So I just found out the guy who wants to go out with me is getting deployed to afgn. in the beginning of July, and he doesnt want a new relationship right now before he goes, but he would be ready for one when he gets back, and if im still single then, he would love a relationship with me. So.. I guess we see where life takes me, cause I respect him for what he wants and everything.. id be waiting a year anyways if we were together. Meh, we will see. I am not going to stress about it.

Well, things may be looking semi up for me. Maybe. A W-3 that I met in Fort Bragg and became friends with seems to be interested in me. We had a text conversation, and our single statuses were brought up and he said he couldnt believe that I was single cause Im a great catch :oops: so i took a bold step.. which is.. strange of me.. to say the least, and told him if he thinks im a good catch why doesnt he catch me? :oops: ! lol.. So he said he would like to catch me.. and i told him if he really wants to catch me that hes gotta ask by phone at least cause by text is just too weird and informal for me lol. So he said he would call me tonight (he is currently on vaca. visiting his mom). He is based in Kentuckey? or Tennessee... i cant remember which o_o Ill have to ask him .. if he calls..

Another cool thing today, my friend said shes gonna pay a few months for my cell bill in advance so i wont have to worry bout it. O_O i was like "SWEET!" ^_^ Hopefully I will gain some stability and be able to handle my own things. Independance is a grand thing. Especially when I can prove to everyone that I can give my girls a decent life. Thats all I want.. A life that is decent for my kids. They deserve the best I can give them, so I must do the best I can to give them that.

Its been raining all day toady. :( Kind of depressive weather, but at least its lowering the fire danger. Its been stupidly high lately.

Well, my kids are both sick with fevers and coughs. I have taken the oldest to the dr. and the fever and cough just started in my youngest, so I guess its her turn. My throat is swoolen and my temperature is 97.7. Im not sure whats making me sick with a low temp but meh. I will most likely be getting myself in, and have a double appt wth my daughter so we can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. I may also be checking into some depression medicine... for the obvious. I think.. that I just wont be happy unless i am with someone... if that makes sense, which makes it harder yet cause it reminds me just how desperate I really am. Desperate to have someone to talk to, and have a prospective father figure in my girls' life. They need a positive male role modle besides my dad, cause my dad is sleeping all the time... so they dont get much quality time with him. There is a guy who is interested in me in town here... but hes a pot head, and thats NOT what I want around my kids - though he is kinda sweet and funny and nice... the pot thing is an automatic no though. For myself and my kids

My kitten is vicious and playful. My hands and arms are tore up from her. She even attacked my face and bit my cheek. Shes ferocious but sooo cute. I still have not thought of any names yet. I was going to name her Pandora, but then it reminded me too much about the movie Avatar... and I didnt want anyone to think I named her after the movie, no matter how good or bad it was. ... Was going to name her Pandora because of all the trouble she gets herself into.

Other names I have thought of were Athena, Isis, Cleopatra, Kit Vicious, and Venus. Maybe I will make a thread with a poll lol. I dont care too much for Cleopatra tho.

*sighs* One day maybe.. i can find a guy who would like to be with me, and wouldnt have to deal with a long distance relationship... or at least for a long time. Would I have another long distance relationship? ... Only in the continental US. No more international flings... unless I can have proof that actions being taken to move to the US.. cause im not going there. At least a relationship with a guy in the states can at least be in the states >_> and if i stick to guys in the mid west or centeral states... or heck, even eastern states, then its more of a reality I think.

Ok.. I give up. I surrender. Please stop kicking me in my broken ribs cause its really really getting annoying and they cant break much more. Of course... why didnt I anticipate this happening? ... Why would my boyfriend decide to stay with me, despite me completely understanding that he has to work and is going to be busy for a long time? .. Why would he understand that I am pretty dang patient/understanding and would stick around for him to get off work? ... Its not like ive not done it before, right? ...

So he breaks up with me because he can not commit enough time to me, because of his contract with work. He doesnt want to wait 6-8 years for American immigration to say 'ok come over now'. He wants to be able to come over now and stay now - legally. ... Wont wait 3 years for us to get a fiance or marriage visa even. ... ..... Yes. Yes I said marriage visa. ... Think I liked him a lot? ...

I am tired. I am tired of hurting... im tired of being hurt. I am tired of bad things happening... I am tired of the constant pain of nothing EVER going right. I just want some hope. Is that too much to ask for? ... I just want some direction. I want someone to care, someone to help me get back up on me feet, dust me off, and say 'go get em tiger', and give me a sweet kiss... and to look into my eyes and say its going to be OK.

My heart is screaming, its had enough. why do I have to be put through all of this? Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad person? I dont want this pain anymore. I dont want to live this way, I dont want to be alone. Its too much for me to deal with on my own. "Keep strong" he said.. how the hell am i supposed to? Even steel bends and shatters and breaks at some point.

"They say what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, well maybe some of us are just too sick and tired of being so damn strong" ...

Ok gamespots been glitching for me i think. All my messages in my inbox are deletified, and some of my comments for my blog are gone too i think. O_o Is this happening to anyone else?

I found out yesterday that my friend/sister in law has colon and rectal cancer... and its spread to a kidney.. and shes already at stage 3. ....... And she didnt know she had it before. This has just happened like within the last 2 weeks here. Her ex husbands being a total jerk, they have a kid together and he recently had drunkenly drove a snowmobile and killed someone on it. So vehicular manslauter. And hes going to have papers served on her for being an unfit mother cause shes in the hospital with cancer..... well... her parents are taking care of their son, and they have pretty much since hes been born. So.... things arent awesome with that. She also has another little boy.. my nephews... they are so precious. I cant let them get hurt in any way. I dont know how shes going to pull through this, to be honest.. I need to do more research about it to see if shes got any chance... but.. *shakes head* .... Cancers really starting to piss me off. First my best friend Rae Lynn.... Then my mom.. now my "Sister" ..... yea.

