senior year has been going by hella fast, but I'm pretty ok with that. I've noticed that I haven't blogged in such a long time, and I realize that almost nobody visits this page or reads this blog ever, but it kind of irks me that I haven't written anything in so long. since my last blog:

- I've been accepted to the School of Arts and Sciences as a film major at the University of Colorado at Boulder.

- I wen't to California (wewt) for a weekend. we visited Hollywood, Anaheim, and Long Beach. maybe my next blog will be chock full of pictures from there. 

- actually, now that I think about it, my next blog might be promoting my youtube account and the videos I've made since the one below THIS blog. 

- I finally picked up GRAW, I'm getting GHII on Tuesday, and I've reserved my Legendary Edition of Halo 3. holla.

- also, I finally got an Edge card from GS, as well as a subscription from Game Informer, although I prefer NP XBM.

- good news on my tax return- $250-ish dollars. whatever I save on top of that, my parents are willing to match (up to $600) and apply to a notebook for college. that's pretty damn exciting.

- graduation is coming up in about two months and I couldn't be more glad.

- I guess I might as well take this chance to plug my videos, so visit: http://www.youtube.com/ryanoxerous

 

to those of you who read this, thanks. until next time. 

here's a video on my youtube of what St. Louis and the Town Meeting on Tomorrow were like. enjoy.

click here to see it.

rye.

I have a turkey day icon and I can't figure out why.

Anywho, I've been doing a lot of Gears lately, but I got my Wii today, so it's gonna be Zelda for a while.

Man, I love that thing. That's all.

Just in case you're looking for me, I'll be in St. Louis the next few days. Back Wednesday.

rye.

I'm really bad at keeping this blog updated. What's new?

I've had a few days off from work and it's amazing.

Our marching band has learned the entire opener's drill, which is a long 21 sets for an opener, and it's coming together.

School starts on Tuesday I have:

First period: Off
Second period: Philosophy
Third period: Jewelry (first sem)/Racket sports (second sem)
Fourth period: Wind ensemble
Fifth period: Video production (first sem)/Bowling(second sem)
Sixth period: Lunch
Seventh period: Jazz ensemble
Eighth period: Off

I won a $100 cash reward at my National Council on Youth Leadership ceremony, the Jamie Harder Team Spirit Award, an all-expenses-paid trip for five days to St. Louis for a national conference, and a $10,000 scholarship to Washington University at St. Louis.

I'm ready for school to start and this has been the best summer of my life to date, considering there was a lot of crap that happened.

I'm currently anticipating said trip, Halloween, and next May for movies.

That's all.

rye.

Has proven interesting. I went in to work early, at 8, and got off at 2. Then I headed downton to DU, did my National Youth Leadership Conference interview, came back up to Northglenn, and went to Webster Lake for a barbeque, which moved to my friend's house, lol.

So my friend and I walked there, the party was lame, and then I guess they all went to my other friend's house...and I wasn't invited. Even though I consider them all my best friends. But I guess that's life.

I didn't go anywhere last night, so I spent the night cleaning my room. Throwing away junk and giving away a lot of clothes that don't fit and never wear, which is good, I guess. But tonight, a good portion of my friends are out of town (lucky them) and the others are occupied. Or simply not home.

So here I am, stuck thinking. I have a really good chance with a girl- she likes me, too. But she's not 'dating' right now. She said we'll see what happens, though, and I know she's sincere.

And while I thought that was going well, this other girl I know brings up the fact that she's been trying real hard to make something happen, and I used to like her...but we only ever saw each other during school and it hasn't worked out, our schedules, that is, to actually even just hang out. It's hard to take a chance with her when we hardly know each other..

And I haven't blogged in a while, so here one is. I'm contemplating watching Garden State or V for Vendetta. I'm still undecided. All this at mind with senior pictures, appointments, work, school starting, managing and saving money, getting a car, finding scholarships, and figuring out how I'm moving to Florida. I finally made my mind up about college- I'm going to Full Sail.

I think that's rambling enough.

Or just torn. Ripped and torn sounded cooler.

I'm really not sure which college I really want to go to. It'll be one of three. Full Sail is a college in Florida based around movie/music production, television, multimedia. All that cool stuff. They have labs and practice studios, so it's a really cool place. There's CU at Boulder, which is a decent, and much cheaper, college lifestyle since it's IN state. However, the performing arts is only a division of the college and I'm not sure how up to par it is. Compared to the other two, that is.

The third school I'm considering is UCLA for the fact that it's probably the best school for film- though I haven't really talked to anyone from their to compare it to Full Sail. Thing is, that's in California, so it's out of state. Plus, it's an expensive college in itself.

Money aside, I don't want to leave the family and friends I have here, but it may be something I have to do. And I'm really not sure how to settle any of this right now. All I can do for now is research.

And I guess I had to blog about this. Or something.

veryone's perception is a little off from time to time. Mine? It was ****** for a while.

But lately, things have cleared up, and I owe that all to my friends. Which is where I'd like to begin.

