After 한글 학교 ended, Gina's mother drove me and Gina to Bay Terrace. It was a rainy and slightlyhumid day.

We first ate pizza. After we ate, I gave her showed her the Twilight Princess drawing. Oh, and at 한글 학교, Gina gave me yet another letter - I'll get back to that later. Gina really liked the drawing, but I had to hold on to it because her bag was too small to hold the drawing. Luckily, I put the drawing in Xerox. :lol:

We left for Gina to get my new crucifix necklace. She went to Claire's to get one. When she bought it, she made me all nervous by saying things like "How is this for guys?" and "Yeah, I'm only trying to get you nervous". She kept giving quick glances of the necklace, too.

Wedecided to goto the movie theater. I think the theater was called Loews or something similar to that. We can't and couldn't watch any R rated movies, so we chose two of the PG-13 movies: Balls of Fury and a movie based on the songs of the Beatles - both of which we knew nothing of. We decided on Balls of Fury. Apparently, the movie dealt with professional ping pong playing. Gina and I came really early, so nobody was there. Gina showed me the necklace there. The necklace isn't that bad. It's just that it looks too "blingin'"; the crucifix is meant to show that I am very faithful in God - not to make a fashion statement. Either way, the necklace was good, and I'll treat with extra care - the crucifix is my personal holy relic as well asmy belated birthdaygift that Gina got me.

During the movie, Gina got cold. Even though she had my outer shirt thing due to the rain outside, she was still cold. So I told her to come closer and I warpped my arm around her. As the movie progressed, Gina and I started holding hands. Her hands are chubby. :lol: I think she tried to kiss me on the cheek, too. I asked her, "What was that?", but then she got embarassed and turned around saying "Oh, nothing." I gave her a kiss on the cheek in return.

From there, we went to the park/ started loitering. I gave her the $35 scrunchie that Mom bought in Korea. I would later find out that I didn't give Gina her birthday card... :? Anyway, Gina really liked it and wore it around since then.

After reading for some time in Barnes & Noble, it was time to go to Saturday service. Saturday service was small, but it was alright. We all prayed for our schools and communities, our friends who are not Christian, those who actually fight to be the solution to a problem,and our own problems.

I guess from tomorrow, I'm going to start practicing the praise songs. I talked to Arreum while we all ate Pizza Hut pizza (yes, pizza again) aboutmy recruitment topraise team. Since I don't know much praise songs, I asked Arreum to give me a CD with the praise songs. Hopefully, she would be giving me the CD at service on Sunday. I will practice the praise songs starting tomorrow if this is so.

Big day. Enjoyed it.

Yeah, well Gina and I are no longer together.

Gina feels that she isn't ready and isn't committed to me - the sameas I went through with Jennifer. Gina asked me if I would wait for her and I said yes. Yet after she called me and cried as she talked about us, we went back to chatting on AIM. After the whole conversation, I guess she started to feel better. Near the end of our conversation, she started to chat with her friends - in such a sense as if she was trying to ignore me. I had to go to 태권도, so I had to end our conversation. But when I told her I was going to go, all I got from her was "ok". She didn't even say "bye 오빠" or anything when I said bye.

Gina is not on AIM. She hasn't been onlinefor the entire time. I don't know if she's doing something important, if she's somewhere with her family or with her friends, or just totally avoiding me until we HAVE to meet at 한글 학교.

I really don't know what is going on lately.

Gina and I started talking on AIM on Monday. We passed notes to each other about things like our AIM SN during 한글 학교. We'll be celebrating our birthdays belatedly on the 22nd of September.

:lol: She's so cute though. I also found out that her Korean name is 지원 when Mom was looking for her and her mother in the church's "address book".

I don't really know what to say. :lol: We have qualities that we share in common with each other like strong Korean nationality. I hope I'm not boring her though. I seriously doubt that she will like me for too long... It's like I'm already boring her on AIM and on the phone. Whether this is true or not, I don't think I'll know... I know I like her, but whenever I try to think more deeper into that, these feelings almost quiver; I can't get a strong grasp on how I feel about her. I guess it jsut needs more time. Then again, the deeper I think into this; the more I anticipate that my feelings for her will get bigger over time, it makes the future that much more uncertain. But I get a feeling that I will like her more and more as time goes by.

Gina and I are a couple. However, I wasn't exactly sure as to when this came to pass... So I asked her, and she says it's on the 17th.

She's already said that she loves me. :lol: I honestly think it's too early to tell her that I love her. I guess it's because she's young. I won't understand how the younger generations think. When the time comes - when the perfect moment comes, I will tell her how I feel truely about her.

