...

Ahh, 32. You were an interesting year. Love and self lost and found, games played, new states traveled.

New drinks drank, too ;)

I guess you can say this is my year in review.

32 was a year of great anguish personally, but also of great growth and garnered strength. Over the last year I got to watch me stand up for myself both personally and professionally. I really "grew a pair" in all aspects of my life, which was refreshing to realize. When I look back, I really see this as the year things changed in a big way.

And not just personally, but gaming as well. I had devoted so much energy to things that were not productive before that I didn't really have enough emotional energy to game (I hate losing so often if I'm stressed, I just won't bother trying something new until I have some energy).

I realized how much my life correlates with gaming. Heck, I've been gaming since I was 7, which now would be 26 years ago. Gaming has been a big part of my life and is a lot like my dining room table or fingernails: you can take one look at how it's organized, finished, polished or straightened and know instantly my personal state of affairs.

My road to gaming recovery began with Terraria and really took off with Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Both were recommended to me by my Steam friends and did not disappoint. In days where I could barely function, I would sit my gaming laptop in the livingroom and dig dig dig until I found peace. Then came DE:HR, and I found myself truly enjoying gaming again. I hadn't really ever gotten into stealth because it tenses me up,  but this game is a true masterpiece and hooked me on the presentation, story and especially the fun and addictive gameplay. It got me through the worst part of my personal issues and helped me find what I had been missing for the last 4 years or so.

I got to take my gaming around the west, from Portland to Reno to Modesto to Salt Lake City. It kept me company and gave me new friends (thanks to you who stuck with me over my "issues" and gamed with me and gave me something to smile about). I got a little of my competitive edge back, which feels nice. I used to be the person to contend with on Perfect Dark for the N64. I wasn't tournament-worthy, I was the one that friends would find other friends to pit against while we had an event and they all watched. Good times :) But for years, I hadn't been able to compete because losing made ME feel like a loser, and a lot of the fun and thrill was lost due to stress and anxiety in other areas in my life.

One game I've been slowly getting into is Battlefield 3. I get to play with a great friend from here and he's coaching me and it's a blast. I've never really played a more realistic shooter, and definitely not online, so it has been a rather harsh learning curve. I've only played 2 separate 90-minute sessions, but was pleased to end 5th out of 22, albeit on the losing team but I'll take the victory!

Otherwise, other notable games of this year included Battlefield: Bad Company 2 single-player campaign which was fun start to finish; Minecraft, which I have a blast on my friend's server, he's always doing nice things for me there (and in real life, thanks, you know who you are!) and is a total fun person to hang with; The Longest Journey, which I will finish someday, even though it is a bit long but hey no false advertising there; Borderlands and Borderlands 2, I haven't had that much fun with co-op in a while and got to know people through both games and shared much, much laughter.

I also started getting back into a bit of console gaming with Halo 4, which has been super fun to play with my buddy 2 blocks down, the one who came over and shared some of that Apple Pie (pictured above) and played with me yesterday, my last day at 32. Alcohol be damned, I have been getting a lot better at it and am starting to have more fun.

I hope your gaming year has treated you well. Here's to a fresh start with 33!

-zyxe

:)

...

Gamespot recently released a video series called, "What Gamer Are You?" I found it to be a fun 4-video series that does what everyone loves: tells us stuff about ourselves! Seriously, though, what it does is categorizes us into the different "types" of gamers based on gameplay traits that transcend genres and specific games. I have compiled the videos below and written out the gist of the different kinds of gamers since I didn't see the list written down anywhere, and I find it useful to have in one spot.

Read below and tell us all: What Gamer Are You?

