I think I have what I call Just Another Day Syndrome. JANDS. Bsaically all my days just become meshed into one mess with really not to distguinish one day from another. Basically making my life a bore of endless repeated process that lack in significance at all. I work school study sleep internet. Sometimes hang out with friends. I can remeber last week or any particular day they are just days. I could describe any day and I sound just like any day. All my days are the same. I'm in a rut. So where to go? Idonno.

I saw Y online we haven't spoked in like 3 weeks. yeah I know spoked isn't a word whatever its late. Anyways, that was semi exciting except for the fact she never responded back. Go figure, our friendship seems to have pretty much faded away. Which is very disheartening for me. But I guess thats what people do they just kind of push you aside when it comes to long distance. No one really wants to work at friendships. Granted I am not perfect. I tried and I'm sure she tried but school and what nots.

Work has been worse then ever. I'm the low man and the high man at the same time. And its lame. If the seniors aren't tehre I am in charge and if the seniors are there I am low man. Its quite lame. To be honest. So I've been getting in trouble because i haven't monitored over my underlings which I didn't know I was in charge in. Or my paper work hasn't been spot on. Because hey I am maning the counter while my Seniors sit in the back avoiding the front as much as possible. Great! Its lame. I am starting to hate my job and every day I loathe. I use to find some solace in my work and find some good but I find none. I got talked today because I wrote down on our tactical analysis

Problem Bad HD

Inform Bad HD

Perform Bad HD

I couldn't really work so I just put bad hd for everything because I can't really tell them anything else but I guess thats not good enough. Whatever. We are getting cracked down on because things are going less than stellar. I am working my ass off as usual, and i still haven't gotten my training in the back that they promised. It seems that this training is pretty bad. Oh well, just another semester of it. And summer...

Couples are starting to piss me off I hate them all. Haha, they are everywhere. I mean OMG. I'm probably just lonely and looking for somone to call my own except for this lack of attraction to the majority of girls. I'm quite sure I understand that at all. Eh I probably shouldn't look into it. Its also because I still have that strong attraction to Kirsten. Thats it I know it, and when that will fade I donno.

I'm stressing out pretty hardcore. Its a lot of things work school, interpersonal conflicts that have yet to resolve themselves. So lets start off with work.

I got in some trouble, not entirely my fault. As I received in adquate training and messed up a transaction. I got some scolding but mainly all the harsher measures that were going happen got stopped because hey I got poorly trained. As of right now I just don't feel the same zeal for work, while I never had a zeal for work I most certainly tolerated it more than I do now. Its the same crap day in and day out. I think the main problem is poor economy and slow business. We don't have much work to do there. When I work I want to stay active. I want to earn my money. If i don't feel like i am earning it then I feel weird and these last few days have been pretty bad. Hopefully it will pick up.

Finals are just around the corner and I always freak out during finals. I have a good grasp of all the concepts that I have been presented in all of my classes I just need to finalize some of the topics and get some of the finer detials I feel confident in the fact that I will get A's in both of my classes but along with that I just stress.

As far as me and Kirsten go still nothing. I run into her mom pretty regularly when I volenteer I try to ask questions but she will just change the subject to me. I donno why I don't get it. But iwth that I still have a lack of interest in dating. I just don't see myself with anyone anymore. I look at girls and they are just a girl nothing else. But I guess there is one exception. She is a girl I work with. I do like her and would probably pursue if it wasn't a work person and she has a bf. A road block. So I keep on hoping for things to work out between me and Kirsten to be honest. I figure I have nothing else to go on. If something presents its self I will follow that path but right now this path is just letting me focus on school and work.

Ever since I wrote this I have been thinking of her a lot. As to why? I donno, the odd thing is I haven't been thinking of memories of when we were dating but of when we met. We were high school friends. She saved me in chem class as my partner ditched me. And we got to know each other through that. It seemed we both had crushes on each other in high school but we both were to shy about it. She would always share her gold fish with me at lunch.haha, and I would walk her to class after I got out of GOVt and she got out of calculus. Ah the memories. It really does make me miss her.

