If you read just one blog of mine, ever, this might be the best one to go for.

Today, I remembered why I started posting on Gamespot in the first place...and why I've been trying to stay away these past few months. It's the same reason why I started acting.

At first, Gamespot seemed like a great escape from the worries of life. It stayed like that for a while. Eventually, it became more than that...I wasn't a very talkative person...and I guess I had trouble communicating, especially because of some things that had just happened. I still suck at talking, but I do it anyway.

I thought this place could be somewhere I could express myself without actually telling anyone who I am. I suppose if you met me in real life, it wouldn't be a shock...we'd be similar, me and this person I've been here. People say that talking on the computer is way different than in real life, but it's not. Instead of words, it's text;I just happen to have never met any of you in person.

So what, then, is the problem with being here? If it's the same, there shouldn't be, but here's the thing: I have a life outside of here that I need to go to every day. A few years ago, I dreaded that. Today, I celebrate it. Mostly. It's been stressful recently, but maybe I should be thankful that I have the ability to be stressed. Maybe.

So it's the same with acting. I can do whatever I want, and no one will care because I'm being someone else. It's...refreshing. I love it.

So I do these things because I have trouble expressing myself in a more practical way...like just talking. I can't do it. Why tell people things? They didn't ask. But when I perform...they come to me, and they're asking...but they're not asking about my life, they're asking about my character's. So that's what I give them. My character's life, as interpreted by me. Maybe it's enough.

And I find it strange that I can talk to people here like I've known you all my life, but I would never tell anyone in my real life if anything was wrong. Is that weird? I tell people here everything...everything except for my real name. No one knows that, except for people I see at school. They know my name, but not what I'm thinking. Gamespot's the opposite.

And even deeper, at the base of my inability to speak and communicate, my seeking refuge on some website, there's something else...why can't I just talk to people? I wonder if it's genetic. Or maybe it's a failure on my part. I might have done something to deserve this.

I'm kind of rambling now. The point is that I've been gone for a while, and I've figured a lot out...I can't stay here. It's holding me back...I need to stop wasting time here that I could be spending literally anywhere else. I'll keep acting...that can improve the way I communicate, but this can't. I speak when I act, not when I type. I can still express myself that way.

It's not like you won't see me at all. I know how it goes. I only know of one person who's left Gamespot on his own without being banned or anything like that. I may drop by on occasion like I have these past few weeks...but I won't be here often, or for too long. I'll be out for a while...give or take a day or two.

GameFreak

It's been almost a month since my last update. I haven't been posting in anyone else's blogs, so I'm not expecting many replies. But as always, this is more for me than anything.

Speech and Debate

I'm getting the feeling that I suck. Last year I took Acting and I got the impression that I could act...I mean, the teacher told meI should join Speech so I did. I went from no experience, to little experience, and now I'm in way over my head. I can't compete with the people I've seen...actors should be flexible. They should be able to play lots of parts. I can't. I can play a normal guy, and that's it...and that won't get me anywhere. What sucks the most is that I had to find it out on my own, always getting encouragement along the way. It sucks. It reminds me of something else that happened.

Band

Our Tenor 2 player for Jazz Ensemble...well, I don't know. She's been out for most of the year and I don't know what's wrong...everyone's been really worried and praying for her and thinking about her...but I don't know what's wrong.

Which made me even more uncomfortable when the director asked me to play her parts for the rest of the year...on tenor sax. Since I was a seat below her, I was the "logical" choice I suppose, but it feels weird...out of place. I feel like I'm replacing her and I shouldn't be.

But the worst part isn't that...it's that she's a genuinely good person. She doesn't deserve any of what's happening to her, whatever it is. I mean, you don't just leave school for a few months for the hell of it. It's terrible.

IHSSA

Here's something new. I'm in a one-act play...of course, confidence in my ability as an actor is almost completely shot. I'm the lead part...as far as I know, I'm a normal guy. Maybe I'll be able to pull that one off. I'd have to laugh, though, if I couldn't. The only person in the world unable to play himself convincingly.