Part 1 -Completionist,Speed Runner, Exterminator, Extrovert

Completionist - map exploration and 100% completion/trophies/items, often replays games or replays from end of game saves to get all endings. (Compatible with: Exterminator)

Speed Runner - goes strictly for end-game win and will get through any means; typically ignores NPCs, dialogue and story and just wants fun gameplay through and through preferably fast-paced games. (Compatible with: Extrovert)

Exterminator - everything must die, no matter how big or small, not as into dialogue or story; prefers FPS and hack-and-slash. (Compatible with: Completionist, Extrovert)

Extrovert - multiplayer, guild, groups prevail as socializing is the goal; genre is not as important. (Compatible with: Completionist, Exterminator)

Part 2 - Reader, Builder, Introvert, Analyst

Reader - reads every guide, data pad, dialogue and gathers all information; prefers lore-rich worlds usually found in older RPGs. (Compatible with: Completionist, Analyst and Introvert)

Builder - creationist, prefers simulation games where management is important, and creating items with crafting and tools in other games. (Compatible with: Analyst, Introvert)

Introvert - typically solos, sees gaming as more or a relaxing habit and enjoy exploring worlds to their heart's content. (Compatible with: Reader, Analyst and Builder)

Analyst - puzzles are the main draw to games, manipulating physics and problem solving; enjoys tactics (Compatible with: Introvert, Builder)

Part 3 - Ghost, Hoarder, Difficulty Snob, Min/Maxer

Ghost - master of stealth and disguise, often plays as a thief or rogue; prefers tactics over outright gun play in many genres. (Compatible with: Analyst)

Hoarder - gathers all resources, sometimes at the expense of teammates in multiplayer co-op games; rarely spends money unless it furthers their loot. (Compatible with: Completionist, Builder)

Difficulty Snob - only plays on the toughest difficulty; does not like games that cater to the masses and dumb things down. (Compatible with: Exterminator)

Min/Maxer - RPGs are the main genre where math reigns supreme; will explore other genres where customization of stats is exploitable; can delay groups as items are thoroughly analyzed prior to moving on with the game. (Compatible with: Completionist, Hoarder)

Part 4 - Character Builder, Ultimate Evil Doer, White Knight and the Apologist

Character Builer - tweaking and completely customizing their character's appearance, back story, anything that CAN be tweaked. (Compatible with: Builder)

Ultimate Evil Doer - enjoys all manner of mayhem and cruelty, will often destroy NPCs and their weapons do not discriminate. (Compatible with: Exterminator)

White Knight - always the paragon, white knight, displaying justice and charity; completes all companion quests and may sacrifice self for others, saves everyone if possible but can get themselves into trouble doing so. (Compatible with: Reader and Extrovert)

Apologist - trudges through all games of chosen series even if undesirable. (Compatible with: Completionist)

I fit well into several of the gamer types.

White Knight: I can't bring myself NOT to help someone in need in a game, and I will often try to save every possible character from harm.

Exterminator: I have a compulsive tendency to clear areas of all enemies, but this is also because I like to explore in peace. That, and I kinda sorta like shooting bad people in the face. A lot. I still care about dialogue and story, though.

Character Creator: if it CAN be tweaked, it WILL be tweaked!

Completionist: I have a penchant for exploring every inch of a map, but don't typically go for 100% on trophies and items because I don't have time in real life. I will often also end up grinding away at an RPG and end up getting bored and quitting for a while, at which point I feel compelled to restart the whole game. I have done this with Star Ocean: Till the End of Time about 4 times now after 50-100+ hours on a game run... I still haven't finished it... But I will! Someday.

Hoarder: I need to grab every weapon I can carry, and the only real reason to use God Mode in Elder Scrolls for me is to pick up every weapon so I can drop them off at home. I do spend money a lot, though, but that's a personal issue. I really like shiny stuff. And don't get me started on shiny stuff on sale...

Of course there is no "one size fits all" way to categorize gamers, but I did enjoy the analysis of the compatibility of various types of gamers. What I really appreciated in this series is the lack of attention to the notion of "hardcore" and "casual" gamers. Personally, I believe that if you enjoy gaming in whatever form then you are a "gamer". Sure, some are more outspoken and spend more time on this hobby than others, but typically the differentiation is typically used to put down people who do not game every waking and free moment, or take gaming so seriously that their ego depends on it. Whether you categorize yourself within either of these two roles, you will typically find that you will fit into several of the categories from this series.

