of tag and are even posting signs that read "no running on the playground."

Is there real danger on the modern playground?

Safety advocates say yes and want to eliminate it.

Their first target: swing sets.

They've convinced Portland Public Schools to remove all swings from elementary schools playgrounds.

But even a playground inspector finds the removal of swing sets a little over the top.

He says that swinging creates motion and is an important part of childhood development.

But the safety advocates don't stop there.

Portland Public Schools have also rejected merry go rounds, tube slides, track rides, arch climbers, and teeter totters.

At Grant Park in Northeast Portland, some parents embrace a new plastic enclosed play area, noting that the construction of the play equipment does not have sharp corners, and soft surfaces are used in many areas.

As for the disappearing swings at school playgrounds, some parents say the kids won't miss them, while others decry the move as overprotective.

And it's not just Portland that is seeing playground equipment disappear.

Our lawsuit happy culture has schools and parks installing low-to-the-ground play structures that some have derided as "dumbed down."

Now, it seems, anything with moving parts is a lawsuit liability, and in some places, that even means moving legs.

In Broward County, Florida, there's a new rule on the playground: no running.

A parent there commented that "no running on the playground, that's kind of like no playing on the playground" and another called for a review of what exactly was "safe" or unsafe.

So what can kids still play?
Not dodge ball or tether ball, that's still too dangerous. And in Beaverton, at Barnes Elementary School, rules there forbid the game of tag.

In Salem, an elementary education director says "we don't encourage the game of tag because it encourages fights."

But at Catlin Gabel, a private school, there's an entirely different philosophy at work on the playground. One where monkey bars, slides and other playground favorites are used daily by a roiling mass of youngsters, some who come away with skinned knees or other minor boo-boos.

Kids there are taking chances, even jumping from swings, and it's all encouraged.

An adult watching the students play says it's really the nature of childhood to take small risks and find out what they can do and what they can't do.

One child psychologist points to the rising trend of childhood obesity in defense of letting kids play like kids.

National statistics indicate 34 percent of kids are overweight, with obesity projected to be nearly 50 percent in the year 2010.

But safety advocates point to different numbers, saying playground accidents cause 200,000 injuries nationwide each year, and 17 deaths.

It's a debate that is sure to continue, as some say kids can never be safe enough, and others feel that if kids can't jump from the swing set and maybe skin a knee, they are not learning valuable life lessons.