I am truly disappointed in myself.
It turns out that working as hard as one thinks one "should" is not enough. And overconfidence is a deluding force that tears one to shreds before the reality surfaces. I honestly thought that because I'm young, I shouldn't have to work so hard. I always thought that complacency was related to success somehow, and that doing things to heart's content was the only path to happiness. 'After all,' as I used to say, "I can worry about important things when I'm older." It is that kind of thinking that led me to my absolute disappointment, and it now tempts me to call myself a failure. I wouldn't be tempted to do so if it weren't for the fact that I am absolutely capable of working hard and changing my life for the better. I guess I just prefer to stay in the past and repeat mistakes all the ****ing time.
I am disappointed in myself because I got a low score on the SAT.
I know that shouldn't be a big deal. After all, I can take it again, and it's just one test. Unfortunately, I don't find that consoling, because like I said before, I could have worked harder. I could have pushed myself to go further ahead. I could have been more honest with my abilities, and not lie to myself when scoring countless practice tests. But because of my "play now; study later" mindset I had, I didn't give a **** about working harder. I was arrogant enough to put it aside, despite my countless reminding myself that hard work is all that pays off in the end. I honestly wish I could pat myself on the back, acknowledging that I did my best, but that would be a mere distraction.
FML, seriously.
Sorry if this isn't coherent or is repetitive in structure; I can't write well right now. I'd rather take out my frustration here than on something else.
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