I think it would be nice to see this integrated with the Gamespot Players Network (GSPN), which does have its own gamer categories, but I think I prefer the series' analysis to the ones registered on GSPN, especially when it comes to compatibility. I thought that was pretty neat! I'd also like to see what gamer types do not get along per this analysis, because I know that I don't get along well with Speed Runners if I haven't played through a game myself, Ultimate Evil Doers in general, Difficulty Snobs because I just don't have the energy or Apologists because if a game isn't good, I don't want to play it (again with the lack of energy thing).

Did you guys watch the series? What did you think?

-z

...

that's what she said.

-z

zyxe feeds the geese on Christmas Eve

...

City of Heroes officially shut down its servers on November 30, 2012, after a run of over 8 years. The game was one of the more unique MMORPGs in that it was not built in the fantasy world but rather the present, and involved highly customizable super heroes, missions, archvillains and a large and relatively loyal community; and while the game takes place in the present, you were free to create any sort of character--fantasy, mech, scientific, futuristic or pretty much anything your heart desired. This blog is about my personal journey into the realm of MMORPGs, and explains why I really don't feel like I will miss the game all that much.

I joined the game in February of 2007. I actually remember getting the game in detail: I was biking home from work and I was really tired. I had always wanted to play Halo, and figured I should stop at the Gamestop at the half way point of my workout and pick it up. I took Halo up to the register and it turned out they were having a promotion for a free copy of City of Heroes with the purchase of any PC game, and I thought that was pretty neat so I grabbed that, too. It turned out to be a very defining moment in my life, and truth be told sometimes I wish I had never stopped at that game store that evening...

My "Who Wants to be a Superhero" Tryouts with Major Victory in 2007.

I had just tried out for "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" a few weeks prior (obviously I did NOT get in nor should I have with the awful tryout I gave), but I already had created my own superhero, Haiiro Ninja, and wanted to try that out in the game. As it turned out, the character creator was so detailed that I could absolutely make my character in the game, and that was really amazing. I remember logging in and entering Atlas Park, running around and figuring out the controls, not having been much of a PC gamer at the time.

Biography of my Main Toon, Haiiro Ninja.

I thoroughly enjoyed the game as it was unlike any other I'd ever played. I enjoyed the missions, the martial arts powers I had bestowed on my character and the community as a whole. It's almost embarassing to admit, but I met my (now ex-) boyfriend of 4 years on this game, he moved out to California and we were together for 4 years, and it did not end well (see my previous blogs). I quit the game about a year ago after only playing a little over the previous year, partly due to his addiction to it and being sick of his unhealthy relationship with several females on the game (see my previous blogs if you care to know more). So after he left, I still could not stand to play the game. And when I tried quite some time later, the developers had changed it so much it was not nearly as fun, and the magic was gone.

Still, there are things I will totally miss about the game, such as the character and base creation.

Haiiro Ninja: My Main Toon.

I really enjoyed the teaming aspect of the game and how you could ideally jump into a game with any toon, any level (of the same hero/villain alignment) and play. It was extremely group friendly, especially later as they revamped the sidekick/mentor and team/group/league systems. I grew very attached to my characters, as I saw them as an extention of different aspects of my own personallity, and enjoyed learning about how other people conduct themselves online, even if it sometimes disgusted or bewildered me; one thing I could usually say about the game was that it was "interesting" at the very least.

My More Current main Toon: Spine O'Might (CLICK FOR SLIDESHOW OF ALL CHARACTERS).

I also enjoyed building bases. I had at least one hero and villain base on my two servers, Infinity and Freedom, and had started one on the VIP server, Exhaulted, before I really quit the game. The editor was a bit clunky, but it was still a fun and creative activity.

Vindicator Super Group Base (CLICK FOR SLIDESHOW).

