1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying."
10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you.  You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
16. "Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
19. "What am I?  Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office.  It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made.  Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume.  Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career.  Turns out I just wanted a salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... like humor... but different!"

Found absolutely everything there is to find on both of the LEGO Star Wars games.  Now I feel so empty, not fulfilled like I wanted to be.  Can't wait for the number three game to come out, I hope something comes out. 

For now, Guitar Hero II will have to keep me occupied.  I've only finished two songs on Hard.  They weren't kidding when they made them hard...expert to me is nearly impossible.

ROCK ON!!!!!!

MGySgt 1. When you meet a MGySgt in the passageway and say "What's up Master Guns?" He says "What's up Devil Dog".

SgtMaj 1. When you meet a SgtMaj in the passageway and say "What's up SgtMaj?" He says "Your chevrons are chipped and your skivvies aren't marked Devil Dog, and by the way, the appropriate greeting is Good afternoon Sergeant Major!".

MGySgt 2. When you see a MGySgt at the P.X. he's probably wearing a T-shirt, jeans and his running shoes; holding hands with his wife and says "Hey Devil Dog, this is my wife Sue Ellen".

SgtMaj 2. When you see a SgtMaj at the P.X., he's probably wearing a smartly pressed Van Heusen shirt and Dockers sitting by himself in the food court and says "Where's your belt Devil Dog? Who are you with?".

MGySgt 3. If you ever find yourself in the MGySgts office, there is a good chance you'll be able to sit down and talk shop with a ready made cup of hot Joe and get a strong hand shake on the way out.

SgtMaj 3. If you ever find yourself in the SgtMajs office, it's very likely you won't be able to sit down at all because of all of the "I love me" stuff and you won't have time for a cup of coffee because you'll be too busy making sure every sentence ends in SgtMaj. On the way out he'll make sure and remind you about your duty on Christmas day.

MGySgt 4. If you run in to the MGySgt at the club, he'll probably be a half a beer away from smacking some Lieutenant and about three chicken wings away from a heart attack. He'll gladly invite (order) you to come over and drink a beer with him while he tells you how **** hot of a Marine you are (can you drive him home).

SgtMaj 4. If you run in to the SgtMaj at the club, he'll probably be drinking a watered down Pepsi and eating unsalted popcorn because his body is a temple. He wouldn't think of inviting you over because he is with his fellow 9999s and you just wouldn't understand. On the way out the door he counsels you on saying the f-word too much and reminds you about duty tomorrow.

MGySgt 5. If you happen to see the MGySgt at P.T. he'll be in cammies scratching his head because he thought you said beer run instead of pier run. If he did come to actually run he's probably still wearing his scarlet and gold P.T. gear and grey Velcro running shoes from Payless.

SgtMaj 5. When you see the SgtMaj at P.T. he'll be running the guidon around the battalion because all of the Marines are really impressed that a 27 year old man is still in that great of shape. After the run he will counsel you for your P.T. shorts not being properly pressed and remind you to check in for duty after you change over.

MGySgt 6. When you call the MGySgt at 0100 and tell him that you are heading to the hospital because your wife is in labor, he'll probably say "Alright brother, drive safely and I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Call me to let me know everything went well."

SgtMaj 6. When you call the SgtMaj at 0100 and tell him that you are heading to the hospital because your wife is in labor, he'll probably say "Who authorized that? Did the Colonel sign off on that package?

Fine! Don't forget about formation in the morning".

MGySgt 7. If you happen to see the MGySgt in the barracks after 1630, he's probably just walked over from the club half lit and looking for a ride home. Hide the W.M.s.

SgtMaj 7. If you happen to see the SgtMaj in the barracks after 1630, he's probably just passing through on his 80 mile run making sure his Duty NCOs are reading their knowledge and following their General Orders. Hide the MGySgt and the W.M.s.

MGySgt 8. If you happen to run into the MGySgt in the field, he's probably sitting on a lawn chair, chewing on a fat cigar and messing with the Lieutenants. He'll probably have a six pack of warm brownie pops in his ALICE pack.

SgtMaj 8. If you happen to run into the SgtMaj in the field, he'll probably be checking his fire watches in full combat load with cammie paint on and chewing on some Lance Corporal's behind for wearing faded cammies. He'll probably have a set of dumbbells, extra chevrons, a couple of charge sheets and the Drill Manual tucked away in his ALICE pack.