AIM isn't really that great. I'm not getting the full feeling of our conversation through AIM. Talking on the phone brings back the feeling, but only slightly... I just have to see her again. I have to see her more often - much more often. Only then will my feelings for her be aboslutely verified and will my feelings for her grow. The only chance when I get to spend more time with her is through retreats.

As I said before, I don't know if Gina will like me for long - LOVE by the looks of it now. I'm a worthless moron; no one will ever be right... Christine loved me, but she wasn't a great girlfriend. Gina says the same, but I doubt she will stay for too long.

Only time will truely evoke my feelings for her; only time will rectify my doubts; only time will tell...

I have decided to join the praise team. But like last week, I did not know whom to talk to about joining the praise team. That was when영 전도산님 showed up. I met him while going up from the basement with Jonathan. He asked me if I wanted to join praise team, and I responded with a "Yes". However, he told me that the acceptance for new members was put on hold. Though I got a little disappointed,영 전도산님 told me that he would go ask the teachers about me joining the praise team, and that he would contact me through my cell phone as soon as he gets news. Well that gave me hope again. I actually can't wait to go to church AGAIN.

Oh, that reminds me. I will be attending 한글 학교 every Saturday at LCPC. The class goes from 9 to 12 PM. But when Jonathan, Jenna and I went, it was pretty much short worship for the first hour or so. I saw 2 familiar faces, too: Gina and Susan. We all took a test to see how much of Korean we know, so we can be separated into different classes according to how much Korean we know. Jonathan and Susan did the "worst" and were separated from me, Gina and three other girls: Hannah (8th grader), Eunice (7th grader?), and Esther (6th grader). We all supposedly did well, but still had room for improvement. Hannah did the best though; she almost completed the entire test while everyone else didn't finish. 한글 학교 was actually really great.

I'm also thinking about attending Saturday service, too. But then again, it's a Saturday. Saturdays are the days off, as well as spending time with Christine. But I guess that once I join praise team, I guess I have to attend Saturday service. But as always, everyone has a choice.

As for school, the day actually sped by quickly. I guess this is so because of the 3 hour periods spent at Seed. I hope this week speeds by. I really want Sunday to come.

태권도 was great, too. Jonathan, Jenna and I are going to start going more. Though Eric didn't "rip us up" as he did a couple of months ago, it was still great. Jonathan and I learned the"Clothes Techniques". I still remember the first three. There is a 태권도 tournament on October 6, but that's when I'm taking the SAT II. I wish I could go but... It's too late now.

Well that's that. Library work on Tuesdays and Thursdays (probably Fridays as well), 태권도 on Mondays and Wednesdays, and 한글 학교 on Saturdays. While listening to Happy Birthday to Me by 불독맨션, my cousins came up to my mind. I really miss them... I seriously hope to go back to Korea and see my cousins again. They'll be 2 years older than the last time I saw them. The future really does evoke many questions...

MAN! I haven't updated for HOW LONG NOW??? I guess it's time to start updating again. Well, I'll keep this REALLY short.

I got into a fight with a sp !k. Christine and I were at Press Start playing games. Christine started to feel cold, so she went outside to warm up. I saw her on I.S. 73's block. Then she thought that these sp !k kids (the same that made fun of the Asian descent) called us idiots. She snapped and ran after them. These kids claimed that they weren't insulting us, but they were insulting each other. Either way, this one short light-skinned sp!k insulted our nationality, so then I got really pissed. I walked after that kid - who was riding a bike - into the school's yard. I pushed him down and told him to apologize. When Christine and I were heading back, the chubby dark-skinned sp !k called someone on his cell phone. That kid called the light-skinned sp !k's old brother. That's when I got into my first fight. I got hurt with a busted lip, tooth pain, pain on my abdomen, and a laceration on my left elbow.

There were two adults in their 40's or so. We had a little talk and then called the police. Then I was sent to the Elmhurst hospital, with Christine driven home by the cops. All this stuff happened and such... I healed up completely after several weeks; my elbow taking the longest.

I started to attend a new church three weeks ago called the Love of Christ Presbyterian Church. Though Jonathan and I were new, some people greeted us affably. They are all very kind actually. However, Jonathan, Jenna and I kept to ourselves. During our second week at LCPC, Young 전도산님 figured out that I was a guitarist because of my habit of playing air-guitar along with the songs I listen to on my mp3.

On the third week, Jenna and I set out for out first LCPC retreat. Nervous at first, Jenna and I soon blend in to our new church - or at least Jenna did. During my four-day-three-night stay, I became friendly with many people of the LCPC youth group. Soon enough, I made friends with Diana, Sang Jin, Zach, and Gina. Even though I supposedly made friends, I was left out most of the time. Diana told me that it's more like I CHOOSE to be alone. I think she's right...