Darkest Days Villain Group Base (CLICK FOR SLIDESHOW).

Silent Sentries Super Group Base (CLICK FOR SLIDESHOW).

Infinity's Integrity Super Group Base, My First Base (CLICK FOR SLIDESHOW).

Some games have a profound impact on your life, and I would have to say this one was that for me. Besides the terribly personal aspect, I thoroughly enjoyed the game, especially over the first year I played it. It was something to look forward to when the rest of like was ho-hum or difficult. It showed me how some people can portray themselves so vastly different from their true selves online (though that's an interesting question in itself, as to what your true self really is). Over the course of the years, however, the game changes really did have an overall negative impact with the severe changes in PvP in i13, then the F2P model that was just not great for a former subscriber like myself. The game was also reportedly still turning a profit when the doors were closed, which is very interesting.

I have tried Champions Online, DC Universe Online and looked into the upcoming Marvel game, and I have to say none of them so far have had the spirit and grab of City of Heroes. It is sad to not have much in the way of a viable alternative for those of us not entrenched in the world of elves and dragons and dwarves.

Other than that, I really don't know what else to say. End of an era, certainly, but maybe an era best left in the past.

-haiiro ninja, AKA zyxe

...

happy thanksgiving. i hope you all have something to be thankful for and loved ones to spend the day with. i will be heading to my good friend's home for a feast that for once i didn't have to cook, and then i'll spend the night and we're going to figure out some kind of light black friday event to take part in (probably some shopping with the gift cards i've been saving up). i never come to a dinner empty handed, so i baked a pumpkin swirl cheesecake from scratch:

and then 5 more people were confirmed so i baked an apple pie:

and then i had leftovers so i made an apple crumb pie for myself :D:

it's my first cheesecake so we'll have to see how it turned out. i also am bringing a fresh veggie tray with my own homemade ranch dip (i created the recipe over the summer) to add a bit of lighter fare to the menu.

be safe this holiday and enjoy what you have. as happy as this holiday is supposed to be, be mindful that it might be painful for those who have lost something or someone in the past year, they may find it difficult to chin up right now and may need an extra shoulder to lean on, especially with everyone else being busy with their own families and events.

take care and enjoy the turkey.

as for me, i plan on spending most of the weekend (once i get back and no driving is to be done) drinking and gaming :)

-z

...

Happy Belated Halloween, Gamespotters!

I thought it was fitting to post up my Halloween pics, along with the history of my costume. I started it before Halloween '04, and it took over a week of material reconnaissance, then a full month to build the prototype. It barely held together when my then boyfriend (dressed appropriately as Link) and I took my friend's kid trick-or-treating, after which I decided I could do MUCH, much better, learning how to use an airbrush to boot. I ended up shoring it up for a skit in my Japanese class in February 2005, and had a friend do a photoshoot:

Prototype Costume 2005 (click for slideshow)

After that, I set about remaking most of the costume for Halloween 2005. The only pieces I kept were the shoes, helmet and beam cannon.

Halloween 2005 Rebuild (click for slide show)

This version was great, but I wore it to Fanime 2008 and it sustained severe battle damage, especially the shoulders which were the weakest part and hardest to figure out how to keep on. I couldn't get 10 steps without being mobbed for pictures, which was awesome but it made everything take forever and the suit wasn't meant to be worn for more than 2 hours at a time! The suit was also held together by kind of an elastic garter belt/harness that held up the upper legs while holding down the shoulders with velcro without attaching to the bike pants and tshirt underneath.

I spent a month remaking the shoulders, in between work trips, and figuring out a new method of attachment. The shoulders are now super sturdy and look more 3D, and they held up extremely well during the few hours I wore it:

New (top) and old (bottom) shoulders before detailing (click for construction slide show)

I didn't get many pictures, but my friend got a few. I ended up staying up until 4:30am before Halloween finishing the details, then woke up at 9am to fix some reattachment issues. I only had time to wear it to the coffee shop (I go every day I'm not out for work, they were all looking forward to seeing it), then my office an hour away. Nobody else at the office dressed up, but my friend got pictures for me. I was so tired I even forgot to bring my own camera!