MGySgt 9. If you happen to see the MGySgt at the Marine Corps Ball, he's probably about half a beer past smacking some Lieutenant and working on getting smacked by Sue Ellen for staring at that LCpl's date. He'll buy you a drink if you'll listen to his story about back in the first Gulf War and help him carry all of his medals out to the cab when it's time to go.

SgtMaj 9. If you happen to see the SgtMaj at the Marine Corps Ball, he's probably drinking a watered down Pepsi and squaring away the Lieutenant's National Defense Medals. His wife's not there because the Corps didn't issue him one. He can't buy you a drink because he spent all his cash buying the senior SgtMaj's drinks. He will remind you that he's been to the drill field three times and that he spent the last six months preparing the ceremony. Who's on duty?

MGySgt 10. If you happen to see a MGySgt talking to a SgtMaj he's probably got his hands buried in his pockets and calling him by his first name. He'll probably be thinking about what rank he was in 1999 when the SgtMaj came in and how he got so many stars on his drill instructor ribbon.

SgtMaj 10. If you happen to see a SgtMaj talking to a MGySgt he's probably standing at parade rest busy making sure that every sentence ends in Master Gunnery Sergeant. He'll probably be thinking about what grade (in school) he was in back in 1979 when the MGySgt came in and how he got so many stars on his good conduct ribbon.

I'm loving my two new games I got for my PS2: 
Guitar Hero II and Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy.

Honestly I haven't played Lego SWII yet.  Guitar Hero is just too addicting.  I've gotten through the Easy and Medium levels with 5 stars on all the Easy songs.  Medium will take some doing, but I'm about half way of getting 5 stars on all those songs.

Hard is a whoooooole new world using all 5 buttons on the controller.  It's making me believe that I could actually learn how to play the guitar.

Ain't that something?  :D  What did YOU get for Christmas?

I will be updating these as I find more as we go along....just for my own knowledge and humor:

Level 1 - Mogwai
Level 2 - 2 Dollars

My little girl turned 2 years old today officially.  The weather is really bad for today, but we are going to the base theater today at 5pm to watch "Open Season".  Then we will come home and have a little mini birthday cake for her, chocolate of course.  :D

We bought her a Barbie Li'l Trail Rider pink, electronic powered ATV of her very own she loves it.

***Entries into the Washington Post Poetry Contest with the most romantic first line and the most un-romantic second line***

1. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

2. I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

3. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

4. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

5. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

8. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

12. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm.
This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar/calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread
 To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper Weeds Away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet
newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glass pieces of
glass-the fibers catch ones you can't see!

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Bike
If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture inside the handle bar before placing the grips on. If the bike is stolen and later recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof who owns the bike.

Flexible Vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and static is gone.

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include
something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair...

Good-bye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2" with
Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," & can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, esp. if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Take baby powder to the beach...
Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you are ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the sand will slide right off your skin.

> > SENATOR JOHN KERRY
> > 304 RUSSELL
> > SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
> > WASHINGTON DC 20510
> >
DEAR SENATOR KERRY:
> >
  WE ARE STILL LAUGHING OVER HERE IN IRAQ AT YOUR JOKE ABOUT THE TROOPS BEING DUMB. WE DO RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE A LOT SMARTER THAN WE ARE BECAUSE YOU WERE ABLE TO GET OUT OF COMBAT IN THREE MONTHS.
  THIS IS WHY WE ARE SEEKING YOUR ADVICE. PLEASE GIVE US GUIDANCE:

1.)   WHERE IS THE LEAST PAINFUL AREA ON THE BODY TO INFLICT A WOUND?

2.)   DOES IT HAVE TO BLEED OR WILL A SCRATCH DO?

3.)   WHERE DO YOU GET THE FORMS TO FILL OUT
RECOMMENDING YOURSELF FOR A PURPLE HEART?

4.)   DO YOU NEED A WITNESS?   IF SO, HOW MUCH DOES THAT COST?

5.)   ARE THREE PURPLE HEARTS STILL GOOD FOR A TRIP HOME?

6.)   WHAT IS A REALISTIC PERIOD OF TIME IN WHICH TO ACQUIRE THESE WOUNDS?    LESS THAN THREE MONTHS SOUNDS A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS EVEN TO US.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP AND KEEP THE JOKES COMING.

-JUST A DUMB G.I.

(I hope this meets with Fishdalf's high standards)  ;)

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Judy. Judy." "Is that you, Fred?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "What's it like?"

Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."