I feel better. just writing

I had to work black friday, and it wasn't half bad. I got some good sales in there and I totally rocked all together. I got my numbers in and all that jazz. Kept my attachment up and all that. GO me.

Well, my brother left and thats kind of a bummer. It was fun, and it was nice to see his fiancee.

With black friday I was hoping to see Kirsten haha. Yeah my usual optimisim. But no luck. Oh well. I guess I just needed something to look forward to get me through the day. AS for with that whole problem, not much has changed, I still really want to just talk to her. Catch up and what not.  Anywho, I did talk to her mom at the hosipital. She I always ask about her, and she gives me a little and always switches the conversation over to me. Odd. Anyways. My sickness is almost done. I have had a slight cough, I can feel myself cough up crap its kind of gross.

So I've been sick for the past week. Been on and off work. Its been rather rough and un fun. Its just a minor sickness an annoyance more than anything. But I'd rather have it gone. Work has been tedious and agravating and I am stuck selling all day. I never get to work on computers. But anyways. I got a new CD Eluviete which has been amazing. My first step into Folk Metal. I love it.

I got The Last Remnant and I have barely got to play it. I've been to tired or down to play. I think I suffer from holiday depression. Haha probably not. Its been fun though, my brother and his fiancee came up to visit for two days. and it was a lot of fun they jsut left. He will be back later. Its cool to see them. Well, I'm gonna go lay down and play Last Remnant I might add more later.

Yea, its been a rough week but I did get a lot of snippets of good news and by snippets I mean big chunks of good news.

1. My friends mom has been going through an on going struggle with cancer. About 3-4 years now. Yeah its been rough on the family and everything. So with that, things had been getting worse. Low blood cell count, low platelet count. She was told she couldn;t do chemo anymore. But she over came and started chemo again. So she just got a CATscan and the Doctors told her that if the tumor keeps shrinking at the rate that its going she will be a canidate for surgery. WOoo.

2. My friend Y has had hard time fall upon her family and, her dad was considering going back to Vietnam. This went on for about 2 months. Plane tickets booked, and everything. Well I learned yesterday that they have reconciled there differences and all is going well. They had actually just visited her at college. And all went well. Usually the trips up to her college don't go so well. He is getting surgery, seems he has some nerve problems, but so hopefully that will all go over smoothly.

So Hoozah! I'm feeling better and this is a big boost as it does take some stress off. So I'm excited for whats just around the corner.

So things are going, relatively smoothly to say the least. Nothing major really going on. Its just a regular week, except for the fact I am brimming with optimism. yheah thats new. Perhaps its all coming back. I donno, I sure hope so. So I seems some small changes have over come me. Thats really nice. Work has been good. My sales have been fantastic. Which is awesome. So my manager really likes me. Hooray.

I got a busy schedule coming up. SO eh, that will be rough I think I can manage. With that, I think I'll see Kirsten while I am work. That makes me a little excited. I'm sure she will do some shopping there. hahaha, but if I don't oh well. Its just something to look forward to as a possbility. Just to say hello. It will either confirm or deny whats I've felt ya know.

Did a major F up at school but I'm pretty sure I have corrected. I skipped class a lot and didn't know when the test was so I went into it unprepared. Yeah, stupid of me. But I learned about what the next one was gonna be about.  and I rocked it I think, I knew all the answers so 'm pretty confident that I aced it. The other one wil lbe dropped. Because well, yeah. He drops lowest test grade and thats mine. So go with that. I should be good. 

I for one have always had the conception that companies do care about there fanbase. But more and more I see that they really don't. That they always screw over the early adopters of the system and reward those who wait better stuff. I have suffered this first hand many times, and its starting to get irratating for me.

