No, not that Barney!

This morning, coworker Cecilia came walking in the office with this huge purple pillow under her arm. At closer look, the pillow had eyes! Oh No! It's....

Barney!
Note: The Barney above is not the one I met. Just a stand in.

What the heck was this dinosaur doing here? Someone had given it to her boyfriend Sam, and he told her to get rid of it! I've always thought Barney was kind of creepy. I mean, a guy in a purple suit singing and dancing with children, doesn't seem right. Yes Friends, Barney isn't real. There are no more dinosaurs. The verdict is still out on Santa Claus though!

While I don't think much of Barney (he's not as weird at teletubbies), I have a friend who seems to really like him. So I thought I would take him off of Ce's hands. One problem. Judy, in the front office, has grandkids. She wanted him too. Judy and I never argue about anything. So we arm wrestled for it. I gotta tell ya, Judy's one strong lady! Actually I threw the match to her. Did it for the grandkids.

But I still had to chat with Barney. Yes, it was a Talking Barney. I once knew a girl who loved talking dolls, stuffed animals, action figures, etc. In fact, anything talking. Singing catfishes, paperweights, car seats, anything that talks. It made gift giving easy. I've always been attracted to women who were a little different. She loved inanimate objects that she could make talk on demand! Maybe that's why we got along so well. :) But that was years ago; I wanted to check up on the latest in talk technology. That's why I wanted to have a chat with Barney. It really was!

So I put The B Man up on my desk. While I was sitting in my chair, we were almost eye to eye! Here's how talking Barney works. He's hunched on his back legs. Each foot (hoof?) has three big toes. Squeeze a toe, he says something different for each toe. So I squeezed a toe.

"Want to sing a song with me?" he asked. I paused. "Hold my left hand to sing a song with me!" I expected "I Love You, You Love me..." or some kind of crap. I didn't expect the Purple Menace to ask me to do something! So I grabbed his hand (pawwww).

"No, the left hand! You grabbed the wrong hand! teeheehee." A coworker giggled. Barney had corrected me. My I.Q. dropped 20 points. I grab the left hand a little tighter, to show him who's the boss. "Let's sing a song! 'This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home...' "

"Wait!" I said. "That's not a song! It's a rhyme!" Yep, I'm arguing with a stuffed animal. Coworkers are looking. So he finishes his friggin' song, and says, "Wanna play some more?" It's not what I wanted to do, but I had to.

I squeeze another toe, and I get, "Wanna play a game? If you do, cover my eyes!" Huh? So yeah, I take Barney in my lap and cover his eyes with my... right hand. He says, "Oh no, it's getting dark! Where's everybody going? It's getting darker, help!" I threw the damn thing back on the desk. "Hehehehe... let's play some more!"

No, no. I went back to my work. A few minutes later, "Let's play some more!" I took the little bastard and put him in an empty office and closed the door. Would have locked it, if I could. I asked Ce why Sam didn't want it. She said it woke him up at night, wanting to play. Obviously a mechanical malfunction, but creepy all the same.

Just an encounter with a toy. If you're not familiar with Barney, you live a blessed life! If you know Barney, what do you think, cute and cuddly, or creepy and disturbing?

TG

What do you keep in your pockets? I was getting ready for work Friday morning. Moving items from yesterday's pockets to today's pockets is part of the ritual. I was about to fill today's pockets, and I looked at the items on the bed. I thought, that would make a nice pocket portrait!

I like the composition. That's just the way I strew them out there! I also like the light from the morning sun. Morning Sun? "In the morning sun, I couldn't tell you... I couldn't tell you so many things..."

Sorry, when I type or say Morning Sun, I break into song. The song? "Stay Forever" by WEEN! A very mushy song. It's so blatantly mushy, it's mushilicious! A nice song for weddings, by the way. If you haven't heard it, take a listen Here (just push play!):

http://www.sl80.com/main.php?g2_itemId=219&g2_fromNavId=x71002b42

Where was I?

Oh, the pocket brigade. We'll go left to right. On the far left is my watch. Not a pocket item, I know. But he's a close relative to the pocket family. He goes down there several times a day, to transport them in and out of captivity. He's tight with the pocket items. At least the left pocket items! They have no idea what the right pocket gang is up to. Lots of suspicion there. Next to the wristwatch is...