Samus 2012 (click for slide show)

After I showed off in the office, it was too late to leave before hitting traffic, so Tracy, my friend and coworker, and I headed to Panera for dinner. I forgot to bring my dress cover up to wear over the body suit when I wasn't in suit, and there was nobody in the Panera really so I just went in with my suit and all the sewn on velcro and snaps. The ladies at the register politely asked what I was supposed to be, and I just explained that was just the undersuit of my costume and that my actual costume was in the trunk. So I showed them a picture, and what do you know but one of them was a huge Metroid fan! So I went back to my car and donned the costume in the parking lot, and came back and they took lots of pictures. That totally made my night :)

I will continue remaking various parts over the next few years. For next year, I want to lose 20 pounds (for many reasons) and it will wear much better, then I will remake the yellow body in a way that will allow for better movement. I also want to add the rib cage detailing, right now there is nothing covering my upper side, so you see too much of the black of the body suit. Maybe I'll even add some LEDs :)

Either way, this suit is here to stay!

Hope your Halloween was fun and exciting as well.

-z

...

the blog below is just how i feel right now about how sexisn and gaming has been handled so far here on GS. i usually tailor my responses to be relatively professional and thoughtful, but i've had it. plus i'm traveling for work for the next two weeks, and that always puts me in a bad mood ;)

just deal with it, you say? well, this IS me dealing with it. :)

...

i have been terribly disappointed by the way sexism and gaming has been handled on many levels here on GS, partly by the website but mostly by the ignorant commentors here. as a female AND a gamer, i have experienced first hand sexism and gaming, mostly pertaining to online forums or multiplayer gaming when playing with people i don't personally know, and by personally i mean those i would actually consider friends either online or off.while things have come around a bit when it comes to how females who game are treated by the online community, we still have a long way to go.

MY GAMING BACKGROUND

i've been gaming for 25 years, since i was 7 years old. we didn't have many games, and always stuck with a nintendo console. i remember bringing the n64 to college with me, it was great. i didn't get into multiplayer until goldeneye on the n64, which was the best thing since sliced bread until perfect dark came out. i used to have guys from my engineering classes come over and we'd split screen it. i was pretty damn good, not tournament material but i could take on anyone i met in person. i even had a few friends set me up in friendly matches with someone they thought was the best and we'd all get together and they'd watch me and whoever play. those matches were typically close to even, which was pretty sweet.

i didn't even get my own computer until my 2nd year of college, and it was a while until i actually gamed on it. once getting into FPS with a mouse and keyboard, i had trouble going back to console controls--plus for some reason i had a crazy easy time with the C buttons of the n64 controller as opposed to the analogue C-stick of the newer consoles, but that's another story...

i didn't start playing games online until my introduction to steam and TFC about 5 or so years ago, and that's when i hit a brick wall of insanity when i started getting treated like crap simply because i am female. i never knew of the problem before because my friends weren't sexist and i didn't have any other girl friends who gamed.

MY ONLINE EXPERIENCES

to my surprise, there would be 3-4 boys on the servers who would constantly ask for sexual favors (yes i would mute them but then they would log off and come back on and i would have to mute them again and again), tell me to stop pretending i was a girl and "show them proof" that i am a girl (in their dreams), or even continually berate me and call me all sorts of names or fat, including an attention-whore, for simply using my mic to relay game-related strategic information, which is pretty much all i would do with the mic. and yes, i do have my picture as my avatar, but who cares? i like me, and it's not any kind of seductive pic, it's just me and who i am. why is that a problem?

the worst i had was someone who started stalking me across several websites since i use this tag wherever possible, and finally he threatened me in a PM, so i could report him and have him banned and i think the site even was supposed to alert the police or threaten that, something more serious than just a ban because it finally shut him up whereas before he would just make a new ID and keep harassing me.

what i've learned from this is that a lot of people (no, not ALL) think that if you're a well-adjusted female, then you aren't a good gamer, and if you're a good gamer, you can't be a normal and well-adjusted feminine female; either way, something has to be wrong with you because you can't be both in their minds.

