Gerliii says (13:25):
ma olevat mingi hull armuvalus eit
Triin says (13:25):
eehh..kes ütles
Gerliii says (13:25):
Hanna :D
Gerliii says (13:30):
millal ma selle kataloogi saan
Gerliii says (13:39):
nu sa ei vasta, järelikult küsitled ja pildistad mehi
Triin says (13:40):
:Dhih..ei teen tööd
Triin says (14:07):
ma ei tea meil siin vabu mehi polegi eriti vist
Gerliii says (14:07):
näh
Triin says (14:09):
kle sul ei olegi vaja mehi juurde praegu..sul on üks kelle järgi sina armuvalus oled ja teine kes sinu järgi armuvalus on..
Gerliii says (14:11):
kle 3 on minu järgi armuvalus :D

Do you even know who you are?

I wanted to be a star.

Esiteks, inglise keele suuline eksam läks aia taha. Nii hull viha oli peale seda sees, aga ok tänaseks olen sellest üle saanud, et sain 20st 17punkti. Peale seda asja kodus kuulasin Dj Stony vaiba kloppimise muusikat.Õudne.
Aga uus šokk tuli peale - matemaatika eksam. No seda ma ei osanud üldse. Loodan, et saan 20 punkti. Kui ma läbi kukun, siis poon end küll üles. Tegelikult mul endal suva, no juhtub, mis juhtub, aga see on suur mats teistele. Siis ei jõuaks seda vingumist Õie ja muude tegelaste poolt ära kuulata. Ja ainus asi mis mulle haiget teeks oleks see, et vedasin isa alt .Ta nii palju raha mu üüride ja asjade peale kulutanud ja mnjah, siis veaksin teda küll alt.

Igatahes, ma ikkagi mõtlen, minuga on juhtunud asju, kus ma oleks võinud surma saada, aga miks ma ellu jäin?
Ükspäev ma alles soovisin, et tookord kui mul kogemata veenid läbi lõigati kurja zileti poolt, siis ma oleks pidanud verest tühjaks jooksma ja kõik oleks praegu teisiti. Tegelt päris palju asju on , mida oleks pidanud teisiti tegema, aga no minevikku ei saa enam muuta,muuta saab vaid tulevikku, tegelikult seda ka ei saa muuta. Oliver ütles: "Ära karda seda, mida sa muuta ei saa" See oli mate eksami kohta öeldud. Muuta saab ainult seda, et... ei ..tegelikult läheb kõik oma radapidi. Ja mul on olnud õnnelik elu - kokkuvõttes. Väikesed õnnetud nüansid ei lähe arvesse, neid on kõigil. Aga mina ise hakkan nõrgenema, ma pole enam see, kes ma olin - enese- ja sihikindel.

It's my birthday today.

So, tomorrow is an exam. English. I feel very uncomfortable and insecure. I don't want it anymore. I am afraid. I did some exercises and they didn't went well. I even don't know what should I learn. I don't know anything.

Well, I know that I should go to work, but where?? And then I should find a nice, cheap and little apartment. That means I should have a job where my salary is BIG !!

The other thing I know is I should try to go to school, but where? I would like to study aeronautics and become a pilot, but it's in Tartu and I hate that town. Also there are needed high maths and physics. I am not good at physics. Maybe I wont pass the physical and psychological test. So I am not going there, at least not that year.
Then being an optician seems to be interesting too, but then I have to cut my nails and I don't like that. Also there are several things together that I like - communication, design, beeing useful.
Then maybe it is useful to study economy. But it is going to cost a lot, well ...too much.
What about being an accountant (book-keeper) ? Maybe sudying it would be hard, but I don't know. I am going to try this one if I will get the free place to study.
But I like salon management and beeing a nailartist or makeup artist. I would like to open my own salon one day, but I don't know if it's going to be successful, because look around- Salons are in every corner of the town. And I have always thought that only those who are not capable of going to college or university are going to study hairdressing and that stuff..

I don't know exactly what I want and money is problem.
I hate saying that!
But wait...I know what I want.. I want a job where I can wear pretty clothes and be beautiful:D

Nii, kirjand on kirjutatud ja hing on rahul. Ainult, et see laupäev on juba inglise keele eksam ja siis pisukese aja pärast matemaatika, see kõige hirmsam asi:D.

Aga esmaspäeval oli tutipidu. Everything went just fine:) Ainult, et ma olin läbimärg ja tilkusin-lõdisesin õues. Ei no tore vaffa päev oli, ainult et oleks võinud soojem olla.

Täna oli siis pidulik lõpukell, kahju ainult et mõni meie abiturient ei saa aru , et PIDULIK. AGa noh eks see näita nende "arukuse" taset. AGa muide mul polnud sobiliku värviga kingi:D Ja siis mu käel on pirakas sinikas ja mu kõrv on nii lukus, et ei kuule. Vastiiik. Igatahes väga kena hommik oli. very pissed off:D

Siis matemaatika proovieksami tulemus on selline halb, aga mulle omane:D 39punkti. II osa ma ei osanud ja sain selle eest 8 punkti 50st. Very cool nah.

Näpistan praegu pisut oma kallist ajast ja ...