My Life Savers! I've never been a big candy guy, but the past few weeks I've had a roll on hand. Or, in pocket. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through. But it's great for making friends! Anybody want a Life Saver? Cherry's on top! :) To the upper right of Savers... Paging Dr. House! No, it's not Vicodin! I have a touch of high blood pressure, so I take Lisinopril. Didn't say that bottle was the Lisinopril, though. :)

Below that is my pocket knife. And it has a story. Notice the ergonomic design, and there's a hole in the blade. That's so you can open it with one hand, using your thumb for leverage. There's also a release, so you can close it with one hand. This was my best bud Ric's knife. He was walking through the office, showing off, flicking it open and closed (think West Side Story).

I asked him where I could get one of those. He gave it to me, on the spot! I tried to refuse, but he insisted. I think he was trying to thank me. He was going through a divorce, and I was letting him stay at my place. A few weeks later, Ric left us, late at night at my place. I got to spend his last night with him. Such a cool dude. Anyhow, I looked up the price of the knife, a Buck brand knife, and it runs about $60. But to me, it's priceless.

Let's see... top of the next column, there's the keys to life. We all have them. Below that, one of my father's rings. Yes, I keep dead people's things in my pockets! If that's weird, so be it. Then there's the cellphone. That's really an old model. I gotta get an upgrade! Everybody's getting a new cellphone, and I'm still learning how to use this old piece of crap! (caveman grunts). Three is my favorite number though. Where did that come from?

Then there's the wallet. Not much of a story there! He stays in the back pocket, so he doesn't socialize with the other pocket stuff. Kind of a snob. Above the wallet, GOT ME A POCKET FULL OF CHANGE! Reminds me of a ZZ Top tune. I'll not link that one!

Finally, it's all wrapped up by a big belt, keeping the pocket items safe. My brother bought me that belt in Santa Fe, NM, over six years ago. Best belt I've ever had. I love that belt. I hope it will Stay Forever!

TG

I was reading the comments on somebody's blog a few days ago, I can't remember whose it was, that's not important. What I remember was, friends who were sensitive to the word Love. As I recall it, they didn't feel comfortable with people using the word lightly. It really got me to thinking. Because, in some respects, I feel the same way! But I had never really thought about it. In that way. Being uncomfortable.

Love ya babe! Love what you said! Much Love... Love it or leave it! Okay, I haven't heard that last one around here. And I can't recall reading "I Love You." But I've no doubt it's been said. Perhaps by me. What I didn't realize was, people can feel really uncomfortable when others use the word Love towards them! But it makes sense. Sometimes Love can be the word that means more than any other. Wouldn't it be nice to have a word that means more than any other?

But then again, we have emotions that we can't express without saying The Word. "My God, I LIKE that gift! It's perfect!" :) How did we get to this place? It's about what words mean. Symbolism. Love, to some, can imply forever. Something that will never go away. It's to be guarded and expressed only with conviction. And to others, they have lots of love for stuff and people. And they say it! Best word they've got for the things they love!

What a Happy Predicament. Love you guys. :)

TG

What happens is, I go to my homepage on tv.com, and I look to see if any of my friends has a new blog. I try to read them all, sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't. Nothing personal! :)

Eventually, I get sick of seeing my last blog. You know, if just sits there. It's like bread or lettuce. It gets stale, it has a shelf life. I give ample time for my friends to digest it, and eventually it becomes... never mind! I've grown tired of this analogy! :)

So yesterday I got to thinking, how did I get here? How did I get this little stable of friends? Not that you're all stable, but anyway... :) I don't think I've ever asked anyone to be my friend. Maybe I have, but I don't recall it. The point is, just about all of my friends asked me to be their friend. And I wanted to thank you. Also, and I know this has happened, some folks asked me to be their friend, and I didn't put them on my Friends List. It's because I didn't know what I was doing! I need all the friends I can get. :) Maybe this applies to no one reading this. If a tree fell in the woods... Again, nothing personal. Am I being too sensitive? :) Next subject...

The world might be divided between people who type in phonics, and those who refrain from it. You know, the difference between, "How are you doing today?", and "WHAZZZUUUUUPP!" And this is a language thing. One of the phenomena I've found, in the time I've been here, is that my friends in other countries speak better English than many Americans! That might be a statement about our educational system in the states, I don't know. And I'm not a snob when it comes to communicating. If I understand what someone is saying, that's a great start! I just find it fascinating, the way people communicate. Next subject...

How's everyone doing? :) As I type, today is Labor day. It's usually thought of as a day of rest, and the end of summer. For me, it's more of the former than the latter! It's great to have a Monday off work. Oh, and there's the telethon for Jerry's Kids, and hot dogs. Grilling, gotta grill. And the resurgence of the football season. :) But the origins of Labor Day, quite obviously, comes from the labor movement. My crack team of researchers at wikipedia reveals that Labor Day began in the 1880's, as "a street parade to exhibit to the public 'the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations' of the community...".