The 전고산님 for our retreat was Mr. Kenneth Chun. He is a very funny and enthusiastic person. I actually stayed awake during all of his sermons and actually listened to every word he said. I also got into a very intimate moment of prayer with God that actually ended up in me crying in some of my prayers; I have never cried like that while praying EVER in my entire life.

I have to say, one of my most favorite moments at the retreat was PAINTBALL. :lol: It was SO fun. Actually, the whole scenery that ranges from the sounds of everyone's guns to the environment to the strategies to movement, it actually felt like war. Everyone was split evenly into two groups: white-banded and non-banded. I was put with the white bands. The most painful shots are the ones that hit you, but fail to hit and bounce off. Those shots really sting.

During the first round, Sang Jin and I were comrades and stuck together. That was when I survived my first hit: getting hit on my right forearm. I don't remember the chronological order of what exactly happened, but this happened near my demise of ammo shortage. :? While I took cover behind a small wooden fence, I took out an enemy with whom I was exchanging shots with. After I took that person out with a funny shot that curved, I got into close fire with another person. I remember saying behind my mask, "Oh crap!". The person was charging at me while I fell on the ground firing at that person. I actually ended up shooting this person. Judging from HIS voice after HE said "Thanks a lot, John", I figured that this person was a guy and that he also knew me. Another moment in which I remember was when we were all playing Protect the Hill. My team's mission was to charge up the hill and touch the flag at the top, whereas the enemies' mission was to stop us. When I flanked to the right, found cover, and looked around for the enemy, I got shot IN THE HEAD RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES. I went back to "camp" where the people who weren't playing and said "What are the chances...?". Eventually, I ran out of ammo near the end of this event.

Oh and to note, the entire praise team found out that I could play guitar, and that they wanted me in their praise team. I pondered about that and came up with these reasons:

Yes: I can do something I enjoy doing; I'm praising God
No: it's dubious that everyone else even wants me there besides the praise team; I don't have much friends; I might screw up BADLY; I might disappoint the praise team; nobody can hear me (after hearing Gus play his part in his songs); I won't have as many parts and won't be as active as I should in the praise team; people might think of this as some cry for attention when it isn't

So I don't know... but I'm thinking about actually signing up for the praise team.

The youth group also had to make a skit based on the retreat's theme of conquest. Almost instantly, I thought of the fight I had. It was also a perfect fit because my own experience involves conquering myself, myfears, past, present, and future. The rolesdistributedwere me as the main character, Sang Jin as the "bad" friend, Zach as the "good" friend, Brian as the BYRD GANG leader, Peter and Gus as Brian's "henchmen", and Suah as Brian's mother and Ulrica as Peter and Gus's mother.

Scene 1
Zach shows me around school since I'm the new kid. After he shows me where to go to my next seminar, he tells me to "take care" and we part ways.

Scene 2
Brian, as the leader of the BYRD GANG, calls for his "henchmen" Peter and Gus. "Yo, where are they?"Peter and Gus run to Brian and bow before him. Brian smacks them on their heads and says"You're late". Gus apologizes and tells Brian that there was a new kid in school. I walk in the scene and walk past them. Brian says that I just walked trough their territory to Gusandthat heshould confront me. Gus stops me and asks me who I was. Then he says that this was their territory, but I respond by saying "How was I supposed to know? I was just minding my own business." After Gus says, "Oh, you think you're all tough now?" Brian pushes Gus aside and says, "Yo, you don't treat my boy like that." I respond by saying, "Why? I can talk with whoever I want." Brian gets agitated and pushes me, which results in me pushing him back. Brian sends Peter after me, but I push Peter aside. Then Gus throws me down on the floor from behind, and they all start kicking me. Then Brian says, "Yeah, that's right. You don't mess with... THE BYRD GANG." They all leavewith bird imitations. Since I got jumped, I get mad, but I sit down and think.

Scene 3
Zach finds me and asks what happens after seeing my imaginary bruises. I told him that I got jumped by three kids: one chubby one (Brian) and two skinny ones (Peter and Gus). Zach was worried that I might consider getting revenge to which I said I would. Zach advised against that and told me to just go to my next seminar (Gamespot won't let me use the word c.l.a.s.s. probably because of some bunch of idiots and their damned slang). After Zach walks off, I said "Ahh, forget him. I'm just gonna go to my other friend".