Jeff

There have been countless blogs about this, and that's good. I'm sure that's the only thing, if anything, that people here will comment on now that I brought it up. I just have to say that it's messed up...they need to fix it, fast. He doesn't deserve it. He's a great person who's just doing his job. I'm sorry that your game sucks, maybe you should work on making it better instead of trying to get people fired. That's what I do...use constructive criticism when I get it to improve. Well, if I get it. Otherwise I just learn to realize it on my own.

GameFreak

Hello again. I know it's only been two weeks since I posted last, but a lot has happened. Overall it's been pretty incredible.

First, the play. You may or may not remember that I was cast in the play. I had a small, part, but he was funny. He went very well with the audience. Audience? I'm getting ahead of myself.

Last Sunday we hada rehearsal that went from 2 to 8 in the afternoon/evening. It was fun, but it was hard work. We went through the show a couple of times, had pizza, and worked on a few spots. It was a good time.

On Monday, rehearsal went after school until 7. The next two days it was supposed to go until 9, but ended up going till 7. Then it was showtime.

Thursday was my first appearance in theater ever. Well, publicly. It was fun to do the show and get reactions (or not, in some cases) from the crowd. We had a show Thursday and Friday night, and then two on Saturday. Oh yeah, Saturday.

Saturday,call was12:30 in the afternoon. We performed at 2. After the show...at about 4...we went out to eat. That was nice, too. We just sat and told stories...well, I listened. I'm not much of a talker. :P Then we went to Target to get our director/teacher/coach a gift.

The show that night was amazing...the best of the four. Everything we did got a laugh, and it was great. Everyone was at the top of their game and knew exactly what to do and when. I mean, we knew what we were doing the other times, but this one was special. It was our last show, and it just worked.

Since opening night, I've gotten compliments from a few friends and my former seminar teacher about the show and my performance. I was lucky enough to have a couple offunny moments in the script. :P

The whole experience just reenforced that I love acting. At the cast party, I performed my Humorous Interpretation in front of some of the cast and another friend who came. I think they enjoyed it...but I have work to do. It's hard to do something so crazy and emotional when all my life I've been sort of an introvert, and considering that, I've come far...and I'm really proud of that.

I also realized that I'm doing too much that I don't want. If things go as scheduled, I'll be taking four AP c|asses next year. I'm not going to let that happen...I'll take AP Literature, because I love English c|asses, and I'll take AP Spanish because I'm pretty good at it...but AP Chemistry? AP Biology? AP Calculus? I can't do it...my schedule was full this year with only two AP courses...four would be too overwhelming. Plus, I want to have a lot of time for my HI, and the play if I make it again next year, and for just relaxing once in a while. I used to just accept that I was learning things I'm never going to use, but now that I can do something about it, that's what I'll do. Something.

GameFreak

The play's coming along nicely...there are some really funny moments in it. Everyone's got their lines pretty much memorized. The show's in two weeks.

My piece is improving. I went in after school one day this week to have the Speech coach watch it. Well, she said it was better, and I'll believe her. :P I think I'm doing alright for my first year...especially since I'm not an incredibly outgoing person. My next competition won't be until November 9, so I'll have a lot of time to prepare. Of course, so will my competition. :?

As for school, I've been hanging in there. I have As in everything except AP Physics...but that's just because it's freaking hard. :x I'm taking the PSAT tomorrow morning. I don't really know what to expect. I hope I don't fail. :?

This is my first weekend off in...quite a while. Tomorrow after the test, I'm going to lunch with my parents and brother. Then we're going to Blockbuster to I can catch up on my much-missed hobby: Movies. I'll probably rent Planet Terror and Knocked Up...and I'll probably watch them both that night. :P

Oh, I've been playing Tales of Symphonia. It's fun, but I think I'm lost. :?