"Esprit de corps?" Sounds pretty French to me! :) Since then, it seems to me here in the states, the labor movement and (cough) unions have been much maligned and denigrated in the press. Maybe the world could be divided up between folks who embrace unions and those who despise them! :) I've never been a member of a union, but I appreciate the concept. To me, at its core, it's about preserving the right to get an honest day's pay for an honest day's work. And Labor Day is a way to observe the rights of the common worker. But that seems to get muddied up in all the other traditions and rituals. I'll also take this opportunity to celebrate the power of friends! Friends Unite! :) Next subject...

No, no. I think I've rambled quite enough! Thank you for your ears! I mean eyes. Whatever. :)

TG

It's story time, boys and girls!

I was recently at my late parents' house, having a final garage sale to clear out the rest of the assorted crap in there. Eventually, people traffic slowed down, and our neighbor, Johnny, came over to catch up. We got to talking about losing family, and dealing with life changes. Finally he said, "Let me tell you a story."

Johnny first lost his mom. His mom and dad lived in Colorado, a three day drive at best. His sister called and told him Mom was very ill, and he should come if he could. He started the long drive up and, while on the highway in the middle of the night, he got another call from his sister. "She's not going to make it before you get here. I thought you might like to tell her goodbye."

This floored Johnny. He had no idea it was that bad. He told sis he couldn't be driving while doing this. He pulled over to the shoulder of the road. Sis gave the cellphone to Mom, and Johnny just said how much he loved her, and how much he wished he could be there. She couldn't say much. After the call, he sat there in the silence and dark of night, kicking himself for not making it in time. Finally he started the car. Almost on cue, a song started on the radio. It was Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called to Say I Love You."

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

Well that kind of hit him hard, and he thought it quite the coincidence. A couple of years later, Johnny's father was in failing health. He was grocery shopping when he got the call. Pops passed away. And wouldn't you know it, the supermarket had background music. Yes, the song began again!

No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring
No song to sing
In fact here's just another ordinary day

Then, a couple of years later, Johnny was at work, in an office place. He got the call again. His brother was gone. This time there was no music in the office place. He just sat there in the silence that only such news can bring. Then, someone else's cellphone rang. And she happened to have a custom ring tone! You got it, Stevie strikes again!

No summer's high
No warm July
No harvest moon to light one tender August night
No autumn breeze
No falling leaves
Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies

After he told me this story, he said, "I can't explain it. But every time, I felt like it was Mom reaching out to touch me, to hug me, because she knew how much I needed it. I don't know how all this stuff works, but I know how I felt." All I could say was "Yeah." Then we sat there in silence for a bit.

TG

Seems like every blog has a theme, or something someone wants to say. Not this time! I'm just going to ramble. And this can be an opening to what's important to someone. I mean, when you make a blog, you should have an agenda. Not this time! Just got sick of seing MP's pics up on my page. Sooo...

I'm seriously flying by the seat of my pants. We'll start with the obligatory question. This is a loss of quality of life question. If you had to lose one or the other, which would it be: your vision, or your hearing, and one appendage? That would be an arm or a leg. Tough call, but I would keep the vision.

Okay, enough with the weird questions. Personal situation. I'm planning on buying a motorcycle, and I have friends who say "cool dude! Awesome!" Then I have other friends, friends that are closer to me, that say, "dude, you're going to end up mangled meat on the asphalt." Of course they don't say that, but that's the sentiment. I've had motorcycles before, and I've tasted asphalt, but not been mangled by it. I'm getting the bike, but would welcome comments on the issue.

I don't know, I'm thinking... how about Life's Purpose? That's a very personal thing. Is it about achieving your life's objectives? Do you really need to have objectives? And what are objectives? :) Are they goals, or just how you conduct youself in relation to others? Okay, that's enough. I think I'll go to bed now...

No, gotta go one more. Is religion a problem or solution? Snooze time! :)

TG

When I decided to start the Pets of the Week feature last week, I didn't consider including my cat, Miss Prissy. This begs the question, "What the HECK were you thinking!!???" Well, it just goes to show you, you don't need a license to be an Idiot! Miss Priss fired my Publicist (I didn't know she could do that), and started giving me the silent treatment. We finally came to an agreement: I can do one more Pet of the Week, under one condition. So, without further adieu...

It's Miss Prissy!