THE CURRENT ISSUES AND AGGRAVATIONS

anyway, it doesn't happen quite as often anymore but that's partly because i don't game online as much or when i do, i play on known servers or with friends. i can't say that's because of my harassment, i'm really not sure but it could have something to do with the diminishing appeal of online gaming. even though i am confident in myself and like me, i would be lying if i said that being harassed doesn't phase me AT ALL, and i'm sure it has had a subconsious effect on me and how much i enjoy online gaming.

but what has really upset me recently is the handling of sexism and gaming and what's gone on here at GS. i have really appreciated the articles that GS has posted, but the majority of comments are horrific. the argument for those who hate any article that even acknowledges the possibility that a problem exists are typically as follows:

1. there is no problem, stfu.
2. maybe there's a small issue, but just deal with it.
3. females DO suck at gaming. true story, bro.
4. if you don't like it, don't play online games.
5. you should hide your gender, if you let us know that you're a female, then you're an attention whore that deserves to be mistreated.
6. here go you women again, wanting to be put on a pedestal for gaming. stop talking about this, period.
7. bringing up sexism in gaming only perpetuates it.

to which come my responses:

1. just because you haven't experienced this, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. i think most of the people who say this choose not to see it, though there are some people who really haven't seen it, and that's good because hopefully the problem is lessening over time. but that still doesn't mean it doesn't happen and that it's not a valid thing to talk about.
2. just deal with it? there ARE ways to deal with it, but when it happens so often it becomes cumbersome and that's when we need to work on the problem together as a community. most people who say this only do so because they don't want to be bothered to realize their actions affect others, and they don't want to change because they are scared or lazy. well, we don't live in a bubble, our actions DO affect others. own up to that.
3. you're an idiot if you think this. it may be that you've had a lot of negative experiences with femals and lack of skill, and i get why you would make that mental assumption, but the problem lies in when you don't let a female prove otherwise before sinking your teeth in. everyone has first impressions and stereotypes in our minds, but letting them make our decisions for us is when they become damaging.
4. again, this is someone who thinks they live in a bubble and is too lazy to care. pathetic.
5. wtf? now i DO know that some people ARE attention whores, but to assume i am because i am fine with being a female is stupid. i don't go around telling people "OMG LOOK AT ME I'M A FEMALE GAMER", but i don't hide it, either. it simply is.
6. yes, some women want to be put on pedestals, but in my ideal world, we would actually be given equal opportunities to prove ourselves. as a disclaimer, i am proud to be a female and a gamer because when i started it WAS sort of rare, and it was fun not being stereotypical. i don't expect to be put on a pedestal because of it, though, it's just a nifty fact about me, like i'm an engineer and did years of martial arts training.
7. probably the dumbest argument i've heard. since when did change occur by doing NOTHING? yeah, we totally would have gotten the right to vote by sitting there and ignoring the issue. by discussing these issues, we can find others who have experienced similar things in life, and we know we're not alone and can share our experiences and understand what the root of the issue is.

the last straw i have is the whole GS chalk talk bologna. in full disclosure, i did submit my blog and it was not chosen, but that's not what really irked me. what got me fuming is that out of all the blogs chosen, NOT ONE WRITER had experienced sexism in gaming. EVER. and there was at least one other blogger who had her own experiences, i would have been happy if they had chosen hers. it's a lot like the chalk talk on violence in video games where all blogs had very similar views, where violence wasn't that big an issue to anyone. i don't expect GS to be a moderator for morals, but seriously if you want a section debating topics, why you would not choose various viewpoints is beyond me.