It's so overdone and cliche to say, but some friends are fake. Even if you've known them for years and even if you think you know them well. They are friends to othe people, and were you to see how they acted toward them, you just might be surprised. People are people...to other people. And damn, that sentence makes little sense and it makes a lot.

Concerning myself, I've always tried to be the same person all around- myself. Concerning others, they're different people to whom they choose and that bugs me. But when the fibers stretch and the quilt falls apart, you see them for who they are- regardless of who you want to see and regardless of how they want to be shown.

You see- it takes an act of disrespect or the slip of a tongue to reveal something. So sorry this turned into a stream of consciousness, but if I'm gonna get into things, I might as well get into all of it. But I digress...when these situations arise, it's gloves off.

I've lost a lot of friends lately. Some of them know it, and say we haven't. Some of them are completely oblivious to it, I know it, and I'm done.

By the by, I don't like mentioning names or specifics here- so I won't. After one of my best friends said I disrespected her and that we couldn't ever be best friends again, or, even at that time, friends, I tried so hard to make her want to be my friend again. 'Cause I love her like a friend. But she wanted to walk. And another friend of mine gave me some good, faith-based advice, and that was just to let the people who want to walk out of your life...

to just walk out. 'Cause they're going to do it and they weren't meant to be by your side forever.

Even though we both agreed to work on it, we haven't, and I think it's decided that we ignore what happened- at least to each other. And so, we're just 'friends.' Not quite acquaintances, but not quite the good friend, either. Once I accepted that, things changed.

Many people have walked out of my life, even though they're down the hallway. But I've had my eyes closed the entire time, and now that I look behind, I can literally see my past. If you're still reading this, you're pretty cool in my book.

We'll talk about the past later.

And when I say what I say now, only some of you are going to truly know. And that's ok. Everyone else- skim through it. I don't care. For a couple years, now, I've been somewhat confused about a lot of things. And it's only ever been mental. And that's why thinking has consumed me.

I'd get so pissed when I couldn't decide on something and when all I could ever say in response is, 'I'm still workin' on it,' I'd hate myself. And yes- there have been times that I lied and I'm sure as Hades not proud of it. But from now on- no lies. Ask me a question and I tell you the damned truth. It'll probably be blunt 'cause I have too much to say about it to begin with and you'll probalby just want the hard facts, but you'll still get them. If you're still reading at this point- ask away- I'm open to any questions.

So...the answer to all of the questions for those of you who've asked is simply that I'm not confused. I've spent some time thinking and I'm me.

Geez. I thought I'd have more to say by now. I think it's because I keep spacing out that I lose my choo-choo of thoughts.

Blah, blah, blah. I had to scroll back up by the way and this blog is pretty unorganized. Whatevs.

Here's the truth, I guess. I'm myself from now on. No more 'white lies,' no more doubting myself, no more confusing myself, no more self-pity, no more pretending I still have the friends that have walked, and no more feeling lonely. Right now, at the end of every day, I have myself.

But when I say that, I'm lying. I have a few friends (I've decided to no longer give an exact count) that I will know for the rest of my life. And that, even if at the end of the day, I'm dead, I'll still have them, 'cause I'll be in their hearts.

And here's the revalation, folks. All I want in life is those few close people. I'd love to have a lot of friends, and though I think I do, I just want to love and be loved by those whom I need, and as long as I have them, I'm content. The rest of the world? This is mostly my life goal, but I just want to hit them. No, not physically. I'm not that violent. But I want to impact their lives, teach them something. **** algebra and properly citing your sources- I want them to learn something about life. I want them to value it. I want them to value themselves and the ones they love.

I'm doing film in college. I should probably start studying film more than I am now, but I think I'm getting there quicker than I thought. I have a drive now; a motive. And damnit, that's gonna take me far. I'm not being conceited, I'm being honest.

So, hopefully, I can tell stories well enough and loud enough for people to realize. 'Cause you can only learn from your past if you look and analyze and all that other junk that's, in my opinion, pointless. If you have someone to show you, you can learn, and history is useless. So, by word of mouth, by reel of film, I hope I hit every one of you and your children someday.

What's new? Work. Man, they are giving me a lot of hours. So I can't complain. My first paycheck was nice- $270, and my next one should be about $400, so I'm excited for that.

I've saved about $140 for a 360. I'm going to trade in my old Xbox and some of the games that aren't compatible with the 360 to get a bit more money. So if I spend about $20 over the next couple of weeks, I'll be ok. Then I'll have like, $200. My next paycheck will easily cover the rest of it and I'll have an X360 by next Saturday.

As you can imagine, I'm stoaked.

That's about it, really. Other than working, I'm just hanging out with my friends, doing stuff online, playing games, or practicing my trumpet.

I'm just a little tired, though. Hope you're all well.

rye.

This is mostly just a rant about what I think/suspect about Halo 3.

First of all, the trailer is amazing, but there's more to it than meets the eye as IGN's video introspection told. Also, Bungie, today, released their documentary of the making of the trailer and they showed several different angles, especially one that included a Grunt on a yellow sign blowing in the African wind, as if military groups had been there and put up warning signs. Which, I guess brings me to my first point.

