An unamed reporter believes he has found the real reason why the Canadian GP was cancelled for 2009 - Jacques Villeneuve was going to promote a new album being released around that time of next year with a live performance.
Reports come in that Canada was dropped due to wall of champions needing some new work to get cars to go back into it, this includes 90 degree chicanes bars to force the cars into that direction.
New rules come into force!
Ferrari and FIA have decided what new budget cuts should be forced into Formula 1 as of next year, no other teams were available to comment.
In a long-anticipated return to the unlikely headlines section, Bernie Ecclestone's super F1 team are finally back in the spotlight after BEST (heh, like what I did there? No? okay) driver Bruno Senna, in his F1 debut, accidently punts Massa out of the Brazilian GP. Initially, race stewards were to penalise Senna 25 seconds, reinstate Massa into 1st place and demote 2nd placed Hamilton to 6th for no good reason at all, until they realised Bruno's penalty was to affect Ecclestone's team.
5 weeks on since the race, and still the stewards have yet to figure out who they should be biased for: Ferrari, or BEST.
Reports suggest that the flash flood that hit ITV's commentary box in Brazil was the consequence of James Allen crying his eyes out when Hamilton could only finish 6th in Brazil, behind a victorious Massa...
HAMILTON: "At least if I fail next year, I'll have professionals doing commentary rather than a crybaby who was waiting so badly to sceam my name at the top of his lungs..."
HAMILTON: "Allen is the worst commentator in history and should be fired immediately."
With talk of Ferrari considering their future within F1 and Toyota having to deny they're quitting, the word in the paddock is Toyota is so far the preferred standardised engine for 2010. Team name changes to Ferota, Renota, Mc-ota and Hoyota however are regarded as wide of the mark.
In an odd twist, BMW are champions of the FIA Formula 1 world championship after the FIA decided they didnt like Ferrari anymore either after their recent Engine outburst. BMW win the right to manufacture the engines for all other teams with this title.
Felipe Massa is proud to announce his new sponsor, God, after he left Hamilton to cause the Brit chaos in Friday Practice.
Lewis Hamilton now states he has his trusty reliable McLaren to take him to the title in Brazil. Really Lewis? Trusty? Reliable? Ask your car that 12 months ago...
After the complete washout in Brazil, it's nice to see Coulthard's final race one which he wins after Massa and Hamilton both lose it in the Senna S on the first lap. Button winds up 2nd and Sutil, despite starting last, makes up for his Monaco misery by finishing 3rd.
God proves his/her fury of the World Championship outcome when s/he (I'm not making judgements here) casts a thunderstorm over the Interlagos circuit after the race. Watching from the UK, God was too slow to reach Brazil in time to affect the race.
(...darn you Lewis for mentioning God two weeks ago, too many jokes made on this now thanks to SF referring to you as Jesus...)
"Timo Glock found that big bag that had swag on, with love from McLaren. Courts decide whether to believe this version or the one only Ferrari seem to suggest happened where all team principals reciveved a nice early christmas present from Mclaren in person."
"Internet explodes as rumours of McLaren buying out every team due to the "Glock incident" prove to be false"
Honda announce Bruno Senna to team with Jenson Button in 2009. Explaining the decision, Nick Fry states that Bruno "learned a lot about F1 cars from Ayrton".
Nick Fry is subsequently fired for being unable to realise that technology has moved on since 1994.
BRUNDLE: "So we're here at Silverstone, a truly spectacular circuit..." BERNIE: "Donington's better" BRUNDLE: "You mean they're offering you more money?" BERNIE: "Yea... I MEAN NO! NO!"
When arriving at the driver ceremony to give Hamilton his World Championship trophy, poor Lewis is late. When heading to the ceremony, he's held up by Timo Glock who, quite frankly, doesn't have that much to celebrate anyway. On the final corner before reaching their destination, Hamilton passes through and takes the last remaining VIP parking space available, leaving a frustrated Massa having to park alongside the likes of Yuji Ide and James Allen.