So i got 2 new games as title stated. Gears of War, and Call of Juarez, Bound in Blood. I was about to buy Red Dead Redemption but.... I didnt wanna pay that much for it :| Call me cheap, but meh.

Had to take my youngest to the ER yesterday, she had been bitten by a wood tick and it got real red and swoolen and puss was coming out of the spot the next day. So to the ER we went and now shes on some... pink medicine for it. Today it looks much better already!

I have been helping my dad cut down trees, hauling lumber, and basically half sweating to death out in 90 degree heat. YAY.

My ex went to the UK thismorning. Good riddance. Jerk.

Oh and a bearing is bad in my A/C clutch :| when will it end? .. I suppose when I get a newer car, huh?

Well I had an older kitty already named Mort... but this kitten was too adoreable to pass up. So I had to have her. Shes a calico, and a total fuzzball. Nothin but poof. She was feral, caught her, she really likes me... is a bit scared of my kids tho (which I dont blame her for AT all). Mort thinks shes... strange. And doesnt really like that she thinks hes her momma lol. Its cute tho and he hasnt growled or hissed at her as of yet. If I had to guess I would say shes about 7 weeks old. She will eat solid cat food and is learning how to drink water. (she needs practice). I havent thought of a name for her yet.. I told my dad if he calls her something I dont like (IE: rags or patches... :roll: ) that I would dual him to the death. I wont have a cheesy name for her. Shes going to have a thought out and unique name that will fit her personality... which Im still discovering. So far shes pretty adventurous and rather brave for a feral kitten. She hasnt hissed or growled at me, either. In fact she even purred at me lastnight ^_^. She also rolls over on her back and lets me rub her tummy. My dad is awe struck by how quickly I can tame a kitten. My kids make it difficult tho lol. They get so excited and rush at them, jump around, be loud... poor kittens heart races!

Well Ill keep you all posted with the new kittens name and whatever else happens ^_^

So yea, theres this really huge black bear thats been making my yard a little highway. It is, to be fair, the biggest black bear I have ever seen - captive or wild. This is not so surprising, considering a few years back we had a State Record bear shot behind my house. So this particular black bear... it is big. It is bigger then big. I would say it stands (ON ALL 4s mind you) 4 feet high (thats his shoulders mind you)... So possibly an 8 foot on hind legs tall bear. ... easily over 600 lbs... i would say more like 800 something lbs. Maybe even closer to 900.

Now... Im a bit intimidated to go outside on my own now lol... and i def. wont be letting my kids out of sight any time soon... And its scared of people. It heard my voice through the open window (cause it was basically RIGHT behind me, I turned and looked at it cause I heard the footsteps and twigs snapping behind me... and went "Oh.. BIG bear!" and it started to gallop away off into the woods and across the road. I dont know if I should contact the DNR and let them know that a massively huge bear is tromping through the forests so have cyclists and joggers/walkers be more aware of it... or what. Its been showing up at dusk for the past few nights.

.... Its making me kind of hungry for bear burgers.

Yea... relationships.

Well.. my boyfriends been working a whole lot lately. And I dont get to talk to him hardly as much as we used to. Hes been working locally (well his locally) for the past week and now on Friday he will be going to Holland till next Saturday. And naturally I wont get to talk to him the whole time he is there. Its obviously strainful on the relationship.. at least from my point... cause our relationship is based on speaking with eachother since we dont get to see eachother. ... i just... dont get it. And when I tell him I miss him... he doesnt say anything back.. I just.. dont know. Im confused I think.

Totally one of those "blog about it" things instead of thread worthy lol.

Hello everyone,

I couldnt remember what the last mom update of mine was, but I have another one. I dont remember if I said before that her cancer had come back (this is the 3rd time), and shes been soldering on bravely. Well last week they had her results back from this full body scan that they do, and they saw something on her liver. So today they had my mom come in and they did a liver scan and a biopsy, well it turns out her liver is ok :) so thats great! But she does have small red spots on one of her breasts and they have done a biopsy on one as well to see what it is exactly and how to treat that. They think its got to do with her lymphnodes (cause there are tons of those all over your body). She did develop blood clots though so she has to inject herself with something for that and will be on coumadin for the rest of her life. She also has some pretty severe animeia, but im helping her over come that.

Thats about it. Im tuckered out tho so i think its bedtime early for me tonight.

Hope your all safe, and well.

xoxox Miss Hellcat xoxox

Alright, I know I cant afford a fish or anything like that, but yea, it would be neat to have a dragon fish. *shrugs* Really I couldnt think of a better title to my blog today.

my ex is back. Hes a jerk as usual. my kids love him tho. But he will be leaving for the UK the end of the month here, and stayin there till like.. mid july. The kids are excited to see him tho.

yesterday I did some freakin hard labor - hauling trees and putting them in a freakin pile. So im sore today, and my brother gets all the credit for it cause he cut them down... but the thing he used was light weight and he just had to drop them, not haul or drag them. *sighs*

My bf has been busy working. He apparently got some big contract that will take him 12 weeks I guess. Will put money in his pocket, but... i just keep getting this growing feeling he wont be coming over here.