The game is real. Bungie's engine is capable. They're going to try as hard aspossible to make the in-game look like the cutscenes we saw in the trailer andif they fall anything short of that, we should be thankful. The Grunt sign addsrealism to the game, but that's about as much as needed. Maybe a gun jamming, like plasmas overheating, would be a bit extreme. I think there's agood balance in this game.

The grandeur of it all is that it's the last in the trilogy, so as the Chief, we're going to get to bring down a lot of enemies and end a lot of fights. That itself is going to be cool. Plus, the second ending sucked. Hard, but the scene after the credits was pretty intriguing.

IGN helped me out on this one, but it makes sense. In the background of a scene, it was confirmed that Mt. Kilimanjaro was present, as Egypt, Africa is a stronghold for Earth in the future. There's a track on the Halo 2 Volme 2 soundtrack named, 'Road to Voy' which is a city near Mombasa, which is a city near the equator. There are eight human worlds in the Haloverse and I Earth most definitely has a Halo in it- right at the equator. Which explians Master Chief walking toward this huge piece of Forerunner technology and all the amassing ships. Depending on when this happens in the game, the activation of Earth's ring, or at least an attempt, will probably destory Earth, dually destroying the Chief...which just won't happen. OR it will be deactivated or not work and the game may not take place on Earth- maybe it'll be at the location of a fourth Halo. If this happens toward the end of the game, then you've worked your way here and it will be pretty sweet, rest assured.

Here's everything I have to say about Cortana and how it unravels a lot of...stuff.

This is enclosed in the first Cortana Letter from 1999:

I have seen your future.
And I have learned.

There will be no more Sadness. No more Anger. No more Envy.

I HAVE WON.

Oh, and your poet Eliot had it all wrong: THIS is the way the world ends.

---

At the end of the trailer, Cortana speaks those words. 'THIS is the way the world ends.' It is noted, then, that her race 'X' survived the previous race in the galaxy. Which means her race was extinguished and she, somehow, survived to find Master Chief- a Spartan among the human race, the human generation.

Also, the first transmission read [I was there with the Angel at the tomb]. Which means Cortana was present to see the Angel, the creator who wears the Halo, use it. The tomb? It's graveyard. Perhaps there once existed one more Halo than anyone ever though and it killed it's creator- a Forerunner. This goes one of two ways- the Angel is simply one Angel or the Angel is the Forerunners themselves among the generation that preceded race 'X.' Which means that Cortana is her own entity who has survived time. Damn this woman- she's so confusing.

So, she says she has learned, she has been there, and she has experienced everything. So she can help Master Chief. Maybe she's the Chief's savior, as well as everyone elses. Sounds right?

Half-right.

At the end of Halo 2, Cortana was left behind in High Charity to denotate the In Amber Clad's generator, destroy the city and the ring to keep Tartarus from activating it. It was her part in the mission while the Chief's was to stop Tartarus himself. But MC headed to Earth soon after, leaving Cortana to be confronted by Gravemind, which I believe to be a spokesperson for the Flood.

The transmission in the trailer is very skewed and distorted. You can immediately tell that it's Cortana, but it's extremely glitchy and disrupted. Why? Gravemind has her. Big deal. BIG deal. Maybe Cortana did belong to race X, maybe she didn't. Maybe she's simply a program. And maybe, maybe, the Gravemind is every word in Cortana's Letters. He says he has listened for many years, and now it his time to talk. Sounds like an Ent to me. Anywho, maybe this is him talking.

But the Cortana Letters were sent in 1999. So? Halo begins in 2552. And the story takes place in the future, but we're playing it now. The thing is, they are transmissions from Cortana, but we're never sure that it's her. I think Gravemind is speaking. He saw the Forerunner's die because he was created along with the Halos, as an antidote. He's been here the entire time, as has the Flood. So, if there's a Flood antitode within every Halo, then there's definitely one on Earth. The world he speaks of, through Cortana, to the Chief, is Earth. Not to say the Flood will wipe them out, but if he knows, then he knows. Earth won't last. Maybe. Maybe he just knows how it's supposed to end and this Spartan is just too strong for fate. Even though that starts to sound like Neo's 'Because I'm the One' excuse.

So there are several possibilities, but some of them are bound to show up in the game. Plus, in the documentary, they show a light come from out of the ground, same as some of the Forerunner ships from the previous installments. So, without a doubt, there is a Halo on Earth and it could very easily. kill. us. all. In the hypothetical game environment.

So there's that little bit. Plus, I'm pretty confident this game is still coming out in November, since both console launches and the first two games in the series have been November dates, it would be ridiculous not to follow through with tradition. And if they do, NEXT November is way too far away. If they want to combat the PS3 and the Wii/Twilight Princess, they have to get on the ball. The game looks great so far, and I don't want them to rush it, but they are the one's who said 'It'll ship when it's done.'

Yeah? Well now they know the PS3 launch date.