Reports of cash bags inside Glock's car are regarded as wide of the mark.
In what appears to be a tactical move, Montezemolo has slammed the idea of KERS, just a week after Ferrari admitted to being behind on schedule with the new technology. Reports suggest that the Ferrari top man actually likes KERS, however has whinged about it because whenever he does, Ferrari wins the Constructor's title.
Evidence was given just this year when not only was the standard McLaren ECU used by all teams that saw Ferrari disapproval (on the off-chance Macca wanted to return the favours of last year), but also when Montezemolo slammed the 2 new street circuits for bringing poor racing (because it has nothing to do with the fact you scored 0 points in Singapore, eh?).
Traditionalists now believe Ferrari should walk the 2009 Constructor's Championship after this latest outburst from the Ferrari camp.
It's release day for the Ferrari F2009... PRESS: So Kimi, what do you think of the new car? KIMI: Ireallycouldn'tgivetwo****saboutitasallI'mgoingtodoisdriveitatdifferentplacesoftheyearandifI'mgoodenoughIwillbecomechampion. PRESS: And you, Felipe? MASSA: Fo' sho' it's a fantastic car and fo' sho' I can't wait to win the title and lose it in 38 seconds and fo' sho' the team will have done a great job and fo' sho' we will be great, as always.
A few days later at McLaren's launch... PRESS: So Lewis, thoughts on the new car? HAMILTON: It's fantastic and I'd like to thank fantastic Ron Dennis for the fantastic car and I know I'll be World Champ again as I'm too good and I have a fantastic teammate who'll back me up. I've also been told it's not a Ferrari painted in silver and red, and it's Lewis Hamilton MBE to you, worthless press man. PRESS: Right... and your thoughts, Heikki? KOVALAINEN: Why do I care? I won't win the title, I'm just Lewis' *****.
Ferrari unleash Raikkonen's secret power - As Hamilton won the World Title, the Italian team seeked revenge on the British when they found Kimi's secret ability.
Now it has been utilised, causing Brits no end of misery as snow has engulfed the whole country.
Leaked reports from the Ferrari garage have claimed that Ferrari have known and used KERS secretly for years, their better straightline speed was always the envy of the paddock, and with this latest report its been now revealed how they have done it.
Luca Di Montezemelo was unavailible for questioning at the time of this report, But it has been suggested he complained about the technology to put other teams off of the idea.
Unimpressed with Sutil's performances in 2008, Force India owner Vijay Mallaya does a straight swap for new toy in his Bangalore Cricket Team, Kevin Pietersen.
Kovalainen is left frustrated after the 2009 Australian GP when, on the final lap and just after passing Alonso for 4th place, he finds his KERS boost button has actually been replaced by an Anti-KERS button, slowing him down...
...on later checks, he just pressed the pit limiter.
Richard Branson, now owner of the Honda team, has announced that Button and Senna will not have radio communication to the team during races. Instead, a hands-free mobile phone connection with Virgin Mobile will replace the technology.
Obama takes place as a driver on Team America's F1 Team. (also the manager)
He say that because he wants to be "2nd Black F1 racer that wins the World Championship"
kono11
Question arise however when Lewis Hamilton's clone is found driving Obama's car. He is subsequently DQ'ed from the season, giving the World Title to... the real Lewis Hamilton.
Schumacher has decided F1 should be Ruled by the name Schumacher alone, and creates a new team called Schumacher's 'R' US with himself and his young son 1st and 2nd drivers, with Ralf reserve, reserve, reserve driver
With the Management Buyout of Honda, Button is said to be relieved. Not because he has a drive for 2009, but because he doesn't have to wear any "Virgin" gear.
After Ecclestone's pathetic idea comes into force in F1, high authorities within the sport deem him unsuitable for his role and ensure he "mysteriously" disappears. Shigeru Miyamoto is sworn in to fill the void, and his first ruling states item boxes to be available on circuit and that banana skins, shells, mushrooms, stars and thunder are of the norm in F1.
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