FINALE

the good news is that there are a lot of gamers out there for which sexism isn't an issue in that they give everyone a chance. and of course there are more issues online in gaming like racism, my post isn't discounting that. i just don't understand how so many people think that being horrible to others online is acceptable for their own entertainment, and that it's fine to say things online that you wouldn't dare say to someone's face.

and it's not just boys, i've been trolled by females so desperate to fit in with the guys and be "one of them" that they berate other females for being at all feminine and casting the same judgements their male counterparts do on other females who game. that's extremely pathetic.

now, people don't have to agree with the severity of the issue, but to berate others for trying to make a change only shows your own insecurity and how scared you are of that change. you don't have the right to be a jackass online if it's against the forum's terms of use in which you're expressing that jackassery. grow up and learn some respect.

for those kinds of jackasses, i'm pretty sure this is what you'll come to find out if you don't:

-z

Aretha Franklin put it best when she belted out her 1967 hit, "Respect":

What guns you want, baby I got. What frags you need, do you know I got it. All I'm askin' is for a little respect when I sign on.

Ok, so maybe that's not exactly what she sang, but I know it's on a lot of female gamers' minds when they sign on to do some gaming online. Serious female gamers run a high risk of immediately being discounted, mocked or berated in online gaming simply because they are female. It's time for the general population of male gamers online to grow up and knock it off.

This isn't about females demanding to be heralded as some golden angel for simply picking up a controller, this is about not being automatically judged as inferior gamers for no reason other than they are female, or for being called attention whores for using the mic where it's appropriate, like for relaying strategic information to your team. It's not a call to elevate female gamers above others or asking for preferential treatement, although I would argue that the bar of how ALL players are treated should be raised.

Why would you say something to someone online that you wouldn't say in person? I believe that your online conduct is more telling of your personal integrity than how you conduct yourself in person where you are often forced to face the consequences of your actions and cannot simply log off.

As you may have guessed from my profile picture that *gasp* I am a female gamer. I came out of the kitchen in 1987 at the age of 7 when my dad brought home an NES for my older siblings and me. I still remember my dad letting us play before school (how awesome is that?!) and being the first one to get to the underground area of the first level in Super Mario Bros. The sense of accomplishment, along with beating my two older siblings, shown on my face the whole day and made a real impression on me. While I can't game nearly as much as I did as a kid, I consider myself to be a serious gamer to this day 25 years later.

I started off as a console girl and moved through the Nintendo systems up through the GameCube, when I also got a PS2 and a PC capable of gaming. Up through my N64 days, I had only ever played with people I knew personally, almost exclusively guys from my engineering classes. We'd have several nights a week where they would come over and we'd duke it out over Goldeneye 007 or Perfect Dark (one of my favorite FPS to date). But something changed when I got into online--I noticed that more often than not I was treated like a second class citizen by guys.

Now, before you get your briefs in a bunch, hear me out. I'm not talking about ALL male gamers--there are a nice handful that are respectful of women, and perhaps more than I give credit to since the sounds of all the sophomoric boys outshine the maturity of this select group--but more often than not, there will be guys in online games will treat a woman horribly by berating her verbally, asking her for sexual favors or griefing her in game. I have experienced all of this first-hand. A good portion of the time when I used to play TF2 on Steam and I joined a new-to-me server, the first time I would use my mic I would be greeted with people harassing me, thinking I was going to be a horrible player or telling me to STFU or telling me to stop pretending to be a female. Also, if I AM a female gamer, it must mean I'm fat and ugly, too. Basically, in their minds, there is no way I can be a decent gamer AND a well-adjusted female; and if I am a gamer girl, there has to be something seriously wrong with me.

Serious gamer girls should get respect, just like any good gamer guy.

The real problem is how to reach the general population of guys who act in such a manner--they act this way because they simply do not care and do not think it affects anyone. So, this blog falls on deaf ears to those who should hear it the most. Of course, these people are insecure about themselves and their interactions with women online and off (can we say mommy issues?), turning the most potentially desirable women into something completely undesirable since this type of guy has trouble getting a girlfriend, but that's another blog for another day...