My father rescued MP from the Humane Society, when she was a tiny little kitten living in the cutest, itty-bitty cage! Pops passed away a year or so later, and MP became my inheritance.

In the picture above, she's lying in my Executive Desk Chair, which she likes to call "My Spot." Here we are once again beginning to argue over who's supposed sit there. The lower photos show her in various stages of primping. The photos are a little blurry. Either that or my eyes are getting worse than I thought! Next slide, please...

How Worthless!

Here MP is engaging in one of her favorite hobbies, sleeping on my dirty clothes. It's also known as taking a "laundry nap." This is why I never get my laundry finished! (yeah, right) At the top, she's basking in the light of the Sunday Sunset. In the bottom, that's where I woke her butt up! Then she became Miss Grumpy! She didn't want me to show that photo, as she's not being very "lady-like." But I don't care! :) Next slide, please!

On Guard...

This is where MP is at her best. She sits in that window, looking over the neighborhood for dogs, cats, rats, birds and lizards! The inset picture shows the same window from the outside. I put the broom there to give a sense of proportion. I've never seen her jump up into the window! I'm always on the inside when she does it.

On more than one occasion, she's come through that window with a rat, bird, or lizard in her mouth! She leaps to the floor, runs to the desk, and drops the trophy at my feet. If it's a rat or bird, I immediately begin yelling at her, telling her how wrong it is. She starts yelling back, because she thought she was giving me a present! It's different when it's a lizard. I let her play with that. It's kind of fun to watch! But as much as we argue, I know MP will always be good for one thing... (next slide, please)

MMMmmmm....

Haha! No, it's not Miss Priss. I smoked some chicken and bacon Sunday afternoon. Note the emblem on the grill lid: Geaux Saints! They played their first NFL football preseason game Sunday evening, and lost convincingly. But still, Geaux Saints! And Yea Miss Prissy! :)

TG

It's not easy being a Caveman Lawyer. My Publicist says I need to project a softer, more sensitive and gentler side. So I've got a new feature, "Pets of the Week." Here's a few...

Sorry, I just had a BEAMing incident. Dammit, Dee! I'm trying to work here! :) So here's the mammals worthy of consideration:

Oscar

This little feline stalks the rooms of a Nursing Home in Rhode Island. Somehow, he knows when a patient is going to die. He goes up to the bed and sits, or cuddles, with the elderly in their final hours. He knows before anyone else. What an awesome cat act! No one can explain it. When I first heard about this guy, it was a story on CNN. After the story, my cat, Miss Prissy, jumped up in my lap! Oh, hahaha. She's got quite the sense of humour. :)

Jake

Jake was a Black Labrador Retriever, who searched for bodies amongst the rubble of Hurricane Katrina. He died of cancer this week. I live in Katrina Country, and I thank him for his service. I thought Lau might like this pic. :)

Knut!

Most everyone knows Knut by now, the polar bear at the zoo in Germany. Here he is kissing the photo book made about him. He's so full of himself! I'll bet he's got his own publicist too! :)

Heart-Kun

I wonder who was the creative genius that came up with that name! His claim to fame is obvious. But I love the expression. Stop looking at me! :)

So that's the Pets of the Week. I'd just as soon put them on a spicket, over an open fire. But that's not politically correct! Or so I'm told. Hope you've enjoyed the Pets of the Week!

TG

As most of you probably already know, I've completed 100% of my Level 4 requirements, and I may be at Level 5 by the time you read this. It means I'm a Caveman Lawyer now, and I take these new responsibilities seriously:

I know, most, if not all of my Friends are at higher levels. But at some point in our lives, we usually need a lawyer. I want to be there for you. My specialties include:

Criminal Defense. I have a briefcase, I have a spear, and I'm no longer afraid of fire. I've slain Wooly Mammoths. Prosecutors fear me. I will protect you.

Civil Suits. I'm not Civil, and I don't wear Suits. I'll be your best defense against those crafty homo sapiens.

Pre Nuptial Agreements. I've still got my club, but I'm no longer sexist. These negotiations can be settled quickly, by either party.

I'll not dance around the personal significance of this new (pending) title. It could be lucrative to me, and might afford me the opportunity to acquire a larger cave. If you're in need of legal representation, or find a sabertooth tiger in your yard, please PM me. I'll be there for you.

TG

I think I might have figured this out. If not, it's like asking for directions. Last resort. Anyhow, this pic is from last February, at the end of my older bro's birthday party!

Don't know if it will work or not. Did I make a wrong turn? Honey, put that map away! :)