So Lydia and I are going out now....

Well my depression struck back, but I soon delt with it. This chick I really liked named Timber, told me that she "just wants to be friends" which hurt pretty badly, but today out of the blue I get a call from my friend Lydia and she wants to hang out. We had a lot of fun, just doing really random things. We went to the mall and she bought me ice cream :), then we drove to Wilson park and walked around and sat on this hill and talked for like 30min. Then we went down to Dickson St, and had subs and coffee. After that we drove to Gully Park at like 10pm and messed around on the playground, then layed on the sand in the Vollyball court and just talked for like an hour and a half staring at the stars. It was just an awesome time, and we both had a lot of fun. We're supposted to hang out tomorrow too, so I'm happy about that.

Well its finally here, spring break. So far I'm having a good one. I know I'm not going to remember any of this week lol. Unions are still a little inactive, and I'm thinking about joining  a Red Orchestra clan pretty soon. It's such an amazing game. Go buy it!

Theres a train track over by the high school. We went there for lunch today.


....and just our luck...


Thank god he didnt really care. He just said that people own over here, and they asked that kids stay away from this area. A lot of people smoke pot over here, I did once :P

Cooper in this hobo place we found under the tracks.


Cooper, and me being all sexy in my trenchcoat


All in all, I had a pretty good day at school. More pics tomorrow hopefully. I'm running out of people to take pics of lol.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, someone spray painted the high school!



I also uploaded a few more pics not featured here to my photobucket account, along with another chick, who I also find really cute.

From left to right
Mike doing...something....very strange....Insom, Jordan, and
theres me at the end being man handled by Insom.




Anna on the left and Josey on the right. Josey and I stated that we're sisters :lol:


I'm taking my camera to school again tomorrow, so i'll update with some pics of my other friends. I'm going to be uploading a bunch more pics on my Photobucket account.

There we go. After telling everyone of my constant bit**ing and crappy thoughts I have been freed from the darkness! It feels like I have been reborn as this fun loving guy. I feel as if I am back to my old self. I love it. I love you. I love me. I came home, threw open my windows and the sun shine in. Thanks a lot for putting up with all that crap, I just needed to get it all out there.

I love Tool


Main post_ Well this weekend was very interesting. For 2 whole days I felt alive. I see the nice grassy plain where I need to go. I'm getting closer and closer to this goal, but something keeps me from going all the way. Maybe I'm holding on to something? Maybe I like being insane? Maybe I like feeling the real world, and seeing with unclouded eyes. I can see everything, but what I see isnt as beautiful as everyone else sees it. My mom says its bad that all of this is so meaningless to me. I don't feel any connection to even her. I keep telling myself to back off Anna, but every time I see her I just want to hold her in my arms forever. That is a dream I will never live. Blah nasty suicide thoughts coming into my head. Why is life so strange? Why can't it just be simple, calm, silent.

I just finished watching American Beauty. It was one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. It has become one of the movies that changed my life. So far thats American Beauty and Fight Club. If you haven't seen it, do so right now. The movie looks so simple on the face, but you have to figure out and truly understand the movie to love it. I was almost in tears of joy and saddnes at the same time in the end. It was a very powerful movie that has changed my outlook on life completely. 

I thought she was different, I really did. She acted all nice around me and told me she loved me, but now she's off flirting with some other guy, and she doesn't even really talk to me. This morning she was like "oh hey" when I went into the lunch room and sat by her, and for like everyone else shes like "OOO hey there, give me a hug". So I just left. I live in a world where I have to be high at school to stop from killing myself. I hate life. I hate everyone in my life. I really want to drop out of high school, but my mom wont let me, but after high school I'm going to lock myself in some dark underground bunker where I can grow my own food, weed, and get fresh water. I really wish I could just disconnect from the social world, but I have too many people who call themselves friends to get out of it all. Oh! To make matters worse, she started ignoring me on Valentines day, how ironic. The day of love, I get what little I have left of my heart torn into even smaller pieces. I'm going to learn how to genetically alter myself so I don't have emotions. The only thing I love right about now is the painkillers I'm on that **** with my head enough to just ignore everything thats going on. I have to watch some gay movie in second hour, so ima go. Have fun with all of your lives.

Yay! I got a new hard drive and was able to install it without breaking something like my mom said I always do...Its a 160GB Western Digital. Its working fine and im happy. Medieval 2 still owns really hard. Ive taken the entire British Isles and now im working on taking out France. I did take over Paris, but then stopped there. The pope got really mad at me and quit talking to me :(, but I caught like 3 of their spys in my cities!

My real life isnt going all that well...Ive been sick for like a week and im really feeling it now, hopefully I can get over this soon. I told this chick that i really liked her, and she said she really liked me but didnt want to date because she just got out of like a 10 month relationship :( Oh well...