Scene 4
I meet with Sang Jin who is supposedly a good fighter as well as a corrupt person. I told him what happened and asked him to train me to which he agreed upon with no hesitation. While we pretended to fight, Ulrica comes up and narrates. She says that Sang Jin and I start training together and such. After she finished, I used Sang Jin's punch trick that made it sound as if I actually punched him. Sang Jin admits that I got a lot better and encourages me that I should fight those kids again.

Scene 5
Brian, Peter and Gus are gambling with 20 dollars, a piece of candy and 1 dollar respectively. I walk in on them with a very confident and angry posture. Peter gathers their things as Brian and Gus start to act tough. Brian says, "Oh, it's you again. You wanna get sent to the hospital?" while Gus says, "You wanna go for round TWO?".I respond with an angry "No, YOU'RE the one whose gonna be sent to the hospital" and threw a punch, knocking Brian down. Gus charges at me, but I knock him down with a punch and a roundhouse kick. Then I threw three punches at Brian, knocking him down. Peter looks down and slowly looks up at me with a frightened look. I feint an attack and said "What are YOU lookin' at?". Peter collapses on the floor. Brian says "This kid's too much. Run!" As they run away, I yell back "Yeah, you better run! HAHAHA!"

Scene 6
Ulrica narrates once again. She says that after the fight, I get addicted to fighting. As she finishes, I am practicing my punches and kicks. Then I turn around to find Zach right behind me. Zach says that he is disappointed in me and that I'm corrupting myself. I fight back by telling him that beating up kids feels really good. Zach tells me once again that I shouldn't do this and puts his hand on my shoulder. I become hostile. I push his hand off and punch him in the face. I continue to beat him while he is on the ground. Then I find and grab a nearby chair. As my strike almost hits him, the scene ends.

Scene 7
The whole thing was actually a mental rehearsal. I am back on that chair thinking. I stand up, shocked at what would happen ifI were toget my revenge. While I was shocked atwhat might have happened, Zach finds me. Happy to see my friend, I give Zach a hug. Zach gets shocked and asked me what happened. I told him that I got jumped by three kids, but that getting revenge on them isn't the right thing to do; there are many other larger and more important things in life to worry about than wanting revenge. Even though I want revenge, I should do the right thing and move on. Zach approves of what I saidand we start to walk off. Then I say "But what if they --", but Zach quickly tells me not to worry about it and that with his "love and care", everything would be okay. And yes, the youth group laughed at this. :lol: Brian and his gang find me again and decide to fight me again. But then Zach steps forward and tries to defend me. But Brian threw a punch at Zach and knocked him down. I quickly turn to Zach to protect him. Then Brian SLOWLY says "ATTACK. HIM." as he learned to do in rehearsal because of Suah and Ulrica's damned A.D.D. Suah and Ulrica shouts at them in Korean like all mothers do to their kids. Brian, Peter and Gus get scared and they quickly show their respect to their mothers. Suah and Ulrica get angry at their kids, they smack their kids' heads, and they drag their kids off by their ears. I help Zach get back on his feet and ask if he is alright. Zach tells me that he had been praying for me because he knew something bad would happen to me. Then I think that Zach says that he'll always be there. Then we give each other BFF hugs and the story ends.

Anyway, to summarize this all up, I moved on from the fight and I really like my new church. Having new friends and deepening my relationship with God, I'm actually looking forward to going back to church. I hope that I can start conversations with my new friends...

Dear Hubbie My Life's Importance,

I Love you and well i miss you alot,=] and will be seeing you tomorrow and i dont know when you will notice when i posted this but i hope you notice soon. I love you and will be forever with you and i felt that i would like to write this out so everytime you feel i dont love you.you can come here =] and read all my I love yous.i miss you so much =] cant wait to see you tomorrow and i feel my days always get better with you around,you're the light that shines on my life and makes my pain go away.you're always there for me,always here to help.you're special,you're the only one who can cheer me up and feel better and smile.no one has ever dont that except for you and the day you stopped by my house just to wave....i felt so much love....so romantic i mean...it shows so much how you love me and i love you so much when you're not with me everything seems bright when i know i will see you but when you're here with me i feel so happy like i could fly through the air and i'm in a different world i love you so and remember that ks? i love you FETA forever together always my love my hub my husband =]

Christine =] (soon to be your wife i hope so)

I LOVE YOU, CHRISTINE!!! :lol::lol::lol::D:D:D

I went on a family vacation with the family obviously. It was on Friday, June 29. Here's a little update.

On Friday, we pretty much just unpacked everything and tried to get cofortable. The motel or hotel (whatever you call it) had a very WHITE feeling to it. I slept in a room alone while Jonathan, Jenna, Mom and Dad slept in the living room. Oh, and not to mention, the bathroom was small. I didn't really get comfortable with it.