Niisiis, homme peab hakkama kirjandit kirjutama. Selle aastaga olen tohutult arenenud. Lausa uskumatu. Aga varsti pean korraks Gutmani juurde jooksma. Igatahes wish me luck:D Ja peale seda ma nagu ei oskagi kuidagi midagi mismoodi end ette valmistada. Mida ma tegema peaks? Närvis ma ei ole, tuleb, mis tuleb, saagu, mis saab. Maailma lõpp pole käes:D

Hommikul üritasin Ivo tellitud laulule edasi sõnu kirjutada. Eriti nagu midagi ei tulnud välja. Refrään on olemas, aga see ei meeldi talle. Ja lihtsalt mõte edasi ei liigu. Midagi pole juhtunud ka, mis ajaks liikuma. Või siis mul on palju mõtteid, aga ma ei oska panna neid sinna refrääni ja viisi konteksti. Igatahes tähtaeg varsti kukub ja ma olen omadega sassis. Aga küll ma kas või viimasel hetkel millegi heaga välja tulen:D

15.mai on luuletuste tähtaeg. "Luulekevad" võistlus on alanud! Ma ei teagi, mis luuletusi sinna saata. Ma polegi viimasel ajal enam tõsiselt kirjutanud, pole kas aega või tahtmist, aga mõtteid on tohutult palju, ainult, et nad on peas kinni. Mitte midagi ei voola paberile, lihtsalt nad ei oska välja tulla:D Aga küll nad kunagi ikka tulevad.

Yesterday - it was Friday.
I was at school for two lessons, so I got home early. I realized that I have nothing to do and I felt kinda lonely. Then I decided to go to the solarium. After that I slept about a hour and went to the Hiiu Beerhouse. I was talking to Liis. After that I got home and did nothing. Actually I thought about the latest things, which has eaten me inside. Like M and Triin and Lewuz. M is avoiding me, Triin is somewhere with his boyfriend Marti and I am sitting here f.. all alone, day by day. If I felt lonely in the past, then now I feel double lonely. Just great, isn't it?:D Well, I talk to Janek in MSN. Lately very often, because he has nothing else to do in the army:D. Guess who is Janek... Triin's ex boyfriend.

Today - It is Saturday.
I woke up. Lewuz went to Kunda. Actually he is moving out soon. I wanted it..but now..I don't want. So I am alone ..again. like it was a news:D.haha.. So I thought maybe it is the right thing to do- to make myself more beautiful and I went to library. It was very sunny today. I took Kaur Kender's "Check out". Nice and wierd book. Full of sex and drugs. So I thought maybe I should call to Ivo and ask him out. He was drinking and couldn't drive. Sorry, but he promised to call me tomorrow. I'll just wait. Then I talked to Viivika and went to bed and then I went to the cinema with Ummi:). Last I saw him in autumn, I guess. We watched "The ruins". It is a horror movie, but it wasn't so scary at all. It was very similar to "Turistas". After that we went to eat and then I got home. I thought I was going to have a day with myself in my bed, but fortunately I had a funny day. But now it is the evening or night and I am thinking about M. Today was that Streetrace in Haapsalu. Everybody went there. M was racing. I feel a will to call him and ask how did it went or what happened, but it is not ethical, polite or dignified. Yes dignified is the right word. And Triin went there with Marti and I don't think that M went alone. So taking me with them was too much.
I wish that I could just forget everything what happened...but I can't. It is so hurtful.. that I was happy, I was pleased with myself and them and just one day he throws me away.

Since the end of march til the start of april happened things...that made me happy. Maybe it was too much things together and I didn't know how to keep them, guess that's why now everything what happened is gone. Actually I get to know that people are happy when they want some moment to be last longer and longer and longer. Exactly the same I wanted when I was with THAT GUY. Let's call him M. I guess he was too good to be real. Actually he likes my friend Triin. Well I started to like him, a bit far too much. He even avoided me for a while until I called and asked what's going on. So... he doesn't want me.

I just have to forget about him.

On friday I was in ambulance with Lewuz. He had some trouble and someday he has to go to the operation. :(
I am still in serious financial problems. Nothing new.
On tuesday I have a tryal exam in maths:S I don't want it, I am so afraid of it. I afraid it more than the real exam, which is in May.
Wish me luck!

Riia moenädal.
Uus mood on siis selline:)

Kevad algas 20. märtsil kell 7.49 ja vollaaaa täna on 23. märts ja LUMI ON MAAS. Saate aru, lumi, see valge jõle külm asi, mida ma vihkan. Nõme, õudne, lausa kohutav ja targöödiline.
... mu hammastevalu läheb järjest piinavamaks. Nüüd ma lürbingi ainult jogurtit, sest seda ma ei pea närima. Muidu on eriti valus. Enne sõin praevorsti, tundus nagu mul lihtsalt löterdaks see vorst suus ringi ja ma lutsiksin seda ja siis neelan pool tervelt alla. Vastik.

Ja ma lugesin eile Emil Tode "Piiririik", täna pean selle läbi saama, ma pean end sundima lugema, aga tegelt kui end sundida, sisi ei saa mõhkugi aru, mis seal kirjas on. See on imelik raamat, ses suhtes, et autoriks on ju mees, aga ta elab koos mehega ja suudleb meestega, aga otseselt et ta homo oleks, seda pole nagu kirjas. Ja suht raske lapsepõlv oli tal ka. Tegelt mõtleb, ta pisut minuga ühtemoodi. Aga seal oli üks tark asi kirjas:D. Tegelt mitmeid, kuid seda, et inimesed on hästi riietatud, Versacesse, no igaüks ikka ei ole, siis nad ei pruugi osata seda välja kandagi, nad ei pruugi näha välja üdse sellised, kellele oleks omased Versace riided, aga nad kannavad neid, sest vaatepilt on tähtis. Ja nad tunnevad end nii uhketena neis nagu hõljuks taevas.
Võib-olla sarnaselt tundsin mina end neljapäeva öösel, eputamas oma uute hiigelkallite texadega.

Ma tundsin end lihtsalt ülihästi.

Kui teised söövitavad oma magu alkoholiga, siis mina teen seda valuvaigistitega.