Thankfully, there IS something you good guys out there can do: support your fellow female gamers! Now, I'm not saying we all need to be protected, and I DEFINITELY agree there are some attention-you-know-what's out there that actually ask for it (no, I mean they literally ask for it, wanting to cyber and send naughty pictures and stuff), but when you see a gamer girl just racking up the head count and trying to chill out getting harrassed, it never hurts to lend a hand and tell the moron to STFU and let him know that other guys don't find it cool or manly. You don't even have to say anything to the girl or focus more attention on her, you can pretty much leave her out of it and focus on the jerk's behavior.

Mysogyny should NOT be expected, although it IS expected, but only because it has long been the standard. I refuse to simply get over it, though I rarely let it keep me from playing. I'll be able to let it go when me being a female is a non-issue, when I can play online for a few days in a row without the fact that I'm a female being brought to the forefront of the server chatter. Until then, good guys, keep abreast of female gamers' plight... I'll keep two.

;)

...

her body was weightless for a few moments, though it felt like an eternity. suddenly she felt the earth hit her knees, then her hands and chest. she could smell the earth rise up, then felt it settle around and over her.

she awoke to a bright light staring at her through her closed eyes. at first she winced, turning her head to the side, slowly opening one eye a sliver, then the other. the bright white was blinding for a few seconds, dimming to reveal a small room. her senses came back one by one; she smelled the musty wood frame of the room, felt her body sinking into the matt underneath her and noticed her mouth was dry and bitter. she heard the sound of the wind blowing through the fields and drifting through the window to her side.

then there were footsteps.

the footsteps rang through the small structure, gradually getting louder. they were filled with such purpose yet were strangely liesurely. stopping for a moment. she heard some low-pitched mumble, and the scattering of much smaller footsteps away. it was the sound of life. recognizing the room put her at ease. it was that of her neighbor's, a robust old lady with fear of neither God nor beast who always had an open ear and mouthful of stories and advice. some might have seen the old woman as a motherly figure, but there was so much life, love and pain in her eyes that she was more of a comrade.

as the footsteps returned towards their initial goal, a wave of memories swept over her--the forest, the battles, the never ending exhaustion and desperation along with the weight of a thousand worlds on her shoulders. and, of course, the emptiness when that weight was gone. and that's where it left her, with nothing but her memories that were so private, she wasn't even sure they had ever happened; but then the pulsing of the pain in her head told her differently.

it DID happen. even if she was alone, it happened. she had battled those that would steal the life from her world in the depths of hell and won.

it didn't change their lives; nothing she'd gone through made a difference. but wasn't that the point? to ensure the continuity of the life her people--neighbors, relatives and friends--as they knew it?

she decided to try and get up and great the footsteps with her own, so she slid carefully out of bed and put her big toe onto the cold dirt floor. testing her strength, she gradually slid the whole foot onto the ground and pushed herself upwards off the corner of the mat. the blood rushed to her head while she staved off the darkness and took her first steps since she had fallen.

what she heard chilled her heart, and there was emptiness in her belly that was more than hunger. her footsteps were that of a ghost: hollow and without purpose. she kept walking, though, partly because she wanted to get away from that bed and the memories and partly because she didn't know what else to do but move forward.

and she wondered if the hollowness would leave her footsteps to let them once again be filled with life.

...

i had to go to a rendering plant for work today (i will let you google what that is, because it's not for the squeamish!). it was about a 2 hour drive south, and the people running the place are super neat and do a great job. here's me in the ladies room after washing up following our site walkthrough, before sitting down to discuss how things were going:

i'm hoping photobucket resizes it like i TOLD IT TO HALF AN HOUR AGO.

*ahem*

anyway i just thought i looked the part and it was pretty funny! and don't worry, i showered already. that smell really gets into your pores, hair and clothes.

*phew* :oops:

any other engineers out there, aspiring or accomplished? (MS in mechanical and aeronautical here!)

-zyxe