On Saturday, we all went out to ride on jetskis. Mom didn't want to ride a jetski because she had a thing with riding on water. Anyhow, Jonathan and I were teamed up, and Dad and Jenna were teamed up. It was rather frightening riding the jetski at first, but I got the hang of it. Oh, and I drove the jetski while Jonathan just hung on. I should've given him a chance. I feel bad... I'll give you a chance for everything, Jonathan. I'm sorry... One of my smartarse moves that I will make later on in life... Anyway, Jonathan started to get seasick, and Jenna was had enough I guess. That's when Dad and I went on fast speeds with the jetski. We used up the remaining hour riding on the jetski by ourselves. After we were done, we had salt on our faces, arms and legs. Afterwards, we went to some restaurant along the coast and ate seafood there. Then we went shopping, then got back to the motel/ hotel, and went on to the next day.

On the final day, we packed up everything. However, before actually heading out for home, we stopped by a lighthouse museumthat was commissioned by Mister President George Washington back in the late 1700s. I got Christine a fancy-looking paperweight as a souvenier. The ride back home took about 3 hours. Jonathan discovered that eating 새우깡 prevents you from getting carsick. I guess it worked because I didn't get carsick while I ate it with Jonathan and Jenna.

Well that was the family vacation in a laconic abstract (summary).

I missed Christine a lot while I was away with the family. We finally met on Tuesday. :)

This is an article about jealousy that I found on Yahoo. Of the four factors, the first is true while the second is just stupid. The last two factors have to do with trust. But then again, it's not Christine whom I don't trust. IT'S THE GUYS. The GUYS are the ones whom I see as threats. It doesn't matter who it is, they are all threats to me. I'm just a person who is born to be jealous like this.

Question: Why do I get so jealous when my partner talks to other people?

Answer: When you first connected with your partner and looked into their eyes, it felt like he or she was the only person in the room. As you get deeper into your relationship and call yourselves a couple, the realization hits you: You and your partner are not alone on this planet. There are others! Are they a threat?

When we are in a committed relationship, we assume the connection we have with each other will be strong enough to fend off outside threats. In some ways, this you-belong-to-me-and-I-belong-to-you mentality is sweet; it's the stuff of pop songs and poetry. But sometimes the intensity of that connection is too strong. When one partner sees everyone whom his or her partner comes into contact with as a potential threat, it is a sign that jealousy has taken hold. Shakespeare called it "the green-eyed monster," and once it gets a hold of your relationship, it sinks its teeth in and can rip it apart.

What causes jealousy?

If you've got strong feelings of jealousy, it's probably a sign that you don't have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.

1. You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you've been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don't measure up. Because you don't love yourself, you can't believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner's "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.

2. You're prone to cheating on your partner -- maybe even have done so. Knowing what you're capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.

3. You and your partner haven't yet figured out how to establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it -- not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don't know what's permissible within the relationship and what's not, you're constantly on your toes.

4. Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn't have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.

Knowing the factors that lead to jealousy is an important first step to getting things fixed. Put your focus on building trust. If you've got some growing up to do, therapy may help. Both of you have to learn how to set boundaries in the relationship. That requires respecting your mate's definition of limits of outside relationships from the start.

Over time, as trust builds, you and your partner can redefine what feels safe for the relationship. After all, when you've got a great relationship, you want to share it with the world.

It's the NINTH MONTH. June 22, 2007. A full nine months.

I have to say, Christine and I have been through quite a lot since the day we met. There have been many changes in life too.

I love Christine so much. I'm so glad that I'm with her.

We went on a picnic today. However, I don't think it went very well.

I met with Christine at the swings at around 9:40 when I was supposed to be there by 9. I also had a slight stomachache because I had to go use the bathroom. Unfortunately, no bathroom was good enough because of the damned flies.

When we DID get to Manhattan, we visited a pet store with actual cats and dogs. And no, I did not get alleric reactions from the cats. Afterwards, we ate pizza together with lots of peppers. A bit too much actually...

Anyway, we found a place under lots of shade. It was rather windy though.

I spilled Sprite, I thought that I didn't have enough money,forgot to bring Ruby to migrate, forgot Warioware Touched to play, the mat was too small, and there were flies dancing above the empty pizza box. Not only that, but we "picniced" only for a little while. Also, we started to get stomachaches later in the day. By the way, we went to my house after picnicing.

I don't think it was a very enjoyable time for Christine. I guess I screwed it up... :?

On the other hand, today is the NINTH month that Christine and I have been together. I wish I could've made today for enjoyable for her... It's too late now. On the next time we go for a picnic, I will make it better and more enjoyable than today's picnic.

I love you Christine. :)