GameFreak

Have you been reading my blog recently? If you answered "yes," then you're a liar! :o I haven't written a blog in nearly two weeks. :P

Last week I had my first Speech & Debate tournament. I did alright, considering it was my first tournament ever. I got 4th out of 8 for my humorous interpretation. :)

On Friday I had my second tournament. I didn't do as well, but the people were more prepared at this one too. I'm still not really sure what to expect each time I go to a new place. I had a good time, but I wish I'd made the final round. I suppose I could be real bummed about it, but after it was over someone I'd talked to before then told me about how he'd heard that I was a funny guy...from whom, I have no idea, but then he said something like, "It's just one tournament, and it's your first year. I mean, honestly, you're doing well." I mean, that's not word-for-word, but it's close. :P

Now, for band: Right after my first Speech thing, we went to Minnesota. The band, I mean, not the Speech people. Bus ride was amazing, and we ended up winning just about everything...which is a nice change. We usually suck. :P

We stayed overnight at a school which I'm now convinced is for mentally challenged kids. I mean, I don't have anything against it, but I just had to find out by the things I found around the building. A few friends and I decided not to sleep. We stayed up and talked about...well, late-night randomness. Later we left the gym to walk around so as not to disturb the sleepers. Craziness ensued.

First, the gym happenings. In the gym, we were put on seperate sides depending on gender. The gym had dividers that seperated the room into sections, so those were put up. We ended up talking throughthe dividers and passing a camera through it to take weird pictures for laughs.

Also, someone let off an airhorn in the middle of the night. It didn't bother me because I wasn't actually asleep, but still. :P

Okay, so in the halls: We slid pizza boxes to each other. That lasted about five minutes...someone accidentally stomped on a pack of ranch dressing and it got everywhere. We had to clean it. :?

We played some cards. It was around the time when the tiredness starts kicking in, so we weren't at the top of our game. That made it interesting.

One of the drummers spray painted a graffiti symbol in the shower room. He thought it would come right off. Well, it did...after we sprayed an entire can of Axe Body Spray on it. Apparently, alcohol removes paint...and apparently, Axe has alcohol in it. Go figure.

When everyone else woke up, we got on the buses and went to the Old Country Buffet...did you know that you can get tacos for breakfast there? And ice cream...I had to trya little of that. :P We went to a really nice church for mass. It was huge, but the priests talked slow. :P

The ride home wasn't bad. I was tired beyond any belief, but we watched Gremlins. :lol:

GameFreak

I made the play...it's a minor part, which is actually probably a good thing. If I got too much more to do, my schedule would probably explode. Here's how it looks:

6:30 -- Leave for school
7:00 -- Marching band for anywhere between 45 minutes and 3 hours. Depending on the day.
8:00/8:30 - 3:00-- School...
3:15 - 5:00 --Play practice.
5:15 -- Come home...do homework.
6:30 -- Leave for Jazz Band (on Tuesdays...only for two more weeks).
8:30 -- Come home from Jazz Band.

I might start getting to bed later if this continues...

Maybe I should do my Pre-Calc homework so I don't have to tomorrow. >_>

I saw Death Proof on Saturday. I was very entertained...the best part in the whole movie (and one of my new favorite all-time movie moments) is when Kurt Russel's character glances toward the camera for like two seconds. It's perfect.

I have my first Speech & Debate tournament on Friday. I'm excited and nervous. Excited because I've never been to a speech tournament before, and nervous becuase I've never been to a speech tournament before. I'll probably suck...I just finished memorizing my piece yesterday, and it'll be great once I get it perfect...but it's not perfect yet. I'm sure a lot of competetors are in my position.

GameFreak

Jazz band's playing at an assembly on Friday. We're playing our easy songs...the tough ones haven't been figured out quite yet. :P I'm doing better with the songs, but it's still freaking hard to hit a high F on a bari sax. :x

I have about half of my H.I. memorized. There's a competition October 5...so I should work on getting the rest memorized. :P It shouldn't be too bad since I've read through it literally about a hundred times, not to mention all the revisions and cuts I made. Yeah...it should be good...if I do it right. >_>

I auditioned for the school play on Monday. I really want the results to be posted...after I went, the Speech head just went, "Great. Very good." That could mean one of several things:

1. "You did well."
2. "I can't give any indication on how you really did because I haven't seen everyone else yet."
3. "You lose."