 I purchased a GBA when it first came out. Yeah, I got to play some games early,  and it was cool but the lack of back lighting was a pain but I got through it somehow. Playing some games was a chore to get the screen to light up, and overall really hampered my experience. So the GBA SP comes out and what does nintendo offer me, other than a oh we made a crappy product here is one that fixes all the problems with it. Sorry people who bought the first product here please buy another one. WTF, I supported you even though you let out a product that had it flaws now you are telling me hey go buy another one if you want it be nice. No, they should be offereing something to me. A pay ment plan, send in your GBA with a reciept and we will send you an SP because hey you were a fan since day one and we care about you. That would be an idea situation, but sadly it would never happen.

Same with the 360, I got an early console and now they have better ones with HDMI, and parts that designed to run cooler and not crash. While MS hasn't been as big as an offender the option for me to trade in my xbox and get an HDMI would have been awesome, because I just in the market for a new monitor and I would have spent the extra cash on a nicer one but because MS doesn't care that I bought there  360 on the first day of realease.  (I  had RROD on me, they don't care.) Why, don't companies care about helping out the first following when the product comes out, why do I get the boot and the people who are skeptical about a product get all the rewards. Its because of me, the first purchaser that you are able to get this far why do I get shafted in every way possible? This is what doesn't make sense to me.

That fact that people gain access to games but ultimately in the long run will get an inferior product. Now thats not fair is it? The company thrives off of the intial base, if no one bought 360's they wouldn't have come this far, so why don't they give me a nice big thanks, we are making changes for a small fee we can upgrade you to this. Hey that would be nice could you please do that. Why do I get pushed aside so you can add on more bells and whistles to attract new people. While I get left alone and ultimately forgotten.

This is why I am a fan of pre order bonuses with games. Hey you want to take the risk and purchase this game on release day, here you get something other people don't, thank you for purchasing this game early on and supporting it from the start. Its like a thank you, and thats all I want. is a thank you for being an early supporter we don't forget about you and we want to help you as products get better. 

Well, the month of november will always be gamer hell, and let me tell you why. To many games come out in this month. I am sorry but fall sucks.  All the big titles come out and it just plain sucks.

Games purchased this month

Gears of War 2 (awesome btw)

Left 4 dead(pc)

The Last Remnant

Games I need to purchase

Dead space

Fable II 

Far Cry II

Yeah its a lot to buy, though those last three are low on my list, since I got two more games coming in and gow2 still needs a lot of play time. But with that, I did get some good deals. 10% off for L4D pre order not bad. GOt it paid off from steam. The Last Remnant is 20 dollars off from amazon for a pre order. GOt that for 44 dollars. So I saved money in the end but it was still expensive none the less. but I am excited.

It seems I go through two week cycles and near the end of that two weeks I hit rock bottom and start tripping out. I use this as a vent and it works out nicely. With that its just me having to release all my pent up emotion. I know bottling is bad but it seems to be what I'm doing.

So I got about around 10 o clock, I lookd at my clock and the power had gone out but I didn't notice sit said 11. So I hoppd out of bed thinking I gotta get ready for church. With that, I got there mid way through the sermon. It was a sermon of hope. heh, wasn't what I wanted or was looking for to be honest. I wanted a message that wouldn't give me hope at all but it was there. I was a little upset, but I soon got over it. Now the cycle continues I believe.Well with that I'm going to bed

Well, there isn't much variety in my life to be honest. I just kind of go through each day and I don't even really look forward to anything. But the same ol same ol. Work school there isn't much variety in my life. Around 4 o clock, I play games with my brother, and we just got gears. Its fun but anyways. I don't really have much to look forward to. Every night I lie awake for about an hour and think about life. I think about where I am going. I miss Kirsten so much. I pray for her every night. *sigh* I want to talk to her. But I can't. Most days I struggle to get out of bed, and I just sleep a lot. I have no drive to excel anymore. Is it because I am in a rut I donno. Going out with groups makes me just feel weird. So with that. I donno where to go. I look forward and I'm gaining back my optimism. But it seems I have just lost my interest in dating. Its just there. I look at girls but I just don't seem to care about it. I donno, all girls I have taken an interest in, either have bf's or something. There is always something blocking me. yeah it sucks, anywys I get to go to church tomorow for the first time in a long time. I'm excited for it.