So yeah...maybe it'll be up tomorrow. :P

You know the c|ass I got the "family" project in? Our teacher just gave us another project...how considerate. :x This one should take longer and take more effort. Neat...

Heroes on Monday was pretty good, I thought. I mean, it is the season premiere, so it had to set up a bunch of stuff...and it did great with that. :D I also watched Chuck, which is pretty funny. :P

But tomorrow night...is The Office. Hell yes. 8)

GameFreak

At first, I wasn't too hyped for Halo 3...I mean, it is Halo 3, but I wasn't going to get excited because Halo 2 (forme) was somewhat of a disappointment. (The Campaign mode was...multiplayer rocks, but I don't have Live.) I changed my mind.

I just read the review for Halo 3, and now it looks amazing. I didn't realize all the new stuff they shoved into it...and I think the Campaign with be better. :D And I think I'll be getting Live when (if) I get a 360 for Christmas, so that'll jack up the value quite a bit.

And that brings me to another thing...games. What are some good games for 360? So far I have on my list:

Bioshock
Oblivion (rent first...I disliked Morrowind)
Rainbow Six Vegas
Dead Rising (I played it on our jazz band trip to Chicago last year...it was addicting. :P)

Please tell me what I've forgotten. Thanks!

GameFreak

I've started really working on my Humorous Interpretation (which I will call an "HI" from now on...). I finished cutting it...which was a challenge, because it was originally about 35 minutes to read. It needs to be 10.

I've started creating characters and voices for them...but I'm not very good at being a girl. I need to watch some more movies or something. >_>

Audition sign-ups for the play are up, too. So I signed up...our audition is just 45 seconds of monologue...and it's supposed to be clever. I'm using a talking head from The Office (UK). I've never seen the UK version, but there was one quote that just made me crack up at the irony. :lol:

This year for Jazz Ensemble, we have to take tests. We never had to in the past. I mean, I wasn't in Jazz Ensemble in the past, but others say it had never happened. Basically, we play an exerpt from each song, and we're graded. Well, some are graded. The others are just screwed. I'm one of the latter.

I had to play a part (on the bari sax...the low one) which is all of its highest notes in quick succession. There are several problems with this:

1. High notes should not be played on a bari. It's called "bari" for a reason, and that reason is because it's supposed to belt out kick ass low notes.
2. High notes, in general, are tricky. Especially when switching between the high notesand not-so-high notes at 160 beats per minute.
3. We've had the music for maybe a month. With my schedule, it's hard to find a lot of time to just work on parts like that.

Other c|asses are going the same...Physics is still hard and AP Lang is still fun. Oh, and update on the "family project" I briefly described last blog: it sucks.

GameFreak

We had our first home football game performance last night. It went poorly. >_> Luckily, that was only a dress-rehersal for today's "competition." (Not really a competition, more like an evaluation.)

Our "competition" performance was better. I felt like I played well, and it sounded really good. Only bad thing is that we should have played louder for our kick-ass ending to Movement 2. It's so awesome sounding. 8)

Jazz band's going better...yeah, the music's still tough, but I'm getting the hand of it. I've been playing jazz ever since I started playing saxophone in like 7th grade, but never of this calibur. It's really fun...but I hope I can play tenor next year. Bari just isn't my thing. :(

I was supposed to meet after school this week with the Speech "coach," for lack of a better word, but on Thursday she seemed flustered and Friday she went home sick. She's really nice...she has this sort of naturally sarcastic look that just cracks me up. :P And she knows what she's talking about...which is good. :)

I always remember watching those TV shows where there was a high school project episode where the project was for a guy and a girl to pair up and have a "family" and plan out a budget and everything. I also remember thinking, I'm so glad my school isn't cliche enough to do that. Well, all I can say is, it is cliche enough. We picked partners on Friday. >_>

GameFreak